Embracing His True Self

Chapter 45

"Hey, how you doing?" Harry asked Barty as the wizard caught up with him, he was currently browsing around Diagon Alley, planning to head to Muggle London afterwards. He was going to return to the bookshop and find more books to aid him. The metamorphamagus potion wasn't perfect as he'd hoped, oh, it worked to an extent, but not the way he wanted it to. He was a perfectionist so he would keep it up until he did so. He wasn't desperate enough to ask for Severus' input yet. He was just being stubborn, he reckoned a few minutes with it Severus would be able to work out what exactly was missing from the potion. So stubbornness it was.

"I'm good, don't worry I'll be leaving soon," Barty reassured Harry, Granger and her parents had gone on holiday a fortnight ago leaving him free of his duties – promises – of taking care of them. He'd watched the girl for two weeks before they left. The longer he spent watching her the more she reminded him of himself…to a certain extent.

"I wasn't worried," Harry declared, as he entered the apothecary, Barty followed him. Grabbing a basket, Harry begun to gather the necessary materials he required. Both equipment – new things he wished to try and the normal items such as cauldrons and the like – as well as potion ingredients. "Have you seen today's paper?" they had been approving articles for the vetted reporter to publish for weeks now, each story getting more juicer than the last.

"Nope, that's why I'm here," Barty grinned in his usual manner. Normally he'd read the paper that was lying around their Lord's manor. Not these past weeks, no, he bought them himself and kept the articles in a scrap book, finding himself delighted in the way the articles were written by the genius duo. They really liked to smooth things over then bam go for the jugular.

"Of course," Harry said wryly, "Should have guessed," he knew about Barty's collection of Daily Prophet clippings with each article about suspicious happenings. For the most part, you'd need to read between the lines to catch they were implying Dumbledore other times they just outright named him as the culprit especially when they had proof.

"You should have," Barty said with self-assurance, chin tilted up in mock defiance before another grin broke out on his face. "It's kind of sick to see how Granger reacted to the articles." You'd think the articles were directly insulting her the way she reacted.

Harry pursed his lips as he handed over the basket to the apothecary worker, "Not her directly, just her belief's, she's stubborn, obstinate and does not like her points proven wrong." The whole House-elves thing was a prime example of that.

"After everything Dumbledore put you through how the fucking hell could she believe anything good about the old fool?" Barty sneered, whispering the words into Harry's ear so the wizard rounding up everything Harry was about to purchase couldn't hear him. Not using the words he really wanted to just in case any stray ears were listening in.

Barty paid no attention the wizard when he spoke, just waiting impatiently for Harry to finish so they could talk in somewhat privacy. Before long Harry handed over the money, never using his check book in case Dumbledore had friends in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. He paid with money to prevent Dumbledore knowing his often he frequented the Alley and to ensure his purchases were private.

He guided Harry back down a few shops in the opposite direction he'd been going in, really wanting to get his hands on the new newspaper even if they didn't read it yet. As he did so, he noticed people huddled around reading it, arguing quite fiercely in tones that most definitely carried.

While Barty went for his paper, Harry grabbed a few sweets from the empty Honeydukes shop that had just opened. It was too early even for children to be up and grabbing sweets from the shop yet, especially seeing as it was summer holidays.

They were making their way towards the Leaky Cauldron before Harry answered.

"Despite all her faults, Hermione is extremely devoted to whom she gives her loyalty to," Harry conceded as he chewed absently at his sugar quill. "It made up for all her shortcomings, which are a great many in my opinion." In fact Hermione was like Barty in that regard, gave her loyalty to someone, whether they deserved it or not she remained loyal.

Barty snorted, "She's supposed to be smart," he scoffed derisively, and she was, only Harry had beaten her out during her OWL scores apparently.

"Book smarts," Harry corrected him, as if it made a difference, and it did surprisingly.

"Why didn't you try and get her onside?" Barty asked in contemplative curiosity. "Deal with that loyalty she had to Dumbledore while she was younger?"

"Honestly?" Harry asked opening the door to the Leaky Cauldron, barely glancing at the occupants as he moved through the pub to the other side, his robe becoming a jacket as to better blend in with everyone on that side, Barty followed his example. "I never thought I would be on this side," and it was true, who would have thought he and Voldemort could have ever had a truce?

"You're meant to be on this side," Barty declared vehemently.

"Magical wise? We're in complete agreement, thought based? I agree again…but feeling wise? If I had any that was…not quite so." If he had felt anything for his parents he wouldn't have sided with Voldemort.

"As you always say, your belief's aren't your parent's ones, and vice versa," Barty rolled his eyes knowing where he was coming from. "And you do have feelings, otherwise we wouldn't have had some of the conversations we did," he added with a bit more solemnity.

Harry grinned wryly, "True," Barty had become a confidant over the past year or so, for the first time in his life he understood the meaning of a true friend. Ron didn't come close…but that may have something to do with them just being kids at the time and the fact Harry's heart hadn't been in it after a while. Same could be said for Hermione…they'd just been so different from him. "How was her reaction towards the end anyway?" he shoved his hands into his pockets as he moved along the packed streets of London, easily moving amongst the masses. He could find his way to the street he wanted with his eyes blindfolded.

"She no longer got a subscription after a week and a half," Barty explained, "Either it ran out or she cancelled it,"

"Probably the latter," Harry said immediately, "Although I'm surprised she'd do that, she liked to read everything and tried to see constantly if there were hidden messages in the papers." She did that when people spoke as well.

Barty laughed, "I noticed that," his eyes taking in the streets as they walked, keeping an eye out for any and all signs of danger. He'd watched her obsessively reading over the paper, eyes narrowed, hair bushy as if she was trying to decipher something particularly tricky. The slope of her neck, the nose, the angle of her cheekbones… she had quite the aristocratic look he'd noticed with her hair tied up, "She's actually got a bit of Malfoy in her if you know where to look."

Harry stopped abruptly, staring at Barty as if he'd just declared his undying loyalty to Dumbledore after the old fool promised him a lifetime in Azkaban. Eyeing the wizard intently, eventually his head cocked to the side, a look Barty was all too familiar with. An inquisitive stemmed decision Harry was making regarding what he believed to be correct at the time. He himself had never been on the receiving end of such a look before and he felt his heart sink with dread. "Huh, maybe," he shrugged and continued on as if nothing had happened, Barty could have fallen over in relief, but he had a feeling this wasn't over.

"Except the eyes," Barty added briefly, Granger's eyes were brown, although he reckoned that any adoption potion would bring forth the grey eyes the Malfoy's were known for.

Harry's lips twitched, it seemed as though Barty had his thoughts on Granger. The irony was immense that it took a lot to stop himself laughing. It wouldn't be the first time a great mind was derailed by his dick. He couldn't have picked anyone less likely to sleep with him too, even if she didn't know who he was.

They were literally just about to open the doors to Waterstones book store when his name was called out incessantly, "Harry! HARRY! Harry! Please wait!" persistently.

"Speak of the devil," Harry muttered in disbelief, as he turned around for his thoughts to be confirmed as he watched Hermione Granger run towards him at top speed. A look of disbelief and hope adorned her face as she skidded to a halt beside him, breathing heavily, glancing at Barty – who she did not recognise obviously – with wariness not knowing whether he was a wizard or not and not sure what to say or do now she was here.

"Harry," she whispered with reverence, breathing out trying to regain her equilibrium.

"Hello, Hermione," Harry said politely, not even glancing in Barty's direction.

Hermione looked stunned by the polite response, not expecting it given how they'd parted. "Can we talk?" she begged, once again glancing at the boy beside her once best friend.

"I'm not sure we have anything to say to each other, do you?" Harry asked curtly, he couldn't risk her having informed the Order that he was here. Which sucked, he actually really liked this bookstore, he'd have to find somewhere else. He couldn't risk coming back here into a waiting ambush by Dumbledore.

"Yes," Hermione said firmly, with absolution. "I'll go anywhere you want, I promise, anywhere, just…we need to talk? Please?" her statement came out more of a question.

Harry narrowed his eyes, staring at Hermione intently, her eyes were bloodshot, she looked exhausted. Had her family been attacked while on holiday after him thinking they would be safe? Or was all this a ruse to stall him in order for the damn Order to find him? Her proclamation to follow him suggested not but she could have a tracker on her. Which would lead Dumbledore to her wherever they chose to go. Had she lost weight? It certainly seemed so, which was strange, she never got so absorbed into anything enough not to eat…at least in his experience.

"Please?" she begged again, brushing her bushy hair from her face, grateful at least she now had her breathing under control.

"Maybe you should hear her out," Barty suggested, his lips twitched the way she glanced at him wide eyed as if she was stunned anyone would stick up for her.

"Get in here," Harry finally said, grabbing her by the arm and jolting her inside the building, making a beeline for the lift, ignoring her "What the…" having to refrain from laughing at her befuddled look. Barty wasn't quite so restrained, watching the pair of them from where he leaned casually against the lift as she stared at the new glowing letter after Harry put his wand in it.

"It has its own magical selection?" Hermione whisper-shouted as she stared agog, nobody could call Hermione stupid after all. "I…I didn't know that," she added the sound of a pout in her voice but there was nothing on her face to show she was upset with her lack of knowledge.

"Face me," Harry demanded, wand out, Hermione swallowed thickly, but stared at her one time best friend breathing out trusting him. Just as she was asking him to trust her at the end of the day. She relaxed as he begun to use detection spells on her, he must have thought she was doing something if he was checking her for spells. Her head jerked down in horrified surprise when he found a tracking charm on her. It was old, nearly two years judging by the deterioration. It was swiftly dispelled, only then did the three of them disembark from the lift. "I only need one thing, I'll be right back," he stated to both of them, giving Barty a look not to let her out of his line of sight, at least until they got the hell out of here. He wasn't sure he could trust her.

"Just wait here," Barty stated firmly when Hermione moved to follow Harry.

Hermione bit her lip before grudgingly nodding, "Who are you?" she asked tentatively.

Barty didn't answer.

The silence made Hermione twitchy, but she refrained from demanding answers she knew she had no right to. She honestly didn't want to scare Harry away before she spoke to him. In fact she didn't want to scare him away at all, Merlin, she missed him. So, so much.

She had a feeling this would be her only chance to talk to him.

"I'm Hermione," she said, "Hermione Granger," trying to gauge whether the guy knew who she was.

Barty gave nothing away, merely nodded curtly at her eyes carefully blank. Harry soon returned with his book wrapped up and sliding into his pocket. "We ready to go?" Barty questioned, knowing that Harry was definitely leaving, he knew that Dumbledore would probably come here to find out why the tracking charm had been deactivated.

"Yes," Harry stated in agreement, grabbing a hold of both Barty and Hermione he apparated them away from Waterstones.

Hermione quite quickly found her footing, glancing around in mild curiosity, they were still in London, just on the other side. Outside a quaint little café, with delicious spells permeating the air, it made her stomach growl something ferociously. So the unknown boy could be a wizard, he was certainly in the know at any rate.

"Let's get something to eat and talk in there," Harry stated, taking charge in a way Hermione hadn't seen outside of their little adventures, even then there was a cloud of uncertainty around him. Not anymore, he was completely confident, self-assured in his abilities, and despite herself, Hermione actually relaxed at that.

Ten minutes later they all had a plate of breakfast, cups of coffee and juice spread out in front of them. Eating breakfast in silence wasn't as awkward as Hermione thought it would be, Harry just seemed thoughtful, or rather lost in thought, while the unknown boy just seemed mostly amused by what she had no idea.

"How are your parents?" Harry asked, giving a nod of thanks as their empty plates were swept away from them and the cups with their coffee was refilled.

"On holiday," Hermione explained, "I was supposed to go with them but I didn't," she'd wanted answers, and had been on the prowl all week but she had so far found absolutely nothing.

"Oh? Why not?" Harry asked, pouring a single packet of sugar into the cup stirring it absently.

"I had something I wanted to do," Hermione explained quietly, "Are my parents what you really want to talk about?" she added even more quietly.

Barty was sitting watching the scene in front of him, drinking from the cup as he observed them, nothing giving away any of his thoughts and feelings.

"Come on, Hermione, we weren't friends in the end…what exactly do you expect from me?" Harry asked, leaning back to fully observe the girl.

Hermione sighed, "I know," she muttered resignedly, "If I was given an opportunity for a do-over I'd do it in a heartbeat."

"Hindsight's a bitch," Harry commented critically.

Hermione snorted in amusement, biting her lip as her eyes sparkled for the first time, "It is," and she was being serious, if she could just turn back time and do it right she would have. She'd been an idiot in the first place to put anyone ahead of her friendships. Ron and Harry had been all she'd ever had in that department, nobody else, ever. Spending so much time with her parents, they had influenced her, to look up to people with good standing, to listen to adults always, no matter what. "I'm really sorry you know,"

"I believe you," Harry said, able to read the sincerity in her thoughts and feelings, she had absolutely no Occlumancy shields whatsoever. "Unfortunately it's all too easy for us to forget things when forgiven and repeat them." Which was all too true, 'There was more to books and cleverness: friendship and bravery' she'd said but never followed up on it.

Hermione's eyes became shiny with tears she refused to let fall, "Can't we at least try to build bridges?" she asked, pursing her lips yet again, "I know I wasn't the best friend you could have asked for…but surely I wasn't that bad?" a vulnerable note crept into her voice, as if she was terrified every single vulnerability she had would be laid bare. With the way Harry had been she half expected it to go that way.

"Actually for the longest time you were exactly what I needed in a friend," Harry said in a rare move of sincerity, Hermione was baring her soul here, at her terrified expense that she'd be told she was awful. "But I was wary from the beginning especially the way you thought the sun shone out of Dumbledore's arse."

Barty coughed and spluttered the juice going everywhere, his face red as he got himself under control. Harry just patted him on the back laughing in amusement at his friends predicament.

"The beginning?" Hermione was bewildered, "What did I do from the beginning to make you be wary?" she was eleven for Merlin's sake.

"Besides the fact you begged the hat to put you into Gryffindor because Dumbledore had been in that house?" Harry drawled out sarcastically, Hermione nodded once, brown eyes pleading for nothing but the truth between them. "Tell me, if I went to your parents and told them that Dumbledore had suddenly led you to a killer at eleven years of age…left you alone with your friends to deal with him…that you ended up having to kill in order to survive…what would they have done? What would they have said?"

Realization began to dawn on Hermione along with horror, he'd been so wary of her even back then? "I was eleven!" she squeaked out, eyes exceedingly round as she stared at her one time best friend.

"What. Would. They. Have. Done?" Harry enunciated each word.

Slumping in defeat, she resignedly stated, "They would have taken me out of Hogwarts, possibly pressed charges against Dumbledore for child endangerment, child abuse, attempted murder, and anything else they could think of,"

Barty's eyes widened as he stared at Hermione in shocked surprise.

"Exactly," Harry sighed, rubbing his eyes, "Dumbledore led me to Voldemort, Hermione, led me to him, like a lamb to the slaughter, what kind of wizard does that make him?"

Swallowing thickly, "Not a very good one," she croaked, and she'd helped him, she bore that on her conscience as she read each newspapers until she couldn't stomach them anymore. She'd given in and bought them while she tried to find answers.

"Do you honestly think he didn't know exactly where the chamber was? who was doing it? How many children's lives he risked by his inactions? If a twelve-year-old could figure out the answer…do you truly believe he didn't know? I'm not saying you're not smart…but come on…" Harry asked her, watching her crumble in front of him. "Do you even realize how lucky everyone was that they didn't end up killed? That you didn't end up dead? How much danger he put Ginny in?"

Hermione wanted so badly to claim that Dumbledore didn't know about that…but after everything she'd been reading in the newspaper she was concerned that she was wrong. Yet again.

"Let's not forget our third year, Dumbledore could have took that time-turner from you, instead he risked both our lives for what? To save a fucking animal? He asked us to risk our bloody life for an animal!" Harry wanted to bellow at the top of his voice, instead he whisper-shouted.

"Not just Buckbeak, Sirius too," Hermione's protest was weak and half-hearted at best.

"I'm sure that would have been a relief to your parents if they were told you went insane trying to help my godfather, who he could have just gone up and released," Harry said derisively. "But no, Merlin forbid that he get his hands dirty."

"I did it to help you, to help Sirius, you were my best friend," Hermione said softly, a pained look on her face.

Harry smiled half-heartedly, "Yeah, without a doubt, but let me ask you this…if Dumbledore hadn't asked it of you…and I did…would you still have done it? Broken the school rules? Broken the Ministry's rules to help?"

"Yes," Hermione insisted adamantly, "I would have done anything for you," not doubting it for a second.

"So why did you leave me alone to deal with Voldemort's rebirth and Cedric's death?" Harry asked simply, and that was what it all came down to. "It's rhetorical, we already know why you did,"

"But Harry…it was dangerous, if he found out where you lived…he could have hurt you." Hermione pointed out with a pleading expression for him to believe her.

"You know about the blood wards right?" Harry suddenly went in a different direction.

"Well, yes, you told me," Hermione nodded, explained why he had to go back to the Muggles every summer.

"You know Voldemort has spies everywhere and my address is probably in both the Ministry and Hogwarts?" Harry continued on relentlessly.

Hermione's heart sank as she realized the truth of it, "Yes…"

"You still think he didn't know where I lived by that point? Even if he had…the blood wards were supposed to keep him out." Harry stated, "He couldn't have followed your letters even if he wanted to. But Hermione…you did know where I lived, you could have sent it through Muggle post. One letter…one little bit of defiance would have been all it took."

"You honestly think we weren't watched closely while we were in that place?" Hermione hissed out like a feral cat. "They were having meetings all the time! We were mostly confined to our bedrooms when we weren't trying to clean the cesspit with Molly Weasley overseeing our every move!"

Harry blinked at her words and the way she was talking.

Barty shifted uncomfortably, but damn, she was a little hellcat after all, and he rather liked that look on her. Knowing she had Malfoy blood running through her veins was tripping him up. It had to be, otherwise he definitely wouldn't be thinking of her the way he was. Yet he knew from the books and digging he'd been reading that any child he had with someone like Hermione would be powerful, smart and that was something deeply desired and ingrained in all Pure-blooded children. Someone like Hermione, a Muggle-born, a half-blood, it was just a proven fact as much as if still baffled him to the core. The ingrained feeling that 'pure-blood's were better' and had to stick together was just fucking with him too.

"And if you had been near that place you'd know there isn't a single shop within walking distance!" she continued to hiss, "AND TO ROUND THIS SHIT OFF I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET PAST WALBURGA BLACK THE BLOODY EVIL LOATHSOME WOMAN!" hands were balled into fists, face red, panting heavily as she finally, finally blessedly let off the steam she'd kept so tightly wrapped within herself. Even she was shocked by her own words and the fact she'd gotten angry like that.

"Bloody hell," Harry said, eyeing her speculatively, "Last time she was this mad, she punched Draco Malfoy in the face." He added to Barty.

Barty's eyes widened, "She. Punched. Him?" that was so barbaric but so bloody brilliant, Draco wouldn't know how to defend himself from a Muggle beatdown. He knew he wouldn't be able to either.

Calmly as though she hadn't just completely lost it, she added, "She would shriek down the rafters if anyone so much as moved,"

Harry felt a little bit guilty now that he had seen everything from her point of view. "Hermione…alright, maybe I was too hard on you and expected more than you were capable of…but our friendship wasn't going to stand the test of time." He added softly, as if not to hurt her further than she was already hurting.

"Why not?" Hermione asked, hurt plain as day written across her face.

"Dumbledore," Harry said simply, and it was truly that simple. "Tell me in all honesty, did you even try to write to me?"

Hermione closed her eyes in defeat, unable to even conceive lying to Harry. "No," she confessed, "I thought about it, you must have been so alone…I was so worried but no, Harry, I didn't plan on writing to you."

Harry gave her a small smile and nod, green eyes resigned.

"But I was angry when I was suddenly told to write to you after you left your relatives place," Hermione explained, knowing better to call that place Harry's home. "Especially when I learned that no harm would have come to you anyway. First time I've regretted not getting an owl." But she couldn't outright say she regretted getting her Crookshanks, he had become her only companion during her long summers. With her parents working Monday through Friday she hardly saw them except when they went on holidays. Which was why the holidays meant so much to her.

She had Professor Snape to thank for that one.

"What was it that you had to do that you didn't join your parents?" Barty asked, joining the conversation for the first time.

"Just trying to find answers," Hermione told him, shaking her head, making it clear she wasn't going to elaborate on that.

Harry leaned over and whispered into Barty's ear, "She will have the information stored somewhere, probably wedged in her books, she never gets rid of anything and writes everything down if you're curious."

"Would you introduce me to your friend?" Hermione asked hopeful, she was hoping to build bridges, to gain some sense of familiar ground with Harry again…even if they were never best of friends. They should have discussed more, she should have pushed to begin with…neither had backed down and it had caused this situation to strew until it exploded.

"Bartholomew Crouch," Harry told her, her wide shocked eyes met Harry's, "He goes by Bart or Barty, and before you ask, he's a distant cousin,"

Barty had frozen in shock at Harry's words, before forcing himself to relax, he couldn't give himself away.

"It's nice to meet you," Hermione said, meaning it sincerely, there was no mistrust.

"You as well," Barty replied, still reeling over what Harry had said and more so that the girl wasn't judging him due to his own reputation…then again his fathers was probably more familiar to her given all that Harry had said about her in passing, which wasn't much.

An alarm on Harry's watch sounded startling them all.

"I have to go, I've got potions brewing, it was good to see you, Hermione, take care of yourself," Harry said, already standing putting the money down for the food they'd just eaten. Not even listening to any protests about them paying their share.

"Can I see you again?" Hermione asked, as she quickly stepped up beside Harry again. "Or write?"

"I don't know, Hermione…I really don't know," Harry sighed, looking conflicted, she'd probably need him in the coming weeks as the newspapers reports continue. Surprisingly Sirius hadn't found any sign of tampering done by Dumbledore…and had admitted defeat yesterday and elected to see about buying a professional's time to get it done. He wanted answers enough to risk it getting back to Dumbledore. So Harry made him promise to get an Unbreakable Vow from whoever comes before revealing anything. That it was what people did when conducting business, so to take advantage of it. Could he get Hermione on his side? Did he want her there? Was it worth the risk when the news got out that he was on Voldemort's side?

Would a conversation with Neville convince Hermione like it had Hannah and her parents? Who were staying at Longbottom manor, where Neville's Gran had still not woken up as of yet. Neville continued to plead with him to bring Luna there, despite the fact Hannah would definitely not like that at all.

He'd wait until she asked him, only then would she truly be ready for the truth. The truth about Dumbledore that was…not about him.

"Alright," Harry sighed in defeat, as if it was weighing heavily upon him. As always he didn't feel too guilty about it.

"Thank you! Thank you!" Hermione said her relief apparent.

"I do have to go," Harry explained, shrugging his shoulders, grabbing a hold of Barty both of them apparated away, appearing on a field, where they were both promptly checked to ensure they weren't tracked or holding anything that was…they weren't.

"Let me guess…you want me to watch her?" Barty asked resignedly, or trying to feel that way, honestly he just wanted to go rummage around her room to find out what she was looking for. To find out if she was a danger to Harry, and ultimately to his lord. Fighting his attraction to the feisty yet lonely girl he had been overseeing now for weeks.

"It will only be an hour before your watch takes over," Harry pointed out, shaking his head, "Just leave it, I doubt she will be attacked on the way home," he wanted to add that Dumbledore wasn't stupid, but honestly…he was coming unhinged. He'd found the 'safe houses' they'd put up as the reporters homes in order to draw Dumbledore to them, keep him busy and it was working like a charm.

Speaking of home, both of them apparated back to the manor. A place they most definitely considered home, but one thought of Voldemort as a father…the other…well if his dreams were anything to go on…he most definitely didn't.

Next chapter will be both Neville and Harry's birthdays I think :) sorry about the long wait! Next chapter I think I'll post will be The Walking Dead Wizard tomorrow :D and I know you're all impatient for the Voldemort/Harry but we all knew this was going to be a long one you'll have to have patience with me on that front! I suppose I could show perhaps a bit with Voldemort's POV where we see some budding attraction? Would you like that at least? and I also know you want to see the bit about Draco finding out...believe me I so badly want to write it too but I'm just not sure whether to have it happening on Harry's 16th birthday or 17th...its something I'm conflicted on...what do you think honestly? Read and Review please!