Author's Note- for clarification reasons, I made up that whole part about joining with the Voice. I have no idea how it's done. That being said…

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything you recognize. Those belong to the all mighty Tamora Pierce, who I am not. If I were Tamora Pierce, I wouldn't be here, would I? Anyway. I do, however, own Rose and the plot. And, anything you do not recognize. They belong to me.

Chapter 20

"Making plans just to stop the aching/Chasing thoughts from a million miles away/Hypnotized as another dawn is breaking/I rehearse the words I want to say." –Seven Days Without You, Teddy Geiger, UNDERAGE THINKING

Alanna was asleep. She was lying in a bed in the temple where they would leave the children, sound asleep. And she dreamed…

Jonathan sat by the side of a bed, tears sliding down his face. Alanna adjusted her view and saw that there was a very pale woman lying on the bed. She wasn't just very pale- she was deathly pale. Alanna swallowed hard.

Queen Lianne.

Someone placed a strong hand on Jonathan's shoulder. He looked up into his father's eyes that matched his own: sapphire, swollen, and red, with dark bags underneath. Both Jonathan and King Roald wore rumpled clothes. Roald sat beside his son and buried his face in Jonathan's tunic.

"I can't believe she's gone," the king sobbed. Jonathan was clearly surprised to see his father crying, but wrapped his arms around the man and drew him closer, the same way he had done so many times for Alanna.

"I wish Alanna were here," Jonathan whispered. "I wish she could be here with me."

I am here, Jonathan. Alanna thought. I'm right here. I can see it all. Oh, Great Mother, did you send this?

I did, my daughter. He would never tell you this himself, and you needed to see it. A woman's voice replied.

That's why he seemed so distracted during the Moment of the Voice. His mother was dead and he was grieving. Alanna realized. She recalled how earlier she had accused Jonathan of forgetting her, and how calm he had been. How could she be so insensitive?

Suddenly, she was being shaken awake. She opened her eyes and looked straight into the blue-green eyes of Liam.

"Time to get up and practice your fighting," he told her. Liam had been teaching Alanna and Rose how to fight like the Shang, and they got up early every morning to do so. Buri and Thayet had taken to joining them. Alanna rolled out of bed and dressed while Liam waited outside. Alanna walked into the yard they used, her mind obviously elsewhere.

"Are you all right?" Raoul asked later.

"Fine," Alanna replied distantly.

"No, ye're not. What's wrong, lass?" Coram asked.

"Nothing," Alanna replied, her violet eyes glazed.

"There's something wrong, Alanna. I can feel it," Rose said. "Now tell us." Alanna shook her head.

"I… I can't," she replied.

"Why?" her friends, including Thayet, Buri, and Liam, asked together.

"I don't know…" she responded, staring off into space. "I don't think I should."

"Is it Jonathan?" Rose asked. Alanna nodded slowly. "What? What about Jonathan?"

"Is it the queen?" Raoul asked quietly. Alanna hesitated a moment, then nodded again, very slowly. It was almost as if she had forgotten how to nod.

"Is she… dead, lass?" Coram prodded, keeping his voice quiet.

"Yes," Alanna replied, her eyes filling with tears. "She's dead. And I'm too far to comfort my betrothed!" Her tears were angry now, and her face heating with rage. "I was too foolish and wrapped up in getting out that I didn't see my mother-in-law-to-be was dying!" She slammed her hand against the wall. "What kind of healer am I? I could've saved her! I saved Jonathan and I could've saved her!" Alanna fell against the wall, sobbing loudly. "I could've saved her! I could've saved her!" She buried her face in her knees, still crying. Rose sat beside her and rubbed a comforting hand on her back. Raoul, Liam, Coram, and Buri, who weren't good at these emotional things, crept away.

"Is this about the queen or your mother, Alanna?" Rose asked. Alanna looked up and glared at Rose through her tears.

"Why would this be about my mother?" she demanded. Rose shrugged.

"Don't bite my head off. I was just wondering," Rose replied.

"What do you want to do?" Thayet asked, her voice gentle and soothing.

"I want to go home. I want to go back to Tortall," Alanna replied.

"We can't!" Rose exclaimed. "What about the Jewel? To bring glory and honor to Tortall? What would be a better way to honor the queen than to bring home something that would better her country?"

"We are going back, and it is final," Alanna said, getting to her feet. "We leave the day after tomorrow. You are invited to join us, Thayet. As are Liam and Buri." She walked away, head held high and eyes dry, though still red and swollen.

"She's mad," Rose said, shaking her head. "She's gone absolutely, positively mad."

"She just needs time," Thayet replied, keeping her hazel eyes focused on the direction Alanna had left in. "She'll realize what she's said and she'll come to her senses."

Author's Note- no, they are not leaving without the Jewel. And, yes, the queen really is dead. Will the king follow soon after? The offer to see what your lovely authoress looks like still stands, put it in your REVIEW.