Chapter 2: Kahje

Rain pattered against the shuttle, sounding out a funeral dirge, and silent tears rolled down his siha's cheeks in tune to the mournful beat. Thane came to terms with his impending death long ago, but sitting there, holding Shepard's hand as they descended through Kahje's atmosphere, he realized just how much of a fool he'd been. He didn't want to die. He wanted to live, to be by her side and help carry her through the looming darkness nipping at her heels. He wanted to live and learn about what kind of man his son would be in the years to come.

Would Kolyat marry and have children of his own? Might … might Thane one day be a grandfather? He swallowed against a knot in his throat, imagining himself as an old man, picking up a small boy and twirling him through the air as he 'danced crazy' with his grandson. Instead, Kolyat and any children he may have would live out their lives without him as he watched from Kalahira's distant shores. He prayed to Arashu that Kolyat would be a better husband and father than the examples Thane showed him as a child.

Thane wanted to live, but he'd waited far too late. The things Mordin offered, experimental procedures with the potential to extend his life, came at unacceptable costs. He refused to ever be such a burden on Shepard or Kolyat. Mordin didn't offer life he offered … a continued existence. One filled with both physical and psychological anguish, and one which would likely slowly shatter the souls of those he loved far worse than his simply dying might.

He knew some part of his decision, perhaps a larger part than he'd truly like to admit, came from the threat to his dignity and pride. The thought of being so utterly dependent on others for his every need was simply more than his wounded ego could handle. And yet, a part of him wanted to curl into a ball, pound his fists against the ground while wailing, pleading with Arashu to save him and cursing Kalahira's very name. He held that part of himself at bay, shrouding his mind in his battle sleep just enough to keep all but the gentlest waves of emotions from washing over him … so he could be strong for her. For his siha.

Horror washed over him, shredding his battle sleep, as he realized she couldn't hold on to all of the memories they shared together, not the way a drell could. When he left her, it'd be with nothing but the same handful of memories the other Shepards experienced, burned into their consciousnesses through repetition. The memories of other Thanes. Eventually, their time together would fade.

"Siha," he said, nearly flinching at the panic in his own voice as he tightened his grip on her hand.

Turning her head to look at him, fear danced in her eyes. "What? What happened? What's wrong?"

"No, I—my apologies … I only wanted …." His eyes felt damp, and certainly his throat intended to close entirely and suffocate him right then and there.

"Thane?" She shifted in her seat, turning to face him more fully. Pressing a hand to his cheek, her violet eyes drowned in worry.

The tears began to fall so fast, her face distorted in his vision. "I love you, siha. I love you with all that I am, and I …." He took a shuddering breath, his fingers trembling in her grip. "I fear one day, our time together will fade from your memories. I know you have the memories from Jane and the others, but the thought of you losing what we have together …."

He knew by the look in her eyes and the mask slipping over her face that she didn't believe it'd even be possible. He knew she didn't expect to survive the war, and something far worse than death awaited her if she remained unable to find a viable solution to whatever force created Jane and the others. Grabbing the back of her head, he pulled her closer, lips crushing hers as he tried to convey something to her which he didn't quite understand himself enough to put into words. As he tasted the hint of mint on her tongue, he realized the last night they spent together making love on the Citadel, some part of him already feared his death through the loss of her memories far more than he feared the death of his flesh.

The shuttle landed, the sounds of rain easing, and he broke the kiss. Pressing his forehead to hers, he held her there a moment longer, tears still streaming down his face, and he said, "You must live, siha. You are so much stronger than this thing that binds you and the others. You must live and make yourself whole again."

Steps faltering when his roaming gaze snagged onto his son, Thane tightened his grip on Shepard's hand. He didn't feel certain he'd be able to convince himself to keep moving toward Kolyat if she wasn't there with him. As much as he wanted to be a part of Kolyat's life and to try, no matter how fruitlessly, to make up for the past, he didn't want Kolyat to see him wither and die. Kolyat was no longer a child, though, and if he wished to stay by his father's side during the darkest moments, it was his decision to make … and Thane needed to respect his choice.

The crowd parted, and Thane saw Rone and Kolyat's other uncle, Drali, waiting next to him. When Drali spotted Thane, he flashed a disarming smile. A moment later, Rone's and Kolyat's gazes sought him out, and the three began moving toward Thane and Shepard. Thane's pulse quickened, not enough to be concerning, but certainly more than enough to cause him shame. They were his family, he shouldn't wish to flee from them. And yet he did.

Distracting himself, he leaned in a little closer to Shepard and kept his voice low as he told her, "Irikah's youngest brother, Drali. He's … very enthusiastic—much like The Unwed. He has spent much of his time away from Kahje and taken on behaviors of many other species, particularly humans and asari. You might find his personality to be rather … vibrant in comparison to myself, Feron, and even Kolyat."

She smiled, curiosity and mischief dancing in her eyes a moment before fading once more. "I promise not to shoot him."

He chuckled, lifting their entwined hands to kiss her knuckles. "Let's pray he doesn't give you reason to want to."

"Father," Kolyat said as they approached, and then, to Thane's surprise and delight, he held his arms open for an embrace.

Letting go of Shepard's hand, Thane stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his son. "Kolyat, I've missed you."

"And I you." Releasing Thane, Kolyat took a step back and tucked his hands behind his back before bowing slightly to Shepard. "Thank you, Commander, for returning him from your mission safely." Before she could respond, he turned slightly toward Drali and waved a hand in the other drell's direction. "Allow me to introduce my uncle, Drali, and of course, you've met Rone."

Thane fought to keep the surprise from his face. Indeed, his time spent with his aunts and uncles seemed to have helped recenter Kolyat. He carried himself with decorum, quite unlike the last time Thane saw him in person. Heart swelling with pride as he looked over his son, Thane watched Kolyat with a smile on his face.

"Ah, the famed human Spectre, Commander Shepard!" Drali closed the space between the two of them, grabbed Shepard by the shoulders, and—ignoring her tense stance and widened eyes—kissed her on the cheek. "It's wonderful to meet you. I feel like I should ask for an autograph!"

Chuckling, she handled the situation with as much grace as ever. "You wouldn't be the first. It's a pleasure to meet you." Edging closer to Thane when Drali let her go, she turned her attention to Rone. "And it's good to see you again."

Rone smiled and dipped his head. "As it is you."

"Brother," Drali said, voice losing the jovial tone it carried a moment before, as he moved to embrace Thane. "I was so saddened to hear of your condition. If there is anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask."

Thane leaned into the gesture when Drali pressed his cheek against Thane's. Many years passed since he'd last seen the sand-colored drell, and only rarely before that, but he found he rather liked the kind-hearted nature of the normally playful man. "My thanks." Pulling back, Thane settled a hand on Drali's shoulder and squeezed. "And you, Brother, how are you?"

Drali smirked and lifted his brow ridge. "At the moment: jealous."

Confused, Thane tilted his head slightly. "Indeed?"

"Mmm, yes." Drali glanced at Shepard, and his grin widened. "You've managed to win the heart of the galaxy's most famous and beautiful human."

Shepard snorted, an embarrassed sounding chuckle escaping her mouth, and Drali's eyes flashed with triumph.

Thane smiled, moving his hand from Drali's shoulder to the back of the man's neck, giving him a little shake. "Indeed. She's also the galaxy's most dangerous human, so perhaps you shouldn't test your luck, Brother."

~696969~

Saying goodbye to Thane was more difficult than she'd hoped, trying so hard to convince herself that leaving him on Kahje with his family was a good thing. She wished to all hell Garrus had come planetside with them, because the moment she stepped away from Thane, it felt like her whole world came crashing down around them once again. If not for the others keeping her on her feet and propelling her toward the domed city's exist, she might've collapsed right there in the middle of the commons area.

Thane had been willing to allow Garrus to join them, for her sake, but she didn't want to cause a stir among the hanar. Not when she still needed to talk to the Illuminated Primacy. Fat, heavy drops of warm rain assaulted her when she left the protection of the dome, the humidity making her feel as if she were trudging through the sea itself. Crawling back into the shuttle, she closed the door behind her and took a seat. Resting her elbows on her knees, she scrubbed water from her face and hair before letting out a sigh and glancing toward the front of the shuttle.

"Are you ready for this?" she asked Feron, the drell having been the ideal person to navigate the shuttle down to Kahje's surface and play tour guide.

He glanced over his shoulder at her, giving her a soft smile. "Whenever you are, Shepard."

Sucking in a deep breath, she rubbed a hand over her face again and said, "Let's get this over with."

The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as she and Feron walked side by side through the darkness. For some reason, when the drell told her if she wanted to speak to the Illuminated Primacy, they'd have to go into 'the caves', she didn't think he meant it literally. The only light to guide their path was the bioluminescence of hanar coming and going from the cave. She thought about turning on her omni-tool's flashlight app, but something about the solemness of the atmosphere and the way Feron moved once inside told her it'd probably be perceived as an insult.

So, she had to rely on the potentially-indoctrinated-more-or-less-a-stranger agent of the Shadow Broker to lead her to her destination instead. It comforted the others knowing they could rip the drell to shreds in seconds if he did anything stupid. She really didn't want to have to hurt Feron, though, knowing how much he meant to Liara.

Would've meant to Liara.

The tunnel system opened up into a vast cavern, bioluminescent algae climbing the walls and filling crevices in the stone. The back of the cavern led down into a pool of water, likely fed directly from the ocean. Hanar swam in the water, their flashes of light turning the pool into a beautiful light show. Others hovered, clustered together with one another, speaking only in silent flickers of light.

Shepard started to head toward the nearest group, but Feron grabbed her upper arm, pulling her to a halt. She looked at him, confusion and annoyance the most prominent emotions they felt, ready to knock him on his ass. Wide-eyed, he gave them a slight shake of his head and tugged, urging her back to his side. Sighing, she crossed her arms and waited, willing to follow his lead for the time being. A moment later, a group of four hanar made their way from the pool at the back of the cave and wandered over to Shepard and Feron, their attention fixed on the drell.

"These ones are surprised to see a human in The Halls of the Enkindlers," one of them said.

"I present the Council Spectre, Commander Shepard," Feron said, waving at her before taking a step back.

With the formal introduction, the four hanar turned toward her, acknowledging her directly for the first time.

"The Illuminated Primacy welcomes you, Spectre Shepard," another spoke.

Shepard felt fairly certain they knew damn well who she was right from the start, but it didn't really make a difference to her. "Thank you. I've come to talk about what the hanar and drell are doing to prepare for the reaper invasion."

Three hours into her 'conversation' with the Illuminated Primacy and Shepard wanted to rip out her own hair. "No," she said, stern voice echoing off the walls of the mostly empty chamber they'd taken her to, for privacy's sake. "It's not enough. You don't understand. The reapers don't give a shit about your planetary defenses. They're not going to see your big fucking guns and think, 'Oh, maybe we should just skip the hanar this Harvest.'"

She stopped her pacing and sucked in a slow, deep breath, habit leading her into the breathing exercises Thane taught her. Turning, she looked at the assembly of hanar and drell electives. "The only way any of us are going to survive this war is if we all work together. Think about it for a moment. The hanar worship the Protheans … what do you suppose happened to them? If they weren't able to stave off the reapers' attacks with all of their advanced technology and might, what in the world makes you think the hanar can do it alone?"

The room erupted into a cacophony of hanar and drell voices as everyone began speaking at once, some to her, some to each other. Feron slunk off to the shadows shortly after the meeting began, but she felt him watching her nevertheless. She suspected he was recording her, taking notes to add to the Shadow Broker's archives, but she didn't give a damn. Flaring with biotics, Shepard drew everyone's attention back to her.

Allowing the blue flames to dwindle with the noise, she said, "I understand how important it is for the hanar to protect Kahje. I know these waters serve as a cradle for your young, and if anything were to poison the waters in whatever form, your entire species would be at risk of extinction." Gaze roaming over the crowd, she took in hanar and drell alike. "I know how close to extinction the drell already are. Please understand that I'm not asking you to take this kind of risk lightly. The reapers are coming. We're running out of time, and if we don't work together, we're all dead."

"What exactly are you asking of us, Spectre?" It was a drell's voice, feminine sounding, but Shepard didn't catch who spoke the words.

The room fell utterly silent while they awaited her response. She lowered her gaze, shifting into parade rest, and focused on her breathing for a moment. "The homeworlds will be among some of the first to be hit when the reapers arrive, and they will be hit the hardest. The loss of the Council homeworlds along with Irune will cause the most devastating blows to the galactic community as a whole; disrupting communications, trade, the reallocation of credits, the movement of fighting forces, access to resources including fuel and food, particularly for the dextro species. Major pressure points like the Citadel will become overrun with refugees, the lack of adequate space and supplies to support their numbers will cripple these hubs."

Scanning the crowd again, she continued, head held high. "The hanar may not be able to aid the galaxy in ground-based combat, but you can prepare your fleets for strikes from orbit, air, and sea. So do that, and be prepared to take them where they're needed most, wherever that may be.

"The Compact has trained many drell to complete specialized tasks. Yes, many of those skills are for mundane things which may not seem to have any use in the war, but I am certain there will be a need for every skill imaginable. Others," she said, swallowing back a rising lump in her throat as she thought of Thane, "have been trained in various forms of warfare from all out combat to espionage and assassination. Put their skills to use to serve the galaxy as a whole and not just the hanar." Some part of her felt surprise at the lack of denial from the hanar when she mentioned assassins.

She paced a few, slow steps, thinking through what to say next. "Drell who aren't personally beholden to The Compact, consider what you might be able to do to lend aid. If you want to help but you aren't sure what to do, contact me, and I will personally find a place to put you to work where you'll best be able to help if need be.

"In the meantime, the hanar and drell can work to produce and stockpile valuable resources and commodities. Medi-gel, food, medicines, clothing, blankets … you get the point." Letting out a deep breath, she let her last words linger, giving everyone the chance to think over what she'd said.

Several long minutes passed in utter silence, not even a single flash of bioluminescence.

"This one is curious as to how long we have to prepare." A hanar on her far left was the first to break the standstill.

"Weeks," Shepard said, "two or three months at most. Like I said, we're running out of time. The Council has been sitting on this, denying it to the public since Saren and Sovereign attacked the Citadel. I tried my best to put out a warning, and I'm still out here trying to pull everyone together, but soon, I'll be on the front lines and all of you will have to work through these things on your own."

One of the hanar separated from the pack to move out onto the floor. "The Illuminated Primacy has heard your words, Spectre Shepard, and it has found the wisdom in what you speak."

"As do we," said one of the drell as she stepped forward and bowed to Shepard.

~696969~

Thane stood in front of one of the clear panels, gazing out of the window and off toward the direction of the Normandy, if it still waited above the massive blanket of clouds covering Kahje. He wondered if Shepard had any success in convincing the Illuminated Primacy to heed her advice for war preparations. He'd done everything within his power to ensure her presence in The Halls of the Enkindlers wouldn't cause an uproar. His reach only went so far, however, and his siha had a tendency to become frustrated when she believed someone behaved foolishly. He would've liked to have gone with her, but the strain of his lungs made it impossible to spend so much time outside of the environment controlled city.

"Father?"

Glancing over his shoulder before turning to face his son, Thane tucked his hands behind his back. "Kolyat." He smiled and shook his head. "It's irrational, but a part of me still expects to see a child every time I look at you. Ah, but you have grown into such a handsome man."

Kolyat gave him an almost wry smile and stepped further into the room. "Many beautiful women agree with you."

Thane chuckled, but his laughter shifted into a coughing fit. He covered his mouth with a fist and averted his gaze, turning to hide his suffering from Kolyat as much as he could. His chest burned, and for a moment, his vision darkened around the edges before the attack abated.

"There's a hospital on Enkindler's Pass, it's said to be the best for Kepral's Syndrome care."

Bowing his head, Thane took a moment to stare at the speck of blood left on his hand before brushing it away with his thumb. "There is nothing they can do for me." Sighing, he turned to look at Kolyat once more. "The disease has progressed beyond any current treatments. I haven't long at all left, Kolyat, and I don't wish to die in a hospital."

"How long?" Kolyat asked, jaw twitching with his suppressed emotions.

"Dr. Solus last examined me three days ago." Thane glanced out the window for a second or two before turning his attention back to Kolyat. "He said no more than a few weeks … it may be less on Kahje, but I wish to be at home, with you. Please try to understand, my son."

With a biting, bitter edge to his voice, Kolyat waved a hand. "What other choice have I, Father?"

"Hello, siha," Thane said, watching the flashing light on his console which informed him the device was actively recording. "Perhaps it is overly sentimental of me, but I can't ignore my fears. I choose to believe you will survive this war, and I don't wish for you to ever forget the time we shared together. So, I have decided to send you … mementos. A few precious memories I hold the most dear. I think I'll start with the time we first met." He pulled the memory forefront, allowing it to fill his awareness and gave over to the urge to put words to the scene playing out in his mind's eye.

"I move through the Citadel, tracking the flow of the crowd to follow the path of least resistance. I draw no attention to myself, make no contact as I pass by. Despite the rarity of my species, no one takes notice of a drell walking amongst them. Why would they? Those who are given leave to move freely throughout the Presidium rarely see beyond whatever shiny things sparkle at them from store windows.

"I detect a shift in the atmosphere of the crowd, a disturbance of some sort in the direction from which I came. I keep moving, putting distance between myself and whatever has caused the upset. I realize the disturbance seems to be moving through the crowd at a more rapid rate, not far behind me. Gaining on me. I am being followed.

"I … lead my pursuer to an alley. Jump. Grab the ladder and climb to the catwalks to wait. A human, female … dark hair. Well armed and armored. She glances toward the catwalks, and I recognize her face. Humanity's Spectre, Commander Shepard.

"I lower myself, drop from the catwalks. Feet silent as I land behind her, she doesn't even flinch. My hands slide around smooth, warm skin, hair brushing across my hands as I prepare myself to snap her neck. 'Why are you following me, Spectre?' She stands quite still, evidence of her training and intelligence. Most would try to turn, fight. They would die for their efforts.

"'You know who I am?' There is a hint of excitement … hope to her voice. 'Everyone knows who you are. You are the first human Council Spectre; Alliance Commander Shepard. I will ask you again: Why are you following me, Spectre?' She hesitates. 'I'm not sure.' Her words sound honest enough, but they are nonsensical. 'Forgive me if I do not believe that you randomly chose someone to follow into a dark alley.'

"'No, it wasn't random. But you wouldn't believe the truth if I told you, Krios.' My name from the lips of a stranger drains the heat from my body. 'You know my name. You speak it with familiarity.' Patience for this woman's games runs thin. 'Yes. You're Thane Krios.' Few know my name, even fewer associate my name with my face. For a Spectre to know both, does not bode well. It alone is enough for me to send her to the sea, but I wait. I need to know her intentions. 'Then you also know exactly how unwise it was for you to follow me.' She hesitates again. 'In hindsight, yes.'

"Nothing the woman says makes any sense. Shift my fingers against her neck, find her pulse. Rotate her head, force her to meet my gaze, watching her pupils. Still, she makes no effort to resist. 'Have you come to attempt to arrest me?' Pupils dilate briefly, eyelids opening wider, neck muscles twitch as her head attempts to retract. Shock. Pupil dilation reverses, constricts. Brows furrow, lips turn down slightly. Disgust. 'What? No!' She has not come to apprehend me, and the thought disturbs her. Interesting.

"'To kill me?' Anger flashes through her eyes, pupils return to normal size, jaw twitches. 'Absolutely not.' I am intrigued but remain cautious. 'I am a man of patience by trade, Spectre, but I will not wait all day.' She stares into my eyes as if willing me to see her truth. 'In just over two years, you're going to join me to take down a race known as the collectors. By that point, they will have abducted several human colonies. I will find you again on Illium when you make your move to kill an asari named Nassana Dantius, and ask you for help.' Her eyes convey no lies; her pulse remains unnervingly steady.

"I do not know what to make of her insinuations. I wonder if she has gone mad. Perhaps with the reaper indoctrination she argues with the Council about. 'What evidence do you have to support your claims?' She scoffs, the sound discordant with her current predicament. 'That's the question of the year.' Licks her lips, swallows. 'You're a religious man, Krios. Does your religion cover anything on reincarnation? Repeated lives? A chance to right whatever you did wrong?'

"At a loss and shaken to my core, I stare at her, saying nothing. Neither does she speak. Her gaze begins to roam over my face, drifting down to my lips. I detect the increase in her body heat, pupils begin to dilate, pulse quickens. It is the faint shift in her pheromones that strikes me as most odd. She is aroused. My brow ridge twitches unexpectedly. Slowly, I turn her head so she can no longer see me. Confused. Irritated. Curious. Disturbed. Emotions slipping past my battle sleep. 'You believe your words to be truth. Your lack of forethought will not cost you your life by my hand this day.' I release her and step away, watching her as she remains perfectly still. I turn and step into the shadows."

Blinking to clear the memory, he took a shaky breath, fighting the tears stinging the backs of his eyes. "I often wish I'd joined you that day. Of course I can't know where it would leave us now, but the idea of a missed opportunity to spend more time by your side …. I love you, siha, and I pray for your strength in the days to come. Please, call me when you have the chance and tell me how your visit with the Illuminated Primacy went." He forced a teasing smile on his face, wanting the video to bring only pleasant feelings for her. "There is no news of a mass slaughter at The Halls of the Enkindlers, so I take this as a sign of your success."