Chapter 13: Sanctuary
Shepard tried to ignore the worried looks that Tali and Garrus were passing back and forth to one another as they waited for the Normandy to come into view. She felt exhilarated. She was going crazy, but it that was alright because it was keeping her and her team alive. So what if the prothean beacon had scrambled her brains, made her see things that weren't really there. She'd deal with the hallucinations so long as it meant not having a bomb explode in her face.
The Normandy came over the rise and was lowered down enough to pull the Mako back into the cargo bay. With the Mako secure, her team piled out of the vehicle and Shepard took a moment to clap them both on the arm in silent acknowledgement of a job well done. Shepard made her way upstairs to unload her weapons. With the fight over she could feel the fatigue setting into her muscles, her fingers fumbled with the clasps on her shoulders as she tried to remove her armor. Kaidan was there, gently brushing her hands out of the way and handing her a cold beer before his fingers deftly opened the clasps and helped her out of her armor. Shepard grunted in acknowledgment before taking a long pull from the cold bottle. She pulled the bottle away from her lips and eyed the bright red maple leaf on the corner of the label.
"Thanks," she said setting the bottle down on top of her locker.
"Anytime, Commander," Kaidan said as he leaned against the wall.
Shepard shoved the armor into the locker knowing that it needed cleaning but she would get to that later. After she'd showered and ate. Kaidan raised an eyebrow at the blood smears still drying on the chest plate as she tossed it in the locker.
"I know, I know. I'll clean it later, I swear," Shepard said grabbing the bottle of beer and taking another drink.
Kaidan chuckled, "Yes, ma'am. So, there was no explosion that I saw from up here. I guess that means you took care of things down there?"
"Kaidan! I'm shocked. You doubted me?" Shepard teased.
"No, ma'am. Never," Kaidan smiled.
Shepard closed her eyes as she tilted her head back to take a drink and images flashed through her mind. She was standing on a planet surrounded by prefab buildings, a colony it must be. Crates were scattered about an open courtyard and in the middle stood a platform with a console. Shepard was tired, chest heaving with a battle just won. Garrus stood beside her, his face badly scarred. A human woman wearing a skin tight jumpsuit; white and black with an orange and black diamond shaped symbol emblazoned above her left breast stood to her other side. Kaidan stood in front of Shepard, his image flickered and suddenly he was Ashley. It flickered again and was Kaidan once more. He was older; the fine lines around his eyes had deepened. Those same lines became sharp and deep when his lip curled up in disgust. It was Ashley again, and she took slow, warry steps away from Shepard as her eyes moved from Shepard to her team and back, "You're with Cerberus now?" Kaidan once more, "Garrus, too?" Kaidan's voice was deep and rough as his eyes narrowed, "I can't believe the reports were right."
Shepard coughed, choking on the thick foamy beer half way down her throat. Kaidan pushed himself from the wall and pounded a hand against her back.
"Commander? You alright? You're supposed to swallow it, you know, not breathe it," Kaidan said.
Shepard ran the back of her hand across her lips, her eyes locked on to Kaidan. Slowly she dropped her hand, aware that every ounce of the elation she had been feeling was now gone. Humor danced in his eyes, not anger and not disdain.
Shepard cleared her throat, "Well, now you tell me, Lieutenant," she shoved the bottle towards his chest, "Here, you finish it. I don't want a beer I can't breathe."
Kaidan chuckled as he accepted the half empty bottle from Shepard and put it to his lips.
"So what now, Commander?" Kaidan asked.
"Now we go to Feros," Shepard started to turn away from him.
"Hmmm. Feros," Kaidan nodded before taking another drink.
Shepard clapped him on the shoulder and headed for the CIC. No more hesitation. No more running and being afraid. Damn it if she was going crazy, she was going to take every advantage it had to offer and go down fighting Saren, not herself. She pulled the galaxy map into focus and locked on to Feros. Her fingers sure as they glided over the console, locking in the coordinates for Joker. Finally, thank you.
She made her way to her cabin to dig out some clean clothes before heading to the showers. The hot water soothed away her aches and the steam cleared the scent of blood, burning flesh, and Canadian beer from her nostrils. Shepard lifted her face to water, letting the stinging droplets pelt the sensitive skin before running her hands across her face. For the first time in days she felt calm. She felt in control of herself. Even if she was having strange hallucinations and terrifying dreams; she knew that she could handle this. She was Commander Shepard. Spectre Shepard. She had this.
Ten minutes later and Shepard was exiting the shower, the scents of olive oil and cherry blossom lingered in the air and followed her out of the room. She rubbed the towel wrapped around her neck over her hair once more before running a comb though the black mass of tangles. She ditched the towel in the laundry chute before heading to the med bay.
Dr. Chakwas and Liara were standing together comparing notes when Shepard entered. They both looked up and smiled at Shepard. Liara started to leave but Shepard waved to her, asking her to stay. Shepard moved over to one of the cots and pulled herself up on it, her feet dangling over the edge.
"Might as well stay for this, Liara," Shepard said. "I had another… event, down on Agebinium."
Liara's eyes grew with excitement as she came to stand by Shepard's side. Dr. Chakwas moved forward, opening the scanner on her omni-tool and waved it over Shepard as she started asking her questions.
"What kind of event?" Dr. Chakwas asked.
"Like on the Citadel with the AI," Shepard said and then to clarify it for Liara, "It was like my hands had a mind of their own. Knew exactly where they needed to go; exactly what they needed to do to diffuse the bomb."
"I see. What happened just before the… event?" Dr. Chakwas said.
Liara was opening a file on a datapad, her fingers poised over the screen to take notes, "Ah. Shepard, would you mind if I recorded your story. I can take notes if you prefer, but it would make things far easier if I had a recording to refer back to later."
Shepard nodded to Liara and waited while the asari tapped a few buttons on the datapad's screen before nodding to indicate she was ready.
"Well, we found the probe's signal coming from a mine. Obviously, the beacon didn't crash in a mine and was moved there. Anyway, we went in and after we got to the room with the beacon we heard an explosion and the mine shook. When we got near the probe a hologram of a man called Elanos Haliat popped up and he did the whole 'I'm an evil villain and here is my plan' spiel," Shepard said waving her hand around in circles, "Then he was gone and the probe was set to detonate in ten seconds time."
Shepard looked up to see Dr. Chakwas staring at her unblinking, her mouth a tight line across her face.
"What?" Shepard asked.
"I'm just trying to understand how it is you have come to be so blasé about this, Commander. When this first started, you were, dare I say, terrified," Dr. Chakwas said.
Shepard shrugged, "I'm adapting. It's what I do."
Dr. Chakwas made a rude hmph sound keeping her eyes on Shepard.
"Besides… you two don't seem to be too worried about it all and you're not declaring me unfit for duty so…," Shepard said.
"Is that what you were afraid of, Commander? That I'd declare you unfit?" Dr. Chakwas asked.
"Well, yeah, that was a big part of it. Plus the whole, you know, wondering if I was losing it," Shepard said.
"What happened next, Commander?" Liara's voice cut through the intense staring match between Shepard and Dr. Chakwas.
Shepard cleared her throat and turned her head to Liara, "I, uh – I asked for help."
"You asked who for help, Commander?" Dr. Chakwas asked.
Shepard turned back to her and said, "The – ah beacon, I guess," Shepard lifted a shoulder, "I thought it, asked it for help in my thoughts. And it did."
Shepard swallowed against the lump rising in her throat; she could feel a sense of panic setting in. Maybe she had made a horrible mistake by coming to them with this. Maybe she should have kept it to herself. Oh gods, why was Dr. Chakwas looking at her like that. Calm down, Dawn. Be still. This is all so new. I've never… We've never done any of this before, but we know Dr. Chakwas. We know her and she isn't going to turn on you. Just be still. Keep your shit together and don't give her a reason to doubt her own judgement. Shepard swallowed again and kept her gaze on Dr. Chakwas, her head held high. She had this.
"Shepard! This is amazing! If I understand what you are saying, you were able to interact with and guide the prothean data to your advantage," Liara exclaimed.
Shepard lifted a corner of her mouth at Liara's exuberance.
"And tell us again, Commander, how the beacon helped you," Dr. Chakwas said with her eyes on her omni-tool.
"Uh, well… It was like suddenly being in the passenger seat instead of being the driver," Shepard rushed to elaborate, "But, I mean, it's not like I couldn't still reach over and grab the wheel if I needed to. I watched as my hands reached out for the access point on the probe, slipped the cover away, fished out a wire and cut it before moving on to the next access point. There was no doubt; it was all fast and sure. Like it knew exactly what it was doing; like it had done it a thousand times before."
At least a thousand times before.
"This is… this is truly, truly amazing," Liara mumbled to herself.
"And how did you feel while this was happening, Commander? After the Citadel, when we spoke, you seemed deeply disturbed by the event," Dr. Chakwas said.
Shepard chuckled, "I uh, I was relieved and… intrigued. When it was done, I laughed."
"You laughed?" Dr. Chakwas said.
"Yeah, I mean… we didn't die. There was nothing… I had no ability to handle that bomb on my own. I brought Garrus and Tali with me because they're better with tech than the others, but still… we should've been dead by all rights. That bomb should have gone off while we were trapped in that mine but it didn't," Shepard said.
The panic started to rise in Shepard again but dissolved into nothingness when Dr. Chakwas smiled at her.
"Well, I tell you what, Commander. I think I would have needed fresh underwear after that myself," Dr. Chakwas said with a chuckle.
Shepard and Dr. Chakwas laughed, and soon Liara's hesitant chuckle could be heard joining theirs.
"Well, then. My scans are still showing nothing abnormal so physically, you are fine. You seem to be adjusting to the psychological changes that have been brought on by the beacon and are handling these events – as you call them – well enough. Unless you start to behave erratically, I have no reason at all to think that you are not fully capable of handling this. I have faith in you, Commander," Dr. Chakwas said.
Shepard breathed a sigh of relief and slid down off the bed.
"Thank you, Dr. Chakwas. I appreciate hearing that," Shepard squeezed the doctor's shoulder. "I am beginning to wonder, however, if we shouldn't make some sort of statement of sorts to the rest of the crew. I think my laughing fit worried Tali and Garrus. I've been hesitant to talk about any of this with anyone else."
Liara smiled, "I am sure that it would soothe many concerns, Commander. However, you should not feel pressed to share anything that you are not comfortable sharing. I believe that you have the full support of everyone on this ship."
"Thanks, Liara. Both of you. If you wouldn't mind, though, I think I'll call a meeting and I'd like the both of you there to help answer questions," Shepard said.
"Of course, Commander," both women responded in unison.
Shepard left the med bay and made her way to the debriefing room. She hit the comm button and waited until she could hear Joker's breathing on the other side.
"Joker, please call everyone into the debriefing room and I'd like it if you came as well, please," Shepard asked.
"Aw, c'mon Commander, are you really going to make me hobble my way to the debrief room? What if I break something? Can't I just, you know, leave the comm open or something?" Joker grumbled.
"Fine, fine. Whatever. Just get everyone up here," Shepard relented with a sigh.
"Aye, aye, Commander." Joker said.
Shepard paced the floor while the room slowly started to fill. Dr. Chakwas and Liara were there before anyone else both carrying datapads and offering Shepard encouraging smiles. She tried to smile back but her nerves were on edge. She pinched at her lower lip as she thought about exactly what she wanted to say. When the room was full, and everyone was seated Shepard leaned against the wall instead of taking her chair in the circle of her crew. She took a deep breath and began.
"You all have heard about my experience with the beacon on Eden Prime," she hesitated as her eyes scanned over the group. "You know about the visions that the beacon somehow transferred to me."
Her eyes looked over the group again. Most of them looked inquisitive. Dr. Chakwas and Liara smiled and gave slight nods. Wrex looked bored.
"Uh, Commander? Well if no one else is going to say it: what's your point?" Joker's voice came through over the comm.
"Joker!" Dr. Chakwas chided.
Shepard cleared her throat and pushed herself away from the wall, ignoring Joker's jibe. She paced a few steps before looking back to her crew.
"There have been some other things. That I've experienced. Aside from the visions, I mean," Shepard said.
Ashley squirmed in her seat, "Well, like what other things, ma'am?"
Shepard rubbed her forehead. Why did she think this was a good idea? I have no clue, but you're hear now so sink or swim, Dawn. Sink or swim.
"Uh, headaches… and um," Shepard shrugged and looked at Dr. Chakwas.
Dr. Chakwas stood and moved over to Shepard, placing a supportive hand on her back before addressing the room, "Commander Shepard has been experiencing moments of inexplicable clarity wherein she finds herself able to do things – such as diffuse complex bombs – without any prior experience with such tasks," she glanced at Tali and Garrus, "Or finds that she simply knows the layout of an area she has never been to. She has also described a sense of foresight before and during battles; knowing when and where she is going to face enemies."
Everyone was leaning forward in their seats now, all eyes were on Shepard. Unwavering, prying.
"This was a bad idea," Shepard mumbled.
Liara cleared her throat, "If I may? My research on the protheans has not provided me with significant insight into how the beacons work, or what precisely they are capable of – however, I believe that everything that Commander Shepard has described has a basis in my understanding of the protheans. Of course, Dr. Chakwas and I have been monitoring Shepard's condition and I have been continuing my research. We do not feel that there is any cause to be alarmed."
The silence weighed heavily on Shepard. She had her head down, studying the scuffs on her boots when Joker's voice broke the silence.
"So, uh, basically you're telling us that the beacon gave Shepard super psychic powers?" Joker said.
Liara squirmed and looked up at the camera, "No, that is not…"
"Because you know, if that's the case, I'm thinking we should swing by Earth and pick up a few lottery tickets, Commander," Joker said.
Shepard couldn't help the grin that spread across her lips as she glanced up at the camera, "I don't think it works that way, Joker, but if it changes you'll be the first to know."
"If any of you have any concerns, or questions, Shepard has given Dr. T'soni and myself permission to explain anything that we can to you," Dr. Chakwas said.
Garrus raised a hand into the air as he sat back in the chair.
"Garrus, you don't... gods, you don't need to raise your hand," Shepard said
Joker chuckled over the comm.
Garrus grinned and said, "Oh, I just wanted to know if I could be the one to use the next beacon we find? I wouldn't mind super psychic powers of my own."
"Garrus, the Commander has shown remarkable…" Liara began.
"I don't think so, turian. The next beacon is mine," Wrex said crossing his arms.
"Oh, no, I do not think that…" Liara tried again.
"Imagine what I could contribute to the flotilla," Tali said.
"You guys can't be serious?" Ashley said.
"I really think that it is best if we…" Liara spoke.
"We don't even know what this thing did to her, not really. It could be causing all sorts of problems. Tearing her up inside. It's a miracle she survived," Kaidan's voice of reason broke through the chaos, silencing the room.
"Again, I assure you all that Commander Shepard's condition is being monitored and we have found no signs of physical damage of any sort," Dr. Chakwas said to the room.
"But she said she's been getting headaches. And I… I've heard her wake up in the middle of the night screaming," Kaidan said avoiding Shepard's eyes. "Sorry, Commander."
Shepard sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "No, Kaidan, it's alright. Yes, I have been having more frequent headaches and more intense nightmares but I am not a stranger to either. You all know at least something of my history… Mindoir… Akuze… those kinds of things leave a mark on a person," she glanced over the room again, "The headaches – the nightmares, they aren't a product of the beacon, though they may be aggravated by it. Dr. Chakwas has assured me that she sees no reason for me to be declared unfit for duty."
"But you think that there might still be more changes to come?" Ashley asked.
"It is possible, yes," Dr. Chakwas said calmly.
"Oooohhh, what if she like, develops laser eyes or starts flying?" Joker said over the comm.
"Joker!" Dr. Chakwas said.
"I hardly think that is a plausible outcome. There has never been any indication that the protheans had 'laser eyes' or were capable of flight," Liara said.
"Hmmm. Liara's right, Joker. We're talking super psychic powers here. She's far more likely to start reading our minds, or telling us our futures," Garrus said mischief in his eyes.
Shepard's heart started thumping wildly in her chest and she knew the second Garrus caught it when the iris of his visor constricted and he narrowed his eyes. She swallowed and forced herself back to a state of calm, willing her heart to slow down once more. Garrus' eyes stayed locked on Shepard. She could feel his burning gaze no matter where she looked.
"Well that would be rather fascinating, I am not sure if the protheans were capable of such feats I will have to research that further," Liara said sounding excited once more.
"Liara, he was joking," Shepard said.
"Oh, yes, of course," the blue of Liara's cheeks darkened a hair.
Kaidan sat back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest looking thoroughly unamused. Ashley scoffed and mimicked Kaidan's posture.
"So, how are you handling all of this, Commander Shepard? Are you OK? I mean, really OK?" Tali asked.
Wrex snorted, "You're kidding. You've seen this human on the battle field. She's tough, not as tough as a krogan, but damn tough. Of course she's OK."
Shepard forced a smile and tried not to let her eyes stray to Garrus, "Thank you, Tali for asking. I can't say that it wasn't alarming, when it all started happening but it's nothing I can't handle. Listen, I don't want you guys to be worried about this, alright? I chose to tell you because I didn't want to keep things from you and I wanted to help assuage any concerns that you might have had. I know a few of you have noticed some strange… behaviors from me and I just wanted to make sure you all knew that your Commander had this under control. Alright? I've got this."
No one said anything else so Shepard said, "Dismissed."
Garrus was the last of the crew to leave his seat. He stayed there, watching Shepard as everyone else left. Finally he stood and walked past Shepard only to stop and turn towards her back; his own back to the camera in the room. He was close enough she could feel the heat from his body soaking into her own. He lowered his head so that it was near her ear. Her breath caught in her throat as she was overcome with his scent. She held her ground when she heard him breathe in deeply before his warm breath washed over her ear. It sent shivers down her spine and she was struck with the desire to turn and nuzzle her face in his neck. She didn't have time to question the bizarre thought before he spoke softly.
"Liar," he whispered.
Shepard crossed her arms and shifted her weight, "We'll talk later, Garrus."
"Hmmm," he hummed in her ear before leaving her alone in the room.
"Uh, Commander, what was that?" Joker's voice came over the comm.
Shepard turned to look at the camera, "That was Garrus trying to bribe me to let him use the next beacon."
"Uh huh. 'Cause it looked a lot more like your turian friend was whispering sweet nothings into your ear," Joker said.
"Can it, Joker," Shepard said.
"Just sayin'…" Joker said.
Shepard left the room shaking her head in dismay. She made her way to the mess hall and found that it wasn't nearly as empty as she had hoped. In fact, the only two from the meeting that weren't accounted for in the mess were Liara and Dr. Chakwas. Tali sat at a table across from Wrex chatting away while Wrex watched her animated hands with his giant red orbs. Kaidan and Ashley sat across from one another at the other end of the table, whispering to one another as they ate. Garrus leaned against the counter, his eyes already on Shepard as he picked at his plate next to him. The room grew quiet and Shepard realized that everyone had stopped to watch her. She groaned inwardly and moved to pour herself some coffee before grabbing a tray and moving to sit down between Wrex and Ashley. A few seconds later and Garrus was sliding into the seat across from her. Shepard groaned inwardly before shooting him a warning glance.
"Soooo. No laser eyes?" Garrus drawled.
Shepard grinned, "No laser eyes."
"Damn," Garrus said.
The tension in the room eased and everyone began talking and eating again. Shepard glanced around the table and was overcome with a since of gratitude for each of those there with her. For accepting her. For not leaving her. Kaidan moved down the bench closer to Garrus and looked across at Shepard.
"Commander, I… I just wanted to tell you again that I'm sorry about Eden Prime. If I hadn't gotten so close to that beacon, you wouldn't have had to pull my ass away from it. You wouldn't have been near it when it… went off," Kaidan said.
"Don't worry about it, Kaidan. I'm fine, really," Shepard said.
"I know. I believe you… I'm just sorry," Kaidan said.
"Come on Kaidan, you're not just a little bit jealous that Shepard got the super psychic powers and you didn't?" Garrus teased.
"What? No, I…," Kaidan's eyebrows shot up.
Shepard barked out a laugh, tossing her head back to the ceiling at the look on Kaidan's face. She could hear the low chuckle from Wrex down the table. Ashley slid down closer to Shepard. A moment later Wrex and Tali had moved closer, too.
"Come on, LT. Stop with the apologizing already. Shepard said she has this. So, she has this," Ashley said.
Shepard wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.
"Thanks, Chief," Shepard said.
"Anytime, ma'am," Ashley said.
Kaidan managed a soft chuckle himself, ending that conversation. So different than anything we've had with them so far. How are you doing this? Bringing them all together like this?
"So where are we going now, Commander?" Ashley asked.
"Feros," she said, "Which reminds me. Wrex, I'm taking you with me for muscle. The damage done to the colony is unknown; we might need to strong arm our way through areas of debris. Tali, I'm taking you as well since we are most likely to be facing strong geth forces."
"Sure, Shepard. I'll do your heavy lifting, so long as I get to shoot something," Wrex said.
Tali nodded, "Of course, Shepard."
Soon after the table cleared as the others finished their meals and returned to their station leaving Shepard to sip at her coffee as she watched Garrus over the top of her cup. Finally she lowered the mug and glanced over her shoulder, making sure that no one else was within earshot.
"Alright, go ahead," Shepard said.
"You're not telling us everything," Garrus stated.
Shepard watched him for a quiet moment, his stare was unwavering, "No, I'm not. Nor should I be expected to, some things are personal."
"Hmmm. But you're going to tell me," Garrus said.
"And why's that?" Shepard raised a brow.
"Because you want to," Garrus said.
"Says who?" Shepard asked.
Garrus took in another deep breath and opened his mouth to let the smells roll over his tongue, "Your scent."
"Ah ha! You have been sniffing me! What the hell, Garrus?" Shepard asked leaning forward.
"I… I have not been sniffing you," Garrus said.
"Yes you have. Now who's the liar?" Shepard asked.
Garrus chuffed but kept his eyes on Shepard.
"So, what else is my scent telling you, then?" Shepard asked.
The plates above Garrus' eye shifted, "Right now? That you've showered recently. You smell less like battle and more like that flowery stuff you use to wash yourself with," he paused to take in another deep breath, "That you're nervous. And based on your pheromone level…"
Shepard choked on her coffee, "Uh uh, stop right there, Vakarian. Alright, alright, I'll talk."
Garrus chuckled, his mandibles fluttering, "Good. That was going to be awkward."
"Going to be?" Shepard scoffed.
She sobered up and set the mug of dark liquid down gently on the table. She kept her eyes on the coffee and took comfort in the warmth seeping through the ceramic and into her palms.
"There have been other things," Shepard said quietly, "I… I haven't even told Dr. Chakwas about them."
Shepard glanced up to see Garrus still watching her intently, "I've been getting… flashes of things. Unrelated to the visions from the beacon."
Garrus leaned forward and clasped his hands atop the table, "Like what?"
"I think… I think of things that haven't happened yet but are going to happen, or at least might happen," Shepard said quietly.
Garrus remained quiet, giving her the time she needed to process her thoughts before she continued.
"There's an asari diplomat on the Citadel, Nassana Dantius," Shepard paused.
Garrus nodded, "I know of her."
"She contacted us awhile back, wanted me to meet her to discuss a business proposition. Before we made it back to the Citadel, I uncovered some disturbing intel at a slaver camp indicating that the leader was Nassana's sister. She had been blackmailing Nassana it would seem. Anyway, when I saw Nassana on the Citadel…," Shepard paused to rub her hands over her face and through her hair.
"I closed my eyes for just a second and I saw her being murdered. I saw it all in detail. It was like I was right there, standing in front of her in her office with people I've never even seen before but somehow I knew them. I knew them. And a tile in the ceiling shifts over, and this drell drops down to the floor and before Nassana can even finish her sentence the drell has killed her three guards and has a gun shoved against her stomach. He pulls the trigger and then… he kinda just lays her down against her desk. Crossed her arms over her chest… and then started praying," The words rushed out of her mouth and she let them, allowing the momentum of her speech keep her from changing her mind.
She felt relief wash over her after having shared this burden with someone, and yet that familiar fear of judgement, or being rejected slowly crept in to fill its place. She couldn't bring herself to look at Garrus. Couldn't bear to see that in his eyes. Look at him. Look. At. Him. He isn't rejecting you. Garrus would never reject you. Garrus remained quiet until Shepard slowly lifted her eyes to him.
"Hmmm. I can see why you keep telling yourself you're going crazy," Garrus said.
Shepard's jaw fell open and her eyes took on a wild look. Garrus' mandibles fluttered slightly.
"Hey, I'm not saying that I think you're crazy," he said starting to reach across the table but stopping half way, "I just get it now why you've been saying it. I think I'd feel the same way," he made a circular waving motion with his hand instead, "With all of this. But trust me, Shepard. All my years in C-Sec… I've seen crazy. You are not crazy."
Tears began to well up in Shepard's eyes and her shoulders started to tremble.
"Hey, no, no. Don't do that thing. I hate it when human's make water come out of their eyes. It's so weird. The asari do it too, spirits it's disturbing," Garrus said.
Shepard laughed but the tears continued to fall. She hid her face in the palms of her hands and heard Garrus move to sit beside her. She could feel his hesitation.
"Don't break my wrist for this, OK?" he asked before gently spreading his thick fingers out across her back.
When she didn't shirk his hand away or grab for his wrist, Garrus began to gently rub his palm across her shoulder blades.
"Am I doing this right?" Garrus asked.
Shepard snorted in between sobs but nodded her head. They sat like that for a few quiet moments until Shepard looked up and wiped the last of the tears from her face.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
Garrus scoffed, "Well you should be. Spirits woman, that flowery stuff reeks and now I'm going to smell like it, too."
Shepard's shoulders shook with laughter causing Garrus' hand to slide down her back until it was cupping her waist. Her heart fluttered and she grew very still. Garrus, on the other hand quickly pulled away. She felt oddly disappointed.
He cleared his throat, "Your, ah, your hair smells nice though."
"It's olive oil shampoo," Shepard mumbled as the heat swept up her face.
"Huh. Hmm. Very pleasant. I uh, I should get back down to the ah... the ah, cargo bay and fix up the Mako," he said as he removed his long limbs from beneath the table.
"Yeah, I should go, too. I've got reports and all… but, uh," Shepard paused and looked up at the swiftly retreating turian.
"Thank you, Garrus," she said.
He nodded at her, "Anytime, Shepard."
"Well that wasn't awkward," Joker's voice came over the comm.
"Joker!" Shepard said.
She heard him chuckle lightly before he closed the link. Shepard groaned to herself and buried her face in her hands again. She stood up and cleared away her tray, taking the plate that Garrus had left behind in his hurry to flee from her as well. She then made her way to the cockpit where she stood arms crossed and staring at the back of Joker's head. The pilot finally caved and turned to look at her.
"Alright, I'm sorry. I'll stop spying on you and your turian lover boy," Joker said.
Shepard flopped down in the empty co-pilot's chair, "He is not my turian lover boy. Will you stop it with that already?"
Joker raised his hands up in mock surrender, "If you say so, Commander."
She narrowed her eyes, "So how much of that did you hear, exactly?"
"Just enough to know that you're bat shit crazy and Garrus thinks you stink," Joker said with a smirk.
Shepard stood and started to walk away, "Screw you, Joker."
Joker's hand shot out and grabbed Shepard's wrist. She tensed up and turned to raise an eyebrow at her pilot, "Do you value that hand, Joker?"
He let go of her and said, "Look, I'm sorry. I don't do well with the whole interacting with other people thing. I didn't mean it, you know? And I'm not going to go ratting you out to Chakwas. Just sit back down, OK?"
Shepard slowly moved back to the chair and let herself sink down into the cushioned seat. She watched Joker quietly as his fingers swiped at the screen in front of him and he pushed a few buttons before turning his head to look at her.
"You've been coming up here pretty much every day since you took over. At first, I thought you were just checking up on me. You know, trying to make sure that I was really able to handle the Normandy despite my Vrolik's syndrome."
Shepard opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off with a raised hand.
"Ehh ehh ehh. Hold on, I'm not finished," Joker said.
Shepard raised an eyebrow but stayed quiet.
"But then I started to realize that most of the time you weren't watching me at all. Half the time I think you forget I'm even here. Hell, you've dozed off sitting over there a couple of times and don't think I didn't see the drool all over the chair," Joker said.
Shepard scowled, "I do not drool."
"Yeah, whatever. Keep telling yourself that but those cameras there don't lie," Joker said pointing to one of the many cameras in the cockpit. "Look, what I'm saying is, and maybe I'm wrong, but for whatever reason that seat has become a sanctuary of sorts for you. And I get it," he patted his own seat, "I feel the same when I'm sitting right here. I don't want to take that away from you, Commander. Besides, I think you might be the only one on this ship that doesn't think that I'm just some disembodied voice they hear over the comm. Kaidan hasn't been up here since Anderson left. Probably because he's too busy making puppy dog eyes at you. Ah, don't give me that look, everyone has seen it. So yeah, you just sit there and stare at those stars whenever you feel like it, alright?"
Shepard smiled, "Well, you got it half right."
"Oh yeah? What did I miss?" Joker asked.
"I'm crazy enough to actually enjoy your company," Shepard said with a smirk before turning her head to stare at the stars.