Chapter 17: I'm Not Sorry
Shepard's head hurt. It really, really hurt. So did her arm, come to think of it. She heard herself groan before she realized it was her own voice making the noise. She was moving… being carried by someone. Panic started to bubble up in her chest as she fought to open her eyes and found that she couldn't. Frantic, she started to struggle, putting her hands against the chest of whoever had her and tried to push herself up. Pain lanced through her right shoulder but she ignored it.
"Be still, Shepard. You are injured," a hushed voice said.
That voice. She knew that voice. Whose voice was it? She felt relief with that voice, and then just a touch of fear. Shepard pushed again and the movement stopped.
"Shepard, you must be still and quiet, there are others still looking for us," the voice said again.
Thane. The voice belonged to Thane. Why was Thane carrying her? Where were they?
"Thane?" Shepard whispered her eyes finally starting to cooperate.
Her eyelids fluttered once, twice, three times but her vision was blurry and wherever they were it was dark. She could just make out the silhouette of Thane's head and chest. He chuckled lightly when she said his name.
"Yes, now be still, you are not light in this armor," Thane said.
"What are you doing? Put me down," Shepard said.
"No, you are not ready to walk on your own," he said.
"What happened?" Shepard asked.
He paused and she could see him looking down at her but it was too dark for her to make out the expression on his face. The movement started again, ratcheting the throbbing in her head up to a whole new level, making her rather glad he wasn't going to put her down just yet. She moved her hand to her shoulder and her finger found two holes ripped in her armor.
"You were attacked by a group of turians. They are now dead and you are not, that is all that matters right now," Thane said.
"Then who is following us?" Shepard asked.
Thane sighed and said, "More turians."
"Jane? Jane what happened?" Shepard thought.
Jane was silent.
Shepard tried to remember what happened, the attack and how she ended up being spirited away by the drell assassin but she was coming up blank. She replayed what she could remember instead; maybe it would jog something loose.
Varcus. She remembered Varcus and his talk of The Dissension. Was that what this attack was about? She remembered calling in Anderson and Sparatus. She remembered leaving C-Sec and having a dinner with Garrus and Grundan Krul. She remembered telling Grundan Krul about the plan to destroy the Alpha Relay, and evacuating the Bahak System. She swore that she was doing everything that she could to protect batarian lives. He didn't have much to say about that matter, and it struck Shepard as very odd, even for him. He only asked why it was necessary, and what she needed him to do. She remembered being worried about his silence, worried what he might be thinking and whether he was going to end up being a problem later.
"Jane?" Shepard thought.
She remembered telling Garrus and Grundan Krul about the Council's decision to place trained representatives on the Normandy for the Bahak mission. She remembered teasing Garrus about how pleased he sounded at the prospect of spending time with Altiria Eraslius and him teasing her right back about James being her teacher's pet. She remembered getting the message from Mordin just as they were leaving the restaurant. Garrus said he would talk to Grundan Krul and the two of them returned to the Normandy while she went to meet Mordin.
"Jane, gods damn it, answer me!" Shepard thought.
Mordin. Gods, how had she forgotten about the video with Jane proclaiming that Mordin had to die to cure the genophage. She remembered being so angry with herself and trying desperately to explain it to Mordin, but him not wanting to hear her explanation. He just kept saying that he understood, she didn't need to explain. He knew what needed to be done. Mordin had walked away from her, leaving her holding the laptop under her arm and the OSD tucked away between her shoulder and her armor.
"Fuck!" Shepard said.
"Shhh," Thane warned.
"Thane put me down, put me down. I have to see if it's still there," Shepard pleaded trying to pull off her gauntlet.
Thane stopped and put Shepard down, leaning her against a wall. Pain ripped through her left thigh when she put her full weight down. She swooned with the wave of dizziness that washed over her and for a moment thought she might be sick. Concussion, she thought. Definitely not her first, and most likely not her last. She fumbled with her gauntlets, swaying on her feet. Thane gently pushed her back against the wall and took over the task for her. As soon as her hands were free, Shepard was digging around under the rim of her armor. Her right arm wasn't moving up as high as she liked so she had to switch to using her left hand, which was difficult to get at the right angle under her armor to search but finally she managed. She breathed a sigh of relief when her fingers found the OSD.
"Oh thank gods," Shepard whispered.
"We should keep moving. Are you able to walk on your own?" Thane asked.
"I… yeah, just give me a minute," Shepard said opening her omni-tool.
She frowned when she found all of her Medi-gel was already gone.
"Where's my helmet, we can radio the Normandy. If we're being pursued we can have back up here in a matter of minutes," Shepard said.
"You weren't wearing it when I found you," Thane said.
"Jane what the hell happened?" Shepard thought.
Shepard frowned and looked at her omni-tool, the icon for messages flashed irritatingly at her. She touched the icon and the screen popped up with three unread messages from Garrus, two from James, and fourteen from EDI. Shepard touched Garrus' name and then hit the command to call his omni-tool.
"Spirits! Shepard, where the hell are you? Why haven't you been responding?" Garrus demanded the moment he answered the call.
"I don't know, but I think we're going to need back up," Shepard said.
"Where?" Garrus asked again.
Shepard looked to Thane, his face now softly illuminated by the glow of her omni-tool. He gestured towards her omni-tool and she nodded, turning her arm so that Garrus could see Thane as well. Garrus' mandibles closed in around his face when he saw the drell.
"We are in the Factory District of the Zachera Ward. Shepard was attacked by at least thirty armed turians, more are in pursuit. She was knocked unconscious, I believe she may have a concussion and she's been shot," Thane said in a hushed tone.
"Probably," Shepard said.
"Was it The Dissension?" Garrus asked already on the move.
"I don't know. I can't remember. Last thing I remember is watching Mordin walk away," Shepard said.
"Spirits, Shepard, that was three hours ago. We've been trying to find you for the last two hours after Vega and the others arrived. They said you messaged them and told them to meet you at the Normandy within the hour but you never showed up," Garrus said. "Miranda is convinced that the Illusive Man had you abducted and Vega went to report your absence to Anderson. Half the Council thinks you're AWOL the other half thinks you've been captured. They've got C-Sec scouring the Citadel looking for you."
Garrus was at the Normandy's airlock and half of the team was already gathered behind him including the Council Four.
"This isn't a part of your mission, Vega," Garrus said.
"Doesn't matter, I'm going," James said checking his thermal clips.
"We are under Commander Shepard's command until the Council relieves us," Altiria said. "It is our duty to provide her with the backup she has requested."
"Shepard?" Garrus asked.
"Yeah, if they're volunteering. I don't know how many are out there and I'm out of Medi-gel," Shepard said.
"I must move her, we've waited here too long," Thane said.
"Alright, we're on our way," Garrus said cutting the call.
Shepard closed her omni-tool and slid her gauntlets back on her blood slickened hand. She pushed away from the wall and swayed again. Thane slid his hand under her arm and she held out a hand.
"I'm good, really. I just need to move slow if we can," she said.
"Very well," Thane said before crouching down and creeping forward.
"Jane damn it you'd better start talking. This had better not be one of your gods damn fits," Shepard thought.
Shepard's eyes had adjusted enough that she was able to make out the shipping containers stacked up around them, casting shadows over the area and keeping the dim strips of lights half way down the walls from reaching them. Shepard could hear movement echoing off the containers and warehouse walls, she listened carefully, tracing the sounds to the far end of the warehouse as she crouched and followed Thane. She could never be as quiet as him, at least not in full armor but she did her best and hoped that those pursuing her were making more than enough noise to cover her own.
They moved from shipping container to shipping container. Shepard pulled out her pistol and checked the thermal clip before moving to the next container. She heard a shot fired and ducked back into cover, pressing her back to the container and biting off a curse as pain lanced through her thigh. Thane was at the other end a shadow among shadows. Another shot fired and Shepard heard it hit the container she just left. They were trying to flush her out. She was bleeding they should be able to smell her, she thought. Maybe they were just being cautious, didn't want to get too close to her until they could see her. She glanced back to where Thane was and couldn't make out his form among the shadows anymore. Her eyes trailed up the side of the container and she caught the faintest movement at the top.
Shepard peered around the edge of the container and could see forms moving her way. She counted five based on the breaks in the lighting runners along the wall. She raised her pistol and waited a moment before peering out again. They had split up and one of them was heading right towards her. She waited, hoping to not give her exact position away until the last possible moment. The turian stopped to peer down between two other containers before moving forward again. Shepard pulled away from the edge so he wouldn't see her. A few seconds later she heard a soft thump and peered around again. The turian lay dead on the ground, left in the aisle. Thane was nowhere to be seen.
A minute and two more random shots fired later and Thane appeared in front of Shepard sliding a hand over her mouth before she could gasp or scream from being startled. He moved his hand to her arm and guided her back the way they came. They made it down three more shipping containers when the overhead lights suddenly came on. Shepard winced and stumbled as her concussed brain revolted at the sudden onslaught of light.
"There, she's over there!" someone yelled.
"Shit," Shepard said trying to force her eyes to focus as she dove for the next shipping container.
The turian who spotted her wasted no time raining shots down on her location. She waited for a pause in the sparks flying from the shower of bullets hitting the container before returning fire. Her aim was leaving something to be desired in her current state; both shots barely grazed her target. Shepard ducked back behind the container and switched to something that required less precision. She pulled out her assault rifle and checked the thermal clip before activating her Incendiary Ammo. When the gunfire halted once more, she could hear the echoing sounds of people running to move in on her location. She glanced around and swore under her breath when Thane was nowhere to be seen once more.
Shepard moved as quietly and as quickly as she could down to the opposite end of the shipping container before peering around the edge. The coast was clear so she rounded the corner and crept down to the next edge. The asshole that had been firing at her was now lying dead in the aisle. She peered in all directions before cutting across the aisle diagonally to the next row of containers. She was trying to make her way back closer to where her crew would be coming in at and she could only hope she was headed in the right direction and not putting more distance between them and herself.
"Jane… please," Shepard thought.
She continued to edge forward, moving from container to container and cutting across aisles drastically altering where the turians last spotted her at. Her head was throbbing and the bright lights were causing spots to dance before her eyes. Her shoulder and thigh weren't feeling much better. She didn't know how much blood she had already lost but she could feel the warm fluid pooled in her boot and making her under armor stick and pull at her skin around her chest and sides when she twisted at the waist. Shepard stopped and pressed her back to a shipping container, taking in slow, deep breaths.
"I AM KROGAN!" Grunt's voice echoed off the walls.
"Hello, dead people!" Jack's voice came in the wake of Grunt's cry.
They were the most beautiful sounds in the world. Their voices were followed by the sounds of battle, a battle that she now knew she wouldn't lose. If she could just make herself move again. The lights seemed like they were getting brighter and the room started to spin. Shepard squeezed her eyes closed again and resumed her deep breathing. She refused to pass out. Gentle hands cradled her head and her eyes flew open. Thane's face swam before her eyes, he was frowning but for some reason she just couldn't figure out why. He was covered in blood, so much blood. She didn't know he had been hurt. Shepard's vision tilted until she was looking at the ceiling, only then did she realize he had picked her up again.
She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing but found herself focusing on his breathing instead. Carrying her extra weight was taxing him; she could hear the faintest wheeze from his chest when the sounds of gunfire and people screaming in agony paused long enough for her to pick up on the sound.
"Please don't die this time," Shepard muttered.
Thane looked down at her before she passed out.
"Shepard. Shepard. Need to wake up," Mordin's voice cut through the fog.
A bright light shone in her eyes and she pulled her head away from the source, sending a shooting pain through her shoulder and setting her head on fire.
"Not good. Pupillary response indicates concussion. Significant blood loss. No exit wounds. Apply Medi-gel now, remove bullets and debris later," Mordin said.
"Why are you even talking about it? Just do it already!" Garrus said.
Shepard tried to turn her head to find him but Mordin tightened his grip on her chin.
"Stay still. Skull may not have been sufficiently healed from surgery. Impact location unknown, might have broken still mending bone," Mordin said.
Shepard groaned and let her eyes flutter closed once more.
"Jane?" Shepard thought.
"I checked there first when I found her, there was a slight give," Thane said from somewhere to her left.
Mordin made a tsking sound before saying, "Helmet would have prevented this."
"I don't know where it's at," Shepard said.
"Clearly not where it should be," Mordin said before she felt the cool flooding of Medi-gel through her suits release.
"Thane's hurt, too," Shepard muttered.
"It's your blood, Shepard. And turian," Garrus said. "What the hell were you even doing? How'd you know where she was?"
"It was chance," Thane said.
"Right," Garrus said after a spurt of fire from his assault rifle.
"I was returning to the Normandy when I saw a trail of turian blood. I followed the trail, and found Shepard unconscious and surrounded by dead turians. Others were coming; I picked her up and carried her away. I was cutting through here when she awoke again," Thane said.
Mordin shone the light in her eyes again and Shepard let loose a string of expletives.
"Get that gods damn thing out of my face, Mordin before I shove it up your cloaca," Shepard said.
Garrus laughed as Mordin sniffed with indignation and turned the light off.
"Need to monitor pupillary response," Mordin said.
"It would be less painful if you used an icepick right now," Shepard said.
Mordin opened his omni-tool and began scanning Shepard's head.
"Excess pressure in the skull. Implants should be preventing that," Mordin said before speaking into his mic. "Miranda, need you here."
Shepard couldn't hear Miranda's response but Mordin didn't seem to accept whatever she said.
"Fluid retention in Shepard's skull. Faulty implants. Could just drill hole to release pressure," Mordin said.
Shepard's eyes widened and her hands clenched into a fist. She was even more concerned that not even that elicited a response from Jane. Surely she should be rambling about drilling and scraping.
"Not happening, Mordin," Garrus growled.
"No need. Miranda's on her way," Mordin said.
They sat in silence while they waited. Shepard kept her eyes on Mordin, he watched her with the clinical scrutiny of a doctor until she mouthed the words 'I'm sorry'. His eyes softened and he gave her a reassuring smile.
"Don't be," Mordin said before turning his gaze past Shepard. "Ah! Miranda, good you're here."
Miranda knelt down in front of Shepard and opened her omni-tool performing her own scans.
"Damn it," Miranda said. "It's alright, Shepard. I can fix this."
She did something with her omni-tool before gently pulling Shepard forward by the good shoulder and cupping the back of Shepard's head. Shepard knew the exact moment Miranda felt the scar at the back of her head and realized what it meant. Miranda's jaw dropped open and a look of confusion followed by panic brushed over her eyes. Miranda wasn't one to let any emotion show that she didn't want to be seen, so the look was gone as fast as it arrived. She tore her eyes away from Shepard's and focused on what she was doing. With her hand on Shepard's head she touched her omni-tool again and Shepard felt a jolt of electricity rip through her body.
"Son-of-a-bitch," Shepard yelled through clenched teeth.
"Just a second more… there," Miranda said pulling her hand away.
"What the fuck was that? I swear the two of you are torturing me," Shepard said reaching for her head only to have Mordin slap her hand away.
"Recalibration… I'm… I'm sorry," Miranda said.
Shepard knew that she wasn't talking about the electrical jolt. Miranda was on her feet again, pistol out and biotics flaring as she moved back towards the sounds of battle. Within seconds Shepard could feel the pressure in her skull receding and with it some of the pain. She blinked her eyes a few times as everything around her seemed to dim. Mordin clicked his penlight on again and when Shepard didn't through a fit, he shone it into each of her eyes.
"Better, but best you stay still for now," Mordin said before he too was on his feet and drawing his pistol.
"I wanna shoot the bad guys, too," Shepard grumbled under her breath.
"Spirits, woman, you killed thirty of them by yourself by the sound of things," Garrus said. "Just listen to Mordin and stay down."
"Fine," Shepard said. "Oh look, Bailey's here."
Shepard watched as the area behind her team flooded with C-Sec. Guns turned towards her team and Bailey signaled them to hold fire. He spotted Shepard sitting propped against the low metal wall and made a beeline for her moving from cover to cover. Bailey crouched down in front of her, his fingertips spread against the floor.
"Shepard, Christ, what happened to you?" Bailey asked.
"Don't know, concussion," Shepard said pointing to her head.
"There must be at least twenty-five dead turians piled up outside and God knows how many more in here! Is this related to Varcus? Because I've got some bad news, Varcus is dead. Marcedus is MIA. I don't know if it's connected or not, but it looks like someone shot Varcus right in his cell and killed the two guards that were watching him," Bailey said.
"You're kidding?" Garrus asked.
Bailey looked up at Garrus and said, "I wish I was. The Council is pissed. I get the call from them that you're missing just as I'm standing over Varcus' corpse. Now I've got them breathing down my neck and half of C-Sec looking for her, the other half looking for Marcedus."
The sounds of battle were ebbing and C-Sec officers were spreading out to secure the area. A few minutes later and the gunfire had ceased completely. Bailey helped her to her feet as Shepard carefully tested her tolerance for being upright. The last thing she wanted to do was pass out again. The pain was still there but she wasn't feeling any nausea or vertigo so it was a win in her book. She looked around and saw the Council Four moving to her location, each pushing a captured turian in front of them with the barrels of their guns. Jack came sauntering back from behind the shipping containers a smug smile on her face. A few seconds later and Grunt came from the other direction smeared in turian blood. Samara wasn't far behind him. Soon they were all gathered back at Shepard's location and C-Sec was left collecting bodies.
Garrus slipped an arm around her waist and started leading her towards the exit. Bailey moved to Shepard's other side and offered her his arm in support. She smiled and accepted the arm; shoving her pride down she let herself be grateful for the aid. Bailey motioned to a handful of officers who jogged over to take charge of the prisoners taken by the Council Four.
When they got back out of the Factory District and Shepard saw the massacre waiting outside all marked off with police tape she stopped in her tracks. Garrus looked down at her with worry but she just held up a finger and let her eyes roam over the corpses. She limped away from him and Bailey and hesitated over a pile of five or so corpses before she started pulling at the bodies.
"Shepard, what are you doing?" Garrus asked.
Shepard grunted in response as she tugged at the corpses. Garrus came over to help her until she saw what she was looking for. She grabbed ahold of her helmet and wriggled it free of the bodies. It dripped with blue blood. Jack stopped next to Shepard and held her hand out.
"Let me see it," she said.
Shepard handed her the helmet and Jack created a thin layer of biotic energy around her hand before running it slowly over the surface of the helmet. The blood sluiced off as the biotic energy acted like a squeegee over the smooth surface. Jack handed the mostly clean helmet back to Shepard with a smirk.
"Neat trick I learned to get blood off my car, when I had one," Jack said.
"Do I even want to know why your car was covered in blood?" Shepard asked.
"Probably not, Alliance," Jack said.
"Well, thanks," Shepard said tucking the helmet under her arm.
"You remember this now?" Garrus asked waving a hand around.
"Not really... just bits," Shepard said.
"Will come back to you," Mordin said.
"When it does, it would sure help get my ass out of trouble with the Council if you could fill us in," Bailey said.
"Sure thing, Bailey. I'll fill out a report as soon as I'm patched up and I've been allowed to sleep," Shepard said.
"Thanks, Commander. I better get back in there. Hey, try to make it back to the Normandy without any more fights, will ya? I'd like to get some sleep tonight myself," Bailey said.
Shepard chuckled and immediately followed it up with a groan.
"Sure thing, thanks again, Bailey," Shepard said.
Shepard made her way back to the Normandy surrounded on all sides by her crew. She wasn't surprised to find that James had managed to take up the position to her left and wrapped his arm above Garrus' across her lower back. At some point she wasn't doing much walking, they were barely letting her feet touch the floor. They got her back on the ship and took her straight to Dr. Chakwas who had already prepped the med bay and was waiting for her with a hospital gown.
"Shepard!" Lia said exiting the AI Core with Legion. "Keelah, we were so worried."
"Shepard-Commander, you have been injured," Legion said as his optics expanded and contracted.
"It's alright guys, I'm going to be fine. I've had worse, trust me," Shepard said taking the gown from Dr. Chakwas.
Garrus helped her out of her armor while the others left the room. She hissed when he gently pulled the fabric of her under armor away from her wounded shoulder. The bleeding had finally stopped with Mordin's Medi-gel application but it had dried, fusing the fabric to the wounds. Blood began to trickle down her chest as the fabric pulled away the clotted blood. Dr. Chakwas was there with clean gauze and antiseptic wash. She began cleaning the wound and staunching the bleeding until Shepard was stripped down and sitting on her table with the gown draped over the other shoulder. Her thigh was a mess, skin and muscles torn to ribbons with what looked like pieces of metal and cement embedded under the skin.
"I can't hear Jane," Shepard said.
"Maybe she's in shock?" Garrus offered.
"We'll worry about Jane later, we need to take care of you now," Dr. Chakwas said.
Garrus held on to her hand as Dr. Chakwas began digging around in her shoulder wounds. Shepard hissed through clenched teeth and closed her eyes. When the doctor was done she cleaned the wounds out making it feel like she was driving a hot poker into Shepard's shoulder. Finally she slathered it with Medi-gel and covered it with a bandage before repeating the process on her thigh, which Shepard was displeased to find, was not any less painful. She listened to the sound of tiny fragments of shrapnel being dropped into a metal pan and tried to keep her breathing even. Dr. Chakwas took off her gloves and threw them in the pan with the bullets and shrapnel before running scans on Shepard's head.
"Definitely fractured. Looks like the pressure is normalizing. You're going to have one hell of a headache for a couple of days at least, but with your implants you should be back on your feet in no time," Dr. Chakwas said.
"I need to be back on my feet tomorrow," Shepard said.
"Commander, this isn't going to heal that quickly, and not even your stubbornness is going to make that happen," Dr. Chakwas said.
"Doesn't matter, there are big things happening doc, and lives counting on me to do what needs to be done," Shepard said.
"Why do I even bother?" Dr. Chakwas asked.
"Because you know without you I'd be dead for sure," Shepard said.
Dr. Chakwas smiled and patted Shepard's uninjured leg before telling Garrus, "You can take her upstairs and get her cleaned up. See if you can convince her to at least stay in bed for the night. Give her two of these that should do the trick."
Dr. Chakwas handed Garrus a bottle and he turned it over in his fingers reading the label and nodding. He slid his arm around Shepard and helped her down off of the table. When they made it to the med bay door it opened up to show James lingering around outside. He grinned when he saw Shepard in the hospital gown and moved to her other side.
"I can walk on my own," Shepard said.
"And I can carry you if you don't let us help," Garrus said.
"Fine," Shepard said with a sigh.
James slid his arm around Shepard and asked, "Where to?"
Garrus nodded towards the elevator and said, "Top deck."
They got her up to her cabin and Garrus opened the bathroom door. James let go of Shepard and Garrus maneuvered her into the room and started the shower leaving her sitting on the toilet.
"We gonna give her a shower?" James asked.
"He's going to give me a shower," Shepard said.
"What I did all that heavy lifting and don't get to help? Ah, c'mon," James said.
Shepard chuckled. Garrus handed James the bottle of pills and said.
"Convince her to take two of these without her biting off your fingers and I'll let you help get her undressed," Garrus said.
"I will shoot you both," Shepard said.
James shrugged and said, "How? You have a piece hidden under that gown; because I got to say Ídolo it might be worth it to see you draw a gun from under there."
Shepard snorted while James filled up the glass sitting on the sink and sat it next to her before opening the bottle and dumping two of them into his palm. He looked at the label again before twisting the cap back on.
"Hey, c'mon, Ídolo. The doc gave you the good stuff. You won't feel anything soon," James said holding his hand out to Shepard.
She scoffed but took the pills from him. Shepard threw the pills into the back of her throat and chased them with the glass of water.
"If only that were true, James," Shepard said.
"A dose like that for a little thing like you? You'll be fine," James said.
"The Cerberus implants altered the effectiveness of chemicals on her. The good side, it's harder to poison her, the down side it's harder for her to poison herself. She can barely get drunk and painkillers aren't as effective," Garrus said helping Shepard to her feet.
"Damn… well… yeah, I got nothing," James said shrugging again. "I'll get out of here. If you need anything let me know."
"Thanks James," Shepard said.
"De nada," James said and left the cabin.
"Why does my translator lag so much when he talks?" Garrus asked helping Shepard out of her gown.
"He switches between two different languages a lot. Mixes them together," Shepard said.
"Ah. Alright, you can't get right under the water so I'm going to lean you against this wall and get in with you," Garrus said.
"Mmmmm. Sounds good to me," Shepard said with a grin.
"Yeah, that's not going to happen," Garrus said and chuffed when she stuck out her lip in a pout.
Garrus got Shepard cleaned up in the shower but despite his best efforts he wasn't able to keep the bandages dry and had to replace them when she was out again. The painkillers were starting to kick in as he helped her into bed and crawled in next to her. Shepard looked over at the terrarium light and realized that sand and little stone caves had been put in while she was gone.
"Oh is my snake here?" Shepard asked.
Garrus glanced at the tank as he pulled the covers up over them and said, "I don't know, Shepard. Get some sleep. We'll check in the morning."
Garrus stretched out against her side and wrapped his arm around her before draping one of his legs over her shins. Shepard's eyebrows twitched even as her eyes fell closed.
"Are you pinning me to the bed, Vakarian?" Shepard asked.
"Shhh, get some sleep," Garrus said.
And so she did, but it was not peaceful. The dreams came too soon.
Shepard was walking back towards C-Sec carrying the laptop tucked under one arm. The Citadel had quieted, at least the Zakera Wards as most people returned to their homes with the Citadel cycled to its 'night' mode. Automatic lights throughout the Citadel had dimmed and most businesses had closed down.
She stopped in her tracks when she heard a gun fire, her head snapped up and her eyes scanned the area even as she drew her pistol. A turian raced around the corner, leaving C-Sec with a pistol in his hand. He turned his head in her direction, his eyes meeting hers for a heartbeat before he bolted in the other direction. Shepard tossed the laptop into the dirt of the nearest planter as she took off after the turian. She didn't get but a few steps when the C-Sec officer from earlier, Marcedus raced out of C-Sec in pursuit. He paused long enough to evaluate Shepard's charging form as friend and not foe before running after the other turian.
They moved faster than Shepard and they had a head start on her. She pumped her legs harder trying to catch up. The turian disappeared around a corner and a couple of seconds later Marcedus was gone from her sight as well. Shepard heard three gunshots ring out and pushed herself even harder. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage and her chest was heaving, sucking at the air desperately trying to pull in enough oxygen to accommodate the sudden burst of adrenaline and cardio.
She slowed to a stop to press her back to the corner of the wall and peered around. She recognized the area; they were just outside of the Factory District. Marcedus was lying on the ground surrounded by a rapidly growing pool of blood. Shepard didn't see the turian he was pursuing anywhere. She slowly edged around the corner and crept towards Marcedus. She crouched down to try to feel for a pulse when she realized she wasn't even sure if she would find it in the same location as she would a human. Shepard cursed herself, how could she be in love with a turian and not even know how to check his pulse.
She stood up and moved down the wall to the next corner and looked in all directions. She strained to hear the sound of feet running or anything but all she could hear was her own heart pushing blood through her body. Shepard moved back down to Marcedus and tried to get a response out of him. There was too much blood for her to see where he was hit and she couldn't get him to open his eyes. She wasn't sure if his chest was moving or not, the lighting was dim enough to play tricks on her eyes. Shepard glanced around again and took off her helmet before moving her head to put her ear closer to the turian's face.
He was still breathing. Shepard opened her omni-tool and loaded up her Medi-gel. She had three applications left and cursed herself for forgetting to refill on the Normandy again. She slid the cartridge into Marcedus suit and hacked herself into the suits release before activating the Medi-gel. The bleeding slowed but he was still unconscious, she closed the app and started to place a call to C-Sec to report an officer down when something hard slammed into the back of her head. Shepard's arms flailed and she tried to brace herself but felt herself falling forward onto Marcedus. Jane was raging, pushing in Shepard's mind as she lost consciousness.
And then… and then her eyes were opening again and she was pulling herself to her feet but something was off about it. She felt removed from the action somehow, like it wasn't her making the movements.
"No! Jane, no! What are you doing? Don't do this!" Dawn yelled.
"I'm saving us, Dawn," Jane thought.
Dawn yelled and pushed, trying to force herself back into the position of control but found the effort completely futile. Then she heard the whispering. The insane sounds surrounding her just out of sight. Who's there? Dawn asked. We are. We are here. All of us. The voice was masculine and somehow more solid than the others. She's in here? She's in here with us but she hasn't died yet. How can she be in here with us? A feminine voice asked. Can't be here, can't be. Doesn't work that way. Still another voice insisted. Jane is gone! Jane is out there but we're still in here. Dawn was having trouble telling how many different people were speaking. She tried to turn her head to follow the sounds but even in her own mind she didn't have that control.
"Jane! Jane let me out of here," Dawn yelled.
"A little busy here, Dawn!" Jane thought.
Dawn watched in horror as she was surrounded by turians creeping out of the shadows and moving in on her. Biotics flared up around her but she couldn't feel them, couldn't control them. Her head throbbed somewhere in the distance. Dawn watched as her hand flew out and a Shockwave slammed into a handful of turians in front of her. I want to play. How come Jane gets to play but I can't?! One of the other Shepards said. Because she figured out how to make it work. I don't know how she did it, but you can bet your ass I'm taking a turn next. One of the masculine voices said, this one sounded harsher, his tone almost cruel. No, no one else is taking a turn. This is my body gods damn it! Doesn't look like you get to make that call anymore, Commander. Another female Shepard responded.
The turians were piling up around her but she was taking hits. Jane circled around, getting into a position of at least partial cover before activating the Medi-gel release. Oh gods. Gods. Jane let me out of here! You killed Liara. A feminine voice said. What? You. Killed. Liara. Vehemence seethed in the other voice. That wasn't supposed to happen. Damn right it wasn't supposed to happen but you fucked up and now Liara is dead! Dead, Dawn. She doesn't get to come back; she doesn't get to live again. She was the love of my life and you fucking killed her! The voice yelled at her, almost seeming to echo off the inside of her skull and rattle at Dawn's teeth. She was my love, my lovely blue lady. Another voice trilled gleefully. No, she was mine! She was mine first. Don't touch her! More and more voices were pushing forward. Dawn was starting to feel frantic.
There were just a few turians left but Jane had already used the last of the Medi-gel and her shields where down.
"Damn it," Jane said.
"Come out, Shepard. This doesn't have to end with your death, but it is one way to get the job done," a turian called out to her.
"Fuck you, asshole," Jane said before popping out of cover and firing her pistol.
The shot tore through the turian's civilian clothes. Jane couldn't believe the idiots were coming after her without proper gear. Didn't they know who the hell she was? The turian began to panic and slap at his chest as he burst into flames from the Incendiary Ammo. Jane smirked. Gods this felt good. Until the proximity mine she missed on the planter exploded, sending bits of metal and stone tearing through her armor and ripping up her thigh.
"Ahh! Fuck," Jane yelled dropping back into cover.
She activated her Reave and wrapped the offending turian up in the swirling energy, revealing in the sensation as her biotics pulled the life right out of him and pumped it back into her. She stuck her head out long enough to fire off a few more rounds. Grinning as the sound of another body hitting the floor reached her ears. Jane pulled herself up and edged her way to the other end of the planter and peered around.
"All the little ducks lined up in a row," Jane whispered.
One of the turians' head jerked towards the sound of her voice and Jane shot him in the face. He fell back on his ass screaming in agony as blue blood poured out of him, sizzling with the heat of the Incendiary Ammo. The two others stood and ran, firing back at her as they went. Jane returned fire until they ducked behind cover. She waited long seconds in silence waiting for them to show themselves again. When they didn't, she stood and ran the best she could on her injured leg for a better vantage point. They caught her out in the open, firing at her in unison. Her shields dropped again and two bullets slammed into her shoulder just before she made it to cover.
"Jane! For the love of gods, let me out of here!" Dawn yelled.
"Almost done, just two left," Jane thought.
Jane inched forward, ignoring the sting of her injuries and peered around the corner. The two turians were moving forward, in on her position. Jane smirked and open fired, catching one of them in the chest and the other in the shoulder. They cursed and she ducked back behind the wall. Only one gun returned fire on her position as Jane pulled up her biotics around her preparing for a Charge. She ducked back out of cover and activated the Charge, slamming into the turian she shot in the shoulder and knocking him back on his ass. Jane fired at him twice more as he tried to scramble for the gun he dropped when she hit him. He didn't get very far before he collapsed into a pool of his own blood. She turned and fired at the turian with the chest wound just for good measure.
Jane stood, chest heaving in the middle of the open hall. Nothing but dead turians surrounded her.
"Where the hell is C-Sec? Really? That much noise and no one is coming to see what the hell is going on?" Jane thought.
"Jane, gods damn it. Let me out, please, oh gods please let me out," Dawn said.
Jane limped her way back to Marcedus. He was half buried under other dead turian's now. She struggled against the burning and tearing sensation in her left thigh to knell down. Marcedus was still alive so she started to pull him free.
"What's the matter, Dawn? You sound a little upset?" Jane thought.
"Fuck you, Jane! Fuck you!" Dawn yelled as she pushed her will against Jane's.
"Are they making you feel welcome in there? It's amazing. I can't hear them at all. Finally, silence. Well, except for you," Jane thought.
"Jane you can't do this, the others will know," Dawn insisted.
"Relax, Dawn. I'm going to let you back out… eventually," Jane thought. "Right after I take care of a few things."
"What things? What are you talking about? Jane. Jane answer me. What are you talking about?" Dawn demanded.
"Oh, I don't know. I think it's time Miranda and I have a talk about those control chips. Maybe I'll have a little talk with Mordin about his little experiment while I'm at it, too. And Thane. Well, he'll have to know that if he ever threatens me again, I'll hand him his nuts on a platter. It's funny that, now that I'm out here and you're in there, I don't feel much of anything for the assassin really," Jane thought.
Jane heard something. Her eyes scanned across the area trying to find the source of the sound. Dawn raged away inside of her and Jane grinned at the sensation. Damn it was good being in control for a change. She pushed herself back to her feet and started to towards the sound but found that her legs didn't want to move for her so well. She felt tired and weak; it felt like she had lead weights strapped to her legs and was trying to walk under water. Just like she was back in N7 training again.
"No…," Jane said before she collapsed.
Shepard's eyes flew open and darted across the room, taking in the soft glow of the terrarium and Garrus sitting on the couch across the room working on a laptop. Her head was pounding and she was sore all over.
"Shepard?" Garrus said standing up and crossing over to her.
"Thank the gods. Ow. Ow. Ow," Shepard said as she threw the covers off of her and sat up.
"You fucking bitch," Shepard thought.
There was still no response from Jane.
"Hey, take it slow. Why don't you get some more sleep, it's still night cycle," Garrus said.
"My head is killing me and I need to use the restroom," Shepard said.
"Alright, let me help you," Garrus said sliding a hand under her arm.
Shepard let him help her to the bathroom where she relieved herself and splashed cold water on her face. When she came out again he handed her a glass of water and two more painkillers. He waited while she swallowed them before leading her back to the bed.
"Why are you still up?" Shepard asked.
"I can't sleep. Doing some research on The Dissension," Garrus said.
"Find anything?" Shepard asked.
His mandibles flared and he shook his head.
"Will you lay down with me until I get back to sleep?" Shepard asked.
"Yeah, of course," Garrus said moving to the other side of the bed and pushing the pillows around to get comfortable.
Shepard carefully rolled over enough that she could rest her head in the crook of his arm without putting too much pressure on her shoulder. She pressed her lips against the warm metal plating of his chest and he gave her a contented hum. She closed her eyes and let the sounds of Garrus' breathing carry her back off to sleep.
"I'm not sorry," Jane said just before Shepard slipped into oblivion.