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"Damn it," Ridge muttered as he sucked on his thumb.

"Why didn't you just pay the toy store to put the doll house and the bike together?" Brooke asked, looking up from the gift she was wrapping.

"So they would think I was some girly man who couldn't put his own daughter's toys together? No way," he stated emphatically.

"Male pride, the down fall of common sense," she whispered.

"What did you say?"

"That you've been at this for over two hours and neither bike nor house is finished."

"I'm almost finished with the bike, then I'll come back to the house."

"Yeah, but will it be safe to ride?"

"Okay, your negative comments and energy aren't helping so keep your snide remarks to yourself."

"Yes, sir," she giggled.

"Not all of us start shopping for Christmas presents at the day after Christmas sales."

"Hey, don't hate me because I'm not a procrastinator."

"I'm not a procrastinator. I happen to enjoy shopping for presents with Christmas music playing, decorations up, and Santa in the middle of the mall taking pictures with the kids."

"I'm sure you enjoy being out with the masses, fighting over parking spots and gifts," she laughed. This felt like old times. The kids in bed and she and Ridge up late like millions of other parents across the country preparing for the big day. But tomorrow morning it would be her, Hope, and Ricky. And hopefully the downpour in San Diego would let up and the rest of her family could get up here. But if not, she and the kids would open gifts and enjoy

Christmas as she tried hard not to let the memories of past Christmases haunt her. She was working hard for that not to happen. She didn't want to ruin their first Christmas as a family. Feeling her maudlin thoughts overtaking her, she redirected her thoughts to the gifts she bought.

She hoped Thomas, Phoebe, and Stephanie liked the gifts she bought them. She hadn't bought them anything extravagant or too personal. She purchased a sketchpad for Phoebe for all of her artwork and designs. She bought a sweater she'd seen Stephie admire in a magazine. And a chemistry set, similar to the one her parents bought for her years ago, for Thomas. After touring the labs at Forrester, he had shown an interest in chemistry. She'd also bought them some knick knacks for their stockings. She was pretty sure they would like their gifts, but ever since she found out that Thomas was aware of the dislike Stephanie had for her, she worried; that he and the girls would turn on her based on what they overheard. But so far that wasn't the case.

They were great kids. Phoebe was the quiet one, the deep thinker. She reminded Brooke more of Eric and Kristen. Thomas was very laid back; he didn't let anything faze him. He reminded Brooke of Thorne. And Stephanie was a lot like her namesake. She was stubborn, pig-headed and would fight for what she believes in and for people and things she felt were being wronged or mistreated. Ric and Bridget would have enjoyed watching them grow up, becoming teenagers. After all these years to finally have cousins they could interact with- - A buzzing tone interrupted her train of thought.

Ridge grabbed his cell phone and read his text message. "Taylor is out of church with the kids. I told her I'd meet her at the house."

Brooke nodded.

"I'll get Storm or Dad to finish- -"

"Don't insult me. This bike and house will not defeat me, Ridge Forrester, designer extraordinaire. Help me load them into the Range and I'll finish them at my place."

"Okay, designer extraordinaire, but you know it's not a crime to admit you need help."

Ridge laughed mockingly. "Real men don't need help."

"Well then please by all means stay up the rest of the night, putting these together." She picked up the wheels and body of the bike and walked out of the house.

Ridge followed with the dollhouse.

After waving Ridge off, Brooke ran upstairs to check on her sleeping angels. She walked into her room guided by the Christmas lights and watched them sleep peacefully in their Santa Claus printed pajamas. She adjusted the star on top of the three-foot-tall tree Ricky and Hope insisted on getting. They told her they wanted to wake up and go to sleep with Christmas lights on a tree. So she caved and bought a small one, decorated only with homemade ornaments she, Ric, Bridget, Ricky, and Hope made at school and daycare. Though she cheated a little and bought two Lenox first Christmas ornaments with the years her other two children would have celebrated Christmas for the first time. The tree symbolized her families past, present, and future. And, for once, all of her children were together, even if was through decorations on a tree.

Grabbing a spare blanket from the chest at the foot of her bed, she sat on the padded bench underneath her bay window. She opened the window slightly, hoping to catch a whiff of the Pacific. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She wasn't tired or sleepy in the least, although she'd been up and running around all day, running the kids ragged so they would fall into bed at bedtime. But with no naps and constant playing, an early dinner and bath, the kids were dead to the world an hour before their bedtimes, and she hadn't heard from them once since they went down. Though they had remembered to leave cookies and milk out for Santa.

She should be dreaming of dancing sugarplums, like them, but no such luck. Maybe this was her body's way of saving her from remembering, reliving past Christmases, as if she couldn't do that with her eyes open. Remembering Christmas past with Ridge, Eric, Thorne, Connor, but mostly Christmas with Ric and Bridget. The hardest memories. Last Christmas had been a disaster. Bridget knew about Hope and did her best to avoid talking or looking at Hope or Brooke at all costs. Ric spent the day trying to figure out what the problem was with Amber's whining in his ear. What a horrible last Christmas for them to share.

What would she have done differently if she had known? She could only imagine. Maybe she would have stayed in Bridget's face and demanded that she be angry but not talking to her was unacceptable. Life was too short for that. She would have gotten Amber out of Ric's and Ricky's life sooner so they could have been burden free. Maybe she would have held them, kissed them, and told them repeatedly that she loved them and explained that they were her whole life and her whole world.

Banging her head against the wall, she cried a gut-wrenching cry. If she had only known- - Suddenly she heard a noise coming from downstairs. She ran to her closet, entered the code to open her hidden safe, took out her gun and grabbed Ric's old baseball bat. Cautiously, she raced downstairs and headed towards the dining room where the noise was coming from. Brooke readied herself for whatever was to come. She rounded the corner and screamed when she saw Ridge walking in with the finished dollhouse in his arms.

"What the hell!" they demanded simultaneously.

Gently setting the house on the table, Ridge took the gun from Brooke and quickly unloaded the bullets. "Logan, you could kill someone with this."

"That's the whole point to stop someone from hurting me and the kids."

Shoving the gun in his pants and the bullets inside the flowerpot on the table, Ridge asked, "Where did you get this?"

"I bought it after you left. This is a big house for a woman to be alone in with two young kids."

Ridge stared at her for a moment, speechless. "This isn't safe."

"It makes me feel safer than any alarm."

"Brooke- -"

"I took lessons and a safety class before I bought the gun."

"I still don't- - we'll shelve this discussion until after the holidays."

With a defiant look in her eye, she nodded her consent. "What are you doing here?"

"Help me bring the kids in first."

They went to the SUV. Ridge handed Stephie to Brooke. He picked up Phoebe and gently ushered a barely awake Thomas inside and upstairs. They laid the twins down in Bridget's room and Thomas in Ric's room. After checking on Ricky and Hope, Ridge and Brooke made their way downstairs and Ridge put his gifts under the tree.

"I thought you and the kids were going to spend the evening with Taylor since you have them for the day."

"When they got back from church, they were wide awake and it was after midnight, so we opened gifts at the house with her. Then she decided to leave for Jack's house early. Surprise him. And the kids suggested we come over here. Thomas said he wanted to experience Christmas through the eyes of a child."

Brooke chuckled. "That was sweet of them."

"Plus, did you really think I would let you wake-up on our first Christmas without them without me being here?"

Brooke stared blankly at him. She still was unsure sometimes about what Ridge would do or say. After all the years of him letting her down and the disappointments, she was afraid to put 100 trust in Ridge, even though he had become her staunchest defender, supporter, partner in crime, and shoulder to cry on.

Seeing Ridge pat a space on the floor in front of the fire he was building, Brooke sat down. Once the fire was roaring nicely, Ridge sat beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"So you finally finished the dollhouse?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, who helped?"

"Stephie," he admitted bashfully.

Brooke nodded and tried to hide her grin.

"She only helped a little."

"Oh, I'm sure. A little guidance was all that was needed," she grinned.

"I bought that house for Bridget," he murmured.

Brooke was stunned. He had had the dollhouse that long.

"I was walking around the Village in New York, and I saw this beautiful Victorian dollhouse. I knew she would love it, so I went in and ordered one."

"What happened? Why didn't you give it to her?"

"It arrived a week after we got the DNA results back saying Dad was her father."

"Oh."

"And when it arrived- - when I saw it, I was too scared, too ashamed. How could I give this gift to a little girl when I was destroying her family? Was that her consolation prize? Sorry I'm not your daddy, but here's a dollhouse. But at the time, I told myself that since I was no longer her father, it wasn't an appropriate gift to get from your new brother. So it sat in my parents' attic until now." Tears fell down his face. "God, I miss them so much. I wish I could apologize. Say I was sorry for being such a piss poor father, for abandoning them- -"

With tears in her eyes, Brooke embraced her ex-husband as they cried together for the children they had lost.

The fire is burning
The room's all aglow
Outside the December wind blows
Away in the distance

The carolers sing in the snow
Everybody's laughing
The world is celebrating
And everyone's so happy
Except for me tonight

Because I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss you

most at Christmas time