Extraneous

Avalina took one last glance around at the dense foliage surrounding the unimposing building before walking inside. It'd been countless cycles since she'd last stepped foot on Sur'Kesh, acting as a guard to a Thessian diplomat, but she didn't have an opportunity to really explore the planet then, either. She found salarians interesting, amusing, even. Their energy and curiosity reminded her of her daughter; when Tarava was still a child, young, innocent, and … alive.

Avalina really didn't know much about the Salarian Union, though, or truthfully even salarians as a people. Diplomacy and politics certainly weren't her strengths, either. Unless Shepard planned to kill the dalatrasses within the building, or perhaps blow up the building itself, she really wasn't sure why Shepard chose her for the mission. Although …. With Garrus present as well, the meeting would have at least one person from each of the Council races present. Perhaps it was Shepard's intent all along; a subtle manipulation tactic to give her an edge in the dalatrasses' eyes. Thane had told her to expect more from Shepard than she appeared on the surface; as if melding with the Spectre hadn't revealed so much more than anyone could ever expect by simply looking at the woman.

Refocusing her train of thought as a salarian stepped through a door and into the sterile environment of the foyer, Avalina offered the young woman a smile when their gazes met. The salarian blinked a few times before returning the gesture, her gaze sweeping over the three of them before settling on Shepard. Without hesitation, she strolled forward, heading straight for Shepard but drew up short when Garrus issued a low, barely audible rumble and flicked his mandibles. Avalina suppressed the urge to laugh, instead, allowing herself nothing more than a soft snort and smirk. The turian glanced at her, mandibles twitching, before turning his attention back to the salarian.

"Commander Shepard," the salarian said, swiftly recovering her nerve, "the dalatrasses have been informed of your arrival and await you inside. If you'll leave your weapons here …" She waved at an empty counter. "… I'll escort you inside."

"We're keeping our weapons. I'm a Council Spectre, and these two are under my command." Shepard shifted her weight, glancing back at Avalina as if reassuring herself of something. Turning her attention back to the suddenly alarmed salarian, she added, "We'll wait here while you inform whomever you need to of my decision."

A moment of silence filled the air before the salarian blinked and dipped her head. "Of course, if you'll give me just a moment …." Turning on her heel, she scurried out of the room.

When the door slid closed behind the salarian, Shepard glanced at Avalina again and said, "Rule number one."

"We never relinquish our weapons," Garrus said, mandibles flaring, a grin lifting his mouth plates.

Shepard smirked and added, "Ever."

Avalina chuckled and dipped her head. "A reasonable rule." She was going to enjoy working with Shepard.

~696969~

Loosley crossing her arms, Shepard leaned her hip against the edge of the partition separating her team from the cluster of salarians sitting at a table across the room. The dalatrass and her kin, those beneath her in the hierarchy of things, watched Shepard in silence while they waited for the other dalatrasses joining them through vid-calls to cast their votes. Salarians were nothing if not prompt and concise. They were a breath of fresh air after dealing with the hanar. Of course, it helped that Shepard had already secured cooperation with the STG through Kirrahe and Mordin, not to mention Councilor Valern's work to pave her way and get his people ready for an attack.

Memories of bickering with the dalatrass aboard the Normandy over whether or not to cure the genophage had bubbled to the surface every now and again, making it difficult for Shepard to stay focused on the conversations at hand. Still, she thought she'd done fairly well, and things seemed to move smoothly enough. It wasn't as if she was asking them to change much about what they were already doing. Hell, some of them seemed downright giddy with the potential scientific discoveries her suggestions offered.

"The votes are in," one of the aides said, drawing Shepard's attention back to the moment. "The Salarian Union has voted, unanimously, to divert resources into the research and development of mounted heavy-weapons capable of piercing reaper plating, synchronized mass weaponry, increasing the efficiency and damage capabilities of hand-held weaponry, lighter and more durable armor, as well as artificial intelligence targeted viruses, hacking, and disruptors."

"In addition," one of the dalatrasses on vid-call said, "we will send scientists to all homeworlds willing to accept our assistance to aid in researching and upgrading planetary and personal defenses, evaluate and inventory supplies, and increase the production of commodities such as food, medicines, and munitions."

"Councilor Valern has asked that we provide you with whatever resources you may require." The dalatrass from Shepard's memories—Shepard never did receive a name for the cranky, old woman—didn't seem at all pleased with the idea. She didn't need to be happy, though, she just needed to do her damn job. "Is there something else you need from us, Spectre?" Her tone made it clear she viewed Shepard as a burden, someone she placated out of obligation when she'd really rather demand Shepard get the hell off her planet.

"She's always a bitch," Jane said, the tone of her thoughts carrying her amusement. "It's just like Mordin said, the sick krogans are less of a pain in the ass than the dalatrasses."

Shepard agreed with Jane, but she didn't take the time to convey it with words. Instead, she shifted her weight and glanced at the vid-screens placed around the room before focusing on the woman sitting across from her in the flesh. "Yes. I'm taking the female krogans Dr. Mordin Solus has been caring for back to Tuchanka. I need you to agree to their release without argument." She held up a hand, palm outward, hoping to stave off the rebuttals to come. "Yes, I'm aware of their status, where they were found, and under what conditions. And yes, I realize they carry a potential cure for the genophage, and so does Urdnot Wrex. It doesn't matter. They're his people, taken from Tuchanka, and he wants them home. Holding them here goes against galactic law and risks provoking a war with the krogans."

The dalatrass scoffed and shook her head. "Doesn't matter? Commander, you clearly have no understanding of what the krogans are truly capable of. We cannot allow the release of these females—cannot allow the genophage to be cured!"

"When the reapers arrive, we're all going to need krogan cooperation. If we don't do everything in our power now to make sure everyone works together, no one will survive. But hey," Shepard said, flipping her hand through the air before tucking it back under her other arm, "at least the krogan will remain oppressed!" Shifting her weight to one hip, she took a deep breath and urged her voice back to something bland and neutral. "Returning the females now will help ensure krogan cooperation, I've already made arrangements with Urdnot Wrex. I'd like to take them peacefully, but I'm taking them with me either way; Spectre authority."

"Kirrahe," Shepard grinned, surprised to see the major waiting for her when the shuttle landed at the STG research facility again. Making her way over to him, she held out her hand. "It's good to see you."

"And you, Commander." Nodding, he shook her hand before falling into parade rest. "It's a relief to see you've recovered. You have my condolences."

Acid, thick and burning, filled her throat. She swallowed and her smile faltered. "Thank you." She didn't really know what else to say. It didn't really surprise her to learn Kirrahe knew she'd had a … breakdown or whatever the hell her 'condition' was reported as, but it sure left a bitter taste in her mouth despite the remaining hints of bile.

"Keep it together, Dawn." Jane's voice sounded calm and soothing, almost like a mother cooing to a toddler who'd fallen and skinned their knee. "You're okay. It's not a big deal, right?"

The irony of Jane being the voice of reason made Shepard want to laugh until she cried and then laugh all over again. "I'm good," she thought. "It's fine."

Kirrahe studied her a moment, but if he picked up on her discomfort, he didn't comment. Shifting, he waved a hand toward the back of the first level of the research facility. "Solus asked that I escort you to his labs to prevent any unfortunate incidents with security," he said with a smile.

Jane snickered. "'Unfortunate incidents.'"

Shepard snorted and nodded. "Probably a good idea." Gesturing over her shoulder, she added, "This is Avalina, she just joined us, and of course you know Garrus."

Kirrahe eyed Avalina. "Commando?"

"Former," Avalina said, sounding amused. "STG?"

"Current." Kirrahe gave her a quick nod before shifting his attention to Garrus. "It's good to see you again. How's Jack?"

Garrus let out a soft rumble followed by a hum. "Physically, she's fine. She's looking after the kids that Cerberus was experimenting on." He took a deep breath, and Shepard took his hand, squeezing his fingers. "Mentally, she's coming to terms, but she's still angry."

"Of course she is. Who wouldn't be?" Despite the blasé attitude of her words, the heartache Jane felt for both Garrus and Jack was strong enough to bring the sting of tears to Shepard's eyes.

"Anger is an understandable reaction, given the circumstances." Kirrahe pivoted and started walking toward the door, pleasantries apparently over with. "I'll take you to Solus."

Shepard gently tugged Garrus' hand, stopping him from following after the salarian for a moment. "Angry is sort of Jack's default setting." Shepard brushed her thumb over the back of Garrus' hand. "It's good, though, for her. It means she's refusing to allow what the Illusive Man did break her and keep her down."

Jane hummed her agreement. "Exactly. She's been through hell and back a few times over, but it's only made her more determined and deadly."

Leaning down, he bumped his forehead against hers and purred. "I know. She's strong, just like you." He chuffed. "Guess I have a type." Straightening himself, he flared his mandibles and cleared his throat. "Now, let's go see about these krogans so we can get to Tuchanka and deal with Wrex's ugly mug."

The Urdnot shaman stared at Shepard with the same unnerving, ancient wisdom as Samara had the first time they met in Dawn's lifetime. As if they saw something inside of her which escaped the awareness of everyone else she encountered. Shepard shifted under the scrutiny, ants crawling along her spine, and forced a smile on her face as Mordin kindly made formal introductions.

Shepard shook each of the krogans' hands, unflinching despite the fact the females were no gentler than the males of their species. "Are you ladies ready to go home?"

"Will need to transport in hyperbaric chambers." Mordin didn't give the krogans a chance to answer as he opened his omni-tool and started scanning them. "Free to move around ship; chambers can be stored in hangar until needed for descent to Tuchanka." He waved the omni-tool in front of Eve—Urdnot Shaman, Shepard had to remember to call the krogan Urdnot Shaman; not Eve and not Bakara. Nodding to himself, Mordin moved on to Gatatog Pamar. "Best to distribute weight and energy requirements of chambers across three shuttles. Asked Wiks and Kirrahe to aid in transport with STG shuttles."

"Sounds good." Shepard nodded, suddenly feeling … extraneous.

"You're not extraneous," Jane said, tone scolding.

"Aren't I?" Shepard thought in return.

They'd all moved on without her, learned how to take charge and handle things on their own. Not to say that Mordin was ever dependent on her in any way, none of them really were, but … they deferred to her command. Ran ideas past her and waited for her to give the green light before moving forward. She wasn't needed anymore. She could die the next day, and they'd keep fighting. They'd win the war, with or without her. The thought filled her with a strange flood of emotions ranging from pride to shame, leaving her unbalanced as the amalgamation of Shepards she shared consciousness with fell out of sync.

"No, you're not." A hint of annoyance seeped through the connection to Jane. "Even if—and it's a big fucking if—something happens to us and they handle shit on their own, we're still vital in the grand scheme of things. If not for us, Saren would've already opened the door for the reapers. They'd already be here. We'd all already be dead."

Pacing away from the group, Shepard put a palm against the wall and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I know, Jane," she whispered. "I know. I just need a minute …." It felt like she was drowning, losing herself in the sea. "They … they—"

"Dawn?" The concerned trill in Garrus' soft voice as he settled a hand on the small of her back tugged her back to the surface, letting her fill her lungs with damp, Sur'keshian air. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah," she said, using him as an anchor as she pulled herself together before turning to face him. "Just got overwhelmed for a second. I'm good."

"Are you sure?" His mandibles fluttered softly around his mouth, eyes focusing on her with a level of precision only a turian could pull off.

"Yeah." She brought a hand to his face and brushed her thumb over his mandible. "We'll talk about it later, okay? I promise."

"Will you?" It was as much a challenge as a genuine inquiry, but who could blame Jane when Shepard had a bad history of trying to keep things from Garrus.

"Yes," she thought. "I'm not hiding anything from him anymore. I've hurt him so much, and that's not something I ever wanted to do, not to him."

Stance relaxing, he nodded and turned his head to nuzzle against her wrist. "I'll hold you to it."

"I have no doubts." She chuckled and let her hand drop when he pulled away. "Alright," she said as she turned back to Mordin, finding a little steel to slip back into her spine. "Let's get them loaded up."

"Are you doing alright in there?" Shepard asked the shaman, watching her closely through the glass of her tank occupying the aisle of the shuttle.

Eve—Urdnot Shaman turned her head enough to look at Shepard. "Yes, thank you, Commander. It will be good to feel the heat of Aralakh once again." Her eyes crinkled as if smiling behind her veil. "Mordin tells me you are the one responsible for showing him the error of his ways. If this is true, then I suppose I owe you my life and the lives of generations to come."

"Nah, you don't owe me anything," Shepard said and then smirked. "Now Wrex, on the other hand …."

Urdnot Shaman let out a raspy chuckle. "He always spoke highly of you, as well. He said you convinced him to return to Tuchanka and knock some sense into our people."

It was Shepard's turn to laugh. "Well, I'm pretty sure those weren't my exact words, but it sounds like he's been doing a damn good job of uniting the clans." Leaning forward, she rested her elbows on her knees to better look down into the tank. "He needs help, though. A calming influence with authority at his side … someone like an Urdnot shaman, maybe?"

"There's something about your eyes, Commander. You are very, very old for one so young. I see much wisdom and strength in you but also a level of psychic wear well beyond your years." Urdnot Shaman turned her head, gaze moving to the ceiling of the shuttle. "Rest well tonight, Commander, knowing your words haven't been lost to The Void. I will make sure the krogan are as prepared as possible to face the reapers when they come."

~696969~

Garrus wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her down onto his lap as he sat on the edge of the bed. "What happened today? On Sur'Kesh?" He studied her violet eyes, praying to the Spirits she wouldn't try to brush it off or lie to him. His hold on her was tenuous, and she'd just come back to him. He doubted he'd be able to keep going if she slipped away again. His heart just couldn't handle it; perhaps literally.

She shifted a little on his knees, facing him a bit more directly, and settled an arm around his cowl. "While listening to Mordin, I realized that my stay in The Pearson Sisters' Sanctuary forced everyone to keep going, keep working on war preparations without me. I'm glad, of course. It's important for the galaxy to carry on the fight and win whether or not I'm around to lead the defense. But it just …."

"It just what?" He hummed, rubbing his hand up and down the curve of her waist and hip.

"I guess it made me feel useless. Pointless." She tipped her head back and sucked a slow, deep breath in through her nose. "We—the others … we all had different feelings on the matter and things got … tumultuous for a minute."

He chuffed and shook his head. "You are the last person anyone could ever call useless or pointless."

"I'm still a mess, Garrus. Maybe even a liability at times. It'd be one thing if I was the only one who could do this; if I was the only one who really knew what we're facing … but I'm not." Meeting his gaze again, she looked a little lost, and her scent conveyed a hint of sadness. "I've passed on everything. To EDI, Anderson, you, the Shadow Broker …. I'm just not really needed anymore."

He growled and tightened his grip on her hip. "You are needed. I need you. Thane needs you. The whole damn galaxy needs you. We didn't stop needing you just because we did what we had to do without you or because you already provided us with vital information to fight this war. You are the heart of this resistance, Dawn. You are our morale."

Spirits, how can you not know this?

Giving him a weak smile, she leaned in and pressed her forehead to his, and he closed his eyes. "I love you, Garrus. I'm fighting to hold on, to keep it together for you. I'm not so sure you're right, though. And that's okay. I'm not giving up, not going anywhere so long as I have any say in the matter."

Wrapping his other arm around her waist, he laced his fingers together and let out a grumbling rumble. "I love you, too, but you're wrong."

She snorted and lifted her head, so he opened his eyes and met her gaze. Their gaze, he supposed. She wasn't alone in there, she never really was, but it used to be a lot easier for him to pretend otherwise. He saw them, though, looking back at him through her eyes.

"And …" He fluttered his mandibles and swallowed. "… if any of the rest of you think the same thing, then you're wrong, too."

She moved the arm around his cowl and lifted her hand, ghosting her fingertips over his crest. He didn't know how he knew, what made him feel so sure, but it wasn't Dawn touching him just then. Bringing her other hand up, she pressed her palm to the side of his face and then kissed him. Her lips were soft, pliant, against his mouth plates, but she kept it innocent.

Pulling away again, she met his gaze and whispered, "We don't know what we'd do without you, Garrus. There's no Shepard without Vakarian."

He hummed and leaned in to nip her lower lip. "There's no Vakarian without Shepard."

The scent of her growing arousal filled the air, calling to him. She slipped her hand beneath his crest, kneading the hide beneath, and he purred, a reflex as much as anything else. She kissed him again, lips parting and tongue teasing his mouth plates. He wasn't completely sure it was the best idea when she was referring to herself as 'we', but her touch weakened him in a way no one else's ever had. He opened his mouth and slid his tongue around hers, savoring the warmth of her mouth. She moaned and pushed in closer against him. Unlacing his fingers, he squeezed her waist, acutely aware of the building pressure behind his plates.

Breaking the kiss, he pressed his forehead against hers. His chest heaved with his restraint, but he needed to know before things went any further. He needed to know she was still with him, and it wasn't wrong of him to desperately want to be inside of her even when ... "Dawn—you're still—I mean …. You're, hmmm …." A trill escaped his throat laced with frustration and confusion as he struggled to put words to his thoughts, feelings, and desires. Damn it, he wanted her, no matter how many other Shepards were in there with Dawn. And maybe so long as she was aware in there and wanted it, too, it wasn't such a bad thing.

"Shh." She brushed her thumb along his mandible and said, "I'm still here, but they're a part of me, Garrus. Now more than ever. I don't think I'll ever be just Dawn."

Trepidation filled his nostrils, rolling off of her in thick waves. He pulled back to meet her gaze, finding fear in her eyes. He rumbled and brought a hand to her face, mimicking her gesture by brushing his thumb along her jaw bone. Spirits, he loved her more than life itself. He'd loved many of them, apparently. He'd never forget the faces he saw inside her head when Avalina took him and Thane inside of her mind. So many eyes latched on to him like he was the first drop of water they'd laid eyes on in years. He'd felt so much love coming off of them ….

"I love you, Shepard," he said, choosing to use the name they all had in common. He swallowed and traced a fading scar along her cheek with a talon. "I always have, and I always will. So, hmmm …." He chuckled at his own awkwardness, thinking that part of him was long lost in his past. "I might need a little guidance here."

She closed the space between them and kissed him, lips lingering on his mouth plates as she whispered, "Make love to us, Garrus."