Chapter 03: Back in Command

Shepard leaned against the wall, arms crossed loosely beneath her breasts. The blue hologram waited patiently across from her, the refresh rate calm and soothing despite the continued lack of empathy in EDI's voice. Sucking in a deep breath, Shepard let her arms drop to the sides and then blew the breath back out forcefully enough to make her hair flutter. Scrubbing her hand over her face, she pushed off the wall and began pacing back and forth in front of Spike's tank, the thorned serpent studying her movements through the glass.

"Yeah …" she finally said. "Send out a signal. If the rachni queen hasn't been captured yet, getting them involved now might give us a bit of an edge."

"Very well." EDI waited a moment before asking, "Is there anything else I can do for you, Shepard?"

The AI's coldness was beginning to feel like adding insult to injury, a slap in the face, and yeah, it stung. "Reach out to Legion and see if the geth have what they need to finish Ket'yah and get started on repairing the next habitable city." Huffing, she shook her head. "It seems like a goddamned waste of resources. The reapers will probably just wipe out the reconstruction, but hell ..."

"It's a necessary waste if you wish to reunite the quarians before the reapers arrive," EDI said, her tone making it clear she couldn't care less one way or the other. "Legion has expressed pleasure at your recovery and indicated he would like for you to visit Rannoch at your earliest convenience. He has denied the need for any further assistance in acquiring resources, as the Shadow Broker has helped to establish trade between Rannoch and nearby systems."

"Oh, good. That's good." Shepard nodded to herself, running through her mental list of current objectives. "Okay … um … let him know I do plan on visiting Rannoch, but I can't commit to a specific time at this point. If something changes, if he needs me there sooner, tell him to let me know, and I'll do my best."

"He has acknowledged your statements." The iris of the hologram fluttered opened and closed. "Is there anything else I can do for you, Shepard?"

"Ouch. I hate seeing her like this …." Jane said.

Lips parted, Shepard stared at the blue pawn in silence for a moment. "Yeah … I'd really like it if you turned your emotions back—reactivated those parts of your behavioral heuristics or whatever so I can just talk with my friend." She shook her head and turned for the door. "But what kind of friend would I be if I forced you to do something you didn't want to do." Stepping out into the hall, she pushed the button for the elevator. "I don't need anything else right now, EDI."

"Logging you out, Shepard."

~696969~

Garrus hummed, studying the exhaustion in Jack's eyes as she told him about the children's progress at Grissom Academy. He missed her, but the feeling was somehow subtle and distant with Dawn back, even if having Dawn back also meant they were headed straight for trouble. When he'd told Jack the good news, a very obvious wave of relief rolled across her face. He didn't need to ask to know she felt relieved as much for his sake as for Dawn's.

"Matt's up and moving around now." Jack smirked and shook her head. "Little shit is milking what happened for everything he can get out of me. He cost me three-hundred and fifty credits last night, guilting me into getting a gaming console to hook up to the infirmary's vid screen."

Mandibles fluttering, Garrus chuckled. "These kids are making you soft, Jack."

"Fuck you." She sneered at him as she spoke, but the words lacked any real venom and love danced in her eyes.

"Hmmm." He flicked a mandible and put a little extra rumble in his voice. "I'd love to, but you're busy playing biotics instructor to a bunch of children light years away."

She scoffed, but he saw her hunger in the way her pupils dilated, and her lips took on an almost predatory tilt before softening once more. "Where is Alliance, anyway?"

"Oh, you know," he said, waving his free hand back toward the cabin's door, "off doing Shepard things. Talking to the crew. Looking at the galaxy map … avoiding the cockpit as if the continued existence of the universe depends on it."

"It's really her, then? Not—" Jack popped her shoulders up and tilted her head. "Fuck, you know what I mean."

"Yeah." He hummed and took a deep breath. "It's really her. She's as much Dawn as I think is possible anymore."

"Good." Studying him for a moment, she nodded to herself as if whatever she found there helped her make a decision. "Tell her … tell her to give me a couple more weeks, if she can, but I'll be ready when she gets here."

He fluttered his mandibles. "Jack … you know if you need … hmmm. She'd understand—I understand—if you don't want to get back into this mess after what happened to—"

"I said I was going to be there, I'll fucking be there," she said, brow furrowed and lip lifted in a genuine sneer. "Shit, you think some cuntface like the Illusive Man is going to break me? He ain't shit but a scared little pussy. I'm not hiding like him, not like some bitch. Not from him, not from the reapers, not from anybody."

"Alright, alright." Garrus threw his hand up in surrender. "I'm, hmm, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to say anything like that ..."

"Well, then what the fuck are you trying to say, Garrus?" Fire danced in her eyes, and he knew he'd somehow managed to put himself right into her crosshairs. "Are you trying to say you don't want me there?" Biotic flames licked at her skin, but she either didn't notice or just didn't care. "If you're fucking done with me, just say it. I don't have time for this bullshit."

"Spirits, Jack …. Of course I want you here." He growled and flicked his mandibles, her attitude bringing out his own agitation. "But only if you really want to be here. I love you, and you know it, so stop with that crap."

Regret tugged at her features, and she lowered her gaze, giving him a good look at the top and side of her head, still healing scars cutting through her growing hair. "Does she still want me there?"

"What?" He flared his mandibles and shook his head with confusion. "Why would you even …. Yes, of course she does. Hell, she already has EDI trying to pinpoint the Illusive Man's location so she can come and get you before going after him again. She refuses to let it go, even with Miranda in charge of Cerberus, because she made a promise to you." Chuffing, he let out a sigh when she met his gaze again with damp eyes. "Why would you think she doesn't want you with us?"

"I fucked up," she said, voice cracking, "and he got away again because of me."

"Jack …." He hummed, wishing she was there with him already so he could pull her into his arms and hold her until she realized how ridiculous she was acting. "Trust me, that's the last thing on her mind. Yeah, she's annoyed he's still alive, but she's not blaming you. If anything, she's even more pissed because of what he did to you and to those kids you're looking after. When we find him, I wouldn't be at all surprised if she makes sure his death is slow and painful."

She sucked in a deep breath and rubbed her hand over her scalp. "Good, I don't plan on making it quick, either."

~696969~

Watching Thane's video for the third time in a row, Shepard wrapped her arms around herself and ignored the neverending stream of tears falling down her face. The deep, aching, twisting pain in her chest brought the others she shared a consciousness with to the forefront, their thoughts and emotions overrunning her own and dragging her down into the abyss, into the … the … the ...

"Amalgamation." The word cropped up, coming from one of the others just before they swallowed her whole.

Despite the agony, they reached over and hit the command on the console for the vid to replay.

Thane's face shifted on the screen, and he began speaking again. "Hello, siha. Perhaps it is overly sentimental of me, but I can't ignore my fears. I choose to believe you will survive this war—"

The door to the cabin slid open, drawing their attention away from the vid, though a part of them continued to listen even as their eyes found Garrus. He moved closer, studying the image of Thane on her laptop and hummed. Resting a hand on their upper back, he met their tear-streaked gaze.

"We're almost to Sur'Kesh," he said. "Mordin's waiting in the hangar. Do you want me to go down with you?"

"Yeah," they said, nodding their head and wiping tears from their eyes. Glancing back at the vid, they paused it and closed the laptop's lid. "Avalina, too." Pushing back from the desk, they stood and moved over to the top of the stairs before looking back over their shoulder. "We," they said and then stopped, realizing they'd referred to themselves as 'we'. Taking a deep breath, they licked their lips and changed what they'd intended to say, "We'll drop Mordin off at the STG base and then head to the meeting with the dalatrasses. Hopefully, by the time we're done there, he'll have the female krogans ready for transport to Tuchanka."

"Are you sure about Avalina?" He hummed and fluttered his mandibles before following her over to the stairs. "She seems alright, and Thane certainly trusts her, but … she was hit by that pulse, too."

Glancing over their shoulder as they descended the stairs, they said, "I'm not sure of anything anymore, Garrus."

Dawn managed to pull herself free—well, free enough—from the others to take control of things again on the shuttle ride down to Sur'Kesh. She kept her gaze steady on a spot of the interior wall a few inches away from Mordin's head, but she watched Avalina out of the corner of her eye. It was unnerving to think the asari had been inside of her head, seen all of her crazy … but if the commando had any doubts or concerns, she kept them to herself.

She'd filled Avalina in on the reaper invasion, from start to finish. Admittedly, it was kind of nice not having to try and lay out the whole stuck-in-a-cycle-doomed-to-repeat-the-war thing or trying to convince someone that she wasn't just completely insane. It also made the entire discussion go a whole hell of a lot quicker.

Avalina asked surprisingly few questions, and most of those had to do with what Shepard expected of her while a part of the team. All the while, Dawn and every other Shepard in her head studied the woman intently, looking for even the slightest hint of indoctrination. They didn't find anything unusual, but they also knew better than to simply offer blind trust to anyone. And Avalina was new. An unknown quantity. They didn't have any memories of her to draw on, and it made her dangerous for countless reasons.

At least Pelathya and Feron went back to the Shadow Broker's base. She liked Feron alright, but she really didn't need to worry about juggling three potentially indoctrinated and deadly people aboard the Normandy. Who was she kidding? Every last person she crossed paths with was potentially indoctrinated, including every damn person on the Normandy. She couldn't even say with any level of real certainty that she wasn't indoctrinated.

Garrus rumbled softly beside her, drawing her attention. She glanced up at him, taking in the worried flicker of his mandibles, twitch of his nose, and narrowed eyes. Reaching over, she took his hand in hers and gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze before returning her attention to the spot on the wall. Just having him next to her … she thought she might just have the strength to keep on fighting.

When the shuttle touched down, she moved to open the door for Mordin. The old salarian smiled at her and stepped outside, knapsack slung over his shoulder. She followed him out and closed the door behind her, leaving Garrus and Avalina alone in the shuttle. She knew—if he listened hard enough—Garrus would hear their conversation beyond the steel and ceramic, but it wasn't him she didn't want to eavesdrop.

"Mordin," she called after the retreating professor.

Stopping in his tracks, he turned back to her. "Shepard? Forget something?"

Closing the distance between them, she shifted her weight to one hip and crossed her arms. "No, I just wanted to say … I truly believe you're doing the right thing, and I hope, someday, you do, too."

He gave her the warm, grandfatherly smile of his and settled his hands on her shoulders. "Already do." He pulled her into an embrace and patted her back before letting her go again. "Now, patients waiting. Also," he said, holding up a finger, "dalatrasses waiting."

"I think I'd almost rather deal with sick krogans," she said with a snort, relieved to hear he'd come around to seeing the plan to cure the genophage as just. She wanted to talk to him about it, but he was right, they both had things to do. "Too bad I don't know anything beyond basic first aid; I'd let you deal with the dalatrasses."

A disdainful sniff slipped out of him and he said, "Dalatrasses more cantankerous than sick krogans."

~696969~

Every inch of James either ached or burned, but he didn't dare move a muscle or make a sound. He'd endure the pain so his Bonita Gatita would stay asleep, laying curled up on the hospital bed with him. The beds really weren't all that big, they barely supported him, to be honest, but Kasumi was such a tiny thing. She fit nicely in the little space left beside him when she lay on her side, arm and leg draped over him.

Emilio shook out an extra blanket and spread it out over Kasumi before quietly returning to his chair next to James' bed. His uncle really looked like he needed to sleep, too, but James knew better than to say anything about it to Emilio. Instead, he closed his eyes, knowing the narcóticos in his IV drip would soon drag him under, and then, only once James slept, would Emilio allow himself to doze off.

James said a silent prayer, something he didn't do nearly as often as he ought. He prayed the pain wouldn't be so bad the next day and his wounds would heal fast. He needed to get back to Shepard. Even though Ídola was back in command, she'd been through hell and still needed him. He knew what was coming, they all did, and no hay manera en el infierno was he going to ride it out in a hospital.