A/N: Standard Disclaimers Apply

Chapter Thirteen: Stereo Instructions

Argent snarled as she found herself below decks and stirring a pot of Whatever-the-hell-this-is stew. She forced down a strong desire to wretch as the smells of old yams, clam juice and fish assaulted her nostrils.

"I am so not eating this," she complained.

"True enough, tisn't the best fare," the bearded Mr. Gibbs said kindly. "Although it be frightful bad luck to insult the cook on board, Miss." He took a swig from his omnipresent flask and added just loud enough for Argent to hear him, "And having two of yer kind here is like inviting Old Scratch himself to tea."

Gibbs walked over, stirred the pot and grimaced. "Well, rum washes everything down anyway," he said with a wink.

Argent couldn't help but smile, until Gibbs loaded her arms with wooden bowls and spoons and shooed her up the steep, ladder-like steps to the deck. The wooden rungs were slick, and Argent nearly fell twice, but she made it. The small crew of the Interceptor formed a quick line as the silver-skinned girl passed out the eating utensils. Gibbs lugged the steaming pot of fish stew to the deck.

Argent looked up as she handed the tall, beautiful, dark-haired man his bowl. Their fingertips brushed against each other's softly. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened to speak a half dozen times, but her breath caught.

"Oh-my-god-you're-Olando-Bloom-I've-seen-every-single-one-of-your-movies-even-Troy-and-you're-like-the-hottest-guy-I've-ever-seen-in-my-entire-life-I-so-can't-believe-I'm-right-here-and-you're-here-and-oh-my-god-you're-gorgeous!"

"Um, thank you?" Will said to her, his eyes full of confusion.

"Oh-you're-welcome-you're-so-welcome!" Agent said excitedly and let out a long, dreamy sigh as Will stepped toward Mr. Gibbs.

"Beg pardon, love, but you're holding up the line."

Argent let out an "Eep!" as she turned toward Captain Jack Sparrow. She thrust a bowl into his hands and refused to make eye contact.

"I know it's not my place, but if you're interested in young Mr. Turner, I'd say you've set your sails dead into the wind, love. It seems he's found himself a girl."

"Elizabeth Swann," Argent muttered under her breath.

"Oh, so you know her then?"

Before she could answer, the ship lurched suddenly and threw Argent into Jack. His wiry arms wrapped around the silver-skinned girl, and a rakish grin creased his lips. Argent looked up and blushed madly.

"Well, at last you have some color to your cheeks," Jack cooed with a sly wink.

…..

Robin was conspicuously absent from the table as Aqualad and Cyborg came back with the boxes of pizzas. The Teen Wonder stood at the tip of the triangular second story patio watching the street below.

"Obsessing again?"

Robin turned to see the gold and scarlet clad speedster leaning on the railing next to him. "Probably," he said plainly. "Tonight was FUBAR from the get-go. My intel was bad, I still can't believe that Kitarou got the jump on me, and…"

"Let it go, Dick," Wally said, looking out at the city. "Those people we saved will help break that syndicate."

"I wish I had your optimism, Wally."

"Well, you have a lot of Bruce in you, as much as you might want to deny it."

Robin glanced over, grimaced at his fleet friend, and stared back down the street. "Thanks for reminding me."

"No problem, bro. It's why I'm around. Someone besides Donna has to keep you grounded."

Robin arched an eyebrow.

"Yo! KF, Rob! The pizza's getting cold," Cyborg called from the table. Robin and Kid Flash walked over and grabbed a few slices. Robin bit in and then stared at the slice with mild disgust.

"Um, BB, I think I grabbed one of your tofu and pineapple specials."

"It's okay, Rob. I don't know why Cy ordered an extra-large."

"Cause I didn't want to hear you whine about everyone having meat, Green Genes. Oh look, it sauuuuuuuuusaaaaaaage….. Oh, no!"

Speedy grabbed three slices and stuffed half of one in his mouth before a burglar alarm boomed across the square. He swallowed unchewed bits whole and snatched up his bow. The other Titans went on alert and leapt out of their chairs. "Never a dull moment," the archer groaned.

…..

"Now there, don't you feel better?"

Wonder Girl held a fabric pad. Once side was coated with wax and hundreds of small eyebrow hairs were stuck in the sticky substance. She smirked and glanced over to a shocked Raven, a mortified Bumble Bee, and a positively jubilant Jinx.

Control Freak felt his forehead had been torn off his skull. His small, sallow eyes welled up with tears. "Ow!" he complained and bounced around on the chair he was tied to. "Dammit, don't you have a 'Lasso of Truth' or something?"

"Oh, it that what it does?" the dark haired beauty mused ruefully, "Oh well, I don't think I need it now. You are going to tell us how to free Star and bring back Argent, right Control Freak?"

She dipped a spreader stick into a pot of hot wax and stirred it aimlessly. Control Freak's beady eyes instantly locked on the viscous substance and sweat started to form on his brow.

"Okay, okay!" he bellowed. "I'll talk! First, you toggle the selector button to the proper video input. Then use the command buttons to obtain the desired effect."

Bee glanced around to the confused witches. "Mind saying that again, in English this time?"

Donna frowned. She picked up the remote, looked at it, pointed it at Starfire and hit PLAY. The willowy beauty continued her ferocious, growling charge, but pulled up suddenly.

Starfire looked around, her glowing eyes full of confusion. "Friends? Why are you all in your uniforms? What has happened?"

"So you figured it out," Control Freak snarled. "What are you going to do to me now?"

Donna glanced over to the other girls before smiling at Starfire. "Star, didn't you want to do a makeover tonight?"

"Oh, yes," Star admitted, "I thought we would perform the making over upon Raven, but I see now someone who needs it much more."

Raven was about to protest, but she saw the color bleach out of Control Freak's face and his look of absolute horror was one she wanted to hang on the wall. The ashen girl stretched out her powers and snatched the offending camera from the floor.

The fat villain shrunk back as far his chair would allow.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"