Chapter 37: Acclimatize

Shepard sat down the datapad and stood, stretching her arms above her head. She turned to see Thane and Garrus both looking up at her with concern in their eyes. Smiling at them reassuringly—even though she didn't feel the slightest bit reassured herself—she waved them off and made her way to the restroom.

Stopping in front of the sink, she splashed water on her face before pressing her palms into the counter. Leaning forward, she stared at her face in the mirror, unable to shake the feeling it just didn't look the way it was supposed to, even though she couldn't quite place any differences. Closing her eyes, she tried to pull up an image of her face from the last time she looked in the mirror, but instead of seeing herself, a flood of different people floated on the backs of her eyelids. A woman with cropped red hair and a pudgy face, another with skin as dark as hers was pale, a man with a scar cutting down across his face … so many faces, but none of them hers.

Shuddering, Shepard opened her eyes and ran her trembling fingers over her cheeks. Her rumbling stomach tore her attention away from the mirror, and she shook her head to push away the memories of other faces. Leaving the bathroom, she made her way back down the stairs, flashing another fake smile at Garrus and Thane. "I'm going down for breakfast. You two coming, or have you convinced yourselves I'll be fine while you get some sleep?"

Garrus fluttered his mandibles. "I could eat." Standing up, he wrapped a hand around her waist and pulled her closer to him. He pressed his mouth to hers, letting his tongue run over her lips until she opened them to return his kiss.

Shepard pulled back and chuckled. "Well, I'm not on the menu right now."

Garrus grinned at her, nuzzling into her neck. "Hmmm. I guess I'll grab something in the mess and maybe take a nap. I've got to make sure I'm up for dessert tonight." Garrus put his hands on her shoulders, pushing gently to turn her around to face Thane standing a few feet away. "Why don't you two take a minute to say hello. I'll head down and save us seats." He pressed his mouth to the back of her head and urged her forward.

All too aware the last time she was alone with Thane, she'd professed her love for him, refusing let him say anything in return before walking away. Smiling tentatively, she patted Garrus' hand as he pulled away from her, watching him as he moved past Thane and up the stairs before leaving the cabin.

Rubbing her palms over her thighs, she smiled at Thane. "Hello."

"Hello," he said with a chuckle, holding a hand out to her.

Shepard stepped forward, putting her hand in his, letting him pull her against his chest. Sliding her free hand along his arm, she rested it on his shoulder. Thane smiled at her, a sadness tugging at the corner of his eyes sent a sharp, twisting pain through Shepard's heart.

He brushed hair out of her face, pushing it behind her ear before resting his palm on her cheek. "I've missed you, Siha."

Shepard lifted the corner of her mouth in a half-smile. "I'd say I missed you, too, but it doesn't really feel like any time has passed for me." She squeezed his shoulder. "But I'm happy to be here with you now."

Thane leaned into her, brushing his lips across hers in a ghost of a kiss. Moving her hand up to cradle the back of his head, Shepard pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. Indulging her, he pressed his body flush against hers and slid his tongue into her mouth. Shepard's stomach rumbled again, loud enough for them both to here. She groaned and leaned back with a pout.

Thane chuckled and ran his hand over the crown of her head. He held her gaze for a moment, before tilting his head to the side in question. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"

Shepard forced a smile on her face and dipped her eyebrows. "How can anything be wrong when I've got you in my arms?"

Thane smirked but raised a brow ridge in challenge. "Siha …."

Laying her head on his chest, she sighed, suddenly deflated and weary. "I'm not ready to talk about it."

Stroking the back of her head in silence, Thane held her a little tighter. "Very well. When you're ready, I hope you'll come to me."

Shepard nodded her head against his chest. "I promise." Her stomach rumbled again, and they both chuckled. Shepard pulled away, turning to the stairs. "I'd better get something in there before it gets as loud as a thresher maw."

Thane latched on to her hand, tugging her back to him. Shepard smiled as she settled her gaze on his, leaning in to press her lips to his once more, savoring the tingle of his venom on her tongue.

Her breath caught in her throat at the intensity of his gaze when they separated. She started to ask him why he looked so serious, but he silenced her with a finger pressed to her lips. She quirked her eyebrows at him, but stayed quiet.

"I must confess; I began to fear you wouldn't wake up again." Thane dropped his eyes from hers and swallowed, letting his hand fall away from her mouth to take her other hand in his. "I allowed my faith to waiver. I must apologize to you."

Shepard shook her head. "Thane, that's not something you need to apologize for."

"No, not that." He lifted his head to look into her eyes. "You told me you loved me, and I allowed you to walk away without saying anything. So easily I forgot how quickly someone can be taken away from me."

Shepard opened her mouth to speak, and Thane shook his head.

"Please," he said, squeezing her hands, "allow me."

Shepard pursed her lips and nodded.

"I know I don't have much time left, but you should know what time I have is yours. The circumstances haven't been … ideal, but perhaps I've held myself back too much if you could believe for even a moment that my heart isn't fully yours, Siha." Thane lifted her hands to kiss them. "I love you."

Shepard eased her hands free from his to cup his face, brushing her thumbs over his cheekbones. She kissed him chastely before wrapping her arms around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. "I love you, too."

Thane squeezed her tighter, lifting her up on her tiptoes as he let out a shuddering breath. Tears flowed from Shepard's eyes, tracing their way down her cheeks before pooling on Thane's scales. She never should've gotten involved with either Thane or Garrus, even if she did love them both desperately. She was falling apart; losing herself, she could feel it, and it was only a matter of time before she broke completely. What would it do to them?

She scolded herself, reminding herself they both knew something was off with her before they got into a relationship with her, and it was their choice to make. Shepard pulled away from him when her stomach rumbled again.

Thane chuckled, taking her hand in his and leading her to the door. "Let's get you fed. We can't have thresher maws tearing you apart from the inside."

Shepard laughed and followed him into the elevator, feeling oddly less afraid of what she saw when she looked in the mirror, despite the ache in her chest. She pushed the button for the third deck and leaned back against the elevator wall, sliding closer to Thane until she could rest her head on his shoulder.

The doors opened on the third deck, and the sounds of her crew laughing reached her from the mess hall. Shepard took a deep breath, unsure if she was really ready to face everyone knowing her big secret was out. She hated that she didn't have a say in it; didn't get to make the choice and tell them herself. She didn't have any clue how any of them took the news; she was going in blind, and that more than anything else, gave her pause. Thane squeezed her hand reassuringly, and led her from the elevator, rounding the corner into the mess hall.

Silence fell as all eyes turned to Shepard; silverware halting midair, halfway to mouths hanging agape. Smiling despite the tension locking up the muscles in her shoulders, Shepard made her way to Garrus when he waved them over. Tali and Kal sat across from him, and Jack to his right. Thane urged her to sit, making his way to the counter to get them both something to eat. She settled in next to Garrus, her tension easing when the gathered crowd slowly resumed their quiet conversations.

Shepard tried to pretend she didn't feel the eyes on her, straightening her spine as she turned her attention to Tali. "Hey you!" With Tali firmly in her sights, a genuine smile spread across her face.

Tali crossed her arms on the table in front of her tray and leaned forward, her voice light and filled with concern. "Shepard, how are you feeling?"

"Uh, I'm good. Really." Shepard lifted a shoulder. "I feel well rested. Like I just took the galaxies longest catnap."

Jack snorted. "Good to have you back, Alliance."

Shepard leaned forward, glancing past Garrus to smile at Jack. "Thanks, Jack."

Grinning, Jack winked at Shepard before turning her attention back to her breakfast. Garrus hummed and leaned over, bumping his shoulder into Jack's affectionately. Shepard's eyebrow twitched, unused to seeing Garrus display affection publicly to anyone but her, let alone Jack accepting it so easily. It made her happy to see; a reminder that their lives went on without her. It struck her on a visceral level she didn't expect, a bittersweet pain squeezing the air out of her lungs, knowing they could and would go on without her.

"So, you don't remember anything from the last eleven days?" Tali shifted, leaning a little closer to Shepard, dropping her voice.

Shepard looked back to Tali, shaking her head. "No. Nothing. And Jane hasn't …." Shepard couldn't help but to glance over her shoulder, still feeling the weight of everyone's furtive glances. "She hasn't woken up yet. I think once she does, she'll fill in the gaps."

Tali lifted a hand to rest her chin on her palm. "Well … we'll just have to do the whole catching up thing again."

"Absolutely," Shepard said, grinning.

Thane returned to the table, settling a tray in front of Shepard before going to the mess counter to bring back his own. Sitting down next to her, he smiled at her warmly before digging into his own tray. Letting the chatter of the room surround her, she focused on filling the rumbling pit of her stomach. No matter how hard she tried, though, she couldn't shake the feeling of unease rolling off her crew in thick waves. The oatmeal, sweet with cinnamon and sugar a moment before, became tasteless and too thick for her to swallow.

"EDI?" Shepard said.

"Yes, Shepard?" EDI's voice came over the comm nearest her table.

"I want everyone in the communications room in fifteen." Shepard took two more bites for show before mumbling, "Excuse me." She stood, picking up her tray and taking it to Gardner before making her way to the elevator; everyone openly staring at her once more.

Shepard took the elevator up to the CIC, nodding her head at Kelly as the yeoman rattled off a list of things needing her attention. Out of habit more than anything else, she turned toward the tech labs as her chosen path to the comm room.

Mordin looked up when the door opened. "Ah, Shepard. Good, you're here." He moved around the table, opening his omni-tool as he went.

Shepard took a deep breath, wishing she'd gone through the armory instead. "Mordin, I'm about to call a meeting."

"Only take a moment." Mordin passed his omni-tool over Shepard, turning it back to read the screen. "Brain activity remains stable. Any dizziness, disorientation, muscle weakness, joint pain?"

"Nope. All good." Shepard patted Mordin on the shoulder. "See you in a few." Shepard moved past him before he could ask any more questions.

Inside the comm room, she pressed her palms into the table, heaving a heavy sigh as the door closed behind her. Raking her hand through her hair, she began pacing. Unsurprised when the door opened behind her less than a minute later, she turned her head to look over her shoulder. Garrus stepped inside, stopping just inside the door to lean against the wall, arms crossed and mandibles fluttering as he pulled in her scent.

Shepard turned to face him fully, feeling her shoulders sag. "Tell me I haven't lost them all."

"You haven't lost any of them, Dawn." Pushing away from the wall, he crossed the few feet between them to pull her into his arms. "It's just an adjustment. They all respect you, hell Vega idolizes you. They just need to see you're still able to lead them."

"And Jane?" Shepard looked up to study his piercing blue eyes, her heart aching at the pain she saw there.

"What about Jane?" His mandibles stilled.

"Come on, Garrus. Miranda's excellent at keeping track of numbers, places, events … but there's nothing in those reports that tells me how the crew reacted. How they felt about Jane. What Jane said or did while I was out." Shepard shook her head. "I need to know what I'm dealing with here."

Garrus rumbled deep in his chest, the vibrations passing through his armor and into Shepard, both soothing in the familiarity of the feeling and twisting her stomach in dread. Rubbing a hand absently up and down her back, he let out a defeated sigh before letting her go.

Garrus took a step back, leaning his hip against the table. "Their reactions … varied. I think my attitude may have influenced Jack, and maybe some of the others." His mandibles flared. "I didn't handle it as well as I could have."

Shepard winced; she couldn't imagine how hard the last eleven days had been for Garrus. He despised Jane, and Shepard knew he still struggled to deal with her dying on the old Normandy. She thought he must have been terrified, afraid she wasn't coming back just as Thane confessed.

Garrus cleared his throat. "Jane started out … difficult. Antagonistic toward a lot of the crew, particularly those who seemed the most uncomfortable with her."

"Started out?" Shepard arched an eyebrow.

Garrus hummed thoughtfully, nodding his head. "She seemed to settle after a few days. Started making more of an effort to get along." He flicked his mandibles and shrugged. "Mordin said she was starting to acclimatize; whatever he meant by that."

"Did she do anything? Hurt anyone or anything?" Shepard crossed her arms, leaning against the table next to Garrus.

He shook his head, lacing his fingers together in front of him. "No. She didn't really do anything." Garrus chuffed. "I think she was bored. It's probably half the reason she gave people a hard time at first." Lifting a shoulder in a shrug, he smirked. "She's as restless as you are when you don't have an enemy to throw yourself at."

Shepard snorted. "You should've seen me a few years ago, before all of this started." She cocked her head to the side. "No, on second thought, it's probably better you didn't. I doubt Detective Vakarian would've been very taken with my behavior on shore leave."

Garrus hummed, his mandibles flaring. "Now I'm intrigued." Sliding his hands around her hips, he squeezed gently, tugging her closer to him. "Were you a bad girl? I think I've still got my cuffs around here somewhere." He dipped his head to nip at her neck.

Shepard laughed, tilting her head to the side, enjoying the moment of closeness with a man she loved. The proverbial quiet before the storm. The door opened, Jacob stepping through before stopping in his tracks, eyes bulging for a second when he caught sight of Garrus and Shepard snuggled up together. Shepard brought her hand up to Garrus' chest, patting his armor and gently pushing him away.

"Uh, sorry, Shepard. I thought … am I early? Should I come back?" Jacob turned back halfway, ready to leave the comm room.

"No, come on in, Jacob." Shepard stepped back, putting a professional distance between her and Garrus, letting her commander mask slip into place.

The awkward moment passed when the door opened behind Jacob once more, forcing Jacob further into the room as Mordin walked in followed by James. The doors no sooner slid shut before the opened again, Miranda, Tali, and Kal entering. Before long, the entire team assembled, forming a circle around the table with all eyes on Shepard.

She waited to speak, letting her eyes roam over her team, her arms crossed over her chest and her head held high. No one failed to meet her gaze, though a few did shuffle their feet under the weight of her stare.

Shepard stepped forward, pressing her knuckles into the table's surface. "I don't have a good explanation for you. I don't know why or how this is happening." She shook her head, glancing over her crew once again. "But I do know I am the commanding officer of this ship, and our mission is too important for any of you to be questioning my ability to lead. I know some of you had difficulties accepting the reality of Jane, and though I don't know the details, I know she made some of you uncomfortable."

Shepard pushed back from the table, shifting her weight to one hip and crossing her arms again. "I need to know here and now if this is a big enough problem for any of you that you can't continue to do your jobs and follow my command. Speak up now and our next stop after the MSV Strontium Mule will be to drop you off on the nearest inhabited planet with enough credits to get you a ticket home. Otherwise, if you stay on this ship you will be expected to follow my orders both on and off of the Normandy."

She looked around the room, watching her team for signs of discord. Her gaze found Jacob in time to see him look to Miranda. Grundan Krul's eyes sought out Garrus. Zaeed lifted his shoulder in a shrug. Jack scoffed; smirking as she shook her head, but no one spoke up to say they wanted to leave.

Shepard let the silence linger, giving everyone the chance to think things over and speak up if they had any doubts. "Alright. We'll be arriving at the Mule soon. We'll be facing Blue Suns with mechs. Tali, Kal, you two ready to jump into the game?"

"Yes ma'am." Kal nodded his head, his hands behind his back.

Tali cocked her hip. "Of course."

Shepard smiled. "Good. Grunt, and Zaeed, you two will join us."

Grunt slammed his fist into his palm and grinned.

"You got it," Zaeed said.

"If any of you have something to say, and you don't want to say it here, you're welcome to approach me privately. Dismissed." Shepard watched everyone file out; Garrus and Thane lingering until the others left.

"Don't ask, Garrus. The answer's no." Shepard turned to face him. "You're not going with me and neither is Thane. Neither of you are rested enough for me to justify taking you out on this when I've got a full team at the ready."

"Shepard." Garrus crossed his arms, mandibles flaring. "You just woke up a few hours ago. You were in a coma! This is your first run back."

"Yeah, and all the doctors agree that I'm fine to return to active duty. Go get some rest. I'll make it an order if I have to, Vakarian." Shepard raised her eyebrows, waiting to see if he was going to push her.

Garrus looked over his shoulder at Thane, who remained quiet, his hands tucked behind his back. "You going to help me out here?"

Thane smiled, chuckling softly and shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not."

Garrus rumbled, his mandibles flaring. "Fine." He threw his hands up, letting them drop back down to slap against his thighs. He turned, making his way to the door, glaring at Thane when he fell into step next to him. "You could've helped," he muttered.

The doors were sliding closed behind them when Thane turned his head, smirking up at Garrus and said, "You've never been married."

Shepard snorted. "How far out are we, EDI?"

"The Normandy will dock with the MSV Strontium Mule in fifty-three minutes." EDI's hologram hovered in front of Shepard, centered over the QEC access. "Shepard?"

"Yeah?" Shepard asked.

EDI's response came slower than expected. "I would like to speak with you privately in regards to Jane. Is this an appropriate time?"

Shepard's eyebrows twitched. "Sure, EDI. What's on your mind?" Shepard leaned back against the wall, stuffing her hands in her pocket as she crossed one ankle over the other.

"I'm trying to understand Jane's behavior over the last few days. Comparing the data to previous observed patterns, Jane's behavior fell outside of predicted parameters." EDI paused. "Now that all available data has been collected, I've adjusted the parameters to include recent behavioral analysis. Reevaluation of my own interactions with Jane has left me with the conclusion I may have responded to her in ways inappropriate to the situation."

"EDI, are you saying you think you were mean to Jane?" Shepard lifted the corner of her mouth, unable to hide her amusement completely.

"I believe that is how organics would describe it, yes." EDI's hologram hovered in weighted silence for a moment. "My programing suggests the appropriate response to my conclusion is to apologize to Jane. However, since the removal of my shackles, I have found the programming Cerberus provided me with doesn't always correlate with observed organic behavior. For instance, Jack's behavior has often been described as rude or mean by other members of the crew, yet she rarely apologizes for this behavior."

"You want to know whether or not you should apologize to Jane?" Shepard arched her eyebrows in question.

"Yes. I spoke with Jeff about this, and asked his opinion on the matter, but he deflected my inquiries with humor," said EDI.

Shepard chuckled. "Yeah, he does that." She rubbed her head before tucking her hand back in her pocket. "Well, do you regret the way you acted?"

The iris of EDI's hologram opened and closed. "I don't experience regret, Shepard."

"OK. Knowing what you know now, if you could, would you change what you said to her?"

"I would," EDI said.

"I think in essence, that's where regret comes from. Apologizing for your actions and making amends when possible is a common response to regret. It often can help both parties to feel better about the situation, and can mend damage to a relationship." Shepard lifted her shoulders. "Is that something you want?"

"Shepard, you said Jane is currently inaccessible?" EDI paused long enough for Shepard to nod. "Would you be willing to inform me when you have access to her again? I would like to apologize to her."

"Absolutely, EDI." Shepard smiled, fascinated and encouraged by the AI's progress. "Was that all you wanted to talk about?"

"Legion and I have been working on a new theory that might help to explain Jane and the others. I've sent a detailed report to your terminal," EDI said.

"Oh." Shepard's eyes widened with surprise. "Awesome. Thanks, EDI. I'll check it out when I get back from the Mule."

"You're welcome, Shepard. Logging you out." EDI's hologram collapsed, winking out of existence.

Shepard left the comm room and made her way to the armory. Jacob looked up when she walked in, smiling at her tentatively. Remembering the way Jacob looked to Miranda, as if he were seeking out her orders still grated on Shepard's nerves, but she couldn't say she didn't understand.

She forced a smile on her face. "Hey, Jacob." Shepard walked over, stopping in front of Jacob's workbench. "I'm told you've got my gear."

"It's all in your locker, Shepard. I cleaned everything, so it should be ready for you to take out on the field." Jacob nodded toward the seldom used locker designated for Shepard in the armory.

Shepard went to the locker, opening it and pulling out her gear. She looked over every piece, not because she didn't trust Jacob, but because they were her weapons and armor. They stood between life and death. Any good solider would've done the same thing.

Feeling Jacob's eyes on her, Shepard looked up from the gun in her hands. "We have a problem, Jacob?"

"Honestly?" Jacob turned to face her, leaning his hip against his workbench.

"Speak freely, Jacob." Shepard collapsed her sniper rifle and put it back in the locker with the rest. She'd leave it there until she was ready to suit up; no point in dragging it up to her cabin.

"This is going to take some time getting used to." Jacob looked down at his feet for a few seconds before turning his eyes back to her. "I mean, how are we supposed to trust that Jane isn't going to just take over again? How do we know you're really back?"

"Did someone tell you Jane wouldn't take over again?" Shepard raised her eyebrow.

Jacob's eyes darted back and forth, his lips parted in confusion. "Well, no … so you're telling me it'll happen again?"

Shepard shrugged. "Maybe. Probably." She crossed the floor, gauging his reaction as she neared him; relieved to see he didn't give ground and back away. "But you've got to understand the last several days were unusual circumstances. I was in a coma, Jacob."

Rubbing his forehead, he pinched the skin between his fingers and thumb. "Yeah." Dropping his hand, he returned his gaze to her. "But Shepard, you see how this jeopardizes the whole mission, right?"

"I see why it would seem like it does." Shepard pressed her palms to the end of the workbench. "Can you see how it gives us an edge over the mission? Think about it, Jacob. I know exactly what we're walking in to, exactly where we need to go, how to get there, and what we need to do to win this thing." Shepard shook her head. "If nothing else, trust me when I say that as unstable as Jane is, she doesn't want this thing to go sideways. Push comes to shove, she'll do whatever needs to be done."

Jacob let out a long breath and turned to face the workbench, mirroring Shepard's posture. He looked down at the disassembled pistol in front of him, his voice coming out barely above a whisper when he spoke, "You knew about my father?"

Shepard pulled in a slow, deep breath. She'd been expecting this. "I did."

"Why didn't you tell me?" His head snapped up, fire burning in his eyes, the muscles in his jaw bulging. "I could've …."

"Could've what, Jacob?" Shepard lifted her hands at her sides, palms up. "There's nothing you could've done. Your father was already in too deep. Those people were already suffering. We had other missions to tend to, and you wouldn't have been prepared to deal with it until you got the message saying the beacon from his ship activated."

Jacob paced away from her a few feet, leaving his back to her with his hands on his hips. "We could've saved more of them."

"Maybe. How many other people do you think would've died somewhere else in their place because I bumped going after your father?" Shepard pushed away from the table, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That's not fair, Shepard." Shaking his head, Jacob looked at the ground.

"Isn't it?" She clenched her jaw. "How many night's sleep do you think I've lost since this all started … trying to weigh out one life against the next? Better yet, have you stopped to consider the people in my own life I've lost? Kaidan Alenko, Ashley Williams, Liara T'soni, Dr. Tulina … I had a chance to save them all, and damn it I tried but they died anyway. Jane never even met Dr. Tulina! She should've never been on the Normandy, but she was and she died because of it—because of me." She raised her voice despite her best efforts to stay calm. "Virmire? Virmire I fought like hell to keep both Ashley and Kaidan alive, I knew I would have to make a choice between the two of them and one of them would die. So I tried like hell to keep them together, keep that choice from ever having to be made."

Shepard scoffed. "But Kaidan … Kaidan just couldn't let it go. He had to do the right thing, and he died doing it. Which should've meant Ashley would still be alive now. And Liara!" Shepard threw her hands up in the air, letting them slam back down on the workbench, taking a sick satisfaction seeing Jacob jump. "Liara was never supposed to die. Liara was always the one to drag my corpse to Cerberus. Liara was the one to become the Shadow Broker. Liara was the one to find the weapon I'm supposed to use to take down the reapers!"

Shepard sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slow. "But Liara died, too. So Garrus brought me to Cerberus, I'm choosing a new Shadow Broker, and I sent the Alliance after the weapon. I sucked it up and kept marching; doing what needs to be done."

Jacob turned around to face her. "We've got a weapon?"

Shepard snorted and shook her head, disappointed but unsurprised the weapon was his only takeaway. "It's a Hail Mary, Jacob. We need to find another way if at all possible. It might be the only way I can make sure that when I die this time, I stay dead."

"Shit." Jacob shook his head, pinching the skin of his brow again. "I'm sorry, Shepard."

"It is what it is." Shepard lifted her shoulder. "So, are you going to be able to deal with this?"

Jacob scoffed and leaned into the table. "I can't say this isn't completely insane, but hell, Shepard, we've got an army of ancient, giant AIs hell bent on destroying us coming our way. Crazy's par for the course. It might take me some time to wrap my head around all of this, but you can count on me to be in the fight."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. So, we're good?" Shepard held her hand out to Jacob.

He slapped his palm against hers, shaking her hand. "We're good."

"ETA, EDI?" Shepard turned her head to the AI access terminal.

EDI's hologram appeared. "The Normandy will dock with the MSV Strontium Mule in thirty-two minutes, Shepard."

"Thanks, EDI." Shepard turned her attention back to Jacob. "I'm going to go sit with Joker for a few. I'll be back to gear up before we head out."

"You got it, Shepard. I'll get it all laid out for you." Jacob smiled; his shoulders relaxing.

Shepard returned the smile, nodding her head before leaving the armory. Kelly stopped her before she could get very far, though.

Pushing her hair back behind her ear, Kelly smiled warmly at Shepard. "Shepard, I know you aren't particularly fond of the idea of having me here watching you, and reporting to the Illusive Man, but I hope you know that I genuinely care. If there is something you need to talk about, I'm here for you."

Shepard smiled. She knew when the decision was made to inform her team about Jane, the Cerberus crew members were left out of the revelation. She also knew there wasn't any way the crew wouldn't be whispering among themselves. For eleven days, Shepard didn't leave the ship and Miranda took command. Shepard had a constant escort, around the clock even while she slept. The official story said Shepard was being monitored because of her proximity to the blast and the hit she took, but anyone paying attention wouldn't have believed it for very long.

"Thanks, Kelly, but really I'm fine." Shepard patted the yeoman on her shoulder. "I'm just glad to be returned to active duty."

Kelly's face lit up with the contact. "You're sure?"

"I'm sure, but if I do need to talk, I'll come find you." Shepard stepped around Kelly. "I'm on my way to see Joker. I'll get to those messages piling up when we get back from the next mission."

Kelly waved at her as she made her way toward the cockpit. Shepard lifted a hand to brush the hair out of her face as she walked down the aisle. She stumbled, her breath catching in her throat when the arm she saw in front of her face wasn't the slender, alabaster arm of a woman, but that of a man. An arm twice the size of hers covered in thick, black hair with skin the color of honey. Closing her eyes, she sucked in a deep breath before opening them again. Relief flooded her when she saw her own arm in front of her once more.

"Are you well, Shepard?" EDI's voice came from a speaker nearby.

"Yeah, EDI, I'm fine. Just … remembered something and it startled me," Shepard said.

The Cerberus crew sitting at terminals on either side of her looked over their shoulders at her. Shepard smiled at them, waving off their worried glances. She put one foot in front of the other, finishing her trek into the cockpit. Sliding into the co-pilot's chair, she turned her attention to Joker. He hit the button to close the shutter.

Shepard shook her head. "Leave it open."

Joker shrugged. "Alright." He hit the button again, watching the shutter roll back open. "So, uh, you're … you again?"

Shepard smirked. "Yeah. I'm me again. Afraid I wasn't coming back?"

Joker scoffed, turning his head to look at Shepard with a cocked eyebrow. "Are you kidding? If going down with the old Normandy didn't stop you for good, no way would a little blast like that." Joker turned back to the controls in front of him. "Even if you did take your sweet time and leave us with Commander Crazy. Thanks for that, by the way. Nothing helps a man get to sleep better at night than knowing someone even more psychotic than Jack is roaming around the ship."

Shepard snorted. "That why you had her banned from the cockpit?"

"Uh, duh. She cut into your head and shot Garrus. I didn't want her anywhere near me or the controls to my baby." Joker glanced at Shepard.

"You weren't even curious to talk to her?" Shepard shifted in the chair, turning to face Joker fully.

"Why? So she can tell me all about how I die in a fiery explosion when the reapers rip apart the Normandy? Or is it the collectors again?" Joker scowled at the holographic controls in front of him.

Shepard let out a sigh. "You don't die on our watch, Joker. Never have."

Joker looked at her, his eyes scanning her face; looking for any sign she was lying, she thought. "Well, that's a relief. Still," he said, lifting a shoulder, "what would I have to say to her? She's not you, Commander. I don't know her."

"She knows you, though. And she cares about you. She cares about all of you," Shepard said.

"Yeah, well, she's got a funny way of showing it." Joker pointed out of the viewing port. "There's the MSV Strontium Mule."