A/N: Well, I did something a little different with this chapter. I hope it reads alright for you, and you don't mind. I had several pages written but it wasn't feeling right to me so I scrapped it and started over. This chapter skips through time, focusing on brief conversations between Jane and the various crew members. There was a certain feeling of vagueness that I was missing out on, a blurring of time as the days passed that Jane feels while stuck aboard the Normandy. I think that the changes I made help to capture it better.

Chapter 34: Buying Time

"Anderson! I didn't expect to see you here, sir." Jane stopped just inside the med bay door.

Dr. Chakwas, Miranda, Garrus, and Anderson all turned to face Jane. The pinched, tight lipped expression on Dr. Chakwas face made the hairs on the back of Jane's neck raise. Garrus crossed his arms over his chest, his mandibles flush against his jaw. Miranda shifted her gaze to a datapad in her hand while Anderson locked eyes with Jane. "Shepard, you're back, good. I thought it was best if I have this conversation with Dr. Chakwas in person."

"I told you. You should have kept your mouth shut." She expected smugness, but instead the only thing Jane felt from John was dread.

"I see. I'll come back later, sir." Jane turned back to the door. She could still get off the Normandy, find a place to lay low on the Citadel until she could get on a shuttle and … and … and what?

"You can't run. If we lose the Normandy, and Anderson's support we'll never see the front lines of the war." John pushed at Jane's resolve. "We'll end up just another casualty when the reapers come. Die in some backwoods shack on some random colony or end up in prison instead of just a padded room. At least this way, there's a chance we can pull it together enough to still save the galaxy." He found the crack, the sliver of doubt and pushed at it. "We can still work together on this, Jane. It's not too late. The damage you've done can still be fixed. We can work together, get Dawn back in the game, and find a way to beat this thing."

"No, Shepard. We're done here, and I've made my decision." Anderson moved to stand in front of Shepard, Garrus at his side.

Jane's heart began to race; she could feel the walls closing in on her. She turned back around to fully face Anderson, cringing when she saw the look on his face. She'd seen that look before, and nothing good ever came of it. She'd made a mistake; a miscalculation in outing herself to Anderson and it was about to cost her everything. She was so sure; so, so sure she could trust him to let her do what needed to be done.

"Commander Shepard, please relinquish your weapons to Lieutenant Vega. You won't be needing them." The tone in Anderson's voice told her it wasn't really a request.

Jane's hands closed into fists at her side. She opened her mouth to speak but found her mouth bone dry. She licked her lips, working up the moisture she needed and tried again. "Sir?"

"Just listen to him, Jane. It's Anderson. Even if you were willing to barrel through everyone on this ship to get out of here, you couldn't make it. EDI would shut down the elevators, lock out the emergency stairs. You'd have nowhere to go," John said.

"Commander, I can't in good conscious allow you to be armed or leave the Normandy unless absolutely necessary." Anderson squared his shoulders, his voice lacking even the faintest hint of regret.

"Not leave the Normandy … that's good, that means he isn't taking us in. Not yet at least," John said.

"With all due respect, sir. I don't think—." Jane thought that he just didn't understand. If she could just get him to see why it was necessary for her to stay on the mission he would change his mind.

"That's an order, Commander." There was that regret, just a hint of it seeping in through the edges of his gravelly voice and dulling the golden-brown of his eyes.

Jane clenched her jaw, her trembling hand flying to her forehead in salute. "Aye, aye, sir." The words forced their way through her throat, sounding tight and strangled. Jane reached for her pistol, and Garrus growled, low and deep. Jane's eyes jerked away from Anderson to stare down her best friend, the urge to follow through with Anderson's order pulsed in her veins.

"Calm, Jane. Just move nice and slow. Don't push Garrus, and don't force Anderson to change his mind." John tried to convey tranquility through their connection, but Jane could feel his jittery nerves.

James stepped up, resting his fingertips on the back of Jane's hand. "I got it, Commander." He removed her pistol from her holster when she dropped her hand to her side. He moved to her back, removing each of her weapons one by one and setting them aside to be gathered when he finished. "I'm sorry, Lola," James said, his voice little more than a breeze brushing across her neck.

"Commander, I am going to allow you to remain aboard the Normandy under the care of Dr. Chakwas. She has convinced me that if Dawn has any hope of making a full recovery, it is in her best interest that you be allowed to continue to … occupy her body." Anderson cleared his throat. "And you were correct, the intel that you possess is vital in your mission against the collectors and the war against the reapers. That being said, you can provide your crew with all the intel they need from the safety of the Normandy while they continue on with the mission. I think you'll find the arrangement preferable to the alternative."

"Yes, sir." Jane dipped her head. Her jaw ached, her teeth threatening to crack beneath the pressure she put on them. Her heart ached even worse with the sting of betrayal.

"Ms. Lawson has informed me that there are a number of non-priority missions planned before your final assault on the collectors. I believe it is best that the Normandy attend to those in Dawn's absence, and your XO agrees." Anderson put a hand on Jane's shoulder, forcing her gaze back to his. "I know you're not happy about this, Commander. I hope that you can see that this is the best that I can do for you. This arrangement will only work so long as you cooperate. This will all stay off the record; remain unofficial so long as you don't force my hand. Listen to Dr. Chakwas, she's trying to help you."

Jane lay with her head hanging off the foot of her bed, her arms thrown out to the side. "I don't understand why I wasn't allowed to go." She blew her breath out in a heavy gust.

"Because you're fucking psycho. God damn, will you stop whining? It's not like I want to be in here babysitting you so you don't go all Jolly Jane on the crew." Jack flipped her knife up into the air, watching it spin three times before it landed back in her palm. She sat on the couch, legs spread wide with her elbows braced on her knees.

"Jolly Jane?" Jane rolled over to her stomach, pushing up on her elbows to rest her chin in her palms. Her feet kicked back and forth behind her as she let out a puff of air, sending her bangs fluttering.

"Jolly Jane. She was a serial killer in the early nineteen-hundreds or some shit." Jack shrugged and tossed the knife again. "Fuck if I know. The point is, you got yourself into this mess so there's no point in bitching."

"You really think I'm psycho, Jack? I thought you of all people might be a little more understanding." Jane raised an eyebrow and watched as the biotic twirled the knife around in her fingertips. "You know what it's like to be held prisoner. You know what it's like to be tortured by Cerberus. Did they tell you that? In their little summit? That while Miranda was slicing and dicing up Dawn, I was awake and felt it all? I was screaming in agony but Miranda just kept cutting and scrapping, drilling away at me like it didn't even matter."

"If you're trying to convince me that Miranda's a bitch, don't bother. I've never been her fan. But yeah, you're fucking psycho, even if that part isn't your fault." Jack grinned. "I mean, I've been called crazy a time or two, but you … you cut a hole in your head and went digging around inside." Jack laughed and shook her head. "That's hardcore crazy right there. Then you shot Garrus, the one person on this ship who I actually like besides Alliance, so yeah, don't expect any compassion from me." Jack stood up and made her way up the stairs to tap on Spike's tank. "Besides, I'm not really convinced that you are what they say you are. Sounds a lot to me like you've just got split personalities or something. Maybe Alliance just needs to self-medicate. I bet between Mordin and Dr. Chakwas you can find some good shit on this ship."

Jane snorted and rolled back over again, watching the upside down Jack pull the chair over to the snake tank and reach inside. She hoped Spike bit Jack, but he didn't, instead he crawled up her arm and let her take him out of his cozy habitat. John grumbled at Jane in the back of her mind, his attention firmly fixed on Jack's every movement.

She wasn't going to waste her breath trying to prove to Jack that she was something more than a figment of Dawn's damaged psyche. Instead, she decided to argue her case a little more because it wasn't like she had anything better to do. "But I mean, what harm could I really do helping Kasumi break into Dickhead Donavan Hock's vault? I already know exactly what she needs to do to get inside, and what she's going to face on her way out." And of course, she was required to inform Kasumi of every last detail. In the end, Miranda and James accompanied her.

Jack sauntered down the stairs again with Spike wrapped around her neck and trailing down her arms. "How the hell am I supposed to know? Better yet, why do you even fucking care? So what if you don't get to go shoot people this time? Most of us go weeks without getting off this damn ship while you're out having fun." Jack sat down again, holding Spike's head up even with her eyes, letting his tongue flicker out against her nose. "Shit, kick back and relax. It should be a damn vacation for you."

Jane rolled her eyes. John continued to observe in silence, salivating over Jack's every word. It gave Jane a smug sense of satisfaction knowing that Jack didn't even believe that he was real. "Did they tell you that there were times I was a man?"

"Don't, Jane. There's no point in that, all you're going to do is piss her off for trying to mess with her head." John growled, his anxiety leaking through to Jane.

Jack focused on Jane, looking past Spike. "Nope, didn't say. Don't care."

Jane rolled over and sat up, dangling her feet over the edge of the bed. She stared at Jack for a moment before getting up and crossing to the other section of the couch. Jack pretended that she wasn't watching Jane's every move; that she wasn't intimidated or worried in the slightest but Jane could feel the tension in the air when she sat down a few feet away. "One of them was named John."

"Jane, seriously. Leave her the hell alone." John's tone took on a threatening edge, bringing a smile to Jane's face.

"Fuck if you're going to keep talking I'm going to need a drink." Jack got up and crossed over to the liquor cabinet, putting some distance between herself and Jane.

Jane turned to face her as she walked away. "Don't you need to be sober to make sure I don't go all 'Jolly Jane'?"

"Please. They took all your weapons away and locked them up in the armory." Jack popped the top of a bottle of vodka Dawn kept in the back just for Jack and paused to finish her statement with the bottle an inch from her lips. "You're unarmed, and I can't even get drunk enough that I can't put you through the wall with my biotics alone."

Jane waited for Jack to start drinking before speaking again, her voice a warm, sultry purr. "Oh, I'd never hurt you, Jack. John simply wouldn't allow it; you're the love of his life. Even now he's filling my mind with images of you stripped down, squirming beneath him."

"Go to hell, Jane. Just go to fucking hell." John battered against the barrier keeping him out, futilely raging against Jane.

Jane was disappointed. She expected some sort of rise out of Jack, for her to cough and spew vodka all over the room or something. Instead, Jack gave her nothing but a cocked eyebrow and took another drink. "Aw, come on! You're not nearly as much fun as I expected."

"And you're not nearly as good at fucking with people as you think you are. That was child's play." Jack grinned and leaned against the liquor cabinet.

"So you don't want to make out? You can always pretend I'm John." Jane grinned. "Or Dawn, if you'd rather. You sure didn't have any problem sticking your tongue down her throat."

"Don't you fucking touch her, Jane. I swear I will find a way to tear you limb from limb if you lay one finger on her." John seethed, his anger bitter on Jane's tongue.

"Jack, Zaeed is on his way to relieve you," EDI said.

"About fucking time." Jack put the lid back on the bottle and made her way up the stairs to put Spike back in his tank, glaring at Jane as she went.

Jane followed her up, smiling to herself as she leaned against the wall. The door opened a minute later and Zaeed walked in, stopping to take in the luxury of the cabin for the first time. Jack stepped down from the chair and rolled it back over to the desk before heading to the door.

"Going back down to your little hidey-hole, Jack?" Jane asked.

Jack stopped in the doorway and turned back to Jane, putting her hands on the wall on either side of Jane's head before leaning in real close. Jane arched an eyebrow as Jack put her lips next to her ears and whispered. "I don't know. I thought I might go ride Garrus' cock while he tells me all about how badly he wants to dig his talons into your eye sockets." Jack pushed away, meeting Jane's fiery glare with a smirk before leaving the cabin.

"Tell me about Vido." Zaeed leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands hanging limply between his legs. "Tell me I get that sonofabitch."

Jane let out a heavy sigh and pushed herself up from the bed, crossing over to the liquor cabinet. As soon as Kasumi and the others were back, they'd be heading to Zorya where she would be left behind while Zaeed took a team in to fight Vido Santiago. She hated being left behind.

Jane pulled out the bottle of vodka and a couple of tumblers before going to sit down next to Zaeed on the couch. She wasn't particularly fond of Vodka, but she'd drain the bottle if it meant it wasn't there for Jack later. He didn't flinch or move away from her the way Jack had, and that meant something to her. Then again, there wasn't much that could shake Zaeed Massani.

Jane poured them both a drink and then sat back with her glass, propping her feet up on the coffee table. "I've yet to see you catch him. I'm sorry." Zaeed turned at the waist to stare at her, and she took a sip of her drink. "Doesn't mean you won't this time. I can't tell you what you need to do, but I can tell you what's happened before." Jane lifted her shoulder in a shrug. "Maybe you can try something different this time."

Jane sat down across from Grundan Krul, elbows on the table; she rested her chin in her palms. Miranda was leading a team through the Eclipse base on Lorek. Thanks to Jane's intel, they already knew the Cerberus operative, Rawlings, that the Illusive Man wanted them to save was dead. Miranda wanted that intel for herself, though. If she was going to take over Cerberus, she wanted whatever edge she could find. Plus, it would make the Illusive Man happy to see that they were working on something he'd asked them to do.

Grundan Krul watched her with all four of his eyes, silently drinking his coffee. Jane glanced at the carafe sitting next to him. "May I?"

Grundan Krul took another drink before giving a slight nod of his head. Jane left the table, feeling his eyes follow her as she fetched a mug from the kitchen area and returned to the table. She filled her mug, breathing in the rich aroma. "You don't like me much, do you?" She took a sip and sighed appreciatively before setting the mug back on the table.

"Don't know you." Grundan Krul bent his elbows, holding the mug between his hands in front of his face.

Jane smirked. "Fair enough. I don't really know you, either. I never had the pleasure of meeting you before this time. You were always dead before I got to Garrus." Jane watched his face, but his expression didn't change. "Did he tell you about that, yet? Tell you that if Dawn hadn't warned him about Sidonis everyone on his team would be dead, and he would've taken a rocket to the face." Jane shrugged. "He'd have lived, of course, but man was his face scarred all to hell."

"He told me." Grundan Krul tipped his mug back, draining it before filling it up again.

Jane sat on the couch in the starboard observation. Samara sat on the floor a few feet away, surrounded by a blue glow. Miranda was working on recovering Cerberus' Project Firewalker. Jane suspected that was more from Garrus' influence than any interest Miranda might have in the vehicle itself. It was good though, they'd need the Hammerhead to save David Archer and that was one mission Jane definitely didn't want to see neglected.

"You misunderstand." Samara let the energy around her die down and turned her eyes to Jane. "I swore my oath to the one called Dawn. I will uphold that oath, and I believe her wishes were made clear to me. Should you do anything that would endanger yourself or anyone else aboard the Normandy; I will do as I must. It is as Shepard would ask of me."

"You swore an oath to me, too." Jane crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap, the muscles in her back and shoulders tightening.

"I did not." Samara stood and crossed over to the observatory window. "I am not the Justicar that swore an oath to you. Either she no longer exists, or exists in another reality. I owe you no allegiance, even if I am appreciative of the information you have provided me." Samara dropped her gaze to the tips of her red leather boots. "And for killing my daughter."

Miranda left Legion behind after hearing about David's ability to control the geth. Jane assured her that Legion would be fine, but Miranda didn't trust that Jane was telling the truth. It was reassuring though, to see the fury in Miranda's eyes when Jane told her about what Cerberus had done to David in their Project Overlord.

"Shepard-Commander, we have been told that one of your programs is failing." Legion stood in front of Jane, drawing her attention back to him. The plating around his optics fluttering in mimicked concern. "EDI informs us that were it not for running multiple programs; your platform would also now be failing."

"Ah yeah, the uh … primary program, Dawn, that normally has control over our platform is comatose." Jane scratched her temple. "There's a chance that she might regain consciousness, though."

"We do not understand, Shepard-Commander. Are you unable to reach a consensus on whether to repair or terminate the faulty program, Dawn?" Legion opened his optic plates wide, scratching at the side of a plate.

Jane thought Miranda was just trying to buy time now, desperately hoping that Dawn would wake up soon and take back the reins. Not that Jane thought it was wrong of her to go out of her way to keep the MSV Broken Arrow from crashing into a planet, but it just didn't seem like it was on the top of Miranda's to do list. At least she trusted Jane enough to take Legion along for the ride this time. His skills would come in handy while fighting off the geth. Grunt was less than thrilled that he wasn't chosen, and he seemed determined to make Jane pay for his guard duty.

"You're not Shepard. If we were in Okeer's lab, you would be flushed from your tank and sent out to Jedore's men for target practice. On Tuchanka, you would be taken out to the ruins and left to die. You're not Shepard." Grunt lifted his lip in a snarl of disgust.

"Gee, Grunt. And to think I helped you kill a thresher maw and find a clan of your own." Jane crossed her arms and leaned against the metal railing across from Grunt. "You know, that wasn't even the first thresher maw I took down. Of course, the maws were nothing next to the reapers."

"And here you are now sniveling like a baby suckling at your mother's teat because no one likes you. They don't need to like you, they need to fear and respect you. But your mind is broken and you're weak. There's nothing to fear. Nothing to respect." Grunt shook his head and adjusted his grip on his assault rifle.

Grundan Krul had gotten word on the location of his father's old ship. It seemed his crew didn't let a little thing like their captain being killed keep them from carrying on with their important work of harvesting people to be sold into slavery. He'd gone to Garrus with the news, who then took it straight to Miranda. Miranda agreed to help Grundan Krul sabotage the ship with explosives. Jack was more than happy to help, but of course, Jane was left behind.

They didn't even tell her about the mission. Since Jane never dealt with Grundan Krul in her life, she didn't have anything that she could tell them about the ship and what they might face. It was Kasumi who had spilled the beans when she came in to replace Zaeed for guard duty. Jane hadn't seen much of the thief since she broke into Hock's vault. This was, surprisingly, the first time she'd actually been assigned to guard Jane.

Kasumi paced circles around Jane, her finger tapping against her lower lip. "It's funny. When Dr. Chakwas and Miranda told us about you … I guess I thought you'd look different somehow." She stopped in front of Jane, just outside of arms reach. "It's kinda creepy. I'm still having trouble believing all of this. But you were right, eerily on the mark about Donavan Hock." Kasumi lifted her shoulders and gave a slight shake of her head. "I don't know how else to explain it."

"I'm sorry, Shepard. Orders have been given that you refrain from entering the cockpit at Jeff's request until you are cleared for active duty. Jeff is concerned that you pose a security risk, and the cockpit must be protected." EDI's hologram floated in front of Shepard, an intangible barricade blocking the entrance to the cockpit.

Joker didn't even turn in his chair to look at her. Jane could tell he was listening though, his hands had stopped moving over the controls, and he sat stiffly in his chair. "He doesn't want to see me." It was a question, but a statement of the painfully obvious. She saw Joker flinch at her words.

"They're afraid you'll try to steal the Normandy. Or maybe crash it into an asteroid. It's a reasonable precaution," John said.

"No it isn't!" Jane snapped, her thoughts a twisted snarl of wounded pride and grief. "I'd never do that. Joker requested it, not Miranda, and not Anderson. It's his way of telling me he doesn't want to see me."

"I am obligated to inform you that if you continue beyond this point, it will be seen as a hostile breech and I will be required to request that Legion subdue you." Jane thought EDI's voice sounded a little colder, a little more detached than usual.

"I see. That won't be necessary. Thank you, EDI." Jane turned and walked away, her head held high despite the tears stinging at her eyes, threatening to fall.

She had thought that she might be able to find some of that sense of tranquility Dawn found siting in the co-pilots chair, engaging in easy banter with Joker, but apparently she wasn't welcome. Garrus had brought them back to Omega. Something to do with one of his old team members, but no one would tell her anything more. Garrus didn't think it was something she needed to know about. Half the team had disappeared the second they docked with the station, leaving Jane to wander the ship with a geth guardian.

"I'm not exactly happy about this arrangement either, Commander." Miranda sat down at her desk and opened her laptop, glancing over to where Jane sat next to the window. "By all reports, you pose a far greater threat to me than I to you."

Jane snorted softly but didn't bother to respond. Instead, she tried to imagine a galaxy with Miranda the driving force behind a renovated Cerberus and a dead batarian wrapping the stole of the Shadow Broker around his shoulders. Could it work? Could Dawn actually be on to something with these plans?

Jane waved off Miranda now safely within the confines of life support under Thane's watchful gaze. Miranda was calling another meeting, of which she was not allowed to join. Thane stood a few feet from the door, hands tucked neatly behind his back as he dipped his head to Miranda. Miranda returned his nod before ducking back out of the door. Jane turned her attention back to Thane; he didn't move and didn't invite her to sit.

Jane cocked her eyebrow before brushing past the assassin to sit squarely in the middle of his table with her legs tucked under her. "So, how's Kolyat?"

Jane watched as Thane's head dropped, his shoulders rising and falling as he took in a deep breath. He pivoted, turning to face Jane. His eyebrows twitched when he found her sitting on the table. "Kolyat is well. He writes to me regularly. He is learning to be content on Kahje, and Rone has helped him find work."

Thane crossed the floor to stand next to the observation window, the brilliant blue of the drive core a halo behind him. Jane turned on the table to face him squarely, putting her palms out behind her and leaning back. "We haven't had much of a chance to talk yet. I figured you'd have some questions. Some insight or input. Or are you just waiting for the doctors to find a way to kill me too?"

"I—I don't think killing you is the wisest way to deal with your particular circumstances." Thane crossed his arms over his chest.

Jane pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, weighing his words and trying to find the hidden meaning she suspected was there. "Then what is the wisest way to deal with me? Teaching Dawn how to meditate me away?"

"No. I don't believe it would even be possible for her to meditate you away, as you say." Thane gestured at Jane before tucking his hand back beneath his arm. "I simply hope to give her the tools she needs to maintain control over herself and her situation. It's not meant to be a solution, but a means to prevent more drastic measures."

Jane smirked and leaned forward. "You didn't answer the first question."

"Indeed." Thane chuckled. "I think that you are a very troubled woman, Jane. Understandably so. Nevertheless, you have just as much right to live as anyone else."

Jane threw her head back, cynical laughter floating up to the ceiling to echo back at her. "A right to live? That's an interesting view for an assassin. Then again, you never did fail to surprise me with the way you saw things."

Thane watched her, his face stoic until she was done laughing. "I believe that you are part of a whole, not unlike what the drell call 'disconnected'. The trauma you endured—that all of you endured—through these cycles, and more recently with your experience while being revived has kept you … fragmented." Thane dropped his arms, tucking his hands behind his back once more and cleared his throat. "I believe that what is best is for you to find a way to make yourself whole again."

"Disconnected," Jane thought, mulling the idea over.

"Disconnected," John echoed.

Miranda sent Garrus and Jacob out with the Hammerhead to fight through rocket drones and take down the barrier surrounding prothean ruins on Kopis. Not that the artifacts they would recover would actually do them any good. It didn't matter though, no matter how much Jane insisted that one mission or another was relatively pointless, Miranda insisted that they check it out anyway. Jane was beginning to wonder if this was more about Miranda enjoying the power trip of being in command than it was about buying time for Dawn.

Lia wrung her hands nervously, watching Jane as she worked at her desk. Jane glanced over at her and smiled. "Relax, Lia. I'm not half as crazy as I'm sure they made me out to be. I'm not going snap and attack you … unless you give me a reason." Jane snorted and shook her head when the young quarian gasped. "I'm surprised they sent you in here by yourself."

"They didn't want to, but I insisted that I could handle myself." Lia lifted her head and squared her shoulders. "Plus, EDI is watching, too, so I'm not really by myself."

"Then why are you so nervous, kid?" Jane arched her eyebrow even as she turned her attention back to her laptop.

"I'm not nervous." Lia cleared her throat. "What makes you think I'm nervous?"

"You mean besides the fact that you're about to wear a hole through your suit if you keep rubbing your hands like that?" Jane clicked on the blinking message icon on her desktop.

Lia dropped her hands to her side. "Oh."

Jane opened a message from Tali, her eyes scanning the words as a toothy grin spread across her face. "EDI, patch me through to Miranda."

"Right away, Shepard," EDI said.

"How can I help you, Commander?" Miranda's voice filtered through the comm system.

"I've just received a message from Tali. She and Kal would like to rejoin the Normandy to help with the attack against the collectors." Jane leaned back in her chair and swiveled to watch the now obviously excited quarian. "I am certain it's what Dawn would want. She was planning an eventual trip to the Migrant Fleet anyway. She wanted to discuss a particular matter regarding Lia with the Admiralty Board."

"Commander, I … I don't disagree that Dawn would want them aboard, and I have no issues with them joining us. I will work them into our schedule. They will, of course, have to be informed of your current status and be warned of the potential danger you present. If I understand correctly, Tali was already informed of your existence, so I don't anticipate that being a problem for her." The weighted pause in Miranda's speech was enough to make Jane loose hope. "However, I can't allow you to engage in conversations with the Admiralty Board. Is this perhaps a conversation that I can have on your behalf?"

Jane scoffed. "No offense Miranda, but I think that would be even more foolish than if I went myself." Jane rocked her chair from side to side and took a deep breath. "But it is one that Garrus—as someone the quarians will recognize as having served with Tali on the old Normandy—might be able to pull off. I'll talk to him."

"Very well, Commander. Is that all?" Miranda asked.

"Yeah." Jane stood up from her desk. "Come on, Lia, we have a grouchy turian to talk to."

Dr. Chakwas rubbed an alcohol swab over Jane's arm. "Any changes? Signs that Dawn is regaining consciousness?" She tied a tourniquet around Jane's arm, using her omni-tool to locate the vein before sliding the needle into her skin.

"Nope. Nothing today either, doc." Jane closed her eyes against the bright overhead light.

"Hmmm. And what of the others?" Jane could hear the soft beep of Dr. Chakwas omni-tool as she waved it over her head and down her body.

"Same as usual. John's there, can't hear the others until I try to sleep," Jane said.

"Any unusual physical symptoms? Fatigue, joint stiffness, difficulty breathing?" Dr. Chakwas rattled off a list as Jane shook her head.

"You can sit up now, Commander." Dr. Chakwas returned to her desk chair, spinning it around to face Jane as she sat. "How are you handling things otherwise? I know that some of the crew have been less than accepting of you."

Jane sat up, letting her legs dangle over the foot of the bed and shrugged her shoulders. How was she handling things? She was bored out of her mind and being forced to face a crew that was divided on whether or not she should even be allowed to exist. "I'm good, doc. A little restless but good."

"I hear we'll be picking Tali and her friend, Kal, up in a few days. It will be good to see Tali again. Maybe having her around will help ease some of your restlessness, don't you think?" Dr. Chakwas warm smile didn't reach her eyes. Jane could tell she was really starting to worry that Dawn might not recover.

Jane wasn't surprised to realize that she was, too. She'd stopped trying to get to Dawn while her body slept. The voices that egged her on didn't like it. They didn't understand why Jane was suddenly resisting their guidance. The truth was, she was growing stronger the longer she spent in Dawn's body. The chaotic haze that surrounded her thoughts—the doubt, fear, and confusion—was starting to lift. She found herself able to think a little more clearly; see things a little more clearly and she knew that if Dawn never woke up, there was no way they'd win the war. There was no way they'd break the cycle. "Yeah, doc. It'll be great seeing Tali again."

She also knew that the moment Dawn woke up, she'd be trapped inside again, and she didn't think it would take very long for the voices to swallow her whole once more.

Miranda was off with a team following more leads left behind by Dr. Cayce from Project Firewalker. Jane wasn't even sure which mission she was on anymore. She'd given Miranda everything she could about Project Firewalker and stopped caring. Dawn was never going to wake up and Miranda was running out of things to do. Eventually, they were going to have to face the music and carry on with defeating the collectors. The question was, were they going to do it with or without Jane.

"I've never seen you look so skittish, Jacob." Jane put a forkful of what Gardner called spaghetti in her mouth. The operative sat across from her in the mess hall, his own plate in front of him, but he couldn't take his eyes off of her long enough to get the fork to his mouth.

"Sorry, Commander, but this … I didn't sign on for this. I mean, what am I even supposed to do with this?" Jacob finally looked away, managing to spear and twirl the long noodles on his fork.

"I alarm you more than the collectors?" Jane shook her head in disbelief. "Then Cerberus bringing a dead woman back to life? Then the shit your own father was up to?"

"No, that's not what I meant … I mean, you're supposed to be the commanding officer of this ship. You're supposed to be the problem solver … instead, you are the problem." Jacob shook his head. "I'm not trying to offend you, but you have to see how drastically this changes the mission parameters. If we can't even trust you to not cut open your own head, how can we trust you to lead this mission and stop the collectors? Stop the reapers?"

"Mordin, please." Jane rubbed her temples. "I don't know what else I can tell you. Can't we just talk about something else—anything else for a while?"

Mordin sniffed. "Last question. Dawn said initially pushed for change, then changed mind. Wanted things to go back to familiar patterns. Why?"

Finally, they were on their way to get Tali. Jane hoped desperately that having Tali back would help buffer some of the tension between her and Garrus. It was killing her to see him so closed off from her. She'd tried like hell to get him to soften up. She even apologized a million times while running him through Dawn's plan to reveal the geth's ability to speed up the immune process in quarians.

Not even Lia's normally infectious excitement broke through his wall. At least he was done threatening her every time he saw her, and this was the first time he hadn't argued his way out of guard duty. Although, Jane didn't think he was doing a very good job seeing as he kept his back to her eighty percent of the time.

"It's been more than a week, Jane." Garrus had never sounded so defeated to her before. "She's not coming back, is she?"

Jane sat on his cot tucked in the corner of the main battery. His flanging voice shocked her after the long hours of silence and angry glances. Jane sucked in a breath and shook her head slowly. "I don't know, Garrus. I'm sorry."

He chuffed, pressing his palms to the edge of his workbench to brace himself. He shook his head, his back still to her. "Are you, Jane? Are you really? I mean, isn't this what you wanted all along?"

Jane leaned forward, bracing her elbows on her knees. Her chest squeezed in around her heart, threatening to crush the life right out of her. When she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper but she knew he'd hear her. "I'm sorry it's hurting you. I know you don't believe me, but that's the last thing I ever wanted to do."

His distressed rumble echoed off the walls before he cut it off. His head dropped, making the spikes of his crest stand up like proud soldiers in the air. She wanted nothing more in that moment than to go to him and pull him to her so she could wrap her arms around him in solace. She knew it would only make things worse, though. There was no solace to be found for him in her embrace.

"I wish I could show you what it's like in there. Then maybe you'd understand why I've been so desperate to get out." Jane ran a hand through her hair before resting it on the back of her neck. "I know it wouldn't matter much to you, you'd still just want her back. But I just wish you could understand what I have to go through."

Garrus lifted his head but kept his back turned, his voice unsteady when he spoke. "I hate that you look like her. Sound like her. I hate … hmmm … I hate that you smell like her. It's like she's dead all over again, and I'm just being haunted by her memory every time I turn around." A sharp keen ripped through his throat, shifting to a growl as he slammed his hands down on the table. "And I'm forced to live with the person who killed her just so I can make sure she doesn't kill everyone else."

Tears welled up in Jane's eyes, spilling over in fat droplets to roll down her cheeks. "She's not dead, Garrus. She's just sleeping."