Chapter 33: Loco Lola
The long hours of the night passed in darkness but not silence. The body of Commander Dawn Shepard lay motionless in the med bay while the Normandy's medical professionals did their best to ferret out what was wrong with her. Inside, a war waged.
Jane fought to reach Dawn in her slumber. If she could reach that other mind, she'd have control for good. She wouldn't hurt Dawn, of course. Jane didn't want Dawn to suffer, but if suffering was what was required for Jane to keep her freedom, then it was a regrettable necessity. If she could just find her, and get her away from John, then Jane could make sure that Dawn never woke up again. It was a mercy, really, to keep Dawn trapped in her dreams. She'd be kept from the constant whispers and agonized screams. The others would keep her safe for Jane, they promised her.
She just had to get to Dawn, and everything would be alright again. She couldn't though; John fought her, keeping Dawn hidden somehow. Anytime Jane tried to reach out further, to feel around for Dawn, John would try to snatch control. With Dawn unable to assert her will over her body, it was free reign. Anyone who got close enough to that open door could just step right through, and then Jane would never be free again. No, no she couldn't let that happen. Terrible things would happen if John got control. Jane was sure of it, as sure as she was of anything.
Jane didn't want this. She never wanted any of this. She tried to get Dawn to work with her instead, they could have moved mountains if Dawn would have just listened. But Dawn wouldn't listen. She thought she was special, that she had some right to live while Jane and the others remained trapped inside forced to watch her while she made a mess of everything. What right did she have?
"I don't think she's going to wake up. It's been twelve hours. Perhaps … perhaps it's best that we try to rouse Jane." Miranda's voice carried through the sounds of maddening screams and suffocating pressure as John's forces clashed with Jane's.
"You're kidding?!" Garrus' angry voice cut deep, another chink in Jane's armor.
"The only other option at this time is to allow the commander's body to entropy in the hopes that she revives on her own. I'm sorry, Garrus, but I believe it's the best thing that we can do for her right now," Dr. Chakwas said.
"Entropy." A maddened voice rang out above the din, laughing. "Entropy is for the dead. We're all dead. Dawn's dying. She's going to entropy! She's going to decay and die. They'll put her in a silver coffin and shoot her body out into space. She'll rot among the stars!"
"If we can talk to Jane, she might be able to provide us with further insight. At the very least, she can help keep Shepard's body functioning properly, making it significantly easier for Shepard to recover," Miranda said.
"Easier to collect data, too. Need to speak to Jane. Run tests. Compare to previous results. Much to learn from her. Also, significant information to be gained on collectors. Reapers. Valuable asset. Should not waste—." Mordin's agreement was interrupted by the sound of Garrus' frustrated growl.
"Yes, keep her body functioning, but leave her mind behind. It's the only way, Jane." The voice seemed to slip right into Jane's ear, coming from nowhere and everywhere all at once.
"He'll be fine So, we are in agreement, then?" Dr. Chakwas asked.
"We'll find her. Go, go now and set things right! The way they are supposed to be." His voice felt like the caress of a lover across her nonexistent skin, promising her an end to her longing.
"Yes," Mordin said.
"Jane? Commander, can you hear me? I'd like for you to wake up now, if you can." Dr. Chakwas' request was all the encouragement Jane needed to flee from the chaos and step back through the door Dawn left open.
Jane opened her eyes, sighing in relief as the noise slipped away from her. Miranda took a step back while Dr. Chakwas hovered over Jane, running her omni-tool over Jane's head. Mordin pushed in on her other side, smiling down at her as he offered her his hand. Jane hesitated, still unsure of the salarian. He seemed to sense her wariness and dropped his hand back to the side.
"Sorry, Mordin. I guess I'm just not real big on people who like to put things in my head." Jane pushed herself up, eagerly looking around the med bay for Garrus, but he was already gone.
Miranda scoffed. "I believed it was necessary at the time. I already apologized to the commander, and will not explain myself again."
Mordin smiled. "Also removed something from your head."
Jane snorted and nodded, reminding herself that she needed to be on her best behavior. "Fair enough."
"How are you feeling, Commander?" Dr. Chakwas closed her omni-tool.
"Fine, I guess." Jane shrugged. "So what now, doc?"
Dr. Chakwas shared a look with Miranda, and Miranda nodded her head. "After discussing your current condition with both Dr. Chakwas and Dr. Solus, we have decided that it is best that I, as second in command, maintain command over the Normandy and her crew." Miranda held out a well-manicured hand, stopping Jane from protesting. "However, although Dr. Chakwas is hesitant, I believe that it is best that I confer with the entire squad before allowing you to participate in any missions."
"You want to tell them all about me?" Jane's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, Dawn isn't going to like that."
"I don't believe we have many options … Commander." Miranda stumbled over the word but managed to get through it without losing her composure. "You have shown yourself to be less than stable, and I will not put the rest of the crew at risk without them even knowing that you pose a potential threat." Miranda crossed her arms, dropping her weight on one hip. "Alternatively, we can keep you quarantined to the med bay and under constant surveillance. We will, of course, have to tell them something to explain your confinement."
"Oh, I said Dawn wouldn't like it. By all means, if it gets me out of this room and us back on track, tell them. Enough of you know now anyway." Jane shrugged. "Just don't expect Garrus to be onboard. Let me get changed and I'll call the meeting."
"Commander, it's best if you aren't present when we speak to them." Dr. Chakwas frowned, putting a hand on Jane's shoulder. "This will be shocking news, difficult to understand for many of them, and they need to feel free to speak their minds on the matter."
"She means they don't need you going crazy and shooting at anyone who disagrees with you," John said.
Jane deflated. They weren't going to give her the chance to speak for herself, to explain her actions. Her whole team was going to be convinced that she was dangerous and crazy, but it was the only choice she had. She had to stay on her best behavior. She had to, or they'd find a way to lock her inside even if it meant Dawn never woke up again. Jane chewed her lip but finally nodded her head in understanding.
"If you are comfortable, I would like to leave you in Dr. Solus' care while we meet with the others." Dr. Chakwas slid her hand down Jane's arm to give her hand a gentle squeeze. "I'll take you to your cabin to change, and have some breakfast brought in for you first."
Jane sighed in resignation and nodded her head. "Alright."
Dr. Chakwas took Jane to her cabin and waited just outside the bathroom door while Jane relieved herself and brushed her teeth. When Jane was changed and her hair brushed, they returned to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas and Miranda left Jane sitting on the edge of the bed with a meal tray on her lap, and Mordin watching over her.
Jane spent the next two hours answering Mordin's questions while he recorded the entire conversation. He wanted every detail that she could remember about The Intelligence in the catalyst, the design of the crucible, and what happened when the different paths were taken. He prodded her for details on what she experienced in between one life and the next, and what differences existed between the individual Shepards' lives prior to her inhabitation. He took scans, trying to determine a physical location in Dawn's body where they resided. He asked about what things looked like, what they sounded like, what they felt like, and even what they sounded like on the inside.
Jane never felt more relieved in all of her lives to hear the sound of a door opening. She turned to the door, a smile on her face. Garrus stood in the doorway, the perfect picture of fury as he clenched his hands into fists over and over again. Jane's smile faltered as Garrus charged in, stopping two inches from her face. Grundan Krul hovered off to the side, his normally stoic features painted with uncertainty.
"You do anything, and I mean anything to hurt anyone on this ship including Dawn, or anything to jeopardize this mission, and I swear I will carry you to Anderson to be locked away myself." His mandibles were held so tightly against his face, Jane could swear she heard the soft scraping of metal plates sliding over one another as he spoke.
Jane squared her shoulders, anger welling up inside of her as she closed some of the distance between herself and Garrus, bringing her face within an inch of his. She hissed through clenched teeth. "Get out of my face, Vakarian, before I put you on your ass."
"Leave him alone, Jane. He's got every right to hate you. Every right to want to protect the team from you," John said.
Grundan Krul put a hand on Garrus' arm, urging him to back off. "Archangel, come on."
Garrus growled, low and menacing. "You'd better pray the doctors never tell me that Dawn can't be recovered because Spirits, the moment they do I'll rip your throat out."
The sound of a pistol whirring to life stopped Jane's next words on her tongue.
Mordin's practical voice cut through the tension. "Should leave now."
Garrus turned his head to look at Mordin's pistol wedged into a gap in his armor. Garrus flicked his mandibles a few times at the professor before returning his glare to Jane. "Pray." He turned, brushing past Grundan Krul and stormed out of the med bay.
Grundan Krul lingered, his gaze eventually returning to Jane. She crossed her arms over her chest. Mordin put his pistol away and opened his omni-tool, scanning Jane as if nothing unusual had just happened.
"Something you want to say?" Jane asked Grundan Krul.
Grundan Krul raked his thumb down the side of his jaw and shook his head. The door opened again and Dr. Chakwas walked in, glancing between Jane and Grundan Krul.
"Sorry to have kept you waiting. I appreciate your assistance." Dr. Chakwas nodded to Grundan Krul and he followed her to the back of the med bay. "Make sure everyone keeps one of these on them at all times."
Jane turned to watch as Dr. Chakwas started filling syringes from a vial of clear liquid. "Sedatives? You're passing out sedatives to everyone?"
"Good doc, excellent idea. They all need to be prepared to take her down," John said.
"Fuck off, John. I like it better when you refuse to talk." Jane thought.
"It was an agreed upon term of your release, Commander." Dr. Chakwas capped each syringe once it was filled and passed it to Grundan Krul. "Additionally, you will be under constant surveillance, but you will be free to move about the Normandy as you wish and take part in missions. For your continued safety, and the safety of Dawn, it was agreed that the Cerberus crew that are not a part of your squad will not be informed, and precautions will be taken to protect your identity from anyone else. You will submit to twice daily to assessment by Ms. Lawson, Dr. Solus, or myself. If you can agree to these terms, you are free to leave the med bay."
"Fantastic. Who's on guard duty first?" Jane forced a smile.
"Lieutenant Vega insisted on that honor. He's waiting for you outside." Dr. Chakwas crossed the room to rest her hands on Jane's shoulders. "I know that this isn't ideal, Commander. I'm sorry, but this is the best that we can do."
"Yeah." Jane patted Dr. Chakwas arm before pulling away. "I'll go report to James."
"One more thing," Dr. Chakwas said as Jane walked away. "The Council is waiting for you to report in. They were quite upset that you weren't there first thing this morning. I bought you some time, explaining to them that you sustained injuries in the blast while saving Sparatus."
"Then I guess I'd better report." Jane turned to EDI's interface node. "EDI, please ask Samara to meet me at the airlock in twenty minutes. Tevos might try a little harder to keep the peace with her there."
"At once, Shepard." EDI's hologram hovered in the air. "I am uncertain if it is appropriate to call you Shepard. Do you prefer Jane?"
Jane smiled and shook her head. "No, EDI. I prefer Shepard or Commander. Thanks for asking."
"Of course, Shepard." EDI's hologram collapsed and disappeared.
Jane left the med bay and stopped in her tracks two feet out. James stood just outside the door, but he wasn't the only one. Lia and Legion stood off to the other side. Jack lounged on a bench in the mess, her elbows propped on the table as she watched Jane. Zaeed leaned against the far wall. Grundan Krul came out behind her and started passing out the sedatives, giving one to James first. She could feel all of their eyes on her, gawking at her. Judging her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
When she opened them again they all remained, still staring. Jane clenched her teeth and turned to James. "I need to go to the armory. My gear was trashed in the explosion."
James nodded and waved a hand toward the elevator. Jane started walking, James falling in on her left. "You alright, Lieutenant?"
James hit the call button for the elevator and shrugged a massive shoulder. "I'm not going to say that this isn't loco, probably more than anything I've ever heard in my life. But I'm a marine, ma'am, I can handle it."
They stepped into the elevator and Jane hit the button for the CIC. "You prepared to use that syringe on me, Lieutenant?"
"Yes ma'am, if the need arises." James nodded his head, glancing at the syringe he still held in his palm.
Jane stepped closer to him, getting nearly as close as Garrus was to her in the med bay. She peered into his eyes, testing his mettle and feeling pride when he didn't flinch. "You scared of me, James?"
James gave her his best shit eating grin. "No more than usual, Ídolo."
"Glad to hear it, James." Jane patted his cheek and stepped back to lean against the wall. "You always called me Lola. Well, at least when I had tits."
James' laughter filled the elevator, easing the tension from Jane's shoulders. "Lola huh? That must be why you asked about that on Fehl Prime. Uhhhh … She asked about it. I know a Lola. I guess you kind of remind me of her."
Jane laughed. "Yeah, that's where the nickname came from. 'Hot. Tough'."
"Look at you, getting cocky, Lola." James grinned. "Damn, that will take some getting used to."
The elevator opened and the conversation died down. Jane led the way to the armory. Jacob looked up at her as soon as the door opened. He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at James before settling his attention on Jane.
"Something I can do for you, ma'am?" Jacob dropped his hand to the table; the pistol inches from his fingers didn't go unnoticed.
"Relax, Jacob. I'm not here to hurt you. I just need new gear." Jane ignored the twisting in her guts. What did it really matter if he didn't trust her?
Jacob's tight smile did nothing to ease the tension in the room. "Of course. Yeah, I guess that blast really did a number on your armor. I'm not sure I'll be able to get it fixed, but I can requisition a new set of the same if you want."
"I'm sure Dawn would appreciate that." Jane crossed the room to stand on the opposite side of the table.
Jacob swallowed, and nodded. "Right. Well, just tell me what you want and I'll get it pulled out for you."
Jacob didn't relax at all the entire time Jane suited up and checked out her weapons, if anything, he became more nervous. Jane considered shooting him just on principle, but then James would feel like he had to jab that needle in her neck and things would get really ugly.
"So, uh, wait … there were times when you didn't have tits?" James whispered as he watched her.
Jane laughed making Jacob snap his head in her direction from his spot behind the table. "Yeah, there were a few times where you and I could share the same bathroom without the whole crew whispering." Jane winked at James, earning her a grin.
"Dios. I mean … how?" James lifted both shoulders.
"That's the part that stumps you, huh?" Jane grinned and shook her head. "I don't know how, James. I don't know how for any of it."
"Right, sorry. This has got to be hard for … all of you." James followed her as she made her way to the door. "So, what'd I call you then? Just Shepard?"
"Loco," John said.
Jane glanced back over her shoulder. "Loco."
Kelly ambushed Jane on her way out of the armory. "Good morning, Commander. You have unread messages at your console, and Councilor Anderson called the Normandy personally inquiring about your recovery."
"Thanks, Kelly. I'm on my way to speak with the Council now. I'll check my messages when I return." Jane smiled at the yeoman.
"Of course, Commander." Kelly retreated back to her station, clearly content in her oblivion.
The elevator opened behind Jane, and she glanced over her shoulder to see Samara. Samara stepped out and started toward the airlock, Jane falling into step next to her. Samara smiled serenely at Jane and nodded her head to James. Jane didn't just want Samara with her to manipulate Tevos, thought that was certainly fun to watch, she wanted Samara with her because she knew Samara could be trusted. If push came to shove, Samara would still sedate Jane because it is what Dawn would have wanted and what was expected of her as a member of the Normandy crew. Samara wouldn't jump the gun on it though, not after their little talk in Dawn's head.
Together, they left the Normandy and made their way through the Citadel to the Presidium and up to Anderson's office. Rebecca waved Shepard through telling her that the Council was waiting for her. The guards stationed outside of Anderson's door were the same as the day before, they didn't bat an eye at Jane and her entourage this time, letting them by without a word.
Jane grinned when she saw Anderson standing across the room in front of the three holographic projections of the rest of the council. Anderson turned to the sound of her entering and nodded his head, a stern look creasing his worn features.
He held his arm out toward her. "Here she is now."
The images of the councilors turned to look. Tevos stood up a little straighter, her smile widening to comical lengths. Jane crossed to the back and snapped a salute to Anderson before turning to do the same to the rest of the Council. James and Samara lingered a few feet behind her. Anderson dismissed the guards that were stationed inside his office, stating the need for privacy for the Council meeting.
"Councilors, I apologize for the delay. I came as soon as I was cleared to leave medical." Jane tucked her hands behind her back.
"Of course, there is no need to apologize. We are pleased to see that you did not sustain serious injuries, Commander Shepard, and you are to be commended for your swift actions that saved both Councilor Anderson and Councilor Sparatus' lives." Tevos folded her hands in front of her. "However, Commander, that is not what we wished to speak with you about this morning."
"We need to discuss your decision to publicly speak about The Dissension, Commander." The salarian councilor frowned as he settled his gaze on her.
"With all due respect, Councilor, I said nothing in that interview that wasn't clearly stated to be a matter of personal opinion or wasn't already made publicly available." Jane managed to fight back the smug smile that wanted to break through, reminding herself that she was supposed to be on her best behavior.
Valern sniffed. "That very well may be, Commander, but as a Council Spectre, you are expected to remember that you represent the Council. When you speak, even when declaring it your own opinion, it will be viewed by the masses as the opinion of the Council."
"The Council has decided that it would be prudent to issue a statement about your interview." Anderson turned to face Jane with a carefully crafted expression of neutrality.
Jane raised an eyebrow. "The Council plans to disavow my interview?" She jerked her gaze back to Valern. "How will that look to the masses?"
"We will issue a simple statement reminding the public of the Council's stance on the matter as it stands, and make it clear that we neither agree nor disagree with your summation of events." Tevos held a placating hand out as she spoke.
Jane turned her attention to Quentius. The turian acting councilor fluttered his mandibles in response. Jane's head cocked to the side as she read his expression, coming to the conclusion that he wasn't a fan of the idea.
"What exactly has been the public response, if I may ask?" Jane crossed her arms over her chest.
"It's difficult to say just yet, Commander, but it appears that your interview has left quite the impression, at least here on the Citadel." Quentius gave a slight nod of his head. "C-Sec reports that there hasn't been a significant decrease in the rates of human-turian crime, but there have been more reports of civilians of both species stepping in to restore the peace."
"If the results have been positive, I fail to understand why the Council would wish to try and sweep the interview under the rug." Jane glanced between Valern and Tevos, her jaw flexing a staccato rhythm making her face ache.
"It's simply too soon to know how this interview will truly affect things, Commander Shepard." Tevos gave Jane a sympathetic smile. "It's not that we wish to sweep your interview under the rug, or even that we disagree with what you've said. It is merely that we as the Council must maintain our position on the matter until we know more about The Dissension and precisely what threat they pose." Tevos looked past Jane to where Samara stood. "I'm sure you understand."
"Just like the reapers, isn't that right, Councilor? That's how the Council handles everything. Deny, refute, and then plead for help when all else fails." John's disgust resonated with Jane's.
Anderson cleared his throat, drawing Jane's attention back to him. "Considering the timing of the attack last night, there might be reason to believe that The Dissension were spurred into action by your interview."
"Sir, are you saying that I'm to blame for last night's events?" Jane asked, her eyes wide in shock.
"That'll tear Dawn up to hear. I pray they're wrong, or at least The Dissension never make it clear that's why they chose to attack Sparatus," John said.
"Of course not, Commander, you couldn't have anticipated such a reaction," Tevos spoke urgently. "We are merely saying that The Dissension may have decided to make the attempt on Councilor Sparatus' life as a response to your interview.
"Yeah … yeah we could have if Dawn had taken the time to think this thing through. The fact that Sparatus is still alive because I saved him is the only reason you're not stringing my ass up in the middle of the Presidium for the locals to throw stones," Jane thought, the sentiment begrudgingly echoed back to her from John.
"That sounds like blame to me." Jane jerked her head to the side, a sneer fighting to form on her face.
"Shepard." Anderson's tone was low and filled with warning.
"Be that as it may, Commander, it is the decision of this Council that we will issue a public statement declaring our position." Tevos frowned. "Considering this is not the first time you have released a statement without communicating with us prior, we now insist that you cease from any further statements unless you have been cleared to do so by the Council. Thank you for your time, Commander."
"Censorship at its finest. I guess those privileges are only awarded to civilians." Jane laughed, turning to Anderson. "Feels almost like being back in the Alliance, doesn't it, sir?"
Anderson stifled a laugh, the corners of his lips twitching. The meeting was brought to a close, the holograms of Tevos and Valern winking out of existence. Jane raised an eyebrow when the image of Quentius remained.
"Is there something I can do for you, Acting Councilor Quentius?" Anderson asked.
"I was hoping to have a moment of the commander's time, unofficially." Quentius tucked his hands behind his back, flaring his mandibles in question.
"Of course, sir." Jane stepped closer to the holographic display. "What can I do for you?"
"I've been asked by the Primarch to pass on his gratitude for your display. The Hierarchy believes, despite what actions the Council takes, that your open support of the Hierarchy and attempts to appease the growing tension between our species will not be in vain." Quentius smiled. "Primarch Fedorian understands that you are currently engaged in solving this conflict with the collectors, but has asked that I extend to you an open invitation to meet with him in person. He would like to discuss among other things, your reports of Sovereign and the reaper threat."
"Jane … Jane you can't do that. At least not without conferring with Garrus and making a solid plan. You know that, right? This is a delicate situation, one that's new to all of us and Garrus is already upset with you. If you got talking to the Primarch … gods only know what you could mess up, even with the best of intentions." John coated his words with a soothing calm that he clearly didn't feel, bringing a smile to Jane's face.
"Care to use that as a bargaining chip, John?" Jane thought.
"That's fantastic, sir. I would be honored to meet with the Primarch. I will be in touch to set something up as soon as possible." Jane squared her shoulders, nodding her agreement.
"Don't be a fool, Jane," John said.
"I'm sure the Primarch will be pleased to hear that, Commander. I also thought you might like to know that the doctors treating Councilor Sparatus believe that he will make a full recovery." Quentius paused and glanced over his shoulder. A moment later another turian came into view briefly, passing the acting councilor a datapad.
"That gives the Council even less to be angry about, but that doesn't mean Sparatus isn't going to rake you over the coals for this," John said.
Quentius nodded his head but didn't look at the datapad, instead turning his attention back to Jane. "I have been told that your relationship with the Councilor has been tumultuous at best, but he has asked about you and I think he would like to speak with you. I've already cleared it with the rest of the Council and his security should you decide to visit his hospital room. I can send his location to your omni-tool."
"Thank you, sir, I'll do that." Jane opened her omni-tool to glance at the information as it came through.
"I saved his life, John. I'm sure that means something to the councilor," Jane thought with a smirk.
"It was a pleasure to meet you, Commander Shepard." Quentius fluttered his mandibles and dipped his head.
"The pleasure was mine, sir." Jane saluted the councilor, earning her a wry smile before his image disappeared.
Anderson and the others had moved down to Anderson's desk while Jane talked to Quentius. Jane made her way to them; stopping next to Anderson she put a hand on his shoulder. He turned to her with that old familiar smile that somehow managed to both warm her heart and fill it with sorrow at the same time. Images of Anderson slouched against the dais, bleeding out on the Citadel filled Jane's mind. She shook them off and returned Anderson's smile.
"We need to talk, sir." Jane gave the councilor's shoulder a gentle squeeze.
"It's not as bad as you think, Shepard." Anderson gestured to the chairs on the opposite side of his desk.
"That's not what I meant, Anderson." Jane moved to take a seat. "But you might want to sit down for this."
"What is it, Shepard? What's wrong?" Anderson pulled out his chair and sat down.
Jane scratched her head before rubbing the back of her neck. "My entire squad now knows my little secret, Anderson. Well, I suppose it was never a 'little' secret."
"Jane, what are you doing?! Dawn kept this from him for a reason. Gods, you really are insane, aren't you?" John pounded against the barrier that kept Jane firmly in control.
"Have a little faith, John," Jane thought.
"They do?" Anderson leaned back in his chair, his eyes flicking to James and Samara.
Jane leaned forward, resting an elbow on his desk. "Miranda felt it was necessary to inform the entire squad, but not the Cerberus crew, of my … condition and Dr. Chakwas agreed to let it happen."
Anderson's brow furrowed. "Why would Dr. Chakwas make that call?"
"Don't do this, Jane. Dawn will never forgive you," John said.
"For their safety." Jane shrugged and then held the back of one hand to her mouth so she could stage whisper. "Apparently, I'm not very stable."
"Commander, I'm afraid I don't understand what you're saying. What happened?" Anderson leaned forward, his eyes locking on hers.
"Dawn's in a coma, Anderson." Jane hopped to her feet and snapped a salute. "Commander Jane Shepard reporting for duty, sir."
"Damn you!" John roared in anger before retreating to the recesses of Jane's mind.
Anderson stared up at Jane for a few seconds before slowly pushing his chair away from the desk and rising to his feet. "How did this happen, Jane?"
"After leaving your apartment last night, we were caught in a secondary explosion. We took a hard hit, and she was knocked out. Just before losing consciousness, she asked me to save the councilor, so I did. Problem is she isn't regaining consciousness." Jane moved away from the desk to pace the office. "Dawn didn't want you to know that I've been able to step in for her like this. Mostly because everyone thinks I'm crazy and she figured if you knew then you might feel obligated to lock us up."
Anderson grunted softly, his eyes tracking her movements. "So why are you volunteering this information now?"
"Because I've given it some thought, and I think that you'll realize that come hell or high water, the galaxy is better off with me left to do my job, sir." Jane came to a stop in front of Anderson. "And because although it probably hasn't occurred to him yet, Lieutenant Vega will soon realize that this might be the type of thing he ought to mention in his next report to the Alliance. I don't think any of us want that, sir."
James cursed softly in Spanish, the words not quite loud enough for Jane to make out. She glanced at him to see him rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head. He looked up, meeting her gaze and frowned.
Jane smiled and made her way over to James, patting his shoulder. "It's alright, James. I'm the one who gave the doc the greenlight to tell the team. It was better than staying locked up in the med bay indefinitely."
"Dr. Chakwas believes you pose a risk to the safety of the crew but she's allowed you off the Normandy?" Anderson rubbed his jaw, looking like he'd just taken a punch.
"I may have said and done a few things that would give her cause for alarm, yes. But I swear my goals are in line with the best interest of the galaxy, sir. I want to take down the collectors and the reapers. I just want to do my job, Anderson." Jane moved back to the chair and sat down. "Dr. Chakwas realizes that, and with Dawn out of commission … ."
"That leaves you." Anderson said, sitting back down himself. "What exactly did you do to make her believe you might be a threat to the crew?"
Jane shrugged her shoulder. "I shot Garrus."
Anderson's eyebrows rose so high they nearly met his hairline. "You shot Garrus Vakarian?"
"I didn't actually mean to, and I told him I was sorry. He hates me anyway. Wants the doc to find a way to kill me, actually." Jane dropped her gaze to the desk, waring with the conflicting emotions thinking of Garrus brought to mind.
"How did you accidentally shoot Vakarian?" Anderson asked.
"It just grazed him, really. He's being a big baby over it." Jane grinned, looking back up at Anderson.
"Answer the question, Commander. That's an order." Anderson's voice was gruff, leaving no room for argument.
Jane cringed under the words coming from Anderson. Just as she had the day he ordered her to cooperate with Dawn by allowing her full access to all memories, she felt an undeniable urge to do exactly as the man asked of her. She felt the weight of the compulsion echo back to her from every other Shepard locked away inside.
Her jaw clenched. "Yes sir. Mordin devised an implantable device to act as an IFF to confuse the collector's seeker swarms. I made my opposition to having the device implanted clear to Dawn, but she allowed us to be implanted anyway. I … didn't take it well, sir, when I could feel the device moving around at the back of our skull."
Jane pressed her head into the palms of her hands. "I panicked. I was able to force control over Dawn and locked myself in the head located in my cabin. I attempted to remove the device manually. EDI alerted Garrus that something was wrong, and when he arrived, EDI opened the door for him. I pulled my sidearm on Garrus and told him to stand down." Jane swallowed hard before continuing. "I needed to get that thing out of me. I had to, sir. Garrus thought he saw an opportunity and lunged. I pulled the trigger on reflex. I didn't mean to."
"In her defense, sir, I was implanted with one of those things when I joined the Normandy. It was, uh, creepy. Hell, I almost wanted to dig it out," James said.
"It was a rather unpleasant experience," Samara agreed.
Anderson ran a heavy hand over his face, tugging at his features. "I'm going to need to speak with Dr. Chakwas." He turned to James. "In the meantime, Lieutenant Vega, as a Council Spectre, Commander Shepard's personal affairs don't need to be reported to the Alliance. Are we clear?"
"Yes sir." James saluted Anderson, a relieved smile spreading over his face.
"You want me to have EDI patch you through to Dr. Chakwas?" Jane asked.
Anderson shook his head. "I'd rather speak with her privately. I'll call the Normandy after you leave."
"I won't hold you, then. I've got an injured councilor to check in on." Jane stood up and started to leave.
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Shepard?" Anderson's voice pulled her attention back to him.
"Don't worry, sir. I'll be on my best behavior. I handled talking to the Council, didn't I?" Jane held her palm up and shrugged a shoulder.
"I suppose you did. These two will be with you the whole time?" Anderson nodded his head at James and Samara.
"She's not leaving my sight, sir." James squared his shoulders and nodded his head.
"Alright, Shepard." Anderson nodded before a smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "Just don't forget he's injured, try to take it easy on him."
"That an order, sir?" Jane grinned when Anderson laughed and shook his head.
She started to leave again but hesitated. She didn't know when Dawn would wake up again, which meant if she didn't say what she most wanted to say to Anderson now, she might not get another chance.
Jane swallowed and turned back to Anderson again. "I know you don't have much reason to trust me, sir, but if it comes time to use the Hail Mary … damn it, don't go into that beam. Don't make me watch you die again, Anderson." Jane couldn't fight the sudden welling of tears or the hoarse sound of her voice. "Please, sir."
"Mmm." Anderson stood and crossed the floor to rest a hand on Jane's shoulder. "I hope that you're—that Dawn is able to keep us from ever reaching that point. It was clear she wanted it to be the last resort. But I think we all know that when the time comes, as long as I'm still breathing there isn't any other place I'd be than at her side doing what needs to be done."
Jane swallowed and nodded her head. "Yes sir."
Anderson patted her shoulder before brushing a tear from her cheek. "You're strong enough to handle this, Shepard. Don't forget that."
"Yes sir." Jane sniffled. "I should go."
She couldn't stand the sight of the look of pity Anderson gave her, but she forced herself to smile at him once more before she turned and walked out of the office. She'd find a way to save Anderson, even if it meant having to go through it all again. If Dawn could change as much as she did, letting so many people die—Kaidan, Ashley, Liara—then she damn well could change things enough to save just one. If Grundan Krul and others from Archangel's team could live, then so could Anderson.
Jane sniffled again and shook her head. She could feel James and Samara's eyes on her wary and watching, waiting to see if she was going to hold it together or do something that might force them to sedate her. Jane squared her shoulders and walked back out onto the Presidium.
She used the Citadel rapid transit to get to Huerta Memorial Hospital. Jane noted with disinterest that they'd placed the councilor in the same room that Ashley and Kaidan always occupied after being nearly beaten to death. Guards stationed outside of his room—all asari commandos—parted to allow Jane entrance.
Scaffolding held Sparatus broken body in traction, half suspended above the bed. His head and neck held stable, he was unable to turn to her when the door opened. Instead, his mandibles flared and he scented the air.
"It's Commander Shepard, Councilor. May we come in?" Jane hesitated in the doorway.
"Shepard. Yes, come in, please." Sparatus' voice sounded strained, his vocal chords dry.
Jane walked over to the bed where he could see her and poured water from a pitcher on the bedside table into a glass. "Water, sir?"
Jane watched, fighting back amusement as Sparatus' features shifted from indignation to resignation.
"That's not your job, Shepard." Sparatus hesitated, his mandibles flared. "But since there doesn't seem to be a nurse around when I need them, yes, if you don't mind."
Jane held the curved lip of the cup to Sparatus' mouth and tipped it just enough for some of the water to trickle through the plates. She waited, giving him the chance to swallow before offering more. When he was sated, she put the glass back on the table.
Unsure of what to say to her least favorite councilor, Jane tucked her hands behind her back and waited. James shifted restlessly behind her while Samara stood as still as a statue, her gaze fixed on a small painting hanging above the bed.
"You saved my life last night, Shepard." Sparatus fluttered his mandibles, seeming disgusted by the taste of the words in his mouth.
"It's my job, sir." Jane gave a brisk nod of her head. "I was in Anderson's apartment when the first explosion happened. He informed me of your whereabouts, so I sent some of my team with his guards to escort him to safety and took the rest to provide you aid."
Sparatus' mandibles flared, his brow plates dipping low. "The Dissension?"
"Yes sir, and considering they had explosives rigged to your door, I believe you were their target, sir," Jane said.
"And why do you suppose that is, Shepard?" The sharp flick of his mandibles complimented the biting tone of his voice.
"Sir, if you wish to blame me for your attack you're too late. The Council already did that. Indirectly, of course." Jane grimaced. "They'll be releasing an official statement declaring that my opinions in the interview do not necessarily reflect that of the Council."
Sparatus' brow plates quirked. "Of course."
They watched each other quietly for a moment, the silence only broken by the soft beeping of the various machines hooked up to the councilor.
"Why defend me, Shepard?" Sparatus flared his mandibles, his voice low and strained.
"Sir?" Jane cocked her head to the side, her eyebrows raised in question.
"It's no secret we're not very fond of one another, Commander. Surely your life would be easier without me on the Council. Why go out of your way to defend me in such a public forum?" He broke eye contact with Jane for the first time since she set down the glass of water.
"Because I believed you were telling the truth and because I thought it would help keep the peace." Jane bit the inside of her cheek, choking on the words she knew Dawn would say next. "I didn't anticipate that they would target you. I apologize if my actions encouraged their attack. It certainly wasn't my intent."
The door slid open and a salarian doctor walked in, moving to check the machine readouts. Jane turned to the door, motioning to the others that it was time to leave.
"I'm retiring, Shepard." Sparatus drew Jane's attention back to him. "It's time I return to Palaven."
Jane moved back where Sparatus could see her. "That's surprising news, Councilor. I never imagined you'd give up your seat on the Council so easily." Jane's brow furrowed in contemplation. "The doctors said you're going to make a full recovery, and you have to know the charges will be cleared. Why leave?"
"Let's just say that I'm finally taking your warnings to heart. I want to make sure my people are prepared for what's to come, and I don't think I can do that through the red tape of the Council." Sparatus' voice took on a sardonic tone. "We certainly haven't made it easy for you."
Jane smirked. "No, you certainly haven't. Have you told the Council yet?"
His mandibles fluttered and he smiled for the first time Jane could ever recall. "I wanted you to be the first to know."
Jane laughed and nodded her head. "Thank you, sir. For what it's worth, I believe Acting Councilor Quentius will make a fine replacement. Get well soon, Sparatus."
"Good luck out there, Shepard." Sparatus turned his attention back to the salarian now poking and prodding him.