Embracing His True Self

Chapter 58

"She'll wreak havoc if she's allowed that potion," Harry said in dire warning, his full attention not on the conversation, instead he was half watching Luna and Rodolphus. Only he and Rabastan were probably close enough to hear what Rodolphus had just said to Luna. He'd gotten way too defensive and spoke harshly, that indicated it wasn't a time in his life he liked thinking or talking about. Whether it was because of his actions or if it was because he'd ended up in Azkaban he wasn't sure. It didn't matter either way, Luna knew what the brothers had done and she'd still come to care for them, let them into her life.

"I know," Severus stated grimly, something he'd need to talk to the Dark Lord about, he was the only one who would be able to prevent her from taking it. Although if she was desperate enough, not even the Dark Lord would stop her, at least he didn't think so. It wouldn't be the first time she'd disregarded orders and went out on her own. He wasn't even thinking of the Longbottom incident either.

Luna remained silent after that proclamation, her face devoid of any emotion as she stared at Rodolphus. Only after a few moments did she nod her head slowly, to indicate she'd head and understood what he said. Then without a backward glance, she went back to the handwritten book in front of her. Luna didn't know how to feel about his words, this was Neville's parents they were talking about here. She didn't know them but Neville had grown up without them because of it. She couldn't imagine growing up without parents, she loved her own so much. Was she having second thoughts? No, Neville's parents wasn't what was really bothering her. She'd accepted all of Rodolphus' faults, good and bad, he was never going to be a law abiding citizen after all. The visions she'd seen flashed through her minds eye, all the horrific things that the future would bring to bear.

Rabastan seemed to be the only one to pick up on what happened, or so it looked, he clenched his hands into fists as he stared at the back of Luna's head. Desiring nothing more than to lay into her for hurting her brother. She'd known what the hell she was getting into, how dare she pretend to be interested only to fail at the first hurdle? Holding someone's past against them was so utterly pathetic, Rodolphus deserved someone better. Someone who could see all Rab had to offer and not just his misdeeds.

"Try it," Harry whispered in a deadly warning as he passed Rabastan, warning him to stay the hell out of Luna and Rodolphus' domestic dispute. "If you ever touch her, I will make sure you die in excruciating agony," he promised, and he would keep it. Luna had given up her friends, her comforts to be here for him, he'd do anything in turn to protect her, even if it was from a protective brother.

Rabastan inhaled sharply, narrowing his eyes at Harry in seething irritation at his interference. His brother look fucking gutted and he was being threatened? It wasn't like he'd planned on touching the girl, just giving her a few home truths. It was the least she deserved for hurting his brother at the end of the day surely. What would Harry know about brothers anyway? He didn't have one, and never would. He knew it was unfair really, to think as such, but in heart of hearts, he knew Harry considered Luna his sister. They were both going through the same thing, wanting the best for their own 'sibling' and being protective of them. This acknowledgement made him deflate a little.

Harry seeing as he'd gotten his point across moved towards Rodolphus, "Giving in at the first sign of trouble?" Harry whispered sardonically, "If that's the case you don't deserve her."

"She's too good for me, too good for us," for this side went unsaid, she was good and pure, and probably what drew him to her. She shone like a beacon and he wanted her badly but he also found he cared enough to let her go. She'd seen the darkest nature of him and turned her back on him. "It's for the best," he tried to convince himself. Better he realize they don't have a future now than somewhere down the line before he got himself even more deluded of an actual life with her.

"You're completely clueless aren't you?" Harry said wryly, eyes boring into Rodolphus' dark shadowed eyes.

Rodolphus wanted to snort at the hypocrisy of that statement, between his Lord and Harry they had enough sexual tension to fill Gringotts. He didn't know about his Lord but Harry was completely oblivious to it all. Bellatrix had some competition, but was it competition when the Dark Lord didn't care for Bellatrix the way she wished? If he'd loved Bellatrix he would have been jealous of it, if anything he'd welcomed her constant distractions. It meant less watching over her, less having to deal with her and less tantrums. He hadn't experienced jealous until an hour ago, and its effect left him reeling. He'd never been jealous before, he grew up with everything he ever wanted. Except the love of a good woman, but he'd been alright with that…hadn't realized what he was missing until now.

"Go talk to her, you'll be surprised by what's really bothering her," Harry said softly, he could see how devasted the wizard was. How desolate he'd grown when Luna had turned her back to him. "Use my room," with Bellatrix around, they needed guaranteed privacy, and the only people who could get into his room was Luna and Rodolphus, which given the wizards look the day he got in, spoke of how un-lightly he took the admittance. Understanding he was gaining something that most others did not, and of course there was Voldemort, who could get in anyway, they were his wards first and foremost. "Go," he added, nudging Rodolphus nearer Luna, there was little doubt in Harry's mind that Rodolphus was thinking all the wrong things.

'Go talk to her, you'll be surprised by what's really bothering her' echoed in Rodolphus' mind, giving him the courage he needed to see this through. If there was even the slimmest chance that he had a chance with Luna, he had to take it. "We have to talk," his tone now soft, none of his previous coldness to be had. Wrapping his hand around her upper arm, gently guiding her towards the door, he didn't even bother to glance back at the others. Luna was his priority at the moment all else could wait, including learning how to change his features. Judging how fast Barty had gotten the hang of it, he suspected it wouldn't be too difficult. If he had been a good man he would have walked away, but he wasn't. He wanted Luna, even if it drew her further and further into his depraved life.

They both remained silent as Rodolphus led her towards Harry's room, it was rather improper – he had grown up to respect the rules of a betrothal after all – but technically this wasn't a betrothal – yet – not until a contract was signed between both parties, the Lestrange and Lovegood's. He wasn't sure how that would go, Luna seemed amendable to the idea…but the father? After their reputation? Well, he wouldn't be surprised if he vehemently denied their desire to be married to one another. Which would mean – if she still wanted to be with him – that they would need to wait until she was seventeen to elope. Considering it was her father, Luna might decide it isn't worth the risk of losing her father, she'd already lost her mother. That loss still cut deeply, he knew from the talks they'd had.

Rodolphus waited patiently for Luna to open the door, while he was allowed entrance, he couldn't open the doors. It was quite an ingenious piece of magic if he didn't say so himself. Not that he was going to admit that to Harry Potter of all people, the last thing he needed was a bigger head. Even after only a few days of constantly taking those potions he was feeling better in and on himself. His emotions had settled down, it was…shocking really, how much easier it was to keep a grip on his emotions. Sliding into the room behind her, not giving her a chance to slam the door in his face – if she would do such a thing – but it wouldn't be the first time Bellatrix had done it. He didn't like to compare the both of them, but he did, constantly, Bellatrix was the only female he'd been around constantly. The two were as opposite as night and day, and not just because Luna was a blonde and Bellatrix had the customary Black hair. No, it was breath-taking not having to calm a woman down out of their rages and angers. They actually spoke to each other, he and Luna, about everything and anything. Bellatrix only ever spoke about missions and the Dark Lord.

"Dobby?" Luna called, as she sat on the couch, the fire was blazing keeping the room toasty warm. After being in the duelling room and the potions lab, she was grateful for the heat.

"What can Dobby do for Master Harry's Luna?" Dobby asked, he used to call her Loony but one look from Rodolphus had put a very quick stop to that.

"Bring us up a platter of foods and something warm to drink, please," Luna said, smiling at the creature who promptly disappeared to do her bidding.

Rodolphus grimaced at the sight, having never seen such a thing before in his life. Smiling at House-elves, it just wasn't done. There was no denying that Luna loved her creatures though, her eyes lit up when she spoke about them. Rodolphus wouldn't be surprised if Luna went into a career that dealt with animals on a daily basis. They weren't as bad as the Malfoy's when it came to House-elves though, he'd heard rumours and stories about how Lucius treated Dobby. In fact, Harry went out of his way to constantly try and get a rise out of Lucius by mentioning it often. They weren't kind to House-elves nor did they smile at them, but they weren't constant ordered to mutilate themselves.

It didn't take long for Dobby to pop back in with a huge platter of food and a click of his fingers brought the hot beverages.

"Thank you, Dobby," Luna called out just before the little thing disappeared.

Rodolphus bit his tongue as he busily begun filling their cups, knowing by now how Luna liked to drink her beverages. Like her it was an eclectic lot, teas, coffee's and hot chocolates with odd things in them. He decided on one of the hot chocolates – that had been brought in a mug – enjoying the taste it's the first thing he'd had after his release from Azkaban. It had been ambrosia after over a decade of slop they fed everyone on the island. It tasted like freedom to him even now, and he'd always have a fondness for it.

"You wanted to talk?" Luna prompted, curling up on the sofa, cup between her hands, warming her as she took little sips.

"You knew what I had done, it was no secret, hell, everyone knows what we did," Rodolphus stated, still quite frankly confused by her sudden turn around. "If you did not want to hear the answer to that question, why ask it?" now demanding answers getting very quickly frustrated.

Luna's face contorted in surprise, "Oh," she whispered, a thoughtful look on her face, "No, it was nothing to do with your confession, Rodolphus," although if she was honest with herself, she didn't like the thought that Rodolphus might do it again. To leave someone a drooling catatonic mess was…worse than killing them.

Rodolphus blinked, perhaps Harry was right after all, "Then what was it?" finding himself baffled now.

"The fact that I don't care, the reason I don't care," Luna confessed, her blue eyes filled with sadness. She felt trapped between a rock and a hard place having to deal with all these visions. Which were becoming increasingly more violent each night, even Harry didn't know what her visions entailed only that she wasn't getting much sleep because of them.

Rodolphus arched an eyebrow in surprise, well, that was unexpected. She was young, she was just growing into her own, the thought of death, killing and fighting probably scared her in the sense of her morals. Which had been up until lately been on an entirely different level. She'd been on the light side, that was what was troubling her. She was having to accept being here she'd be seeing death happen, knowing it was being done by people she loved. At least until they won the war, and things would settle down, they had no interest in killing children or people who didn't want a part in the war. They were only interested in wiping out their opposition. The Order mainly. The corrupt Ministry workers and Aurors who were fighting them.

"Luna…why don't you care?" Rodolphus asked quietly, a frown marring his features, he had a feeling this went deeper than this. "What have you seen?" he'd never discussed her abilities, not wishing for her to think he was using her on orders by the Dark Lord or just because of her abilities full stop. While it was intriguing, it wasn't why he liked her, he'd been drawn to her well before he found out about her seer abilities.

Luna sighed and closed her eyes, she found it odd to hear people asking that. Especially after going her entire life keeping it a closely guarded secret. Her father and mother had made sure she understood it was to be kept secret, and her father had enforced that after her mother died every single day. Even more so after rumours of Voldemort being alive had begun to surface. It hadn't been a true concern, due to the fact her visions weren't anything to boast about. She didn't see much of anything to be worthy of kidnapping in her books. Until things had begun to take shape.

"Luna?" Rodolphus questioned cautiously when she didn't reply. The Dark Lord had made it clear that nobody outside of the group was to ever catch wind of it. So, Barty, Harry, the Dark Lord, and his brother and father were the only ones who knew besides himself. It wasn't something that was ever shared anyway, seers were considered sacred, but to keep them safe, it had to remain a close guarded secret. Hell, if it got out the light side would kidnap her in order to get the upper hand. It wouldn't be the first time rumours of Dumbledore using divination to win the war, between prophets and seers. Whether there was anything to these rumours he still had no solid proof.

"You realize what it entails?" Luna asked, being a seer is seen as something amazing, awe inspiring and desirable. "Being a seer?"

"Why don't you tell me?" Rodolphus, did Harry already know all this? Was this why he had said what he did? No matter, he was just glad that his actions over a decade ago weren't going to destroy his chances with her. Anything else he could live with. She obviously wanted someone to talk to and he was very happy that it was him she was confiding in. It boded well for their future if Luna felt she could trust him didn't it? He had no idea what witches looked for in a husband, except money and looks both of which he had, although he had aged prematurely in Azkaban, it wasn't quite so bad these days since he was healthy.

"It's not so bad when you're young," Luna said, setting the cup aside and standing up making her way to the window, staring out at the lush perfectly kept grounds of Slytherin manor. "You don't see much, what you do see is bits and pieces, I lost faith in my abilities when I didn't see what happened to my mum. Losing faith didn't stop the visions of course, but they were just as puzzling as before."

Rodolphus stood up and made his way over to her, wrapping his arms around her, comforting her, mostly being selfish because he'd wanted to do it for ages now. "You shouldn't blame yourself," he replied, "It's life, and its downright hard and cruel at times." Merlin, she felt better in his arms than he'd imagined so often.

"Do you know why I chose to save Harry?" Luna questioned pensively.

"Because he's your friend?" Rodolphus was thrown by the question.

"Of course, but there are deeper reasons, that day I saw things while I was awake, which has never happened. I saw the future so clearly, felt as though I was actually there and not just seeing it. It's as if my abilities were warning me, if that can actually happen. Up until that day the visions I were seeing were peaceful really, I saw my own future, which was…beautiful." Her family, children and Rodolphus was part of that. "I knew if he took that potion…everything would change."

"And they've stopped?" Rodolphus questioned, stiffening as his mind reeled. What did that mean? Why would her visions of her future change? Tightening his hold on her. Was he part of her future? Had she seen them together? Was that why she'd been quite content to get to know him without reservation? It would be perfectly natural for anyone to have reservations. Especially when it came to him…and worse who he was still attached to, even if he was divorced. Bellatrix would constantly be a looming shadow over his life, and he was worried about how that might affect Luna.

"The warning visions are still there, just different, its almost like what I did that day doesn't have any affects," Luna sighed, rubbing her eyes as she leaned more fully back against Rodolphus. "Except from saving Harry, which I don't regret…I just don't understand what it's trying to warn me off, I can't see the full picture." Exasperation clear in her tone.

"Maybe you're looking at it too closely," Rodolphus said thoughtfully, almost distractedly as he inhaled Luna's scent, from where he perched his head on her shoulder. "Or taking too much pressure onto yourself. Why not let the Dark Lord see them? He's one of the smartest wizards in the magical world, if anyone could figure it out it would be him."

"Him and Harry," Luna replied, a small smile twitching at her lips.

Rodolphus chuckled darkly, seeing that smile, "I'm assuming we're…I'm going to be serving two Lord's soon? Hmm," not that it was a surprise really, he'd been expecting it for a while.

"Oh, yes," Luna answered without pause, feeling rather smug. Arching her head up, to get a look at Rodolphus, the reminder that she didn't need to do this alone was all she'd needed. Ironically enough Harry had been saying the same thing, but it took Rodolphus' suggestion for her to truly realize that she didn't need to worry so much. Together they could do this, he was also quite correct, out of them all, Harry and Voldemort would be able to figure out the visions, she didn't know all the players like they did. "Thank you," she whispered softly, feeling very content at the moment.

Rodolphus kissed her on the forehead, not exactly where he wanted to kiss her but it would do for now. He was content just to have her actually in his arms for once. "How do you think your father would react if I asked for your hand in marriage? Would he sign a Betrothal contract between us?" expecting a straight up no, despite his hopes.

"He never had a Betrothal contract made up for me, he doesn't believe in them, they're very restricting after all." Luna replied, Rodolphus' arms around her made her feel invincible, protected and cherished. "He always wanted me to find love just like he did, he and my mum loved each other since they were children, and eloped when mum turned seventeen and was officially allowed to marry without parental approval." There had been two years age difference between them.

"That wasn't a yes," Rodolphus said dryly, nor was it a no really.

"You're previous Betrothal didn't last long and your marriage wasn't exactly…stable," Luna pointed out, "So why do you want to go through with another Betrothal? Why not just see where it goes and go from there?"

Rodolphus cocked his head to the side very briefly to acknowledge her point. It was true enough, his Betrothal to Bellatrix had been three short weeks before they married. Only a few meetings in which her father had accompanied her, he'd never been alone with her, but that was expected. Perhaps if he hadn't been in a Betrothal – or adhered to the strict practice – he would have realized there was something wrong. Would have asked his father to cancel the Betrothal, but he hadn't. He and Bellatrix did get on, for most part, when she wasn't having her fits, especially when planning out missions for their Lord. On that part they worked well together, but the rest of the time was maddening.

"Personally I wouldn't want a Betrothal getting in the way, we wouldn't even be able to stand like this…" Luna trailed off, "How about you?" a secretive grin splitting her face, already knowing the answer. Already able to feel the affect she was having on Rodolphus from where she was clutched tightly to the wizard.

"You're a little devil, are you sure you were meant for Ravenclaw?" Rodolphus grunted, not used to this gentle teasing, he liked it.

"Never considered anywhere else," Luna replied smugly, very proud of her placement, even if the bullies she'd endured had made her Hogwarts years rather…hard to bear. She could have gotten the better of them, of course, she knew a lot of magic, more advanced for her age, but she'd never stooped to their level. It got better when she became friends with Harry and Neville, mostly because of Harry. Everyone knew better than to mess anyone Harry was friends with. Mostly because of the rumours, of things he'd done to his aunt – like blowing her up for instance – everyone knew Harry's friends were off limits. Well, everyone except Draco and his cronies had gotten the message, those three didn't know when to stop, even now actually. Listening to Draco whining in front of Voldemort had been funny, in a horrified sort of way, she was surprised Voldemort hadn't cursed him. Draco's voice had grated on her nerves never mind what it must have done to Voldemort.

"Nor for me," Rodolphus agreed smugly, and it was true, it had shouted Slytherin mere forty-five seconds after it slid onto his head. Considering how long it took the hat to speak, if it didn't then he'd say fifteen seconds maybe twenty-five at a pinch. "So, shall we?" he wanted to help Luna, and if getting insight into her visions by Voldemort and Harry would help her somehow…then he'd do it.

Luna stared pensively out the window once more, she'd never shared her visions before, not even with her father. Sure, she'd described things but viewing entire memories in a pensive – and she had no doubt that's what he meant – hadn't been done. It felt wrong on every level to let go of those visions and place them in a pensive and she wasn't even acting it out yet. Was it her own senses warning her of something or was it a lifetime of it being drummed into her, not to reveal herself, her gift. "Okay," she said shoring herself, a problem shared is a problem halved. Considering there was more than one person, hopefully then these visions wouldn't weigh quite so heavily upon her. Just having Rodolphus to talk to eased her somewhat, she didn't think on them quite so much until she was on her own that's when they bothered her. Then of course, there was the damn visions at night. No, being a seer wasn't a bloody godsend, it was a constant nightmare.

"Then lets go," Rodolphus said after a few more minutes of just relishing in being close to her. She was right, perhaps it was best not to go down the Betrothal route, otherwise he'd be giving up this. He'd only just got a little piece of it, fuck if he was going to give it up. Not for a contract at any rate, no, but the fact she hadn't shot him down meant she did see a potential marriage with him. Had she seen a future with him? He thought, his mind trying to envision a potential future.

"He could be busy," Luna pointed out, he was trying to take over the magical world after all, no doubt that took up a lot of his time.

"He'll make an exception for us," Rodolphus insisted, he hoped that was true, the old Dark Lord wouldn't have borne it, but this one…this one had patience, something he wasn't used to. It was the Dark Lord who his father was more used to, one that had utter confidence in his moves. He preferred this one, if he was honest, he wasn't sure anyone had been cursed since his return, at least not the way he preferred that spell back in his day. He had no idea what his Lord had done to make himself better and changed his looks but he didn't care. They were winning and more importantly…he found himself with a woman he could evasion a future with. One that actually had a nurturing bone in her body, they hadn't spoke of kids yet, but he was rather hopeful. He wanted more than one, most pureblood's didn't have siblings growing up. He'd been one of the lucky few, and damn, he was going to make sure any kid of his had a sibling, had someone to play with growing up. He'd expected to have kids with Bellatrix, but that thought had diminished very quickly, she didn't want anything to do with him in any sexual capacity. Nor did she seem to want a child, not that Rodolphus would have trusted her with one. Hell, he wouldn't have trusted her with an owl or dog let alone a defenceless human being.

"Okay, just let me shower first," Luna said, still sticky from sweat that had long since dried in from her hours of duelling she'd just done. It wasn't magic making her sweat but trying to avoid Harry who was throwing spells left and right, and she was supposed to stop them hitting her. He never threw anything dangerous, just tickling jinxes and very minor spells that first years learn. In between teaching her actual spells, it kept things interesting for sure, and she had no idea how out of shape she really was until he'd given her that first training session. He'd make a good teacher that was for certain.

Rodolphus groaned when that implanted a thought in his mind he definitely didn't need when they were going to see the Dark Lord. Closing his eyes, wondering if Luna – the little minx – had done that on purpose to torment him. "I'll wait," already sitting himself – rather uncomfortably might he add – plucking the book he'd been reading from time to time when he was here.

Luna's tinkling laugh was all Rodolphus heard before the door closed, definitely did it on purpose. She might look like an angel but she was a bloody little devil in disguise.

Despite the book in his hands, he didn't manage to absorb even a word of it, too deep in thought about everything that had just happened. He'd thought for sure he had lost her given the way he spoke and what he'd said. He could have lied and said he had hardly anything to do with it, that it was all Bellatrix. Which in a way it was, but they had taken part, and were just as guilty, they also could have stopped Bellatrix, between the three of them anyway. It was however, Bellatrix's fault they were caught, and even worse that they were found 'guilty' she just couldn't keep her trap shut. She knew his history, and hadn't truly been worried until he'd uttered those words a mere half hour earlier. He would need to find a way to thank Harry, because he did not believe he would have approached Luna again.

Although, frankly, he believed Luna would have given him a few days to stew over the fact before stomping up to him and dealing with it herself. She was just that sort of girl, the kind he needed to keep him on the straight and narrow. By Merlin, he was so enamoured it was pathetic really, even to him. Yet he couldn't find it in himself to care one iota. His father didn't seem to mind, in fact he was extremely pleased, already talking about the next Lestrange heir being on the day, so happy that his immediate line might just not end after all.

His brother though was taking the piss, but he'd get his own back…one day.

He'd find his own Luna then he'd get him back.

Yep, pathetic, he thought sardonically, finally giving up his attempts to read and flung the book aside.

"Rod?" Luna's voice came through the closed door slightly muffled.

"Yes?" Rodolphus asked, his tone cautious, wondering what his little devil was up to now.

"Can you grab me something to wear?" Luna asked.

Rodolphus groaned, "Are you trying to kill me woman?" he grumbled as he stood, opening her trunk and grabbing a few of Luna's favourite things, he knew because she wore them more often than anything else. It was going to be a long, long few years he'd say that much. He absolutely refused to sleep with her until she was of age. Even then he knew how it looked, but luckily for most pureblood males, they were older than their partner. Just not usually quite so many years. He slid the door open just a tad, tempted to peek but refusing to do so, he kept his eyes closed and dropped the clothes and let the door close with a click once again privy to Luna's giggling.

She-devil he thought wryly, wandering over to the table and eating some of the food the House-elf had brought up. Anything to try and keep his mind preoccupied.

Ten minutes later, Luna appeared, "I'm ready," time to get this burden of her shoulders.

"You look lovely," Rodolphus told her, a soft look on his face.

Luna smiled sweetly at him, as they wandered over to the door, but the second it opened, Rodolphus' face became a blank mask. His fingers nonetheless brushed against Luna's and unable to help himself, he clutched her hand to his for a few moments while she closed the door. Only once they began moving down the corridor did Rodolphus let go, with Bellatrix around he couldn't take any chances.

Luna fortunately was used to this by now, even if Bellatrix wasn't around, she knew he would be like this outside of his close group. He was never going to be one for displaying his love to the world. He hadn't been raised that way, and saw it as a weakness of sorts, or rather letting everyone else see he had a weakness. Her parents had been different and it would take some getting used to, but as long as he cared about her…she didn't care about anyone else's perception of her life.

From around the corner, Bellatrix' eyes flashed malevolently as she watched them, fury etched on every line of her face. "You're going to regret this," she vowed angrily.

Yep! Getting close to the scene everyone's waiting for! Finally figured out how to get both of them together ;) and it only took fifty eight chapters! Although there might be one or two more before we see any actual 'action' this is going to be fun! So will Bellatrix be killed or not? I know some of you want her around! and frankly in this story...nothing is going to make her sane. So either ending up in the Muggle worlds insane asylum with her magic bound OR killed which would you prefer and ugh! Why did Luna have to be so young? Thankfully though the next 'year' in the story will fly by after Dumbledore's trial and Bellatrix is deal with! Time skips! I know I hate them too! :D Read and Review please!