Author Notes: Ooookay, I sat down to write a single chapter about how everybody on the ship would feel. Instead I get a 1700+ word chapter on Zoë's thoughts alone. So instead of having one really long drawn on chapter I'm going to break this "chapter" into smaller parts by simply focusing on one person per 'part'. It really shouldn't change much except I'll most likely be updating as I finish with each person's thoughts, instead of how I originally intended of updating only after the chapter was finished.. This might be better as it shows I am making an effort to find time to write, although it also means you have to wait just an itty-bitty-teeny-bit longer before, I get back to focusing on Mal and River. I hope I can be forgiven and that these chapters can keep you entertained until the conclusion.

Thoughts in Space

More Thoughts - Zoë

Zoë slowly began to stir, her eyes opening from the nightmares that haunted her dreams into the reality that those nightmares had become. She stayed unmoving except for her eyes while she stared at the ceiling of her bunk. She was still sleeping on her side of the bed; the other half was nearly undisturbed. She sighed quietly as she sat upright; swinging her legs over the side of the bed letting her feet touch the floor. In reality she wanted to scream and go back to bed, but there were things to be done today, and since the Captain was going to do them, he needed someone to watch his back when things didn't go his way and they wouldn't of course.

She missed Wash deeply, whenever she wasn't preoccupied with not getting herself shot she was thinking of him or about him in some way; whenever someone made a joke or comment she would sit and think on what Wash might say back. While it was true she was getting back into a more normal state of things, her heart still ached. She had been real bad after it had first happened, she would keep a strong face when facing the rest of the crew or Mal, but when she was alone her façade would shatter and she would break down in sobs. What would they think if they knew she spent every night for the first three weeks after his death crying till she couldn't catch her breath; to afraid to go to the doctor to get something to put her in a deep sleep because she didn't want to show weakness to anyone.

She finally stood up, pulling out her cloths for the day and changing, pulling her hair back from her face and lacing up her boots. She looked at herself in the mirror, she seemed calm, her eyes more her old self, but only she knew everything wasn't quite right. She had accepted his death and her life. She knew to give up her own life would pain him too deeply for her to do so, but she only wished she would be with him again. "Nothing is ever easy." She half whispered in the mirror as she exited her bunk, making her way to the dining table.

As she neared it, she could see the table she heard Mal's greeting of "Mornin'" and seen his shape pass the doorway, walking toward his normal seat at the front of the table. She entered the room and noticed the usual suspects, Kaylee with what looked like a magazine of some sort in her lap and Jayne eating as though if he stopped to breathe his food might make a break for it. She looked to Mal, intending on giving him a nod of greeting, silence was usually their way of communicating, but when she looked up he had purple lipstick on his lips and her greeting became something altogether different. She must have made an odd face as he gave her a look of annoyance. She nodded for him to go into the hallway she had just entered from so he wouldn't embarrass himself in front of the rest of the crew, but he ignored her head tilt and sat down. Fine, she thought, if he wanted to be stubborn about it let the man deal with it, although she was greatly amused and puzzled on how exactly he got it on himself.

As she walked over, intending to get a cup of coffee she heard Kaylee's giggle, or half giggles as she tried to hold it in, from behind her, she must have looked up she thought. She poured her coffee and turned around, Kaylee looked ready to burst her face straining red and a big grin lit her face. For his part, Mal looked even more annoyed. Men, so clueless sometimes, she thought to herself. Finally, Jayne pushed his plate away and after burping loudly, I guess he does breathe when he eats she thought, began to tell Mal how open minded he was. She simply rolled her eyes at that thought. "…but really I don't think purple lipstick is you." Jayne finally managed to get out and Kaylee exploded with laughter, even she had to manage to grin at that. Mal stood and put his fingers to his lips looking first confused then something different. She expected him to look mad or embarrassed, but as he turned and walked away, she could only assume to wash it off, he looked amused and his eyes seemed lighter then she remembered them.

With that done, she drained her coffee and ignored the food on the table instead opting to get the mule ready for the job she exited the dining room, intending on heading to the cargo bay when she very nearly ran right into River. "Hey, little one," She said to the younger woman, "You just missed something funny if you had just gotten there a few minutes earlier." She smiled at River, who smiled back at her, and then she noticed it and her mind reeled in wonder. The girl had on lipstick that would have matched perfectly with what was on Mal's lips. "Or maybe you didn't miss anything…" Her words trailed off at River, a little shocked. River looked at her calmly; happiness radiating off the younger woman in a near physical aura, before she turned and walked down the hallway, opposite of where Zoë would be heading.

Zoë watched the younger woman's back as she retreated from her and she was still in a tad state of shock. Granted they had been spending a lot of time together in the bridge, but had the captain and River developed something deeper? Kaylee ran by, nearly colliding with her; she turned her head over her shoulder and shouted an apology at Zoë but never stopped running straight down toward the cargo bay, leaving Zoë alone with her thoughts on River and the captain.

Zoë was lost in thought. Mal was a big believer in rules, despite the fact most people on the ship broke one or two of them on a daily basis, but he was usually very careful not to break his own rules, as a way of trying to set a standard. And he had a rule that crew members were not to be involved in any relationship with one another for fear it could break up their happy family or cause rifts if they were to end their relationship. With that her thoughts drifted to years earlier, a happier time for her and for Mal as Serenity was finally shaping up to be the ship he wanted.

She stood on the bridge, maybe stood wasn't the right word. She had Wash pushed up against the locker behind the pilot chair her lips pressed fiercely against his and his hands grabbing at her hips. It wasn't the first time they had been in this situation, keeping their budding relationship hidden away from the others when there came a clearing of a throat and she turned to see Mal in the doorway staring at them. Wash tried quickly to cover it, "Yes now I see how you correctly perform CPR on someone." His voice rang out. Mal made no attempt at acknowledging his remark one way or another and instead stared at her. "Wash, can you give us a minute please?" She had said, taking a step back away from him. He muttered something about what he was suppose to do, go play with dinosaurs or something, as he ran his hand through his hair and walked past Mal and off the bridge.

For a long moment the two stared at one another in silence, neither really quite ready to have the conversation they both knew was coming. Finally, Mal said simply, "You know I don't much like crew members gettin' involved with each other." "Besides," he added, "I thought you didn't even like him."

She didn't respond right away, quietly choosing her words to convey to him exactly what Wash had started to mean to her.

"We've been together for a long time you and I, haven't we?" she said.

"We have." He responded.

"And I've followed you a long way through thick and thin. And you've taken a bullet or two that were meant for me."

"And you did the same for me on more then one occasion."

"And I hope I've always lived up to your expectations when you gave an order."

"Never disappointed me once." He said in all seriousness.

"But with all that, all that we've been through, the one order I can't take from you is to not feel anything for him."

He stared at her, his eyes never changed, no shock, no surprise, or anger; he just stared not allowing his emotions to break through to her. "Just as long as you know how I feel." He said and turned off the bridge, walking back through Serenity's hallway.

A month later Wash and she were wed. And Malcolm Reynolds' was there, standing tallest and smiling almost as much as Wash was. He walked her down the aisle and gave her way. He also gave the most drunken speeches, danced much better then Zoë would have thought possible, considering the amount he had drunk, and was in general good spirits. He never directly mentioned his conversation with Zoë, his one remark came when she and Wash said they were going to find a quiet place for the rest of the week just the two of them, "Oh, is it his turn to teach you the Heimlich Maneuver?" He said with a big grin, Men she thought; even the best of them didn't know when to keep quiet about things.

As she flashed back to reality, finally making her way into the cargo bay she wondered what repercussions were going to surface if things were heading how she thought they were. Despite it though, she smiled happily for the captain, it was time for the man to find some happiness of his own, instead of always trying to find some for the rest of his crew and never for himself. Finally as she started to prep the mule for the day's work her last thoughts were that no matter the consequences, Mal would have her there to support him, and whoever tried to spoil his happiness would have to deal with her first.