Disclaimer: Don't own RENT, wish I did, but I don't.
The moon was shining inside the room, everywhere I looked, I saw her. Those wavy black-brown locks. Those brown eyes, like frozen hot chocolate. They were always swirling, pulling me inward, sucking me up. I wanted to touch her again, but no. She didn't want me, she rejected me. She rejected the nerd she use to love.
I felt like my life was just slowly falling apart. I really don't know what triggered it, maybe April's death. Maybe Maureen dumping me. Maybe Maureen deciding to become a lesbian. I don't know what it was. But everything was setting into place, and waiting for the spark to set it off. I knew I was setting myself up for it, and I couldn't help it. I love Maureen. I love Maureen. She was all I could think about. She was a drug, like the heroin running through Roger's veins. She was the drug, and needed it. I needed it to breathe. I needed it in order to see or to hear. I had to have that drug, to survive; I had to have the drug. I had to have Maureen…
But Maureen didn't want me. She lost her interest in me. I was Mark, the former lover. I still gawked at her. She was perfect, we were soul mates, we were meant to be, and I knew it. I just couldn't stop myself. I was so in love with her, I made up dreams. She would hold me close at night, and she would press that peach colored lips into mine. Her tongue caress mine, her fingers softly touch mine. Her soft skin against mine, I dreamed dreams every night. But they weren't dreams, they were memories. Memories of Maureen, the painful memories of my first love. Every night, I pretended she was still in bed beside me, and I was still inside of her, but no. We weren't together anymore. She was with Joanne. I was just a used paper towel. She kept using me over and over again, until I was falling apart. I was among the other disposable paper towels. Except, I was used over and over again, and when she was finally ready to throw me away, I didn't land in the trash can. I landed on the floor, broken-hearted and destroyed.
I smiled at myself, in spite of myself. Why was I smiling? I had just been dumped…
Roger came into the loft, out of the bathroom. He picked up his guitar, and slowly strummed Musetta's Waltz, over and over again.
"Damn Roger, stop playing that song," I said. He looked over at me.
"Didn't realize you were back from your date so early. So, what happened?" he asked me. I looked up at him. "Jesus Mark, you look horrible," he said. I remained silent, and he looked at me with those green eyes. They twitched, and read mine. After a few moments, he relaxed, and looked down at the ground.
"You dumped you," he said.
"She dumped me," I said. Roger looked up at me.
"Mark, I'm not gonna say that everything will be alright, because I know it won't. But, please, I need you. Don't you dare turn into me," he said.
"Why not? Everyone likes you, everyone likes Roger," I said. Roger put his guitar down beside him, and walked over towards me. He grabbed my shirt, and started shaking me.
"No, you don't. You don't want to be me. Don't you dare turn into me," he said, grinding his teeth. I looked at him. Roger, was protecting me. I then suddenly stopped, and wanted to start crying. She was gone…
So I did cry. I cried and sobbed and Roger just sat there, comforting me.
"It won't be alright, but things will work out," he said. "Trust me…they will," he said.
And I trusted him. And sure enough, nothing was alright, but everything worked out. For the worse.