Dawn Survives
Inviting David Archer to join the Normandy wasn't exactly a well thought out plan, so it wasn't as if Shepard invested a lot of time or energy into the notion, but she thought it could work. Hell, she'd even thought he might take the offer—for about five seconds.
Instead, and she supposed it shouldn't come as a surprise, the man opted to ride out the war on Rannoch. Maybe a small part of her was just the tiniest bit disappointed.
"EDI, please contact the Admiralty Board and Legion. I need you to confirm that they find my offer to Mr. Archer acceptable. We also need to ensure they're aware of David's unique situation and needs as well as his skills and capabilities." Less than a second past before an unsettling thought popped into her mind, so she hastily added, "Oh, and … just in case, make it clear I consider him to be under my personal protection, both as a Spectre and as an ally to the quarians and geth."
She didn't anticipate any issues, but given the socio-political environment on Rannoch, and the fact that neither the quarians nor the geth spent much time outside of clusters of their own people, it didn't seem wise to send David into a culturally immersive situation without safeguards. After all, he was a traumatized, neurodivergent alien who'd lived an equally isolated life. His communication skills and ability to read social cues came with major limitations even when working with humans. And, he'd managed to subjugate geth heretics while strapped into that machine of his brother's. Even without it, he knew how to communicate with geth in a way quarians never could.
"Fuck," Shepard thought, mostly to herself but also to Jane, "the more I think about this, the more it sounds like a terrible idea. I'm not sure about any of it. About anything, anymore." Her armor started feeling heavier than usual, and her pulse throbbed out its rapid drumbeat inside her skull. "There's actually a lot of shit that can go wrong here. What the hell am I thinking? This is a shitshow waiting to happen. Oh, and Daro-Xen. What happens when she learns about Project Overlord? There's no real way to keep it from her." Acid churned in her stomach, and she thought she might very well get sick. She just wanted the day to be over with; wanted to crawl back into her bed and let everything else in the galaxy slip away.
"Breathe, Dawn. Just breathe." Jane's tone stayed level, an uncanny calm in the middle of a storm.
The amalgamation took over, doing as Jane suggested and taking a deep breath. The rush of air into their oxygen-starved lungs made their head spin for a second, and they swayed gently on their feet. Garrus hummed, the iris on his visor contracting as he watched her every move.
She forced a smile on her face, instinct and a lifetime of leaning on no one but herself driving her to pretend everything was okay. In reality, she wanted to pull him aside and just unload everything going on in her mind—right there in the middle of David's quarters with everyone there to watch her fall apart. She wanted to hide her face in the crook of Garrus' neck and just stay there forever. She didn't want to be 'Commander Shepard', and she didn't want to be in charge of anything anymore because everything was just too goddamn hard and every decision she made turned to shit. If she could get Joker killed, she could definitely get David killed, too.
"David will be fine," Jane snapped and then paused. Much calmer when she spoke again, she continued, "Daro-Xen is creepy, and yes, she definitely has the whole mad-scientist vibe down, but she's not going to hurt anyone. And even if she did get it in that twisted little head of hers to lay a finger on David, she wouldn't dare knowing the hell you'd rain down on her. Besides, we have friends on Rannoch who'll look after him, and we can always have a private talk with the other admirals, the ones we trust, to help ensure his safety."
"Legion expressed pleasure in the anticipation of a rewarding working relationship with David," said EDI, recapturing Shepard's full attention. "He has disseminated the necessary information to the other geth in his vicinity, and while some have not yet indicated their thoughts on the matter, Legion would like to remind us that a consensus is no longer necessary among the geth prior to decision making. As they are still learning about themselves, their creators, and the larger, galactic society since the EDI-RC upgrade, most geth have opted to limit their input on such matters for the time being." EDI paused, blue hologram flickering a moment. "In short, he would be happy to have David on Rannoch, but he believes the ultimate decision belongs to the Admiralty Board, especially since David will be consuming resources which are irrelevant to the geth."
"That doesn't sound very reassuring," Shepard muttered, barely audible to her own ears, and scraped her teeth over her lip.
"You call that short?" Jack snorted. "That's way more than I've ever heard him speak at once, you sure he said all of that?"
"There's nothing either of us can do to bring Joker back." The pain in Jane's voice was every bit as real as the hole in Dawn's heart, the one that just refused to heal. "But you cannot spend the rest of your life paralyzed by every choice you have to make. You can't, Dawn. You just can't. There's still too much work to be done, and if you—if we don't suck it up and handle business in this war, none of it's going to matter anyway. Trust me, if I thought this was a stupid idea, I'd tell you, and so would every last one of those Shepards you vaccummed up. You're not alone in this, and we've all made decisions that bit us in the ass one way or another. But we kept going, kept fighting, and kept making the hard calls because we had to. This thing with David isn't even a hard call."
"It's called paraphrasing," EDI said, the sarcasm so potent, Shepard closed her eyes and almost believed Joker was sitting right next to the AI's access node, sharing in the conversation. "He actually said:" The all too familiar, and entirely incomprehensible, sounds of digital data being modulated into an audio frequency filled the air.
Jane was right, and maybe … maybe Dawn needed to remember that Jane and the others, the amalgamation, all of it … were assets. She knew she didn't have to always make the hard calls by herself, she had a good, solid team she trusted and bounced ideas off of regularly. She couldn't call for a debrief fifty times a day, of course, but it didn't mean it rested on her shoulders alone. Not if she didn't want it to. Her viewpoints on things were just that, single points of view. Her opinions weren't superior just because they were hers and not theirs, and fighting so hard to assert herself and her desires as more 'real' or 'correct' had gotten her nowhere but hobbled by anxiety and self-doubt.
David smiled, small at first, and then chuckled. "Thank you, EDI, I will. Ms. Nought, EDI asked me to tell you—"
"Whatever." Jack rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Don't let her trick you into doing her dirty work. I don't even want to know what she said."
Shepard smiled, the moment somehow so painfully bittersweet, she didn't trust herself to say anything outloud or even laugh without more tears forcing their way from her eyes.
"Wait," Jane said, all of the bite gone from her voice, "did Jack just get played by EDI?"
"Looks like," Shepard thought, appreciating the fact that Jane chose not to harp on the subject or use her fears against her.
"I, on the other hand," Garrus said, having no trouble with laughter himself, "would love to know what she said."
"I simply requested David tell Jack that I've never heard her speak so much, and all while not having anything really worth saying." Laden with enough snark to raise Shepard's brows sky-high, EDI added, "I didn't even think she was capable of saying so much without resorting to the constant use of foul language and threats of physical violence. I'm impressed."
Jack hissed. "Bitch," she said, the word ending in a chuckle as she lifted the corner of her lips in a smile. Instantly, her brow furrowed, smile retreating. "Oh, right." She looked at David. "Sorry."
"Perhaps I spoke too soon," said EDI.
Shepard snorted, shoulders shaking with her amusement. All of the tension and fear from just a few moments before drained away, but it didn't go far. It never went far.
"I don't mind." David shifted his weight, glancing toward the door as a bell rang in the halls.
"Tali has notified me that she and the other Admirals are discussing the request." A moment later, EDI added, "They will have an answer for you by the setting of Tikkun in Rannoch's skies."
"Which is …?" Shepard arched a brow.
EDI said, "Tikkun will set over Tali's current location in approximately four and a half hours by Earth's standard time measurements."
"Great, thanks for your help, EDI." Shepard smiled at the blue pawn hovering over her opened omni-tool.
"Of course, Shepard." The hologram turned toward David. "Goodbye, David. Take care of yourself." Collapsing the image, the orange screen returned to Shepard's omni-tool, as EDI disconnected the call.
"David, I'll reach out to Kahlee Sanders as soon as I know the details so she can help with any preparations or special accommodations." Shepard closed her omni-tool. "Is that alright with you?"
"Yes. It's time for me to eat dinner, now," David said, already angling his body toward the door. "Goodbye." And with that, he walked out of the room, leaving Shepard and the others alone in his quarters.
"Hey," Shepard said, snagging onto Garrus' arm as he passed through the airlock and pulling him to a halt. She waited for Jack and Grunt—already lost in some conversation involving the best ways to cause The Illusive Man the most amount of pain before finally letting him die—to put a little distance between them before she spoke again. "I'm … we …." She looked up into his beautiful, blue eyes, struggling to find the words to tell him she just wasn't ready. She'd tried. Tried so, so hard to pull it together for him, for the war, for everything, but she felt like she was drowning.
"You are ready," Jane said, the encouragement in her voice as raw and real as anything. "You're just … getting your strength back and need a little more downtime than usual. That's all."
Mandibles flaring softly, he raised his brow plates. "You're feeling overwhelmed today," he said as if to offer her the words to finish her statement.
She swallowed and nodded, taking a shuddering breath.
"I know." He hummed, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her against his chest. "And it's okay." He kissed the top of her head and adjusted his grip, holding her tight. "I've got you, Dawn. Whatever you need. Any of you. Anything." There was a conviction in his voice, but a sadness, too. Pulling back enough to meet her gaze, he said, "Just tell me what you need."
"I need you two to play nice." She offered him a wry smile.
Jane perked up, attention suddenly and completely riveted on the conversation at hand. "Seriously?"
He searched her gaze, understanding settling easily into place. "How long will she be … when will you …."
"I'll be there for Jack, when it's time." Sucking in a deep breath, she said, "Trust her and follow her lead, Garrus. She's doing better, now, and she earned her bars and stripes. And if for some reason things go south, I'll be able to pull the plug, okay?"
"It won't go south." The earnestness in Jane's voice coated the back of Shepard's tongue. "Not because of me. I promise."
Chuffing, Garrus nodded. "Now?"
"Depends." She gave him a teasing smile, but she was only half joking. "How strong are you feeling?"
He flicked a mandible. "Strong enough to keep you from mopping the floor with your face even on my worst of days." He shifted a foot back, bracing himself despite the big talk. Chuckling, he butted his head against hers, "Go ahead, I won't let you fall. Just be quick if you don't want to make a scene."
She let out a long, soft, sigh, already feeling the weight slipping off of her shoulders. "Thank you. I love you, Garrus." She closed her eyes and opened the door for Jane.
~69696969~
"My, my," Jane muttered, face pressed against the warm ceramic of Garrus' breastplate. "What big, strong arms you have."
Garrus chuffed, his grip loosening enough for her to remember how her feet worked and get them firmly rooted on the ground again. "Hello, Jane."
Righting herself, she glanced up to meet his gaze, relieved to find no brooding storms on the horizon. She smiled and patted his shoulders. "At ease, Vakarian." Taking a couple of steps back when he let her go, she told him, "Go ahead; go spend some time with Jack. I'll get the coordinates set for Miranda's new digs. The plan was to go there before dealing with …" She glanced out at the CIC still filled with Cerberus personnel. "… that other thing, and then I'll just answer some emails or something. Nothing life altering. I'll find you guys later on, alright?"
Dawn lingered somehow, like a ghost watching over Jane's shoulder.
Garrus gave her a slow nod, shifting his weight from foot to foot before scratching a mandible. "If you need anything …."
"I won't." The words left her lips a little too quickly, so she gave him a reassuring smile. At least she hoped it came across as reassuring because she really needed him to trust her and believe she could handle things. "But I know where to find you." She smiled wider. "And, just to help put you at ease, my first stop after the galaxy map will be the med bay to check in with the doc." She held a hand out to him, a test as much as an olive branch. "Deal?"
"Hmmm." He took her hand and gave it a firm shake, smiling as he said, "Deal."
When he let go of her hand, she stepped to the side and waved her arm out toward the CIC. "Tell Jack hello."
He flicked a mandible, brow plate lifting just a hair in warning, but he didn't say anything else. Nodding, he started walking, leaving her to grin at his back as he made his way to the elevator. She stood there a moment longer, stretching her neck and rolling her shoulders, before taking a few steps out into the middle of the pathway. She'd forgotten how quiet things were in the driver's seat. Even with the whole amalgamation thing, it was just so different.
Thinking of the amalgamation made them squirm. She felt them wriggling through the spaces between thoughts, filling the gaps in her attention. They didn't like her taking charge, but they didn't seem to be able to flood her with emotions or override her physical control the way they sometimes did with Dawn.
"At least not yet," John said, filling the spot of The Veil in Jane's absence. They'd stuck with their uneasy truce, and it'd become more solid with time, but they both knew damn well they'd never exactly be buddy-buddy. "Don't forget most of them were the ones driving you over the edge inside of here."
"Relax, John. You just take care of things on your side." She glanced into the cockpit. Vertigo swept over her instantly, the ship seeming to tilt hard to port. She sucked in a slow, deep breath to regain her equilibrium before whispering, "Dawn, you relax, too. I won't step foot in there, I promise."
She didn't recognize the men in the pilot's or co-pilot's seats from what little of their profiles she saw. She was curious to know who took over, but not enough to send Dawn spiraling by going into the cockpit to check it out first hand. And … if she were being completely honest, the idea of coming face to face with someone else sitting in Joker's chair just plain hurt. The gutshot sort of hurt. To be fair, it was also probably too risky. She realized it might be enough to unbalance her and make her do something stupid.
Like breaking someone's jaw.
No, she wouldn't go into the cockpit. Besides, anyone on the ship would just tell her their names if she asked. Hell, EDI could give her names and complete background checks in seconds—which, actually, wasn't a bad idea for all Cerberus personnel aboard the Normandy. Dawn never asked, though, so neither would she. In fact, since Dawn resumed command, any and all interactions with the cockpit went through EDI; it was almost as if someone forbade the pilot from reaching out to Dawn directly.
"Probably Miranda's idea," she muttered. Either way, for the time being, Jane had no idea who was at the helm of her ship, and she hated every second of ignorance.
"The galaxy map is to your right," John said, voice dry. "So is the elevator, and the med bay is on the third deck."
Jane scoffed, rolling her eyes as she looked away from the cockpit. The second she turned her head, the last of the dizzy, nauseated feelings eased. She headed to the galaxy map, taking her time to soak in the details of the faces around the room, most of which she didn't recognize at all. If she understood where Miranda left things, they had absolutely no idea she was 'Persephone', but everyone still under Cerberus' employ knew The Illusive Man was no longer running the show. What any of them thought about the fact, who could say? But, until she knew The Illusive Man was dead, Jane didn't trust a single person in the CIC—working in the heart of the galaxy's most advanced warship—except maybe Kelly.
~69696969~
Sighing—or, well, going through the motions out of habit, she guessed—Dawn let herself be pulled further away from the outside world until all of the sights and sounds and even Jane herself became little more than an itch in the back of her head. Cradled by the darkness, she imagined herself standing next to John, and so she was.
He grinned down at her, crossing his arms over the wall of muscle that was his chest and dipped his head. "Ma'am."
"You really just can't help yourself, can you?" She arched an eyebrow and smirked at the deep, rumbling start of a laugh that never really moved past his chest to make its way from his mouth. Chuckling, she shook her head and said, "Hi, John."
Turning his gaze back out at the darkness, he scanned the area, seeming to pick up on something Dawn just couldn't. "Things are still pretty mellow in here. It's nice. I can hear myself think for the first time in a long, long time." Glancing at her again, he shrugged with one shoulder. "You know what I mean." His gaze roamed over her for a second before he added, "You're doing good, Dawn, keeping it together after everything."
"Yeah." She nodded, not really wanting to dive too deeply into a discussion on sanity with one of the voices inside of her head. "This, uh …" She waved a finger in a circle, indicating the expansive, empty space around them. "This sort of private bubble we have going on here, is that you, or are they all still avoiding me like the plague?"
"Ah, they're not avoiding you, they just learned to respect you and the power you hold over them all." He smiled wide, teeth and all, as he scanned the area again. "They're just giving you your space, ma'am, showing due deference."
"Uh huh. Right." She sucked in a deep, non-existent breath, and let it out in a huff. "Well, they don't need to, but I won't complain. I think I kind of need the quiet right now, too."
Dr. Chakwas already waited, omni-tool opened and ready to scan. "Jane, how are you, dear?"
Jane scoffed, an ache taking root in her sternum. "I guess he still doesn't trust me."
"Who?" Dr. Chakwas' brow furrowed.
"I'm the one who told her, Shepard." EDI's hologram sprang to life next to the door. "I didn't mean to cause any problems or upset you. I thought it would make the process more expedient and limit your discomfort."
Smiling, Jane let out an exaggerated sigh and shook her head. "EDI, you let the rat out of the bag, again."
"Rat? What rat?" The genuine confusion deepening the fine lines of the doctor's face made Jane laugh. "What in the world are the two of you talking about?"
"That was a joke," EDI said in that deadpan way of hers, and it only made Jane laugh harder.
Ah, damn. It was good to be real again. "An inside joke at Garrus' expense, don't worry, you didn't miss anything important." Crossing the floor to take her place on the edge of the exam table, Jane grinned as Dr. Chakwas approached. "Hey, EDI, humor me and do a scan for any uncataloged audio or video recording devices in the med bay and double down on the security of whatever feeds actually should be in place."
Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow as she ran the omni-tool around Jane's head. "Is there a reason for this increased paranoia?"
Jane held up a finger and said, "Hopefully not, but we'll see in a second."
"I'm detecting no such devices, and I have strengthened the firewall protecting the feeds to and from the med bay," EDI said. "The room is secure, Shepard."
"Good." Relaxing a little, Jane nodded absently before the disapproving twitch of Dr. Chakwas' lips reminded her to keep her head still for the scans. "EDI, can you put together brief dossiers on the Cerberus crew, both old and new. I want to know who they are, what positions they held with Cerberus before joining the Normandy, and how they reacted after hearing The Illusive Man isn't in charge any more. Make note of anyone who displayed any unusual changes in behavior in the days immediately following the news. Send the reports to the console in my cabin. Don't pass them through the extranet, though, just upload them manually, directly to the console."
"The requested documents have been uploaded to your console," EDI said less than a minute later, just as the doctor finished her scans. "I took the liberty of encrypting them with coding of my own design. The files can't be opened without my verification that the individual or program attempting to access the files has the authorization to do so. Is there anyone else you would like to authorize for access to the dossiers?"
"Garrus," Jane said, his name coming so easily to her tongue, she wasn't even certain she'd spoken aloud until EDI confirmed.
"I have added Garrus as an authorized user." The blue hologram flickered. "I can add or remove anyone else you choose at any time."
"Thanks, EDI," Jane said. "Change of topic. Doc, this one's for you, too." She paused until the doctor looked up from her omni-tool and met Jane's gaze. "I'd like reports on Avalina. Nothing that really breaks patient confidentiality, just behavioral observations. I don't have anything against her, and I trust Thane's judgment for the most part, but the fact of the matter is they were both unconscious next to a reaper artifact for quite some time." She glanced between EDI's hologram and the doctor. "I know you've both been keeping an eye on her, Mordin, too, but I'd like something written and delivered to my console in the same fashion as the dossiers, please."
Forcing a little steel into her spine, Jane refused to be afraid, and she stepped into the tech labs. The moment she laid eyes on Mordin, though, she stopped right in her tracks, keeping the door from closing. Damn it, if she couldn't control herself and deal with him, how the hell did she expect to manage being around Miranda? Dawn didn't really give Jane much notice before making the swap, but she'd be damned if she'd allow her lack of mental prep to keep her from doing her goddamned job and doing it right. Cracking her neck, she crossed completely over the threshold and headed for Mordin's workstation.
"Shepard, glad you're here." He looked up, and before she'd taken even two more steps or opened her mouth to respond, he grinned and said, "Ah, Jane! Pleasant surprise."
"EDI tell you, too?" Jane asked, slowing her steps as she neared the counter.
"No need." Mordin glanced down at his console, fingers running over the keys. "Noted changes in gait, resting tilt of head, improved posture, … fear in eyes."
"Ah." She stopped at the counter, resting her fingers on the edge. Swallowing, she gently cleared her throat. "Improved posture, huh?" She cleared her throat again, charging forward before he commented further on how she differed from Dawn or wanted to discuss the whole fear-in-her-eyes thing. "So, um … was there something you needed to tell me? Or, tell Dawn, I guess? She's uh, she needed some downtime and wanted me to …."
"Yes. Wanted to discuss update from Urdnot Shaman. Eve." He glanced up at her momentarily but didn't hold her gaze. "News of cure reported on all major news broadcasting channels across galaxy. Krogan returning to Tuchanka en masse, daily arrival numbers expected to decrease over next few days. Cure anticipated for vast majority of krogan populations. Still, krogan census estimates only, migration widespread. Will take time for full, accurate count."
"That's fantastic." Jane rubbed her thumb back and forth along the cool edge of the counter's surface, finding the motion soothing. "Any word on how the krogans returning to Tuchanka are responding to Wrex's leadership?"
He sniffed and turned, putting his eye to a microscope and adjusting the magnification. "Not relevant; didn't ask. Relevant to war, yes; to krogan people. Not conversation about genophage cure."
"Right." She let out a soft, bemused chuckle and shook her head. "Still, it's good news. I'm glad things seem to be working out. How, uh, how are you feeling about it all? Any regrets?"
Returning to his console, he remained quiet as he typed. The silence carried on just long enough she'd started to think he wasn't going to answer, and it made her feel increasingly self-conscious standing there.
"Only regret waited so long." Sucking in a deep breath, Mordin held it and met her gaze before letting it ease out again. "Concerned may not have lasting impact … wrongs not actually righted. Finally saw mistake, fixed it, but damage far reaching and reapers so close …." Coughing into his fist, he looked away. When he continued, his voice softened, and he sounded much, much older. "Still alive, this time. Might have chance to monitor progress; help more. Repair damage. Thank you, Shepard."
"I'm glad she was able to make it work out, and you didn't have to … you know." She shrugged, feeling a little lost with how rusty her people skills had become. "Blow yourself up to ensure the cure."
Chuckling, he glanced at her again and nodded. "Worse ways to die."
"True," she said, grinning despite herself. "Crashing into a planet is a pretty shitty way to die. I don't recommend it, just in case you were thinking about giving it a try. At least not unless you want a terrorist group to resurrect you as a cyborg." She tilted her head, bringing her shoulder up a few centimeters before letting it drop again. Ignoring the discomforting buzz of the amalgamation, she huffed and added, "Now, it's sort of valorous to find yourself knocking on Death's door while the galaxy burns, and with nothing more than the hope that the sadistic, ancient AI is telling you the truth, you pick your favorite flavor of sacrificial-suicide and dive in head-first." Working to steady the rapid beat of her heart and the tremble of her hands, she took a deep breath and shrugged again as if her blasé attitude and dismissive gestures might make her 'no big deal' talk actually true. "Valorous or maybe just cowardly. At least there was a chance, and I thought I wouldn't have to watch the galaxy suffer anymore."
"Not cowardly, Jane. Desperate." Leaving off with another weighted pause, Mordin eventually added, "Krogan were desperate, kept fighting. Kept hoping for cure. Maelon saw krogan desperation, tried to fix it. I accepted it as unfortunate side effect of necessary action. Justified the genophage; my work. I got it wrong." Meeting her gaze again, he gave her a wry smile. "Old man, now. Still not easy admitting culpability. Should, though. Should apologize while still time left." Standing straight, he lifted his chin and squared his shoulders, every bit the soldier, retired or not. "Sorry, Shepard, for not being more sensitive to your mental state and causing more trauma. Viewing you and situation through lens of scientific curiosity and forgetting compassion."
Tears welled in her eyes, and her throat locked down on her, making it impossible to speak.
He watched her for a moment, his gaze softening as he morphed back into the gentle, grandfatherly figure she saw from time to time; the same man who sang patter songs and recorded educational vids for kids. "I got it wrong, Jane."
"Until The Illusive Man is dealt with, permanently, and we know for certain who we can and can't trust of the Cerberus crew, any mission related discussions need to be kept eyes-only." Jane leaned forward, resting her palms on the table in the debrief room. "In fact," she said, gaze roaming over everyone present, "given the rapid approach of the reapers and the potential for indoctrinated individuals being aboard, let's just make it the new policy from here on out or until Dawn says otherwise. I don't even want anyone outside of this room to know where we're going until the coordinates have been entered into the Normandy's navigation. When we finish a mission and leave, they don't even know why we were there in the first place."
"Not that I really give a shit, and I'm always down to fuck with Cerberus, but if it wasn't an issue before, what's the big concern now?" Jack asked from her spot against the wall across from Jane.
Taking a deep breath, Jane let it out slowly, weighing out her response. "Dawn … we've made a lot of changes in a lot of different sectors, and there are new players on the board now." She glanced at Garrus, habit nudging her to seek out reassurance in his gaze, that glint in the crystal blue that meant he was focused and committed, ready to follow her into hell once more. She wasn't disappointed.
"In my cycle, by this point in time, I'd still be locked up under house arrest on Earth." She turned her attention back to Jack and continued, "The Illusive Man still had a firm grip on Cerberus. The Dissension wasn't a thing—not that we knew of, anyway. Anderson had stepped down as Councilor and Udina took his place. Geth and quarians were gearing up for a major war between their species. You get the point. When the reapers attacked, and I took over the Normandy again, it was all Alliance crew. A skeleton crew at that, they were still doing retrofitting when the reapers hit. Everything is different, and because it's different, we can't assume anything is going to work out the way we'd expect. I don't want to make it any easier for our enemies to find ways to screw us."
"Alright." Jack turned out one of her palms. "Then why don't we tell The Illusive Barbie she can have her cheerleaders back and replace them with Alliance crew or whoever else we can trust?"
"The Illusive Barbie?" Avalina's brow creased, gaze dancing between Jack and Jane.
"Human word play." Mordin offered the asari a smile. "Researched 'Barbie'; references child's toy. Doll with unnatural proportions, meant to symbolize ideal attractiveness for human female. Unrealistic standards. Term associated with intellectual vapidness and excessive concern with physical appearance. Assume Jack uses term more to highlight Ms. Lawson's genetic tailoring and meticulous grooming as Ms. Lawson's intelligence level exceptional on human scales."
Avalina chuckled before clearing her throat into her fist and then, with a straight face, she tucked her hands behind her back and gave Mordin an appreciative nod. "I see, thank you."
"Point being," Jack said, slowly dragging her gaze away from Mordin and Avalina, expression neutral, "why all the cloak and dagger? Why not kick them off the ship?"
"Well, we might be doing just that." Jane turned her attention to Garrus once more, directing her next comments to him in specific, "I had EDI put together dossiers on the Cerberus crew and upload them directly to my console. Right now, you and I are the only ones who can access them, so, when we're done here, I'd appreciate your help going through the files. I'd like to give them all at least a quick once-over before we reach Miranda."
"No problem." Garrus nodded.
"Which brings me to the next point of discussion." Pushing off the table, she crossed her arms. "Miranda was technically the XO, but she's not here anymore. Dawn hit the ground running, so she hasn't had the chance to really consider who is serving in what roles now, let alone decide if she approves or disapproves." Jane nodded toward EDI's hologram. "Thanks to EDI, I now know Miranda left the duty rosters more or less empty, only giving specific assignments to fill vital roles. She also made it clear their positions were likely temporary because Dawn would want to set the command structure to her liking."
"But she hasn't, so you're going to set it to your own liking, instead?" Jack scoffed and shook her head. "Getting rid of assholes loyal to The Illusive Man is one thing, but are you sure Alliance wants you messing with everything else?"
"Alliance asked me to handle business while she takes some downtime, and she did so with the understanding that I know what I'm doing." Jane's jaw ached with the over-the-top, sugary sweet smile she slapped on her face. "Don't worry, Jack, I'm not interested in all the paperwork involved with a complete detail reassignment, especially when I don't even know yet who's going to be around long enough for it to matter."
"Then why are we even talking about it, Jane?" Jack arched an eyebrow, a smoldering fire burning in her brown eyes. Obviously, she still wasn't very fond of Jane, but no one could find her ability to hold a grudge the slightest bit surprising.
"I am," Jane said, a bit more attitude seeping into her tone than she'd anticipated, "however, going to take the liberty of formally declaring Garrus as this ship's second in command as well as second in command in the field." She glanced at Garrus, but she didn't dare let her gaze linger. She wasn't making the call to cater to him, and she damn well didn't want anyone thinking she was anything less than one-hundred percent sure about her choice. "When Garrus and I are both in the field, the ship defaults to EDI's command. If any of you have any complaints on either of these choices, do us all a favor and keep it to yourself. I don't have the time to care, and quite frankly, we all know Dawn would've made the same call. There's no one on this ship she trusts more than Garrus, and EDI's the obvious choice to take over when we're not around seeing as she's always on the ship, is everywhere on the ship, and we trust her completely."
She waited a moment just to make sure no one else intended to challenge her decisions. "Anyone have anything else we need to discuss?"
"I have received confirmation from Tali." EDI said, the blue pawn growing as she began to speak, as if stepping forward from the sidelines to better be heard. "The Admiralty Board and geth are in agreement that David Archer is welcome on Rannoch, and his skills would be appreciated regardless of however he chooses to offer his assistance."
"Oh, good," Jane said.
"However," EDI added, drawing Jane up short from further comment, "given David's functional limitations and the trauma he's endured, the Admiralty Board is requesting that David first be evaluated by a physician, and the physician agrees that David not only fully understands what the situation will be like for him on Rannoch, without other humans, the potential risks involved, necessary decontamination and quarantine procedures, et cetera but that he is also capable of handling such stressors."
Jane nodded, leaning her hip against the table. "Sounds fair."
"Additionally," EDI continued, and Jane bit the inner edge of her lip, "the Admiralty Board requires all relevant medical information be sent to their doctors. A report describing what sort of issues they might anticipate and how best to treat him should a situation arise related to either his Autism or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is strongly encouraged. Finally, the Admiralty Board requests—since you declared him to be under your protection—that you agree to remove David from Rannoch should it become necessary for either his health and safety or the health and safety of the quarians."
"I'm sure those things can be arranged." Jane nodded again, it all sounded reasonable enough to her. "Please let them know that I'll inform David and request his permission to access and transfer records as well as have Dr. Chakwas perform the evaluation. Thanks, EDI."
Jane pinched the bridge of her nose and then used the same fingers to rub her closed eyes. Based on EDI's reports and Garrus' finely honed detective skills, eight out of twenty-two Cerberus staff aboard the Normandy absolutely could not be trusted. An additional seven probably weren't exactly in the clear, either.
"How do you want to handle it?" Garrus asked, picking up the glass of turian brandy she'd poured for him an hour earlier. He took a sip, holding her gaze when she looked his way, and then set the glass back on the table.
Sucking in a slow, deep breath, Jane collapsed against the cushions of her side of the couch and dropped the datapad next to her. "We can't just throw them out the airlock, as appealing as it sounds. And Miranda has her hands full, obviously she wasn't really ready to step into The Illusive Man's shoes, but that bell can't be unrung. Either way, though, I think we should bring her in on the conversation. Dawn would want us to, anyway." She paused, studying him a second before adding, "If you think I'm wrong, I can try to get her to speak up and chime in."
He hummed and picked up his glass again, an obvious delay tactic to give him time to mull it over. "No," he said, and took a drink, "I think you're right, and she needs … whatever it is she's getting out of stepping back like this. The QEC is still linked to the Cronos Station, but …" He sat down his glass and glanced at the time on her console. "… we'll be there in less than an hour."
"So," Jane said, standing and stretching her arms above her head, "we'll table this until we get there." She glanced back down at Garrus and snorted when she caught his gaze lingering on her hip bones peeking out from where her shirt hiked up as she stretched.
Jerking his head as if only just realizing it himself, he looked away, mandibles fluttering wildly around his face as he turned his attention back to the console. Embarrassment on a turian really was one of the galaxy's greatest wonders. Closing down the files, he chuffed softly and stood, regaining his composure. "Anything else, Commander?"
"No. Thanks for your help, Garrus." She smiled, stepping away from the couch and around the table.
She patted his shoulder as he passed her by, an absent-minded gesture of affection and gratitude, but she caught the way he flinched. Her scent must've soured in his nostrils because he chuffed and muttered an apology, only half glancing her way.
"Garrus?" she called after his retreating form.
He stopped at the top of the stairs and turned, looking back down at her. "Yes?"
"I really am sorry, you know. For everything." She swallowed against the sudden knot in her throat. "I know you don't—you're not my Garrus, and I did a lot to really mess things up this time, but uh …. There's no one I trust more than you, either. On or off the field. And I hate knowing I hurt you. If I could take it back, change everything I said and did, I would. You're my best friend, Garrus, even if I'm not yours. And with Kaidan gone …. I just—I just need things between you and me to be okay. So, uh, tell me what to do. How do I fix this?"
He studied her in silence for a few, excruciatingly long seconds, mandibles flicking under the weight of his concentration, and she held her breath. Slowly, he came back down the stairs and stopped in front of Jane. Reaching up with both hands, he surprised her by gripping her shoulders and ducking his head down to stare her in the eyes, on her level, centimeters from her face.
"You fix this by making damn sure, no matter the cost, she survives. She survives it all, Jane. The reapers, this cycle, you, the others …." His eyes glazed over, crystals of ice locking together to form glaciers unlike any she'd seen there before. His voice dropped, low, gravely, and almost conspiratorial as if he hoped Dawn wouldn't actually hear what he had to say next, "I don't give a damn if it means someone else dies in her place, even if it means a lot of other people die in her place. Do you understand? Dawn. Survives."
"Christ," John said, concern slipping from him to Jane and back again. "What the hell happened to him?"
"I don't know," Jane thought. "Did she hear that?"
"No." John paused. "She's resting. Revisiting childhood memories from before the batarian raids."
"Dawn survives." Jane nodded, firm, decisive, the statement an oath to him. She didn't know how she'd pull it off, but she'd damn well give it everything she had. "No matter the cost."
He slid one of his hands up to cradle the back of her head before gently bumping the thick, hard plates of his forehead against hers. Just as quickly, he straightened, letting her go and making his way back up the stairs. He didn't say anything else, and he didn't look back as he exited the cabin.