I sat down in the break room of the crime lab. I was supposed to be going over a file right now, but all I could seem to do was stare at the manila envelope on the table in front of me. I couldn't quite get a grip on this case, let alone bid my hand to open the file. This just had to happen, today of all days, and to me of all people!
I sighed again. You know the saying, 'Curiosity killed the cat'? Well, I'm not exactly dead, but it did feel like this case was killing me, but in more of a mental rather than physical way. I looked down to the tab on the file, almost daring myself to. I knew the heartache that would come from looking at it, but I did it anyway. I looked at the name scribbled in my handwriting on that tab. It read Robert Gregory Sanders. I felt my gut leap. That was the name of the victim of my new case. And Robert, though bearing no physical resemblance to Greg, was like him in every way. I know that doesn't make sense, but nothing really seems to today. I sighed and banged my head against the table a couple of times. When I looked up, Catherine was there.
" Easy there, Sara, you don't need anymore head injuries. We need that brain of yours." Catherine said, the motherly concern oozing out of her voice.
I looked at her, a less than amused look on my face.
Catherine straightened up and pulled a chair next to mine. " You doing okay?"
" In all honesty, no, Cat, I'm really not. I'm falling apart piece by piece, and it hurts like hell. I try to get a grip on things, to keep myself here and not loose it, and I'm almost there, when Grissom throws something like this at me." I passed the file over to Catherine.
She scanned it over quickly, anger chasing her concern away. " Are you kidding me? Grissom actually gave you this case? You, of all people!"
I smirked, though what I was feeling did not match it at all. " What are you trying to say, Cat?"
Catherine looked at me. " Sorry, Sara, I'm not trying to say you aren't good, but what the hell? Grissom knows full well that he can't give anyone on this team a case like this, especially today, and especially you."
I looked at my colleague. Ever since the crash, Catherine and I had really bonded. Dar I say it, we were even friends now. We'd spend time with each other; even go to the mall with Lindsey. We were close now, which I had almost feared. I loved Catherine like the sister I never had, and that used to be the problem. We had become just as close as Greg and I, (before he asked me out, that is) and then he died. For a while there, I was afraid the same thing would happen to Cat, but I'm over that now. I looked at her, very vague amusement on my face.
" Oh…sorry Sara. I'm not saying the right stuff today."
" No, it's fine. I understand.
Catherine looked down, then back at me, a mischievous look in her eyes that I knew all to well. " What do you say, we go down to his office and start our own personal rebellion?"
I couldn't help but laugh. " I dunno Catherine, I've tried it before."
" Oh c'mon Sara."
I smiled but shook my head. " Go ahead without me okay?"
Catherine was obviously disappointed, but the determination remained in her eyes. "Alright, I'll go talk some sense into him, and then, we'll go out for breakfast, okay?"
I smiled. " On you?"
She nodded. " On me."
" Then I'm in."
Catherine stormed down the hallway. She was about ready to set Gil's office on fire, but she kept her cool. Sadly, she had to pass the DNA lab on her way to his office. It was so otherworldly there now. Unearthly quiet. It had been a year since the crash, a year since Greg died, and she still wasn't used to it. But it wasn't just that. It was exactly a year ago today that it happened. Everybody was effected, all of them united under silence in memory of his passing.
Catherine came upon Grissom's office. The door was open, and classical music spilled out into the hallway. Grissom was writing something at his desk, and over the noise and his concentration, he didn't seem to have noticed Catherine's presence.
She picked a coin out of her pocket and chucked it at the stereo, silencing it immediately. Then she leaned up against the doorway, crossing her arms over her chest. " So, are a complete ass, or did you just not take your meds today?"
Grissom looked up. " Ah, Catherine. A pleasure as always, but you know, a nice hello would do fine."
" What's up with Sara's case?"
" What do you mean?"
" Why did you give it to Sara?"
" Why not?"
" Why not? Are you kidding me? Griss, do you even know which case you gave her?"
" What's your point here, Catherine?"
" Gil, none of us are fit to handle that case, especially Sara, and you know that!"
" Which case is this?"
Catherine sighed and rubbed her temples. " The Robert Gregory Sanders Case. Young white male, fresh out of college, majored in forensic science, died in a car crash with suspicious circs. Any of this ringing a bell?"
Grissom sighed. " Look Catherine, I know how this must feel on Sara, but we can't just stop doing our jobs. People are still dying and it is our job to give them justice. I can't just pass off every case that comes in here that has even the slightest in common with Greg's death. We can't allow this to effect us. I gave this case to Sara because I felt she would do the best with it."
" Even if it kills her?" and with that warning, Catherine left.
The ride over to he diner was a quiet one. Sara knew by the look on Catherine's face that she wasn't getting taken off the case. But she wasn't sure that she would have wanted to get taken off even if she had the chance. She felt like she owed it to Greg to finish it. Even if it drove her insane.
Sara looked out the window of the diner. She looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful day, some wispy clouds in the blue sky and the sun shining down brightly. Sara looked over to Catherine.
" Hey Cat?" she began, a question tearing through her thoughts.
" Yeah?"
"What do you think happens next?"
" Next after what?"
" When we die. What do you think happens next?"
Catherine looked at Sara intently. " Well, I guess you move on, get reincarnated or go to heaven or hell or where ever."
" Do you think there is a heaven?"
Catherine took in a deep breath. " I believe that every person has their own version of heaven, and that when it's their time they go there. There on personal paradise."
Sara smiled. " I like that. What do you think Greg's heaven is like?"
Catherine smiled and chuckled a bit. " Probably filled with nice cars, forensic science, his college buddies, and you."
" Me?"
" Yeah. I mean c'mon Sara, it was no secret how he felt about you."
Their food came, and they were both silent for a while. Then Sara got a new question. "What happens if you're ready to move on before it's your time?"
" What do you mean?"
" Well, no one really knows a whole lot about life, right? Even scientists, they don't know the theoretical meaning of life, of what it means to live. No one really does. No one knows why we're here, or what we we're meant to do. What if someone did know…what do you think would happen to them?"
" Well, I think, maybe if you do know, then you're done with this."
" Done with what?"
" Well, say there are different levels of life. If you do figure out this one, maybe you move on to the next one."
Sara considered this. " Yeah…"
" What are you getting at?" Catherine asked.
Sara looked at Catherine. She was the only one Sara let read the letter. Catherine was the only other person in the world who knew what happened to Greg the day he died. " Well, you remember how he said he had a vision that he was going to die? Maybe that was a test. And by accepting his death, he was able to move on to the next level."
Catherine sat back. She was speechless. This didn't sound like it was just a spur of the moment kind of thing. It sounded like Sara had been thinking about this for a while. But what exactly was Sara getting at? Was she trying to tell Catherine something that she just wasn't seeing?
Sara stood at Greg's gravestone. She read the bottom inscription. He put a smile on everyone's face. He lightened the darkest of hearts. He was loved by all, and love set him free. Sara looked down. She was alone; Catherine was in the car, waiting for her. Sara closed her eyes tight, fighting the tears with all her might. She steadied herself and opened her eyes, only this time, she saw Greg, leaning on his gravestone, looking exactly the same as the last time she saw him. Except for one difference. The sad kind of happy was gone from his eyes. Now he just looked, content if anything.
" Greg," was all she could say.
He looked at her, like maybe he was happy. " Sara, what's wrong?"
" I can't do it Greg. I can't keep doing…this…"
" What?"
" Living…without you. I can't do it. I don't feel the same way I used to. I just feel, tired, by everything. Nothing feels worth my energy. I just can't see myself going on much longer without going completely crazy."
" Yeah, I know how that feels."
" It's just like, my mother always told me that love would set me free. But I only loved you, Greg. And know that your gone, I just…I just can't…" she closed her eyes and turned her head.
She felt Greg's hand on her cheek. It wasn't ice cold anymore. Now it was warm. He looked in her eyes. Thunder roared somewhere in the distance as the clouds got darker.
Catherine couldn't believe her eyes. It couldn't be…she couldn't…. was that Greg?
Greg's hand left Sara's cheek and wrapped around her own hand. " Do you know why I'm here, Sara?"
" No, not really."
" I came to get you."
Sara opened her eyes and looked in his. " What?"
" I came to get you, Sara. It's your time."
Sara blinked. She backed up a couple of steps. She was going to die? She was going to die…? " I'm going to die?"
" If you accept it."
Sara looked around the graveyard, then to Catherine, who was now standing outside of the car. They looked at each other, exchanging words without really saying anything. Their eyes said it all. Catherine nodded in that sad kind of happiness.
Sara turned back to Greg. He took both of her hands in his, and she leaned in to him, and they shared a kiss.
I saw the whole thing happen. They kissed and then suddenly, a bolt of lightning came down and hit Sara full on. I'm not sure if she ever really felt the pain, but I don't think she did. And she got her wish, she was cremated and I let her ashes fly with the wind. It's how she would have wanted it.
I went home to Lindsey that evening, and I hugged her so hard. I didn't let go. I know how lucky I am to have her. Like Greg kept Sara going (no matter how short of a time it was), Lindsey keeps me going, and I thank God everyday for that.
I told the rest of the team that it was an accident and couldn't be helped, because it really was. But I was the only one who knew. I was the only one Sara told anything to. I knew she wasn't happy here. I can only imagine how happy she is now. And I knew she was in good hands, so that lessened the worry. And her and Greg finally got to be together. I guess I underestimated how much she actually did love him. I know it must seem tragic to most people, but I don't really think it is. Sara died in Greg's arms, and she's with him now. Wherever they are, I know they're together, and I know they're happy. It's just the way it should have been. After all, Sara always knew…she always knew that love would set her free. And it really did…