A/N: I didn't get many votes on the poll and I didn't want to delay posting; the majority was leaning towards keeping it in this thread. So, with out further ado, the second part of 'The Lives and Deaths of Commander Shepard'.
Resurrection
Prologue: I Know That Now
"Shepard, don't do this. Please, there's still time we can find another way," Garrus clung to Shepard, his forehead pressed into hers.
"There is no other way, Garrus. We tried. This is the only guarantee," Shepard said.
"What if she's wrong? What if too much has already changed and you just… stay dead?" Garrus pleaded.
Shepard closed her eyes. She had already considered this possibility. She couldn't bear to tell Garrus that if she did just stay dead it would be a mercy for her and for Jane. For all of the Shepards trapped inside of her.
"If that happens, Garrus, you have to promise me that you will continue this fight without me," Shepard said resolutely.
"How am I going to do that, Shepard? If they won't listen to you, they're not going to listen to me," he said.
"I have faith in you, Garrus," Shepard nudged her hand beneath his chin to get him to look at her.
When he did, she pressed her lips to his. He dragged the kiss out for as long as he could. Shepard knew that he was afraid it would be the last they would ever share. Her heart was breaking. She was facing death and her heart was breaking for the pain it was going to cause the man she loved.
"Listen to me, Garrus. I need you to know some things for when I'm gone," Shepard said.
"I'm listening, Shepard," Garrus said.
"I don't know everything but I know the other times you ended up on Omega. You go vigilante. I'm not telling you not to, you do good work. You put together a team, but you piss off all of the mercs on Omega. They forced one of your men, a turian called Sidonis to turn on you; everyone on your team gets killed," Shepard said.
"Why are you telling me this, Shepard?" Garrus asked holding her hands in his.
"Because… it tears you up, Garrus. When I find you again, on Omega you're not the same. Who would be?" Shepard said.
"I don't want to talk about this, Shepard. You're about to willingly send yourself to die… Spirits and you're wasting your last moments trying to save me from future pain? What about the pain I'm in right now, Shepard? What about the pain I'm going to be in when I'm in that escape pod and you're not?" Garrus said.
"I'm sorry, Garrus," was all she could say.
Alarms blared throughout the Normandy.
"It's time," Shepard said.
Garrus steeled himself and let Shepard go, moving to make sure that everyone else on board made it to the escape pods. He had promised her that he would help and that he would get into one of the pods himself, no matter what. She thought he hated her just a little for asking that of him. Asking him to not spend every last second with her that he could. To not die with her.
Shepard could feel the Normandy trying to outmaneuver the collector ship. She was having trouble keeping her footing. Many people were stumbling and falling around her. She could feel it when the first attack ripped through the ship. She made her way to the comm and slammed her hand down on the button.
"Everyone, this is your commander speaking. Prepare for evacuation. Now!" Shepard yelled.
Those in the CIC turned to stare at her with horror stricken faces before they rushed for the escape pods. The collector's beams seared through the Normandy again and again. Joker was still maneuvering the Normandy, trying to get away from the ship. Shepard closed her eyes and listened to the panic around her. She picked up a fire extinguisher and made her way to the distress beacon before hitting the comm again.
"Joker! It's time to go. Get your ass to the pods. Do not make me come and get you," Shepard yelled.
Liara ran through the ship towards Shepard. Shepard was trying to force the fires back enough so that everyone had a clear path to evacuate.
"Commander… I… yes ma'am," Joker said.
"Commander! Shepard is this it? Oh Goddess! Shepard is this it?" Liara said with tears already in her eyes.
"Be strong for me, Liara. I need you. Everyone needs you," Shepard said.
"Shepard I… I do not know if I can do this. Oh Goddess. Shepard, please, just get into an escape pod. Please?" Liara plead.
Shepard wrapped her arms around Liara and kissed her on the forehead.
"I'm sorry, Liara. Now go!" Shepard said gently pushing the other woman away.
Liara took a few steps backwards, stumbling she finally turned and ran for the escape pods. Shepard got the beacon launched and made her way towards the pods. She wanted to make sure everyone was inside. She stepped over those who had already died; there would be time to mourn them later. The galaxy depended on this. She depended on this.
Jane was buzzing frantically in her head, but Shepard couldn't make out a word she was saying right now. It was too loud on the ship, too much was going on. Shepard was too numb. She saw Joker moving slowly towards the escape shuttles. The shuttles were already blasting off into space. The ship groaned and shook. Joker started to stumble. Shepard raced to his side to help him.
"No! Commander, go! Get out of here! You can't die because of me, go!" Joker yelled at her.
"No, Joker. This is the way it needs to be now come on," Shepard yelled back.
He reluctantly let her pull him to the escape pod. Shepard knew that he realized resisting her would only result in both of their deaths. Shepard got him inside the shuttle next to Garrus and lowered the safety bar over his head. Her eyes lifted to meet Garrus and pain ripped through her chest when he turned away from her. She understood though, she wasn't just killing herself right now. She was killing him. Shepard stepped back out of the pod and went to the external release hatch.
"Commander? What are you doing, come on, we have to go!" Joker yelled at her.
He must have seen the look on her face through her breather helmet because he started to yank and pull at his safety bar. Garrus pinned his hands down. Joker turned to look at the turian with bewildered confusion.
"What are you doing, let go, I have to get her. What is she doing?" Joker's head spun back to look at Shepard. "What are you doing?"
"I'm sorry, Joker. This is the way it has to be. I know that now," Shepard said before slamming her hand down on the external release.
Joker screamed her name as the door slid closed. Garrus met her gaze, his eyes looked hollow. The pod shot away and into space as a tear broke free and slid down Shepard's face. Shepard stood perfectly still watching as everyone else flew off into the distance. Everyone on the Normandy was either gone now, or dead except for her. The collectors beam ripped through the ship again, debris went flying around the ship, slamming into her. She remained standing until finally the ship gave way, breaking in to and Shepard was pulled out into space.
The survival instinct was too strong to resist. When the air began leaking out of her suit, Shepard couldn't help the panic that rose up inside of her. She couldn't help but to scratch and claw at the tubes connecting her helmet to her suit, trying to find the leak so she could stop it even if just for a few seconds. The buzzing in Shepard's head reached an all-time high, adding to the throbbing caused by asphyxiation before Jane suddenly broke through.
"Dawn! Oh gods, I hate this part. I hate this part so much. Dawn I'm so sorry. It'll be over soon. Oh gods, it's like I can feel it myself. I – I – I feel like I can't breathe! What's going on why is this happening? This, oh gods, this has never happened before," Jane began to panic.
Shepard couldn't think of a response, she was dying. She couldn't breathe and her consciousness was slowly fading away. But she could hear Jane louder and stronger than she ever could before. She could feel Jane's panic echoing her own. She could see Jane's memories rush before her with an ease that never existed before. Jane was Dawn and Dawn was Jane. They were one.
"No, no, no, no. I can't. Oh gods. Oh gods. I – I – I can't breathe. Oh gods, what's happening? How can I be dying? This doesn't happen," Jane's yelling was the last thing Shepard was conscious of.