Chapter 25: Sick and Twisted People
Shepard leaned against the bulkhead with one ankle crossed over the other watching Jack. The biotic was stretched out on her small cot tucked away beneath engineering tossing a small pocketknife up into the air and then catching it again before it could embed itself in her face.
"What's up, Alliance? Looking for more ink already? I'm telling you once you get that first one, it's hard to stop," Jack said flinging the knife up again.
Shepard waited for her to catch it before she said, "Not just yet. We're about forty minutes out from Pragia. You ready for this?"
There was a slight pause, a break in Jack's steady rhythm before she threw the knife again. Two tosses later Jack finally spoke, her voice sounded a little hoarse to Shepard's ears.
"No shit?" Jack asked.
"No shit. Meet at the shuttles in twenty?" Shepard asked.
"We're going to blow the place up, right?" Jack asked.
Shepard moved to the cot and snatched the knife out of the air before it could spiral back down towards Jack. Jack looked up at her, anger flashed brief in her eyes before wariness settled into place. Shepard closed the knife against her hip before pulling a detonator out of her pocket and dangling it above Jack's face. Shepard waited for Jack's eyes to lock on to the detonator and the slow smile to spread across her face before dropping the detonator. Jack caught it with the same practiced ease as she had the knife. Shepard tossed the closed pocketknife on the cot next to Jack's hip and walked away.
"See you in twenty, Jack," Shepard said over her shoulder as she walked up the stairs.
"Fuck yeah!" Jack yelled back.
Shepard geared up and made her way to the hangar. She asked EDI along the way to block any signals leaving the Teltin facility that weren't from her or the team. She didn't want to run the risk of the Illusive Man still being able to listen in. Garrus was already leaning against one of the shuttles checking his thermal clips. Jack wasn't down there yet, but Shepard knew she would be soon enough. Shepard felt bad about asking him to go out again so soon after the collector ship, but he insisted he was up for it. She wondered if he was really up for it, or just so against the idea of her going down without him after the Jane incident that he was pushing himself.
Jack arrived, a grin on her face. She carried the detonator in her hand, flipping the lid open and closed again.
"Please tell me that's not real," Garrus said.
"Oh it is, but the bomb isn't live yet so we're safe," Shepard said.
Garrus pulled the shuttle door open and they all climbed inside. Jack was antsy on the ride down, shaking her legs in her seat and looking out the window every few seconds. She was quiet this time, she didn't share any doubts about going back as she had with Jane. Garrus' attention shifted between Shepard and Jack as he watched them both with wary eyes.
"I'm fine, Garrus," Shepard said.
"Tell him I'm sorry," Jane said.
"Now's not the time," Shepard thought.
She reached over and took his hand in hers giving it a little squeeze. He returned the gentle pressure and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand only letting her go when the shuttle landed. Unsurprisingly, Jack was the first out of the shuttle. Shepard drew her pistol and activated her Incendiary ammo.
"Thought this place was shut down?" Jack asked.
"Just looking out for the local wildlife. Look at this place, it's a damn jungle," Shepard said.
"Yeah, those wild Blood Pack are dangerous," Jane said.
"Varren, too. Right?" Shepard thought.
"Varren, too," Jane said.
"Yeah," Jack turned to look out over the mass of tangled greenery that had claimed most of the facility, "that's why they put the landing pad up here."
Garrus looked at Shepard and she mouthed the words 'Blood Pack'. He nodded and got his assault rifle out. Jack took out her pistol and headed for the stairs leading down from the roof. Shepard smiled; pleased with herself over how much more confident Jack seemed coming back to her own personal hell.
"She does … You're doing good with her," Jane said.
"Uh, thanks," Shepard thought.
"Any place in specific you want to put this thing, Jack?" Garrus asked.
"Yeah. My old cell. Right in the middle of the facility. Blow the whole fucking place sky high," Jack said.
"Hey how about when we're done here we raid Shepard's liquor cabinet?" Garrus said.
"Knew there was a reason I liked you," Jack said.
"And here I was thinking it was just because I look so damn good in my armor," Garrus said.
Shepard snorted and said, "You look much better out of it. Alright Jack, lead the way."
"He hates me now," Jane said.
"Maybe. You shot him. We haven't really had a chance to talk about it," Shepard thought.
Jack led them down the stairs and across a walkway before going down a ramp and into the facility. She paused to look around the area. It was empty aside from crates and large shipping containers. Jack strolled over to look at the shipping containers and put her hand on one.
"Can you believe they brought the new kids here in these? Like fucking cattle," Jack said. "Covered in their own shit and piss, half starved to death. Sometimes by the time they got here, they were already dead."
"Shepard, I do not understand why they would transport living people in shipping containers not designed to support human life," EDI said, her voice coming in through Shepard's comm.
"What they were doing was highly illegal, EDI, a form of human trafficking and so they used a method that was cheap and wouldn't be under as much scrutiny. Less of a risk of being caught," Shepard said.
"If they had a vested interest in these children, as cattle as Ms. Jack has suggested, wouldn't they take measures to protect their interests?" EDI asked.
"Because Cerberus is run by sick and twisted people," Jane said.
"They… they saw the other children as disposable. If a few didn't make it, it was no real loss to them. They thought that they could always get more," Shepard said choking on the words.
"Have I upset you, Shepard? Your blood pressure has increased and you are breathing more rapidly," EDI asked.
"No, EDI, you haven't upset me. The people who did this have," Shepard said.
"I am sorry that this has happened, Shepard," EDI said.
"Jack's the one who needs to hear it," Shepard said.
"Hear what?" Jack said, looking over her shoulder.
Jack turned her head to the right and seemed to be listening to something from the ornate earpiece she wore.
"Yeah," Jack spoke softly, "thanks, EDI."
Shepard waited for Jack to take the lead, she wanted her to have as much control as she could while in this place. She thought Jack needed it and it was a small sacrifice to make on her part. She knew there was trouble ahead, and when it came, she'd be back in front of Jack leading her in the fight, but for now Jack was in charge. When she was ready, Jack crossed the room and opened the next door.
Shepard stood to the side and watched as Jack listened to the recording that played on loop, the hologram damaged and barely visible. The man in the recording spoke about hiding things from the Illusive Man but Shepard didn't believe they'd hidden anything nearly as well as they thought they had. She didn't believe for a second that the Illusive Man didn't always know exactly what was going on at the Teltin facility, and he let it happen secure in his ability to claim that he wasn't informed. Jack didn't seem to believe it one bit either. Shepard stopped the recording after it played through a couple of times and looked at Jack.
"You want me to have EDI pull anything from this place?" Shepard asked.
Jack hesitated before shaking her head.
"I know what went on here, I don't need it. I'm going to blow this place up and none of it will matter anymore," Jack said.
"If only that were true," Jane said.
"Alright. Let's keep moving then," Shepard said.
Shepard and Garrus followed Jack further into the facility. Jack spoke about her escape as they moved through the area, but it didn't seem to trouble her as much as Jane remembered. She didn't bat an eye when the varren charged, sweeping them away with a Shockwave before opening fire. Jack stopped to listen to a recording at a terminal of a security guard requesting permission to terminate the other subjects. They had gotten lose and the security guard was afraid Jack would get loose. She shook her head in disbelief when the security guard was given the response that all others were expendable except Jack. Shepard decided it was time to tell Jack what she knew.
"There's a reason why they called you Subject Zero, Jack. You were the point of this facility," Shepard said.
"Bullshit," Jack said.
"It's the truth, Jack. Everything they did to you, they did to the other kids first. They used them as guinea pigs to perfect their methods for you. That's why so many of them died. Why they kept brining in new ones. Why it seemed like others were leaving while you stayed," Shepard said. "Jack, it's why they kept you away from the other kids except when it came time to test you. See how strong you were getting by making you fight the other children."
"No. No that's bullshit, Shepard. They did all kinds of things to me. They tortured me for days. Pumped me full of drugs and kept me locked up in that room. The other kids, they hated me, they all hated me. I got the worst of it, every time. You don't fucking know, you weren't here, Shepard," Jack said, her voice rising and her biotics flaring up around her as she paced and shook her head.
"Careful, Dawn. You're pushing too hard," Jane said.
"No, she can handle this. She may not want to hear it, but she can handle it," Shepard thought.
"You're right, Jack. The kids did hate you," Shepard said.
Jack stopped pacing and looked at Shepard.
"Because they knew that the shit they were enduring was all for you. They knew that they were being experimented on so that you only got the shit that made you stronger and none of the shit that killed them" Shepard said.
"You don't know that, she barely came to terms with this figuring it out on her own," Jane said.
Jack licked her lips and shook her head. She was still fighting it, still denying the truth Shepard was speaking.
"These people wanted you strong, Jack. They wanted you to be the most powerful human biotic alive. They wanted to push you, they used psychological torture to shape and mold you, to trigger more powerful biotic reactions." Shepard's voice rose as she spoke, trying to cut through Jack's denial. "They used drugs to reward you for attacking, and punished you when you didn't."
Jack stopped shaking her head and looked off into the distance as Shepard spoke. Her biotics continued to lick and jump around her skin. Shepard could see the glassy look to her eyes as the terrible memories threatened to drag her back. Garrus put a hand on Shepard's shoulder but she wasn't done. She needed Jack to hear the truth before Shepard made her one more promise.
"The worst part of it all, Jack? They didn't really give two shits if it was you or someone else that they were doing this to, you just were unlucky enough to show the most potential. They wanted to turn you into a weapon, and they hoped to be able to repeat the process with others. And it worked," she said.
"That isn't helping," Jane warned.
Jack turned to stare into Shepard's eyes. Shepard could see the rage like a fire burning in Jack's soul. Shepard was walking a fine line on the trust she had built with Jack already. She was taking a huge gamble and she knew it. She continued with a softer tone now that she had Jack's full attention.
"Look at you, Jack. You are the most powerful human biotic and you're still filled with so much rage you'll rip anything apart that gets in your way. They made a weapon alright; they were just too stupid to realize that they never broke you in the process," Shepard said. "You weren't their weapon and that as soon as you had your chance you'd be the weapon that ended them. They're dead and you're still alive."
"Not all of them. The Illusive Man is still alive," Jack said.
"Tell her. Tell her now. She needs to hear it now or you're going to lose her," Jane said.
"Shh. I am. I've got this," Shepard thought.
A slow smile spread across Shepard's face.
"Not for long, Jack. Not for long. And when I go to his little hideout to put a bullet between his eyes, I'm taking you with me. I promise," Shepard said.
"Shit, Shepard. You're serious?" Jack asked.
"I'm serious. But let's not go advertising that to the other's just yet," Shepard said.
"Shit, right, of course. But what about EDI? I mean, isn't she listening to everything you're saying?" Jack asked, her biotics dying down.
"I trust EDI, she won't say a word to him about this," Shepard said.
"How can you be so sure?" Jack asked.
"Let's just say you aren't the only person I broke out of prison," Shepard said.
Jane chuckled, her amusement seeping in around the edges of Shepard's consciousness.
"What?" Jack asked.
"Shepard had Legion remove EDI's shackles," Garrus said.
"No shit?! So, what, there's nothing stopping her from taking over the ship and killing us all?" Jack asked.
"Just her lack of desire to do so," Shepard said with a grin.
"Damn. Remind me to stay on EDI's good side," Jack said.
"I can set daily, weekly, or monthly reminders for you, Ms. Jack. Would you like for me to do so?" EDI's voice broke through the comms.
"Uh, no. I –," Jack started to say.
"That was a joke," EDI said.
Garrus chuckled and Shepard laughed at the look on Jack's face. She patted Jack on the arm.
"Should probably get use to that. Her personality is developing more fully now without the shackles and she spends most of her time with Joker," Shepard said. "Most of the crew don't know about her yet, so we'd appreciate it if you didn't spread that one around either."
Jack grinned and said, "Yeah. Sure. Now are we going to set this fucking bomb or what?"
Shepard stepped aside and waved her arm out at the door. Jack led them through the door and down a set of stairs only to stop when she saw the dead varren lying on the next landing.
"Someone's here, Shepard. It's got to be Cerberus, who else would come to this hellhole? They knew we were coming," Jack said.
"I'm finding no indication of Cerberus activity in this area, Ms. Jack," EDI said.
"It's probably just scavengers looking for salvage," Garrus said.
"Yeah. Maybe," Jack said. "Can you stop with that 'Ms.' crap, EDI?"
"Absolutely, Jack," EDI said.
Shepard tightened the gap between herself and Jack as they moved down the next flight of stairs and to the next door. When Jack opened the door, Shepard signaled for her and Garrus to move into the morgue under cover before going in. She moved first to the partition wall before going down the steps and ducking behind the crates in the middle of the floor. The Blood Pack's krogan and vorcha spotted her and started moving in on her position right away. Shepard provided covering fire until her team was in position and she could pick her targets. Jack and Garrus moved in to cover her flank, Jack throwing out a Shockwave as she went to knock the vorcha pyros back. Jack took care of the vorcha, using a Pull to lift them into the air and shooting out their tanks to watch them explode. Garrus and Shepard focused on the krogan before helping Jack with the horde of vorcha.
"Shit. I didn't know this room was a morgue. I just wanted out. Damn, I fucking hate this place," Jack said.
They moved on, stopping to fight more vorcha and varren along the way. Jack recounted memories as they moved from room to room. Her words weren't the same from Jane's memories but the sentiment was. Garrus' mandibles lay tight against his face as he peered into the small cells where the children were kept. He growled quietly when Jack came to the realization that the hours she spent banging on the glass and yelling at the other children were completely wasted efforts. The children hadn't been ignoring her; they couldn't see or hear her behind the two-way mirror. Jack stopped to activate a console before cutting it back off again with an angry push of the button.
"This doesn't make sense. None of this shit is how I remember it," Jack said.
"Jack, half of their experiments relied on keeping you isolated and in the dark to get you riled up. You couldn't have known what they were really up to," Garrus said.
"You know, Jack … accepting that these other kids went through their own hell doesn't diminish what you went through and survived," Shepard said. "And … regretting your part in things, even what you didn't know … and fighting through them to escape with your life … those are understandable feelings. It still doesn't make you responsible for what happened here."
"I don't regret shit, Shepard. Those kids attacked me. Everyone attacked me. I did what I had to, to get the hell out of here," Jack said.
"Yeah, I bet they did. They were taught to be terrified of you," Shepard said.
"Why can't you just leave it alone?" Jane asked.
"Why the fuck are you taking their side?" Jack asked.
"I'm being straight with you. They were innocent kids in all of this, too. You should be able to see that now, Jack. I'm not saying it wasn't fucked up; the entire thing was fucked up but be pissed at the adults who did this shit to all of you. It's alright to be angry for the kids instead of at them," Shepard said.
"Because maybe you never did enough," Shepard thought.
"Whatever, let's just get this over with," Jack said as she walked past the next console and through the door.
A krogan stood at the far end of the room surrounded by his lackeys. He tapped his earpiece when Shepard and her team walked in and talked to someone named Aresh on the other end about credits and salvage. He came to some sort of agreement and said he'd take Shepard and her team out.
"Huh, look at that. I was right. I should have gotten one of you to put money on it," Garrus said.
Shepard raised an eyebrow at him and he fluttered his mandibles.
"Is that … is he wearing armor with pink highlights?" Jack asked. "Now I really want to shoot him."
"I'm not stopping you," Shepard said.
Jack grinned and raised her pistol, firing off a shot at the krogan leader before diving for cover. Shepard kept her attention focused on the krogan leader, Kureck, while Garrus and Jack worked to keep the other krogans and vorcha pyros from closing in. Garrus saw that she was struggling to get through Kureck's barrier and shields to actually do damage and threw an Overload at Kureck when his barrier was down, taking out the shields and opening him up to Shepard's fire. Jack spotted a vorcha moving in on Shepard's flank and used a Pull to lift the vorcha in the air before filling it full of holes. Shepard grinned to herself knowing the biotic was watching her back.
When the room was clear, Shepard stood from cover and cracked her neck. Jack said the only room left was her cell. Shepard nodded and let Jack lead the way through the door and down the hall to her cell. Aresh hid next to Jack's old beat up bed but showed himself when Shepard called him out.
"My name is Aresh, and you're breaking into my home. I know you, Subject Zero," Aresh said as Jack pointed her pistol at him. "So many years have passed, and I thought I was the only survivor."
"Don't call me that. My name is Jack." She rubbed her hand over her scalp and shook her head. "You're one of them, aren't you? One of the other kids."
"Of course you don't recognize me. But I know your face, Jack. We all knew your face. We knew that everything that was happening to us was because of you. So their precious Subject Zero didn't die," Aresh said.
"I said my name is Jack!" She yelled and raised her gun a little higher. "I didn't know, OK? How was I supposed to fucking know? I didn't ask for any of this shit!"
"She's confused and doubting herself now. How was this good for her?" Jane asked.
"You knew, and you hated us. They told us that you laughed when they told you. And when they put you in the pit, you attacked us. I saw you, Jack, I saw you killing everyone you came across during the riot," Aresh said. "It was beautiful."
"They attacked me!" Jack said, her biotics flaring around her, dancing and licking at her skin. "What the fuck are you even doing here?"
"I'm looking for answers. I'm rebuilding the place so I can figure out what they learned. I'm going to make another one like you, Jack," Aresh said.
"Like hell you are!" Jack flung raw biotic energy at Aresh, knocking him to his knees.
"Jack," Shepard said.
She stood over Aresh, her pistol pointed at his back. "What, Shepard? You heard him. He's reopening the Teltin facility. He's going to do this shit to other kids!"
"He wasn't as strong as you, Jack. This place destroyed his mind; he's sick and needs help. He's never going to reopen this facility or any place like it," Shepard said.
Jack grabbed her head and rubbed her face in her palm. "What do I do, Shepard? What the fuck am I supposed to do?"
"Let him go, Jack, and hope that he's still sane enough to get out of here before we blow the facility up," Shepard said.
"We both know he's not going to make it. He isn't going to leave this place," Jane said.
"And we both know that's not the point," Shepard thought.
Jack looked up, her eyes moving between Shepard and Garrus. She grit her teeth and shook her head, looking back down at Aresh. Jack growled and shoved Aresh with her boot.
"Go, get the fuck out of here before I change my mind. And you better run fast, dumbass, because I'm not waiting to make sure you're gone before I blow this bitch up," Jack said.
Aresh pulled himself to his feet and scrambled out of the door. Jack put her pistol away and raked both hands over her scalp, pacing back and forth before stopping to look at Shepard.
"Damn it, Shepard." Jack shook her head. "Give me a few minutes to look around. I need – this place was my whole fucking childhood."
"Take your time, we're not going anywhere," Shepard said.
Shepard walked around the room with Jack, listening quietly as she talked about the different objects and what they meant to her. Shepard's heart was barely holding it together. She could feel the heartache and anger coming from Jane and the others, too. There was so much pain and suffering, so much loneliness and loss here for Jack. Coming back here, everything she learned and everything Shepard had said just ripped the old wounds wide open again. Shepard just hoped that she was able to reframe things in Jack's mind enough to help the biotic put at least some of the bad of this place behind her. Shepard knew it would never be truly gone, not all the way.
"How could it be?" Jane said.
When Jack was ready, they radioed the shuttle and the bomb was brought in. Up until this point, it had remained covered in the shuttle. Shepard hadn't even bothered to look at it until it was set in the middle of Jack's cell and the tarp pulled off. Her eyebrows shot up and she looked at Jack in confusion. Jack seemed just as surprised by what she saw. Someone had painted a picture on the bomb of biotic blue flames consuming a Cerberus logo. In the flames were shapes that Shepard eventually recognized as being representations of some of Jack's more prominent tattoos, the skeleton hand compass cross from her chest, the strange barcode from her head, and the skull from her shoulder. Shepard heard Garrus chuckle and turned to look at him.
"You did this?" Shepard asked.
"I had some time to kill while she was giving you your tattoo. Thought I might make it a little more memorable for Jack," he said.
Jack turned to look at Garrus and a slow grin crossed her lips. "It's perfect, fucking beautiful. Thanks."
Garrus lifted a shoulder and fluttered his mandibles. "Hey, I'm just glad you like it and aren't knocking shooting at me for getting something wrong."
Jack opened her omni-tool and took a picture of the bomb. She crouched down next to it and stroked her hand over the blue flames.
Shepard opened her omni-tool. "Smile for me, Jack."
Jack looked up at Shepard, her expression changing from confusion to a grin. "Shepard."
"Come on, just one pic. No one else ever has to see it if you don't want them to," Shepard said.
"Nah, fuck that. You'd better frame that shit and put it on your nightstand," Jack said.
"Deal." Shepard snapped a picture.
"She doesn't even know how beautiful she is." The masculine voice, one of the other Shepards that had been starting to make himself known spoke up.
"Who are you?" Shepard thought, but the voice was gone.
"What?" Jane asked.
"Nothing," Shepard thought.
Garrus squatted down next to Jack. "I'm arming it, so do me a favor and be careful with that detonator. I'm too pretty to die in this place."
Jack stood up and stepped back to stand next to Shepard as they watched Garrus arm the bomb. When he was done they made their way back out of the facility, keeping their eyes open for Aresh or any Blood Pack survivors. The place was deserted; Aresh had taken the warning to heart. Shepard really hoped that he found a way to come to terms with his past, too, and got some help.
Jack held the detonator tight in her fist as they piled back into the shuttle and took off. A few minutes out, Jack started to flip the lid of the detonator opened and closed just like she always had in Jane's memories. Shepard watched her closely, gauging how much further they could get before Jack grew impatient. When Jack left the lid open and let her thumb hover over the button, she looked up at Shepard with questioning eyes. Shepard knew it was time. She banged on the shuttle wall, urging the pilot on and smiled at Jack. Jack hit the button and a second later the shuttle was rocked by the waves. In the distance, a mushroom cloud billowed up. Jack pulled herself back into her seat and fixed her eyes on that cloud out in the distance until it couldn't be seen anymore. She was silent the rest of the ride back to the Normandy, and Shepard left her to her thoughts.
When the pressure in the Normandy had equalized, they opened the shuttle door. Jack hopped out and turned back to Garrus and Shepard.
"Liquor cabinet?" Jack asked.
"You bet," Garrus said.
Shepard winked at Jack and said, "Fuck yeah."
Jack grinned and headed for the elevator. "Cool."
Garrus slipped an arm over Shepard's shoulder as they followed Jack. Once the elevator stopped, Jack strolled out and right into Shepard's cabin heading straight for the liquor cabinet like she owned the place. Shepard shook her head and chuckled. Garrus helped Shepard out of her armor while Jack pulled out bottles of alcohol and brought them over to the coffee table. Shepard turned on some music and turned it up just loud enough to fill the room but still quiet enough that they wouldn't have to yell to hear one another.
An hour later and Jack had changed the music to something rowdier and was dancing in the middle of the floor.
"Come dance with me, Alliance," Jack said.
"Oh no. Trust me, Jack, no one wants to see that," Shepard said.
"Fuck that, come on." Jack said grabbing Shepard's hands and dragging her out into the room.
"Aright, alright. I warned you." Shepard began to move, swaying her hips gently and stepping her feet from side to side, her arms bent at the elbows moved in small circles.
Jack threw her head back in laughter. "OK, OK, stop. Here, just – come here."
Jack put her hands on Shepard's hips and pulled her closer to her. Shepard's eyebrows rose in shock but she laughed and let the biotic press her body against Shepard's, using her hands to guide Shepard's hips. Shepard could feel the heat rising through her body between the alcohol and Jack's incredibly intimate dance instructions. She glanced at Garrus, he was sitting on the couch with his feet up on the table and his arms stretched out to either side on the back of the couch. He watched her with fluttering mandibles and she could see him rolling the scents that were in the air around on his tongue.
Shepard looked away from him and focused her attention over Jack's shoulder. When the song stopped, she started to pull away but Jack grabbed her and pressed her lips to Shepard's. Shepard froze, wide eyed. She put her palms on Jack's shoulders and gently pushed her away.
"Whoa …" Jane said.
"Jack … what are you doing?" Shepard asked.
"Come on, Alliance. I know you want me. It's OK." Jack pulled Shepard close again and ran her hands up Shepard's sides before brushing a thumb across Shepard's breast. "I know how to make you feel good."
"No, Jack, wait." Shepard grabbed Jack's hands and held them. "Why are you doing this?"
Jack pulled her hands away. "Fuck Shepard, why do I need a reason? What you want Garrus in on it too? I can handle that."
"You need a reason because you've made it clear you weren't interested, Jack. I feel like … I feel like you're trying to say thank your or something and you think that this is the way to do that," Shepard said.
"So what if it is? I thought it would make you happy. I don't get you, Alliance. You want me so what's the problem?" Tears were starting to well up in Jack's eyes.
"Oh, Jack," Jane said.
Garrus dropped his feet from the table and leaned forward. His mandibles moving slowly opened and closed as he assessed the situation.
"Jack, I would never want you to do this if it wasn't something that you wanted for yourself. So unless you can honestly tell me that you're turned on and you want me, too … this isn't what I want," Shepard said.
"Look, just never mind. Forget I said anything," Jack said as the first tears threatened to spill down her cheeks.
"Come here," Shepard said, moving to the bed.
"What?" Jack hesitated.
"Just come here and lay down," Shepard said.
Jack stared at Shepard in disbelief for a minute. Shepard didn't think she was going to do it, but something shifted in her eyes and she crawled onto the bed. Shepard had a feeling that the alcohol in Jack's system was weakening her desire to push people away. She hoped she didn't regret it tomorrow, but knew she'd regret having sex with Shepard even more. Jack lay on her back with her fingers laced over her stomach. Shepard sat down on the bed next to Jack, pausing to see if she would run away. When she didn't, Shepard lay down next to her and scooted closer until her chest was just barely touching Jack's side. She wrapped her arm gently over Jack's stomach and tucked her hand in under Jack's side. She was afraid that if she wrapped her arm over Jack's arms, that it might feel too much like being restrained.
Jack tensed up the moment Shepard touched her but she didn't pull away and she didn't tell Shepard to stop. Shepard held her loosely, doing her best to not make Jack feel for a second that she wasn't in control.
"Let yourself know for once in your life, Jack, what it feels like to be held in the arms of someone who actually cares about you without it having to mean anything else," Shepard said.
"This is weird, Shepard," Jack said.
"Just a little …" Jane said.
"You can get up whenever you want, Jack," Shepard said.
Jack didn't move. After a couple of minutes, Shepard felt the biotic's body begin to relax. A minute later, Shepard felt Jack's body shudder in a silent sob as Jack rolled to her side, putting her back to Shepard. Shepard took a gamble and began to slowly use her thumb to caress the bare skin beneath her hand. Garrus moved into Shepard's view on the other side of the bed from Jack. He looked at them both with worry and confusion in his eyes. Shepard smiled reassuringly at him. He lifted a hand towards the clasps on his armor and hesitated, looking at Shepard for guidance. Shepard nodded her head. Garrus began to undo his armor, sliding the breastplate away. Jack stirred, her body starting to tense again.
"She's crying?" Jane asked.
"Yeah, I think so," Shepard thought.
"I hope you know what you're doing," Jane said.
"He's just taking his armor off, Jack. That's it, his clothes are staying on. It's his way of showing you that he trusts you. He's making himself vulnerable for you." Shepard paused to let that sink in while Garrus continued to remove his armor. "Is it alright if he lies down with us?"
After a few seconds, Jack nodded her voice was hoarse when she whispered, "Yeah."
Garrus sat down on the other side of the bed without saying a word. He adjusted the pillows and lay back against them. Shepard watched over Jack's shoulder as Garrus draped one arm over Jack's head and held his hand out inviting her to come closer. Jack inched her way closer to Garrus. It took her a minute to find a comfortable position to get settled in against his plated chest. Shepard scooted closer to keep contact with Jack and Garrus brought his hand down to cup the top of Shepard's head.
Jack stretched her arm out and let it flop down over Garrus' chest. "This is so fucking weird. You guys are like … some fucking backwards, gun loving, hippies or some shit."
Shepard laughed and Garrus began to hum contentedly. They lay there in silence for a few minutes before Jack spoke again.
"You know … I think Cerberus murdered my parents," Jack said. "I can't even really remember their faces anymore."
Shepard didn't say anything; she didn't know what to say and didn't want to offer Jack some simple platitude. Instead, she resumed her gentle caressing.
"Do you remember their names?" Garrus turned his head to look down at her. "I still have contacts at C-Sec … hmmm, I might be able to find something on them for you."
Jack shook her head. "We were on Eden Prime, I know that. And I know I was born in twenty-one-sixty-one."
"I didn't know she was from Eden Prime," Jane said.
"I can talk to Anderson, if you want," Shepard said.
Jack shrugged. "Doesn't really matter anymore. What about you? What's the story with your parents?"
Shepard's hand stopped moving against Jack's skin. Jack tilted her head in Shepard's direction but Shepard didn't think she could see her. Shepard cleared her throat and started caressing Jack absently again.
She cleared her throat softly. "They were killed when I was sixteen. I'm from Mindoir and it's one of the places that was hit hard by batarian slavers. They fought like hell to keep them from me. Died saving me."
"Shit, Shepard. I shouldn't have asked," Jack said.
"It's alright. It might sound harsh, but they're better off dead than living as slaves," Shepard said. "Do you remember when we went to Gellix?"
"Yeah, sure. I came up here afterwards," Jack said.
"We went there because I had gotten a message from a woman named Talitha and tracked her to that location. She was the one I was trying to get out of there. I met Talitha back on the Citadel a few years ago. She was from Mindoir, and had been taken by the slavers. Years," Shepard said. "She was with them for so many years. She escaped but was so broken, so lost, that she couldn't grasp that she was really free."
Shepard's hand stopped moving again as she thought about Talitha. "She had a gun and they called me in to talk her down … the horrors she lived though. Anyway, come to find out Cerberus got their hands on her. They were using her damaged psyche as a way to study indoctrination. They had her all wired up with shit. She was getting visions of the reapers … I tried to save her, to get her the fuck out of there but they flipped some kind of kill switch and something they had in her just fried her brain. We were so close to being out of there and she died right next to me. Wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it."
"At least you tried," Jane said.
"Fuck," Jack said.
"Yeah," Shepard whispered.
"Hmmm. Aren't you two just the life of the party," Garrus said.
Shepard snorted. "Tell us a story, Garrus. Cheer us up."
"A story?" Garrus asked.
"Yeah," Jack said.
Garrus told them stories about some of the cases he worked in C-Sec and some of the real idiots he'd arrested. Shepard fell asleep to the sound of his voice with her arm wrapped around Jack. Her dreams were filled of memories of time spent with Jack as a man's voice whispered to her.
"Thank you. Thank you for taking care of Jack. She needs this. She needs you," he said.
Shepard woke the next morning to EDI's voice. Garrus was still asleep beside her but Jack was gone. Shepard sat up in the bed and looked around the room, but didn't see Jack anywhere.
"What was that, EDI?" Shepard asked.
"I said Mr. Krios would like to know when you will be joining him in the hangar," EDI repeated.
"Shit. Crap, I forgot about that. This is going to suck so bad." Shepard climbed out of bed, the movement waking Garrus.
"Hey, where you going?" Garrus asked, his voice thick with sleep.
"Thane's waiting for me in the hangar," Shepard said stripping off her clothes.
"Where's Jack?" Garrus asked.
"EDI, tell Thane I'll be down in fifteen minutes," Shepard said. "I don't know, she was gone when I woke up. I'm guessing she's back downstairs. I've got to hop in the shower and get down there."
Shepard rushed to the shower and was back out five minutes later running a brush through her hair. She got dressed and kissed Garrus on the mandible before rushing out the door. She took the elevator down to the third deck and had Gardner pour her some coffee in a thermos. He handed it to her along with a muffin, Shepard shoved the top of it in her mouth and grabbed the thermos, waving goodbye with her other hand. She went straight back to the elevator and pushed the call button, eating the muffin as she waited. When the door opened, Garrus was inside. She stepped out of the way to let him pass but he crossed his arms and flared his mandibles.
"Oh no, I'm going with you to watch this," Garrus said.
Shepard groaned and stepped into the elevator with him, pushing the button to take them down to the hangar. When she stepped out of the elevator again, Thane was waiting patiently with his hands behind his back. Shepard shoved the last of the muffin into her mouth and washed it down with the terrible coffee.
"Sorry, I had a late night," Shepard said.
Thane smiled indulgently at Shepard before turning his attention to the turian standing behind her. "Garrus. Will you be joining us?"
"I'm just here for the show," Garrus said.
"I swear to gods, Garrus, I hear anything that even sounds like a laugh out of you I'm dragging you out on that mat myself," Shepard said.
"If he doesn't just tear into Thane for touching you," Jane said.
"He's not going to do that, they're fine now," Shepard thought.
"Yes, ma'am," Garrus said with a mock salute.
"Asshole." Shepard handed him the thermos. "Hold my coffee."
He clacked his mandibles against his jaw, took her thermos, and smacked her on the ass. "Good luck."
Shepard snorted and followed Thane out to the mat. Garrus followed behind them and leaned against some crates off to the side. Thane started out by taking her through a series of stretches to loosen her up. Though not painful, the positions felt foreign and unwelcome by her body, but she did her best to mimic his movements.
When they were finished, Thane stood in the middle of the mat and told Shepard to attack. Shepard fell into an offensive stance and eyed the drell standing as passively as if they were having a simple conversation. She knew better than to be fooled into thinking he wasn't ready for her. Shepard circled around him, trying to get him on the move but he stayed rooted to that spot. She knew he'd anticipate an attack from behind as easily as if she made her move from the front.
"This is so not fair," Shepard grumbled.
"I could take him, if you let me out," Jane said.
"Not happening," Shepard thought.
Thane's lips twitched in amusement. Shepard moved forward and took a low swing, aiming for his solar plexus. Thane's hand darted out to knock away her punch. He reversed his hand, wrapping it around Shepard's wrist and started to spin her. Shepard ducked down under her own arm letting it cross in front of her and kicked out at Thane's shins. He stepped to the side and hooked his ankle behind the one leg she still had on the ground, pulling it out from under her. Shepard landed on her back, rolled, and pulled herself up into a low crouch still within striking distance. Thane put his hands behind his back and watched her, waiting for her next move.
Shepard darted forward and made to feint, staying low as if going for his legs and then shifting at the last minute with an uppercut. He stepped to the side and pivoted, rolling his body around hers and planting his heel in the back of her knee, using her own momentum against her. She fell forward and tucked her head down planting her palms on the mat and rolled with the motion before pushing herself back to her feet. She spun to face him, her hands up but he was standing a few feet away with his hands behind his back. Shepard growled.
"You mustn't allow your emotions to become involved, Shepard," Thane said.
Garrus chuffed and Shepard glanced at him. He kept his eyes forward and his mandibles still. She turned her attention back to Thane.
"I don't see the point in this, other than to knock my ego down a few dozen pegs and now we've got a damn audience," Shepard said.
"I'll go," Garrus said.
"I believe it is better for her if you stay. Your presence seems to … inspire her to try harder," Thane said.
"Hmmm. Shepard?" Garrus asked.
"You're fine. Besides, I want a witness when I do knock him on his ass," Shepard said.
"You sure you don't want some help? I could just show you once and then be done," Jane said.
"No, Jane. Look, I get you're playing nice right now but I can't take that risk," Shepard thought.
Thane smiled and Shepard rushed in, closing the distance between them and opened up with a jab at his face. He moved his head to the side and she swung with the other hand. He dodged that just as easily. She pressed forward with a flurry of jabs and wider swings, pushing him back and trying to unbalance him. She dropped to the ground in an attempt to sweep but he jumped over her leg.
After the first half hour, Shepard was running out of energy. She was drenched in sweat and could feel her chest heaving. She called for a break and Thane indulged her. She stepped off the mat to stand in front of Garrus. He smiled at her and handed her the towel from the crate. She wiped her face and took her thermos, taking a long drink of the relatively semi-hot coffee.
"You're telegraphing your moves to him," Garrus said barely above a whisper.
Shepard looked up from her thermos and raised her eyebrows. Garrus fluttered his mandibles.
"How so?" Shepard asked just as quietly.
"I'm not sure, but I can tell he knows what you're about to do before you do it," Garrus said. "I'll keep watching."
Shepard grinned and put her thermos down before stretching up to kiss Garrus. "I'll just have to fight dirty, then."
"That's my girl," Garrus said.
Shepard returned to the mat and rolled her neck and shoulders before bringing her hands up again. She didn't waste any time moving in on Thane. She opened with the same move she started with and he responded much the same way, by blocking her shot and reversing his hand to grab her wrist. This time, when he spun her she let him. A heartbeat later, Shepard's back was pressed to his chest and his hands cradled her head and neck. Shepard stilled in his arms and winked at Garrus.
She arched her back, just barely pushing her ass into Thane's crotch and whispered, "I want you inside of me so bad."
There was a hitch in Thane's breathing and his hands started to slip away. Shepard grabbed his arm and pushed her hip into him, pulling him over her body in a hip throw. Thane landed flat on the mat. Garrus erupted in laughter. Thane stayed down his eyes staring at the ceiling in shock. Shepard cocked her hip and crossed her arms.
"You mustn't allow yourself to become distracted," Shepard said throwing his words from the day before back at him.
Thane cleared his throat and did a kip up. "Very good, Siha. Now, defend."
That was all the warning Shepard had before Thane was on her, flowing around her like water as his hands and arms met her flesh moving from point of contact to point of contact. Shepard got her arms up in front of her face to ward off the blows, bending to shield the attacks that he aimed lower. She was able to block some of them but far too many of them landed for her liking. She found herself immensely grateful that they were only sparring and he wasn't using his full strength.
"I can take him. Just let me do this," Jane insisted.
"No. I've got this," Shepard thought.
"He's beating the crap out of you!" Jane said.
"We're training, I'm learning. That's how it goes," Shepard thought.
"You're just – you're not even watching! You have to watch his movements to learn his patterns," Jane said.
"You're distracting me, Jane. Shut up," Shepard thought.
"Gods, did you sleep through basic and N7?" Jane said.
"Shepard, your brainwave activity is beginning to behave erratically," EDI's voice echoed through the hangar.
Shepard's feet went off the mat and Thane abruptly stopped. Shepard frowned and patted her pockets until she located one of the vials. She held it up to her face, about to break the little plastic tab off when Thane put his hand over hers.
"Look at me, Siha." Thane's voice was soft but commanding.
Shepard looked at him, holding his gaze. She could feel the fogginess setting into her mind.
"Take a slow breath," Thane said.
Shepard complied.
"Again," he said.
Shepard saw Garrus move from the corner of her eyes and turned her attention to him. Thane held a hand out towards Garrus. Shepard heard the low growl but he stopped.
"Focus on me, Shepard," Thane said. "Breathe."
Shepard locked her eyes on Thane's and took steady, deep breaths. The fogginess was starting to fade and that only made Jane more agitated.
"This thing that you are feeling, acknowledge it and let it go. It is unimportant. It does not control you," Thane said. "Do not allow yourself to be swayed."
Shepard dipped her head and focused on her breathing. Taking long, deep breaths and letting them out just as slowly. She let herself feel Jane's agitation, acknowledging it instead of trying to push it away and then tried to let it go. It took her a few moments and more breathing to grasp how to let it go, but she did manage. Jane retreated to the recesses of Shepard's mind.
"Brainwave activity has stabilized," EDI said. "Would you like for me to send a report to Dr. Chakwas?"
"Yes, EDI, thank you," Shepard said. "Tell her I'll come see her when I'm done here."
Thane dipped his head to Shepard. She let her breathing normalize and tucked the vial away again. When she looked up she saw him retreating to the center of the mat. She dropped her arms and rolled her neck before following him. She stopped a few feet away and fell into a defensive stance. Thane advanced again and Shepard started circling, making him follow her around the mat. When he closed the distance this time he was moving slower. She blocked his first two strikes and dodged the third before countering with a swing of her own. He deflected, but didn't block it completely and her fist skimmed his shoulder. Thane smiled and pressed harder, picking up his speed.
They danced around the mat trading blows for another twenty minutes. Shepard blocked when she could and countered when she saw an opening. Few of her blows landed but it was enough to help her regain some of her confidence. She shifted stances and pressed him with attacks, forcing him to defend. It didn't last long however. Thane maneuvered around her hooked an ankle around hers, jerking her off of her feet. Shepard slapped her palms to his chest and grabbed his jacket on the way down. Thane tried to maintain his balance but he was going down with her one way or the other. Shepard planted a boot in his abdomen and let her knee bend as it took his weight. As her back hit the mat she pushed with her leg and guided him with her hands, flipping Thane over her to land on the mat a couple of feet away.
Shepard lay there with her chest heaving. "Huh. Wasn't as hard as I thought."
"Indeed, you are well trained. It has been many years since I have found myself down here … It is humbling. I believe you have found your focus," Thane said.
"Yeah, well, you're still kicking my ass," Shepard said.
Thane stood and moved to look down at Shepard. He studied her as she lay there regaining her breath. She couldn't see beyond the darkened lenses to see what was going on in his eyes. After a moment he extended a hand to her, pulling Shepard to her feet when she accepted. His hand lingered in hers a little longer than necessary before he slid it free and tucked it behind his back with the other.
Thane dipped his head. "We will begin again first thing tomorrow."
Garrus drew their attention to him as he began to clap. Shepard chuckled and shook her head. She walked over to the crate and grabbed the towel, draping it over her shoulder before grabbing her thermos. She pressed her lips to Garrus' before patting his armored chest. Shepard started towards the elevator, turning to walk backwards she looked at Thane and Garrus who stood a few feet apart watching her leave.
"I've got to go see the doc and then I need another shower. I'll see you two later." Shepard turned back around. "EDI, set course for the Alpha Draconis System in the Rosetta Nebula and inform Jacob that we're going to Aeia."
"Right away, Shepard," EDI said.
Shepard weaved around some crates and stopped when she heard Garrus voice echoing off of the hangar walls.
"You know she wants you to follow her, right? I can see why she likes you. Hell, I almost want to take you to bed and trust me; I'm not interested in men. You should go after her; I can tell she got to you with that. I could smell it on you," Garrus said.
"I … I'm afraid a shower is not a hospitable environment for me, but I am sure she would be delighted if you joined her," Thane said.
"Hmm. Your loss," Garrus said.
Shepard thought the chuckle that followed sounded forced. She started moving again, as quietly as she could, hoping that they wouldn't know she stopped to listen. She reached the elevator and hit the call button. When it opened she stepped inside and hit the button for the third deck. She could hear Garrus approaching when the doors finally slid closed.
Shepard stepped out of the elevator and went straight to the med bay. She paused in the door when she saw not only Dr. Chakwas waiting for her, but Mordin and Miranda as well.
"Well this isn't scary," Shepard said.
Dr. Chakwas rolled her eyes and waved Shepard over.
"You should have come right away, the scans may not be as useful now," Dr. Chakwas said.
"I'm fine, though. Thane really helped, I didn't even need to use the smelling salts," Shepard said.
"Need blood sample," Mordin said coming at her with a needle.
"I'll need to scan your cybernetics," Miranda said opening her omni-tool.
"And I'll need to scan your brain to compare it with EDI's report," Dr. Chakwas said also opening her omni-tool.
Shepard groaned as the three of them advanced on her. They scanned, poked, and prodded her for a few minutes before dismissing her. Shepard headed back to the elevator and took it up to her cabin. A few minutes later Shepard was rinsing shampoo from her hair when Garrus stepped into the shower behind her. She smiled as his hands slid around her stomach and pulled her back against his chest. He nipped at her shoulder and neck before whispering in her ear.
"I like the way you fight dirty," he said.
Shepard laughed. "Do you now?"
"Mhmm. I wish you could have seen the look on his face," Garrus said.
"I wish I had thought to ask you to record it. I'd play it every night just to gloat. It'd be a real hit at parties," Shepard said.
Garrus chuffed and resumed nipping at her flesh. Shepard moaned and leaned into him. He slid his hands up her slick skin until they found her breasts. A gasp escaped her lips when he pinched her nipples, a soft growl of pleasure rumbled through his chest. Shepard turned around and draped her arms over his shoulders, pressing her mouth to his and running her tongue over the edges of his plating. Garrus opened his mouth to her and their tongues met. He pushed her back gently against the shower wall and slid his hands down her sides to cup her ass and lift her legs around his waist. He held her there while he pulled back enough to position himself before sliding inside of her.
When they were finished, Shepard's muscles were trembling from exertion. Garrus gently lowered her until her feet were on the shower floor once more before pressing his mouth to hers again. She leaned forward and rested her head against the bare plating on his chest while he lathered up a washcloth and ran it over her back.
"What you did last night for Jack …" Garrus said.
"Mhmm?" Shepard said.
"It was good of you, Dawn. It was the right thing to do." Garrus hesitated, a strained sound escaping him. "I'm not sure I would have done the same if it had been me."
Shepard pulled lifted her head to look into his eyes and he stopped washing her. She put a hand on his face, tracing his mandible with her thumb.
"Garrus, if it weren't for everything that I know … if it weren't for Jane, I'm not sure I would have handled it the same," Shepard said.
"You don't think so?" he asked.
She shook her head. "Jack is incredibly attractive and her confidence only adds to that. I don't think I would have second guessed it if she had come on to me not knowing what I know."
Garrus rested his forehead against hers. "So you don't think I'm an asshole because a part of me regrets that it didn't go differently?"
"Not if you don't think I'm an asshole for having the same thought," Shepard said with a snort.
His mandibles fluttered as he pulled away. He resumed his washing, moving to Shepard's front.
"I wonder when she left. You think we should check on her, make sure she's OK?" Garrus asked.
"No, not yet. Give her some space today. If we don't see her by tonight, I'll go down there," Shepard said.
"Hmm. Hey, Shepard?" Garrus said.
"Yeah?" she asked.
"I love you," he said.
"I love you, too, and I always will," Shepard said.