DisclaimerI don't own any character in this story except Bob...and he dies...
Author's note Wow this is my first fan fic! I like to thank my friends who inspired me! They are all very random! Yes this story is random...if you don't like random too bad... ;;
A Fowl Friday
Artemis was sitting at his new computer from Japan. He paid off some guy who worked at the factory so he could get it before it was released. He had put together the entire system in under ten minutes…without using a manual.
Artemis was about to turn on his computer when he heard a shriek. He quickly got up and…
Butler was already in motion running to where the sound had come from. He jumped off the ledge in the entrance hall and then realized he was on the fourth floor. He landed on his feet though…but broke both his kneecaps.
Artemis was the only one now who could go. He ran to the door and opened it…
IT WAS HOLLY!
Artemis nearly fell over. He looked over Holly's shoulder to see if anyone else was there. There was no one there.
He looked at Holly, she was smiling so much it was almost scary, and to top it all off she was holding a potato with strange markings that made it look like a smiley face. The little knobby things that usually come out of potatoes were in the center of the eye shaped area.
"Holly…umm…did you scream?" Artemis asked, "And what's with the potato?"
"I am better than ever! I just stopped by to tell you that I am getting married!"
Artemis nearly toppled over.
"Married! To who!"
"Tee hee…meet Bob."
Artemis looked around, and didn't see anyone. Then he realized she was holding up the potato.
"You don't mean…"
"What don't you like Bob?" Holly then began to cry.
"Calm down! Umm…I think Bob is wonderful…"
"Reeeeeeeeeeeeally?" said Holly, perking up.
"Yes."
"Yippee!"
Holly ran into the house and ran up the stairs, ignoring Butler crying on the floor, and into Juliet's room. Artemis ran after her. He had to stop her! No one ever went into Juliet's room but Juliet herself.
Holly ran down the hallway and opened Juliet's door…Artemis screamed, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
The opened door revealed a lime green room with pink polka dots all over it.
"Huh?" said Artemis, as he nearly fainted. The events of the day were now taking its toll on Artemis.
Juliet was sitting in the middle of the room playing with Malibu Barbie dolls. She looked really pale and was gaping at the two people in her door.
"Uh…I can explain…"
"OOOOOOOOOH," said Holly, "MALIBU BARBIE!" Holly ran over to join Juliet in her game.
"Everybody out!" screamed a miserable Juliet. No one is allowed in Juliet's room. She picked up Holly and Artemis and literally threw them out. They flew off the same ledge that Butler jumped off of earlier. Only they landed softly…on Butler's stomach…
"Ooooh" said Butler who was now in extreme pain.
"Thank you, Butler, for having a big squishy belly!"
"Uh?" said Butler in reply.
Holly took out Bob and started to kiss him in the middle of the entrance hall. Butler passed out from exhaustion. Then in the middle of all this madness, the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it." said a deeply confused Artemis.
He opened the door and in popped Harry Potter, in full wizard wardrobe. He jumped in and knocked over the already confused Artemis Fowl. He pointed his wand at him and said, "Where is Voldemort?"
"Wrong story!" said Artemis.
"Oh. Well I'm gonna look around anyway"
"Alright I will bring you around the house."
"Ooooh! I want to come too!" said Holly and she actually put the stupid potato in Artemis's pants.
"Ack!" he said, he reached in and took out the potato, "Holly, how long have you known Bob?"
"Since last week when I bought him at the grocery store."
"…"
Artemis began the tour. He showed them every room except for Juliet's. He also took them to the roof…big mistake…
"As you can see Mr.…"
"Potter"
"Yes, Mr. Potter as you can see there is no one named Voldemort here."
"Sorry for the mistake."
"It is quite alri---
"Who's that?" Holly interrupted.
Suddenly Artemis' stomach sank as he saw a masked figure with a cape and a top hat hiding behind the chimney. He was neither an elf nor human, by Artemis's standards anyway.
"VOLDEMORT!" shouted Harry.
"…"said Voldemort.
Voldemort seemed to be in a trance.
"Holly the elf, what's your favorite color!"
"I like…no one's ever asked me before…red…cause of blood…" replied Voldemort in a cheery tone. This scared both Artemis and Harry.
Artemis was very very confused by now.
"Will you be my friend?" said Holly
"Okay!"
"Can you fly?"
"I never tried before…"
Holly jumped into the air and turned on her hummingbird 2 which was so fast you couldn't even see the wings. This was the reason Voldemort did the following.
He turned to everyone and said, "I can fly!" Then he jumped off the roof. The next thing everyone heard was a sickening splat.
"NOOO! Shield your eyes Bob!" said, obviously, Holly.
"Who's Bo--?"
"Don't ask."
"At least I avenged my parents."
"What are you talking about he jumped off!"
"Yeah, but he is still dead."
"True."
Artemis then escorted them down the stairs, again ignoring Butler's unconscious body. But about half way down someone flipped through the window.
"NOT AGAIN!"
Oh yes another intruder. Yippee.
"I am Opal Koboi!"
"I am Diamond I. Enderson." said Holly; she seemed to believe Opal was joking.
"Really I must be…hey you're Holly!" Opal growled, flames literally dancing in her eyes, "HELP NY EYES ARE ON FIRE!"
Holly threw a bucket at Opal; the bucket was filled with bleach from the laundry.
"EEEK!" screamed Opal, her skin burning.
"Ohhhhh…" said everyone in amazement as she began to melt
"Just kidding!" said Opal.
"Hey shouldn't you be in jail?" asked Harry, and everyone realized he was right.
"Maybe…" said Opal and jumped out the window.
"You do realize we are on the 3rd floor"
They heard Opal curse as she hit the ground. Opal didn't die though (right away) she merely landed on her skull, developed an aneurysm, and then died.
"Ewww!" screamed Holly as she looked at Opal in disgust, "Maybe we should call an ambulance."
"Hmmm…NAW!" Harry then decided it was time for him to go.
"Bye everyone, it was…err…fun…"
"By-" Holly suddenly stopped she first looked confused then mad.
"I TOLD FOALY NO MORE EXPIRIMENTS!" Holly notices she is holding strange potato, "What the fudge is going on her where the heck did this stupid potato come from…"
"He's your phensay" said Artemis, holding back laughter.
"I am gonna kill that miserable excuse for a centaur I told him I don't want any happiness rejuvenation!" then killed Bob by stomping on him. She growled out of the house.
"Finally, peace!" said Artemis as he headed to his computer. He turned it on then realized…it was in Japanese…