Thanks for the responses. I'm glad you're enjoying this story as depressing as it can be. I enjoyed writing it.
"Why am I doing this again?" Brooke questioned as she reapplied her lipstick using the overhead mirror.
"Because you're my bestest friend in the whole world as Ricky would say."
"Oh yeah, I knew that would get me in trouble one day."
"Hey, it's not the principal's office," Ridge said, while driving.
"True, but it is the dreaded doctor's office."
Brooke hesitated, "I trust Ridge."
"You hesitated a moment before answering the questions. Why is that?" Dr. Marlena Evans probed.
"I- - I think Ridge's change still surprises me at times."
"Even though he's been seeing me over a year-and-a-half?"
"Yes, after- -"
"Please Brooke, don't censor yourself," Ridge assured her. "I can take whatever you're going to say."
"After over twenty years of being second place in Ridge's life and rarely having him stand up for me, I'm still at times, mistrustful."
Hearing that tore at Ridge's heart, but he bit his tongue. He brought her here so he could hear what she thought. He wanted her, no, needed her honest opinion and he wanted her to give it in a safe, non-threatening environment.
"Yet you still adopted children with him?"
"I know that Ridge would do anything to protect our children since he's been coming to see you."
"Do you think he would protect you?"
Brooke said nothing.
"Brooke- -"
"Ridge," Dr. Evans warned.
Suddenly the door opened and Dr. Evans' receptionist popped her head in. "Excuse me, Dr. Evans, there is a situation that needs your immediate attention.
"Please excuse me," Marlena said, quickly making her way out of the office closing the door behind her.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, but Ridge couldn't take it any longer.
"You have never been second place in my life," Ridge explained.
Brooke turned to look at him. "Throughout our entire relationship I've been second- - third place in your life. Stephanie forever controls position number one."
"Logan, how can you say that? You are the one I compared everyone else to. After I met you, I started looking at Caroline differently. Taylor was compared to you. Both of them are- -were great women, but they weren't you."
"But somehow you were able to stay married to them. I was always the second choice. Oh, you're pregnant, Brooke. Well I guess I'll do the right thing and stand by your side. Aw, Brooke's baby is dead, now I can go back to Caroline. Oh, Caroline's dead, I guess Brooke is free, let me go back to her until something better comes along. And along comes Taylor and you're gone again but, of course, you came running back when you thought Taylor was dead," Brooke vented, unleashing years of repressed feelings.
Ridge was astounded. He had no idea she felt this way. She thought she was second place.
"Why was I so unlovable, so unattractive that these other women were better than me? Why were they marriage material and I was the piece of meat on the side- -"
"You were never a piece on the side," he shouted. Reaching
over, he touched her cheek and wiped the tears. "You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me- -"
"But not enough for you to stay with me, fight for me. Hell, I'm not even that upset that I didn't measure up to your standards- -"
"Brooke- -"
"Let me finish. But I hate myself for allowing you to put my children second place in your life, that part of Ric and Bridget thought that dads always put their kids behind other things, but usually it was behind their more important children. And even I was guilty of putting them behind in my chase for you, if you want to be completely truthful. In my quest to make me and the kids number one in your life, I put those same kids second. My children are dead because of me," she cried.
Ridge flew out of his seat and kneeled before her. "It was a terrible accident that caused Ric's and Budge's deaths, nothing else."
Brooke shook her head. "They would have been with me, if I hadn't slept with Deacon. If Bridget wasn't so disgusted with me."
"Logan, you can't believe any of this. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. Please don't believe this," he begged, crying. "They wouldn't want you to carry this guilt. You didn't fail them. Yes, you made some mistakes, but you were the only person in their lives who they could count on- -"
"Bridget didn't- -"
"If Bridget would have had any sort of serious problems even with her problems with you, she would have come to you. Who else could she have gone to? Who else did she trust? Not Dad, not me. We both failed her on a regular and continuous basis. Both she and Ric knew that no one on this earth loved them more than you." Ridge paused and took a breath. "Logan, all my life I can remember my mother having this extra twinkle in her eye, a way she would caress me when I did something that made her happy.
And unknowingly, my whole life, I wanted to keep that look in her eye. I didn't want her to look at me the way she, God forgive me for saying this, the way she looked at Thorne, Kristen, and Felicia. And it became extra, extra important to me after Angela died. I wanted to be the one to keep her happy, make her happy. And I thought I was doing that until you came along. And all of a sudden she didn't look at me the same way. She had this look of disappointment, and it hurt me. I wanted the two women I loved most to love each other. And I'm so sorry, so incredibly sorry, but when push came to shove to have my mother think highly of me, to have her give me my special look and touch, to be in her good graces became more important to me than the greatest love of my life, even more important than my children. And eternally I regret that. Each time we were together, it was the happiest time of my life, but I wanted the perfect, dream family. One where my mother treated you like she treated Caroline and Taylor. And each time she didn't, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't imagine a world where my mother wasn't a part of my life. I arrogantly presumed that you would stay a part of my life even if we weren't together. Then the world fell from beneath me when you told me Ric and Budge were dead. I had sacrificed my relationship with them in order to stay on my mother's good side. All those years wasted. I spend nights crying, begging God to tell Ric and Budge that I'm sorry and that I love them. My mother was wrong to favor me over Thorne, Kristen and Felicia, yet I did it to my kids. She was wrong to make me chose between the love of my life, the woman who forever stands by my side in good times and bad, yet she did and I let her." With tears streaming down his face, he kissed Brooke's hand. "I can't change the past, I can't make up for all the suffering you did at my hands, that the kids did, but I vow to you today that I will spend the rest of my life being the best man I can be." He laid his head in her lap and sobbed.
Running her fingers through his hair, Brooke contemplated everything they had said to each other. He compared his other women to her. It was sick, but a part of her was delighted and thrilled at hearing that. That confession did help ease some of the pain she'd suffered over the years. But his weakness- - The power one person could have over another one frightened her. What was that saying,
'The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.' And in Ridge's case, it was perfectly apt. Stephanie ruled his life with an iron fist. Maybe that's why she had gone out of her way to make sure Ric and Bridget knew she loved them and only wanted the best for them, but worked hard on not being controlling or demanding about things as they neared adulthood. Maybe though, in Ric's case, she should have been harder on him to save him from Amber and maybe Bridget's too, if she were completely honest with herself.
While she wanted to lay all the blame at Stephanie's feet, she could understand somewhat how Stephanie and Ridge's relationship got so out of control. She could vividly remember when Ric was placed in her arms; the love she felt threatened to overwhelm her. He so easily could have become the sole focus of her universe. The power she felt when this helpless, beautiful creature looked to her for everything, the power could be intoxicating. Stephanie wouldn't be the first woman to let the love and adoration of her firstborn go to her head. With no one to snap her out of it, the love and connection just took on a life of its own and led to today where a man in his 40s was tragically dealing with the repercussions of her decision.