Embracing His True Self

Chapter 19

Harry entered the common room, giving a nod to Neville who had been the one to actually get up and answer his knocking. Neville told Harry the password to get into the common room, remembering it for now, but he knew sooner or later he would forget that was Neville for you. The loudness grated on his nerves, the Gryffindors had always been a rowdy bunch, it had never bothered him overly much, not until now apparently. It was distinctively odd; he always looked forward to this after spending a summer ignored, surely a few months somewhere else couldn't have changed that? It was becoming all too apparent that it had. The first years were up in their dorm rooms getting settled in, since they weren't here, neither were Ron and Hermione actually.

"How was your summer, Nev?" Harry asked idly, turning to face the teenager.

Neville shifted, paling a little, "Er, it was alright, the usual, you know," Neville mumbled nervously.

Harry blinked, staring even more intently at the teenager, why was he so nervous? Could it have something to do with his parents? He already knew what happened to Frank and Alice Longbottom; he had seen it in Dumbledore's pensive. Neville didn't know that though, and he had no intention of telling him, Neville obviously kept it from everyone for a reason, to know Dumbledore had deliberately let it drop would probably hurt the teenager. Neville might be his age, but half the time he didn't act like it, he acted more like a startled doe eyed first year student. Harry just grinned at Neville, not sure how else to react, it wasn't as if Neville was continuing the conversation he had started now was it?

"W-w-what about you?" Neville stuttered, his eyes a little larger than normal.

"It was brilliant for once!" Harry said, his grin becoming more genuine, and the answer was completely honest. Was Neville nervous because of him? He didn't seem so nervous around Seamus and Dean…at least not quite like this at any rate. Oh, Neville had no idea how lucky he had it, to think if the situation had been different that Neville would have been crowned The-Boy-Who-Lived? The bigger question was would he have? Would Neville still have been the same? Still a stuttering nervous mess? Either way if things hadn't gone the way they had would he and Neville have grown up to be best friends?

"Good," Neville murmured, half smiling at Harry, before turning to stare into the fire lost in his own little world.

"I'm going to head up to the dorm, I'll see you later," Harry informed Neville, shaking his head, with that he moved away and began to wander up the spiralling tower staircase. He had literally just closed the door when a House-elf became visible, it was absolutely filthy and the words spewing out of its mouth was hilarious. It had obviously been waiting there; it certainly hadn't popped since he hadn't heard a sound.

"Who are you and who do you belong to?" Harry barked out, knowing better than to be too kind, otherwise it would start blubbering, Dobby had well and truly pounded that into him.

"The filthy half-blood is talking to Kreacher," it wheezed heavily before glancing up at him, "I is be Kreacher, filthy blood traitor Master Black wanted me to give you this," he handed over the box before muttering a few other expletive words.

"Leave!" Harry barked in annoyance, it was obviously completely insane; he wasn't sure whether Kreacher was insulting them without realizing he could be overheard or was blatantly doing it and trying to pretend he didn't know they could hear him. Shrugging his shoulders in annoyance, he sat down on his bed, staring at the small square package, casting detection spells at it, but found nothing harmful, so maybe it was from Sirius? Unwrapping it carefully, he cast yet another series of spells at it, and found nothing on the inner box, removing the lid; he found a mirror and a letter inside. Cautiously he did the same thing two more times, but there was nothing harmful in the letter or mirror. Although there were plenty of spells on the mirror, one similar to the protean charm.

Opening the letter from Sirius, he found it short and to the point, signed 'Padfoot'. Apparently the mirror was a two-way mirror that he and his father had used as teenagers. To speak to Sirius all he had to do was say his name and it would glow blue, as soon as he could he promised to answer it. He had meant to give it to him at the meeting but hadn't had the time and he also apologised for anything 'the elf' had said, not using his name.

"Muffliato!" Harry cast around his bed, now nobody would overhear him, his green eyes twinkled deviously, he wondered if Tonks would ever realize he knew her name without ever once being introduced to her. The thought of her constantly trying to think when they met or how he knew who she was filled him with sadistic amusement. It had truly been a mistake on his part; he knew who they were because he saw the memories that Severus gave Voldemort. It was during the time he had figured out Doge was also following him around outside of Privet Drive when the squib couldn't. Not that he'd known his name, just what he looked like and after he pointed him out to Severus he had been given a detailed description of who and what he was.

"Sirius Black?" Harry said, feeling stupid talking to a mirror, talking to himself. He wasn't for long, as soon as the mirror glowed blue he was staring at Sirius' face.

"HARRY!" Sirius called out, a relieved smile spreading across his face. Merlin it was so good to see his godson, he had been so worried about his this summer. Now this new knowledge had been forced upon him, he was terrified of the answered he'd get but he had to get them, it was why he had sent Kreacher to Harry instead of sending an owl, it would take far too long and he was losing his mind as it was.

"Hello, Sirius," Harry replied, "Sirius…did you ever take a potion to help with the affects of the Dementors after you got out of Azkaban?" he knew it would help Sirius a whole lot, hell it had helped Barty immensely.

"Um, no," Sirius replied honestly, blinking at his godson in shocked surprise.

"Why?" Harry asked grimly, still staring unblinkingly at the image in the mirror.

"It's not like I can go into a shop and buy it Harry, only the Ministry makes it," Sirius pointed out, not that he'd ever considered taking it.

"I have brewed some for you, would you take it? For me?" Harry pleaded with him, knowing Sirius wouldn't be able to deny him…or at least hoping so at any rate.

"You did?" Sirius rasped out incredulously, how on earth could Harry brew that potion? Only the best of the best could brew it, it was extremely tricky and he doubted even he could brew it. Truthfully though he hadn't brewed a potion since he was at Hogwarts, when he was seventeen years old. He'd done what he had to so he could become an Auror but that was it. Slughorn hadn't liked him or James overly much but he fawned over Lily and Snape. "How did you manage that…the potion is impossible to brew!"

"I'm really good at potions actually, especially without the Slytherin's throwing things in my cauldron or Snape breathing down my neck." Harry revealed, "I'm surprised you haven't tried to brew it, you did get an Outstanding or Exceeded Expectations in your N.E.W.T's right? You had to have to become an Auror after all."

"I haven't touched a cauldron since my N.E.W.T's exam when I was a teenager; it's not my favourite subject." Sirius admitted sheepishly. Surprised they were sitting there talking about potions and being students, he had questions he wanted answered to damn it. Yet just speaking to Harry was cathartic after all the worry he'd been put through this summer. He was also at a loss as to why Harry hadn't once gotten in touch with him.

"I'm going to guess anything sitting down and requiring you to look at a book isn't your favourite subject," Harry said sardonically, biting his tongue to stop himself laughing at the insulted look on Sirius' face. "Send Kreacher over again quickly and I'll give you the potions," with that Harry scrambled off his bed and opened his trunk, digging into the trunk until he found the box containing all the potions, he didn't have to worry about Kreacher doing anything to damage them since they were spelled unbreakable. Just as he was closing the trunk Kreacher reappeared, Harry passed over the box which the elf took with great reluctance as if something nasty was being shoved under his nose.

"Take one when you go to bed, another when you wake up until the vials are done," Harry informed him, seeing Kreacher handing the box over through the mirror.

"I want you to answer my question," Sirius blurted out, unable to keep silent.

"You didn't ask me one," Harry said feigning ignorance, he knew what Sirius wanted to know and he would make him work for it.

"The Dursley's HARRY!" Sirius shouted grey eyes filled with fear and horror.

"Oh, you want to hear what they've done to me? The question is do you, Sirius? Do you really?" Harry asked, "Or is it something you're going to discuss with Dumbledore behind my back once I tell you?"

"What?" Sirius muttered gaping at Harry confused as hell.

"Oh, come on, Sirius, you didn't make a secret of it last year, all your letters contained 'Dumbledore thinks' at least once or twice, everything I told you, you just ran along and told Dumbledore." Harry pointed out, putting on a mask of hurt and betrayal on his face.

"But Harry…this connection…I didn't know what to think…I was afraid for you…" Sirius replied wounded, what on earth did his godson think of him?

"Where you afraid for me when you left me alone after seeing Voldemort resurrected and decided to go and round up the old order members instead of visiting me? Five minutes, I mean just five minutes and to know you cared…it would have meant the world to me." Harry said, suddenly feeling very tired. He was so sick and tired of everyone just listening to Dumbledore and not giving a shit about him or his feelings.

Sirius swallowed thickly, this wasn't how he had planned this conversation, not at all. "I couldn't be seen at Hogwarts…I'm a wanted wizard, you know that." even he knew his protest was weak.

"And not writing to me at all this summer?" Harry asked, his tiredness showing through.

"I did!" Sirius protested, "They came back."

"You mean after Dumbledore noticed I was missing? Only then did you think of writing to me? You used to break all the school rules at Hogwarts, but now you'll listen to Dumbledore and do everything he asks you…even if it means ignoring me? I had just seen Voldemort brought back for Merlin's sake, I'm your godson! And you didn't think for a second I should hear from you? It makes me wonder why my parents chose you as godfather…it seems there's always been something more important than me to you my entire life. Going after Pettigrew after I'd just been hit with the killing curse, handing me over to Hagrid, going after Pettigrew again in my third year, going after the order…I'm so tired of it Sirius…please don't pretend you care it hurts too much." Harry said weakly, it was wrong to manipulate his godfather he knew, but he wanted Sirius on his side so he would do whatever he needed to accomplish it. Whether it was weigh him down in guilt or vengeance. This was just the start; he was going to slowly lay it out for Sirius, so that he would slowly be consumed by anger and betrayal. Oh he doubted Sirius would join Voldemort, but being neutral was the best thing he could get Sirius to be…hopefully. He just wasn't sure if it would work…so far it genuinely did seem like Sirius didn't care…part of him wished he did despite himself.

Sirius swallowed thickly again, opening and closing his mouth, staring at his godson as if he had never seen him before. Perhaps he hadn't this was the first time they had truly spoken to each other, since the night he flew away on Buckbeak.

"I mean you're meant to be my godfather but I'm the one who's done nothing but look after you. I saved you from the Dementors kiss, me your thirteen year old godson fought off a hundred Dementors to keep you safe while I was just as affected as you. I used a time-tuner and got you to safety before you could be kissed yet again when you were captured. I brought you food to make sure you were eating…I haven't done anything to deserve you ignoring me Sirius…is it because I'm not like my dad…like you said that day because I didn't want you coming to Hogsmeade in case you were captured?" Harry asked plaintively. "I didn't grow up with dad; I don't know anything about him…how can I? There's nobody who ever talks about him, you nor Remus have ever given me more than just a few scraps of information! I know I look like my dad its been told often enough but that seems to be the only thing anyone sees!" hell Severus had told him so much about his mum while they brewed potions together, he knew more about her than he knew about his dad, not that he minded truly, he loved the fact he knew about his mum…but Sirius and Remus had been in his life longer than he got on with Severus and still didn't know a smidgen of information on his dad.

Sirius just sat there gaping; he looked for all the world completely stunned.

"As for what happened at the Dursley's I'll tell you, but only after you've finished the potions, I have to go," Harry said, before Sirius could say anything Harry muttered "Deactivate!"

"HARRY!" Sirius called into the mirror, staring at it in devastation, for the first time he was beginning to realize just how much he had messed up. He'd felt so guilty about going after Pettigrew, still did, but the whole slew of things he hadn't realized he was doing to his godson weighed heavily on Sirius' burdened damaged soul. His stomach felt queasy, he almost, almost wanted to be sick, staring at the box feeling very unworthy, but never daring to dump them, his godson had made them especially for him, and they weren't easy to brew. He'd obviously lied to Dumbledore about where he had been there was no way he could have brewed these potions in a hotel.

Suddenly not wanting to listen to Kreacher's muttering, he delicately grabbed the box, holding them to his chest as if he was afraid they'd disappear and he left the kitchen without another word. Hastily making his way up the stairs, squirreling himself away in his bedroom the only place he got peace and quiet. He slunk into his bed, utterly gutted and feeling like a complete failure.

The next morning Harry woke up greatly refreshed, wondering what the day would bring. Oddly enough as soon as he parted his curtains and Seamus noticed him, he began to dress ten times faster than normal before vacating the room as if the grim was on his heels. Arching an amused eyebrow, he shook his head; sometimes people just didn't make sense to him. Dean looked tense and Neville just smiled consolingly at him, evidently he was missing something. Ron he noticed was already gone, was it Ron's turn to avoid him was it?

Shrugging his shoulders, he got dressed himself, nobody said anything about the band around his ankle, Voldemort hadn't removed it merely deactivated it. He messed with his tie on the way down to the common room, getting it to sit straight, which he successfully did just before he got into the common room listening to Hermione and Ron going on about Lavender and Seamus not believing that Voldemort was back.

Perhaps he had been a bit too hasty in his bid to come back to Hogwarts, he thought as he walked through the common room, aware of all the eyes on him. They were treating him like they had in his second year; as if he was about to suddenly start attacking everyone just because he could talk to snakes. He was so bloody tired of their hypocritical bullshit, of the way they treat him, and surely they can't think they could do this to him then expect him to be all forgiving the next day? Oh that's exactly what they wanted he knew that. He glared at the Ravenclaw's who all huddled together as they passed him. He snorted derisively at their actions, like he could care less about them! All this was doing was showing just how pathetic the light side was, at least with Voldemort there was a sense of camaraderie…just a bit. Unfortunately he had to take his O.W.L's, at least, just so he could continue to use magic. Perhaps it was best to ask Severus if there was a way around this, it was only day one and he was already ready to curse someone silly and give them a reason to fear him.

Harry sat down in his usual seat, pointedly ignoring everyone that was until Katie stalked up to him. "Good summer?" she asked, but without waiting for an answer she continued on, "Listen, I've been made Gryffindor Quidditch Captain."

"Okay, quick question, why are you telling me?" Harry asked, staring at her blankly, hadn't McGonagall told her the news yet?

"With Oliver gone, I'm holding tryouts on Friday at five o'clock I want the whole team there." Katie explained.

Harry snorted, "No, you're not just holding tryouts for a Keeper, you're doing tryouts for both a keeper and a seeker." he informed her.

"What are you going on about?" Katie asked perplexed, her eyes widened, "You're not quitting on me!"

"No, no I'm not, I've been suspended from Quidditch, flying and Hogsmeade weekends," Harry informed her bluntly, a little bit of bitterness coating his voice.

"We've not even been back a day! What did you do?" Katie choked out, unable to believe she wasn't going to have Harry as a seeker this year; she would need to talk to McGonagall and try to make her see reason.

"Your guess is good at mine, apparently because of my utter disregard for the rules by running away, I'm being punished." Harry replied sardonically.

"BUT WHAT YOU DO DURING THE SUMMER HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOGWARTS!" Katie screeched, extremely upset by the unfair punishment forced upon all Gryffindors. "I'll talk to Professor McGonagall," she said determinedly.

"Don't bother," Harry said shaking his head, "I won't play even if they decide to overturn the suspension."

"Come on Harry, that's just cutting your nose of to spite your face!" Katie complained.

"Can you blame me?" Harry asked her honestly, "I'm pretty sure anyone in my shoes would do the same thing." he pointed out.

Katie just stood there, gaping, before grudgingly sighing and agreeing with him. If she had been punished in such a way for something she didn't to at Hogwarts she probably would react the same way. Harry accepted the timetable McGonagall handed him without looking at her, but judging by the way Katie was looking at their head of house she was never going to hear the end of it.

"Look at today!" Harry heard Ron complain as he always did when he got his new timetable, "History of magic, double potions, Divination and double Defence Against the Dark Arts…Binns, Snape, Trelawney and that Umbridge all in one day!…" Harry ignored the rest of his complaint by immersing himself in his new timetable as he served himself some breakfast and absently ate it; sliding his timetable into his history book he shoved it properly into his bag.

Well he had an entire hour of listening to Binns today, then something a little more lively, potions, this year he wasn't holding any prisoners…not that he was allowed to. Both Severus and Voldemort had threatened him against getting his usual grades. Starting with History of magic, which he was barely passing, well not so much anymore, Voldemort had made him read and memories even N.E.W.T's questions he knew if he were to take the exam it he'd probably pass. Voldemort was a harsh taskmaster, there was no denying that, but he knew that already the duelling they'd done…or rather he'd felt like a dummy to begin with.

Harry entered the dungeons when Seve-Snape he had to remind himself, he couldn't slip up here of all places, and instead of taking his seat beside Ron and Hermione in the back, he sat himself in one of the benches that was normally empty. He had to bite his tongue when he heard Snape call on them to 'Settle down' which was pointless since everyone remained quiet in Snape's class, he'd made it more than clear he would give detention to anyone found talking in his class…right from first year.

"Before we begin today's lesson," Severus said, "I think it appropriate to remind you that next June you will be sitting an important examination, during which you will prove how much you have learned about the composition and use of magical potions. Moronic though some of this class undoubtedly are I expect you to scrape an acceptable in your OWL, or suffer my displeasure."

He strode to the front before continuing, "After this year, of course, many of you will cease studying with me, I take only the very best into my NEWT potions class, which means that some of us will certainly be saying goodbye." now Severus had definitely glanced at him, Harry's lips twitched and he arched an eyebrow, oh he had no doubt that Severus would be glad to see the back of many students, and he would have been one of them…if this summer had not happened.

"But we have another year to go before that happy moment of farewell," Severus replied softly, "So whether or not you are intending to attempt NEWT, I advise all of you to concentrate your efforts upon maintaining the high pass level I have come to expect from my OWL students."

"Today we will be mixing a potion that often comes up at Ordinary Wizarding Level: the Draught of Peace, a potion to calm anxiety and soothe agitation. Be warned, if you are too heavy handed with some of the ingredients you will put the drinker into a heavy and sometimes irreversible sleep, so you will need to play close attention to what you are doing." Severus explained his lip curling as he noticed as always Granger was sitting up right, determinedly.

With a few flicks of his wand, the board was writing out the instructions or as the professor always said 'method' everyone immediately began rushing to gather the ingredients to start the potion. Harry decided to wait, he was only slightly surprised that there had been no questions, he usually did that without fail, and maybe there wasn't enough time? The potion did take the entire duration of their double period he summarised.

"Harry what are you doing?" Hermione whispered urgently, seeing him still sitting there, the professor was going to be so furious if he didn't brew the potion. She looked a cross between wanting to stay there and continue reprimanding him or getting her own potion quickly started to. When Harry continued to ignore her, her decision was made and she quickly scurried to her own desk, and began preparing her ingredients. Occasionally looking up at Harry worriedly, wondering what was going through his mind.

Only once the majority of the students had returned did Harry stand up and retrieve his own set of ingredients, setting up his cauldron, casting a shield charm over it so that nothing not by his own hand could be thrown into his cauldron. The potion would have been quite a difficult potion to brew if Harry hadn't created and brewed more difficult ones himself this summer. The directions were very precise, and like Severus had warned, if they were too heavy handed, it would go wrong.

Harry flicked his wand at the bottom of his cauldron, simmering the flame lightly to the level required for the potion to simmer, which he allowed for precisely six minutes before he added the last ingredient. Smirking in satisfaction, at both the pieces of potion ingredient that had been flicked onto his table, after bouncing harmlessly of his shield and the fact his potion was the right colour and consistency for once…well at Hogwarts at any rate. Harry wiped his forehead, sweating profusely, the constant heat made one glad they brewed in a dungeon sometimes.

"A light silver vapour should be now rising from your potion," Severus called to his students, noticing the ones that definitely didn't have it rising from their potions.

"Well, well, Potter, it seems if you keep this up you might just pass your OWL after all," Severus said, staring down at the potion, a grimace on his face. "Five points to Gryffindor," Harry's eyebrows rose up in surprise as his jaw dropped, he couldn't believe it! Snape had just awarded Gryffindor points! To him! He wasn't the only one surprised both the Gryffindors and Slytherins were gasping and whispering to their neighbours unable to believe their ears. "Those who have brewed the potion, put it into a vial, label it clearly and put it on my desk. Homework will be twelve inches of parchment on the properties of moonstone and its uses in potion-making, to be handed in Thursday."

Severus had to stop himself smirking in satisfaction at Harry's genuine emotion and the fact that Granger was staring at Harry's cauldron as if she'd never seen one before. Merlin he slightly wished he could find a reason to be in each of Harry's classes just to see the looks on Grangers face. She'd never had competition before, except in defence, but now that wasn't going to be the case anymore. He moved on to the other cauldrons already looking for a reason to deduct the potions he'd awarded.

"Five points from Gryffindor, Longbottom, for this disgrace of a potion, zero points," Severus stated sharply, banishing the contents of the potion, before he went over to Ron's cauldron and did the same thing, minus the loss of points.

Harry just rolled his eyes, well there we go, he managed to remove them as quickly as he gave them, he thought wryly. Not that Harry really cared about house points anymore, it was just stupid. He had stopped caring about a lot of things these days, it just seemed so childish. Just then he saw Goyle's vial shatter and his robes caught on fire. He stood there and enjoyed the show before putting his unbreakable vial on the desk, clearly labelled with his name. It was lunch time and he was glad for it, he was utterly starving, his own fault really for not having much breakfast. Harry quickly cleaned up his workstation and scooped up his bag the second Severus dismissed the class he was gone.

We've seen someone else always defend Harry to Sirius but I don't think I've ever had Harry being frank with Sirius sooo I added it in...which kinda fits with Harry's real personality, so I'm alright with it and I hope you enjoyed it too! He just totally laid out the facts and Sirius couldnt defend himself because it was true, but will Sirius realize he needs to get his act together along with the potion? or will he continue to defend Dumbledore and Harry realize he will have to let him go? Although I loved writing Sirius the way he was in Pretty Boy sorta dark along with Lupin just sticking to Harry's side all the way through...might be fun to do again, I guess we'll see how the muse goes for it! potions is the only class i can really think that Harry can improve in right now that would twist hermione's tail unless we have him taking arithmancy and ancient runes? :D I mean him coming in and answering the questions smoothly as if he'd always been there would be a sight to write! will Harry eventually forgive Ron and Hermione after he lets them sweat? or will they always put Dumbledore first too? and how will voldemort find out about the blood quill? will he know despite the fact Harry doesn't tell him? or will Harry want revenge enough to tattle? R&R please