"Aw… I lost."

Mali looked down at the Go board sitting between her and Hisa. Despite her best efforts, she fell just short of her senpai's grandmother.

"Really?" Hisa chuckled. "Honestly though, I would have liked to see Shujinkou's clever Kōhai play for real instead of humoring me."

"Oh, I wasn't humoring you."

"So, you were just testing me?"

"Was I?"

Hisa nonchalantly scratched her right cheek, surprising Mali. Having attributed to a nervous quirk tick Shujinkou had, it was almost jarring to see a relative to do it so casually.

"Huh, Shujinkou wasn't exaggerating; talking to you is like navigating a labyrinth," Hisa confirmed.

"Senpai said that about me?"

"It was my personal interpretation."

"Huh…" Mali smiled her usual innocent smile. "Fuyu may be right about her initial observation after all."

She then pointed her innocuous gaze towards Rei.

"Don't you think, Rei?"

As expected, Rei didn't say a word. She stared at Mali with a blank expression until a voice was heard from above.

"Hey, Mom…"

All eyes were on Hiro as walked downstairs. She opened her mouth, but the rest of her sentence was immediately stifled by the sound of the doorbell.

Hiro soon approached the front door and opened it. It was a surprise, to say the least, who she found on the other side.

"Akira? What are you doing here?" she asked.

Indeed, standing in front of her with a bushel of roses was the man she was dating.

"I wanted to see how you were holding up and if there's been any change in Shujinkou," he answered. "This isn't a bad time, is it?"

"No, no. Come in."

As soon as Akira stepped into the house, he was immediately confronted by Hisa. Seeing her mother eye Akira with suspicion was something that made Hiro feel both embarrassed and guilty.

After finishing her initial check, Hisa stepped closer to Akira and slowly took the roses away from him.

"So, you're the infamous Akira…" she said.

"Infamous?" he repeated, stifling a gulp.

"Protective mother phrasing."

"Ah."

"Let's see if you can change that a little."

Hisa wrapped her arm around him and led him to the kitchen.

Sorry, Akira…

Hiro considered following them but was stopped by sound of someone knocking on the door frame. Looking out the open entrance, she immediately met eyes with Kiyoko.

"Hey, Hiro," Kiyoko greeted with a wave. "Mind if me and a few friends come in?"

"Sure."

Following Kiyoko inside was Fuyu. "Evening, Ms. Hiro,".

"Evening, Fuyu."

"Ditto for me," Claudette added, following behind third. "Also the same for the person behind me."

Hiro wondered who else could be visiting until the answer walked up to her.

"Hey, Ms. Hiro…" Monika said with a timid smile.

When she finally agreed to come here, one of the major things that worried Monika was having to confront Hiro.

Wouldn't a mother expect a friend to visit her child when they were hurt, especially when they were hurt protecting said friend.

Even if she didn't show it, Hiro had to at least have some mixed feelings about Monika showing up out of the blue.

That's what she thought, but the tranquil look on Hiro's face said otherwise. With absolutely no hint of hostility, Hiro readily welcomed Monika into her home.

It was both surprising and expected at the same time.

"Um…"

Even if getting inside was easier than she thought, there was still the issue with explaining what she wanted. It wasn't even what Hiro might say.

The real struggle was that she couldn't muster up the strength to say it.

She tried to force it, but no matter how much she tried she couldn't.

Maybe I can't do this…

She looked up at Hiro. No words were said between even as Hiro turned and motioned her to follow her.

Though she was still anxious about everything, Monika silently nodded and followed Hiro up the stairs.

Each step she took caused her anxiety to grow and grow. It was as if an invisible wall pressed against her, doing everything in its power keep her away.

But she knew it was nothing but her own fears trying to stop her. That was especially clear the moment finally entered Shujinkou's room.

The instance she laid eyes on Shujinkou, she felt the wall that suppressed her emotions crack a little. The fact that she maintained any semblance of composure was staggering to her.

Shujinkou…

Closing her eyes, Monika could hear a faint whistle in the distance.

"I have to go check on something," she heard Hiro say. "Stay as long as you want."

She heard footsteps gradually move away until finally becoming inaudible. Finally, Monika was left alone with Shujinkou.

"I think it's said that speaking to someone when they're in a coma helps speed up the recovery process. But I shouldn't say that like that was the reason I came…"

Monika looked around Shujinkou's room, recalling all the times she came over for a visit. They were usually happy memories, but now…

"…I don't really know what to say. I tried so hard to avoid coming here and yet I had the nerve to try and imagine what I'd say when I came here. 'When', because despite everything saying otherwise, my first instinct was to be here."

Her eyes wavered for a moment before they were drawn to Shujinkou.

"I imagined wondering what specifically led you to becoming as bloodthirsty as you were that night, but when I look at your face now, it's like you never acted that way nor do you have it in you to be that way anymore.

I also wanted to know if you would have stayed in the club after that night if you didn't end up like this. Yeah… Once again, I'm the only member. Once again, the Literature Club is comprised of just one member: Monika. Just Monika…"

Monika sighed. Saying that aloud was hard enough, but how she articulated it made it even more painful.

"It's funny; here you are in a coma and here I am thinking about what I want, how I feel. Pretty selfish on its own but it's even worse for that to be the first thing out of my mouth when it's taken me this long just to see how you were doing. And to make it even worse I had to be convinced that this would help me move on, not that it's the right thing.

With that reasoning, I would be here just to say goodbye to you, unable to have the courage to say bye to your face."

Monika chuckled.

"If you were awake right now, you'd probably say how you understand and that it's no big deal. But it is a big deal; I spent a every second since then lamenting being alone while neglecting the person who's the reason we're alive in the first place."

Her eyes wavering again, Monika shook her head in disbelief.

"I'm sorry… I'm insulting you by giving you all the thoughts I've been feeding myself since then. Even if you're not conscious, you deserve the truth. I'm not even completely sure that I knew the truth, but the moment I saw you like this, it was clear as day.

It's not that I didn't want to visit. I really wanted too; it was just… I… I don't think I could've visited you until now. I know it sounds like an excuse but seeing you like this is even more painful than I thought it would be. And it isn't because you're like this at all."

A broken smile flashed on Monika's face as she sat near his bed.

"You know, what you told me at the hospital, I've actually heard it before. I overheard you talking to Rei. It got me worried, but I didn't realize how bad it was for you until you told me yourself. You were scared that you would become something you're not and that you would scare everyone away… And I promised you that wouldn't be the case."

Monika solemnly rubbed her forehead, reminiscing how she felt when she made that promise.

"Well, at least I'm not a total liar; being afraid of you was never the reason I stayed away. But does that really make it better?

Even after doing everything you could do to protect us, I still stayed away for ultimately selfish reasons. I just couldn't handle everything that happened.

I couldn't console and keep everyone together so for the last couple of days I retreated into myself."

Saying that caused another brief, sad laugh to slip through Monika's lips.

"Add another cruel ironic twist that spits in the face of what you told me, I ended up retreating into my head. I didn't really understand your whole daydreaming habit before, but now I do, at least a little more than before, and now I know why you didn't want to go back to that. And yet, despite knowing that and knowing how that made you feel, I still indulged in it because… I'm… I'm just not you."

Monika clutched her chest, her nails tightly digging into her clothing.

"All those times you believed that you weren't good with people, that you don't really contribute to anything and yet you always proved yourself the complete opposite. Sure, you feel anxious around new people but at the end of the day, you have a knack for connecting with others. And what makes it so special is that half the time, you aren't even trying to.

You just have something that makes people around you know that you're someone who wouldn't judge and that you're trustworthy. It was something all of us needed at one point or another, someone who would unconditionally be by your side, someone you can completely be yourself with and ultimately bring help bring out the best in you. That was why I called you the Heart of the club, because despite never intending to, not only did you give us someone like that to connect to, but you also allowed us to connect with each other.

Because you were yourself, you allowed us to realize that there really was someone who we can be completely open with and that we can be open with others… All without trying."

Monika's hand trembled as she clutched her chest tighter.

"That's why Fuyu trusted you enough to leave Rei to you and that's why out of everyone, she spoke to you. That's why Kiyoko went out of her way to visit you every day. And that's why you were believed to be the only one who could possibly defuse Mali's tour of pranks without any serious repercussions.

All that because at the end of the day, you have something special. No, it's because you yourself are special."

Before she knew it, the grip Monika had on herself was slightly loosened. Letting go completely, her hand slumped back to her side.

"But me… I'm nowhere near anything like that. Compare how when you were despairing, you still took the time to see how me, who was pretty much a stranger was doing to me taking forever to see someone I… Someone I thought I really cared for even though my actions say otherwise. And that's just more proof."

Monika looked back up at Shujinkou.

"Don't get me wrong, I don't hate you for being you," she desperately assured him. "Far from it, because truthfully, that part of you I just mentioned is one of the things I really like and respect about you.

But I just wish that…"

Monika sighed in defeat, her gaze wavering ever so slightly again. Taking a moment to regather her thoughts, she forced her lachrymose gaze back to her comatose friend.

"I just wish that… I wish that I could be like that too.

I've always struggled to find things that could alleviate the fears and worries the others have and would always be amazed how you would effortlessly do so every time. You just always seemed to know what to say or do and even when you don't, just listening, just knowing you were earnestly trying was helpful in and of itself.

You constantly get out of your comfort zone to help others, but something like that should have been expected. After all, isn't that why you joined the club in the first place?

And here's me, the Club President unable to do that for anyone. I bet if our positions were reversed, you would've been able to keep everyone together or at least bring them together again.

I know this has to sound like I'm just bitter that the Club President can't do what you do, but it's not that. I'm frustrated with myself that I can't do what you do for the sake of my friends. No matter what, every time there's something, I have to solely rely on you for all our issues, my own being especially egregious."

It was at that moment that Monika felt something hot splash on her skin. More of that snesastion followed, but she didn't care.

"And that's why what Mali said to me hurt so much, because she's absolutely right. Even when you were struggling to control yourself, I had to rely on you. All of that, and I couldn't pay you at least one visit because of how I felt.

You always wondered what you brought to the table, but really, what did I ever bring? Coming up with an idea that couldn't be realized until Sayori suggested me do the obvious.

I don't want to sound like I hate relying on my friends. I love having friends to rely on but… I want to be someone they can rely on too. I want to be someone you could rely on, instead of the other way around, so you don't have to carry all this burden on your own.

But every time I've tried, it was ultimately pointless. Because I couldn't do anything, everyone got hurt. And now all I can do is sulk when I really have no right to because I know deep down: everyone else is worse off than me.

All I can do is bother you while you're suffering the one thing you tearfully admitted you didn't want to happen to you. And worse, you probably fell into your coma thinking you did scare us. Like I said, fear wasn't it. I think we were all scared for you. I'm sure we all felt the way Sayori did, and I think that's why I knew nothing could happen to her. She was really the only one who could have stopped you then.

I hope that at least eases your concerns a little."

Wiping the tears away from her red eyes, Monika could feel more about to come.

Shujinkou… I'm really sorry for everything.

You know, I have this weird feeling that I told you my true feelings once. I feel like I confidently told you, "I love you." I'm glad I never really did because I don't deserve to tell you that. I don't deserve anything I had or still had because I did nothing to earn or protect it.

I just… I just coasted by on everyone else, so it's no surprise that I ended up at this point. I'm just sorry you and everyone else had to suffer."

Coming here, Monika was somewhat convinced that this visit would be good for her. Instead, she felt worse than ever. Instead of being roused from her despair, she sunk further in its depths and not even the sweet scent that wafted in the air could distract her.

That was until she realized how close the source of the smell was.

Monika slowly turned around. For once, she was grateful her despair numbed her feelings otherwise she may have not stood the discovery that Hiro was standing in the doorway.

She was holding a tray with the faint presence of steam coming from the cup atop it.

"How long have you been there?" Monika asked.

"…Long enough."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop," Hiro apologized. "I just wanted to know if you wanted some hot chocolate."

"It's fine," Monika accepted. "I've eavesdropped myself and I'm not exactly in a private place so, if anything, it's my fault."

Without saying whether she agreed or not, Hiro walked in and say next to her guest. She passed her the cup of hot chocolate, which Monika accepted despite her own reservations.

"I really didn't mean to eavesdrop. When I first arrived, I was immediately going to leave until I realized something," Hiro admitted.

"Realized what?" Monika asked.

"What you said… it feels I myself was saying it."

"R-Really?"

"The way you feel now, I'm very familiar with it."

Hiro looked at her son. In the past, she always worried about letting a piece of their shared past slip while he was recovering. But looking at him now and how he acted lately, she had no doubt in her mind that he wouldn't mind now.

"Are you familiar with someone named Hiroko?" Hiro quizzed.

Just hearing that name was nerve-wrecking. She could still remember how stunned she was to learn that Shujinkou had a sister.

Deprived of all her words, Monika could only nod her head.

"Hiroko and Shujinkou… They were really close despite their differences. Hiro was like her grandfather, ready to see what the world has for her while interested in testing her limits while Shujinkou… well you know him well enough.

Shujinkou always thought she was the better sibling because of extroverted nature and how she could master new things easily, but what he didn't know then was that she felt the same way. He was always good with people's feelings and was a talented artist. She even commented on the fact that despite Shujinkou being considered the introverted one, he was the one who found a best friend for life when we first moved here.

She never told him that directly, but she did give some passing variations of it over the years. But Shujinkou's self-esteem was too low for him to really accept that because of his relationship with his father."

Jomei was someone who made Monika feel powerless just in the few minutes they talked. She could only imagine how Shujinkou fared as a child.

"Shujinkou always craved some kind of fatherly affection from Jomei but he would really only show passing interest in Hiroko," Hiro continued. "This convinced her to try and prove herself the best in anything she could do just so she could have the attention she craved too. What she never realized was that this had an effect on Shujinkou.

He soon grew to believe that Jomei only cared about Hiroko only. You would think that Shujinkou would begin to hate his sister, but he never did. Shujinkou didn't really have it in him to blame others, instead he blamed himself. It grew to the point where he began to think that he was just a waste of space and decided to run away."

"Shujinkou ran away from home?" Monika asked.

"Hiroko realized why he did so and went after him. And when she found him… she saved him from a passing car. But he didn't see it that way then."

Hiro looked back at Monika. Her eyes filled with naturally filled with sorrow, but there was something else there too; something surprising.

"Shujinkou blamed himself for Hiroko's passing and Jomei leaving. He was so traumatized by everything that he started to daydream much more frequently. At first, it seemed like his way of distracting himself form the pain, but it then became clear that he was actually using them to run away from it.

He believed he killed his sister, and he couldn't bear with that fact. Every second he wasn't in his own head was painful for him. Some days, he'd come home with cuts and bruises, particularly around his head. It was as if he was trying to force the past out of it."

Hearing that brought to mind the dream Monika had after she was captured. The pain and anguish Shuijinkou displayed there was making more and more sense now.

"He was like that for years and all I could do was watch him suffer," Hiro went on. "I tried everything I could think of, but nothing would work. It got to the point where I was beginning to feel grateful for the fact that he was daydreaming to escape the pain, because he could have tried to escape it by taking his own life. And what's scary was that I know that was a real possibility because he hated himself that much.

To me, a mother who lost her daughter and couldn't help her son was… To be frank, I felt like the worst mother ever. All I could do was be around whenever he wasn't in his head."

A small smile formed on Hiro's lips as she recounted what happened next.

"And then one day, during his second year of high school, Sayori came to visit. She had promised that she would help Shujinkou feel better. I didn't know what she would do, but I was grateful that despite not really seeing each other for so long, she still cared about Shujinkou that much to do something. Two days later, and something amazing happened: Shujinkou came home from his first meeting with something resembling a smile.

And from there on, Shujinkou would slowly become more and more like his old self. No, he was actually growing to become better than his old self. He was slowly appreciating himself and his positives more. And it was all because of a distant friend and a group of strangers who would eventually become his closest friends.

And I was happy, happy that Shujinkou was finally getting better, but at the same time, felt a little upset that I couldn't do anything myself."

Hiro's face lit up as her smile grew a little bigger.

"At least, I used to think that…"

She could tell by the expression on Monika's face that she was genuinely curious by the sudden change she sprung on her.

"After my talk with Jomei, I realized something my mother was trying to tell me for years; I did do something. Shujinkou was struggling and I was there for him. I couldn't just miraculously make him feel better, but I was there for him if he needed me to be. I cared enough to be there and take care of him when he was at his lowest point. He even told me so to my face, but I couldn't completely accept it until I saw Jomei again."

While Monika was happy for Hiro, she couldn't fathom what her words were building up to.

"You see, Monika, I think something we all want to do something when our loved ones are hurting is to be the one to save the day. We want to be the one that makes the big move that completely frees them from their hurt. But it doesn't work out like that. Sometimes we can't do that.

But that doesn't mean that we still can't be there.

In the grand scheme of Shujinkou's recovery, I probably contributed the least. 'I'm the mother; I have to care' probably hindered me in my efforts. But I've come to be proud of that little contribution because in the long run, it helped enable him to reach the point where he can feel better. And when you think about it, that 'small' thing was actually pretty big."

It was? That was what Monika wanted to ask, but she couldn't. Something in her utterly refused to question Hiro.

"You think you've never really did anything for Shujinkou, that you were never there for him, but you were," Hiro assured her. "You were one of the reasons Shujinkou was able to forgive himself and it wasn't because you were trying to do so, but because you were just yourself. Just being yourself allowed you to be there for Shujinkou more than you could ever realize and I'm sure it's the same for everyone else too."

She then looked at her son, a proud look floating on her face.

"You're right in what makes Shujinkou special, and I can believe that his ability to connect with others has done wonders for your club, but that only had to open the way.

From what I've seen and heard, you all are close friends not through Shujinkou, but through your own connections. And for that to happen, you all had to show that you're willing to be there for each other even if you can only make the smallest of contributions."

Hiro turned back to Monika with a gentle smile. "When you look back on everything, can you really say that you're an unreliable friend?"

For the first time in what felt like forever, Monika did not have an immediate answer to that question.

"I… I guess not…" Monika admitted. "But… if I'm not unreliable, then what am I supposed to do now?"

"First, you do what something we all have to do every now and then: forgive ourselves for any perceived slights and let go of the things we can't control.

You don't lament that you can't be like Shujinkou because you can't be him. You can only be Monika, Just Monika. And that's enough because you have your own special connections with everyone that can't be so easily severed. If that was the case, you wouldn't feel the way you've felt for so long."

"Just be myself…" Monika placed her hand against her chest again. Unlike before, she gripped gently as she contemplated Hiro's advice. "Just Monika. Just… Monika."

Those words didn't fill Monika with pain like they did earlier. Taking a deep breath, Monika shifted her gaze to Shujinkou.

"…Sometimes when I look at Shujinkou, I see him more than the friend that I really like," she admitted. "I think somewhere along the line I may propped him up like I've been in the past.

But looking at him now, I see a friend who was hurt and a friend who I couldn't keep a promise too. My hurt friend… as soon as I laid eyes on him, I felt guilt. But I also felt the strong urge to do something to help. I felt that same urge around the others, but I couldn't believe that I could do anything. I couldn't believe because I wasn't one to be able to carry all the pain and alone."

With eyes closed, Monika recalled all of her interactions with everyone she had met this year. Good or bad, when she looked at them from another perspective, she discovered something substantial.

"I want to be someone my friends can rely on… And to do that, I have to at least be willing to be there even if it's not easy for me or even if I can't be the one to miraculously make things better… like I have done before.

And maybe… the reason I haven't been as good as I hoped to be was because of my doubts and an overcomplication of everything."

The moment she opened her eyes, Monika felt something she hasn't felt for a while now. The smile she shared with Hiro was proof of that.

"After all, at the end of the day, it's just as simple as 'If a friend needs me to be there, I'll be there… To help'."

The first time she heard that phrase, she thought Shujinkou was using a reference to say what he couldn't in the past. But now it was crystal clear, nothing else needed to be said.

"Thank you, Ms. Hiro," beamed Moniika. "Now I know what I have to do to move on."

Though Kiyoko was unbiased in her opinion, Monika could see the possibilities that she had to have thought up then. Now able to see them too, she knew which one she was going to reach for.

"I don't only have a promise to adhere to but also something personal. I have something to do… A duty as Club Pres- No. I have a duty as a friend I want to uphold.

And this time… I'll actually be there to help any way that I can."