I woke up before the dawn, as was custom after all these years in the desert. Rolling over, I came face to face with my husband. It wasn't often that I was up before him. I carefully extracted myself from the blankets and got dressed, prepared to go for a ride before the sun came up and set the desert on fire. I entered the coral that housed our family's horses, calling the beautiful white mare over to me. Shula had been a wedding present from Ardeth. In a nomadic tribe, a horse was a necessity and something that everyone had. Clucking at her, I placed the bridle on her head and a blanket on her back. I loved riding bareback. I had been riding horses since before I could walk, and this had always been my way of doing it. It felt more natural.
As we took off over the dunes, the dawn causing streaks of orange and pink to stretch out across the dark blue sky, I felt at peace. In the five years since coming to Egypt, losing my brother, and marrying Ardeth I had changed. The events of Hamunaptra altered me and the years of living in the desert among the Medjai had given me a confidence that I did not think I would ever be able to possess. I reached a hilltop that overlooked the valley that we made our permanent home. The wind blew more freely up here, chilling me a little. I turned slightly on Shula's back, reaching into my back pocket and grabbed the letter I shoved in there on the way out of our tent.
Just like I promised my brothers I had remained in contact with them. I still carried the guilt over Jack's death. I don't think that will ever go away. But the ache has dulled ever so slightly with each passing year. But I hadn't let my family know I was alive yet. I opened the envelope addressed to me in James' handwriting, eager to read the news from home.
Dear Peggy,
I honestly never wanted to have to write this letter. Pa is sick. The doctor isn't sure what it is but he's just steadily getting worse. I'm not sure how Mama is going to handle it after losing you and Jack. I think it might be time for a visit home. I hope you'll come. I know it's been a while and we have all changed but you need this. We all need this. I'm hoping to see you soon.
Impatiently awaiting your arrival,
James
I wasn't sure at what point during that brief missive I started crying but I had to wipe my face off by the time I was done. My father was dying. I wasn't sure how to respond to that. He had always been such a large presence at home, untouchable, undefeatable. And now he was dying. How could I not go? I heard hoof steps coming up behind me. Ardeth must have woken up and realized where I would be.
"Are you ok my love?" he asked quietly.
"I don't think so. The last group to come back from Cairo had a letter from my brother with him."
"And what did James have to say? Which one of your siblings is expecting now?" he asked with a fond smile on his face.
"None that he's made me aware of. Ardeth, my dad… He's dying. And Mamma isn't doing well. I need to go home to visit. He can't die thinking I'm gone too." I explained, turning to face him.
"Then we will go." He told me.
"Can you get away that long? The tribes, they need their chieftain."
"I will leave Aman in charge. The day-to-day problems can be overseen by him and the elders. You need me more right now." He said, taking my hand and placing a kiss on it. This man never ceased to amaze me. His strong exterior, and boy what a strong exterior it was, housed the softest heart I'd ever see in a man. He was just and compassionate and honest. I just hoped my family could see all of that and not blame him for the choice I made all those years ago.
"Then we should hurry back and prepare for this long journey. James wasn't sure how long he had left." With that, we turned our horses and raced down the hillside, arriving within seconds of each other to the paddock where a stable hand was waiting to take care of our horses for us. Normally, I would insist upon brushing out Shula but with everything that needed to be handled, I just didn't have the time today. Ardeth and I split ways from there, with him going to speak with the elders and the family and myself to start packing.
Making it to Cairo was a blur. I don't think I've been sleeping properly and one day is bleeding into another as we board a boat that will take us to New York. From there we will catch a train to take us to San Antonio and from there we would be met by brothers, who I was able to send a telegram to and have them respond, and we would ride back to our homestead just west of the city. I could sense that Ardeth was uneasy and at first, he claimed seasickness. He did look a little green and I was almost positive that the only body of water he ever sailed on was the Nile which was a very different beast to the choppy waters of the Atlantic. If memory serves me right, Jack and Bernard spent most of the trip over with their heads either overboard or in the toilets.
We were sitting down for dinner on our first night at sea and I couldn't find it in me to be hungry. The food looked appetizing but either my nerves or the slight rocking of the ship wouldn't let me enjoy it. Ardeth had noticed and was feeding me water in an attempt to keep something in my stomach. After dinner we walked around the deck. As we settled down in our cabin for the night, I knew we couldn't avoid talking about what was bothering me anymore. "What if they're mad and don't want to see me? I mean, it's not like leaving was a super easy thing to do. We have responsibilities. Maybe I should've told them that I survived. What if they can't forgive me?" I was rambling, I knew but I had pushed this to the very back of my mind for so long, buried deep beneath the walls that I built to protect myself from that hurt.
"I know that this is stressful ya amar, but you need to calm down. You will work yourself into a panic if you don't breathe. I'm sure your family will just be happy that you're alive and well."
"It's been almost six years since I've seen them Ardeth. I'm not the same woman I was when I left them."
"You're right. You are now a fierce Medjai warrior queen." He said with a smirk on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes.
"You are from an entirely different plane of existence my husband. Maybe those words work on your wife in that other world, but your very earthly wife needs a little more convincing." I said, chuckling. To quite any further complaints on my part, Ardeth rolled us over and pinned me underneath him, silencing my chuckles with a kiss. He still took my breath away as surely as he did the first time I laid eyes on him. As he took my nightgown off and entered me, I could've died from happiness.
Our first five years of marriage were not without challenges. Although the elders accepted our match and granted us their blessing to wed, there were many amongst the tribes who refused to accept an outsider as the wife of the chieftain, mother of the next chieftain. There were many women who saw me as unfit as I was not raised in the ways of the Medjai, jealous that Ardeth had chosen me. And along with those pressures there was the ever-present pressure to secure Ardeth's legacy and produce an heir. I honestly felt like a damsel in one of those medieval romance novels that Rose was always simpering over.
There was much that I struggled with, adjusting to this life but the failure to produce a child for Ardeth and our family was my one silent struggle. I knew it affected him too, but I did my best to keep the true depth of my own feelings to myself. No one knew how I would go on my morning rides just for some time away to shed my tears in privacy. I'm sure Ardeth had a vague idea but there was only so much he could do. Every month that I would fail, he would hold me and insist that it would happen in the gods' timing. As much as I loved that I didn't face those moments alone, sometimes silence would have been better. But I couldn't bring myself to tell him that. He was facing this just as I was, and we all had our own way of coping.
The next two weeks of the ocean crossing took way too long, in my honest opinion. I was seasick for most of it. Ardeth was growing more concerned with each passing day as I was having trouble keeping anything down. I managed to convince him I didn't need to see the ship's physician until the last night of our voyage. It had gotten so bad that I could hardly move, and he carried me down to the infirmary. I rolled my eyes at him as the doctor told him that it was most likely sea sickness as we were coming into port and that I should be fine once we were back on non-moving land. With a dosage of some anti-nausea syrup, he sent us back to our stateroom with my silent "I told you so" to Ardeth causing him to laugh.
We disembarked the next morning in New York City and both Ardeth and I couldn't help but be a little overwhelmed by all the noise and people. Cairo wasn't exactly small, but we weren't there all the time and there certainly not this many people. I instantly felt better when we were standing firmly on the docks, much to my delight. I didn't get this sick on the original crossing. No matter, I was in the clear for a while as we checked into our hotel for the night before catching the train west in the morning.
The closer we got to Texas, the more anxious I was feeling. More than on the multi-day train ride Ardeth had to rest his hand on my knee to get me to stop bouncing it. As we passed through the luscious green of the northeast to the endless fields of the Midwest, I couldn't help but pull myself far away, back to our village and the comfort that that brought to me. It was funny how a definition of home can change so much as you grow and live. When I was younger, I couldn't imagine living anywhere but my family's ranch, working with the horses that I was breeding and trying to help my mamma with my younger siblings. And then, as I grew older, that shifted to a dream of discovering lost civilizations and working my ass off to get through university to make that happen. And finally, to the man that was currently snoring next to me in our train car. He was home now. I would follow him to the ends of the earth, take on whatever new threat the gods threw at us, just for the chance to see him smile. I just hoped my family would give him the chance that his people gave me.
We got off the train in San Antonio, quickly getting accustomed to the dry heat. It wasn't quite like home, but it was close enough. I turned to Ardeth, who was carrying our packs. "James said that he was going to meet us at noon with a surprise. God, I hope it's not Rose. I can't handle her quite yet." I told him, checking the clock that stood prominently in the center of the station. Heading to the entrance doing our best not to draw too much attention, which was quite difficult with Ardeth wearing his traditional Medjai garb. That was something that we would have to see to. I personally loved him in his robes and loose desert clothing, but America was a very different beast from Egypt. Even in Cairo, Ardeth wouldn't draw attention from his clothing; his towering and silent presence yes, but not what he wore. It would have to wait until we reached the ranch though.
Walking out in the crowded square, I was on my tiptoes trying to see my brother amongst the throng of people. It was noon, where the heck were they? I was facing Ardeth, an annoyed look gracing my face when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Whipping around I came face to face with Joseph, my second oldest brother. I squealed and threw my arms around his neck. He lifted me up and swung me around, a laugh of relief coming from him. "Peggy! I thought we'd never see you again."
"How long have you known? James said he could keep a secret." I said, sending an accusing look to the brother in question who seemed to have materialized out of thin air behind James.
"James can keep a secret just fine. This little shit, however, was snooping through my desk and found our letters, in the locked drawer that he picked open I might add."
"Joseph, didn't you learn your lesson when Mamma ripped you a new hind part from going through her things?" I asked. He just shrugged his shoulders, laughing. I felt Ardeth come up behind me.
"Where are my manners? Joseph, this is Ardeth, my husband. Ardeth, this is my second oldest brother, Joseph. But most of the time we refer to him as little shit." Ardeth smiled and stretched out his hand in greeting.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Margaret speaks so highly of all of you." This caused both brothers to turn to me and laugh. I punched them both in retaliation.
"No need to lie to me Ardeth. I know my sister has more than just fond memories of us."
"Yeah, the incessant torment as children was surely a highlight of my childhood." I said sarcastically. As we walked through El Paso towards the livestock stables on the edge of the city, I grew more tense. "So, who all knows about me? Was Joseph the only one to find out or should I expect some of the others to know as well?" I asked James.
"Calm down, Joseph is the only other one besides Edward to know. And Sarah…" he added quietly.
"No need to quietly mention her name James. I knew you weren't going to be able to keep it from her." We made it to the stable and Joseph and James brought the horses out. I gasped as I saw my own mare, Prancer, amongst them. I approached her in a daze and when I was close enough for her to catch my sent, she went wild, nickering and neighing and pulling on her lead to get to me. "Hey girl. It's been a while. You still look so beautiful. Yes, you do." I whisper to her as I rub the spot on her forehead that was her favorite. As I brushed the hair out of the way, her white star could be seen, standing out amongst the black hair that covered the rest of her, save for the four white socks on each leg.
We mounted up and took off towards home. It would take us a day and a half for us to get from San Antonio to the family ranch, so we'd be stopping for the night at our dad's hunting cabin. It wasn't much but it would do for the night. We rode mostly in silence. Every now and then Joey would ask Ardeth a question. I was surprised that he was being as calm as he was. Of all of us kids there were only three girls and as such all my brothers were protective of us. It made me wonder how much James had told him. We got to the hunting cabin just as the sun was setting over the vast Texas landscape and quickly got everything that we would need unloaded. I saw Ardeth looking out at the plains, completely lost in thought.
"Are you ok?" I walked up behind me, placing my hand on his shoulder.
"Of course, ya amar. It's just very different from home. I'm taking it all in." I could tell there was more to it than that, but I wouldn't push it until we could be alone. Ardeth didn't like sharing his burdens with anyone really and it took him a while to be able to be open with me. It was one of the things that we had to really work on in our first few years of marriage. James prepared a light dinner since there wasn't much in the cabin before turning in early. Tomorrow we'd be leaving before dawn in an attempt to make it home by midday and I was exhausted from all the travel that we'd done already. James and Joey insisted we take my parents room, the only bedroom and after some shared looks of disgust amongst us siblings, Ardeth and I laid down for the night.
Try as I might, I couldn't get comfortable. I tried on my back but that caused pain in my lower spine. I'd switch to my side, and I would get a kink in my midback. I finally drifted off to sleep after what felt like hours. I swore I saw the early bits of sunlight coming in through the only window in the room. I didn't feel rested at all when I was woken later by Ardeth gently shaking my arm. "Time to wake up my love. We're going to be leaving soon." I grumbled, turning over to face away from him. He laughed at this and pulled me over to lay on my back, grabbing both of my hands to pulling me into a sitting position. I pushed the blankets off me and got out of bed, still grumbling about pushy husbands and ungodly hours. We ate a quick breakfast, telling Ardeth that Mama would have a big meal ready by midday, as was how we did it on the ranch.
We left shortly after that, saddling up the horses and getting the bags situated on each of them. With one final look over in the cabin to ensure everything was like we found it, we set off on the final leg of our journey. The closer we got to home, the more nervous I got. I knew they would be angry. How could they not be? I lied to them for five years and didn't tell them that Jack had died. I would be mad too. I mean I still was mad. They might not know for sure and could be living each day with some hope that we'd come back but I lived every day for the past five years knowing that he was gone, and I couldn't bring him back.
These thoughts stayed with me for most of the morning and I didn't even realize that we were entering into our land until my brothers yelled so those up at the house could hear us. Great. We stopped at the barn, dismounting, and taking care of the horses. I took my time fixing up Prancer, nerves slowing my movements even though I could've gotten this done in five minutes in my sleep. When there was nothing else to distract myself with, Joey grabbed my arm and drug me up to the house. Rose was at the door, white as a sheet like she had seen a ghost. He led me through the house that held so many cherished memories to our parents' room on the first floor.
He left me there, patting my arm. I knocked on the door, almost losing my nerve. I heard Mama yell from within to come in. Before I could convince myself that this was a horrible idea, I turned the knob and stepped into the doorway. "Hi Mama, hi Papa."