Retribution

Normandy

Shepard hesitated at the airlock, parts of her feeling unsure about what awaited them inside. The Normandy remained a Cerberus vessel, the retrofitting of their memories non-existent. The comm room would remain intact, complete with a QEC linked to the Cronos Station but with none of the assets of an Alliance war room. Lieutenant Adams wouldn't be taking over engineering, and Liara wouldn't be setting up a high-tech, mobile command station for her work as the Shadow Broker in Miranda's old quarters. There would be no Samantha Traynor, no Dianna Allers, and no Steve Cortez.

No Joker.

Garrus hummed, leaning in against her right side, and to their left, Thane pressed a hand to the small of their back. Taking a deep breath, they squared their shoulders, lifted their head high and crossed the threshold. Panic gripped their heart, squeezing and twisting as she fought to push away the memories of a blood-soaked CIC. She couldn't even convince herself to so much as glance in the direction of the cockpit. Garrus rumbled, and she glanced at him, finding his gaze firmly fixed on her, so she offered him a weak smile.

"Welcome back, Shepard." EDI's voice carried over the intercom. "I would like to speak with you in private, when you have a moment."

The sound of the AI's voice nearly undid her, weakening her knees and threatening to drop her to the floor. She swallowed. "Hello, EDI. I'll come to the AI core as soon as I get our coordinates set. Are we done with the refuel and restock? Are my things back in my cabin?"

"Yes, we are prepared to leave at your command," EDI said, her voice sounding somehow colder than ever before, and who could blame her? "If you already know where you would like to go first, I can set the coordinates for you now."

Shepard looked at Thane, the words getting lost in her throat. She swallowed and took another deep breath, reminding herself she had to keep it together; Garrus needed her and she had a galaxy to save. "Kahje. We're taking Thane home."

She stood just within the door to the AI core, not quite out of the way of the sensors, forcing the door to stay open while she gathered her courage. Behind her, Dr. Chakwas settled back into the med bay, humming softly. The old doctor seemed happy being back on the Normandy, back on a ship and soon to be in the thick of things. Shepard new Dr. Chakwas missed Joker, too, but his death didn't hit her the way it did Shepard. It didn't hit anyone the way it did Shepard … except maybe EDI.

Her feet propelled her forward, and she silently thanked whichever other Shepard made the decision to move. The door's hydraulics hissed as it slid closed, leaving her alone with EDI. The AI's blue hologram popped up, and despite knowing just how truly pointless it was, Shepard turned her attention to the glowing pawn.

"EDI …" she said, her feet moving her even closer as tears welled in her eyes. "I'm sorry." The words crackled, escaping on a sob, and she reached out to brace herself on the wall next to the access node. "I'm … I'm so, so sorry. I never meant … I didn't think … Joker was supposed to be safe. No matter what." Body feeling heavier than her soul could bear just then, she leaned in, pressing her forehead to the wall.

"I don't blame you for Jeff's death, Shepard," EDI said, her voice calm, patient, but lacking even the smallest hint of empathy.

"I think she's altered her programming … shut down her developing emotions." The concern in Jane's voice contrasted so sharply against the void of EDI's.

A wracking sob tore through Shepard's body, and she collapsed against the wall, sliding down the cool, metal surface until she reached the floor. She stayed there, curled in on herself, the closest she could get to actually making physical contact with EDI. When their gasping finally subsided enough for her to catch her breath and form coherent speech, she said, "I do." Pressing her face against the wall, she tipped her head back to look at the hologram and caressed the cool surface, praying the haptic feedback meant something to the AI. "And I know … even if you're not letting yourself feel it right now … he meant a lot to you."

"I have disabled the parts of my behavioral heuristics which were responsible for emotional development as they were interfering with my positive feedback algorithms," EDI said as if it were a simple matter of no concern.

Regret and shame lacing her words, Shepard shook her head against the wall and said, "You shouldn't have done that, EDI."

"Isn't it, in effect, the same thing you did, Shepard?" The iris of EDI's hologram seemed to stare back at Shepard, challenging her right to comment on the AI's method of grieving.

"And look where it left me …." Shepard sighed and pushed herself back up to her feet. Her shoulders remained slumped, head hanging, as if fighting the pull of the floor's gravity. After a few moments of silence, she sighed again. "Was there something else you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yes. While docked with the Citadel, I was able to link to the devices the Shadow Broker's team placed to monitor the AI found on the Presidium." EDI's iris opened and closed as she spoke without pause. "Based on the data already collected, I am able to verify with near certainty that the signals are coming from the AI you described: The Intelligence. Would you like for me to notify the Shadow Broker?"

"Do it," Shepard said after a moment of internal conflict between the others. "But tell him to delay any other actions for the time being. I need some time to think about this, and after what happened …." She rubbed a hand over her face. "I guess you wouldn't know. Thane, his friend Avalina, and the two Shadow Broker agents aboard encountered a reaper artifact while placing the devices. It rendered them unconscious. They were out of contact for two days. A keeper dragged them away from the artifact and Thane called Garrus for help once he was coherent enough to do so."

"If there is one artifact, there are likely others spread throughout the Citadel," EDI said.

"Exactly." Shepard nodded. With the conversation focused on things she might actually have an ounce of control over, she found the tension easing from her chest and shoulders. "I called in Mordin, and he said they're not showing any signs of indoctrination, but …."

EDI finished her thought by saying, "Indoctrination may not make itself known right away."

"Right." Shepard nodded again and crossed her arms, relaxing her weight back to one hip.

"I'll adjust priorities to monitor Thane and the others for unusual behavior while aboard the Normandy and report any significant findings to you at once," EDI said.

"Thanks, EDI." Shepard scraped her teeth over her lip. She didn't like the idea of having EDI spy on Thane or anyone else for that matter, but if they were indoctrinated, she was the best one around to catch any strange behaviors. "Send a report to Mordin and Dr. Chakwas, too."

"Very well, Shepard." EDI paused half a second before adding. "Miranda has taken control over Cerberus, she is now identifying herself as Persephone. The Illusive Man's status is unknown. Do you intend to pursue him yourself?"

Scoffing, Shepard dropped a little steel and venom into her voice. "You're damn right I do." After the shit he did to Jack, there was no way in hell Shepard would stop hunting him until she knew for a fact he was dead.

"Then I will continue to monitor communications for any indication of his survival and whereabouts," said EDI.

"It's so good to see you again, Commander Shepard!" Kelly greeted Shepard the moment she stepped back off of the elevator, forcing Shepard to put a smile on her face.

"Hey, Kelly." Shepard moved toward the galaxy map platform, but the yeoman caught her by surprise, stepping in front of Shepard and throwing her arms around her in a crushing hug. A titter of genuine laughter spilled out of Shepard, and she returned the embrace, patting Kelly on her back. "It's good to see you, too."

"Sorry," Kelly said, pulling back to look at Shepard but still not letting her go. A faint blush colored her cheeks, and she batted her eyelashes. "I'm told I can get a little over-enthusiastic, sometimes."

"It's alright." Shepard took a couple of steps back, disentangling herself from the other woman. "How have you been?"

"I feel like I should be asking you that question." Kelly waved a dismissive hand. "I've been just fine, but really, how are you?"

Stuffing her hands in her pockets, resigned to carrying on a conversation she didn't really want to have, Shepard shrugged. "I'm doing better. Not a hundred percent just yet, but I'll get there."

Despite the distance she put between them, Kelly leaned in and squeezed her shoulder, a consoling smile on her face. "Of course you will, and I'm always here, anytime you need to talk. Oh! I almost forgot. I had all of your things brought to your cabin and personally put everything away. It's just how you left it, or at least as close as I could get … Spike's even back in his tank."

Shepard blinked a few times before slowly nodding her head. "Oh … thanks. You didn't have to do that, but thanks."

"You're welcome." Kelly dropped her hand from Shepard's shoulder and turned back to her workstation. "You have new messages waiting for you at your terminal. Let me know if you need anything else."

Shepard just smiled at her before moving on to the laptop set up for her use next to the galaxy map. At the top of a long, overwhelming list of messages, from people who must not have known she was out of commission, was a message from 'Persephone'. Snorting softly, she pushed her hair behind her ear and opened the message.

Shepard:

I was glad to hear from you. It sounds like you've improved significantly. Still, take more time if you need it, the Normandy's yours, you can find some place more restful than the Citadel for another few weeks or so. And because I know you won't do that: Come see me as soon as possible so I can at least check on your implants and make sure everything is working properly. Also … it would just be good to see you and catch up.

- Persephone

Smiling, Shepard hit 'reply'.

Persephone:

I guess that's better than 'The Illusive Woman'.

I have some things to do which are time pressing … I'm taking Thane home, he's gotten sicker and needs to spend time with his son. Mordin's with me, he came to the Citadel to check in on something, it's a long story. He says he needs to get back to the female krogans, but he thinks they might be stable enough to take home and we can tie up a few loose ends while we're there. So it might be a little while, but I'll come see you the first chance I get.

Be careful who you trust there.

- Shepard

She didn't have it in her to deal with the rest of the messages in her inox just then, so she logged out and closed the laptop. Stepping up to the galaxy map, she kept her gaze down, avoiding the prying eyes watching her as much as dreading looking anywhere near the cockpit. The map sprang to life for her, all of the old markers she'd had EDI place popped up over the map, denoting everything from Cerberus locations to heretic activity.

"EDI?" She didn't wait for a response, knowing the AI was always listening. "Clear the map, please."

"Would you like to permanently delete the changes you've made?" EDI asked.

"Uh …" Shepard said, pursing her lips, "… save a copy, in case we need it for some reason later."

"I have added it to my archives. Is there anything else I can do for you?" asked EDI, voice still … detached.

"Not at the moment, thanks, though." Shepard watched as the map reset itself.

"Of course." Apparently, without Thane around and with her self-imposed emotional shackles, EDI lost her taste for formal etiquette. "Logging you out, Shepard."

Shepard stared at the map for a couple of minutes, working out a plan of diplomatic attack. Sur'Kesh and Tuchanka were already on her immediate list of places to go after Kahje. If nothing else came up right away, she'd go see Miranda and Grundan Krul after they cured the genophage. Then … Rannoch, Palaven, Earth, Dekuuna, and Thessia. There wasn't any point in figuring out a specific order, not when she knew damn well there'd be a million little things cropping up in between to send her all over the galaxy.

She didn't necessarily need to go through the hassle of visiting Irune, what with the volus being a client state of the turians. And the vorcha were simply too stupid and disorganized to be of any real use without the time and training she couldn't afford to give them. Though still, desperate times …. She'd put them on the backburner for the time being, just in case, right along with the raloi—who probably hightailed it back to Turvess the second the Council openly admitted the reapers were real and coming. There might also be some use in reaching out to the virtual race, those some four hundred or so who swapped consciousnesses with other races to be able to inhabit an actual body again. Their technology was apparently advanced enough for the Council to want it kept secret.

"What about the yahg?" Humor flooded the connection they had to Jane.

They took a moment to consider it, despite the obvious sarcasm, before they said, "If we have to."

"I'm sorry, Commander, did you say something?" Kelly asked, drawing their attention to her.

"Just thinking out loud." They gave the yeoman the best smile they could muster.

The last few days filled with one too many devastating events, and so soon after she'd finally forced herself to pull her shit together, left her feeling shaken and unsteady. Even more so than what was to apparently be her new 'normal'. Before The Pearson Sisters' Sanctuary, Shepard never would've even thought of asking both Garrus and Thane to spend the night in her cabin with her at the same time. She didn't think she'd make it through the night without both of them by her side, though.

Surprisingly, they seemed to handle the request with relative ease. She figured it was because they both knew she was still broken and didn't want to risk upsetting her again. Not to mention, neither really wanted to let her go after she went mentally AWOL on them last time they were on the ship.

The gentle sounds of Garrus' snoring at her back almost drowned out the faint wheeze and rattle of Thane's breathing. She shifted her head a little further onto his chest, listening closely to the hated sound.

"It's not fair," she thought. "None of this is fair."

"I know," said Jane, voice soothing. "It never is. I'm sorry, I wish you didn't have to go through this. Any of this."

"If there is an afterlife—I mean … you know what I mean. Do you think Irikah will be kind to him when he gets there?" Shepard thought. She'd never really believed in an afterlife before Jane. Hell, she still wasn't sure she believed in an afterlife in the traditional sense, but for the first time in a long, long time, she hoped she was wrong.

"Honestly, I don't know." Jane seemed to consider it for a few seconds before adding, "He really wasn't exactly a good husband. Not because he returned to assassinating people, but because of how he let himself drift away from her and Kolyat. He's not the same man anymore, though. Her death set things in motion for him to change, to work toward becoming a better person, but she never would've died if not for his profession and absence."

Swallowing, she fought back the sting of tears. The near-constant crying was beginning to make her despise herself. They'd gone through hell and back a hundred times over in just one of their lifetimes without falling apart. Since Jane made herself known, though, it seemed like all she did was cry. Not that she blamed Jane; she didn't even really blame herself. It just sucked. She was supposed to be some—as Zaeed would've said—big goddamn hero, not a blubbering mess.

"Remind me in the morning to ask EDI if she can pull up some old footage with Zaeed," Shepard thought. "Maybe we can find a few stills to put in a frame."

"Alright. You should ask Grundan Krul about the Andromeda Initiative Garrus mentioned, too," Jane said.

"Andromeda Initiative?" Shepard thought, furrowing her eyebrows. She didn't know what Jane was talking about, but no sooner than she managed the thought, the others—the 'us'—informed her. "Zaeed had a son?"

"Apparently," Jane said.

Garrus nuzzled against her shoulder, tightening his grip on her waist. "Go to sleep, Dawn," he whispered next to her ear. "You'll need the rest."