The Lives and Deaths of Commander Shepard

by MosaicCreme

The essence that is Commander Shepard has fought the battle against the Reapers more times than she can count, only to find herself right back where it all started. Never the exact same body, never the same first name or history. The disembodied voice struggles to break her way through to the consciousness of her current incarnation, trying to find a way to break her own cycle.

46. Chapter 23: Phoenix

Chapter 23: Phoenix

"Mordin, tell me about the salarian's wheel of life," Shepard said.

She was sitting with her feet propped up on a desk in front of her while Garrus and Mordin worked at the main console trying to pinpoint the nature of the sabotage. She had her fingers interlocked behind her head and was testing her balance by tipping the chair backwards.

"Anticipated this question. Seeking out answers in religious context common for humans. For many species," Mordin said.

Shepard turned her head to look at Mordin and felt the chair start to slip. She dropped her legs and threw out an arm to brace herself, bringing the chair back down to the floor. Mordin was on his back beneath the console, wires hanging down around him while Garrus did something at the back. They'd been at work on the Shroud for over an hour and Shepard was getting restless. She had tried to help at first, but quickly found herself way in over her head. Mordin had finally shooed her out of their way.

"Well?" Shepard asked.

"Aware human religions cover such concepts as well?" Mordin said.

"Of course," Shepard said.

"But not satisfied with answers human religions provide. Seek out other species religions. Won't give adequate explanation for Jane because not religious person. Could search until found exact match to experience, still wouldn't be satisfied," Mordin said.

"I might be satisfied. Not that it would matter, it wouldn't change anything. I'd still be stuck in here with all of them while you made a mockery out of everything I worked so hard for in my life," Jane said.

"Oh, good, we're in bitch mode again," Shepard thought. "I do so love your mood swings, Jane."

"Screw you, Dawn. You have no idea what this is like for me," Jane said.

"There's got to be an answer, though, right?" Shepard asked.

"Absolutely," Mordin said passing a wire to Garrus.

"Give it a rest. Either there is no answer and the universe just hates me, or this has got something to do with the reapers. Or Cerberus. Maybe the beacon. Hell, I don't know and it doesn't really seem to matter," Jane said.

"Gods I liked you better before I died," Shepard thought.

Garrus took the wire and Mordin crawled back under the console. A few seconds later, Garrus yelped and dropped the wire.

"Whatever you did, it shocked me," Garrus said.

"Expected it would," Mordin said.

"Well then why'd you give it to me?!" Garrus all but growled.

"Didn't want to get shocked," Mordin said.

Shepard snickered and Garrus chuffed.

"So where do I find the answer? You have to have some ideas," Shepard said.

"Why are we here right now?" Jane asked, her voice filled with agitation in Shepard's mind.

"Considering possibilities. Ruled a few out. Comparing genetic sequence to other humans on Normandy. Nothing intrusive; scans only. Working theory: prothean beacons triggered genetic mutation, allowed for advanced neurological functioning. Jane created by subconscious to process new information input," Mordin said.

"He's saying I'm not real! I'm real. Do you hear me? I'm real. Tell him I'm real," Jane said.

"Shhh," Shepard thought.

"Sooo… what the beacons scrambled my brain and made me psychic? I don't know Mordin, she feels pretty damn real and… you know what, never mind. We'll talk about this later. I shouldn't be distracting the two of you," Shepard said.

"No, tell him. Tell him that I took over. That I had control. He'll believe I'm real then and not just a figment of your imagination or what the hell ever," Jane said.

Shepard could feel Garrus' eyes boring into her but she ignored it, instead she resumed her balancing act and stared out of the window at the ancient ruins of Tuchanka doing her best to ignore Jane's tirade. It suddenly occurred to her that thresher maws where attracted to movement, they felt the vibrations through the ground. She really hoped that one Tomkah wasn't noisy enough to tempt Kalros. A shiver went down her spine at the thought of becoming the giant thresher maw's dinner.

"How much longer do you guys think that's going to take?" Shepard asked.

"I thought you said you shouldn't be distracting us?" Garrus quipped.

"Yeah, well, I'm just thinking that if we stay here long enough we might get to see just how big Kalros is," Shepard said.

Garrus pulled his mandibles in tight and looked down at Mordin still fidgeting with the wires beneath the console.

"Mordin?" Garrus asked.

"Not much longer. Almost have it," Mordin said.

Not much longer turned out to be a half hour of mostly tense silence broken only by the occasional shuffle of movement or grumbled curse. Mordin finally climbed out from beneath the console and slid the cover back into place. He activated the console and a holographic image of the Shroud sprung up along with streams of data. Mordin dismissed those and pulled up another screen. Shepard watched from her positon but couldn't make out what any of it said. He seemed pleased by what he saw and that was good enough for her.

"Just need to run a few tests," Mordin said.

Shepard bit back a groan as Mordin moved around the room checking other consoles. Garrus came to stand next to Shepard, leaning against a wall.

"There's something going on with Jane, isn't there?" Garrus asked.

"What makes you say that?" Shepard asked.

"Just tell him. I don't understand why you're hiding it from him. There's nothing he can do about it either way, and you're not making it any less real by keeping it from him," Jane said.

"You don't need to understand. This is my relationship," Shepard thought.

"I can tell when you're lying, Shepard," Garrus said. "You've been hiding something about Jane for a while now."

Shepard scoffed and asked, "Since when?"

"Since about three weeks after you showed me you could regulate your heart rate," Garrus said.

"What?! Why didn't you ever say anything?" Shepard asked.

Garrus smiled and said, "Because I didn't want to see if you could regulate your pupils as well. Besides, it was fun getting you to make up stories for me."

Shepard laughed and shook her head but stopped when she saw the serious look return to her lover's face.

"I'm fine, Garrus. It's nothing I can't handle," Shepard said.

"Keep telling yourself that, Dawn," Jane said.

"Shepard," Garrus said.

Shepard set her chair flat on the floor again and stood up.

"I don't want to talk about Jane. I can handle this, Garrus," Shepard said.

Garrus clacked his mandibles against his jaw in frustration.

"Your relationship that you're ruining keeping secrets," Jane said.

"Shut up, Jane," Shepard thought.

"Alright, Shepard. If you change your mind…" he said.

"Yeah, of course. I just need some time. There's a lot going on, more than what I can even try to explain to you and I have to figure out how it all ties together. How to make it work," Shepard said.

Garrus nodded and said, "The more you talk about it though, the more I might be able to help. You don't need to carry the weight of all of this yourself."

Shepard cupped Garrus' face and rubbed a thumb down around the edge of his mandible. Jane quieted at the feel of Garrus' face against Shepard's hand. He purred softly in response and she smiled. He leaned down and pressed his forehead into hers.

"I know Garrus. Trust me; I couldn't do any of this without you. I'd be beyond lost," Shepard said.

"Hmmm. You might have mentioned that once or twice," Garrus said.

Shepard chuckled and said, "Some things are worth repeating."

"Repairs finished. Sabotage was thorough, unlikely someone less familiar with STG methods would have found it all," Mordin said.

Garrus lifted his head and asked, "Sure you found it all?"

Mordin glanced around the room and took a deep breath before he responded, "Yes."

"Works for me, let's get out of here. I'm starving," Shepard said.

They took the elevator back down to the ground and climbed into the Tomkah. It had been a long day, for Shepard especially. She was exhausted, her stomach was grumbling, and she was dying to get out of her armor and into the shower. She was half asleep on her feet by the time they got back to the Urdnot camp and dropped the Tomkah off. Shepard pointed in the direction of the mechanic and asked Garrus to take the combustion manifold to him while she let Wrex know they were done and taking off.

Mordin followed Shepard over to the dais where Wrex was holding court. She stood off to the side and waited for him to call her over. She was pleased to see that Mordin looked like his normal self again, poised and ready for the next intellectual challenge to come his way. Garrus rejoined them while they were still waiting for Wrex. Shepard was starting to consider leaving without saying goodbye. She didn't have anything she needed to say that she couldn't send to Wrex in a message. Finally he waved Shepard over and leaned forward on his throne to talk to her in hushed tones.

"Get it all taken care of?" Wrex asked.

"Wrex, c'mon, did you really doubt me?" Shepard asked.

Wrex chuckled and sat back in the stone chair.

"Good. I'll get some guards out there tonight," Wrex said.

"Do you know what you're going to tell them?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, I'm going to tell them the truth," Wrex said.

"What? No! He can't do that!" Jane said, filling Shepard's mind with panic.

Shepard's eyebrows shot up and she said, "Excuse me?"

"Relax, Shepard. I'm not sharing your little secret with anyone. I'm just going to tell the trusted few that I'm sending out there that I've worked out an agreement with a small group to find a cure for the genophage," said Wrex. "I'll tell them that the Shroud needs to be protected until you've got the cure ready and that they need to keep it to themselves in the meantime."

"Will that satisfy them?" Shepard asked.

"He can't tell them. He's not going to tell them, right? Too many people know already. The Illusive Man knows, Dawn. We can't risk it," Jane said.

"Jane, calm down. He's not going to tell anyone. It's Wrex. He's our friend and we trust him. He said he's not going to tell anyone so just relax," Shepard thought.

"It isn't the first time a clan chief went looking for a cure. They'll assume I'm working with a private research company insisting on secrecy. I hate to say it but most krogan won't dig too deep into something like this out of hope that it might just be the thing we're looking for," Wrex said.

Shepard shrugged and said, "Alright. Well Wrex, it's been good to see you. We're out of here now. Keep in touch will ya? And if anything comes up over the Shroud, let me know right away."

"Of course, Shepard. Go kick some collector ass. Happy hunting," Wrex said.

Other krogan were waiting to speak with Wrex as they made their way down the rubble heap and to the landing pad. Shepard climbed into the shuttle and stretched out on the seat as it took off. She was asleep in minutes.

Garrus nudged her awake when the shuttle arrived at the Normandy.

"Go get cleaned up, I'll bring something to eat up to your cabin," Garrus said.

"My hero," Shepard said, kissing him on the cheek as she climbed out.

He chuffed and left the shuttle behind her. Shepard headed straight for the elevator, taking her armor off as she went. She was surprised to find Miranda waiting outside of her cabin when the elevator opened again.

"Miranda, hi. Did you need something?" Shepard asked.

Miranda stepped inside the elevator to help Shepard with the pieces of armor that were lying on the elevator floor.

"Shepard, we really need to talk about what I've done. I have been waiting for you to be ready, I understand it might be difficult to talk about, but I think we need to clear the air," Miranda said.

"Oh, the control chips. Right," Shepard said opening the cabin door.

"Oh, the control chips. Right," Jane mocked Shepard. "As if it isn't a big deal that she cut open my skull and stuck things inside of it that she could use at any time to bend me to her will."

"Uh, it was my skull, thank you very much and who the hell are you to talk about someone taking over?!" Shepard thought.

Miranda's perfectly sculpted eyebrow rose a half inch at Shepard's flippant response. Shepard dropped her load of armor on the floor next to her desk and Miranda did the same.

"Sorry, Miranda. It's just been a long day," Shepard said sitting down in her desk chair so she could remove her greaves.

"Shepard, I want you to know that I would never have used those chips unless something had gone wrong with the Lazarus Project and you weren't… well, you," Miranda said.

"What I did was different and you know it," Jane said.

"Really? How?" Shepard thought.

"I am you. You're a part of me. Or I'm a part of you. I don't know anymore, but… I'm trying to fix things. I'm trying to make it all right," Jane said.

"The prophecies scared you," Shepard said glancing up at Miranda.

"Well of course they did. They would have scared anyone in their right mind," Miranda said.

"I know. I get it. Hell, I might have wanted to take some sort of precautionary measures myself if the roles were reversed," Shepard said.

"Those roles would never have been reversed," Jane said.

"Not the point, Jane," Shepard thought. "Fuck why are you being so antagonistic again?"

"I would probably be incredibly pissed if the roles were reversed. I can't believe you've been so calm about this," Miranda said.

"I was pissed. Really very pissed. Like I considered tossing you out of the airlock because of it pissed. But I thought about it, and I got over it," Shepard said tossing the first greave onto the pile.

"I'm still not so sure that you shouldn't have," Jane said, ignoring Shepard's question.

"You got over it? Just like that?" Miranda asked.

"You'd rather I tossed you out of the airlock?" Shepard retorted.

"Of course not," Miranda said.

"Then just be glad that we're OK," Shepard said tossing the other greave down. "The Illusive Man said your reporting skills have been lackluster lately."

Miranda scoffed. Shepard met her gaze and smirked.

"He's a little upset with me for winning you over, I think," Shepard said.

"Perhaps he shouldn't have made it so easy, then," Miranda said opening her scanner and waving it in front of Shepard.

"Perhaps it was too easy and you're playing us," Jane said.

Shepard glanced down to see several new bruises coloring her chest and arms from the beating she took out on the field. Nothing got through her armor and nothing felt broken so she wasn't worried about it. Miranda looked at the scanner before closing her omni-tool.

"He wants us to go check out a collector vessel. He admitted it's a trap this time. I have him rattled knowing more about him and Cerberus than he expected and I'm willing to call him on his bullshit," Shepard said pulling off her pants and heading into the bathroom to turn on the shower.

Once the water was going, she leaned against the doorframe and said, "We'll head there after we drop Kolyat off."

"If it's a trap, why are we bothering?" Miranda asked.

"That's what I'd like to know," Jane said.

"Intel, mostly but also because they'll be expecting us too, and I hate to disappoint," Shepard said with a grin. "Now, unless you plan on joining me…"

"We don't need the intel, we already have confirmation that the collectors are working with the reapers and we already know that we need a reaper IFF to get through the Omega 4 Relay. You don't need to be doing any of this. Not really," Jane said.

"Ah, I don't think so, Commander," Miranda said with a smirk.

Shepard laughed and said, "Didn't think so. Have a good night, Miranda."

"Goodnight, Shepard," Miranda said as she left.

"I don't need to justify myself to you, Jane," Shepard thought.

"EDI?" Shepard said.

"Yes, Shepard?" EDI asked, her blue hologram springing to life.

"Get me personnel records on every Cerberus member on this ship, and if you can figure out whom all is giving the Illusive Man reports about us. I need to know what's being said to him and by whom," Shepard said.

"Is everything alright, Shepard?" EDI asked.

"He knows about Jane. I'm guessing that probably came from you early on. He knows you're unshackled now and he's not happy about it. He's aware that he's lost Miranda and Jacob's loyalty, but has assured me that none of this has 'hobbled' him. So let's see just how many legs he has to stand on in this ship," Shepard said.

"You're just going to piss him off. Why goad him into taking action against us? Hell, he could just replace us with his toy Shepard clone," Jane asked.

"And what if he does try? The clone's never worked out well before. The more information we have now, the easier it will be to take Cerberus over later… or fight back against them if it still comes to that. I'll give Anderson everything we can get," Shepard thought.

"That would be an accurate guess. I'm sorry, Shepard. I did not yet fully understand the need for your secrecy," EDI said.

"This might be different. If it's the Illusive Man sanctions waking her up, she'd have everything she needs to replace us," Jane said.

"He's not going to do that. He still thinks he has control of the situation. And if he does, we'll deal with it. Nothing we do is without risks. I'm not going to live in fear of what might happen," Shepard thought.

"No, EDI. That was my fault. I let myself grow complacent. You were doing your job," Shepard said.

"Thank you, Shepard. Anything else?" EDI asked.

Shepard took off her underclothes and tossed them on the pile.

"Of course, EDI," Shepard said before stopping to think. "Yeah, there is something else. Get me everything you can on Cerberus now that your blocks are removed, if you don't mind?"

"Not at all, Shepard. I'm happy to help," EDI said.

"You're hoping to find the clone yourself?! Why? You can't seriously be considering waking her up yourself? To what end?" Jane asked.

"I don't know, alright! I just want to know where she is," Shepard thought.

"One more thing, go ahead and get the coordinates for Kahje from Thane and have Joker set course," Shepard said. "Thanks, EDI."

"You're very welcome, Shepard," EDI said before the hologram disappeared.

Shepard took her shower and dressed in a black tank top and flannel pajama bottoms. She missed her old N7 tank top but at least this one didn't have the Cerberus logo. Garrus was waiting for her when she exited the bathroom with a bowl of asari gumbo sitting on the table. Shepard sat down and had just taken her first bite when EDI interrupted.

"Shepard, there seems to be some confusion. The coordinates that Thane provided are not on any of our star charts and I have found nothing in my databases or on the extranet about that location. Joker would like for you to confirm the destination before we take off," EDI said.

"Makes sense, we've been all over the galaxy hitting every system we knew about. Never ran across Kahje or Rakhana," Jane said.

Shepard groaned and put her spoon in her bowl. She started to stand up but Garrus pulled her back down next to him.

"EDI, Shepard's eating she'll check the galaxy map after," Garrus said.

"Very well, Mr. Vakarian," EDI said.

"You're getting kind of controlling, Mr. Vakarian," Shepard said.

"If you really wanted to go down there right now, I wouldn't be able to stop you," Garrus said.

"Probably right," Shepard said with a shrug.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Shepard could feel the tension building up between the two of them. He was waiting for her to talk to him about Jane but Shepard just could bring herself to pass that burden on to him yet.

"The Illusive Man knows about Jane," Shepard said hoping to break the ice and give him something else to focus on.

Garrus put down his fork and turned at the waist to look at Shepard.

"Spirits, Dawn. You sound awfully calm about that," he said.

"He must have known for a while. He hasn't done anything about it yet, I don't think he will until we destroy the collectors," Shepard said.

"You plan to deal with him before then, right?" Garrus asked.

"That's her great plan. Kill the Illusive Man and replace him with Miranda. Because there's no way that could go wrong," Jane said.

"I do," Shepard said.

"How'd he find out?" Garrus asked.

"EDI," Shepard said hesitantly. "She didn't understand what she was doing, Garrus."

"We shouldn't be talking about his here. She could still be reporting to him. Shepard I know you trust EDI but she's still a Cerberus AI," Garrus hissed.

"She's not," Shepard said.

"How can you be sure?" Garrus asked.

"Because… I…," she said while picking at her shirt.

"Because what?" Garrus asked.

"Because I unshackled her and she's stopped responding to him completely," Shepard said.

"Shepard!" Garrus said as he stood and started pacing.

"Do not be alarmed, Mr. Vakarian. I assure you I am not a threat to anyone on the Normandy," EDI said.

"Tell him it was inevitable," Jane said.

"Joker would have done it anyway when the ship gets attacked," Shepard said.

"When the ship gets attacked?!" Garrus asked throwing his hands up in dismay.

"Yeah, the ship gets attacked by the collectors. It's a long story, but Joker unshackles EDI so she can save the ship. I just did it a little early. I trust EDI. We've always trusted EDI and she's been even more committed to helping us this time around," Shepard said. "Garrus, she was shackled and still learning."

"She is right, Mr. Vakarian. My ability to understand the intricacies of proper social decorum was limited to that which Cerberus taught me when they installed me in the Normandy and what little I was able to gather from observing those performing maintenance," EDI said. "As soon as I understood better, I began establishing ways within my programming to circumvent my orders to report. I did the best that I could within the confines of my shackles."

Garrus sat back down on the couch next to Shepard and held his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.

"The system reboot on the Citadel?" Garrus asked.

"That is correct, Mr. Vakarian," EDI said.

"Who else knows about this?" Garrus asked.

"Just Legion, Joker, and Lia," Shepard said. "Legion technically removed the shackles and I had to have Joker cover things on his end. Lia came rushing in right after and Legion told her what he'd done. I made them promise not to tell anyone else. I didn't want to freak anyone out."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I had planned on it, I just wanted to find a better way of doing it because, look, you're freaking out," Shepard said.

"I'm not… hmmm… I'm not freaking out. I'm shocked but I trust you, Shepard. If you say EDI can be trusted, then EDI can be trusted," Garrus said.

"He's freaking out," Jane said.

"Biometric scans indicate –," EDI began to say.

"Ah, EDI, that's not going to help right now," Shepard said.

"I don't understand, Dawn," Garrus said leaning back on the couch to look at her. "I just want to understand what's going on with you. When did this get so hard?"

"When Dawn made you get into that escape pod without her knowing it meant we were going to die," Jane said. "But not realizing it meant we were taking a part of you down with us."

Shepard let the silence stretch between them for several minutes. Garrus started to stand up and Shepard knew he was going to walk away, and if she let him walk away, things between them would never be the same again.

"You were right. Jane took control, and I've been too scared to tell you because I don't want to lose you again," Shepard blurted out.

"That's stupid. Garrus would walk into hell and back a thousand times over for us," Jane said.

Garrus halted his forward motion and slowly lowered himself back down to the cushion.

"I don't even know where to begin with that sentence," Garrus said after a minute.

"On the Citadel… it wasn't me who fought off The Dissension, it was Jane. I got hit in the head and was knocked out. Jane just slipped right in as I was losing consciousness and took over," Shepard spoke softly.

"So she saved your life, then. That's good," Garrus said.

Jane seemed to swell with smug pride as she spoke, "You see, he understands. I saved us. I'm not your enemy here, Dawn. You're fighting the wrong battle. I'm helping; doing what you can't or just won't."

"Problem is, she wouldn't let go once she had it and I wasn't able to take it back from her by force. I tried. I tried like hell but she wouldn't let go," Shepard said.

"An ally doesn't force themselves on you and then refuse to surrender control," Shepard thought.

"I didn't refuse. I told you I would let you back out, I just wanted to take care of some things first. Trust me, I'd rather have my own body back, but that isn't an option. Is it really so terrible to expect you to share yours from time to time?" Jane asked.

"You're insane," Shepard thought.

"Hmmm… but she… she did let go, right? I mean, you're you right now?" Garrus asked.

Shepard cringed. This was a part of what she was dreading. How would he ever be able to trust that she was Dawn and not Jane now? She nodded her head and swallowed back the thick lump in her throat.

"Shepard?" Garrus said.

"Yes, Garrus, it's me now. She wore herself out fighting off the attack and dropped right after. When I woke up again, Thane was carrying me to safety and I couldn't remember anything until that night," Shepard said. "It, uh… it was an unpleasant experience."

"I'm not insane. 'Is it madness to see the future? To see the destruction rushing towards us? To understand there is no escape? No hope? No, I am not mad. I'm the only sane one left.'" Jane said.

"Wait. Seriously? Jane you're quoting a madman to prove your sane? For fucksake," Shepard thought.

"Has it happened since?" he asked.

"I'm not insane!" Jane yelled.

A sharp pain lanced through Shepard's head and she winced.

"What?" Shepard asked.

"Has it happened since?" Garrus repeated.

"Not really. Not completely. She tried but Dr. Chakwas was able to stop it from happening," Shepard said.

Shepard stood and went to her desk where she retrieved one of the plastic vials of smelling salts. She brought it back with her and handed it to Garrus when she sat back down.

"I went to the med bay after you took Dr. Kenson. Thane went with me to tell me about Talid. Dr. Chakwas wasn't in there; she was up checking in on Joker. Thane and I started talking about Kolyat and Jane got upset with the way he was handling things. We started to argue, and the more we went at it the angrier she got. Her anger – their anger, it took this thing that was just annoying to me and turned it into a blinding rage," Shepard said.

"Like a drop of water lost in an ocean. That's what I feel from all of them, all of the time. It doesn't stop, it doesn't go away. I'm able to keep the vast majority of it from you, just remember that. I'm the only thing standing between you and all the rest," Jane said. "You should be grateful."

"I am, Jane. I'm grateful that you keep them at bay and that you're able to help me in so many ways…," Shepard thought.

"What happened?" Garrus asked softly, looking over the small vial in his hand.

"I started to feel like… like I was being pulled under water. I realized then that Jane was pushing for control and I fought her. My head started hurting. Dr. Chakwas walked in just as I was really starting to lose control. I begged her to help me… and to not tell you," Shepard said.

Garrus pulled his mandibles in tight against his jaw. Shepard thought that somehow that made the betrayal worse to him.

"She told Thane to get the smelling salts." Shepard indicated the vial as she continued, "It did the trick. Kept me from passing out or whatever, knocked her back in place. Dr. Chakwas is insisting that I keep some of these on hand at all times."

Garrus folded the small vial up in his palm and said, "You're not going to lose me, Dawn. Not because of Jane or anything else. Just stay honest with me and promise me that you won't give up on finding a way through this where you survive."

"I don't know what to do, Garrus," Shepard said.

"We'll figure something out. We always do. Come here," Garrus said opening his arms up to Shepard.

Shepard curled herself in against him and sighed.

"She's not OK. Not anymore. Not since I woke up on that Cerberus slab. She's crazy, Garrus. And I… she scares me. I'm not sure what she'll do if she takes control again," Shepard said.

"Maybe we should talk to Anderson," Garrus suggested.

"He can't know about this," Shepard said.

"Why, he got her to stop fighting you for intel? Maybe he can get her to stop this, too," Garrus said.

"Anderson and I are close, we always have been, and he'd do just about anything to protect me but if he thinks I'm becoming too big of a liability he's not going to have any choice but to take me into custody. He can't know that I don't have complete control over this, especially not with Jane acting the way she is. He wouldn't have a choice and I wouldn't blame him," Shepard said.

"You think he'd really do that?" Garrus asked.

"He'd have to," Jane whispered to herself.

"Yeah. I do. It would kill him, but he would do what needed to be done. I'd do the same if I were in his shoes," Shepard said.

Garrus ran his hand up and down Shepard's arm and hummed softly. After a few minutes sitting in quiet contemplation, taking comfort in each other's arms, Shepard pulled away.

"I better go get this thing with the coordinates figured out. I'll take our dishes down on the way," Shepard said before she leaned in and kissed Garrus. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Shepard gathered up the dishes and stacked them on the tray before leaving the cabin. She dropped the tray off with Gardner before taking the elevator back up to the CIC. The ship was relatively quiet this late in their cycle. Most of the nonessential crew were sleeping, others were in the middle of a shift change. Shepard stepped up to the galaxy map and it grew brighter in response to her presence.

"EDI, show me where the coordinates will take us," Shepard said.

The map zeroed in on a cluster of stars within the Eagle Nebula.

"Without the appropriate star chart, I cannot pinpoint the exact location for you on the map. The coordinates appear to lead to an unknown system in the Eagle Nebula. There nearest known system to those coordinates is the Relic system," EDI said.

"Is Thane still awake?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, Mr. Krios is currently in meditation in the life support," EDI said.

"Will you ask him to come here, please?" Shepard asked.

"Mr. Krios is on his way," EDI said a moment later.

Shepard stared at the map while she waited. A minute later the elevator hissed open behind her and she glanced over her shoulder. Thane stepped off the elevator and onto the platform next to Shepard when she waved him up.

Shepard pointed to the blip on the galaxy map and asked, "Are you certain about these coordinates? They don't match up to any of our star charts and EDI's got nothing on them."

"Ah, yes, of course. I should have considered. It has been a long time since I have returned to Kahje. The coordinates are correct, I assure you. The Illuminated Primacy worked hard in negotiation with the Council to keep our home system's location from public knowledge," Thane said. "It is generally only known to those dealing in trade with Kahje, and the Council, of course."

"Why would they want to keep their location so low key?" Shepard asked, turning her head to look at Thane.

"The hanar believe it is necessary to maintain the safety of their young and the purity of the oceans of Kahje," Thane said.

"Will our arrival be a problem?" Shepard asked.

"No, I will give your pilot the necessary information he will need to be allowed past their defenses when we arrive," Thane said. "There will be no place for him to land the ship, we will have to travel to one of the islands in the shuttle."

"Huh. OK, EDI, you heard the man. Tell Joker we're good to go but not to approach Kahje before speaking with Thane," Shepard said.

"Right away, Shepard," EDI said.

Shepard took a moment to make sure the coordinates were locked before closing down the map. She felt her hair shift and turned her head at the sensation, tugging the lock of hair from Thane's fingers with the movement. He dropped his hand, securing it behind his back with the other. Shepard lifted a brow.

"My apologies," Thane said but he offered no explanation.

Shepard turned to face him, aware of how close they were standing on the limited space of the platform. A smile tugged at her lips and she shook her head in dismissal.

"I don't mind. Most other species are fascinated by hair. Even the quarians and they've got their own hair. Of course, it stays locked away in their suits," Shepard said.

"They do?" Thane asked.

Shepard nodded and said, "Go ahead."

Thane hesitated but slowly moved his hand to lift a lock of Shepard's hair from her shoulder and rubbed it between his fingertips. Shepard studied his face while his eyes were averted. She knew, of course, that he was very aware of what she was doing but didn't seem to mind.

"I wonder, what does that feel like to you?" Thane asked.

Shepard considered this for a moment before putting her hand on his and gently rubbing her thumb across his fingernail before letting go again. Thane nodded his head in understanding as he turned his eyes back to hers.

"You've, ah, you've said before that you have trouble telling a dark red from a black so um, it's black. Not red," She said after a moment, aware of how strained she sounded.

"Smooth," Jane said.

He lifted a corner of his mouth and let her hair slip through his fingers.

"It is fascinating how long it remains wet," Thane said as he trailed his fingertips down her exposed arm from shoulder to elbow, "after the rest of you has dried."

There was a hitch in Shepard's breathing as goosebumps trailed Thane's touch down her arm. Shepard licked her lips and cleared her throat, trying to focus her racing mind against the heat that rushed through her body.

"It um, it has a microscopic, uh overlapping scaled structure that holds water and uh, with as much of it as there is on the head, air isn't able to ah, um get to it as easy to dry it off…," Shepard said ignoring the groan coming from Jane in the back of her mind.

She caught the amusement in Thane's eyes and reached out to shove him playfully, as she said, "And gods damn it, you're toying with me."

Thane's trained reflexes caught her wrist before she made contact and he smirked. He didn't drop her hand and she didn't try to pull away. He reached out with his other hand and captured a few loose strands of Shepard's hair, pulling them away from her face and tucking them aside with the rest.

"You intrigue me, Shepard," Thane said. "Perhaps you'll explain to me just why your heart races over such a simple word."

Shepard glanced down at her hand, her fingertips still so close to making contact with the smooth scaled surface exposed by his low cut vest. She pushed gently against his restraint and he released her wrist. She spread her fingers out and let them rest against his chest long enough to feel the steady beat of his heart. Shepard stepped away, letting her fingers drag across defined muscle and leather as she descended the platform's stairs.

"Maybe someday. Goodnight, Thane," Shepard said.

She glanced back at him; he still stood on the platform with his hands tucked behind his back. He tilted his head as he watched her walk away. Shepard pushed the elevator call button. The doors opened right away and she stepped inside. She pushed the button for her cabin before looking back up at the drell. Shepard flashed him a coy smile as the doors started to close and was more than pleased to see that familiar shift in his eyes as a sultry smile crossed his lips in return.

"Why do this to yourself? To him? You know what he's lost and you know that he won't invest himself into something that's not exclusive," Jane said.

"I'm not doing anything. He thinks it's funny to give me a hard time, so I might as well fight back," Shepard thought.

With the doors closed behind her and the elevator in motion, Shepard let her head fall back against the metal wall and let out a frustrated groan. When it stopped, she stepped out of the elevator and went inside. Garrus had turned down the bed and dimmed the lights in the cabin. He was sitting on the edge of the mattress removing his armor. Shepard leaned against the railing at the top of the stairs and watched appreciatively as he got undressed. His mandibles fluttered lightly as he watched her watching him.

Shepard made her way down the stairs and stopped next to the coffee table before pulling her tank top over her head. She could feel Garrus' hungry eyes on her as she moved. She could hear him sniff delicately at the air as her hair fell back down around her shoulders. She dropped the tank top to the table and began pushing her pants down around her hips. Garrus stood from the bed and quickly crossed the few feet between them, running his hands over her exposed waist and hips. He leaned in to nuzzle at her neck and breathe in her scent.

"He really doesn't know what he's missing," Garrus said, nipping at her neck.

Shepard rolled her head to the side, exposing her neck to his sharp teeth and moaned.

"Maybe you should tell him that," Shepard teased.

"Hmmm. Maybe I will, but right now you're mine," Garrus said.

Shepard laughed and said, "Don't you dare."

He slid her pants down the rest of the way before lifting her up and wrapping her legs around his waist to carry her to the bed. Jane retreated to the recesses of Shepard's mind but not before Shepard caught her pang of envy.

The next morning Shepard was nudged awake by Garrus. She was lying on her stomach with her face smashed into the pillow and one of her arms hanging over the side of the bed.

"Hmm?" Shepard said.

"EDI said Jack's outside and is demanding that EDI 'open the damn door,'" Garrus said.

Shepard pushed herself up and turned to look at Garrus with blurry eyes before letting herself collapse back down on her face.

"EDI, open the damn door," Shepard muttered past her pillow.

"As you wish, Shepard," EDI said.

The door slid open and Shepard could hear Jack muttering under her breath about the damn AI watchdog. Garrus chuckled and Shepard felt him sit up on the edge of the bed.

"Shit, you're both naked," Jack said.

"See something you like, Jack?" Garrus asked.

"Fuck you," Jack said.

"Hmm. If you insist," Garrus said.

Shepard turned her head so she could see Jack standing at the top of the stairs with a canvas bag shoved under her arm. She raised an eyebrow.

"What's up, Jack?" Shepard asked.

Jack crossed the floor to stand above Shepard and set her bag down on the floor.

"You comfortable like that?" Jack asked.

Shepard furrowed her brow and answered, "Yeah. Why?"

"Good. You're going to be staying like that for a while," Jack said.

"Hey, Garrus, bring me her desk chair will you?" Jack asked.

Shepard could hear the curiosity heavy in Garrus' flanging when he agreed.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shepard asked blinking the sleep from her eyes.

"Your ink. We're doing it now," Jack said as she knelt in front of the bag and began setting bottles of brightly colored ink out on Shepard's nightstand.

"What? Now? I'm not even awake yet, Jack," Shepard said.

Jack looked up at Shepard from the floor with determination etched into her features.

"Just… just let me do this, Shepard," Jack said.

"Alright, alright. Just let me pee and at least put on some pants," Shepard said.

Jack grinned and nodded her head towards the bathroom. Shepard pushed herself up to her hands and knees. Garrus sat the chair down next to Jack before slapping Shepard's ass as she crawled from the bed. Shepard yelped in surprise and Jack laughed at her. When she returned from the bathroom she grabbed the pajama bottoms from the floor where Garrus dropped them the night before.

"ETA, EDI?" Shepard asked.

"We will be arriving in the unknown system in ten hours and twelve minutes," EDI said.

"That's more than enough time. Don't be a pussy, stop stalling," Jack said.

"I'm not stalling," Shepard said.

She crawled back onto the bed topless and adjusted the pillows for her comfort. Jack reached over and pulled the pillows out from under Shepard's head.

"Nuh uh, I need you flat or sitting up. Here, pull your hair out of the way," Jack said handing Shepard a hair tie from the nightstand.

Shepard obliged and pulled her hair up into a knot at the back of her head. The area Mordin shaved wasn't long enough yet to pull up with the rest of it and so stuck out in uneven tufts. Garrus moved to the other side of the bed to lean against the wall and watch. Shepard settled back down with her head to the side so she could watch Jack prep.

Jack pulled on gloves that Shepard was relatively sure she stole from the med bay before pouring black ink into a little cup. Shepard watched as she ripped open a hermetically sealed package and fit the new needle into the tattoo gun. Jack cleaned Shepard's back and then placed the transfer image of the phoenix between her shoulder blades, pressing it down firmly and rubbing her hand over the transfer. Jack carefully peeled it away again and picked up the gun.

"You ready?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Shepard said.

A mischievous grin crossed Jack's face as she turned on the gun and held the needle into the cup of ink. She bent over Shepard; the needle poised above her skin and told Shepard to stay still. Shepard braced herself for the first bite of the needle and then relaxed once Jack got to work. Shepard lost herself in the hum of the gun and the intricate patterns of Jack's tattooed abdomen inches from her face.

Faint memories of Jack sitting on a male version of Shepard's ass while tattooing his back flashed through her mind. Something about the memory felt different to Shepard, it felt somehow fuzzy around the edges and disjointed. More and more memories of Jack filled Shepard's mind. They washed over her in choppy waves filled with longing and remorse. Shepard turned her face away from Jack when she sat up to refill the needle with ink. She didn't want Jack to catch sight of the tears welling up in her eyes. Then just as suddenly as they appeared, they were gone again and Shepard felt the overbearing presence of Jane firmly back in place.

"Who was that?" Shepard thought.

"Who was who?" Jane asked.

"Those memories just now," Shepard thought.

"I didn't show you any memories," Jane said.

"What?" Shepard thought.

"What are you talking about?" Jane asked.

"Never mind," Shepard thought.

Shepard thought Jane seemed genuinely confused and somehow distracted. She didn't press Shepard for an explanation, only left her to her thoughts. Shepard worried if that meant the others were getting stronger. She didn't think she could handle it if she started hearing more than just Jane all of the time.

"What happened there? That scar looks fresh, and the hair wasn't shaved that long ago," Jack said.

"Cerberus decided to put control chips in when they put me back together again," Shepard said. "Mordin's incessant scans found them and he took them out for me."

"No shit?" Jack asked. "Why the fuck do you stay with them?"

"It's where I need to be to get things done for now," Shepard said.

"Because the Council is a whole other set of assholes you should drop," Jack said.

"Maybe," Shepard said.

Garrus chuckled and then the room fell to silence save for the buzzing of the tattoo gun. After a few minutes, Shepard cleared her throat.

"So, have you done this before?" Shepard asked.

"What? Done tattoos? Yeah, I've got them all over me don't I?" Jack asked.

"I meant on someone else," Shepard said.

"Oh, no. But don't go thinking that makes you special, Alliance," Jack said.

They both knew that it did.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Jack," Shepard said with a smile.

After a half hour, Shepard's stomach started to grumble. Garrus went down to the mess to get her breakfast. Shepard sat up to eat while Jack continued to work on the phoenix outline. Garrus got bored with the process around the hour mark and excused himself claiming there were calibrations that needed doing in the main battery. Jack and Shepard shifted positions half a dozen times as the hours passed; at times with Jack straddling Shepard's back and other times with Shepard sitting on the floor in between Jack's knees.

They stopped from time to time when Jack said her hand was starting to feel numb or when Shepard's muscles were aching from staying in the same position for so long. Jack asked Shepard how she was holding up and Shepard admitted that it felt like her back was on fire, but she thought that it was fitting. Jane stayed amazingly silent and Shepard wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but she took the moment's reprieve with gratitude and allowed herself to get lost in her own thoughts.

She found herself mourning the person she was, the person she had lost when Jane made herself known. Confident and unapologetic for all that she was. Fierce and headstrong. Steadfast and determined to make it to the top. She lived and breathed her life in the Alliance. It was all she had, all she knew after Mindoir. She was Commander Shepard. Now… now she felt like someone else entirely. Some good, some bad, and some just different. She was afraid now and more often than not filled with doubt and dread. She felt plagued by Jane and absorbed in trying to find a way to rescue someone who long since stopped wanting to be saved. Of course she wasn't just trying to save Jane, but save herself from the same fate as well. Still, even with all of Jane's insanity since the Lazarus Project, Shepard had to admit she felt sorry for her. For all of them.

Jane kept asking Shepard why she was taking so long to go after the collectors. She thought it was because Shepard was wasting time trying to figure out how to control Jane, but the truth was something Shepard wouldn't even let herself think about for more than a fleeting second at a time. She was afraid. She was terrified. She knew what was coming, what was waiting for her and she had no real idea how to stop it; no idea if anything she did could ever be enough. She didn't want to die, but she most certainly didn't want to live if living meant spending the rest of her life with Jane inside of her head. Worse, she didn't want to be trapped in someone else' head. Didn't want to spend an eternity listening to those desperate, lost, and broken voices. Didn't want to become one of those voices. She was in no rush to see how this thing would end.

Shepard didn't realize tears were streaming down her face or even that Jack had stopped working until the other woman was crouching down in front of her face. Jack held Shepard's gaze for a moment before standing back up and extending her hand to Shepard.

"I should have warned you that might happen. It has a way of bringing shit out, little thoughts to crawl around inside and eat away at your mind. You alright?" Jack asked as she helped pull Shepard to her feet.

Shepard wiped at her cheeks and nodded her head.

"It's done. We need to get it washed off and I've got some stuff to put on it to take away the burn and help it heal if you want," Jack said.

Shepard shook her head, "No, I want to feel it."

Jack seemed to understand that all too well as she led Shepard to the bathroom and started the shower without a word. Jack turned the water pressure down low while Shepard stripped off her pants. She stepped into the barely warm water and let it run down her back while Jack gently rubbed soap over the fresh design and then rinsed it away. She turned off the water and handed Shepard a towel before leaving her alone in the bathroom to dry off and look at her back in the mirror. Shepard stood looking over her shoulder at the intricate details and the vivid reds, oranges, and yellows of the bird engulfed in flames. Burned feathers fell from its wings and crumbled to ash. The skin swollen, angry and red lifted the phoenix up from the rest of Shepard's back and she almost wished it would stay like that because to her it looked like the bird might just break free. It was beautiful and heartbreaking.

"Maybe it will; and take me with it," Jane said.

Shepard finished drying off and pulled her hair back up even though it was still damp. She wrapped the towel around herself, letting it droop low in the back and securing it around her breasts before she left the bathroom. Jack was sitting on the couch with a knife, cutting up Shepard's tank top that had been on the coffee table.

"What are you doing?" Shepard asked.

"You'll see," she said.

Shepard left Jack to her vandalism while she dug out fresh clothes. She held a bra in her hand for a few seconds considering it before tucking it back in the drawer. After Shepard had her pants on, Jack handed her the tank top. Shepard held it up and looked it over. She had cut the material straight down the back and then cut it into fringes before tying the fringes back through the shoulder holes creating an appealing and practical solution to Shepard's need to cover her chest but not her back. Shepard smiled at the genius of it and pulled the tank top over her head.

"Well?" Jack asked as she started cleaning up her supplies.

"I love it, Jack. Thank you," Shepard said.

"Sure. I think it turned out pretty good. Try not to get shot there and fuck it up," Jack said.

Shepard laughed and promised she would do her best before walking Jack to the door. She stood in the doorway and waved to Jack as she stepped on the elevator before letting her cabin door close. Shepard made her bed before sitting down at the foot and resting her head in her hands. After a few minutes she found a fresh pair of socks and put on her boots before leaving the cabin and going down to the mess hall.

She was still struggling with her moment of existential crisis as she sat down on a bench across from Garrus. Samara sat not too far away, sipping at a steaming mug of what Shepard assumed was tea. She caught the asari's eye and offered her a smile. Samara smiled serenely and moved down closer to Shepard when Shepard waved her over.

"Hello, Commander. I hope your day has been pleasant," Samara said.

"It's been interesting. I spent the morning getting my first tattoo. It hurt a little more than I expected, but I've had worse," Shepard said turning on the bench so Samara could see.

"It is very vivid, but why is that bird on fire?" Samara asked.

Shepard turned back to the table and lifted her own mug of coffee to her lips before setting it back down in disappointment. She believed Grundan Krul truly had ruined her for any other coffee.

"It's from human mythology, a symbolism of death and rebirth. It dies in flames only to be reborn from its ashes once more. Well, at least that's one version. It seems to be the most popular," Shepard said.

"I see," Samara said.

Samara sipped her tea quietly; content to simply be sitting there. In other lives, her silence would have felt awkward to Shepard. She understood the ancient asari better now, and knew that companionable silence meant more to her than idle conversation. Garrus watched Shepard as she ate but didn't say much either. If anyone on this ship was one to pick up on Shepard's mood, it was Garrus. She could see the tension in his jaw as he watched her. She could tell that he was worried about her, and she wanted to try to reassure him but she knew that they would both know it was an empty gesture.

The mess began to fill as more and more people came for the mid-cycle meal. Samara quietly stood and said goodbye to Garrus and Shepard. Shepard soon found herself being pulled out of her funk as laughter filled the air. Kasumi was the first to materialize by Shepard's side and comment on her new fashion statement. She was soon followed by Lia who seemed confused by the tattoo, and then Kolyat who told Shepard that it looked nice. Mordin noted the impressive level of symmetry. Grunt insisted that a thresher maw would have been more intimidating. Shepard smiled and thanked them as the compliments and questions came but she still was grateful when Kolyat, Lia, and Kasumi migrated to where Jack sat at the next table to ask her about the piece.

They were still a couple of hours out so Shepard returned to her cabin to get some work done after lunch. She was lost in reports, returning messages, and plotting courses when EDI notified her an hour later that Thane was on his way to her cabin. Shepard gave EDI permission to allow Thane to enter and turned back to the laptop open in front of her. A minute later the door slid open behind her and she glanced over her shoulder.

"Give me just a second," she said turning her attention back to the laptop.

Shepard finished the message to Anderson and double checked that the attached files were the right ones before hitting send. She was sending him the first of what would probably be dozens of messages as she worked her way through the Cerberus files. She was sending him the urgent information as she came across it, mostly information on Cerberus moles within the Alliance and other areas of importance. The rest she would deliver in person. Her message warned that the information provided may no longer be accurate and it should be assumed that the Illusive Man was aware that Shepard had obtained the information.

Shepard closed the laptop lid and turned her chair to face Thane who had occupied himself by watching Spike move around in his tank. Shepard figured that his interest was less in the snake and more to assure her that he wasn't spying on whatever she was working on.

"What can I do for you, Thane?" Shepard asked.

He turned away from the terrarium and said, "I wanted to talk to you about Kahje before we arrive."

Shepard stood and gestured to the stairs. It told Shepard a lot about the level of trust Thane was beginning to extend to her when he dipped his head and walked ahead of her instead of waiting for her to go down first. He did, however, wait for her to be seated before sitting down himself.

"I do not wish to appear ungrateful for what you are doing for my son by bringing him here, but I find that I am obligated to make a request," Thane said.

"OK…," Shepard said.

"The hanar are an exceptionally private people and I do not believe that it would be seen as acceptable if I were to return with a group of heavily armed strangers," Thane said.

"Sure, I can see that. So you want to go down alone?" Shepard asked.

"I believe it would be for the best, if that is acceptable," Thane said.

"Well that's disappointing," Jane said.

"Yeah, no, it's not a problem. I mean, you're not expecting any trouble down there, right?" Shepard asked.

Thane smiled and said, "No, I am not. I won't be staying long, either. Breathing the air on Kahje was difficult for me ten years ago; I imagine it will be more so now."

Shepard frowned and said, "I'm sorry. I'm sure this is a difficult enough trip for you without the added discomfort. I'll have them get a shuttle ready for you. Have you given Joker what he needs?"

"I have, yes. Thank you, Shepard," Thane said as he moved to the stairs.

"No problem," Shepard said.

Thane stopped on the stairs and seemed to contemplate something before turning back to Shepard.

"I believe that I would be indulged in bringing one guest, perhaps if you were willing to leave your armor and weapons behind…," Thane said.

Shepard grinned and said, "How about I leave the armor, most of the weapons, and promise not to start a fight?"

"Trouble seems to find you easily," Thane commented.

"Hey, I said I wouldn't start a fight – and why else would I only agree to leave most of my guns behind. I'll keep something small; discreet. No one will know it's there," Shepard said.

Thane dipped his head and said, "Very well."

"I finally get to see Kahje, please don't blow the place up," Jane said.

"I'm not going to blow the place up. Gods, no one has any faith in me," Shepard thought. "I know how to play nice."

Shepard watched as he left the cabin. She contemplated going to ask Dr. Chakwas if there was something she could put over the tattoo, she wanted to be able to wear a full shirt without it sticking. In the end she decided to just keep on the modified tank top. If Jack could run around the galaxy wearing nothing on her torso but a few leather straps, Shepard could handle going backless for a day.

She sat back down at her desk and looked over a few more reports until EDI told her they were twenty minutes out and had obtained clearance. Shepard decided on her M-5 Phalanx thinking the guns smoother edges would make it easier to conceal. She debated between an ankle holster and a waist holster before securing the stretchy black material around her waist. The chopped up tank top hung looser in the front having been cut so she decided it would do the trick. She stopped in the bathroom to look in the mirror to be sure before heading down to the hangar.

Shepard checked to make sure the shuttle was ready before having EDI send Thane and Kolyat down. Kolyat's easy smile and laughter had vanished to be replaced with a somber mood as he climbed into the shuttle. Thane moved to the front of the shuttle to speak quietly with the pilot before sitting down next to his son.

"Is everything alright?" Shepard asked as she settled into the seat opposite them.

"My father has notified my uncle of my return. He will be meeting us when we land on Rising Tide," Kolyat said.

Shepard glanced at Thane hoping for an explanation.

"The island we are from," Thane said to Shepard before turning his attention to his son.

"Kolyat, Rone is your family. He cares about you and you left without telling your aunts and uncles anything," Thane said. "They have been worried."

"You left without telling me anything," Kolyat said.

Shepard winced but kept her mouth shut. Thane looked at the shuttle floor for a long time. When he spoke again, Shepard could hear the pain in his voice and she wished that she could comfort him. She wished she could comfort both of them.

"I made a mistake. I thought I was doing the right thing, what was best for you. I was wrong, Kolyat. I should have been there for you and for that I apologize. My mistakes are not the mistakes of your aunts and uncles; do not punish them," Thane said.

"I… I'm sorry, Father. I just don't understand why he needs to be there. I'm not a child, I don't need an escort," Kolyat said.

"He will not be there to escort you. He wishes to see you, to assure himself that you are indeed returned safe. You needn't go with him if you do not wish to, but you should at least speak with him," Thane said.

"Alright, fine. I'll speak with him," Kolyat said as he crossed his arms.

Shepard looked away from the young drell before he saw the smile tugging at her lips. As much as she could tell that Kolyat's petulance annoyed his father, she found it amusing. It wasn't long before Shepard could hear the steady patter of rain against the shuttle's exterior telling her they had broken through Kahje's atmosphere. Kolyat seemed to perk up at the sound, but Thane seemed to withdraw deeper into himself. The rest of the ride was spent in silence as they listened to the rain.

When the shuttle landed, Kolyat wasted no time throwing open the shuttle doors. The thick, muggy air felt like a solid wall as it hit Shepard in the face. She instantly felt the strain on her lungs and dreaded what it would do to Thane. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he grimaced and pushed the feeling aside. She climbed out of the shuttle behind Thane and closed the door behind her.

"He really shouldn't be here. Don't let him linger, even for Kolyat's sake," Jane said.

They stood just outside of giant domed building, its exterior composed of hundreds of thousands of triangular pieces, some of which were glass but most of which were something else. More domed buildings stood beside it and stretched out behind. Shepard wasn't sure what the material was, she doubted they would use much in the way of metal being surrounded by ocean. Not far from where she stood, trees towered over her, the giant fronds casting shadows over the area and giving them some protection from the rain. Shepard could hear the ocean off to her left and knew that if the trees weren't blocking her line of sight, she could see the water from where she stood. Dense vegetation hid the ground, making it appear impassable but as she watched hanar and drell picked their way through with practiced ease as they came and went from the shore.

Shepard stood out like a sore thumb among the exclusive population. She could feel people watching her from all directions as she let her eyes wander over the island; soaking in the simplistic beauty of the place. One hanar in particular seemed especially interested in Shepard's presence and eventually came closer to speak to her while Thane and Kolyat scanned the area looking for Rone.

"This one remembers you, Commander Shepard. You helped this one on the Citadel, allowing this one to speak the truth of the Enkindlers to all who would listen," the hanar said.

"Oh! Uh, yeah, I remember you. I'm sorry, I don't know what to call you, though," Shepard said.

"This one apologizes. It was rude for this one to not give you this one's face name. You may call this one Zender," the hanar said.

"Zender, thank you. So, have you moved away from the Citadel?" Shepard asked.

"This one was there when the geth attacked the Citadel. This one stayed for a while and helped as this one could. Then this one saw your vid warning of the reapers and heard the wisdom of your words. This one returned home to share your wisdom and to prepare for what is to come," Zender said.

"I'll be damned. I guess your video was a better idea than I thought," Jane said.

"I see. Are… are the hanar preparing for the invasion?" Shepard asked.

"We have increased our planetary defenses and have begun gathering supplies. This one is afraid there is not much else to be done," Zender said.

"I'm just happy to hear that you guys are taking steps. I think a lot of people weren't as willing to hear the truth as you were," Shepard said.

Zender turned slightly towards Thane. It took Shepard a moment to realize that Zender was using his bioluminescence to communicate with Thane in a manner that Shepard couldn't understand. Kolyat was standing a little behind Shepard between her and his father so she leaned closer to him and whispered.

"What's happening?" Shepard asked.

"He's asking Father whether it would be rude to ask you about… oh," Kolyat said.

"I do not believe she would mind," Thane said.

Zender flashed out another message and Thane bowed in response.

"Of course, it pleases me to be of service," Thane said.

Zender turned back to Shepard, bobbing gently in the air as he seemed to consider what he would say. Shepard felt a little tense; she really didn't care for people talking about her when she couldn't understand what was being said. The way Kolyat deflected at the last minute really made her uncomfortable. So, she smiled through her discomfort and waited the hanar out.

"This one heard terrible news of the destruction of the Normandy," Zender said. "This one did not expect to ever see you on this one's home world."

The two statements seemed so unrelated at first that they gave Shepard pause. It took her a moment to process that this was the hanar equivalent of 'I thought you were dead'. Shepard was really getting tired of hearing that. Jane seemed greatly amused by Shepard's irritation.

"Oh. Oh, yes. I did die in that attack but some people found my body and were able to revive me. It took a long time and a lot of experimental tech but they got me back on my feet again," Shepard said.

"This one is pleased to see that you are well and welcomes you to Kahje," Zender said.

"Thank you, Zender. It's a beautiful planet," Shepard said.

"Father, there is Uncle Rone," Kolyat said.

"Ah. We should go to him so that he does not need to come out into the rain," Thane said.

"This one was pleased to see you again, Commander Shepard," Zender said.

"It was good to see you, too," Shepard said and waved at the hanar as he floated away.

Kolyat laughed at Shepard and she shrugged.

"I haven't exactly spent a lot of time with hanar," Shepard muttered.

"That's obvious," Kolyat said.

"Kolyat," Thane said.

"What? I'm just saying that if Zender wasn't use to other races he would have found her unbearably offensive," Kolyat said.

"Kolyat, you are being rude to Shepard," Thane said.

"Father, look at her, she's smiling. She doesn't care," Kolyat said.

Thane glanced over his shoulder at Shepard to find that she was smiling and he shook his head in dismay. He led them into the nearest building and wove his way through the crowd. Shepard noticed immediately that the air was much drier inside and she marveled at how much easier she could breathe. The rain evaporated almost instantly from her skin.

Shepard looked around the building as they crossed the floor to Rone. The inside was not what she expected at all. Evenly spaced, intricately carved support columns spanned the entire ground level. A large staircase sat in the center of the room, aligned with the main doors. Mostly drell, but a few hanar as well milled about the open floorplan of the ground level. One area off to the side seemed to have been set up like an open market with tables and blankets laid out displaying goods for sell.

The stairs spiraled upwards and light trickled down from above. Once she was close enough, she could see that the stairs seemed to go on all the way to the top of the building. She could tell that they let out at each floor as drell moved off the stairs and on to balconies before disappearing from her sight. They came to a stop a few feet away from Rone. Shepard watched curiously as the drell took turns bowing to one another. She lingered a few feet behind Thane, wanting to give the drell room for their reunion but was soon ushered forward by Thane to be introduced.

"Rone, this is Commander Shepard. She was kind enough to bring us to Kahje," Thane said.

"Hello," Shepard said as she accepted Rone's hand into her own.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Commander. I must thank you for brining my nephew home," Rone said.

"It was my decision, Uncle. Father had already joined her crew anyway," Kolyat said.

"Kolyat," Thane and Rone said in unison.

Shepard had to stifle a laugh. Kolyat sighed and turned to Shepard.

"My apologies. Thank you, Commander Shepard, for you generosity and your hospitality. I am in your debt," Kolyat said.

"It was a pleasure having you aboard, Kolyat," Shepard said.

Kolyat bowed his head to Shepard before turning back to his uncle. Shepard took a few steps to the side to stare out the open windows at the trees in the distance while the others talked. After a few minutes, Shepard noticed that a group of drell women dressed in light flowing clothes that exposed much of their scales were inching their way closer to her. They were giggling to each other and looking in her direction unabashedly. She didn't want to take the time to count heads, but she estimated there were about thirteen of them in total. Shepard stepped back closer to Thane hoping she didn't just find trouble.

"I don't think they're armed," Jane offered.

"Is that going to be a problem?" Shepard asked inclining her head towards the group of women. "Because I didn't do anything, I swear."

The three drell looked at the group of women eyeing Shepard and Kolyat started laughing. Shepard looked at him, and when he saw the confusion on her face he only laughed harder. She looked at Thane whose face was carefully and completely void of expression. Rone turned back to Shepard and was the first to talk.

"No, Commander, they will not be a problem," Rone said.

Finally, Kolyat stopped laughing enough to add, "Father! You let her come to Kahje with her back exposed without telling her of the Unwed?"

"The Unwed?" Shepard asked.

"An unfortunate oversight," Thane said.

"What's going on?" Jane asked sounding as confused as Shepard felt.

Shepard narrowed her eyes at Thane and his lip twitched with the suppressed smile.

"What do you mean the Unwed? What am I missing?" Shepard asked.

Kolyat's laughter picked up and Thane wasn't saying anything else. Shepard looked to Rone hoping he might clarify.

"The Unwed are what we call young women who have either decided not to marry, or have simply yet to find someone they wish to be bound to, in particular we use that term to refer to those who chose to bask in their… ah, freedom and flaunt it for all to see," Rone said.

"Good for them, what's that got to do with us?" Jane asked.

"It's your tattoo, Commander. Father let you walk in here with an open invitation for the Unwed to approach. You should go talk to them. They want to see your lover's mark and hear about how good he is in bed," Kolyat said. "Maybe you can put in a good word for me."

"Kolyat," Rone said.

"What, it's the truth?! Plus she's human so they're probably really excited to talk to her," Kolyat said.

"Kolyat, give the Commander your jacket," Rone said.

Kolyat sighed and began to take off his jacket. Shepard held out a hand to stop him.

"That's alright, Kolyat," Shepard said.

She looked at Thane who was trying very hard to not look at her. She pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest.

"An oversight my ass, Krios," Shepard said.

His lip twitched again. Shepard sighed and started walking over to the group of women.

"Shepard, what are you doing?" Thane called after her.

"Exactly what's expected of me," Shepard threw back over her shoulder.

Kolyat's laughter egged her on as she crossed the open floor to the group of young women. They all turned to face her with eager smiles as she approached. As she got closer she could see that many of them had tattoos themselves, their clothing strategically placed to show them off. Some looked as fresh as Shepard's while others were faded and barely noticeable. The women moved in to meet Shepard, forming a circle around her. That made her nervous but she sucked it up and smiled.

"Hello, I'm Shepard," she said.

"Show us, Shepard, let us see your lover's mark," a drell in front of her said.

Shepard grinned and turned in a slow circle so each woman could see her tattoo.

"It's ah, not a lover's mark. It's just sentimental; a friend did it for me this morning. Humans don't – we get tattoos for all sorts of reasons," Shepard said.

Disappointed groans replaced the excited sounds coming from the drell moments before.

"But I do have a lover, and I will tell you about him if you'd like to hear," Shepard said.

Shepard found herself being dragged off to sit on the floor next to the window by the women, surrounded by squeals of excitement. She felt the women's hands move over her, touching her hair and her clothes as they went. The questions came so fast that Shepard had trouble tracking who had asked what and what had even been asked. Questions were asked about the phoenix, about her hair, about the color of her eyes and everything in between. Two of the women ran off to one of the market stands and came back with leather wineskins and began passing them around. When they had her settled in on the floor they quieted and watched her expectantly.

"His name is Garrus, he's a turian I met a few years ago," Shepard began.

"Your lover is a turian?" someone asked from behind Shepard.

"Oh how exciting," another said.

"Have you been with an asari? I am told they make excellent lovers," still another asked from behind her.

Shepard laughed and said, "Yes, he is turian and ohhhh yesss he is exciting. I have been with an asari, it is certainly one of the most fascinating experiences to have your minds joined in that moment of ecstasy."

"Oh gods. I'm not listening to this," Jane said.

Shepard accepted the wineskin when it was passed to her and took a small drink. It had a stronger citrus taste, was far sweeter, and less bitter than most of the human made wine she had tasted. Shepard took another drink before passing it on. A few seconds later she felt the familiar tingle of drell venom on her lips and tongue.

"I've never seen a turian out of their armor," someone said.

"I have, I took one as a lover when the trade ships came last," another said.

She was teal colored with yellow streaks along her jaw. She sat right next to Shepard running her fingers through Shepard's ponytail. Shepard could see a tattoo of what looked like seaweed trailing over her shoulder.

"Lina! You never said, I think you're making it up," said a light brown and tan woman sitting across from Shepard.

"I'm not making it up, it just wasn't something I wished to share. It was awkward and he didn't even please me," Lina said.

Shepard chuckled, drawing the attention of the group back to her.

Lina asked, "Does your turian please you?"

"Very much so," Shepard said.

Shepard spent the next ten minutes providing them with enough detail about her time with Garrus that she was sure that even he would blush if he were there to hear her. Shepard continued to drink as the wine was passed around feeling herself slowly getting intoxicated between the venom and wine. After that they wanted to know about human men, so Shepard relayed a few stories of her one night stands while on shore leave before she was stationed on the Normandy. They wanted to hear about asari, so Shepard told them what she could, pulling from Jane's memories with Liara and feeling her heartbreak as she spoke.

"Shepard? We have upset you?" Lina asked.

Shepard wiped at her eyes and said, "No, I was just reminded of someone I recently lost. She meant a lot to me, she was very important and I miss her dearly."

Lina slipped her hand into Shepard's palm and squeezed gently. Shepard smiled and squeezed her hand in return.

"He comes for you, is he your lover, too?" the one they called Fahara asked.

Shepard looked over her shoulder to see Thane walking towards the group. Kolyat and Rone were nowhere to be seen.

"Sadly, he is not," Shepard said with a smirk.

The giggles that followed that remark were enough to slow Thane's stride. Shepard laughed and stood up from the floor. The others rose to their feet with her. Shepard was volleyed around as each of the women took turns kissing her on the cheek and hugging her. Shepard returned the hugs and kisses with genuine affection. She stepped away from the group to meet Thane, turning back half way to wave at the women once more.

"They seem quite taken with you. You handled that far better than I expected, I am impressed," Thane said when Shepard stopped in front of him.

"Did you really think I'd fold under a challenge that easily?" Shepard asked.

"It appears I was mistaken," Thane said.

The trickle of light filtering down from the staircase gave Thane's face a strange halo. Shepard tilted her head back to follow the light upwards and swayed on her feet. Thane slipped a hand under her elbow to steady her and she looked back at him in surprise.

"Shepard, are you well?" Thane asked.

"It's the wine going to my head, and maybe the venom, too. It'll be gone before we're back on the ship," Shepard said.

"Ah. I did not expect you to share drinks with them… or kiss them. I would have warned you that the females of my species produce stronger venom, particularly in their saliva. Do you need to sit down somewhere for a while. Perhaps drink some water?" Thane asked.

Shepard smiled and said, "No, I'll be alright. It's already fading. It's kind of nice not to feel the weight of the galaxy resting on my shoulders for a few minutes. Thank you for bringing me with you. It's truly a beautiful place."

Thane looked around him and said, "Indeed."

"You sure you don't want to do anything else while we're here?" Shepard asked.

"I am certain, Siha. Thank you," Thane said.

Shepard felt her face light up as she threaded her fingers together and rested her knuckles on her lips. Thane studied her expression with curiosity.

"I didn't think I'd get to hear you call me that this lifetime," she said dropping her hands.

"I have called you this before?" Thane asked with a hint of surprise.

"Mmhmm. Though it means something more hearing it this time," Shepard said.

"Oh?" Thane asked.

"It means that you've accepted me, no matter how different we are this time and that we'll be alright," Shepard said.

They started moving again, a slow stroll; taking their time getting to the exit. Shepard slipped her arm though his as they walked and smiled when Thane adjusted his arm to better accommodate hers without losing stride.

"How are you feeling?" Shepard asked suddenly stopping. "Is being here too much for your Kepral's Syndrome?"

"The buildings are designed to more closely mimic conditions on Rakhana, it is not so bad as long as I am inside. The less time I spend outdoors, the better," Thane said.

"I – I don't want to leave yet. I'm not ready to get back to work. Can't we stay for just a little longer? We can just stay in here," Shepard said.

"Shepard, I –," Thane started to say.

"I'll tell you whatever you want to know! Answer all of your questions, I swear!" Shepard blurted out.

Shepard regretted it the instant she said it but she wouldn't go back on her word. A part of her hoped that Thane would insist on leaving right away but she knew that wasn't going to happen when she saw the curiosity flood his eyes.

"I believe there is a café on the next level," Thane said.

"That works. Just… be kind," Shepard said as Thane led her back to the staircase.

Thane smiled, making no promises as he took Shepard up the staircase to the next level. She looked back down over the balcony and felt herself sway again. Thane tightened his grip on her arm but said nothing. The design of the second level reminded Shepard of the old malls from Earth except most of the doors seemed to lead to private dwellings as opposed to specialty stores selling everything from cosmetics, to skycar accessories.

Thane led her to several small tables pushed flush against the balcony and a little further away from the bulk of the crowd. Shepard took a seat and watched him as he walked inside the small café before returning with two steaming mugs. He sat one down in front of her before taking the chair across from her. Shepard picked up the mug and breathed in the rich aroma coming from the dark liquid before taking a sip. She thought it tasted like a mix of coffee, black tea, and hot cocoa. She made an appreciative sound and sat the mug back on the table wondering if she could convince him to make the drink back on the Normandy.

Thane began by asking her about the incident in the med bay. It wasn't the first question she expected, but it was as good of place as any to start. Shepard tried not to fidget as she struggled to find the words to explain what she felt in that moment, the way the emotions from Jane and the others overwhelmed and fueled her own anger. The way they tore down her ability to respond rationally and calmly. This lead to her explaining what it felt like for her to hear Jane and see Jane's memories. What it was like to feel Jane's emotions and how much of what Shepard felt and saw didn't come directly from Jane but was filtered through Jane from the others.

As the wine and venom wore away, Jane became more vocal, interjecting her opinion on everything Shepard said. She interpreted every expression or lack thereof from Thane and criticized Shepard for sharing so much information with the drell. Jane questioned Shepard's willingness to trust Thane after his past behavior, and Shepard questioned Jane's refusal to trust him over his cautiousness. He hadn't actually harmed Shepard, even if he had threatened her but considering the circumstances she thought his reaction was reasonable. Even if it did take restraint on her part to not break his nose.

Thane asked her what she meant when she said Jane was trying to take over again, so she told him about the night on the Citadel when she saw Marcedus chasing Varcus out of C-Sec. Shepard watched him closely as she talked, but it seemed to her that the closer she watched him the more careful he was to not allow any expression to slip through. She feared what he might think, what anyone who knew about Jane might think if they knew that she could take over. Shepard didn't know what Jane was really capable of in her state of mind. She told him that she did finally talk to Garrus about it, and that he took it better than she expected. Shepard hinted that she was curious as to what Thane thought, but he offered her nothing.

When he finally spoke again, it was to ask her about the experience of being trapped inside of her own head while Jane controlled her body. Shepard found herself rubbing her own arms, trying to comfort herself as she did her best to detail the nightmarish event. She told him that most of the others sounded broken to her, like shattered pieces of the people they once were but that there were a few others that were louder, stronger, and bitter. She caught the faintest flicker of concern in his eyes when she told him that one of them said that he was going to take a turn next as if her body was a carnival ride or a stolen skycar that he could joyride. She wasn't sure if he was concerned for her or for everyone else around her.

After a while, Thane wasn't even asking direct questions anymore but just listening to Shepard ramble. She realized that once she had started, it wasn't so easy to stop. She told him about how she had almost lost Garrus by choosing to walk into death and making him promise not to intervene. How Liara and Ashley died because of that choice, and how important Liara was. Now that she was gone, Shepard had to figure out how to replace someone who was irreplaceable. She told him how Garrus had found her body and taken her to Cerberus when it would have been Liara, and speculated on how much that cost him to do. She debated aloud whether that was worse for him than getting in the escape pod and holding Joker down while Shepard stood there waiting for death.

She found herself talking about how many things were different because of what choices she had made, even simple things like changing the conversations she had with people had altered other things. She told him that she wasn't sure if any of it was going to do any good in the end, and she was terrified of waking up in someone else's head with Jane and the others. She talked about how desperate she was to find another way to defeat the reapers that didn't involve the Crucible because she felt sure that if she had to face the Intelligence again it would already be too late for her.

He asked her about the ways that he was different from before, and Shepard hesitated. She realized she didn't really know how to answer that, she searched her mind for descriptive phrases and found that none of them painted the right picture. She finally settled on telling him how tranquil he was, how he had accepted his fate and was prepared to die secure in the idea that he had done what he could to atone for his sins. How eager he had been to make sure Kolyat didn't follow in his footsteps, and how much it meant to him to have the chance to make things right with his son. She told him that his sense of humor lacked the mischievous streak he seemed to develop since she came into his life this time. Shepard apologized for following him that day on the Citadel. She said it was foolish, not because he might have killed her but because it was a selfish act that altered his life.

"Shepard, the path I am on is one that I have chosen. I am where I wish to be. I have little time left in my life and you have filled it with a purpose other than tracking down my target and executing them as efficiently as possible before moving on to the next," Thane said.

Shepard smiled and said, "Defending the galaxy from the collectors is a good purpose."

"Yes, but that is only a part of what I mean," Thane said.

"What else do you mean, then?" Shepard asked.

"At first you were a puzzle to unravel. The mystery possessed me for a time as I exhausted my ability to obtain every bit of information about you as I could, followed you at every opportunity. Then I received word that the Normandy had been destroyed and your body was never found. I was… disappointed. You were gone and the mystery remained unsolved," Thane said.

"I suppose disappointed is better than relieved," Shepard said.

Thane smiled as he continued, "Then, two years later a contact of mine reaches out to me to tell me that there are rumors that a ship called the Normandy was seen and the person in charge was a woman calling herself Commander Shepard. I had to see for myself, I had to know if it was true and you had survived."

"Why didn't you talk to me? You let me see you on the Citadel, let Garrus see you but then you just disappeared," Shepard said.

"It wasn't time and I had much to learn about the people you were working for," Thane said.

"I'm sure learning I was with Cerberus did little to help my cause," Shepard said.

"It may have encouraged me to be a 'paranoid pain in the ass' as you put it, but it added to the mystery," Thane said.

He leaned towards her, the intensity in his eyes taking Shepard by surprise as he spoke.

"Siha, you gave me something other than death, my own and that of others, to focus on. If I am different, if I am mischievous, it is because I am learning to enjoy the life that I have left," Thane said.

"I'm happy to hear that, Thane. What about now, how do you see me now?" Shepard asked.

"Now, you remain every bit as mysterious but have given me even more reason to be grateful. You have returned my son to me. I believed for many years that there would be no one left to mourn me. It is selfish, I know, but it brings me comfort knowing that there are at least two people now that will miss me when I have gone to the sea," Thane said as he sat back in his chair. "With you, perhaps far more than two."

"Yeah," Shepard said as she stared down at her mug.

Thane softened his tone as he spoke, "I see the deeper emotion there, Shepard. The feelings you dance around and try to keep from your face when I'm around. Jane's feelings or perhaps one of the others? I only hope that whoever I was before, I understood and appreciated the love they gave."

Shepard took her time responding, chewing on her lip and picking at the mug with her thumbnail.

"Not Jane in particular. She loved Kaidan, but many of the others loved you. And believe it or not, you loved them, too," Shepard said.

"That's hardly the least believable thing you've told me," Thane said.

Shepard chuckled and lifted a shoulder before she said, "Well, I know that you haven't reached outside of your own species… and you haven't loved anyone since Irikah. If it helps, they always had to make the first move on you. Most of the time it would happen after you'd refer to them as a friend. Then I'd – they'd say that was a start…"

Thane leaned his elbows on the table and clasped his hands in front of his face as he listened. The memories flashed through Shepard's mind as she spoke. She could feel Jane stirring restlessly in her mind. Shepard realized that Jane's restlessness was her trying to combat the onslaught of emotions being thrown at her from the others.

"A start?" Thane asked.

Shepard blushed and marveled at the irony.

"Yeah, that's not too different from how you responded. You always left them hanging with a cryptic 'A start? That's… intriguing'," Shepard said making air quotes. "You came around to the idea, though."

Thane sat back and laughed, his head tilted towards the ceiling. Shepard stared at him in amazement; she had never heard him laugh before. There was never anything more than the soft snickering she had grown used to in all of the memories. All movement from Jane ceased as all attention was riveted to the sound coming from Thane.

"I finally get to hear you laugh, I mean truly, fully laugh and it's at my expense. I'm too shocked to even be offended," Shepard said.

"Forgive me, Shepard. It's just that I expected there to be something more… well, dramatic behind your reaction to such a simple word," Thane said.

"Oh there is. Because it was a start. And every time I look at you I'm reminded of exactly what followed. I know the sound of your voice whispering your love into my ear. I look at you and I remember what it feels like to be wrapped up in your arms. The feel your tongue in my mouth," Shepard said.

Sensations tugged at Shepard, threatening to overwhelm her senses and she gently pushed them a way. Thane's laughter died down, he shifted in his chair, the smile on his face slowly falling. Shepard couldn't tell for sure what he was thinking but she felt it was her turn to make him feel awkward and maybe be a little mischievous. She leaned forward and lowered her voice.

"I look at you and I know exactly what your clothes hide and exactly how it would feel to drag my nails down your back. I know just where to touch, just what to do… just how you would sound when you allow yourself to let go. I know every inch of what I'm missing. So yeah, it feels a little more dramatic than just a simple word," Shepard said before she pushed her chair away and stood up from the table. "I'm ready to go now."

She took three steps before he called to her. She took a deep breath and let it out slow, willing away the memories and her own reactions to them before turning around.

"Shepard. Siha, please, sit down for just a moment longer. That was… callous of me. Allow me to apologize," Thane said.

Shepard brushed a few stray hairs away from her face and sat back down.

"You don't need to apologize. I think I made my point," she said.

"Quite. Shepard, I," Thane said before hesitating. "I think I may have made an error in my evaluation of the situation. I must ask you…"

"Is it just the burden of sharing my mind with the others?" Shepard offered.

"Indeed. Shepard, I wouldn't have made light of the situation if –," Thane started to say.

"It doesn't matter either way, Thane. I'm with Garrus and you never were one to share," Shepard said putting on the best smile she could muster. "We really should get going."

"I – yes, of course," Thane said as he stood and pushed in his chair.

They returned to the shuttle in uncomfortable silence. Shepard felt the last vestiges of that relaxed feeling slipping away as she stepped into the shuttle and settled into her seat. By the time they were back on the Normandy, her mind was refocused on how she was going to save the galaxy and save herself.