Right, hi everybody, this is just a short one-shot written in response to Sinister Shadow's Challenge on the Anificforum.

ANIMORPH

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Uncut

"Cut! Cut – damn it! Cuuuuuuut!"

Jeri stood up, put hands on hips, and bared her teeth, "Collette, I'm kissing Magnea as 'passionately' as possible. The problem is it usually helps if the guy has a mouth!"

Magnea, a young Andalite male, looked affronted and puffed out his chest, (We Andalites usually 'kiss' using our palms. It's not my fault humans evolved mouths.)

Collette wheeled her chair forwards, glaring at the two arrogant actors and snapped, "We are following the script – and the script says, "Loren kisses Elfangor in the cheek", so that's what we're gonna do. I met Ax you know, Magnea, so I do know how Andalites kiss."

Magnea shrugged his shoulders and muttered, (Why not just use a human is Andalite morph? Why bother using an Andalite if you bother correcting me on my species?)

Jeri sighed exasperatedly and said, "Why not break for lunch? The teamsters set up a table," she winked at Magnea, "they have chicken and meatballs."

Magnea shot her what could be thought of as a disgusted look and walked off the set made to look like the Taxxon homeworld, trotted past the dozens of cameras and –

- tripped up the resident Yeerk. I hate Andalites, no really, I do. And no, not because their meddlers, arrogant, 'fools' – no, how boring is that? I hate them because you simply cannot act with them. Magnea is the worst, he was trained in the only 'Academy of Arts' on his homeworld and is already a noted artiste here on Earth. Who better than to play Beast Elfangor in the latest in a string of Animorph films to be brought to screens all over the galaxy?

The git, I hate him, cocky bustard. You know why? Huh? I'm playing the bad guy, I have for the last three films, 'Visser Three'. I'm the first ever professional Yeerk actor and what do they give me? A role that will destroy my career? Yup, I hate them two.

Why don't I get a love scene? Really? How hard can it be to give Visser Three one little love scene! Come one writers! Hear my plea!

"Arkass, you're getting frown lines," Jeri said as she sat down beside me. Jeri and I are engaged, so obviously it doesn't help that I spend half my time screaming at her "I will kill you!" and then sometimes if I'm bored, "Mawhahahaha!". To which the response usually comes "Hey! That isn't in the script!"

Yeah, I know exactly what you're thinking - how could you not? - ff the Animorphs thought they had it bad they obviously didn't think about their silver-screen counterparts, the gits.

How, you are asking yourself, is a Yeerk acting in a film?

To which I reply, morphing power you idiot?

Which brings me to the second tragedy of my life, not only am I playing Esplin but I also have to play Alloran, we decided that it be cheaper for me just to have an Andalite morph rather than actually infest an Andalite in the later films. Two characters right? Count them, Esplin, one. Alloran, two.

Right? Right? Then why do I only get paid for the one? Just a thought…

…think about it.

Arrogant gits.

I turned to see another colleague, David, sitting awkwardly on a chair and reading through his script, he was mumbling incoherently. Suddenly he looked up and yelled to Collette, our resident Animorph expert, (Marco had to leave for some reason after the first film), "But my character is kid! I'm too old!"

Collette sighed and wheeled herself right up toe to toe with David and said, "That's why you'll be morphing a kid. Didn't you read the brief?"

"Yes, but –"

"Buuuut?"

David frowned, "I don't like morphing, can't we just hire a kid to play kid-Chapman?"

"Mavid!" I said through a mouthful of chicken, ""Midn't you 'ear? Cheapmer to mmmorrrph." Then I nearly chocked on the damn chicken, damn chicken git.

David's like me, he'll be forever known as 'That-Chapman-Guy', that means that I have at least some time for him. Generally I just ignore the others. After all, I'm the real star aren't I? Hello! I last throughout all the film, eat that Magnea, you Andalite –

"Arkass!" Collette yelled "You're up! Swallow that food and look mean, remember – "

"- be the Visser, feel the Visser, shoot the Visser. I get the idea, oh Directing One, "I stood and walked on set, I morphed my rather brilliant Andalite morph, (it's a good thing Alloran hasn't yet figured out how I got hold of his DNA, I'm telling you that for free)

Magnea and I stood hoof-to-hoof, Jeri sat on his back with her arms round his shoulders priming to do something I really didn't want her to do.

"Aaaaaand action!"

THWACK!

Ow, bloody plastic rock.

(So. You propel rocks at me! You'll be very sorry you ever propelled a rock at me, human! Jarex! Larex! Attack...MAWAHAhAHAHA! I shall smite you with my visserly wrath!)

"Hey!" a faint voice cried, "That's on what it says in the script!"

It's called acting? I thought, you cocky gits.

I hope you guys like, please don't forget to REVIEW!