Well here i am again writing another pointless fanfiction. Just so you know Holly doesn't act like an idiot this time.
I don't own Artemis Fowl or Harry Potter and if i did i would me a rich girl!
I do own Bob and Mr...umm well i am not even going to attempt it...
Fowl Saturday
Artemis was lying on his bed thinking of yesterday's…err…incident…when suddenly there was a knock at his door.
"Who is it?" he asked.
"Artemis…there is…someone…here to see you…" said Butler in a different tone than you usually heard from Butler.
"Send him in!"
The door opened and Artemis gasped. There stood a 3ft tall penguin hopped into his room. The penguin almost seemed elegant if not for the spaghetti sauce splattered around his beak.
"Butler, did you feed the penguin our leftovers from lunch?" They had had spaghetti and meatballs for lunch and apparently so had the penguin.
"Umm…well…maybe…" Artemis's eyes stared at him motionless, unfeeling. "OK! He was just too cute! He asked for some!"
"THAT WAS MY SPEGGETTI! JULIET MADE IT SPECIALLY! I JUST WANTED TO SAVE IT IN THE SAFETY OF MY REFRIDGERATOR, BUT NO. YOU HAVE TO GO AND GIVE IT TO EVERY BLASTED PENGUIN THAT COMES INTO THE HOUSE!" Artemis blinked surprised at the volume of his own voice. Then he went back to his normal tone. "What is a penguin doing here anyway?"
"It said it wanted to see you sir."
"What!"
"Ummm…I can speak penguin sir and it told me it wanted to see you…"
"YOU CAN SPEAK WHAT!"
"Penguin…sir…"
"Where did you learn to speak penguin?" Artemis was beginning to think today was going to end up like yesterday… (Read chapter 1 to find out more)
"I would appreciate it if we stayed off that subject…"
"I see…"
"Beep" said the penguin.
"Butler let me speak to Mr.…."
"Mr.Riggotenyeti." said Butler.
"What!"
"That is his name sir…"
"Never mind!" Could you please leave me and Mr. Raccoon-spaghetti alone?"
"No its--" Artemis cut him off by slamming the door in his face. Then he looked into the penguin's eyes. The penguin saw it flicker as if flames had begun inside his very mind. The penguin gulped.
"So Mr.Jazzy-franketi how did you like my spaghetti?"
"Beep."
"Was it tasty?"
"Beep."
"Do you want more?
"Beep."
"Well answer me!"
"Beep."
"This is not getting anywhere…" Artemis said to himself. "Who do you work for?"
"Beep."
"'Beep' is that who you work for?"
"Beep."
"Answer me you damn bird!"
"Beep…" The penguin began to cry…very loudly…Then suddenly Butler burst in and said, "Artemis! You have gone too far! I am taking Mr. Riggotenyeti and bringing him to the salon where we can get our feathers fluffed."
"BEEP!" the penguin cried but to no avail. He was being carried of by some old human and was going to get his feathers fluffed. Great.
Artemis looked around. He found himself alone. Artemis panicked and ran straight into the entrance hall, but he didn't stop there! Artemis ran all the way to Tara and down the shute. (He jumped down if you must know)
Holly was sitting in her office sitting at her computer. Usually she would be out on patrol but today was the day that she had to watch the shute scanner. She was bored out of her mind so she made little origami elves out of her report and began to play with them. She felt eyes on the back of her neck and turned slowly around…ROOT!
"Oh dear…" Holly muttered to herself.
"GRRRRR!"
There was a long argument with Holly and Root. The argument involved a lot of cursing.
"Agh!" said Holly then banged her head on the desk.
She looked up at the screen and saw a figure falling down the shute. She looked at it carefully. It was too big to be a fairy. It had to be a human. She knew who it was.
"ARTEMIS!" she growled. Holly is having a bad day. She checked the monitor again. Something was coming out of the mudboy.
"DAMMIT!" Artemis yelled as he wet his pants. "Juliet will never let me live this down!"
Suddenly a blur picked up Artemis, it was Holly of course.
"Ewww, why are you all wet?"
"Ummm…"
"EEEEEWW!" Holly dropped Artemis down the shute.
"Aaaaaaaaaaah!"
"Ewww!" screamed Holly as she tried to clean her hands.
"Is there anyone who can save me!"
There was a great flash and Harry Potter was there holding him up with his wand.
"What took you so long?" said Artemis.
"Well it is a lot harder to use Floo powder to get here through magma than a fireplace.
Artemis paled.
"Did you say magma?" said Artemis"
"How do you expect me to get here?"
"I don't know but please tell me that there is now flare coming up from under us."
Harry looks down.
"Oh shoot! I mean there is no flares coming to get us."
Harry ran with Artemis floating beside him up the shute.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!" screamed Holly who seemed to be trying to claw her hands off.
"RUN!" screamed both Harry and Artemis.
"Holy----!" Holly never got to finish as she was engulfed by magma.
Harry backed against a wall. Artemis was bawling and was in hysterics.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" said Artemis.
"Get a hold of yourself man!"
"You're right…WE ARE GONNA DIE! IT'LL TAKE A MIRACLE TO SAVE US NOW!"
Suddenly a penguin came out of the surging magma flares. The penguin was covered in makeup and its feathers were pink and fluffy. The oddest part though was that it was floating out of the magma.
"It is Mr. Whifiytsufa-machin!" cried Artemis.
"WHAT?" said Harry.
"Long story. (Which you just read!)"
"BEEP!" said the penguin.
And magicallyish stuff flew out of his wings and into the magma and pulled out a black crumbly, coughing Holly.
The penguin brought them all back to Artemis's house where they all had more spaghetti! (I must want some spaghetti.) Butler was there too. His skin was completely pink and Artemis was trying to think of a way to get rid of it. When the doorbell rang.
"I will get it!" said Holly. Holly went to the door realizing that she can't open it because she is a fairy. "Maybe I can't get it…"
"Who is it?" Artemis yelled from the kitchen.
"Ummm…I am…the pizza guy! Yeah the pizza guy!"
"Come in!" Artemis said. Then he realized something. "Did any of you order pizza?" No one answered. Then someone blasted the door open. After the smoke cleared they saw it.
"BOB!" everyone cried.
"I thought Holly smashed you!" only after Artemis said this did he realize how stupid he sounded. Then he hit himself in the head. Wow, today is turning out like yesterday.
The potato had on a spandex superman costume with goggles. He looked as if he had been sown together with a needle and thread.
"Holly, my darling marry, me!" said Bob.
"You have got to be kidding me." said Holly in a monotonous voice. The potato used some kind of grappling hook gadget to grab a screaming Holly and fling her into the air. He then caught her in a potato bag…(ironic isn't it?)
"Mefeplp Mesh!" screamed Holly from inside the bag.
"Holly!" yelled Artemis. Then the potato broke through the ceiling and flew away. "NOOO!"
By the time he was finished screaming the two had disappeared into the clouds.
"I swear I will find you Holly!" said Artemis, tears streaming down his face.
"Beep beep!" said the penguin. Artemis turned to yell at the penguin but then stopped. He looked at the penguin with a malicious sneer, one he hadn't had in quite a while.
"I believe I have a plan…" He then stared at the penguin. The penguin gulped down the rest of his spaghetti.