Chapter 16: Foreknowledge Is Power
Shepard had hoped that Dr. Tulina's personal escapades into her mind would remove the need for the psych eval. Evidently she was sorely mistaken. The doctor was giving her the full works and Shepard was starting to think that if she ever had to look at another ink blot, somebody was going to lose some teeth.
After Dr. Tulina's emergency joining had ended, the buzzing in Shepard's brain returned with full force. It lowered in volume almost immediately after. Shepard wondered if the veil was somehow pissed off that it had been denied access to her mind for that short time. Either way, she was happy that it calmed down and had stayed relatively manageable throughout the rest of the morning. Shepard had taken Dr. Tulina's advice and was now talking to the veil, though only silently in her thoughts. She'd be damned if she let anyone hear her talking out loud to the voices in her head. Voices, plural. She might have only heard one voice in the dream, but she remembered all too clearly the sounds of countless voices during her joining with Liara. Now she just thought of them collectively as 'the veil'. She hadn't said much to it so far, mostly just told it that she knew it was there and if it could please try to talk a little quieter, she would work on trying to figure out how to hear it more clearly. If the level of buzzing was any indication, the veil seemed content with that.
"Why do we need to talk about Mindoir?" Shepard asked Dr. Tulina.
"Because, Commander, it was an incredibly traumatic event and those tend to stick with us throughout life. Especially when the trauma occurs when we are as young as you were on Mindoir," Dr. Tulina said.
"But I'm fine with it. Well, I'm not fine with it, obviously, but I mean I've dealt with it as much as anyone ever can. I spent years in therapy after watching my parents get slaughtered by the batarians. I passed the Alliance's psych eval when I signed up," Shepard said.
"I understand that, Commander, but with all due respect I have been informed of a recent event that took place on the Citadel in which you were called in to help talk down a woman with a gun, a woman that had been captured during the same raid on Mindoir. I was told that you had somewhat of an emotional break down on the Citadel shortly after," Dr. Tulina said.
"Ah," Shepard said.
"Ah?" Dr. Tulina repeated.
"That might have been a lie. Still, Liara shouldn't have told you that, it was a private moment," Shepard said.
"How was it a lie, Commander?" Dr. Tulina asked indulgently.
"I wasn't breaking down because of Talitha. I mean, yeah, it hurt like hell seeing her like that and I had a moment of guilt knowing that I escaped that same torture when she wasn't as lucky but I was upset about something completely different," said Shepard.
"What were you upset about, Commander?" Dr. Tulina asked.
For Shepard's privacy, Dr. Chakwas had agreed to allow the psych eval to take place in Shepard's cabin. Shepard was now sitting across from Dr. Tulina in much the same positions as she had from Liara that last time she was in there.
Shepard squirmed in her chair, "I saw something… unsettling. And I thought I was going crazy."
"What did you see, Commander?" Dr. Tulina pressed.
Shepard squirmed again and scratched at her head, "This is completely confidential, right? I mean, you can't even give Dr. Chakwas my specific answers to any of these questions, right?"
"This is something you don't want Dr. Chakwas to know?" Dr. Tulina asked.
"That's not an answer," Shepard narrowed her eyes.
"Very well. Yes, Commander. This is completely confidential and I cannot divulge your specific answers to anyone else without your explicit permission unless I deem your responses to be indicative that you are a threat to yourself or someone else," Dr. Tulina said.
"I haven't actually told this to Dr. Chakwas. I mean, I let her know that I had been getting flashes of things but I didn't give her specifics," Shepard said.
"Commander Shepard, you are avoiding answering the question," Dr. Tulina gently chided.
Shepard sighed, "I was in the middle of talking to an asari diplomat in a bar on the Citadel. Nassana Dantius. I won't go into the details of our conversation right now, they aren't important. Anyway, I closed my eyes for a second and suddenly it was like I was standing somewhere else."
Shepard leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees, "I was in an office somewhere with people I'm pretty sure I've never met in my life but somehow knew. Nassana was standing across from me behind a desk with armed mercs behind her. A tile in the ceiling slid over and a drell dropped into the room. He killed them all in a heartbeat. It was crazy the way he moved. Definitely a professional. So yeah, anyway, I was freaked out because one minute I was talking to Nassana on the Citadel, the next I was watching her be murdered in an office god knows where."
Dr. Tulina quietly typed on her datapad for a moment, "And did you try to warn Nassana that you thought her life might be in danger?"
Shepard scoffed, "You're joking, right?"
"Why would I be joking?" Dr. Tulina asked.
"What was I supposed to say? 'Oh hey, by the way, I know this sounds completely crazy but I just had a vision of you being murdered at some point in an office somewhere by a drell assassin.' Come on, doc, you can't be serious?" said Shepard.
Dr. Tulina moved on to her next question and Shepard sighed in frustration. She raked a hand through her hair and started pacing the room. Why do these things have to take so damn long, Shepard thought. At least she was able to actually pace without feeling like she was going to fall face first to the floor.
An hour later and they were finally done. Dr. Tulina stood and put a hand on Shepard's shoulder. Shepard looked at the other woman and raised an eyebrow.
"Thank you, Commander. Trust me; these evaluations are excruciatingly long for me as well. You did well, though. I will work on putting together the formal report today and have it submitted to your medical records for the Normandy by this evening. You have nothing to worry about. Well, at least from the psych eval," Dr. Tulina said giving Shepard's shoulder a squeeze.
Shepard breathed a sigh of relief, "Thanks, Dr. Tulina."
Shepard grudgingly made her way back to the med bay. She swore she was sleeping in her own bed tonight whether Dr. Chakwas liked it or not. She sat down in the chair next to the hospital bed and Dr. Chakwas frowned. Shepard pretended not to see as she picked up a datapad and began scrolling through her reports.
After the joining, when Dr. Tulina filled Dr. Chakwas in on what she had discovered, Dr. Chakwas had been very skeptical. She had insisted on performing more scans and tests right away but Dr. Tulina had convinced her to give Shepard some time to try to take control over the situation. Shepard was grateful for Dr. Tulina's interference, even if Dr. Chakwas was decidedly not. Dr. Chakwas wasn't going to forget so easily though and Shepard could see her opening her omni-tool for another scan now. Shepard sighed and set the datapad aside.
"Alright, doc, go ahead," Shepard said.
The doctor passed her omni-tool in front of Shepard several times, checking the screen after each pass. She clucked her tongue before finally closing the omni-tool. Shepard raised an eyebrow in silent question.
"I'm still not finding anything out of the ordinary, Commander. You'll be happy to know that the inflammation is mostly gone at this point, however. I believe you will be able to return to active duty in a few more days if you continue to progress at this pace," Dr. Chakwas said.
"A few more days?! You said I had to stay in here two more days when I woke up!" Shepard said.
"I said you could leave the bed after two days, I did not say you could go planet side and get shot at after two days, Commander," Dr. Chakwas said.
Shepard groaned, "Doc, you're killing me."
Dr. Chakwas chuckled, "Now you sound like Joker."
Shepard scrunched up her nose, "I'm going to go put on some real clothes and I'm sleeping in my own bed tonight."
Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow, "Very well, Commander. I can link your omni-tool to mine and watch your vitals from here. You must leave your door unlocked, however, so that I can get to you if needed."
Shepard grinned with the victory and stood up to leave. She heard Dr. Tulina's soft chuckle and turned to see the woman's back shaking with suppressed laughter. Shepard kind of liked Dr. Tulina, she might keep her around for a while. She left the med bay and headed straight for her cabin waving at Kaidan and Ashley along the way. Shepard noticed that Ashley had been spending a lot of her free time at Kaidan's station, and she had a lot of free time with Shepard being stuck in the med bay.
"Need help, Commander?" Ashley asked.
"Nope, I got this, Chief. Thanks," Shepard said.
In her cabin, Shepard didn't even wait until she had fresh clothes set out before stripping off the hospital gown and tossing it at her desk. She was bent over with her ass in the air digging through her footlocker when her cabin door slid open behind her.
"Oh, crap, sorry ma'am," Ashley's startled voice said.
Shepard jumped and turned around to see Ashley and Kaidan standing in her doorway. Ashley's hand was up covering Kaidan's eyes. Kaidan's face was beet red and Ashely was laughing. Shepard grabbed the sheet from her bed and wrapped it around herself before waving at Ashley to leave Kaidan be. Ashley dropped her hand but Kaidan kept his eyes on the ceiling.
"Sorry to bother you, ma'am," Ashley said, "But Joker just contacted us with a report of geth activity on the planet below."
"Damn it. OK, you two, suit up now," Shepard said.
"Commander, with all due respect ma'am, you should let one of us lead this one. Dr. Chakwas hasn't released you to active duty yet," Kaidan said his eyes finally flickering to look at Shepard before returning to the ceiling.
Shepard opened her omni-tool, she hated to pull this card but she was going down there. She needed to see if the things from her dream were true. She used her omni-tool to call Dr. Chakwas.
"What is it, Commander? Is everything alright?" Dr. Chakwas voice came through.
"Geth have been spotted on the ground. Spectre authority. I'm going down. You can lock me in the med bay when I get back," Shepard said.
Dr. Chakwas mouth formed a tight line, "Commander, I highly recommend against this course of action."
"Noted," Shepard said before ending the call.
She looked up at Kaidan and Ashley. Kaidan was frowning and she could feel the worry seeping off of him in waves. Ashley only smirked.
"Come on, LT, let's get suited up," Ashley said slapping the back of her hand against Kaidan's stomach.
He grunted in response and left with Ashely. The buzzing in Shepard's head began to grow louder so she sat down on the edge of her bed and tried to quiet her mind.
"What is it?" she asked the veil.
The buzzing lowered in volume but the intensity remained the same.
"… stupid… get yourself killed… not important… risk," the faint voice broke through the noise.
Shepard shifted around uneasily on the bed.
"Holy shit. This is really happening," Shepard whispered to the room.
The buzzing intensified, agitated by her response.
"OK, OK. Relax. I'm fine. It will be fine. I need to go, I need to see," Shepard said.
The veil didn't seem to like that too much as it continued to buzz loudly in her head. Shepard stood up and started getting dressed, doing her best to ignore the incoherent complaints. On her way out of her cabin she paused by the door to speak to the veil.
"I'm going, and that's final. If you're so concerned about my safety, then perhaps you should can it so I'm not distracted by your noise," Shepard barked to the empty room.
The buzzing grew louder for a second before settling down to a barely there whisper in her mind.
"Thank you," Shepard said.
Dr. Chakwas was waiting outside of Shepard's cabin with a frown on her face and a handful of patches. Shepard took the patches and tucked them into a pocket.
"I'll be fine, doc," Shepard said.
Dr. Chakwas scoffed before turning her back to Shepard and walking away. Shepard got her armor and weapons before meeting the others at the Mako. She agreed to let Kaidan drive and Ashley man the guns to placate Kaidan's concerns. They piled into the Mako and buckled in, prepared for the drop.
A few minutes later the cargo bay door opened and the Mako was being rolled to the edge. Those few seconds of freefall in the Mako were enough to make her question her own judgement as her head started to spin. When the Mako hit the ground, jostling her around she couldn't stop the groan that escaped her lips. Kaidan's eyes were locked on her when the Mako settled.
"I'm fine, let's go," Shepard said.
Kaidan frowned and checked the Mako's scanners.
Shepard leaned forward and studied the screen, tapping an unmarked location to the north.
"We're going there," Shepard said.
"Commander, the drone's signal is coming from there," Kaidan said pointing to the marked location on the map.
"Yeah, but the data module isn't there anymore. The monkeys stole it. It's in a mine somewhere up here," she said tapping the screen again.
Kaidan and Ashley were both quiet so Shepard looked up from the screen. Kaidan was looking at her like she was completely off her rocker. Shepard turned to look at Ashley who had an identical expression on her face. Her heart sank. She sat back in her seat and looked dead ahead.
"That's an order, Lieutenant," Shepard said firmly.
"Yes ma'am," Kaidan said before pushing the Mako forward.
The ride to the abandoned mine shaft was full of tense silence. Shepard refused to look at either of her teammates. She thought about trying to explain the veil to them, but she somehow knew that they would only take that as further proof that she had lost her mind. Perhaps she could have Dr. Tulina and Liara explain it to the crew. That idea didn't sit well with her so she pushed it aside for the time being. She wasn't really sure that she wanted everyone to know about the veil. It had been hard enough when she thought all of this was caused by the beacon. At least that was something they knew existed, something they had tangible evidence of. The only evidence of the veil was the word of two asari and Shepard's insistence that she was hearing voices in her head.
When the mineshaft loomed in the distance, Shepard felt Kaidan's eyes on her again. She didn't turn to meet his eyes. Kaidan pulled the Mako up to the ramp that led to the shaft, avoiding running over several small monkey-like creatures that were roaming around the area. Shepard unbuckled herself and hopped out before Kaidan could fumble his way around an apology, or ask any uncomfortable questions. Shepard was at the top of the ramp bypassing the lock on the shaft's door when Ashley and Kaidan met up with her.
"If one of these monkeys has the data module, how'd they get into a locked mine shaft?" Ashley asked.
"I don't know, Williams. But obviously someone locked the door behind them. My guess is that it was the geth, be ready," Shepard said.
The door slid open and with guns out the group made their way down the tunnel and into the cavernous room. Shepard walked past several more of the monkey creatures as she made her way to the doors at the back. She paused momentarily, before moving to the door on the right. It opened up to another tunnel leading down to another room. Shepard holstered her pistol and let her eyes roam over the handful of monkeys in the area. She took one hesitant step forward and felt the buzzing in her mind get a little louder. She felt… encouragement coming from the noise and so made her way purposely towards the monkey at the very back of the room.
Shepard bent down in front of the furry creature, "Come here you. You have something that doesn't belong to you."
She slid her hands under the monkey's arms, intent on picking it up but the creature squirmed and made a chirping sound. It dropped the data module on the floor of the cave and scampered away from Shepard.
"Well I'll be damned," Ashley said as Shepard picked up the data module and handed it to Kaidan.
She took her gun out again and said, "They're will be geth in the main room now."
Kaidan looked chagrined as he secured the data module but didn't speak. They turned and made their way back up the tunnel to face the geth. There was plenty of cover in the shaft; old abandoned crates littered the area. Shepard ducked behind the nearest one as the buzzing in her head replaced itself with that sixth sense she had called upon on Feros. Shepard anticipated the movements of the geth, avoiding their line of sight and dodging rockets as she moved from cover to cover. With each new position she took, more geth fell. Kaidan and Ashely stayed close to their Commander, their faith in her renewed but still concerned for her physical safety. Kaidan used his biotics to keep as many geth off of their feet as he could, and when one got a little too close for his comfort he would wrap it up in a Stasis until Shepard had moved to a safer location. Ashley kept her focus to the sides, picking off any of the geth that thought it wise to try to flank the team.
After a minute of constant gunfire, the room fell silent and the only sound Shepard could hear over her pounding head was her own labored breathing. She looked over the room, her eyes darting about checking and double checking that there were no more geth. When she was certain they were in the clear, she holstered her gun and made her way back towards the exit.
Once in the Mako again, Shepard dug out one of the patches Dr. Chakwas had given her, peeling the old one off she replaced it with a new one.
"Are you alright, Commander?" Kaidan asked.
"Yeah, head hurts but I think it's mostly from the echo of gunfire in the mine on top of whatever else is going on in there," she said pointing to her head.
"I'll call the Normandy for pickup," he said.
"No, wait. There is something else here I wanted to see," She leaned towards the map and studied the screen before pointing to the location of the prothean ruins.
She was glad Kaidan didn't argue, only started driving to the location she indicated. She let her head relax against the back of the seat and closed her eyes. The buzzing had returned, but was staying at a low level. Soon, the medication was doing its job and the throbbing began to ease. She looked up when the Mako rolled to a stop.
"What is that thing?" Ashley asked from the back.
Shepard studied the silver globe, "Prothean."
She opened the door of the Mako and hopped down to the mossy ground below. Ashley and Kaidan followed after her. Shepard was already digging around for the trinket that Shiala had given her back on the Citadel. It was a flat sheet of metal the size of a deck of cards with various shapes and lines cut out of it in some areas, and raised in others. She walked up to the globe and slid the trinket into the slot on the globe. A blinding flash of light sent Shepard staggering back.
Kaidan reached out for Shepard, catching her in his arms before she could hit the ground.
"Shepard! Commander, what's happening?" Kaidan yelled but Shepard did not respond.
"Lay her down, LT," Ashley instructed and Kaidan lowered Shepard to the stone floor beneath the orb.
"Shore party to Normandy, do you copy?" Kaidan said into his radio.
"Normandy here," Joker responded.
"You need to lock in on our location and get here on the double. The Commander has fainted again," Kaidan said.
"On our way, Normandy out," Joker said.
Shepard opened her eyes and started to push herself to her feet.
"No, Commander wait. You shouldn't move, you passed out," Ashley said.
"What the fuck was that?" Shepard asked rising to her feet despite Ashley's protests.
Kaidan hovered nearby ready to catch her again if she started to fall.
"I don't know, Commander. There was a flash of light and you just fell. LT caught you before you could hit the ground," Ashley said.
"No, not the light. The rest of that? You guys didn't see any of that?" Shepard asked confused.
"Sorry Commander, all we saw was a light and then you fell," Kaidan said. "I thought you were hurt again, so I called the Normandy for pickup."
Shepard could already see the Normandy flying towards them.
"Damn it, Dr. Chakwas is going to be all over my ass," Shepard groaned.
"What did you see, Commander?" Kaidan asked.
"I… I think it was the memory of a caveman – Cro-Magnon or whatever you call them – who was abducted and tagged by protheans. I don't know it was weird though, it wasn't just images like with the beacon. It was like I was the caveman, like I was living his life," Shepard turned to look back at the orb and pulled the metal plate back out of the slot.
The Normandy arrived and they got back in the Mako to be picked up. When the Mako was secure in the cargo bay, Shepard got out only to be met with a pissed off looking Dr. Chakwas and a very worried Liara. Shepard held her hands up in surrender.
"I'm fine, I swear, I'm fine. It was the prothean device doing its thing," Shepard said. "Go ahead, scan me."
Dr. Chakwas opened her omni-tool and scanned Shepard right there in the cargo bay. Garrus stood by watching with amusement and Shepard smiled at him. His mouth shifted into a turian smile, his mandibles fluttering with inaudible laughter.
"Shepard, did you say prothean device?" Liara asked all traces of worry replaced with curiosity.
"Yeah, here, you keep this. I'll tell you all about it when the doc is done convincing herself I'm not dying," Shepard said handing Liara the trinket.
Dr. Chakwas scoffed, "You're fine. The inflammation levels are the same. Your heart rate is a little high but its dropping."
"See? Nothing to worry about," Shepard said with a grin.
Liara twirled the metal plate around in her hands, running her fingers over the ridges and grooves. Shepard was reminded of what Dr. Tulina said about Liara's fondness for Shepard and knew that she was going to have to talk to Liara in private sometime very soon.
"Still, Commander, I want you back in the med bay once you're out of that armor," Dr. Chakwas said.
Shepard only responded with another grin. Dr. Chakwas turned and walked away. Liara followed at Shepard's side as she made her way up to her locker. Shepard recounted the strange event from the prothean device as they went, answering Liara's questions and providing her with as much detail as she could.
"I do not know anything about human evolution, what time period would you say you were in?" Liara asked.
Shepard scrunched up her nose as she stuffed her armor into the locker, "Liara, I honestly haven't a clue. I'm a solider, that's not really my field of expertise. I tell you what, do some research on human evolution and when Dr. Chakwas says that it's safe, I'll let you go digging around up there to see it all for yourself, OK?"
"Oh, no, Shepard," Liara took a step back and shook her head, "I do not think that is a very good idea. After what happened to you –."
Shepard cut her off by putting a hand on either shoulder. Liara looked up into Shepard's eyes.
"Liara, that was not your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself for that," Shepard said firmly.
"But Commander, I –," Liara started to say.
"But nothing. It wasn't your fault. Period. Dr. Tulina agrees and even Dr. Chakwas doesn't think that it was the joining," Shepard said letting her hands drop to her sides. "Look, Dr. Tulina told me that this thing… this veil… she said that she doesn't think that anyone other than an asari – anyone other than you, ever would have been able to find it. I wouldn't even know it was there if it weren't for you."
"Perhaps not but if it had been an older asari, one more experienced, then perhaps…" Liara trailed off when she saw Shepard's reproachful look.
"Come on let's go to your office. We need to talk," Shepard said.
Shepard led Liara through the med bay and towards her office door. Dr. Chakwas started to say something but Dr. Tulina reached out and placed a hand on Dr. Chakwas' shoulder. Dr. Chakwas turned her head to Dr. Tulina and Dr. Tulina shook her head slightly before whispering something in the other woman's ear.
"I see," Dr. Chakwas said before turning back to her desk.
In Liara's office, Shepard leaned against the wall next to the door. Liara laid the metal plate Shepard had given her carefully down on a shelf before slowly turning to face Shepard.
"Liara, I think that I may have been overlooking something important. Something that had I realized before now… I want you to know that I wouldn't have just brushed your feelings aside," Shepard began hesitantly.
Liara's face began to take on a purple hue and she suddenly became very interested in her own hands. Shepard rubbed her forehead.
"Gods I suck at this. What I'm trying to say is... it has been brought to my attention that you might have… feelings for me that maybe go beyond friendship?" Shepard paused realizing that it sounded more like a question than a statement.
Liara wasn't denying it though, so Shepard continued hoping that she wasn't making a complete ass out of herself, "If I had known, I would have talked to you about this sooner. The last thing I want is to cause you or anyone else on this ship any kind of pain."
"Shepard, stop. You do not have to do this. I already know that what I feel is not reciprocated. I could feel that it was not there when we were joined. I know where your heart is leading you, and you need make no apologies for what you do or do not feel," Liara said still studying her hands.
"I – I don't know what you mean about where my heart is leading me, but –," Shepard started.
"It's Garrus," Liara whispered.
"What?" Shepard asked almost afraid to hear the answer again.
"Your heart, it is leading you to Garrus. I had thought for a brief time that Kaidan's obvious interest in you was going to win your heart, but then I heard that you turned him away. Then I had hoped… I thought that it might just be possible… I mean you seemed to really enjoy spending time with me," Liara said.
"I do enjoy spending time with you, Liara!" Shepard insisted.
Liara continued on as if Shepard hadn't spoken at all, "Then there was the confusion over Joker's ship wide announcement."
"He was just giving me a hard time," Shepard said.
"Then, I joined with you again to search out the veil and while your attempts to quiet your mind were admirable, there were things that leaked through," Liara said finally looking at Shepard with damp eyes. "Not just thoughts, but emotional responses to those thoughts. Some of them I admit were confusing to me, but there was one about Garrus that needed no explanation. It was a memory of him whispering in your ear, and the way your heart fluttered at the feeling of his breath on your skin."
"Liara, I – I'm not sure what it is that I feel for Garrus. Or why I even feel anything at all for him. I'm not going to try to lie to you and say that there isn't something there, but whatever it is, it's got no impact on what I do feel for you," Shepard said.
Liara swiped at the tears that had started to fall down her face.
"Liara, to put it as simply as I can, I think you are absolutely beautiful and it would be the worst kind of lie to tell you that I haven't given it thought," Shepard let the words rush out of her, "I just know that I'm in a terrible place right now; there is way too much crazy going on inside my head with the beacon and this veil thing – whatever the fuck it is, and this hunt to try to stop a mad man who is hell bent on bringing about a damn apocalypse… I'm barely holding it together, Liara. I can't imagine trying to be anything for anyone else – even Garrus – right now beyond Commander and friend."
Liara smiled and wiped at more tears, "You think I am beautiful?"
"I do," Shepard returned the smile.
"Shall I make an announcement to the crew?" Liara asked with a chuckle.
Shepard laughed and was glad to see it didn't hurt anymore to do so, "Come on now, that might make Joker jealous."
Shepard crossed the distance to stand in front of Liara, "You are very special to me, Liara. I don't know how I managed to win the heart of someone as amazing as you, and just as it did with Kaidan; it breaks a little piece of mine to know that it isn't something I can give back to you."
Liara sniffled, "I know Shepard. I felt that in the joining, too. You took comfort in the feel of your hands in mine, and that brings me peace."
Shepard smiled and opened her arms in offering of a hug. Liara stepped into the embrace and wrapped her arms around Shepard. They held each other close for a quiet moment before Liara spoke up again, her words muffled against Shepard's shoulder.
"There is one thing that I have been terribly confused about, if you would not mind providing some clarification?" Liara asked her natural inquisitive nature taking over again.
"What's that?" Shepard asked letting go of the asari so she could look at her face.
"There was an image in your mind, of Kaidan shifting into Ashley and then back again," Liara said.
"I'm not really sure what that one means, either, to be honest. I've been having these strange dreams and flashes of things while I'm awake. Courtesy of the veil if Dr. Tulina is correct," Shepard leaned against Liara's desk. "Awhile back I was talking to Kaidan and I closed my eyes for a second, when I did I got these flashes in my mind. In the vision, it was Kaidan and then suddenly it was Ashley. It switched back and forth like that a couple of times. We were in the exact same place, and they were saying the same thing. I have no clue what it meant, other than they were certainly not happy with me."
The buzzing picked up in Shepard's head again and she silently asked, "What is it?"
"… dies… choose…" the voice said.
"How fascinating. With whom did the original conversation take place?" Liara asked.
"What? Who dies? Choose what?" Shepard silently asked, now oblivious to Liara's question.
"… Virmire… choice…one of them…" the voice whispered in Shepard's mind.
"Commander?" Liara sounded worried.
Shepard snapped her eyes to Liara, "What? Sorry, I have to… I should go… the veil… I'll explain later!"
Shepard ran out of Liara's office and skid to a stop in front of Dr. Tulina.
"Commander! You are still recovering, I insist that you –," Dr. Chakwas started to say.
"Dr. Tulina, I might need you. Now!" Shepard barked, cutting Dr. Chakwas off.
Shepard didn't wait to see if the asari was following her or not before leaving the med bay and running to her cabin. She slammed her hand on the panel and the door slid open. Shepard rushed inside and started pacing.
"Who is going to die? How?" Shepard demanded of the veil, not bothering to keep her words silent.
Dr. Tulina entered the cabin just then and stood watching as Shepard paced furiously.
"... Alenko … Williams… only save one…" the whispering cut in and out of the buzzing sound.
"Why? Why can I only save one?" Shepard barked.
"… separate… no time…" said the voice.
"I don't understand!" Shepard yelled.
"Commander. Commander, Shepard," Dr. Tulina demanded Shepard's attention.
Shepard stopped to look at Dr. Tulina, Shepard's fear and helplessness was nearly palpable.
"Commander, try asking the veil to show you instead. That has been easier in the past, no?" Dr. Tulina suggested.
Shepard didn't have to ask, the scene was already unfolding before her eyes. Shepard threw a hand out to steady herself and Dr. Tulina grabbed Shepard, wrapping an arm around her waist.
She was standing on a beach on Virmire, Ashley and Kaidan at her back. A salarian stood in front of her, Major Kirrahe, he was outlining a plan of attack and asked for Shepard to send one of her team along with him.
"We'll need someone who knows Alliance communication protocols," Shepard said.
"I volunteer, Commander," Kaidan said.
"Not so fast, LT. Commander Shepard will need you to arm the nuke. I'll go with the salarians," Ashley said.
"With all due respect, Gunnery Chief, it's not your place to decide," Kaidan said.
"Why is it that whenever someone says 'with all due respect' they really mean 'kiss my ass'?" Ashley said.
"Williams, you'll accompany the captain. No heroics, understood?" Shepard said.
The vision blackened and when it resumed, Shepard's perspective had shifted upwards as if she were taller now.
"Alenko, you're with the captain. Keep it simple, understood?" Shepard said with a man's voice.
She was somewhere else now. Shepard was standing in water up to her knees watching as Kaidan and the others unloaded the bomb.
"Bomb is in position, we're all set here," Kaidan was speaking into the comm.
Ashley's voice cut through, "Commander, can you read me?"
"The nuke is almost ready. Get to the rendezvous point, Williams!" Shepard said.
"Negative, Commander. The geth have us pinned down on the AA tower. We've taken heavy casualties," Ashley responded. "We'll never make the rendezvous point in time."
"Get them out of there, Joker. Now!" Shepard ordered.
"Negative! It's too hot! Can't risk it. We'll hold them off as long as we –," Ashley said.
"It's OK, Commander. I need a couple of minutes to finish arming the bomb. Go get them and meet me back here," Kaidan said.
"Up to the AA tower. Move!" Shepard ordered to her team.
Shepard ran for the door with Tali and Garrus at her side. There were two krogan waiting on the other side. They fought their way through the krogan and got back in the elevator. On the walkways, a geth ship flew overhead towards the bomb site.
"Reinforcements, we'd better hurry," Garrus said.
"Heads up, LT. We just spotted a troop ship headed to your location." Ashley's voice came through the comm.
"It's already here. There's geth pouring out all over the bomb site," Kaidan responded.
"Can you hold them off?" Shepard asked.
"There's too many. I don't think we can survive until you get here," Kaidan said. "I'm activating the bomb."
"Alenko, what are you doing?" Shepard asked, torn between returning to Kaidan and finding Ashley.
"I'm just making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what," Kaidan said. "It's done, Commander. Go get Williams and get the hell out of here."
"Screw that! We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko," said Ashley.
"Alenko, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site," Shepard said.
"Yes, Commander. I…," Kaidan said.
"You know it's the right choice, LT," Ashley said.
"I'm sorry, Ash. I had to make a choice," said Shepard.
"I understand, Commander. I don't regret a thing," Ashley's proud voice said with conviction.
There was another shift in the scene; Shepard was once again a male.
"Williams, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the AA tower," Shepard said.
"Yes, Commander. I…" Ashley said.
"It's the right choice and you know it, Ash," Kaidan said.
"I'm sorry, Kaidan. I had to make a choice," Shepard said.
"I understand, Commander. I don't regret a thing," Kaidan said with a hint of sorrow and unyielding compassion.
Shepard's eyes snapped open and she found that she was kneeling on the floor, sobbing in Dr. Tulina's arms.
"Commander Shepard, can you tell me what happened?" Dr. Tulina's soft voice spoke next to Shepard's ear.
"One of them will die. I'm going to have to choose which one I let die," Shepard sobbed.
"Who will die, Commander?" Dr. Tulina asked.
"Ashley or Kaidan. On Virmire. One of them will die and I'm going to be forced to choose which one," Shepard said.
"Show me, Commander?" Dr. Tulina asked.
Shepard nodded her head and took a deep breath. She felt Dr. Tulina's mind brush up against hers and then they were together in the quiet nothingness once more. Shepard didn't wait to be asked before letting the memory play through around them. Dr. Tulina stood beside Shepard in silence taking it all in. When the memory was over, Dr. Tulina released the connection to Shepard's mind.
"Why are you so certain that this will happen?" Dr. Tulina asked.
"It hasn't been wrong yet. Everything else… Eletania just a while ago. It was all the same," Shepard said.
"Was it? I overheard Kaidan just a few minutes ago telling Garrus how you went straight for the mine. You didn't even stop to check the drone, and he made no mention of you checking at the other monkey colonies. I seem to recall, in your dream, you stopped by each of the colonies, did you not?" Dr. Tulina said.
"Well… yeah… but that was only because I had the dream, I knew were the data module was going to be. I didn't need to go to the drone or the monkey colonies," Shepard said.
"And now, you have this vision," Dr. Tulina said simply.
Shepard stared at her wordlessly.
"You made changes based on the foreknowledge the dream provided you. Why do you think you cannot do the same with the foreknowledge this vision has provided you?" Dr. Tulina said.
Shepard sniffled once more and looked at Dr. Tulina, "My gods, I'm so dense."
Dr. Tulina chuckled, "Not at all, Commander. I think that what you are dealing with and how well you are dealing with it all shows just how remarkably intelligent you really are."
Shepard pulled herself to her feet, "I can't tell them this. I can't tell the others what I saw. That would be… that's just too much to lay on them, isn't it?"
Dr. Tulina rose gracefully and clasped her hands in front of her, "Commander, I cannot tell you what to do, but I would encourage you to think about this for a while before you decide how to proceed."
"Of course. Thank you, Dr. Tulina," Shepard said.
"Forgive me for saying, but this is truly the most astounding thing I have ever encountered in my life. I do not know if even I would believe any of it if I had not the privilege of seeing it for myself. Thank you, Commander, for entrusting me with this," Dr. Tulina said before bowing her head to Shepard. "I shall leave you to your thoughts."