Embracing His True Self

Chapter 26

Harry stared down at the note that one of the second year Gryffindors had given him - from Dumbledore - just after sitting down for breakfast, a curious mixture of feelings brewing within him. Not even twenty-four hours had passed since the will reading, it was Sunday morning, yet Dumbledore couldn't leave well enough alone. Was he going to try and explain himself? Had Dumbledore already spoken to Sirius and Remus? Had they betrayed him? They usually did parrot everything he said or wrote back to the old man, but Sirius had insisted it was truly out of concern. If they had gone and repeated what he said at Dumbledore then he was through with the pair of them, he wouldn't be able to trust them again. Although a biting voice in his head reminded him that they might not want anything to do with him because of his reluctance to fight for the 'good of the magical world' Merlin help him he didn't want to fight, he just wanted to create his own potions and spells and be left alone and not expected to deal with a wizard who had sixty years more magical knowledge than him. Voldemort was fine with that, oh who was he kidding? Voldemort actually wanted him on his side; he could see that clear as day. He would be satisfied with Harry being neutral though, of that he was sure.

Shaking his thoughts off, there was no point to wondering, he would find out soon enough since he was to go after breakfast. Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he'd spent the rest of the day yesterday refreshing his knowledge on all subjects OWLS test related. Just in case he missed anything during the reading he'd done this summer. Hell he had been reading NEWTS material and more but between classes, homework, his actual OWLS exams and getting last minute revision done he wasn't getting much sleep.

Folding it up, he put it in his pocket before he began to eat his breakfast sedately, taking his time as much as he'd love to put it off he knew he couldn't outright ignore Dumbledore's summons he was the Headmaster after all. Glancing around the hall, idly noticing that Umbridge was once again back on her feet, a little cowed but not enough for his tastes even scared she managed to pull of a haughty attitude from where she sat lording over the table as if she owed it. Grimacing in distaste, his eyes sought out those in Slytherin, Merlin help him but they were getting worse, each day that passed, and her little squad was making everyone's lives hell. Draco was trying his hardest to make his life worse as well, but he wasn't succeeding which just pushed him to make it worse. It wasn't just Umbridge that was giving him detention but Malfoy was as well, and for made up offences, with Umbridge out of it he'd been serving with Severus or McGonagall even Filch once.

He had a feeling it would all start back up again, clenching his fist, the words were barely visible, but still there and he loathed the sight of them. Clenching and unclenching his fist, while the detentions weren't brothering him overly much pain wise, he was just tired of being the constant target everyone picks. Was it too much to ask that for once he wasn't forced to endure something happening at Hogwarts? Just to have a good year without anything going wrong in his life?

"Up for a game of chess later, Harry?" Neville asked after swallowing his food, he wasn't Ron thank you very much, even with Hermione's complaints and admonishing he still hadn't changed in four years.

"I have to go see the Headmaster right after breakfast," Harry informed him shaking his head, wiping his mouth with his napkin where residue from his scrambled egg had run down his chin. Knowing Dumbledore he'd be there for at least an hour while he tried to manipulate him.

"I mean after lunch, Gran's coming in a few minutes to take me to get a wand instead of waiting until Hogsmeade weekend or the holidays," Neville said, puffing out with a grin. His Gran had written to Professor McGonagall and gotten the permission slip for her to take him out of school for the day. He wasn't sure what had changed her mind so quickly that she'd written a letter then another a few hours later but he wasn't complaining. If what Harry said was right…he might not be so useless after all…it might have been the wand that made him unable to do many spells right.

"Sure," Harry agreed, picking up another piece of toast, "After lunch then," he could get some reading done in-between.

"Great!" Neville replied, "You don't mind if Luna comes do you?" here he added that hesitatingly, a red flush appearing on his face.

"Not at all," Harry answered, as long as she wasn't like everyone else, mocking him because he'd told the truth of Voldemort being back. Neville fancied her; it was obvious by the way just mentioning her name caused him to blush like that. He wondered if Luna already knew or if Neville didn't have the confidence to ask her. He would need to find out, see what he could do about it, and make sure Luna felt the same; he didn't want to embarrass Neville but help him.

Ron chewed on his bottom lip that was something he and Harry usually did at the weekend, play chess. It was one of the few things he was better at Harry at. Despite the fact he always bet Harry at the game, they still played, Harry was much better than he'd been when he was eleven and playing for the first time though. Not having Harry as his best friend was awful, hanging around with Seamus and Dean just wasn't the same, he felt like an outsider most times since when they joked or reminiscent on past occasions he hadn't been there to really understand their amusement. "Harry?" Ron finally said, his breakfast finished, already nabbing a few things from the table to eat a second helping.

"What is it?" Harry asked, turning to Ron.

Ron relaxed a little, he'd honestly half expected Harry to ignore him, "W-would you like to fly after dinner? You know…maybe help me for my first game?" he was extremely nervous about it, but he really wanted to do well.

Harry grinned, Ron was acting like he had at the age of eleven, honestly, and you wouldn't think Ron had grown up with the sport the way he was acting. "You want me to throw a Quaffle at you repeatedly?"

Ron gulped audibly, "Er…yes?" not sure if he should be agreeing…Harry was mad at him still. He probably deserved it; he had listened to Hermione and Dumbledore and ignored him.

"What do you think, Neville? Should I help him?" Harry said turning to the teen that looked as though he'd been caught in the headlights.

Neville shrugged, he honesty didn't want to get in-between them although Harry did look as if he was just kidding around. "Depends do you want Gryffindor to win the Quidditch cup?" he bravely said.

Harry laughed, "Alright, Ron, I'll help you, do you have permission from McGonagall to practice?"

"Professor McGonagall," Hermione reprimanded unable to stop herself.

She was promptly ignored by the three conversing wizards.

"That's only for when the whole teams practicing, I checked," Ron confessed blushing red, "We can play anywhere really," he just wanted to practice.

"You probably should get permission to use the pitch though," Harry commented idly, glancing at the teachers table to make sure they were all still sitting. They all were, with one notable exception, Dumbledore was already gone. "You know what will happen if Umbridge catches us without permission." he didn't relish getting another detention, at least not for another fortnight by then he should be through with his OWLS or close to it.

"Good point," Ron admitted his brow furrowed as he thought about their newest Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Who would have thought they could hate anyone more than Quirrell or Lockhart? Hell even Moody was better than Umbridge and they'd been taught by a lunatic all year. Not getting to use magic in defence classes sucked, practical classes were always the best, hands down, which Professor Lupin did a lot of during their third year. "I'll speak to her after breakfast." he decided, he didn't want Harry mad at him again like he had been after their first Defence class.

"Alright," Harry nodded before finishing the remains of his now cold breakfast, wiping his face again before placing the cutlery down and the cloth napkin went on top. There was nothing else he could do now to stall the inevitable meeting between him and Dumbledore. Surely it was unethical to call up students to your office all the time, when it rarely ever had anything to do with school. Scowling at the thought of the oncoming event, he murmured quietly to Neville, "I'll see you later," with that Harry left the Great Hall not even waiting on Neville's reply, ignoring the looks he could feel boring into his back.

Harry didn't meet anyone wandering the halls as he ambled towards the Headmaster's office, looking for all the world as if he was merely taking a stroll around the school.

"Fizzing Whizbee," Harry stated confidently as he finally reached the Headmaster's office, the password had been written down on the letter under post-script, he couldn't be anymore obvious about it, how nobody had snuck in and killed Dumbledore in his own office yet he had no idea. Once the gargoyle had stopped moving, Harry stepped on and casually made his way up, until he was right in front of the large oak door with the lion handle.

Knocking only once on the door, knowing Dumbledore liked to call out after the second knock, he always knew who was knocking, between the portraits that constantly reported to him and the spell on his door, there was nothing mysterious about it. Harry pursed his lips in amusement when after a few seconds pause when it became clear he wouldn't knock again, Dumbledore's voice called for him to "Come in, Harry!" his voice slightly confused. He obviously wasn't used to people not playing along with his games.

Turning the handle, Harry entered the red and gold office, standing there with a bored mask on his face, "You wanted to see me, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he observed the teen, "I did, please sit down, Harry, we have much to discuss," Dumbledore said, his voice calm and soothing, as if he wanted nothing more than to reassure Harry that he could be trusted. "Tea? Coffee? Lemon drop?" he questioned, dipping a spoon into a cup of coffee already on his desk and stirring it. The small bowl of lemon drops were in the centre of the desk, where they always were, offered to anyone that stepped foot in the office.

"I've just eaten breakfast," Harry stated bluntly, as he took a seat, hiding his resignation at having to even be near Dumbledore. He ensured his mental barriers were at their top efficiency before even looking anywhere near Dumbledore.

Dumbledore's twinkle dimmed at the way Harry was speaking to him, he wasn't sure how to fix this distance between them. Harry had to trust him for everything to go according to plan; he had to believe him when he said he would need to die at Voldemort's hand at the right moment for the good of the magical world, the good of his friends. Which still wasn't fixed, Harry was still continuing his friendship with Neville Longbottom. He was going to have to try something a bit more drastic to pull the trio together again; perhaps an attack on the Weasley's would pull Harry back in line and strike the friendship up again. He would have to think it through, plan each detail carefully he didn't want to risk killing one of them. "My boy…I'm sure you have so many questions regarding everything that had happened recently…perhaps we should have a frank and honest conversation, don't you? We don't want Voldemort to win after all do we?"

Harry blinked at him, his face blank; he not talking to Dumbledore was letting Voldemort win was it? That attempt at manipulation was the most pathetic he had seen from the old man yet. The thought of Dumbledore having an honest conversation was amusing; he had to fight to keep his lips from twitching out into a smirk. Did Dumbledore even know what it was to be honest with someone anymore? "I couldn't agree more, Headmaster," Harry said, glancing at the floor, trying to look a little abashed or ashamed of himself. His heart really wasn't in it though, he was tired of the constant masks he wore here, harder still because he'd acceptance to the real him during the summer…a friend in Barty too. Regretfully though needs a must he really had to keep himself in check, he could say all he really wanted to say to the old fool when all was said and done and he left Hogwarts for good. Putting it this way, if Dumbledore didn't get rid of Umbridge he didn't think he'd last the year, hence his reason for getting his exams done as soon as possible.

"I'm glad you agree," Dumbledore said giving Harry a beaming proud smile, which had never failed yet.

'I'm sure you do,' Harry thought with derision, his wide green eyes innocently staring up into Dumbledore's was if he hadn't envisioned the old fools death in every possible way imaginable. Instead of giving him a verbal answer, he just smiled a little; he wasn't going to make it easy on the Headmaster.

Dumbledore seemed to deflate before his very eyes, "I do hope you can forgive me, Harry," Albus informed the teenager, "I have been such a blind old man, I understand it must look bad as the situation stands, but let me reassure you, everything I've done was for your benefit." the guilt clearly showed in those baby blue eyes that were for once not twinkling at all.

"Situation, Professor?" Harry asked, clenching his hands into fists under the table, straining to keep his face from showing just how furious he was for Dumbledore having the gall to use him for the decisions he'd made over the years.

"It was a tough time, Harry, very tough time, Voldemort had just gained the allegiance of the Dementors and his forces were close to taking over both Hogwarts and the Ministry of Magic." Albus' eyes glazed slightly. "I admit I signed the wills but I did not look them over as I should, between Wizengamot meetings, Order meetings and trying to keep the population as well as the students at Hogwarts calm…I was busy day and night and I trusted your parents to sign them without looking them over."

Harry bit his tongue, stopping himself from gritting his teeth.

"Then that Halloween it was over, just like that, your parents were gone, you only had the Dursley's for family and you needed the blood protections that came with it. It was a good thing too otherwise you may not have survived the encounter during your first year." he said admonishing the boy as if he hadn't set the entire thing up. "I made a decision to hold out on the will reading until you were old enough to attend; regretfully I kept putting it off, wishing for you to be a child just a bit longer. You already had so many responsibilities burdening your shoulders I wished to save you from some of it."

Harry said nothing, remaining stoically silent as Dumbledore lied through his teeth. He'd heard it all in the past, and honestly, he would rather be doing something else rather than listening to this. Part of him believed that Dumbledore was quick to threaten the Dursley's into taking him in because he was worried what could become of his potential weapon if he grew up in an orphanage environment, probably terrified of actually creating another psychopath. He needed Harry malleable and to look up to Dumbledore and the teachers, see them as saviours taking their sides in any situation for getting him out of an abusive environment.

"I knew you wouldn't be happy at the Dursley's, I had hoped they would take you in and love you as their own, with the Death Eaters after Voldemort, looking for him and you as well, I couldn't risk your life, your mother had died to save you and doing so cast the ultimate protection against any and all who would do you harm. The protection will keep you alive." Dumbledore continued on a roll, the silence was daunting; Harry was usually predictably easy to ire. "You see, Harry, I didn't want you to grow up troubled like Voldemort did in an orphanage."

"I understand," Harry replied seeing that Dumbledore was evidently waiting on him saying something - anything - at that point.

"Why did you not come to discuss your Lordship with me, Harry?" Albus asked after over five minutes of silence, during that time he'd found his coffee was at the correct drinking temperature and had a few sips. Deciding to change the subject sensing he wouldn't get more of out of Harry. He was obviously not going to forgive him easily for that, if the Dursley's weren't found perhaps letting him spend time with his godfather would earn him some brownie points. Perhaps even suggesting that he go there over Christmas break. "I would have been more than happy to give you your things back, they are after all rightfully yours." making it seem as though he'd had every intention of returning them. All the years of having the Potter Grimoire he still hadn't successfully found a way to override the charms on it, thus he had been unable to read it. He had been convinced he was getting close though, regretfully its secrets were now lost to him. He'd been specifically wanted to look for information on the Invisibility cloak.

"It was summer holidays," Harry said simply, "I had no idea the Dursley's had ran off, I knew you'd just try and force me back, I've made it more than clear what they do but it doesn't matter what I say, Sir, to me the protection isn't ultimate, if it was it would have protected me from my aunt and uncle." having to stop himself from spitting out what he really thought of them 'Filthy fat Muggles' that they were. "The Goblins suggested they could get them for me, I thought it was a win-win scenario."

Of course, Albus thought in annoyance, he should have thought it was the goblins idea from the beginning. It meant things weren't as dire as he had thought, this was good. He just needed Harry to forgive him for leaving him with the Dursley's, he was a teenager, it was just a simple matter of teenage rebellion, all teens went through it, once the rebellion ended he was hopeful that Harry would go back to normal forgive him and his friends he would need them before the end after all. "Do you have any questions about your Lordship?" Albus questioned, digging for information, trying to find out what Harry had learned about it so far. He would also discuss it with Sirius Black when he went through to Grimmauld Place after this meeting. He needed to piece absolutely everything together.

Harry shook his head, "I'm not really interested," he said, rolling his eyes a little, watching in interest as Dumbledore relaxed just a tad, if he hadn't been watching very closely he wouldn't have noticed. Now why would Dumbledore be happy about that?

"If you like I can retake the mantle until you finish school," Albus suggested, it seemed to him that the goblins may have initiated the entire thing; perhaps the Potter seats weren't lost to him as he had believed. Not that it mattered right now with him being on shaky ground within the Ministry of magic, his status as chief warlock of the Wizengamot was gone, and he'd been told in no uncertain terms that he wasn't allowed back until this 'phase' passed.

"That's okay, Sir, I'm sure you've got enough on your plate without adding to it," Harry said gesturing towards the large pile of mail taking up one side of Dumbledore's desk. "It's just money, it can wait a few years maybe then I'll learn what I have to." shrugging, making himself out to be completely unaware of the laws and ways of pureblood's, heirs, Lordships. While he didn't know everything, he was still learning, Severus kept handing him a large black bound book on laws and regulations of a lordship society, the seats, the Wizengamot and what they did whenever he saw him unoccupied either while he waited for the examiner or waited for the potions to be finished.

"Very well," Albus said sitting back thoughtfully, giving in for now, but knowing the boy didn't care about his status meant he might be able to convince him to sign the seats over to him as proxy. He was sure informing him that it would help with the war efforts would see to it that Harry hands them over. For now he decided to leave it, at least until he was back on the Wizengamot when Voldemort made his inevitable appearance amongst the magical world - he had patience and time - so yes, it was merely a waiting game. "If you change your mind, my door is always open to you." it hadn't gone the way he'd hoped but it could have gone a lot worse. He was beginning to realize it would take a while to gain Harry's forgiveness.

"How would you like to spend some time with your godfather?" Albus enquired, 'got you' he thought in satisfaction as Harry's eyes lit up for the first time since he came into the room.

"Really?" Harry asked joyfully and not having to feign it, he would like to spend time with Sirius, work on manipulating him face to face instead of through a mirror. He wanted his godfather on his side, so he was going to do everything he could to ensure that. Or at the very least make sure Sirius wouldn't remain in the Order, it would make him a target waiting to happen.

"Say over Christmas?" Albus suggested he was sure Sirius could get the child to open up even if he didn't manage to do so. Maybe even find out where he had been staying, something just didn't feel right about the 'hotel' to 'hotel' story Harry had given them, no sign of lies but Albus just couldn't point it out, something was bugging him about it. Perhaps it was just Harry's newfound confidence?

"I'd love that, Sir," Harry said grinning in genuine delight, he definitely didn't want to remain at Hogwarts - not that he'd intended to no matter what Dumbledore said - whether it was in session or not he had a feeling Umbridge would somehow find a way to give him detention and make his life a misery.

"Good!" Albus beamed, "Now go on, I'm sure you have other things to do than talking to an old man on a Sunday morning."

"Yes, I'm playing chess with Neville," Harry said standing up, letting the old man think he was getting through to him. He'd just turned his back when he started speaking again, much to his irritation.

"Ah, yes, I had noticed your falling out with Ronald and Hermione," Albus said looking at Harry over his half-moon glasses in disappointment. "Both of them have stuck by you through thick and thin, I don't think you could get better friends than them, you should forgive them, my boy, before its too late, trust an old man with many regrets under his belt." he said solemnly.

Harry turned and nodded absently, wondering what the hell made Ron and Hermione so important to Dumbledore that he felt he needed to interfere with who he accepted as a friend? Was it possible that Dumbledore already had them picked out before Hogwarts? Or decided after he came? It seemed to him that Ron had accepted their friendship wouldn't be the same and was taking what he could get…and Hermione she'd been compelled - whether it was willingly or not he wasn't sure - to become his friends again by suggesting an illegal defence club.

Seeing Dumbledore distracted perhaps by his lack of enthusiastic answer? Or maybe thinking about his plans either way, he saw an opening to leave without answering more questions and he took it. "Goodbye Headmaster," Harry murmured just loud enough that the portraits could say they heard him. As he was opening the door he noticed one of the Headmaster's smirking at him, he blinked at it, it looked a bit like Sirius, the eyes and dark hair gave away an obvious Black heritage, he'd been in Slytherin too judging by the silver and green scarf he wore, but unlike Dumbledore he didn't have his office painted in his house colours he observed seeing the office and how it had looked while this wizard was in it.

He'd have to ask Sirius later, he gave the portrait a grin causing it to laugh before he closed the door behind him. Only once he was out the room did he allow himself to relax fully, mentally and physically. Well, it looked as though Sirius hadn't said anything to Dumbledore, he supposed that was something, he really didn't want to leave Sirius behind but if he was betrayed by his godfather then he would have to. He'd do all he could to make sure Sirius survived, but even at that he didn't think there was much he could do.

Glancing out the window longingly, before grudgingly trudging up the stairs, he needed to get a few more study sessions in before tomorrow since he had another exam to prepare for. He supposed he should just thank his lucky stars he wasn't being forced to do the exams at the weekend as well. He would need to get an early night tonight, not only was he going to be up early for class, he wouldn't get to the common room until around ten or eleven o'clock at night.

Albus was startled out of his thoughts when the door closed with a loud click and Black began to laugh in his portrait. Giving the dead Headmaster a disapproving look as he pursed his lips. He honestly didn't know what to do with the boy, all his plans had been screwed up at one point or another, he had never expected (or wanted) Harry to become a Lord, the only saving grace was the boy had no desire to use his influence. Rubbing his fingers over his lips, he was so sure he would have all plans back to normal at the end of the year, once Umbridge was gone, Harry would see him as a protector once more. If he deviated further then he would have no choice but to get him to toe the line again.

Now it was time to speak to Sirius and Remus, unfortunately, they wouldn't believe him when he said he signed without reading since they were wizarding raised, and knew nobody signed anything without reading it over. He would need to be cautious, since if they did discuss it his lies could be known. Not that Black really mattered, or his thoughts, he was useful for now; he had given them a place to hold the Order meetings.

Standing up, mulling over possible ideas, he grasped a handful of Floo Powder and stepped into the intricately designed, marble fireplace that had stood the test of time. "GRIMMAULD PLACE ORDER HEADQUARTERS!" Albus called out, throwing the Floo Powder at his feet, the lurching sensation of falling through the Floo met him only to be jarringly slammed into the back of a fireplace before yanked back and spat out into his own office.

Dumbledore coughed and spluttered up ash out his mouth, gaping at the red and gold rug in front of him as if he couldn't believe his eyes.

Hmm, it's odd but I keep getting this urge to include Ron more often than even Hermione...unusual isn't it? Hmm not that it matters I don't think I could realistically have Ron join the dark side unless I really have him hating being so similiar to his brothers that he does something unique or perhaps to even protect them who knows? when it is that trelawney get's sacked? anyone know offbat? If not it's fine I'll be doing some searching before the next chapter :D It's been a while since I read book 5 so you'll probably not see many classes or similiar material I hope thats alright with you guys :D anyone get a laugh out of the last bit? Or am I just easily amused ;) R&R please!