Chapter 32: To Sleep and to Dream
Shepard barely spared the second it took to glance between the three men before she bolted out of the study. She nearly slammed into Grundan Krul on her way out. Shepard grabbed his arm and spun him back toward the living room as she raced past.
"Shepard, I have detected an explosion at your location. Are you in need of assistance?" EDI's voice broke through Shepard's earpiece.
"Assessing the situation now, EDI. Give me a minute," Shepard said.
Anderson's guards were already inside, their shoulders slumping when Anderson followed at her heels. Shepard didn't see where he picked it up from, but Anderson held a pistol in his steady grip. Her crew gathered around her, a sea of urgent faces waiting for orders.
"You two, get Anderson out of here now." Shepard stabbed her finger at the two guards. "Thane, James, you two go with them. You say nothing over the radio about where you're taking him."
"Shepard, I—." Shepard spun to glare at Anderson, cutting him off. He held his hands up in surrender. "Sparatus, Shepard, that's all I was going to say. He lives five floors up, number eighty-five."
"Shit. Grundan Krul, figure out where that blast came from. Legion, scan for any open comms. See if you can pick up any chatter from whoever the hell set that thing off." Shepard kept talking, yelling over her shoulder as she made her way to the bedroom where she left her armor and guns, Garrus following behind her.
Legion dropped his cloaking. "Yes, Shepard-Commander."
"Holy shit! Is that a geth?!" The asari commando flared her biotics.
Jack stepped between the asari and Legion with a devilish grin, pulling her own far more impressive biotic display up around her. "He's with us."
Shepard watched the standoff from the open doorway as Garrus worked the clasps of her armor, and she checked her thermal clips. Thane and James were already flanking Anderson, ushering him towards the door. The asari glanced between Legion, Jack, and Anderson one last time before nodding her head and falling into formation around the councilor. James barked an order, and Jackson fell in line, leaving the apartment with Anderson.
"Shepard-Commander, we have detected communication we believe to be relevant." The plates around Legion's optics fluttered.
Shepard tapped her mic. "Send the channel to EDI, Legion. EDI, figure out who we're dealing with and what they're after. I want locations, numbers, anything you can get. Inform the crew that the Normandy is on high alert."
"At once, Shepard." EDI's voice came through the comm.
"How exciting," Jane said.
"I've confirmed with EDI that the blast came from the eleventh floor, Commander," Grundan Krul said.
Shepard gave the batarian a sharp nod. Garrus fitted the last piece of her armor, before rapping his knuckles on her shoulder letting her know she was good to go. Shepard holstered her weapons and headed for the door.
"I am unclear on the numbers as of yet, Shepard. However, I have registered sixteen different turian voices so far and they are discussing whether to take Councilor Sparatus alive or kill him. If you wish to save the councilor's life, I suggest you hurry. They have reached the tenth floor," EDI said.
"Five floors up for us, two floors down for them. Cakewalk," Jane said.
Shepard wished she felt as sure as Jane did. "EDI, see if you can slow them down. Lock a few doors or something. Be creative."
"Very well, Shepard," EDI said.
"Explosion like that, the elevators will be out; we'll have to use the stairs," Jack said jogging next to Shepard as they raced down the hall.
"Jack is correct. The elevators have been disabled due to emergency protocol. However, I detect no malfunction in the system. I can override it for you, but it will take a few moments," EDI said.
"Get on it, EDI. We'll take the stairs until it's done." Shepard hit the release for the door to the stairs and started climbing.
"Hey, how come you didn't call her Ms. Jack?" Kasumi asked.
"Because she requested that I call her Jack. Do you wish to make a similar request, Ms. Goto?" EDI asked.
"Hmmm, no. I think I like Ms. Goto." Kasumi grinned.
"I'd be happy if someone would just call me Shepard instead of Jane," she mused. "It's not fair, you know. I am Commander Shepard, I earned that title and the respect that comes along with it but no one can even manage to call me Shepard let alone Commander. Unless of course, I'm in the driver's seat and someone's watching. Can't let that little secret get out, now can we?"
"OK, everyone can tell EDI their personal preferences when this shit is over. Focus people." Shepard grit her teeth and pushed on.
"Shepard, we have encountered hostile turians." Thane's voice broke through the comms.
"Keep him alive, Thane. Gods, please keep him alive," Shepard said.
"Of course, Siha." His voice was soft and reassuring in her ear amidst the sounds of gunfire.
Halfway to the next floor, the door opened above them, and panicked civilians rushed down the stairs. Shepard gave the order for her squad to move single file, giving just enough room for the civilians to squeeze past them but slowing the team down.
"Shepard, we're headed to your location. EDI can lock down the Normandy, and the Cerberus crew is trained to defend the ship should it come under attack," Miranda said over the comm.
"Negative. EDI keep Miranda updated with Councilor Anderson's position through her omni-tool until her team reaches them. They're under fire, get the councilor secure and then we'll talk." Shepard's tone left no room for argument.
"Yes, Commander." Displeasure at having been denied coated Miranda's words, but she didn't argue.
"Looks like your new Illusive Man still isn't comfortable taking orders from you. You sure she'll listen to you when you had Cerberus' reins over to her?" Smug amusement seeped through to Shepard from Jane's words.
"Now's not the time, Jane," Shepard thought, clenching her jaw.
They reached the next floor, and Shepard breathed a sigh of relief as EDI informed her that the elevators were once again functional. Relief quickly turned to icy dread in the pit of her stomach when EDI said the enemy had reached the ninth floor. They rushed to the elevator and piled in. Shepard was acutely aware that with Grunt and Legion they were probably straining the elevator's weight capacity. She didn't dare tell the krogan he had to wait to catch the next one up, and she didn't want to risk further panicking fleeing civilians by leaving Legion.
Miraculously, the elevator held out through its groans of protest and stopped on the eighth floor. The doors opened to utter chaos. Gunfire overpowered screams of terror as armed turians fired on civilians, trying to escape.
"Get down!" Jane's knee-jerk reaction tore through her head, the words finding their way to her own lips.
Shepard lowered her assault rifle. "Get down! Get down!"
She pushed forward out of the elevator, giving her team room to spread out behind her. There was no cover nearby, and Shepard immediately took hits dropping her shields. The only thing she could do was press on in hopes that they took the enemy down before they dropped themselves.
The problem was, the enemy wasn't concerned with civilian casualties. In fact, they seemed to revel in each human death. But Shepard cared immensely, and would do everything she could to avoid that particular type of collateral damage. A couple of civilians dropped to the floor, cowering in terror with their hands clamped over their ears. Others continued to flee, only to be shot in their backs. Shepard took each civilian death as a personal affront, rage billowing up inside of her mirroring the fury Jane and the others felt.
"Lost shields." Grunt shoved past her, putting himself as a barricade between her and the bullets.
"On my word, Grunt, we charge in. Got it?" Shepard asked as she watched the meter on her shields rise.
"Don't have to tell me twice." Grunt kept up the fire, slowly marching toward the turians at the other end of the hall.
"Go!" Shepard yelled to the krogan as soon as her shields were up.
"I AM KROGAN!" Grunt took off, leaving Sheaprd's path clear.
Shepard activated her biotic Charge and flew down the hall, slamming into the nearest turian. The turian lifted off his feet as Shepard drove him into the two behind him, making them fall in a tangled heap. She didn't give them the chance to recover, raising her assault rifle she fired on the group at point blank range.
Biotics flared around Shepard, pulling and throwing the turians into the air out of range of the civilians. Shepard felt the wall of giant krogan press against her back. She and Grunt fought to keep their enemies' attention on them, moving from turian to turian keeping the fight close and confined while her team picked them off from a distance.
When her shields dropped again, Shepard lifted her rifle and backed away. "Fall back, Grunt. Shields are down."
Shepard made it halfway down the hall, and Grunt still fought. She opened her mouth to call out to him again when her eyes caught sight of a turian with a detonator. She couldn't see his face through his helmet, but she felt is malicious grin all the same as he held the detonator up where she could see and pressed the button.
Inches away, the door to Shepard's right exploded. The force picked Shepard up and threw her against the opposite wall, her head impacting with a sickening crunch even with the support her helmet offered. Pain ripped through her skull and neck as she dropped to the floor, shards of metal raining down on her.
"Sparatus," Shepard thought, darkness closing in around the edges of her vision. "Jane … please."
Shepard slipped away into unconsciousness.
"Shepard! Shepard!" Garrus' voice sliced through the darkness brighter than any torch.
Jane opened her eyes, groaning against the onslaught of pain made realer by being in control. She lifted a hand, groping around blindly as her vision cleared. A turian hand grasped hers and pulled her to her feet, sending fresh waves of agony through her head, neck, and ribs. A scream escaped her throat, and she swayed on her feet.
"Dawn?" Garrus' eyes searched hers through the shattered visor of her helmet as he fiddled with her suit.
Jane didn't respond, her eyes moving past him at the gaping hole in the wall. She turned her head, whimpering at the knife of pain in her neck. The battle still raged, her crew moving in to keep The Dissension away from her while she got back to her feet. Garrus hit her Medi-gel release, and blissful numbness washed over her injuries, leaving behind the confused incoherence filling her mind. She looked back at him when he put his hands on her shoulders. She bent to retrieve her assault rifle before nudging Garrus aside. She was supposed to be doing something, she just couldn't remember what. The hole in the wall called to her though, tugging at the memories until the pieces fell into place. Dawn asked her to save Sparatus. Dawn asked.
"Dawn?" Jane's words drew no response, not even a stir.
"You good?" Garrus asked.
Jane glanced at Garrus before turning her attention back to the hole, stepping over piles of debris. "Sparatus."
"Shepard, that explosion … he's probably dead." Garrus lifted his assault rifle and followed her into the apartment anyway.
"No, Garrus, they need you out there." Jane stopped just inside the doorway, putting a hand to his armored chest.
"Dawn?" The concerned trill, pitched where her ears could pick up, rumbled through him.
Jane expected Dawn to perk out the sound, but still there was nothing. She started to shake her head but thought better of it. "Dawn's out, Garrus. It knocked her out. She—."
Garrus' hand shout out, wrapping around Jane's upper arm and pulling her in close. The concerned trill turned to a threatening growl. "Let. Her. Go."
Jane jerked her arm free, anger welling up inside as she stared her best friend down. "I can't, Garrus! You're not fucking listening. She's. Out. Cold. She asked me to do this, to save Sparatus, so get out of my damn way, and let me do my job!"
She turned around, raising her assault rifle, expecting him to grab her again. She moved deeper into the apartment when he didn't, the sounds of his feet crunching through debris behind her. Lights flickered inside; torn from the ceiling and swinging by wires. The windows, completely shattered, opened to the Citadel skyline. Jane could hear water running somewhere to the right, the kitchen she assumed. Fires crackled all throughout the living room, small but growing, as they consumed furniture.
"Sparatus?" Jane yelled.
"Jane, this place is about to be filled with smoke and fire. Your helmet is shattered, you can't stay in here." Garrus urged, still taking steady steps at her six.
"Sparatus?" Jane muttered a curse when the lights gave up and went out completely, leaving them to see by the glow of the flickering flames.
She moved through the living room to the kitchen. Water poured from the broken fixtures. The refrigeration unit was tilted and resting against the counter, doors hanging open. She backed out of the kitchen, seeing no sign of the councilor and made her way toward the back of the apartment.
"Jane, the fires … ." Garrus persisted.
"So put them out, Garrus." Jane pressed down the hall. The light from the fires not quite enough to illuminate the area, she flipped on her flashlight. "Sparatus?"
"Shepard! In here! I heard something." Garrus pushed past Jane to a door at the end of the hall. Holstering his assault rifle, he shoved his hands into the gap in the door and started prying them apart.
Jane grinned and thought, "Dawn? Did you hear that? We're alone, and he called me Shepard."
"Good for fucking you." John's bitter voice bit back at her. "Except for there's a dying turian in the next room."
"John? That you? How disappointing," Jane thought, moving down the hall to help Garrus pull the doors open.
She heard something, a faint groan coming from the pitch black room. "Sparatus? It's Commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian. Where are you, sir?"
Another groan, faint and muffled had Garrus moving to the far corner of the room. "Councilor?"
Jane followed him, navigating around the bed. Something moved above in the shadows cast by her flashlight. Jane swung her flashlight up in time to see a thin cable snap, and the giant model of Palaven it held suspended drop another few inches. The final cable stopped its descent toward Garrus' head.
"Shepard, I need light," Garrus said.
Jane heard a creak and activated her biotic Charge, slamming into Garrus and knocking him out of the way just as the final cable gave out, and the metal globe crashed to the floor. Her ribs screamed at her in protest, and she hissed through clenched teeth. She untangled herself from Garrus and pulled herself to her feet. Garrus scrambled away from her, sending pangs of remorse through her chest. Jane swallowed against the not in her throat, watching Garrus climb to his feet again.
Sparatus lay pinned beneath a model of Menae, the model of Palaven two feet from his head. Jane gasped and started toward Sparatus only to be jerked back by Garrus. A moment later, a third sphere crashed to the floor, slamming into Palaven and making it roll over Sparatus' arm. Sparatus let out a cry of pain as the globe rocked back and forth, wedged between his arm and his side.
Jane turned the flashlight to Garrus' face, and he flinched away from the sudden light filtering through his helmet. She turned it back to the third sphere, the chromatic metal reflecting the light. "What's that one called?"
"Spirits … ." Garrus ignored her question and moved to Sparatus.
Jane shrugged and bent to help him lift the moon from the councilor's back and toss it to the side.
Sparatus cried in agony. "Shepard?"
"Yes, sir. Try to stay still; we'll get you out of here," Jane said.
"Anderson?" Sparatus asked.
"He's safe." Jane said moving to the model of Palaven.
She braced her arms against it and put her weight into it. The model moved an inch at most, eliciting a growl from the councilor. She couldn't get it to budge any further, and the sharp pains rising up in her ribs reminded her that she shouldn't be trying to move heavy objects at all. Smoke started to fill the room as Garrus joined her, pushing against the globe. Together they rolled the model off of the councilor's arm. Sparatus roared as the pressure was released.
"Shepard?" Jacob's voice carried through the apartment.
"Back here!" Jane yelled toward the door, squatting to run her omni-tool over the councilor.
Garrus squatted, next to her, slipping his arm under Sparatus'. Jane threw her hand out, slapping his armored chest. "What are you doing?!"
"J—Shepard, we have to get him out of here!" Garrus started to lift again.
"We can't move him, his spine is damaged. We move him, and he's guaranteed to never walk again." Jane turned her arm, showing Garrus her omni-tool's readings.
"Damn it." Garrus growled, carefully lowering Sparatus' arm back to the floor.
Jacob stumbled into the room, coughing. "Shepard, we have to get you out of here before the whole place goes up in smoke."
"I'm not leaving the councilor, and he can't be moved. Get the others, get those fires put out. Garrus, contact C-Sec. They've got to be on their way with medical transport. Give them our location." Jane shone her flashlight on Sparatus who stared back at her, wide eyed and panting.
"Aye, aye, Commander." Jacob turned and ran back down the hall.
Garrus' only response to Jane's order was to open his omni-tool and place a call to C-Sec. Jane coughed, the air thick with smoke. Pain lanced through her ribs again, sending spots of light to dance in front of her eyes. Her knees buckled, but she caught herself before she hit the floor.
"Sit down. The air will be lighter near the floor." Garrus' arm slid under hers, keeping her steady.
Jane nodded and let him help her to the floor. He crouched in front of her, fiddling with her suit again. Medi-gel flooded her system again. It alarmed her when she felt the numbness hit her lungs, and her hands scrambled, latching on to Garrus' forearms. He brushed them aside and moved to sit a few feet away from her.
She could hear her team in the front, putting out fires and clearing a path to her location. A moment later, James came in, letting out a low whistle when he caught sight of Sparatus on the floor.
James crouched in front of her. "C-Sec and medics are coming up the stairs now, Ídolo. They're going to want the room cleared so they can get to the councilor. Can you stand?"
"Might need a little help." Jane admitted.
James started to slide his arm under hers, but stopped when Garrus chuffed. "I got her."
James backed away, hands held out. "Alright."
Garrus helped Jane to her feet while James left the room. She was sure that James would have been gentler about it, but Garrus' rough treatment didn't cause any further injury as far as she could tell. She supposed she deserved the extra pain for shooting him. He let go of her as soon as she was steady on her feet once more, leaving her to make her own way out of the apartment.
Jane met the medics at what was once the front door, passing them her omni-tool scans. They barely paused long enough to give them a glance before rushing past her and down the hall, carrying a stretcher between them. Outside of the apartment, her team waited for her. Those responsible for escorting Anderson to safety were present as well, helping tend to their wounded crewmates. C-Sec moved dead turian and civilian bodies. Jane's eyes caught on Miranda, and for a fleeting moment panic swelled inside of her. Jane clamped it down, refusing to be scared of the other woman. She could hate her, would hate her, for as long as she existed, but she would not be afraid of her.
"Siha." Thane's voice drew her attention.
She turned to see Thane approaching, his hand held out to her. Garrus chuffed from behind her, and she glanced at him in time to see him shake his head. Her eyes slid back to Thane, watching in indifference as he dropped his hand and twitched his brow in understanding. Thane stopped a couple of feet from her and tucked his hands behind his back. His gaze shifted between Jane and Garrus. Jane smiled, winking at Thane before turning her attention back to the gaping hole in the wall to watch the medics carry Sparatus out on a stretcher. The councilor's eyes found hers, and she saluted as they carried him past.
Garrus left her under Thane's watchful eye to speak to one of the C-Sec officers. She watched curiously as the officer nodded his head.
Garrus returned to her side. "They're sending an escort to make sure the council arrives at the hospital safely." He leaned in close, putting his head next to hers to hiss in her ear. "You did your job, now let her go."
"Can't, she's still not awake. I go back inside and that just leaves you with an unconscious body to drag back to the Normandy." Jane whispered back.
"Then let's go back to the Normandy." Garrus said with a low growl.
Jane looked around at her team, exhausted and recovering from injuries. A part of her wanted to argue, just for the sake of arguing. Her team needed rest though, and that still mattered to her even if half of them didn't even know who she was. Not to mention the numbness of the Medi-gel was starting to wear off.
"Alright everyone, back to the Normandy." Jane brushed past Garrus and headed down the hall to the elevator.
She was unsurprised to see that Thane and Garrus both insisted that they ride in the same taxi as her on the way back to the Normandy. It was a surprise, however, when Garrus growled at her and insisted she get in the passenger seat. Jane glared at him, biting her tongue and reminding herself that she was trying to be on her best behavior. Thane climbed into the back, undoubtedly ready to choke her out if she started acting up.
As soon as the doors were closed, separating them from the rest of the crew on the platform waiting for their own taxis, Garrus started in on her. "What's wrong with Dawn? She should've woken up by now, right?"
Jane crossed her arms and settled into the seat, resting her aching head against the back. "How should I know? I'm not a doctor."
"What happened?" Thane asked.
"One of The Dissension blew explosives rigged to the councilor's door with Shepard standing right next to it. She hit the wall hard." Garrus flared his mandibles, glancing at Jane. "Jane took over when it knocked her out."
"I can talk for myself, you know?" Jane glared at Garrus.
"Doesn't matter, anything that comes out of your mouth is probably a lie." He turned back to stare out the skycars windshield.
"Why would I lie to you?" Jane lifted her lip in a snarl.
"I don't know, Jane. Why would you shoot me?" Garrus snapped his mandibles tight against his jaw.
"That's not—I said I was sorry, Garrus. I panicked, and I made a mistake. I'm sorry. You on the other hand are hell bent on killing me." Jane turned her head to look out the window, ignoring the ache in her still healing neck muscles and the sting in her eyes. "My Garrus wouldn't have been so cold."
"Yeah, well maybe your Garrus didn't really give a fuck about you, but I love Dawn and I'm not going to just sit back and watch you destroy her and act like everything's OK." Garrus growled, the sound exaggerated in the confines of the skycar.
Jane sucked in a ragged breath, and the tears she fought against started to flow down her face. She stayed silent, staring out the window. Her chest ached with the silent sobs, threatening to make her start coughing again.
Garrus scented the air and scoffed. "Are you crying? After all the shit you put me through—put Dawn through, you're actually crying? What because I hurt your feelings?" He shook his head. "Fuck you, Jane. Fuck you."
"Garrus." Thane's voice was low and steady, but carried an undertone of warning.
Garrus glanced at Thane, clapping his mandibles twice and chuffing before staring back at traffic. They continued to ride in silence, the only sound Jane's occasional shuddering breath. She didn't dare speak until she could control her voice.
"The explosion threw her against the wall, and she hit her head. Probably a concussion. Torn neck muscles, and broken ribs. She was losing consciousness, and she asked me to save the councilor. She asked! So I did. I don't know why she's still out." Jane spoke to neither of them in particular.
Garrus chuffed again but didn't comment.
After a moment of silence, Thane said, "Thank you, Jane. I am sure she will be pleased to know the councilor survived."
Garrus scoffed.
Jane blinked her eyes, surprised by the genuineness she heard in Thane's voice. "Yeah."
They approached the docks, and Garrus settled the taxi down onto the landing platform. He opened the door and headed for the Normandy entrance, not bothering to wait for Thane or Jane to exit the vehicle. Jane watched him walk away through the windshield, sadness creeping in around the edges of her consciousness that didn't belong to her alone. She opened the door and waited for Thane to step out before closing it again. When she turned around he was scrutinizing her, his hands tucked behind his back.
Jane bristled. "What?"
"My apologies." He gestured toward the Normandy. "Shall we?"
Jane started walking. "Where's Anderson?"
"He's safe, as she requested," Thane said.
"What, I can't know?" Jane scoffed. "It's not like I won't know the second you tell her anyway."
"Perhaps it is best if we discuss this after you have been tended to by the doctor. You are injured, Jane, and she could be in danger," Thane said.
"Whatever." She finished the walk in silence, entering the Normandy and heading straight for the med bay.
Garrus apparently thought the same thing. He waited in the med bay, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and an angry scowl on his face. Dr. Chakwas stood nearby, her eyes locking on to Jane the second the door opened.
"Hello, Jane. How are you feeling?" Relief washed over Jane at the familiar sympathetic tone Dr. Chakwas used.
"Don't … don't use that voice with her. She doesn't deserve that voice." Garrus flared his mandibles, his eye ridges raised.
Dr. Chakwas cocked an eyebrow and turned to Garrus with a chastising glare. "You may leave now, Vakarian."
"I can't leave her in here with you. She—." Garrus pushed away from the wall, ready to argue his case.
"Out, Vakarian. That wasn't a request." Dr. Chakwas crossed her arms over her chest, resting her weight on one hip.
Garrus took a deep breath and let it out slow. "Yes, ma'am."
Jane watched as Garrus left, walking past the med bay windows toward the main battery. The others were starting to arrive, Grundan Krul walked past the window as Dr. Chakwas was closing the blinds. The doctor turned her attention to Thane and studied him for a moment.
"You may stay as long as she is comfortable, and you can keep yourself composed." Dr. Chakwas looked to Jane with a raised eyebrow.
Jane shrugged, tears starting to form in her eyes again. Dr. Chakwas crossed the floor and rested her hands on Jane's shoulders. Jane met her eyes, and Dr. Chakwas frowned.
"It's alright, dear. Let's get you out of this armor and up on the bed. Garrus said you were near an explosion and took quite the beating." Dr. Chakwas' fingers worked the seal of Jane's helmet.
Jane clamped her hands down on Dr. Chakwas' wrists, catching the brief startled look in her eyes. "Why are you being so nice to me?"
Dr. Chakwas' brow creased. "Well, why not, dear?"
"Because everyone hates me. Garrus wants you to kill me. Because you all think I'm crazy and dangerous. What do you mean 'why not'?" Jane scoffed even as the tears still fell from her eyes.
It was Dr. Chakwas turn to scoff, her head tilting to the side. "I do not hate you, and I most certainly am not going to kill you. Oh for the love of God, I'm going to thump that bullheaded turian right on his head."
Jane snorted, unable to help the smile that spread over her lips. "My money's on you, doc."
Dr. Chakwas laughed, and Jane thought she heard a soft chuckle come from Thane.
"Commander, I—." Dr. Chakwas came up short when Jane gasped. "What? What's wrong?"
"You called me Commander." A swirl of confusing emotions tore her mind in different directions.
"Well of course I did. You are Commander Shepard, even if you aren't quite the one I'm used to dealing with." Dr. Chakwas' flashed a bemused smile.
"Don't toy with me, doc." Jane let go of Dr. Chakwas hands, letting the woman remove her helmet.
Dr. Chakwas frowned, lifting the damaged helmet from Jane's head. "I'm not toying with you, Commander. I won't pretend that your past behaviors haven't concerned me, and I won't say that Dawn's wellbeing isn't my top priority. That doesn't mean that I'm not concerned for you—for all of you, too. You are not the enemy, Jane. You are unwell. And who wouldn't be after what you've been through?"
Jane chewed her lip in silence while Dr. Chakwas removed the rest of her armor. She wanted desperately to believe the sympathy she heard in the doctor's voice, wanted to believe that she truly cared about Jane, but she couldn't quite let herself latch on to that hope. There was too much at stake to trust someone who could do her so much harm if she decided Jane wasn't worth the effort. She let the doctor guide her to the bed and sat still while being scanned, poked, and prodded. Thane watched from across the room.
"Commander, I need to call in Ms. Lawson and Dr. Solus. Ms. Lawson will want to check your implants, and Dr. Solus might be able to confirm my theory about why Dawn is still unconscious." Dr. Chakwas stopped in front of Jane, going over her omni-tool readings.
Jane felt her eyes grow wide in panic at the thought of Miranda touching her. Thane crossed the room to stand next to the bed, putting her within arm's reach. It only increased Jane's panic, and she slid off the bed. Dr. Chakwas looked up startled.
"I don't want Miranda touching me!" Jane's throat spasmed, making her voice screech.
"Commander, Ms. Lawson is the only one qualified—." Dr. Chakwas took a step back when Jane lunged, seizing the doctor's uniform in tight fists.
Thane moved into place faster than Jane expected, sliding his arm around her neck. Jane let go and held her hands up in surrender.
"Let her go, Mr. Krios." Dr. Chakwas smoothed her uniform, and Thane let go of Jane.
"I—I'm sorry, I just … you don't know what she did to me, Dr. Chakwas. You don't understand what she did." Jane's hands fluttered to her face, feeling for the now faded scars as if the cuts were still fresh. "She cut me open all over … and … and she scraped out my insides, scraped off my skin! She put things inside of me!" Jane's voice was rising to the point of hysteria as everything she felt was amplified by the others. "She put control chips in me! She never did that before. Oh gods, please, please don't let her cut me open. Gods please."
Dr. Chakwas stepped in and flung her arms around Jane unexpectedly. Jane tensed, panic overriding her senses and scrambled to get away. Dr. Chakwas only held tighter. After a moment, Jane realized the doctor was hugging her and not trying to hold her down. Jane broke into sobs, burying her face in Dr. Chakwas neck and clinging desperately to her waist.
"Please, please, please. Gods, please." Jane begged, knotting the fabric of Dr. Chakwas uniform in her fists again.
"Shhh. It's alright, Commander. It's alright. I assure you Ms. Lawson means you no harm. I highly doubt you require any type of surgery, but I promise you that should that occur; I will be here the entire time. Alright?" Dr. Chakwas stroked her hair and cooed softly in her ear.
A few sobs and sniffles later, Jane unclenched her hands and nodded her head. "Alright."
Dr. Chakwas pulled back, wiping tears from Jane's face. Jane sniffled and nodded again. She wanted desperately to trust Dr. Chakwas. No one else had touched her with compassion since all of this began. Maybe she could trust the doctor. Maybe Dr. Chakwas truly did care about her and would find a way to help her stop the cycle.
"EDI, please inform Ms. Lawson and Dr. Solus that I require their immediate assistance in the med bay," Dr. Chakwas said.
EDI's blue hologram sprung to life next to the door. "Very well, Dr. Chakwas." A moment later she said, "Ms. Lawson and Dr. Solus are on their way."
"Thank you, EDI," Dr. Chakwas said.
"You are welcome." EDI's hologram collapsed in on itself, winking out of existence.
Jane paced nervously under Thane's watchful eye until the door to the med bay opened and Miranda strolled in, heels clacking on the metal floor. Jane tensed and backed away, returning to the bed to brace herself against its side. Thane edged a little closer.
"Hello, Commander. I just finished going through your medical records and I—What's wrong?" Miranda came to a halt in the middle of the room.
"Ms. Lawson, Jane is still feeling a little apprehensive around you after her experience with Project Lazarus. She has agreed, however, to allow you to examine her implants in my presence." Dr. Chakwas moved to Jane, running a soothing hand down her shoulder.
The faintest flicker of shock and pain crossed Miranda's face before the steel door of indifference slammed into place. "I see." Miranda opened her omni-tool. "Well, then, shall we?"
Jane looked to Dr. Chakwas who smiled and gave her an encouraging nod. She cast a furtive glance at Miranda before swallowing. "Yeah."
Still, she tensed when Miranda stepped forward. Jane's nails dug into the mattress behind her as Miranda waved her omni-tool over Jane's head and down her body. Neither of them attempted eye contact. The door opened again, and Mordin walked in.
"Ah, Shepard. Yes, heard injuries were sustained. Seemed fine standing in hall." Mordin paused midstride, barely missing a step before his feet propelled him forward. "No. Wait. Not Shepard. Well, yes, yes, Shepard. Not Dawn. Excellent! Hello, Jane!"
Miranda glanced over her shoulder at Mordin. "How could you tell?"
"Body language different. Posture. Facial expressions. Extreme fear of you." Mordin smiled smugly as he finished crossing the room to stand next to Miranda.
Jane clenched her jaw. "I'm not afraid of her."
"Ah. Denial of fear. Dawn has same coping mechanism. Interesting." Mordin snorted softly. "Not unconscious. Drell present. In med bay. Research? No, wouldn't require implant scans." He looked at Dr. Chakwas. "Pupils dilated. Concerned expression. What's wrong with Dawn?"
Jane was able to remain relatively calm despite her racing thoughts until Miranda asked her to turn around. Jane was especially uneasy about the idea of having Miranda at her back where she couldn't see the scalpel coming before it sliced through her skin. Her breathing hitched as she slowly turned around. Within moments Jane was hyperventilating as the mantra began racing through her head. Dr. Chakwas voice saying the words 'comatose state' floated to her from miles away.
"The scraping and the cutting, the drilling and the screwing," Jane thought. "She cut me open. Cut, cut, cut. The metal and the tubes. She put them inside of me. Oh gods, I felt it all. I died and she cut me open, scraped away my skin."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Jane, you need to calm down. You're safe. We're all safe," John said.
Jane shook her head, slowly at first, but picking up speed, ignoring the protesting muscles in her neck. She was beginning to feel lightheaded but couldn't still her breathing.
"My ribs spread open, my heart in her hands. Elbow deep in my intestines. Oh gods, what did she put inside of me?" Jane thought.
"Jane, look at me." Thane appeared in front of her on the opposite side of the bed.
Jane met his eyes. "No, no please." Her thin voice quiet and frail.
"Jane, you remember her breathing exercises, yes? Use them now." Thane instructed, beginning the exercise himself.
Jane tried to breathe deeply, but it took her a few tries to slow the rhythmic spasms of her diaphragm enough to pull in one slow, deep breath. Thane smiled and nodded, not breaking from his own breathing but shifting it to match hers. Soon, Jane felt her racing heart begin to slow, and the fear retreat to a manageable level.
"Her implants seem fine. Whatever is happening, they aren't the cause. Unless you need anything else, I have work to do," Miranda said.
Jane kept her eyes locked on Thane's, following his lead as he carried her through different breathing exercises. She glanced to the side when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"She's gone, Commander. You did well." She dipped her head to Thane. "Thank you, Mr. Krios."
Thane dipped his head in return, moving back to his previous place next to Jane as she turned around. Mordin loomed in front of her, all but bouncing with his excitement.
"Any contact with the others?" He opened his omni-tool and began his own scans when Jane nodded.
"Just John. And I can feel them the way she feels us. Their emotions." Jane watched the eager salarian as he worked still unsure whether she should trust him after his paralyzing stunt in the tech labs and the reaper tech he put in her head.
"John? Why John? Why not the others?" Mordin stopped to look at his omni-tool's readout.
Jane smirked. "That's right, she hasn't told you. John's been talking to our lovely Dawn. Whispering in her ear when I'm not paying attention. He even figured out how to step into my shoes when I'm down. It's temporary, of course. He can't be me. No matter how hard he tries."
Mordin's eyes left his omni-tool right after the words 'hasn't told you', and they stayed fixated on Jane soaking up every word she had to say. Dr. Chakwas sucked her teeth and took notes on a datapad.
Thane remained expressionless. "She spoke briefly this evening about factions forming among the others. One, a man named John, has been planning what she referred to as mutiny. She did not specify, but considering Jane's words now, I believe she meant against Jane. We did not … there was not much time for discussion."
Jane snickered, raising her eyebrow at Thane. "That's because it's difficult to talk while you're sticking your tongues down each other's throats." She crossed her arms and cocked her hip. "But yeah, that about sums it up. John thinks he can gain enough followers, enough strength to displace me permanently."
Thane took her revelation without the faintest flicker of response. She was a little disappointed. She expected at least some rapid blinking or maybe a clenched jaw, but he gave her nothing.
"Displace you from where, exactly?" Dr. Chakwas looked up from her datapad, ignoring Jane's attempt to bait the drell.
Jane chewed on her lip, contemplating how best to describe her place in Dawn's mind. "It's like … Huh, I guess it's like I'm the first in line. Not that there's an actual line, but uh … it's like I'm the dam that holds them all back. The mediator between Dawn and the others."
"Liara's Veil," John said.
Jane nodded. "Liara's Veil."
Confused by the statement, Mordin cocked his head and blinked his eyes. Jane smirked; at least Mordin didn't fail to amuse.
"Dr. Liara T'Soni was the first to discover the commander's, ah, circumstances through a melding." Dr. Chakwas waved a hand in small circles as she talked to Mordin. "Dr. T'Soni described what she experienced as passing through a veil before reaching Dawn's consciousness. Before we understood the full nature of what the commander was experiencing, we came to refer to the other commanders as 'The Veil'."
"Fascinating. Where is Dawn?" Mordin blinked again, resuming his scanning.
The look on his face told Jane that he thought he already knew, but she felt oddly grateful to him for giving her the chance to tell her own story. "Beyond The Veil." Jane smiled. "Shoved back in the queue somewhere with the crazies."
"She's safe. She won't wake up, but she's safe," John said.
"John says she safe, but still out. He's probably got his sheep surrounding her, keeping the wolves at bay." Jane shrugged. "I can't hear the others when I'm in Dawn's spot. I don't know what's going on in there. It's magnificently quiet. Usually I hear her, but I guess this time I get John, and he's not much of a talker."
"I just don't want to talk to you," John said.
"Yeah, yeah. Fuck you, too, John," Jane said aloud.
Dr. Chakwas snorted, a small titter of amusement escaping her lips. Jane turned her head to look at the doctor with a grin and winked. A yawn caught her by surprise, the ache of sore muscles and bones easing enough, thanks to the wonders of Medi-gel and Cerberus, for simple exhaustion to set in.
"So what now?" Another yawn escaped her lips. "I heard the word 'comatose' being thrown around. Is that what's going on?"
"Unfortunately, Commander, we've never had the luxury of dealing with your particular situation before so at best, we can make educated guesses." Dr. Chakwas sat the datapad down on the bed behind Jane. "Because you are awake and keeping Dawn's brain active, the results of our scans do not indicate a coma, however, that doesn't necessarily mean that isn't what Dawn is experiencing—of sorts."
Jane fought the urge to smile with delight, instead pulling her expressionless mask of command into place. "Is there anything you can do?"
"I'm afraid not. I want to keep you here under observation. If you are able to sleep, I will take further scans at that time." Dr. Chakwas clasped her hands in front of her, prepared to deliver news that Jane didn't think she'd like. "With a little luck, Dawn will wake on her own after her body has been allowed the rest and time to recuperate that it requires."
"She did tell you Dawn's wellbeing was her top priority." The smug satisfaction in John's voice set Jane's teeth on edge.
"Shut up and tend to Sleeping Beauty like a good little soldier." Although her thoughts snarled, she maintained her outward composure.
"And what if she doesn't? There's too much that needs done, doc. You can't keep me in here indefinitely waiting for Dawn to wake up. The collectors aren't going to wait, the reapers aren't going to wait, and neither will this new threat." Jane crossed her arms, leaning her hip against the bed. "You acknowledge me as Commander, are you prepared to let me do my job and follow my command in Dawn's absence?"
"Ah! Field research. Scans while—." Mordin's excitement got the better of him until a glare from Dr. Chakwas silenced him.
"They'll never let that happen, and you know it," John said.
"I am not prepared, nor is it within my authority to make such a call on my own, Commander." Dr. Chakwas straightened her spine, lifting her chin. "For now, I would like you to get some rest and we'll see how things go. If in the morning Dawn remains unconscious, I will meet with Ms. Lawson and we will consider how to proceed."
Jane clenched her jaw, three subtle contractions before she raised an eyebrow. "I take it that means I'm sleeping in here tonight? Can I take a shower first?"
"Of course." Dr. Chakwas relaxed a little, a soft smile gracing her features. "I'll need to stay with you, however. No offense, Commander, but the last time you were alone in a restroom you attempted surgery on yourself."
"Fine. It's not like it's my body you'll be looking at." Jane pushed away from the bed, moving to the door.
Thane fell into step behind them, and Jane stopped, turning to him she raised an eyebrow.
"Forgive me, but I don't believe she would wish for me to leave Dr. Chakwas alone with you." Thane waved toward the doctor. "I will wait outside unless I am needed."
Jane rolled her eyes and started walking. "Whatever."
The two of them followed her up to her cabin, Dr. Chakwas going into the bathroom with Jane while Thane stood guard outside the door. What did they really expect her to do? Hijack the ship and throw them all out of the airlock? Jane stripped off her clothes and started the shower, the steam filling the room in seconds. Dr. Chakwas settled her hip against the sink, watching Jane with a clinical detachment so very at odds with the warm compassion she showed her earlier.
Jane stepped under the near scalding spray of water, groaning with pleasure. Since the day Dawn died over Alchera, Jane had been able to feel the things she felt but it was so different, so much more real when she was riding Dawn's body. She felt alive; well and truly, alive. Tears of bliss welled up in her eyes, and she turned her back to the doctor on the other side of the glass stall. She let the water wash over her face, doing her best to imagine that it was actually her face and not Dawn's. If she didn't run her fingers over it, she could hold onto the illusion for a moment.
"It's not your body, Jane. Dawn's going to wake up and you're going to have to give it back," John said.
Jane did her best to ignore him, but the moment had passed, and she couldn't recapture that feeling of euphoria. She opened the shampoo bottle and squeezed some into her hand before setting to work cleaning the body that wasn't her own. When she was rinsed, and Dr. Chakwas coughed impatiently outside, Jane turned off the water. She wrapped herself in a towel, and stepped out of the shower. Using a second towel she dried her hair, watching the doctor watch her. Jane winced when her fingers found the tender knot on her head. Dr. Chakwas frowned but remained quiet while Jane redressed in clean, comfortable clothes.
Thane escorted them back to the med bay, leaving Jane feeling like a prisoner under guard. She knew it wasn't far from the truth. Thane and Dr. Chakwas hovered in the med bay door, whispering together as Jane climbed up on the bed, draping the thin blanket over her lap. After a moment, Dr. Chakwas nodded, and Thane moved to the chair next to the bed. Jane pursed her lips as dread settled in around her shoulders, weighing her down.
"I don't know what will happen if I try to sleep like this. I haven't actually slept in … thousands of years. Dear gods." Jane's heartrate started to climb, blood pounding against her veins. "What if I can't sleep at all anymore? What if I just stay awake all night? Or try to sleep and slip out of her instead? What then? What if she doesn't wake up and I can't get back in?"
Dr. Chakwas settled into her chair next to her desk. "We will deal with whatever happens as it comes, Commander. You must try to sleep, regardless. If you do not, her body will eventually begin to shut down. Her implants won't be able to keep up with the damage. Even if you remain coherent, her body will eventually die from sleep deprivation." Dr. Chakwas crossed her legs and folded her hands over her knees. "I don't believe that would be a pleasant experience for any of you."
Jane cringed at the idea of feeling the not-her-body shut down, organs failing until eventually she died. She'd experienced being trapped inside Dawn's mind as she died once and her own body as she died twice. She really didn't want to experience it again. Jane laid back against the pillows as Dr. Chakwas dimmed the lights. She pulled the covers up around her, tucking them under her chin as she rolled to her side. Her eyes landed on Thane, his black orbs unerringly fixed on her. Jane rolled to her other side and closed her eyes. Exhaustion swept over her body, pulling her down into oblivion. For a moment, just a brief moment, Jane thought she might actually get the chance to remember what it's like to sleep and to dream.