A conversation that might have taken place between Rose and the 9th Doctor, had he had more time before regenerating or not regenerated at all. Set after 'The Parting of the Ways'.
My first ever Doctor Who fic (my first ever fic that isn't Harry Potter, actually!) so please be nice! Constructive crit. welcome.
Disclaimer: Do I LOOK like a television channel to you? Oh, you can't see me. Well, either way, I own nothing, not even the plot, because it was the writers who started the whole romance thing, and my imagination that added to it, and I'm not entirely sure that I own my imagination. Sometimes I think it owns me.
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'Why don't you come in, instead of hanging around that doorframe like an ape? You're letting the draft in.'
Rose jumped. She had been hovering in the doorway to the console room for about ten minutes, watching him silently as he tinkered with the controls of the TARDIS. She hadn't realised he knew she was there the whole time. She stepped inside the room and he didn't look round, simply moved on to another part of the machine, but a voice soon echoed from somewhere under the control panel.
'Still here then?'
She raised her eyebrows in disbelief. 'You seriously think I'm gonna leave now, after all that stuff on Satellite 5?'
'Well,' the voice echoed reasonably, bouncing off the walls, 'seen it all you, haven't you? What was it you said? All that is, all that was, all that ever could be? You can see all that and still want to see more?'
'You do it.' A head popped up, shortly followed by the body of the Doctor.
'S'pose.' He seemed to be at a loss for what to say and instead simply stood, twisting his hammer around and around in his hands.
'What did the hammer do wrong?'
He grinned widely at her for a few seconds before the smile slowly faded off his face. 'I mean it, Rose. You can go home if you want. You've seen too much. You've almost died, what, three times? and each time because of me. You shouldn't've come back in the first place. I sent you home for a reason.'
She shrugged and replied, 'Wasn't gonna leave you to die now was I? I told you. You're stuck with me. And when did we get up to three times? Last time I counted, it was two.'
He was silent, so she continued teasing him. 'I'd've thought you'd be grateful, but maybe you kinda resent being saved by a useless ape.'
'Got it in one. You know me too well.' His attention was back on the controls. 'Do you remember anything you said?'
'I remember a lot of things I've said, Doctor. I've been around nineteen years and talkin' for about seventeen of those.'
'Ha, ha. Very witty.' He said dryly, giving the screen a whack with his hammer.
Rose raised her eyebrows and refrained from asking what the screen had done, and if its crime was worse than the hammer's. 'Should I be worried?'
'As always. Where was I?'
'You were telling me how witty I am.'
He grimaced and pulled down a few levers. The TARDIS jerked and Rose was thrown onto the floor. 'You OK?' He helped her up.
'Yep. Had worse falls.' She brushed the dust off her jacket and decided to sit down this time; she would have a shorter distance to fall if the TARDIS decided to throw her about again. 'You should clean this thing more often.' She commented, wrinkling up her nose at all the dirt. The Doctor made a noise that sounded like 'humph' and returned to the controls.
'Shoulda left you on the floor.'
Five minutes passed before he approached the subject again. 'So, do you remember anything?'
'Dunno. It's a bit blurry.'
'You'd better not have been driving my ship drunk.' He grinned. Rose would have hit him, but he was just out of reach. 'Do you want to know?'
'Don't think I've got much choice. Daleks didn't stop you talking; I'm hardly gonna try.'
'You went a bit weird actually. Said you brought life, but that all things had to come to dust. Never been scared by a companion before,' he mused. 'And – '
'And what?' She prompted, amused at the thought of the Doctor scared by her.
'Said you wanted me safe.' His voice had changed, but she couldn't quite tell how. He sounded uncertain, faltering almost. She'd never heard him like that before, not even when he thought the world was at an end and didn't know what to do. 'That I was your Doctor.'
Rose had opened her mouth to reply but at that she swiftly closed it again, blushing.
'Do you remember that?'
'I don't think it's fair to question anything I said while under the influence of that…light thingy.' She countered, more composedly than she felt. He gave a half-laugh at her choice of words. ''Sides,' she continued, 'I wasn't the one doin' all the kissing.'
'You remember that?' This time he wasn't asking; he was more incredulous.
'Sort of, yeah. I kinda thought I'd dreamt it, but…'
'That wasn't – I had to – ' He was angry with himself, a 900-year-old Time Lord, reduced to a blabbering mess by a little nineteen year old human. He kept his eyes focussed firmly on the wires in front of him.
'Don't worry. It's not like I mind or anything.' She walked up to him, sat crossed-legged on the floor and took one of his hands (both had long since stopped trying to fix whatever was wrong with the TARDIS). After one piercing, burning look in her direction, he dropped her hand and picked up the wire again.
'What's the matter?' She tried to keep her voice and light and teasing to hide the fact that she was actually hurt. 'My hand only good enough to hold when we're in danger or what?'
'We're in danger now.'
'How'd you do that? How'd you always manage to avoid the question?' He was silent, still examining the same piece of simple, unbroken wire he picked up over a minute ago. 'Anyway. P'raps we are, I s'pose we always are, but I reckon we're safer now than – '
'You're never safe with me.' Another look. 'You never will be.'
'Oh, I dunno,' Rose attempted sounding nonchalant. Light and teasing had failed her. 'You've got me outta danger a fair few times.'
'Put you in it, too.' The wire was abandoned and he turned to face her.
'Well, that's what I signed up for.' Nonchalant wasn't working, either. She wasn't sure how she sounded, but it certainly wasn't calm.
'I locked you in a room with a Dalek, or have you forgotten that?'
'I'm still here. Look!' She poked herself in the stomach, bent down and poked him in the arm. 'All here. All real. I told you. You don't get rid of me that easily.'
He ignored her and continued as though she had never spoken, turning his eyes to look right at her. 'On Satellite 5, I thought I'd lost you…twice.' He took her hand back and she struggled not to shiver. 'Thought I'd never be able to do that again,' he said, quietly. Rose tightened her fingers around his, protectively, reassuringly, and thought about saying, 'Oh, so we can hold hands as long as it's on your terms?' but knew it wasn't the right time.
The Doctor seemed to guess what she was thinking; a small grin tugged at the corners of his mouth and his gaze flicked briefly to their hands.
'Can you – do you know what I'm thinking?'
'No!' He assured her hastily, remembering how angry she had been over the simple language-translating power of the TARDIS, accusing it and him of 'getting inside her head' and remaining furious, no matter how much he insisted it was 'in a good way.' 'It's the TARDIS. I just…catch random thoughts sometimes, and you threw that one at me like a tennis ball.'
'Oh. Sorry.' What were you supposed to say to that? Apologising had just seemed best. 'So…what else have you caught?' she asked, trying out casual this time.
'Nothin' important.'
Relief crossed over her features briefly before being over-taken by a frown. 'You wouldn't tell me even if you had, would you?'
He grinned. 'Nope!'
She wanted to rant and storm, but she was far too tired. Instead, she decided to do a little digging into his brain. 'Can it work the other way around? Could I hear what you're thinking?'
'No. Well, it shouldn't, but maybe…since you absorbed the entire time vortex and all that. But I – I got rid of that. If there were any after-effects, you'd still be glowing. I got it out of you, so no, it won't work.'
'When you kissed me, you mean?' Rose grinned herself, delighted to be back in control of the conversation and make him blush for a change.
'Yeah. But it wouldn't matter. I'm too clever. Know how to hide my thoughts, me.' He tapped his head, quickly recovering and Rose rolled her eyes.
'Why bother? I'm sure a 900-year-old who saves the world on a weekly basis could hardly think anything inappropriate for general hearing.'
'You'd be surprised,' he said darkly. 'You just assume all I think about is time, space, extrapolators, things you don't understand, just like you assumed I don't…dance.' He mimicked her accent on the last word.
'Well, you proved me wrong once, I daresay you could do it again.'
The Doctor held out his hands and stood up. 'Dance?'
'I'd rather know what you're thinking,' she protested, despite allowing him to pull her to her feet. 'S'only fair.'
'I'm thinking a dance would be good right about now.' He retorted, flicking on some music and spinning her around. She looked at him from under her arm.
'You know what I mean.'
'Sorry Rose. No can do.'
'Oh, come on, what can you be thinking that's so bad?' He considered her for a long moment, dipped her over his arm to give himself time to think.
'I'm thinking about repeating a certain thing I did on Satellite 5. That's what's bad.' He looked at his feet, counting the steps. They were easier to concentrate on than Rose.
'What, killing more Daleks? But they're – ' He spun her out to the end of his arm before pulling her back in and ceasing to dance, and she suddenly understood. The dancing stance turned into a hug as he wrapped his arms protectively around her waist.
'Oh.'
'I thought I'd killed you,' he mumbled into her hair. 'I thought you were dead. Do you have any idea how much I would have hated myself if I really had?'
Silence filled the TARDIS as the music came to an end and Rose paused to think of a reply. 'You saved me. It wasn't your fault.'
Once again, he continued as though she had never said a word. 'Did you mean what you said?'
'When?'
'On Satellite 5.'
'I said a lot of things on Satellite 5. You might have be more specific, Doctor'. She tried to evade the question, forcing the responsibility to answer on him.
'We're not going down that route again, are we? Been there already today, and I never like to go to the same place twice.' He grinned.
She followed his tactic and ignored him. 'Which part of what I said?'
'That you want me safe.'
''Course I do. Why do you even have to ask? I thought you were supposed to be clever.' She teased, and was prodded sharply in return. 'Ouch. I mean, I would have thought that me flying several thousand years into the future and almost dying for you was a big enough clue, but apparently not.'
'What about 'my Doctor'?'
'I told you it wasn't fair to question – !' She protested, not looking at him, embarrassed and indignant.
'Possessive and defensive.' She hardly knew how to reply.
'Unfair!' Was all she could manage.
'Maybe, but I want to know. And perhaps no-one's told you, but 900-year-old aliens aren't exactly known for their patience.'
'I gathered as much for myself.'
'Now who's avoiding the question?' He grinned at her.
'Don't laugh!' She tried to move away; he just held her tighter, suddenly solemn again.
'Thank you.'
Bewildered by the abrupt change, Rose breathed, 'What for?'
'Saving me. Caring.'
'Oh. Well, ditto then.' He smiled, a true smile as opposed to his usual grin, and let her go before getting back down to the floor and working on the controls.
She thought the conversation was over and turned to go, slightly disappointed, but he proved her wrong once again with, 'Rose?'
'Mmm?'
'You know that we could never…we couldn't be together, right?' He fiddled with the wires rather more irrationally than before.
'Figured as much, yeah.'
Silence. Then: 'Sorry.' He had stopped trying to 'fix' the wire and instead just sat and stared at it, loose in his hand. Even the TARDIS had ceased making noises.
'S'alright.'
'No, it's not.' She had thought she sounded convincing. Perhaps she was wrong.
'You readin' my mind again?'
He laughed. 'No.' She walked back to him, sat on the floor next to him and wrapped her arms around him. Shorter than him even sitting down, her head rested against his chest and he bit back a desire to kiss her hair. Instead, he mimicked her and put his arm around her shoulders.
'It is OK, though. 'Cause you're still here, and you do care, and I can still do this.' He smiled, even though she couldn't see it. 'Now, one more question: what's with the double heartbeat?'