The Lives and Deaths of Commander Shepard

by MosaicCreme

The essence that is Commander Shepard has fought the battle against the Reapers more times than she can count, only to find herself right back where it all started. Never the exact same body, never the same first name or history. The disembodied voice struggles to break her way through to the consciousness of her current incarnation, trying to find a way to break her own cycle.

32. Chapter 9: For The Best

Chapter 9: For The Best

"Why are we going to Gellix, Commander? There hasn't been anything about Gellix in any of the mission files," Miranda asked.

"Consider this one a personal mission," Shepard said.

"Personal?" Jacob asked from his seat next to Miranda.

They were in the shuttle headed towards the Cerberus facility. Shepard had insisted that Jacob and Miranda be the ones to go, and be the only ones to go to Gellix. Garrus didn't understand her reasons, but acquiesced when she insisted. He hadn't wanted to leave her side for long since Mordin cut her head open and fished out those control chips.

"I received a message awhile back from a woman I know named Talitha. She said she was in a 'special school' and that the doctors said she was getting better. I did some research after something she said struck a chord. It's a Cerberus facility," Shepard said holding up a hand. "I don't want to argue about Cerberus, I just want to make sure that Talitha is alright. She's important to me. She was abducted during the raids on Mindoir and was in really bad shape when the Alliance found her a few years ago."

"That's why you wanted Miranda and me to come for this one. I heard you telling Garrus that you just wanted us two. Because it's Cerberus, right?" Jacob asked glancing at Miranda.

"In part. I wanted Miranda mostly for her understanding of Cerberus and because she'll be able to get us into the facility if they give me any trouble. I wanted you because you're human, and have a soothing personality," Shepard said with a grin.

"Uh, um, thanks. I think," Jacob said.

"It's a compliment, Jacob. Talitha was seriously screwed up by the batarians. Obviously I couldn't bring Grundan Krul, but I didn't want to introduce anyone non-human until I know her current state of mind. I know I haven't been in to talk to you much, but I've got a pretty good feel on your personality, Jacob. Especially with the way you responded to me when I woke up on that slab. You're good people. If Talitha is in trouble, she needs good people to help her," Shepard said.

Jacob smiled and said, "So you brought me to play therapist because Chambers isn't field material?"

"Something like that," Shepard said with a chuckle.

"I can do that," Jacob said with a nod.

"Do we know what this cell does, Commander?" Miranda asked.

"They indoctrinate people, Miranda because that's the kind of shit Cerberus does," Jane said.

"I guess we'll just have to see," Shepard said meeting Miranda's gaze.

"We're landing," Jacob said looking towards the driver's seat.

The shuttle settled down on the snowy landing pad of the Cerberus facility hidden away in the mountains. Guards – Cerberus Commandos – approached the shuttle; they were armed but hadn't drawn their weapons. The shuttle was clearly marked as Cerberus so Shepard didn't anticipate too much trouble getting in. Getting back out, on the other hand, could be problematic. Shepard slid the shuttles door open and stepped out onto the landing pad. Miranda and Jacob were right behind her.

"We weren't told to expect anyone new?" one of the guards said.

"We're not joining your cell, we're here for a visit," Miranda said.

"A visit? What like an inspection or something?" the other guard asked.

"No, nothing like that. We just need to see someone here, is all," Jacob said.

The guards turned to look at Jacob before asking, "Well, who are you here to see?"

"A friend of mine. Her name is Talitha," Shepard said.

"Talitha? I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're going to have to clear this first," the first guard said stepping away from Shepard's group to talk into his mic.

Shepard glanced at Miranda. She nodded to Shepard in response.

"Authorization code: Alpha 4359654. Project leader Miranda Lawson. Now let us in, you buffoon. It's cold out here," Miranda said.

"Remember that, you hear me? Authorization code: Alpha 4359654. Authorization code: Alpha 4359654. Authorization code: Alpha 4359654. Don't forget it, we've never gotten it before we can use this," Jane said.

"I got it," Shepard thought.

"Yes, of course, sorry Ms. Lawson. Henry, they're good, let them in," the second guard said.

The first guard, Henry, turned back to his partner and nodded. The two guards led them down the stairs and towards the facility. They passed two more guards at the next set of stairs, and another two stood at the main entrance. Jane's memories of rescuing Jacob and his team of ex-Cerberus scientists from this location ran through her mind. Her eyes lifted to the satellite and AA tower on the facility's roof.

Their escorts stopped to talk to the two guards at the main entrance. The guards nodded their heads and stepped aside while the massive doors slid apart, opening the facility to them. Shepard followed the guards leading her into the facility and glanced around. Escape shuttles sat directly in a trench directly in front of her with more hanging from cranes above and filling the recess to the right, stairs to the left led up to another door.

The guards led Shepard and her team up the stairs and presented them to a man in a lab coat working at a terminal just outside of the door.

"Dr. Weiss, this is Project leader Miranda Lawson. They say that they've come to visit Talitha," the guard said.

The man looked up from his terminal and eyed Miranda speculatively before flicking his gaze to Jacob and finally Shepard.

"Talitha?" Dr. Weiss asked.

"Why do they keep sounding surprised to hear that you want to see Talitha? That can't be a good sign," Jane said.

"Yeah, I got that," Shepard thought.

"Yes sir. She had an Alpha authorization code," the guard said.

"I see. Thank you, Jerome. You two can return to your post," Dr. Weiss said.

"Yes sir," Jerome said before he and Henry walked back down the stairs.

"May I ask why it is you wish to see Talitha?" Dr. Weiss asked Miranda.

"I want to check on her progress, that's all you need to know," Miranda said.

"I see, very well. I'll have someone take you to her," Dr. Weiss said.

He passed through the door, leading the group in and up another flight of stairs. Two more men in lab coats worked at nearby terminals. They didn't even bother to glance Shepard's way. The door at the top opened for Dr. Weiss revealing two more armed guards. The guards turned to look at the doctor, halting him to question who Shepard, Miranda, and Jacob were. Shepard stood to the back, letting Miranda take the lead as much as possible.

"They're here to see Talitha," Dr. Weiss said before turning to look at Miranda. "I'm sorry, what was your authorization code?"

"Authorization code: Alpha 4359654. Project leader Miranda Lawson," Miranda rattled off.

"Right. Take them to Dr. Logan," Dr. Weiss said.

"Yes sir," one of the guards said before waving at Miranda to follow.

He led them up another flight of stairs. Men and women in pristine white lab coats bearing the Cerberus logo moved up and down the stairs past them. At the top of the stairs, more doctors and scientists worked at terminals. Shepard had counted fifteen so far, they didn't appear to be armed but that didn't mean they weren't dangerous. Shepard raised a fist to her mouth and coughed once.

"I'm in position. Ready for your signal," Kasumi's voice whispered through Shepard's headset.

The guard wove his way through the people in white coats until he came to a stop at the main controls console in front of the windows overlooking the facility grounds. He whispered to a woman in a lab coat who turned to look at the three of them. Shepard forced a smile on her face when the woman's eyes met hers. She turned away from the console and crossed the few feet between Miranda and herself.

"I'm Dr. Logan. I've been told you have an Alpha authorization code and wish to see Talitha? Talitha is still in a delicate state, Ms. Lawson. Might I ask what exactly this visit is for?" Dr. Logan said.

Shepard's shoulders tensed. She took in the smaller woman's frame, noting the slight limp she had when she walked. Her left leg was a weak point, and by Shepard's judgement it was her knee that caused the limp. She wore her blond hair up in a tight bun, which was good Shepard thought, it would be easier to put her in a chokehold without her hair making it difficult to get a grip. Miranda sighed and looked at her fingernails before answering the woman.

"As I've already told your guards, I'm here to check on her progress. Is there a problem? Should I call the Illusive Man?" Miranda asked.

"No, of course not. That won't be necessary. Right this way, please," Dr. Logan said.

Shepard relaxed and followed the doctor as she led them to the room she remembered talking to Jacob in when he was having his gunshot examined. Several beds filled the floor, on each bed a person lay strapped down. Wires and tubes running through their skin and into their bodies. Plastic bits shoved into their mouth to keep them from clenching their teeth.

"Oh gods. Is that in us? Is that what she put in us? Oh gods," Jane said, that old familiar panic starting to set in again.

"I don't think that's what inside of me, Jane. Calm down," Shepard thought.

Jacob stopped in his tracks causing Shepard to nearly run into his back.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" Jacob asked.

Dr. Logan turned to look at Jacob and said, "I'm sorry Mr…."

"Jacob Taylor," he said.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Taylor but you know that I cannot divulge that information. Talitha is right this way," Dr. Logan said.

She turned back around and crossed the room to a door at the back. Shepard searched Jane's memories.

"It wasn't there before. Well, at least I didn't see it. There was something else here… shelves. They must have been blocking this door," Jane said.

Dr. Logan opened the door with an access card and took them into a small room. Talitha sat at a table staring at the wall in front of her. Her hair had grown out significantly over the last few years but scars still showed on her exposed skin.

"Talitha, you have visitors," Dr. Logan said.

Talitha turned her head to look at Shepard and a smile lit up her face. Shepard had to fight back the rage that flooded her system, echoing back to her from Jane, when she saw the right side of Talitha's face. Orange glowing scars, much like the ones that Shepard woke up with crisscrossed the skin. A metal plate formed a crescent around her eye before swooping over her temple and expanding out into a spider web like lattice over the right side of her head. The right eye itself glowed blue, much like the Illusive Man's.

"Gods what did they do to her? They cut her open and put things inside of her! Look, look at her scars and that eye. Did she feel it, did they hurt her? Cutting and drilling? Did she feel it?" Jane asked teetering on the edge once more.

"They probably put her out for it, Jane. They didn't mean for you to feel what they did to me, they didn't know about you… didn't understand," Shepard said.

"Are you defending them? Are you seriously fucking defending Cerberus?" Jane snarled.

"No, Jane. You know that I'm not. I wouldn't. I'm just trying to be rational here, you're losing your grip," Shepard thought.

"I'm not losing my grip. This is insane. I'm not insane. This entire fucking thing is insane. Look at her!" Jane raged.

"I am. Gods, I am," Shepard thought.

"Talitha, it's been far too long," Shepard said.

"Signal received. Going silent," Kasumi's voice whispered in Shepard's ear.

"Shepard? You came to see me?" Talitha asked.

"I need to see her charts," Miranda said.

"Yeah, Talitha. I got your message. Miranda here needs to check on your progress but I thought I'd come along to see you," Shepard said.

Dr. Logan frowned and handed Miranda a datapad. Miranda ran her fingers over the screen, her eyes darted back and forth as she rapidly absorbed the information that it contained. Shepard moved to sit in the chair next to Talitha. Jacob crossed his arms; his mouth formed a tight line at the sight of Talitha's implants.

"I'm so glad that you came to see me, Shepard. Dr. Martin said that you wouldn't be able to come here. He said that I couldn't tell you where I was because it was a secret," Talitha said.

Talitha had stopped referring to herself as 'she', and although she was far more coherent than the last time Shepard saw her, she still spoke like a small child. Shepard smiled warmly at Talitha but watched Dr. Logan out of the corner of her eye. The shrewd woman watched Shepard with narrowed eyes.

"Well, I got lucky is all. How are you, Talitha? Your hair sure looks pretty grown out," Shepard said.

Talitha reached up and ran her fingers over her hair, cringing when her fingers brushed against the metal webbing.

"Get that off of her. Get it off!" Jane said.

"I remember when I was little, mommy used to braid my hair. Dr. Martin said when it gets long enough he would braid it for me," Talitha said.

"That's nice of Dr. Martin. I think your hair is nearly long enough. I'm sure he can braid it for you soon," Shepard said. "So, how do you like it here, Talitha?"

Talitha frowned and picked at the corner of her table. She averted her gaze from Shepard and swung a foot back and forth under her chair.

"She – I… I like it here OK. They take good care of me here and sometimes I get to see pretty pictures," Talitha said before lowering her voice to a whisper, "Sometimes scary ones, too."

Shepard leaned forward a little, to share in with the other woman's secret. She glanced up at the doctor whose attention was flickering between Shepard and Miranda.

"What kind of scary pictures, Talitha?" Shepard asked.

"Of monsters," Talitha whispered.

"Reapers. She's seeing reapers. They did it, they indoctrinated her. Wait, is she going to turn on us? Attack us? Get away from her, she's indoctrinated. Get away," Jane insisted.

"Calm down, Jane," Shepard thought.

"Can you tell me what the monsters look like?" Shepard asked.

"I'm sorry, but who exactly did you say you were?" Dr. Logan asked Shepard.

Shepard ignored the woman and stayed focused on Talitha.

Talitha slowly nodded her head before reaching for a stack of papers sitting on the table in front of her. She rifled through the pages before lying one out on the table in front of Shepard. It was a crayon drawing of a reaper; outlined in thick black lines and shaded with grays. The image was incredibly detailed, the joints in the reapers legs, the seam where it's plating would move aside to reveal the circular beam projector; it was all there.

"Wow, that is scary. Talitha, would you mind talking to my friend Jacob here for a few minutes? I need to have a private conversation with Dr. Logan," Shepard said waving Jacob over.

"They're all probably indoctrinated. Everyone in this facility. We have to get out of here. Blow the whole place up. It's going to get us, too," Jane said.

"Is Jacob nice like Dr. Martin?" Talitha asked.

"Jacob's one of the nicest people I know," Shepard said.

Talitha nodded and said, "OK, I'll talk to Jacob."

Shepard met Jacob half way across the room and whispered, "Keep her distracted. Keep her attention on you, you understand?"

"Yes ma'am," Jacob said.

Shepard nodded and smiled at Talitha who had turned around to watch her. Jacob smiled and waved as he made his way to sit down next to Talitha. When Talitha had her attention on Jacob, Shepard went to stand next to Miranda.

"Indoctrination?" Shepard asked.

Miranda looked up from the datapad, her face looked far paler than usual and her eyes looked glazed over.

"It appears so," Miranda said shoving the datapad at Shepard and stepping away.

"I demand to know who you are and what you are doing here right now or I'm calling the guards," Dr. Logan said.

"My name is Commander Shepard and I'm here to see my friend," Shepard said pulling out her pistol. "Now, I'm going to ask you one simple question and I sincerely hope that you have the answer that I'm looking for."

Dr. Logan began to back away from Shepard towards the door. Miranda spun around and lifted the woman off of her feet with her biotics. The color had returned to Miranda's face and her eyes were filled with fire.

"Can you reverse this?" Shepard asked.

The terrified woman shook her head. Her lips began to tremble and tears started to form in her eyes.

"No, I'm sorry. We were only told to learn to control it. We – we – we were never told to learn how to cure it…" Dr. Logan said.

"Shepard, if you kill her now we are going to have to fight our way out of here," Miranda warned.

"Do you want to live, Dr. Logan?" Shepard asked.

"No, don't let her live. Kill them all. We have to shut this whole place down," Jane insisted.

The woman nodded her head vigorously and said, "Yes. Please, yes."

"Then I suggest that you stay very quiet and when I tell you to, you're going to walk us back out of this facility with Talitha. You're going to tell anyone that asks that you received orders from the Illusive Man and that Talitha is to leave with us. Do you understand?" Shepard asked.

"No! You can't take her with us! She could turn on us, or just indoctrinate everyone by being around. It's too risky. You have to leave her, Dawn, you have to leave her," Jane said.

"I'm not leaving her! We'll find a way to fix this. We have to," Shepard thought.

"Yes, please, I'll do whatever you say," Dr. Logan said.

Shepard put her gun away and turned back to Talitha.

"Talitha, come on honey, you're going to come with me now, OK?" Shepard said.

"Is Dr. Martin coming, too?" Talitha asked standing up from her chair.

Jacob's eyes moved between the biotically suspended doctor and Shepard.

"I'm sorry, Talitha but Dr. Martin has to stay and do his important work. But you and I will have a lot of fun together. I'm going to take you on my ship and we're going to go visit lots of places, will that be alright?" Shepard asked.

Talitha nodded and crossed the room to stand next to Shepard. Jacob moved next to Miranda, his hand resting near his pistol.

"Alright Miranda, put her down," Shepard said.

Miranda lowered the woman back to the ground before releasing her hold on her. Dr. Logan stumbled forward as the weight was suddenly back on her bum knee.

"Alright, doctor, lead the way," Shepard said.

"You can't be serious! You have to see that this is crazy. This is too great a risk for one person, Dawn. We can't do this," Jane insisted.

Dr. Logan nodded and opened the door. She walked out stiffly and through the room with people strapped to beds. Shepard followed closely behind her with Talitha sandwiched between Jacob and Miranda. The other doctors in the room didn't bother to look up at all as they crossed through. Once they reached the door that opened up into the room with the main controls, Dr. Logan did something incredibly foolish.

The doctor tried to make a run for it, getting maybe five feet on her bum leg before Shepard shot her in the back of her head. Talitha screamed. Every person in the vicinity snapped their heads towards the noise and froze.

"Black Out! Code Black Out!" one of the men in a lab coat yelled out.

Shepard heard footsteps pounding up the stairs and she shoved Talitha behind a crate.

"Now, Kasumi, now!" Shepard yelled into her mic before firing on the first guard to appear at the top of the stairs.

Every console screen in the room flickered before the Cerberus logo popped up on the screen. Men and women in lab coats frantically tried to get their data off of the consoles, cursing as they could find nothing but the logo. Guards rushed up the stairs forming a line between Shepard's team and the scientists. Shepard motioned Jacob towards Talitha, giving him a silent order to protect the woman.

Kasumi materialized next to Shepard and said, "There were more guards coming up the back way but I've locked the door. It should take them awhile to get through. I wasn't able to get everything off the computers but I got the most important stuff, I think."

"What is she doing here?" Jacob asked but Shepard didn't answer.

"Good work, Kasumi. Fill me in when we're not being shot at," Shepard said.

"Good idea," Kasumi said pulling out her pistol and taking aim.

"Terminating the Project," a woman in a lab coat called out from behind the guards.

Shepard couldn't see what the woman did but suddenly Talitha started to convulse beside her. Jacob grabbed Talitha and tried to stabilize her but his efforts were in vain.

"No, no, no, no! Talitha, no, hang on, hang on I'm getting you out of this place," Shepard yelled while replacing her thermal clip.

Shepard emptied that clip as fast as she could into the row of guards before popping it out and sliding in another. Talitha stopped moving. Jacob felt the woman's neck, seeking a pulse that Shepard already knew in the pit of her stomach he wasn't going to find.

"I'm sorry, Commander. She's gone," Jacob said looking up from Talitha's body.

Shepard growled and stood to her feet, firing off several shots as she went. She used her biotic charge to slam into the nearest guard before shooting him in the face. Fueled by fury, she shot at everyone wearing full Cerberus armor or a white lab coat. It didn't matter to her that the doctors and scientists were unarmed; they had just killed an innocent woman after committing unspeakable acts of torture and inhumane experiments on her all while wrapping it up with a bow and calling it 'care'.

Shepard spun and sent four guards toppling with a Shockwave before shooting a man in a lab coat in the head. Her team moved up closer to her, taking better positions. Kasumi appeared behind a man and stabbed him in the side before re-cloaking. Jacob pulled a guard into the air and fired into his floating form.

The fight was over in minutes, the floor slick with blood. Red splatters painted the walls and the console. A man in a lab coat lay twitching in his final moments of life. Shepard still shook with rage as she turned around looking for anyone else to shoot. She fired a last shot into the twitching man's skull.

"Jacob, Kasumi watch the stairs. Miranda with me," Shepard said.

Miranda moved to Shepard's side as Shepard backtracked to check the men and women strapped to beds in the last room. She checked to make sure the room was clear; the doctors had all fled when the gunfire started most of them now corpses in the control room. Shepard moved to one of the beds and checked for life signs. Miranda went to another. They worked their way through the dozen people but each of them were already dead.

"Whatever triggered the convulsions in Talitha must have done the same for the others," Miranda said.

"Why wasn't she in this room with the others? Why did they keep her separate, locked away by herself?" Shepard asked.

"According to her records, Talitha's unique state of mind when they acquired her allowed for a more complete transition and eased the process. She was fully indoctrinated. Shepard, I know that this will be hard to hear, but I think her death was a mercy and safer for all of us," Miranda said. "It would have taken me months, at least to figure out how to reverse what they did even with Mordin's help. There is no telling what would have happened if she had been on the Normandy in the meantime time."

"Let's get the hell out of here," Shepard said clenching and unclenching her fists.

Miranda nodded, sadness tugging at her perfect features. They moved back into the slaughter room and met up with Jacob and Kasumi before moving down the stairs. Shepard could hear the emergency shuttles departing the facility and felt angry knowing that there were any survivors. When they got back to the main entrance, only a few shuttles remained and the area was empty.

Shepard put her back to the wall next to the door and nodded to Kasumi who used the console at the top of the stairs to trigger the door release. The doors slid open and the guards outside started firing haphazardly into the facility. Miranda and Jacob were across from Shepard watching for her signal. Shepard waited for a pause in the fire before turning to send a Shockwave into the row of guards. Her team opened fire, killing several guards immediately and pushing the rest back. Shepard ran for cover, claiming the ground the Cerberus Commandos fled. She provided cover fire, shooting in a spray at the guards while her team pushed forward to claim cover.

Yard by yard, Shepard and her team pushed the enemy back, killing those who weren't fast enough to flee. Finally, the few remaining had nowhere else to flee too. Shepard saw one of them eye her shuttle up on the landing pad and she used her biotics to charge at him before he could make a run for it. She slammed into the man and shot him several times in the chest, ripping through his shields and setting him on fire.

She turned to fire more rounds at the nearest target while the one next to him was pulled into the air and shot. Shepard used her Shockwave to knock the last two over the railing to tumble down the mountainside. Miranda called the all clear and the others joined Shepard as she made her way to the shuttle.

The ride back to the Normandy was one filled with sober silence. Shepard contemplated having Joker blow the damn facility up but knew that it would be a drastic act and would likely jeopardize future events for no real gain. Miranda stared out the window, her arms crossed over her chest hugging herself. Occasionally, Shepard would catch sight of Miranda gently caressing her arms trying to soothe herself unconsciously. Shepard saw anger on Jacob's face; it wasn't an expression that Jane's memories associated with him except on the rare occasion. It was clear that he was deeply disturbed by the day's events. The question remained, what disturbed him the most: the realization that Cerberus was up to some very serious sick shit, or that he had been backed into a corner and forced to take part on an assault on a Cerberus facility. Shepard believed that it was the former rather than the latter. Jacob was a good guy, even if he was a bit misguided at times. Kasumi stayed hidden, her tactical cloak acting as an emotional barrier but Shepard could hear her occasional sniffles and was sure that the others could as well.

The shuttle flew back into the Normandy's hangar. Once it was safe to, Shepard opened the shuttle door and headed straight for the elevator. Normally, she would say a few words to her team; reinforce their good work or find another way to build morale but right then she was seriously lacking in the morale department herself. She took the elevator up to her cabin and stripped off her armor, throwing it violently against the wall.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Shepard yelled at the empty room.

"For the best. It was for the best," Jane said.

EDI's hologram popped up and EDI asked, "Shepard, are you in need of assistance?"

"No, EDI. I'm – I – I don't know. Gods this is all so fucked up," Shepard said turning to look at the hologram.

"Perhaps speaking with Yeoman Chambers would be beneficial?" EDI suggested.

"Yeah. Maybe. I'll think about it," Shepard said noncommittally.

"Garrus is on his way up to see you and the Illusive Man would like to speak to you in the Communications Room," EDI said.

"I'm sure he would. Thanks, EDI," Shepard said.

Shepard raked her hands through her hair and left her cabin. The elevator opened up in front of her with Garrus inside. He looked up from the floor and met her gaze. Shepard knew that even if he couldn't see the fire in her eyes, he'd be able to smell the anger rolling off of her in waves. His mandibles fluttered lightly as he watched her cross into the elevator and hit the button for the second deck. Garrus knew her well enough to know that as comforting as his touch was to her, being touched when she was this angry only made things worse. He kept his distance, staying to the opposite side of the elevator.

"How bad?" he finally asked.

"Monumentally. I just slaughtered at least half the people in that damn facility and Talitha still died. It wasn't supposed to go that way. I was supposed to walk out with Talitha, find a way to help her. Kasumi was there to steal the data and then corrupt their files once we were out. It was going as planned but one stupid woman couldn't accept that and brought down the whole fucking house of cards," Shepard said.

"What now?" Garrus asked.

"The Illusive Man is on the comm waiting for me. He probably got reports of what was happening from the first asshole to make it to the escape shuttles," Shepard said.

"What will he do?" he asked.

Shepard shrugged her shoulder and said, "I don't know. This is a new one. He's not going to be happy, but I doubt he'll take action against me. At least nothing obvious."

The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Shepard could feel the eyes of every Cerberus employee on her but they all turned away the second she looked anywhere near their direction. Shepard stepped out of the elevator and turned towards the armory to pass through to the comm room. Jacob was leaning against one of the tables at his station, his hands splayed out across the metal surface. His eyes studied the table intently until Shepard cleared her throat and he turned his head to look at her.

"The Illusive Man is waiting. I'm going to make sure he understands that you and Miranda went in to this blind. I didn't mean for things to go the way they did, but –," Shepard started to say.

Jacob shook his head and looked back down at the table cutting Shepard off with a firmly spoken, "Don't bother."

Shepard hesitated, Garrus standing quietly next to her. Jacob finally turned around, leaning into the table and crossing his arms.

"I didn't know, Shepard. I hope you realize that. I didn't know," Jacob said.

Shepard walked towards the table separating her from Jacob and laid her palms on the surface. She studied him for a moment, taking in the pain and remorse in his face and nodded.

"I know, Jacob," Shepard said.

"I'm sorry. About your friend. I tried, Shepard. There was nothing I could do for her," he said.

"For the best," Jane whispered.

As he spoke, Jacob shifted forward and leaned with his palms on the table. He spoke with earnest in a low, hushed, pleading tone.

"I know, Jacob. I don't blame you for that, not at all. I blame them. I blame the Illusive Man. I blame myself, even, but I don't blame you," Shepard said.

"How can you not? You've talked about the evils of Cerberus, and even though I've always been skeptical to both sides of the story… I am a part of Cerberus. By choice!" Jacob said.

Garrus, who had hung back to give them space until now, crossed the room and stood next to Shepard. He crossed his arms and locked his eyes on Jacob.

"So make another choice. You've seen it yourself now. Help us fight the collectors and then walk away. Better yet, fight the collectors and then fight Cerberus," Garrus said challenging Jacob to take action.

Jacob pushed himself back from the table and nodded thoughtfully at Garrus' statement.

"Yeah. Yeah I've got to do something. This isn't right. This isn't me," Jacob said.

Shepard offered Jacob a smile before turning to leave.

"Oh, hey, Shepard?" Jacob said.

Shepard turned back to Jacob, Garrus pausing beside her to do the same.

"If you survive your talk with the Illusive Man, I had something else I wanted to talk to you about when you have a minute," Jacob said.

Shepard nodded and said, "Sure, Jacob."

Shepard and Garrus walked into the comm room and EDI lowered the table into the floor giving Shepard access to the quantum entanglement communications array. She started to walk towards the communicator but paused and turned back to Garrus who was leaning against the corner near the door. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a quick kiss to his mandible. He grinned and his mandibles fluttered.

"What was that for?" Garrus asked.

"For being you," she said simply.

Shepard turned and walked into the communicator, the holographic grid rising up around her, scanning her and projecting her image to the Illusive Man even as it allowed her to see him. As usual, he was sitting in his power position. A simple chair in the center of the room just far enough away from the communicator that it made him difficult to see in the dark. He had a tumbler in one hand and a glowing cigarette in the other. Shepard waited with her arms crossed for him to speak. If he expected her to hurry into an explanation or offer an apology he'd be waiting for a damn long time.

"Shepard. I've received reports that a Cerberus research facility on Gellix was just under attack by three of my operatives. Miranda's name and authorization code were used, but I suspect that this was your idea," the Illusive Man said.

Shepard remained quiet, staring daggers at the man who seemed so very close, close enough that she could lunge at him and wrap her fingers around his throat but was really he was so very, very far away.

"Well?" the Illusive Man asked.

"Well what?" Shepard snapped.

"Care to explain why you infiltrated a Cerberus facility and killed half of the researchers and guards?" the Illusive Man asked.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I killed all of the guards unless some of them were cowards and fled in the face of hostile activity. Sure, I'll tell you why, though. Her name was Talitha. She was an innocent woman who was abducted on Mindoir by batarian slavers. She lived a life full of abuse and torture, so much to the point that she didn't see herself as even being a human being anymore when I first met her," Shepard said.

"It was for the best. She won't feel any of it now, and now she can't hurt us," Jane said.

"Say it was for the best one more time and I swear I will find a way to cut you out of my own head," Shepard thought.

The Illusive Man took a long drag from his cigarette, the burning ember illuminating part of his smug face for a brief moment. He blew the smoke out slowly; it curled and licked around his face before spreading out to add to the hazy feel of the room. He twisted the tumbler about in his hand, the ice clinking together before taking a swallow.

"That was about three years ago, on the Citadel. Alliance had rescued her from the slavers so I'm not really sure how the hell exactly she came to be in one of your facilities acting an experiment for your twisted research into indoctrination. But there you have it," Shepard said.

"Commander, I don't know what you think happened to –," the Illusive Man said.

Shepard cut him off, raising her voice to be heard above his and said, "Bullshit. So, anyway, Talitha contacted me not too long ago and I figured I'd go pay her a visit. Check on her, see how she's doing and figure out for myself just what the fuck Cerberus was doing with her and if I didn't like what I found, I was going to take her out of that facility. I was doing just that, taking her out, when one of your doctors decided to commit suicide – I mean, I did warn her. 'Course, the shit hit the fan after that and the only way to get out was to shoot my way out. They killed, Talitha, by the way. Fried her brain somehow, along with all of the other's they had strapped down to tables with wires and reaper tech running through their bodies."

Jane whimpered in the back of Shepard's head as the images of those poor dead bodies strapped to tables replayed through Shepard's mind. The Illusive Man took another long drag off his cigarette and tapped the ashes off, spinning the tip of the cigarette around in the ash tray.

"I wasn't aware that facility was using human subjects. I'll look into the matter. The next time you plan to visit a Cerberus facility, I ask that you go through the proper channels and try not to kill anyone – if you think you can manage that," the Illusive Man said adding a particularly snide tone to the last bit.

Shepard stared at him in silence. His glowing blue eyes stared back at her. She turned and walked out of the holographic grid, the Illusive Man's hideout disappearing from her view and being replaced with the comm room on the Normandy. The comm table rose out of the floor and locked back into place.

"Sometimes I have to wonder if that man likes the smell of his own bullshit," Shepard said.

Garrus pushed away from the wall and opened the door for her. Shepard put a hand on Garrus' arm to halt him before they got close enough to trigger the armory door's automatic function.

"He's going to want to talk to me about a personal matter. I'm not sure if he's going to be comfortable talking about it in front of you, hell he won't be comfortable talking about it to me but he needs my help. So, if it looks like he needs it, give us some space?" Shepard said.

"No problem. Why don't I just head to the battery and get some work done. Meet back up with you later?" Garrus said.

"Thanks," Shepard said pulling Garrus to her.

He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his forehead to hers before walking into the armory. Garrus nodded to Jacob before passing through to the CIC. Shepard made her way to Jacob and leaned against the table.

"What's up?" Shepard asked.

Jacob rubbed at the back of his neck before resting his hands on the tabletop.

"I'm not normally one to ask for a personal favor, but I thought that maybe since you said this thing we just did was personal for you… maybe it would be alright to ask," Jacob said.

"Of course it's alright to ask, Jacob. Worst that would happen is I'd say no, and that's not really my style. What's going on?" Shepard asked again.

"It's about my father. Well, about the ship he was on," Jacob said rubbing at his neck again.

Shepard watched Jacob in silence while he worked through the thoughts running through his head.

"My father was on a ship called the Hugo Gernsback… it went missing ten years ago. I'm not sure who sent it, but last night I got a message sent to my private account. The Gernsback sent out an SOS last week, the message said there was a crash and they were requesting a rescue," Jacob said.

"You have the coordinates?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, but Shepard, I'm not sure I trust this. Especially not in light of recent events. I mean, ten years is a long time. Why an SOS now? Why was I sent an anonymous message through Cerberus filters? It just doesn't add up. I'm not expecting to find my father alive, not after all these years but still, it would be nice to get some answers," Jacob said.

"We'll take a team and go in cautiously, Jacob. We're going to need everyone focused and at their best, and that means looking into this while there's still time. Forward the coordinates to Joker, we'll go as soon as we can," Shepard said.

"Thanks, Shepard," Jacob said.

EDI's hologram popped up and she said, "Shepard, there is an urgent call coming through from Councilor Anderson."

"Patch it through to my cabin, EDI," Shepard said before turning back to Jacob. "I've got to take this; we can talk later if you want."

"Yeah, sure," Jacob said as Shepard left the armory.

Shepard called the elevator and paced in front of the closed doors while she waited. She turned in her pacing and jumped when she nearly walked into Kelly.

"Sorry, Commander, I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm available, if you need to talk about your friend. Or anything at all, really," Kelly said.

Shepard smiled and nodded her head. The elevator doors opened.

"Thanks, Kelly. I appreciate that, maybe later?" Shepard said and Kelly nodded.

Shepard stepped onto the elevator and took it up to her cabin. She entered her cabin and opened up her bug detection software and did a quick sweep of the room just in case someone slipped more listening devices in while she was away.

"EDI, please give us some privacy," Shepard said.

"As you wish, Shepard," EDI said closing her hologram.

Shepard stepped over to her desk and pushed the button that would turn her glass display case into a vid screen. Anderson appeared before her and didn't waste time with pleasantries.

"Shepard, I've just received reports from your salarian team and Alliance stationed on Fehl Prime. They are under attack as we speak. Kirrahe reported heavy collector presence and he has been able to obtain the data you requested. He is doing what he can to protect the colony, and you were right, the swarms are only going after humans," Anderson said.

"Do we have a report on losses so far, sir?" Shepard asked.

"Not yet, but it doesn't sound good, Shepard," Anderson said.

"We'll head there right away; provide what assistance we can if we make it in time. Thank you, sir," Shepard said.

"Shepard, don't be rash. You've said yourself that your ship isn't ready to stand up to their attacks. Officially, I can't tell you not to go but as your friend I'm asking you to be smart about it," Anderson said.

"We still need Tali's info on the multicore shielding, but the guns that Garrus installed and the armor upgrades from Jacob will help. The others aren't as important," Jane said.

"Yes sir. We're nearly there but I won't jeopardize the mission, sir," Shepard said.

"Stow the sir crap, Shepard. Don't jeopardize you. I don't want to have to hear about you dying again," Anderson said.

Shepard smiled and said, "Alright Anderson, I'll be careful."

"Thank you, Shepard. Anderson out," he said before the screen went black.

Shepard pushed the button again, turning the black screen back into clear glass and left her cabin. She pushed the elevator button and while she waited she called out to EDI.

"Yes Shepard?" EDI asked.

"Call everyone to the comm room. We have a hit," Shepard said.

"At once," EDI said.

Shepard took the elevator down to the CIC and input the coordinates for the Fehl Prime colony in Sigurd's Cradle, flagging it as urgent so Joker would get them there as fast as possible. She closed the map and cut through the tech labs, meeting up with Mordin on his way to the comm room. Once everyone was gathered Shepard addressed her crew.

"Alright everyone, I've had word that the human colony of Fehl Prime is under attack as we speak. I've placed a small group of STG there to gather information for us and to help protect the colonists. It was a gamble but it's paid off. We are on our way there now. It is unlikely that we'll make it there in time to help much, but we will plan for that outcome. Our priority will be to provide support to the STG team and to secure the data they've collected. Our secondary priority is to defend the colony. I know that this is a tough call, some of you may not like hearing it but without that data many more colonies will be abducted and we will have failed," Shepard said.

"I don't know what exactly we'll find when we get there but I know two things. First, this ship is not ready to face a collector ship. Second, we cannot send any humans to ground until we have the all clear. Which means that even I have to sit this one out as much as it kills me to do so," she said.

The room broke out into murmurs of discontent and confusion. Shepard held up a hand to quiet them.

"There is Alliance presence on Fehl Prime, so a Cerberus ship in the middle of this might cause some confusion as well. We'll hail the colony as soon as we are close enough to do so; I'll announce myself and push my Spectre authority," Shepard said. "Legion, I don't think it's wise to send you down there in the middle of a panic without me there. Lia, I know you're excited to help but I'm not really sure that this is the best time for you to start. That leaves Garrus, Grunt, Grundan Krul, and Mordin. Garrus, you will lead the team and rendezvous with Kirrahe. Mordin, you will act as liaison to the STG there. Once I've gotten the all clear, I will take a second shuttle to meet with you on the ground."

She glanced at each person as she spoke and they nodded their understanding of their tasks. Grunt looked particularly pleased at the opportunity to finally get to kill something. She felt marginally bad that she hadn't set him loose on Gellix but it was the right decision at the time.

"EDI, can you access a map of Fehl Prime?" Shepard asked.

A hologram of the colony appeared in the air above the table.

"Garrus, this is your ride. Find your landing location and plan of attack. I'll have EDI add to it any information we get in the meantime. Questions?" Shepard said.

Shepard's eyes roamed over everyone in the room, they all watched her but no one spoke up so Shepard dismissed them. Everyone but those assigned to the strike team left the room. Garrus moved closer to the table to manipulate and study the map of Fehl Prime. Grundan Krul stood beside him while Mordin opened his omni-tool and began running his fingers over the screen.

"EDI, can you put up the image of the collector that we found on Freedom's Progress?" Shepard asked.

The image appeared and as expected, Grunt moved in closer to examine the image. She knew he would want to know his enemy and she could tell that he was already searching out the weak spots. Shepard stepped up beside Grunt and pulled the image of the collector, zooming in on the once prothean mutation.

"You need to tell them about the others, the scions, praetorians; they won't just be fighting those. Husks and abominations, too," Jane added.

"I'll fill Garrus and Mordin in on everything privately, that's the best we can do," Shepard thought.

"EDI, an image of the husks as well please. I suspect that the reaper troops will be accompanying the collectors," Shepard said.

A 3-D image of a husk appeared next to the collector; Shepard rotated the image slowly so Grunt could soak it in.

"They look human," he said.

"They were, once. I spent a lot of time fighting them while chasing down Saren," Shepard said. "They tend to attack in swarms, they like to close in on you and cling to you while they claw and bite. They don't appear to feel pain, and so don't slow down when injured. Some of them will get in close and activate some sort of electrical pulse that will drop your shields. They appear to be designed to harry ground troops while larger troops close in or line up shots," Shepard said.

"What weapons do they use?" Grunt asked.

"Just their bodies and that pulse. I've never seen one pick up a gun. They're completely mindless, driven solely by their… programming to seek out and attack the nearest enemy. They have no sense of self-preservation, they wear no armor and will not seek cover," Shepard said.

"What about the collectors?" Grunt asked.

Shepard glanced at Garrus before responding, "We have limited intel on them at this point. We know that they have advanced technology, and I know firsthand that the guns on their ships do massive amounts of damage. The old Normandy was ripped to shreds by a collector vessel, and the old Normandy had cutting edge technology. I think it's safe to assume that their ground troops will likely have better weapons than we do."

"Good. It's no fun if it's not challenging," Grunt said with a grin.

Grundan Krul moved around the table to look at the images of the husk and collector. He stood quietly next to Shepard, his dark eyes moving up and down the images.

"May I?" he asked indicating the holograms.

"Of course," Shepard said moving aside to give him better access.

Grundan Krul reached across the opening in the table to pull the image of the husk closer and increase its size. He studied it, moving the image around from front to back before stopping on the front and pointing to the ring-shaped implant on the husk's abdomen.

"Here. The pulse's energy will come from this point, if it can be disabled first, it should prevent the husk from emitting its pulse. I'd suggest using Overload or Sabotage, failing that shooting that location should do the trick," Grundan Krul said.

Shepard raised her eyebrows and glanced at the batarian standing next to her. He turned his head away from the husk, his eyes searching hers for understanding.

"Jane?" Shepard thought.

"I – I don't know. He could be right," Jane said.

"Huh. I'll be damned. It's definitely worth the field test. Good catch," Shepard said.

Grundan Krul's lips twitched in some semblance of the start of a smile but that was it, he nodded his head and started looking at the collector more closely. Shepard wished that they had a better image of the collector, and that she could warn them of what else they should expect to find if they got there in the heat of battle. She would just have to trust in Garrus' leadership skills and his ability to keep calm and focused in battle.

Shepard excused herself from the room and left the four of them to plan. She headed to the mess hall and collapsed onto a bench running her hands through her hair. Two minutes later a tray was slid across the table in front of her. Shepard glanced up to see Gardner smile at her before walking back to his station. Shepard looked at the tray for a long minute before she finally picked up the spoon and dug into the gumbo. The mess hall was mostly empty; it was past the usual meal time so Shepard ate alone enjoying the relative silence until Kelly slid into the bench across from her with a bowl of salad and glass of what looked like iced tea.

She smiled warmly at Shepard before putting a forkful in her mouth. Shepard knew that the yeoman was waiting for her to talk; to pour out her emotions about the day's events whether through sorrowful tears or angry rantings but Shepard was finding it difficult to connect to her emotions just then. She continued to eat in silence and so did Kelly. After about ten minutes, Shepard decided that even if she wasn't feeling anything right now, it would be good to talk to Kelly about Talitha.

"She was on Mindoir during the raids," Shepard said.

Kelly swallowed and took a sip of her tea before responding, "The batarian slaver raids?"

"Yeah. She wasn't as lucky as I was… if you can call it lucky," Shepard said.

"She was taken?" Kelly asked.

Shepard nodded slowly and ate a couple more bites of her gumbo before continuing.

"I met her on the Citadel a few years ago. Marines had found her while raiding the slaver's encampment and brought her back to the Citadel. She was terrified, wanted to kill herself because she was so sure that her masters were going to find her again and punish her for leaving. She'd gotten a hold of a gun and was held up behind some crates on the docks," Shepard took a sip of her coffee.

"I imagine that must have been a terrifying predicament for her," Kelly said.

"You think?" Jane snapped.

"I spent some time talking her down. She told me all about what happened to her and her family during the raids, and what happened to her in the years as a slave. I kept thinking how easily that could have been me. She didn't even see herself as human anymore, just kept referring to herself as an animal, or slave; talked in the third person. It took a while but I got her to tell me her name, Talitha," Shepard said.

Kelly waited in silence, watching as Shepard stirred her gumbo around with her spoon. After a minute or so, Shepard started to speak again.

"I just wanted to get her out of there, Kelly. No one was supposed to die today. They had her indoctrinated, all wired up with reaper tech. They were trying to figure out how to control it and the doctor said they didn't even bother to try to figure out how to reverse it. I don't know what I thought I could do for her really, but I just thought getting her out of there would have to be better than continuing to let them experiment on her. She'd been through enough," Shepard said.

"When you found here there, what did you feel?" Kelly prodded.

"What the hell do you think we felt?!" Jane said.

"Really? You're asking how I felt, not wondering what the hell Cerberus was doing to this poor woman?" Shepard asked.

Kelly forced a smile on her face and spoke softly, "Understanding the whys and hows of what Cerberus was doing isn't my job right now, Commander. Helping you through this so that you can be at your best is."

Shepard frowned at the other woman before sighing and saying, "I felt pissed. And disgusted. And I guess a little sad."

"Let's start with the anger. What or who exactly where you angry with?" Kelly asked.

Shepard stuck her spoon in her bowl and rolled her tongue around in her mouth before sucking on her teeth.

"I was angry with Cerberus, with the Illusive Man. I was angry at the reapers for existing. I was angry at myself for not having kept closer tabs on Talitha after that day on the Citadel," Shepard said.

"Do you think Talitha was somehow your responsibility?" Kelley asked.

"What… no, I don't guess so not really but it would have just been the decent, humane thing to do," Shepard said.

"Of course you do. We always do. They're all our responsibility," Jane said.

"Why didn't you, then, Commander?" Kelley challenged.

"Um, I was busy chasing down a rogue Spectre and trying to convince the Council that the reapers were real and were coming!" Shepard said exasperated.

Kelly watched Shepard in silence as she processed her own words. Shepard sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"What would you have liked to have done differently, if the circumstances had been different?" Kelly asked.

"I should have – would have made sure she was in a good place that was going to actually help her. Checked in on her, maybe gone to visit. Reminded her that even though I didn't go through everything she did, there was at least someone else out there who had seen some of the horrors that she had. Reminded her that she wasn't alone… and that she wasn't a damn animal," Shepard said.

"I'm sure that would have meant a lot to Talitha. Commander, do you feel as if what you did do to help her is somehow lessened by what you couldn't do to help her?" Kelly asked.

Shepard thought about that question before shaking her head and saying, "No, I don't guess so. She would have killed herself that day, maybe even a few others. She was in immediate danger."

"Tell me, when Talitha saw you today how did she react?" Kelly asked.

"She smiled, she seemed really excited and happy to see me," Shepard said.

"Sounds like you made real impact on her," Kelly said.

"Yeah. It just wasn't enough," Shepard said.

"Sometimes things happen outside of our control," Kelly said. "Commander, you died. You were gone for two years and you had no control over that or the events that occurred in your absence."

Shepard winced. She did have control over that, and she chose to die. She chose to go to Alchera where she knew the collectors would ambush her and destroy the Normandy. She stood there on her ship while it was being ripped apart and waited for death. Kelly grew quiet, her eyes studying Shepard and drawing conclusions about the meaning behind Shepard's reactions.

"Do you blame yourself for your death, Commander?" Kelly asked.

"Yes. It was your fault. You knew. And it hurt so bad. Suffocating, feeling like our skull was being crushed, like our eyes were going to explode. Then burning, our whole body catching on fire. Slamming into Alchera, shattering damn near every bone in our body. Then nothing until the cutting and drilling. They cut us open and put things inside of us and I felt it all, and it was all your fault," Jane rambled.

"No, of course not," Shepard said schooling her expressions and sliding her Commander mask back into place.

Shepard shoved a few more bites of the gumbo down her throat and drained her coffee cup. She stood up and picked up her tray, pausing to look at Kelly.

"You're right, Kelly. I did everything that I could have, and this wasn't my fault. Thanks for the talk. I've got to get back to my cabin, I've got planning to do for the Fehl Prime mission," Shepard said.

"Of course, Commander. Anytime," Kelly said, her eyes filled with concern and her lips pressed into a tight line.

Shepard carried her tray back over to Gardner listening as Jane relieved the experience over and over again in her head; tossing the accusations at Shepard as she went. Gardner looked at the half full bowl and frowned.

"Didn't like the gumbo?" Gardner asked.

"You saw on the video. Ribs spread open, heart barely beating as she screwed reaper tech into our ribs and heart," Jane said.

"No, it's delicious it's just been one hell of a day… save it for me, I'll finish it later when my mind isn't all over the place," Shepard said.

"And I was begging her to stop. Screaming in agony and they just kept scraping and drilling," Jane said.

Gardner smiled and said, "Sure thing, Commander."

"Jane, stop. Gods, please stop," Shepard thought.

Shepard struggled to return the smile and slid the tray across the counter to him before heading back to the elevator. Once back in her cabin, Shepard settled into her desk and opened her laptop. She fought to push Jane's continued diatribe. She had EDI pull up the map they had been working on and put it on the big screen. Twenty minutes later and Jane finally fell silent. Shepard was exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally but she continued to push herself. A half hour more and they had a few new locations noted on the map, both of potential Cerberus facilities and of reported collector activity.

Shepard was glad to see that the Illusive Man hadn't put a stop to her and EDI's loophole. She figured he had to know about it by now; she wondered what he stood to gain from allowing it, she knew he had to have a reason. Maybe he was just curious to see what she would do with the information she was able to piece together.

"Shepard, Jack has entered your cabin as her destination in the elevator. Should I allow her to enter?" EDI asked.

Shepard looked up at the hologram a little shocked that Jack would be coming to see her.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Save our progress and close the map then let her in, EDI," Shepard said.

A minute later Shepard's cabin door slid open and Jack hesitantly poked her head in and glanced around before strolling in carrying a bottle of spiced rum. Shepard's eyebrow twitched and she stood up from her desk. Jack came to a stop a few feet away from Shepard and leaned against the partition next to her desk. She held up the bottle of rum.

"Hey. Heard about the shit on Gellix today. Got this on the Citadel to pass time and deal with the mind-numbing boredom of being stuck on this ship but I figured you could probably use a drink," Jack said.

"That… sounds like an excellent idea. I'll grab us some glasses," Shepard said.

"Glasses are for pussies, Shepard. Just drink out of the damn bottle," Jack said with a smirk.

Shepard chuckled and said, "Alright. Crack it open. Couches downstairs. There's a stereo over there if you want."

"Cool," Jack said opening the bottle of rum and taking a deep pull from the dark amber alcohol before passing it to Shepard.

Shepard accepted the bottle and took a deep pull herself. Jack walked down the stairs and around the personal quarters of Shepard's cabin. She ran her fingertips over the back of the couch, and stopped to look at the model ships in her display case. Jack smirked and shook her head. Shepard stood at the top of the stairs watching her.

"What?" Shepard asked.

"Model ships? Seriously Shepard? God you Alliance types are so boring," Jack said.

"Ouch! Joker's right, you are mean," Shepard said stepping down the stairs.

Jack smirked and continued her survey of Shepard's room, stopping on occasion to look at something a little closer or to run her fingers over a photograph. She stopped and picked up a picture of Liara that Shepard had framed after she learned about the asari's death.

"Who's this?" Jack asked.

"Liara T'soni," Shepard said moving to look at the photograph in Jack's hands. "She was on my old crew. A good friend. She uh, she died when a blast from the collector ship hit the escape pod she was in. This one here is Ashley Williams, she was in the pod, too."

"Your fault," Jane mumbled weakly.

Jack set the picture back down before picking up one of Kaidan, "What about him?"

"Kaidan Alenko. Died on Virmire being a damn hero against orders. Should have expected it, to be honest," Shepard said.

Jack set the picture of Kaidan back down without comment before moving over to the stereo and fiddling with the nobs until she had something that sounded like a cross between techno and death metal playing through the speakers. Shepard fought back the desire to veto her music choice. Jack was making an effort her to be civil, she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Shepard took another drink of the rum and handed the bottle back to Jack before sitting on the couch. Jack flopped down on the perpendicular section of the couch and threw her feet up, leaning her back against the armrest with one arm draped over the side to dangle behind her.

Jack held the bottle out towards Shepard without making any effort to close the distance between the two of them so Shepard got up and took it from her before settling back down into the corner of the couch where it would be easier to pass it back and forth. Shepard took a deep pull of the rum before examining the label. It was strong, stronger than the stuff she'd been buying and it seemed to be a hitting her a little quicker than the rest. She knew it would still take quite a bit to get her drunk but damn if she wasn't going to do her best. She had a couple more bottles tucked away that she could pull out if they were needed. Shepard let her head fall back to rest on the couch.

"Shit, we should blow up that fucking place on Gellix, too," Jack said.

Shepard snorted and rolled her head to look at Jack, "Yeah, maybe. Did you figure out where they had you yet?"

"Yeah, place called Pragia. I'll send you the coordinates. You serious about taking me there to blow the place up?" Jack asked.

"Absolutely. Can't go right away, but I'll get you there before the shit really hits the fan. You've got my word," Shepard said.

Jack chuckled and pitched her voice to sound more like Shepard before saying, "You've got my word."

"Jack," Shepard said.

"Hmm?" Jack asked.

"Stop being such a bitch," Shepard laughed and reached over to shove Jack's boot.

Jack laughed and sat up to snatch the bottle back from Shepard before settling back against the armrest again.

"So, is it those Cerberus implants and shit that's made those scars fade so fast? I've never seen someone heal up like that before," Jack asked.

"Yeah," Shepard said.

"Damn. I was just thinking you could use some ink but I guess it wouldn't take," Jack said.

"Nah, the tattoo would stay, it would just heal a lot faster. I've actually been thinking about asking you to do some work for me but thought it might be a good idea to make sure – you know – you actually like me before letting you put permanent marks on my skin," Shepard said.

"I like you alright, Shepard. You're not bad for Alliance. Still not going to fuck you, but I like you alright," Jack said.

Heat crept up into Shepard's face and Jack smirked.

"OK, so I checked you out let it go, Jack. I'm not trying to fuck you," Shepard said.

"Right, because I haven't heard that one before," Jack said.

Shepard rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"So what were you wanting done? Don't tell me any stupid shit like a flower or Garrus' name," Jack said.

"A phoenix," Shepard said.

"A phoenix? Well, I guess that's slightly less clichéd," Jack said.

"Yeah, but I think it's fitting. Don't you?" Shepard asked.

Jack seemed to contemplate this for a moment before nodding her head and saying, "Yeah, I can see that. The whole death and rebirth thing. If it fits anyone I guess it's you. You should let me draw you up some concept art."

"Thanks, that'd be awesome. I can't draw for shit. I would have been stuck finding something on the extranet for you to work with," Shepard said.

"Fuck that, that's lame. If you're going to put something permanent on your body you need to make it original – unique. Where do you want it?" Jack asked.

"I was thinking in between my shoulder blades. It's not really meant for the whole world to see or anything… just kind of a reminder for myself," Shepard said.

Jack seemed to completely understand that as she nodded her head and asked, "How big?"

Shepard held out her hands, her fingers curled about six inches apart.

"Yeah, I can work with that," Jack said.

"Shepard, Garrus is on his way to your cabin. Shall I let him in?" EDI asked.

"EDI, you don't have to ask for Garrus. He's always welcome," Shepard said.

"Very well, Shepard," EDI said.

"Unrestricted access, huh? Damn, you two must be serious," Jack said.

"Yeah… we've been through a lot together and he knows me better than anyone else. I trust him completely. That's not so easy for me," Shepard said.

"I get that," Jack said.

The cabin door slid open and Garrus walked in, pausing to sniff around the room before stopping at the top of the stairs.

"Am I uh, am I interrupting something?" Garrus asked.

"Ha! She wishes," Jack said.

Shepard sighed and shook her head before waving Garrus over and patting the couch next to her.

"Nah, Jack's too much of a tease. She 'doesn't do Alliance'," Shepard said making air quotes.

Garrus chuckled and sat down next to Shepard, resting his arm across the back of the couch.

"I keep telling you, Shepard, you Alliance types are boring. You couldn't keep up with me," Jack said with a grin.

Garrus chuffed and said, "I wouldn't count on that one, Jack."

Shepard's face reddened again and she stood up from the couch quickly crossing the room to fetch her stash of alcohol, including turian brandy for Garrus. Jack and Garrus' laughter followed her.

"She know how to let loose in the sack? I don't buy it," Jack said.

Shepard returned to the couch with her arms full of bottles and set them on the table before settling back in next to Garrus and handing him the brandy.

"She's insatiable," Garrus said.

"Fuck you both," Shepard said.

"Hmmm. There's an idea," Garrus said.

Jack snorted and took a pull off of the bottle of rum. Garrus looked at the bottle of brandy in his hands and twisted the lid off.

"No glass?" Garrus asked.

"Glasses are for pussies," Shepard said.

"Damn right. She's a fast learner," Jack said.

"Hmmm. Alright. So what are we drinking to?" Garrus asked.

"We are drinking to the marvel that is how incredibly fucked up Cerberus can be," Shepard said.

"And to blowing shit up," Jack added.

"Right, and to blowing shit up," Shepard said.

"I can drink to that," Garrus said tilting the bottle back.