Thank you to all my lovely reviewers. :)
Kasumi Yawa- Thank you! :) Yes, this is multi leveled frustration as you will see in this chapter, but still not as agonizing as Never Again IMO
Esmeralda- Lol. Yes she's in it for more than the sexi times :)
Enjoy and Review please. :)
"Talking"
Thoughts
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS OF HEY ARNOLD THEY BELONG TO CRAIG BARTLETT.
January
The next day Helga woke up way before Arnold. It was rare for sure, but the way she saw it she could always go to bed after he left for work. After their bumpy night before, the nights that always seem to blur together with the same conclusion— she felt the need to talk to him.
She turned as he lumbered in from their bedroom. He was still half dressed trying to fully wake up. She put her hands on his chest gently.
His bleary gaze drifted down to her.
Her brows tilted up, "We need to talk."
A sudden jolt of energy made his eyes widen. Stiffly he stayed in front of her. She motioned towards the island bar. Reluctantly his gaze left hers to settle on the breakfast she'd prepared for him.
Silently he stumbled towards the chair. He tucked himself onto the barstool like a child about to be scolded. She tilted a glass of coffee to her lips. He eyed the cup before him.
There was another few tense moments as he ate half bites and she drank quietly.
He finally blurted, "I'm sorry about last night!"
Startled she shook out of her stupor, "Me too."
"What?" he looked like a deer in the headlights.
"You've been struggling all this time and I've just been thinking of myself."
His eyes grew wider, Is this Helga? My Helga?!
She stared down at the counter, "I've been thinking. We can't keep going like this—"
"I can—"
She placed a finger to his lips, "Relax Arnoldo, I'm not drawing up paperwork. I want to help you."
Now he was even more confused. She wasn't mad at him for falling asleep for the 3,476th time that he'd fallen asleep during sex. She wasn't calling it quits. And somehow had hatched a plan to help him—
He clasped her fingers, "How are you gonna help me? I can't work less."
"No, but I realized that if I made you lunch that's one less thing. Plus I was doing some reading about caffeine—"
He almost hissed about her insinuation.
She frowned, "You practically live with coffee on your lips."
As almost to spite her, he took a big swig.
She chuckled lightly, "Look, you're exhausted most of the time. Will you at least try something different?"
She slid a paper across the counter to him. It looked like a proposal. He picked it up. The paper was formal and there was a banner at the top that said "Arnold's Save Energy Plan".
He covered his mouth and snorted laughter. His bright eyes edging over the paper to look at her. She folded her arms, blush evident as she wouldn't look at him.
He glanced over the paper. The attention to detail. Every thing had been considered. Alternatives written. Every thing to save him time or energy that maybe he hadn't considered. He was pretty scattered after all.
He set the paper down and walked around to her. Sweeping her into a tight bear hug before she could protest properly. He tilted her chin so she'd look at him.
"You're amazing. Do you know that?"
"Yeah well, I couldn't keep doing nothing."
"It's kinda creepy how much you know about my schedule—"
She punched his shoulder, "We're married, aren't we?"
He kissed her deeply at this. A long moment between them before he pulled back. A pang in his heart as he realized he needed to leave soon.
He said, "Thanks Helga. I'm sure this will help a lot. And I'm still sorry we haven't had time."
Her gaze seemed glossy, "It's okay. You know I love you. No matter what."
"No matter what." He brushed his forehead against hers.
Their day starting all over again.
February
It was creeping near midnight when Arnold pushed his way into the apartment. A wide yawn parted his lips. His lids drooping. He stumbled slightly into the long hallway.
A sudden warm body latched onto him. He tottered backwards barely able to hold his wife up as she littered his face with kisses.
"I thought you'd never come home!" Helga drew a hand through his thick locks.
His bleary gaze watched her, "I know we had plans, and I'm sorry. But I really don't have the energy."
A small frown formed on her lips as she stared at him. Her legs wrapped tightly against his waist and arms hugging his shoulders. But as she pressed closer, she noticed he had no reaction. Not even so much as a pulse from his manhood.
He clearly meant it.
Meekly he lowered her to the ground, "Sorry Helga. Rain check."
She folded her arms. Watching him slump to the kitchen as he dropped things off. He was almost to the bedroom when she caught up to him.
"Hey, its Valentine's day. We can't do nothing." Her gaze mischievous.
"It's midnight Helga." He whined, eyes clamped shut.
"Let me do all the work. I'll take care of you."
A sudden flare of heat rushed his body, It might be okay. I'll probably be able to stay awake...
She tugged his rough hand into hers. That glint in her gaze unmistakable.
May
Helga gripped the card tightly-
Lila and…Arnie…
Although Lila had dated many many suitors, and had plenty of choices on her plate, one weekend changed it all. It was almost two years ago now that Helga had invited all the girls over to the apartment- Lila included. They were having a grand time.
But then an unexpected visitor came knocking at their door.
Arnie.
He was looking for Arnold. He'd managed to fill out into a nice, young man and straighten out socially too.
This didn't go unnoticed by the redhead.
Their chance meeting caused them to hit it off.
Talking and flirting in the doorway as Helga tried to remind Arnie that Arnold was at work.
It took a whole ten minutes before she could separate the lovebirds.
Helga figured it'd be the end of that. After all they didn't have time to exchange numbers.
Good riddance.
But then as fate would have it, Lila went to inviting herself to Thanksgiving dinner. Of which Arnold was too kind to turn her away.
Sparks flew again.
Arnie still didn't talk much but somehow being around Lila again, really amped him back up. Arnold had never seen a time when his cousin had been so talkative.
They were practically inseparable during the whole Thanksgiving— It was a little cute in some ways.
But now it was the present.
And as Helga gripped that card—
The crisp blue and pink cardstock taunted her.
Arnold peeked over her shoulder. A small smirk played on his lips.
She gave him a shove, "Of course, little Ms. Perfect would have no trouble."
"Jealous?"
"They've barely been married a year! And she's already knocked up. Seriously?!"
"I'll take you in the other room right now—" he wiggled his brows.
"Quit lying." She snorted, "It'll be fine. The party is this weekend. You should be able to go right?"
"Yeah no problem. It's been awhile since I've seen Arnie anyway."
"But if she mentions baby names- I'm out."
He laughed, "Helga, it's a baby shower!"
She threw her arms and started heading towards the bathroom.
Soon enough the weekend came. Ironically enough Helga didn't even notice that it was Mother's Day weekend. Arnold drove down the dirt road. Occasionally he'd glance over at her. Biting his lip he suppressed the urge to ask her again.
Arnie still owned a farm on the edge of town that he'd inherited from his parents. His parents had flown the coop some time ago. More interested in seeing the world now than the calm farm life they'd always known.
Maybe it ran in the family.
As Arnold walked through the gate to the quaint little farmhouse, that question had to breathe again.
"Are you sure you're okay going to this?"
She shrugged and waved her hand, "It's your cousin. It's important. After all, they're having a baby."
Arnold gave her another look, "We're going to have a baby soon enough."
Her eyes looked hopeful. Glimmering blue as she stared into his eyes.
She wants this more every day, He sucked in a breath, "I never would have imagined you'd be like this."
He gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead before trailing down to her lips. His lips now rough against hers as he cupped her cheek. His fingers thick in her hair as if he didn't want to let go.
"Hey, guys!" Lila yelled from the steps, "Come on in!"
Their kiss broke reluctantly. Lila was already back inside before they could reply.
Arnold chuckled, "She's excited."
Helga shot him a dark look.
"She yells like that the whole time— I'm out." She started to walk towards the farm house.
He caught her arm, "Helga, I really want kids too."
She looked at him with a mild disbelief.
"I mean it. It shouldn't be much longer."
She let out a small sigh, "Whatever you say Hair boy."
Arnold and Helga walked into the quaint little farmhouse. They noticed immediately that Arnie had done some expansions on the building.
The interior had been completely updated and redone in something that screamed Lila.
In fact, he'd never seen his cousin so dedicated to anyone or anything besides wrappers.
Arnold couldn't be happier for his cousin and former classmate, but he knew at the back his mind that this visit would cause more stress in his beloved.
"Hey, Cuz," Arnie said as they walked through the door, "You guys are the first ones here."
Lila clasped her hands, "Would you guys like anything to drink? Never mind they're already ready."
The redhead pointed towards the living room before skipping back towards their kitchen. A tray of refreshments already ready on the living room end table. They looked like tea and Lemonade
Arnie put a hand on Helga's shoulder, "Hey, I can't thank you enough for setting us up."
She shrugged out of his grip, "Not sure that's how it happened. But okay."
Arnold looked a mix of entertained but also concerned for his wife.
She left them in the hallway. Settling down in the living room on a wide couch.
Arnie shrugged. Arnold just motioned towards the room. And soon enough all four of them were settled in the living room. Lila flopped down on the couch next to Helga.
Lila hugged the blonde tight, "I'm so excited you're here!"
"I can see that." Helga struggled against her death grip, "So pregnant already. I'm sure there's a funny story behind this."
"Be nice, Helga." Arnold said with a frown.
Lila glanced between the two of them with confusion. Pushing off of the couch, she switched places with Arnold to sit by her husband.
Arnie put a strong arm around her shoulders. They looked at each other with almost sickeningly sweet devotion.
Helga said, "So no funny story?"
Lila frowned, "I'm afraid I don't understand."
Arnold put a hand on hers, "Stop."
Arnie smacked his forehead, "Oh, she means did I knock you up."
Lila gave him a gruff look and he seemed to shrink. There was a moment before he sat up straight.
He said, "Nope. Lila and I wanted kids right away. Wanna be young enough to run around with'em you know?"
Arnold chuckled lightly, He's got a point…
Helga gave them a pointed look, "I mean, you've only been married a year. Pretty fast, don't you think?"
"Oh, I don't think so." Lila said, nuzzling even closer to Arnie, "We love each other so much. The baby is just going to add so much more!"
Helga about choked on her drink, She would think something like that…
"What about you two? I know you were so excited at the wedding to have kids."
Arnold glanced at Helga for context.
She waved him down, "You know girls- it came up. I'm sure you and the guys talked about how you're not gonna get to fuck any more girls—"
Arnold spit his drink. Covering his face as it grew red.
"You know— girl stuff, guy stuff."
She took a patient sip of her drink.
Arnold took a second to recover, "Of course we want kids, but the Outreach keeps me pretty busy. So as I move up, then I'll definitely have the time and the money. And then we're gonna have baby, right?
"Right," Helga said, "I think it doesn't really matter either. But, you know, leave it to Hair boy to make things complicated."
Arnie looked discouraged.
Lila's brows tilted upwards, "Well, that's very practical of you two."
The doorbell rang.
Lila practically flew off the couch. She scampered towards the door and let out an almost inhuman sound of excitement.
Helga rolled her eyes. The guys chuckled to themselves. And so it went as the rest of their friend group showed up. Once everyone was there they sat down for a luncheon. They shared stories about work and their inner lives.
They played some baby shower games including baby shower bingo. Finally, Lila opened her presents.
Lila had a tear in her eye, "Thank you ever so much. Arnie and I are just so thrilled that all of you came to be a part of our special day."
Arnie put a hand on her shoulder, "Yeah, thanks, guys. It's been great. But we have one more game to play before ya'll leave."
Arnold glanced at his wife. She slumped further into the seat.
Great more games…Helga folded her arms.
The flaps of her flannel shirt swayed backwards as Lila stood up. A small baby bump easily seen.
It stirred an ugly feeling in the blonde.
She quashed it. Vowing to replace it with good tidings for their friend.
"I'm gonna throw the baby rattle and whoever catches it is gonna be the next one pregnant!"
The boys moved away from the group. crowding in the entryway. Presumably to have a little guy talk.
The remaining girls sat in the center of the room. Helga had her back to the group. Lila turned her back to the group.
"Three, two, one!" With a light toss, Lila threw the soft rattle over her shoulder.
It lightly smacked Helga in the face before dropping in her open palms.
She glared down at the item, "I guess it gets to be me now."
Phoebe put her hand on Helga's legs, "Oh, Helga. It's gonna be wonderful. Just gotta be patient, you know? It'll be so much better when Arnold has better hours at his job."
"Yeah, I know Pheebs. I'm just tired of waiting for stuff. You know how I am."
The other girls seem to nod in agreement. Small laughs passed between them.
Lila said with a warm look, "I can't wait until you are because I've ever so certain I will be the first one in line to plan your baby shower!"
There were more sounds of adoration from the group. Helga took a gentle breath, "Thanks Lila."
The girls started quietly saying goodbyes and fall out the door towards their husbands or boyfriends. Lila and Arnie stood nestled together on the porch.
As Arnold and Helga slid into the car, Helga folded her arms. Her gaze locked on the window.
He said, "That was fun."
She pressed her face to the glass, "Lets go home. Getting kind of hungry."
He sighed, "Of course, Helga."
July
Sid and Nadine.
Nadine and Sid.
What an odd combination their friends thought.
But somehow they worked. Balanced each other out.
Even stranger still was they hadn't dated long before Sid got her knocked up. With as smart as Nadine was, it seemed that kind of thing could happen to anyone.
So one shotgun wedding, and apartment leasing fee later, the two of them were happy together—
In their own way.
Like many of their friend group, Sid and Nadine hadn't been married very long before they decided to institute an annual barbecue at their apartment duplex.
It was a smaller space, but had a decent sized backyard. Like a narrow strip of grass space that was longer than wide and half of it sloped being mostly unusable.
But nice.
So now, every time around Fourth of July they hosted a barbecue for their other friends to join with the hopes and eventually once they moved up in their jobs, they would be able to afford an actual house with a full backyard.
And then they could throw the biggest neighborhood BBQ party ever.
Of course, this was more Sid's dream than Nadine's. But as long as it kept him happy, she wouldn't complain.
Sid worked down at the construction site as a general laborer. But he had a good word and with the Construction site Manager with the hopes that if he put in good time he might be able to move up.
Nadine was a Biological Researcher down at the University specializing in Entomology (insects), of course. It was kind of funny because she often times crossed paths with Arnold's parents.
Arnold wandered into the backyard to hang with the guys. They were all gathered in a circle around the BBQ pit. It was as if Sid's cooking needed to be supervised.
Helga stayed inside with the girls as they put the finishing touches together. As he cut across their short lawn, he caught sight of Gerald, Stinky, Harold and Curly.
He made it to Gerald's side and he raised a fist in greeting. A few other guys nodded their heads.
Sid said, "About time, shit."
"Sorry, got turned around." Arnold shrugged.
"What's hard about getting here? It's straight down Pine street, and hang a left."
"Like I said. Turned around." A flicker of annoyance in the blonde.
"What you need someone to hold your hand? Damn."
Alright he's asking for it now, a glint in Arnold's eye, "It's not like you're done cooking anyway."
"Hey, a good burger takes time. Finesse. Something you clearly lack."
Arnold side eyed Gerald. His friend picked up immediately on what their retort should be.
Gerald smirked, "That's not the only thing half baked."
"Yeah, how did that happen by the way?"
Sid shot the boys a look, "What?"
The other boys slowly seemed to pick up on what they were implying. The joke that had been running for a few months now.
"Now fellers, be nice." Stinky raised his arms in mock reverence, "Fancy pants over here gits 'er done."
Curly slyly added, "Yeah, it's about the only thing he's accomplished."
Harold crushed his beer can, "What the hell are you talkin' about? Making my head hurt."
Sid's eyes widened, "Hey fuck off Arnold, seriously!"
The boys started erupting in laughter. It wasn't exactly fair, but Sid had set himself up for it. A careless mistake he made.
"Not all of us can be the Golden Boy marrying our high school sweetheart." Sid made googly eyes before returning to flipping burgers.
"Alright, so we agree it's hard to get to your house."
"I'll consider it."
"I forget, is it-"
Sid put a hand to his mouth, "Fine."
Even though the boys started talking about all kinds of things, and shooting fireworks prematurely, the conversation floated back to Sid's precarious situation.
Curly turned to Sid, "So you're not worried?"
Sid glanced back at them, "No. Should I be?"
"Yes. Kids are expensive."
Harold said, "And they take up so much time."
Gerald chuckled, "And sleep. Don't forget that."
Sid was quiet for a moment.
"You know what it doesn't matter. It might have been a mistake, but that's our kid. So it's not a mistake." Sid dunked back his beer.
Gerald tipped his glass, "That's poetic even for you."
"It's actually pretty brave." Arnold finally said, "You know if you need help we're always here."
Curly said, "You know Rhonda would probably even babysit too."
The guys burst out laughing. Images of Rhonda dressing up the baby in a overcomplicated outfit came to mind.
And then the idea of her holding out a baby screeching that it had a dirty diaper.
And then her possibly fainting at the idea of being covered in spit up.
Curly scoffed, "Hey, she's changed a lot since those days. In fact, she said after her new line of clothing, we can start trying."
All of the guys spit out their drinks or started choking.
Curly looked ready to murder them all.
Arnold paled slightly, "You're serious? But Rhonda said she hated the idea of having kids."
Curly blushed slightly, "Well, my sister had a kid not too long ago. She was in a bind, and I had to work. So Rhonda babysat."
The other guys had a look of awe for a moment.
Gerald said, "Now I've heard everything."
Harold started snorting laughter again, "Did the baby live?"
Sid elbowed Harold, "She probably put on headphones to block out the crying."
"Now fellers," Stinky waved them to calm, "It's not fair. Miss Rhonda will be great at hiring a babysitter."
The sounds of the guys shrieking as they ran from Curly could be heard from behind the window glass. Random sprays of fireworks littered the backyard. Explosions bursting against the fences and furniture.
The girls all hovered in the kitchen window. A collective thought of 'Men' seemed to pass between them. The herd of them returning to mixing their dishes.
September
It It was around lunchtime when Arnold received the call. He glanced at his screen. It said Gerald.
That's odd...
"Gerald, what's up?" Arnold picked up his sandwich.
"It's happening." Gerald's voice was tense. "What's happening?"
"It's happening. I can't believe it!" He sounded like he was hyperventilating.
Arnold's brow furrowed, "Are you okay? What's going on Gerald?"
"Phoebe's pregnant!"
Arnold dropped his sandwich.
His eyes widened as he clutched the phone tighter, "Seriously, already?"
"Yeah man, I can't believe it." He sounded giddy now.
"Are you sure?"
"I never thought it'd happen so fast. We just started trying."
"I know."
Gerald continued to blab on. His words an excited mess. His energy seemed to burn through the phone to his friends heart.
Arnold wore a small smile, I'm so excited for them. But that means Phoebe will tell Helga...hopefully she won't be too upset...
Gerald broke through, "Alright man, drinks on me tonight."
"Uh, I'll have to work late. So rain check?"
"Hold on- when are you not?"
"Uh-"
"Arnold you are my best friend. I'm not celebrating without you."
"Okay, I'll check with with my schedule."
There was a pause.
A low sigh left Gerald, "Look man, I know you want this job to work out-"
"It is-"
"But don't get lost. A'ight?" He sighed again, "You're gonna miss out on everything else."
"I told you—"
"Life is always gonna have some issue man—"
"I know—"
"You might think you're getting a promotion, but you've been working there two years now—"
"Almost three—"
"Yeah and still no dice. Just that Springton dicking you around."
"He's not."
"Yeah, but what if you don't get promoted next year? Then what? Helga isn't going to be able to have kids forever."
"I know." Arnold stood up at his desk, fingers gripping the wood, "I need this promotion before I can even think about having kids with Helga."
"What about those kids you watch at the Outreach. From the foster care system."
"What about them?"
"You think their lives are all sunshines and rainbows?"
"No—"
"Your kids will love you because you're you man. Helga too. It doesn't have to be perfect."
"I want them to have the life they deserve."
There was a static moment between them as if an impasse had been formed.
Gerald sounded defeated, "Whatever you say man."
"See ya, Gerald." Arnold breathed out.
The click of the phone made his gut sour. Suddenly lunch didn't seem so appealing.
Just a few more months...and then everything will fall in place...he's worried about nothing...
It was mid afternoon about a week later. Arnold had made time on his lunch break to meet with his parents at their favorite cafe. It'd been some time since he'd seen them even though they worked at the University not too far from where Arnold and Helga currently lived.
He figured if anyone had answers to his current woes, maybe they would.
Maybe.
Arnold tilted back in the metal chair. A scowl captured his features.
"Do you not like this place?" A quiet voice said.
He glanced over at his mother, "Its not that."
"Your stomach upset?" Miles said brows tilted.
Arnold groaned. His head resting against the cool metal table.
"Ah, it's that pesky boss of yours."
"No dear," Stella batted his arm, "It's gotta be about Helga. Look at his face."
Miles peered at his son, "I think you're right. Son-"
"Just stop." Arnold pushed up to look at them, "It's not just one thing- it's everything!"
His parents looked even more distraught. Stella wrung her hands. His father's hand thick in his hair.
Arnold bit his lip, "I'm sorry-"
Stella clasped Arnold's hand, "Tell us please."
"Its just work is taking forever to promote me- it's what I promised her, you know? We haven't even found a house yet. And now Gerald- ug. He's going to have a kid- Phoebe is her best friend. Helga will find out any moment. She's already annoyed with me."
Miles waved him down, "Slow down, what do you mean?"
Arnold ran a rough hand through his hair. His fingers catching, tugging even as he watched his parents with a somber gaze, "I told Helga we couldn't have kids until I make more money. But that's not working out. And we can't find a bigger place for when it does happen. I work all the time and she never sees me."
There was a long moment before he added, "I just feel like everything is falling apart. And nothing I do can fix it."
Miles and Stella looked torn for a moment. Glancing at each other, they fumbled for the words to say.
The waiter stopped at their table, "Ready to make a decision?"
"No I'm not!" Arnold blurted before burying his face, "Sorry."
Stella winced, "We just need another minute."
Miles put a strong hand on his son's shoulder, "Look, no one ever has it all figured out."
"Your father's right- some things just take time."
Arnold said, "It's been almost three years of this. Our friends are having kids too. I just don't know how much more she can take." His gaze watery now, "I don't want to lose her."
Stella clutched her chest, "Has she said something like that?"
"No. But still-"
"I know-" Miles raised a finger, "You guys need a vacation!"
"Psh, good luck getting off work."
"Hey, I'll talk to him if I need to."
Arnold lips tilted up, "That I'd pay to see."
"I would. Your mother and I don't like to see you this way. We're worried."
Arnold seemed unresponsive. His face against the cool metal. Eyes focused on the bubbling glass before him.
Miles said, "You know—"
Stella put a hand on Miles' shoulder. They shared a look.
"When your mother and I had you, we didn't think too much about you possibly being born in the jungle."
Arnold looked up at this.
"So many people live there and have kids all the time."
Stella nodded, "I figured we could handle it too. I wasn't afraid until you were able to crawl. I realized we'd planned all wrong."
Miles put a hand on her shoulder, "That how come things ended up the way they did. And even after coming back to the city, things still went awry."
"What we're trying to say is—"
"It's okay." Arnold blinked away a stray tear, "Gerald said about the same thing. I'll figure something out. Thanks."
His parents looked as though they might say more on the subject, but Arnold had already asked them about their jobs. A shared look between the couple before they reluctantly started regaling the events of their own lives down at the University.
Arnold buried himself in their lives. It was a temporary relief to his constant struggle. That demon that always seemed to weigh on his shoulders.
The frustration of being stuck. Locked in place with the key in sight, but just out of reach.
December
Helga sat on the couch. The tv on in the background. Her attention on the clock. It was creeping past his usual "late time". A sinking feeling drowned her gut.
Where is he?
Her phone started to buzz at her hips. The phone at her ear in a second, "My love-"
"Hey." He sounded wounded.
She clutched the couch cushion, "Let me guess- more overtime?"
He chuckled sorely, "It's our busy season. You know?"
"Arnold." She whined, clutching the cushion, I miss you so much…
"So what are you doing? Did, uh, Phoebe come over?"
"No. She went to be with Gerald's family."
"Right."
"She invited me of course."
"Of course."
"But I didn't want to impose."
The radio was softly playing Christmas music in the background. Somehow he heard it and started singing the tune to her.
"I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love. Even more than I usually do. And although I know it's a long road back. I promise you."
"Stop." Her voice mangled.
There was a breath on his lips as if he wanted to continue. He couldn't stop it incomplete.
"I'll be home for Christmas," his voice quieter now, "If only in my dreams."
There was a long pause between them. The Christmas tree lights twinkling behind her. Her lips pursed as she clutched her phone.
"I'm sorry. I love you, Kitten."
"You too, Tomcat."
She hung up the phone. A crease in her brow as she glared at it. A fire burning her gut, This isn't fair!
She stomped towards her office. Throwing the door open, she made her way inside.
Helga sat down to write a new piece. Between her work pieces, she always seemed to be compelled to write more. Her personal blog had a decent following- even if quite a few of them were contacts from college or high school.
Helga glanced at the picture on her desk. It had been taken in their second year of college. He was holding her high above him. Her hands gripped his arms while her lips parted in laughter.
Two years in and they were still the shining example of a solid marriage.
Now- that memory seemed so far away.
Slowly her fingers went across the keyboard, and she started to write the feelings in her heart...
No one ever tells you that marriage is about loss. Loss of time, loss of self- the constant struggle to not lose the rest of what's been built.
I've known my husband a long time. My whole life in fact.
You would think that means nothing could shake us. The roots of the tree planted long ago.
But still here I am. The feelings of loss and desire building up.
How many missed dinners must we have before we gain that Hollywood Illusion?
That bygone era of The fifties filled with family dinners?
Of a lounge by the balcony high above the city chaos?
Instead here I sit with some take out on the counter next to my mouse. My husband buried in work.
Alone.
It's dark for now. The clock creeping closer to ten pm.
I know he's doing this for us. To build the life we thought we wanted- but still I long for those quiet times we used to share.
All those silly empty conversations that have become so meaningful now.
Loss of time—
Loss of self—
Loss of us.
Alright let me know what y'all think. :) Thanks for all the continued support.