Garrus

Garrus didn't understand how, exactly, but Dawn felt so solid and real in his arms. He even smelled her. Knowing she was still there, even if she shared her mind with hundreds of others, gave him the spark of hope he needed to keep going. He hadn't thought Jane or the others lied, but … seeing her for himself … it was just different.

"Come back to me, Dawn," he whispered in her ear, rocking gently back and forth as he held her against him. "Come back to me. You promised. You said you would always fight to come back to me, and I need you. We all need you."

She'd come into his life like a whirlwind, completely upending everything in her wake. She'd destroyed him in the worst way; in the best way. Everything he was, everything he thought he'd become …. He'd do it all again. All of it. Hell, he'd do it all and so much more, good and bad, if she'd just come back to him.

Thane settled a hand down on his shoulder. "Garrus, please … I know how much this means to you … but we haven't much time."

No, he didn't. How could he? Thane wasn't there in the beginning, he didn't watch the whole thing unfold. He didn't see how discovering Jane and the others took the beautiful, fierce spectre to her knees and ripped her life to shreds. Thane didn't see the empty, cold look of determination in her eyes as she hit the switch on her own execution. He never spent countless, sleepless days searching for her corpse on a desolate, frozen planet or fought off the old Shadow Broker's troops to steal her dead body away and give it to her enemies. He didn't spend two years agonizing over whether or not it was all for nothing.

But Garrus did.

"So talk." The words left him with an unintended growl, but it didn't seem to bother the drell in the slightest. "Tell them what you came here to say. I'm not stopping you, but I'm not letting her go, either."

"Very well." Thane caressed Dawn's face once more before letting out a sad sigh and pushing himself to his feet. "As you wish."

Garrus pulled Dawn in closer, tucking her head beneath his chin. He continued to whisper softly to her as he kept an eye on Thane and the others. His heart ached with joy and frustration, his stomach twisted into knots. He knew he should take part in the conversation—obviously it was important if Thane went through all the trouble of bringing Avalina into the whole mess—but, Spirits, he just couldn't give anything his full attention with Dawn curled up in his lap.

Tucking his hands behind his back, Thane glanced at the asari and then Jane. "Feron believes he's found the location of The Intelligence. It's agreed we can't be certain it's actually The Intelligence and not a different AI without our intentions becoming clear."

He paused a moment, the silence just long enough to draw Garrus' gaze back to him. "Another who works for the Shadow Broker suggested we place the monitors—with the assumption being if it is anything other than The Intelligence, we will be able to tell by the strength of the signal. In which case, we'd collect the monitors once more and keep looking. All options come with risks, however." Bringing a fist to his mouth, he cleared his throat and blinked before shifting his gaze to take in the sea of faces encircling the group. "I asked Avalina to bring us here so we might have the chance to consult with all of you before we take any action."

The smell of her tears filled the air, the soft, shuddering sound of her sobs wormed their way through his keel to make their home in his heart. He cooed softly to her, stroking her hair and nuzzling against the top of her head. Jane and the others droned on around him, their voices becoming little more than a blanket of noise. He caught a word here and there, just enough to mull over in the back of his mind. Still, he remained fixated on the woman in his arms, especially when she began to speak.

"I changed too much, Garrus," she said, voice whisper soft. "I changed too much. It's all my fault. Too many people are paying for my mistakes." A keen caught in her throat and she clung to him tighter. "I can't do this anymore. I can't. I'm making everything worse."

"You're the strongest, most resilient person I've ever met." He nuzzled against her again, pressing his mouth to the top of her head. "You can do this. You are the only one who can."

She shook her head, shoulders trembling with her suppressed wails of grief. "I can't watch anyone else I love die, Garrus."

He hummed, tightening his grip on her and then sighed. Hating what he had to say, he pulled his mandibles in tight and said it anyway, "Dawn … without you there to lead us … we're all already dead."

Garrus locked himself in the bathroom, hands pressed against the countertop. He hung his head until his chin touched the edge of his cowl. A part of him wanted to march right back into the living room and demand Avalina take him back inside so he could see her again. His Shepard. Leaving Dawn there, lost to her grief and surrounded by the insane ramblings of the others, killed him. But he knew, even if Avalina wasn't already completely exhausted from holding the three-person meld for as long as she did, she couldn't give him what he really wanted. She couldn't help him spend the rest of his life joined with Dawn; eventually, he'd have to leave her side, no matter how badly he wanted to stay.

Even if it meant living without Jack.

The thought made him feel like the galaxy's biggest ass, but it was a visceral truth.

Swallowing, he took a few deep breaths and lifted his head. The turian staring back at him … when did he become so … old and worn down? He pushed away from the counter and opened the door, taking one last breath before making his way out of the bathroom.

Jack sat on the couch next to Shepard, her arm draped over the other woman's shoulders, holding Shepard in against her side. Arms tucked in between the two of them, Shepard rested her face on Jack's exposed shoulder and chest. Both women glanced up at him as he entered, a smile lifting their lips and brightening their eyes.

He did love Jack. He loved the hell out of her … but Shepard owned his heart as easily as if she carried it around in her pocket. Even the years he spent without her, knowing she was dead and never really certain if Cerberus would pull it off, she controlled his thoughts and emotions. Each breath he took was because of her, every squeeze of his trigger was because of her, and every night spent drowning himself in alcohol and filling his nostrils with the scent of another woman was because of her.

After returning the smiles, he turned his attention to Thane and Avalina. Pulling himself up a little straighter, he cleared his throat and channelled the turian Shepard needed him to be. "So," he said, when Thane met his gaze, "what do you need from me to make this work?"

Thane glanced over his shoulder at Shepard for a moment before meeting Garrus' gaze once more. Tucking his hands behind his back, he said, "Keep her safe, and be ready to flee the Citadel if it becomes necessary."

"Hey …." Jack sat down next to him on the couch, tucking a leg beneath her. "We need to talk."

Mandibles flicking against the side of his face, Garrus smelled the trepidation rolling off Jack. He hummed and held an arm out, waving her closer. "What's wrong?" He dropped his arm when she didn't cuddle next to him.

Averting her gaze, she held her breath for a moment. "I've got to go."

"What?" Keeping the alarm from his voice wasn't a struggle he'd prepared for.

She winced and rubbed her hand over her scalp. "Those kids need me …. Need someone who understands the shitshow they've been through with Cerberus. Someone to keep them safe if Cerberus shows up again. Alliance said in the past—or what the fuck ever—that I ended up working at a place called Grissom Academy training biotics, and that's where those kids are at now. She said Cerberus usually shows up there, trying to kidnap the students and shit, but I keep at least some of them safe."

"Miranda's leading Cerberus now, Jack. Whatever happened before, isn't going to happen this time." He fought to control the antsy feeling making his plates itch and his subvocals whine.

"The Illusive Man is still alive. Maybe he just wants Miranda to think she has control. Either way, as long as that sick bastard still breathes, those kids will never be safe." She met his gaze, desperation in her deep, brown eyes. "This is something I need to do, Garrus." She swallowed, and he thought her eyes looked a little wetter. "And right now, Shepard needs your full attention. Don't worry, when shit gets ugly with the reapers, I'm right there with you. I promise. Just don't fight me on this."

Jack making a promise that didn't involve threats of dismemberment left him momentarily speechless.

Brow furrowing, her shoulders slumped. "Garrus."

"Alright." He sucked in a deep breath and nodded. "Do what you need to do. Just take care of yourself. And if Cerberus or any other trouble does show up, you call me. Immediately. Deal?"

The corner of her mouth quirked up into that smartass grin he loved so much, and she said, "Deal."

With Jack gone and plans set into motion to monitor The Intelligence, Garrus felt more keyed up and on edge than he had since moving back to the Citadel. Every glance from every stranger left his fingers twitching with the urge to draw his weapon. Any one of them could be indoctrinated. Any one of them might be a threat to Shepard.

And yet, it seemed like tensions between turians and humans was finally starting to settle down, at least a little. With verification of the names on the list Spectre Protalus sent the Council, both the Council and the Hierarchy worked around the clock to ferret out and arrest as many members of The Dissension as possible.

However, Garrus heard from Fedorian—who heard from Sparatus—that at least some of The Dissension were indoctrinated … making Garrus far more apprehensive around his own kind than the few hostile humans he'd encountered on his way to The Pearson Sisters' Sanctuary.

He knocked on the door and then nodded his head to the two Alliance guards stationed outside of Shepard's door. He recognized both of them, but he didn't know their names. One of them—a man with dark skin and eyes which didn't seem to know whether they wanted to be green or brown—had been assigned to guard Shepard's suite at least once before. The other man was the same soldier who'd tried to keep Garrus from entering Anderson's apartment the night The Dissension set off bombs in Tiberius Towers. He didn't seem interested in giving Garrus any gruff about going in to see Shepard, so Garrus really didn't care about the wary look he received in return.

"Hola, me amigo," James said as he opened the door and stepped aside.

"How's it going, Vega?" Walking in, Garrus glanced at Shepard sitting at the breakfast bar before making his way toward her bedroom. "I've got to get out of this armor."

"I'll help," Shepard said, and he glanced back to see her sliding down off the stool, shoving the last bite of whatever she was eating into her mouth.

Heart fluttering against his keel, he smiled. "I appreciate it."

Garrus awoke to Shepard standing over him. He'd given James the night off and crashed on the couch. James offered to let Garrus sleep in his bed, but the thought of trying to fall asleep surrounded by the saturated scent of the marine held no appeal for Garrus. Momentarily startled, it soon shifted to concern, and he pushed himself upright.

"Shepard? Is something wrong?" He tugged the cover off of him, tossing it to the end of the couch.

"Come lay down with me." The words left her lips so softly, even he barely heard them.

"Shepard …."

"Please, Garrus. Just until I fall asleep, at least. You can come back in here then if you want. Just come to bed with me, let me lay my head on your chest and feel your warmth. I miss you, and I need you. I'm trying to pull it together … for you, for the galaxy, but I need you," her voice trembled, and she moved closer, holding out her hand to him.

In that moment, somehow, he knew it was Dawn talking to him. As much her as any of the others, at least. A keen tore through his throat, and she closed the distance between them, shushing him. She settled her hands on his shoulders, leaning down to kiss the top of his head before pressing her forehead to his. He leaned into her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Come on, big guy," she said after a moment, stepping back and taking both of his hands in hers, "let's go get some sleep."

She gave him a little tug, and he let her help him to his feet. He followed her in silence as she led him down the hall and into her bedroom. She glanced back over her shoulder at him—although he doubted he looked like anything more than a mass of shadows to her—and smiled. It made his heart thump so hard against his keel, it ached.

When they reached the bed, she let him go and bent over, tugging the covers back on both sides before crawling into the bed. Glancing up at him again, she waited, the scent of a dozen emotions rolling off of her at once. A rumble sounded deep in his chest, and he rounded the foot of the bed. Hesitating for a second or two, he watched her, uncertainty, hope, love, and need flooding him.

Then, he took a deep breath and climbed in next to her, adjusting the pillows until he found a comfortable position before holding his arm up for her to move closer. Stretching out next to him, she settled in, the motion easy and well practiced as she laid her face against the side of his keel, head resting in the crook of his arm.

For the first time in a long time, Garrus felt at home.