A/N: Wow… so much… "drama"… ha ha. Um… try to enjoy, s'il vous plait… And don't forget to review!
17. Suicide and Shizuru's Love Life
Botan dumped her bags at her house, then ran right back out. The news that Kuwabara loved her was absolutely devastating… and frightening. Images of Kuwabara flashed through her mind the whole day, haunting her… Everywhere she looked, she saw Kuwabara…
She ran past the school, past the hospital, and past the grocery store, finally stopping at the bridge over the wide Samaru River. Peering over the bridge, she saw the deep, swiftly moving river below. With Kuwabara wanting to be a main focus in my life, I have nothing to live for, Botan thought melodramatically.
In between the ripples of the river, Botan saw her life flashing before her eyes. The day she had landed a job working for Koenma, the day she told Yusuke he could have a second chance at life, killing the Makai insects with her bug spray, being team trainer for Urameshi Team during the Dark Tournament… and now. Kuwabara's irritating, obnoxious voice rang throughout her head, echoing: "Botan, my love, my sweetie, my darling… I love you. Will you go out with me?"
Botan's fists clenched as the tears began running down her face. I can't believe Kuwabara said that! she shouted in her mind. I can't love him! No! No!
Botan climbed over the side of the bridge so she could sit on the railing. The railing was thin, and she could fall off at any second, sending herself into the cold, strong waters of the Samaru River. Nobody really cares about me anyway… Botan thought sadly. I'm sure no one would miss me if I died...
She was about to hurl herself into the river when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning around slowly, Botan recognized the person behind her.
The person held out her hand and pulled her off the side of the bridge, getting her feet on stable ground. Botan looked into the eyes of the woman who had saved her and sighed.
"Why'd you do that, Shizuru?" she asked.
"Hey, we don't need any more dying people after the Dark Tournament," Shizuru said. "What's wrong, Botan?"
Botan looked down. She didn't want to tell Shizuru that her brother was the cause of all this.
"It's about my brother, isn't it?"
Botan nodded, her face turning red. "I know it's not a really big deal," Botan said quietly, "but when… you find out that someone loves you… and you love someone else and you don't love the person who loves you… no offense."
"None taken," said Shizuru. "If I were in your shoes, I'd probably kill myself too. But really, don't take it seriously. He's just desperate after what happened with Yukina. Yukina was the only person who wouldn't beat his face into the pavement if he talked to her."
Botan smiled. Shizuru had a way with words.
"Come on. Let's go back to your house. We can talk."
"Okay."
"You shouldn't let something like my brother's insignificant love get you down," Shizuru said as she and Botan sat down on the couch, both equipped with overflowing bowls of mint chocolate chip ice cream. "Even though I'm sure it was devastating."
Botan managed a small laugh. "It's just that… hearing 'I love you' from him… I mean… I never would've expected it! It kind of… made me feel sorry for him. But I couldn't love him. I could never love him." Botan looked away. "Because… I already love someone else… But I feel like I can't tell him… Not now… and I'm pretty sure not ever… My feelings for him will be just… all pent up inside of me."
"I know how that is," Shizuru said softly and truthfully. "I know how it is to love somebody, and yet you feel like you can't tell him how you feel."
Botan's eyes widened. Shizuru loved somebody? Botan didn't know if Shizuru was capable of that kind of love; she had always seemed so casually platonic before. She had "flings", yes, but never "love"…
Shizuru's eyes shifted towards the door. "I really like him, but I'm too scared to tell him. I know that's kind of babyish of me, but I really am scared. What if he likes someone else? My heart would be broken, and I don't think I could ever put it back together again. After all of the past romantic failures in my life, I don't think I could stand another."
Botan had never heard Shizuru talk like this before. She could just be drunk, she thought. But despite that, she figured she had better listen while she could. She didn't want to miss any juicy secrets Shizuru might share with her; there were only so many opportunities where you got to hear Shizuru Kuwabara spill her guts out to you.
"Is that kind of how you feel too?" Shizuru asked, turning back to Botan and licking her spoon. "Like you really love this person, but you feel like you could never tell?"
Botan nodded slowly. She did feel that way. She had tried to tell Yusuke at the movies the other night, but Spritzy was there. She knew Spritzy would be hanging all over Yusuke now, so she could never – would never – tell him. She would just have to sit there and watch her arch-rival be loved by the man that she had grown to love.
"You know people say 'Well, the worst that can happen is he'll say no'?" Shizuru continued. "That's a really bad way of cheering people up. Because if you ask someone if they love you, and they say no, and you really love them back, it's the most horrible feeling in the world. Like you'll never be happy or never love again. There's always that fear in the back of your head… But then you have to live with yourself afterwards if you never say anything… It's just a hopeless situation."
The question was burning in the back of Botan's throat, just waiting to be asked. With Shizuru talking about love and the problems that go along with it, she had never once mentioned the name of the person she loved. Being the gossip-lover that she was, Botan had to know the name of the lucky man in Shizuru's life…
"Who is it, Shizuru?" she asked, slowly and cautiously. "Who do you love?"
Shizuru looked down at her ice cream bowl, then looked back up. "You're the first person I've told about all of this," she said, now staring Botan in the eyes. "And I don't know if I can trust you…"
Botan nodded eagerly, egging her on. "You can trust me! You can trust me!"
"I'm afraid," Shizuru said. "Even to you, I don't know if I can tell you…"
"You can!" Botan urged, growing more and more excited. Ooh, this is gonna be good!
"Well…" Shizuru said slowly. The suspense was unnerving. Botan's hands shook in her lap. Shizuru was about to spill the most secretive secret in her life, and Botan was going to be the only person to know it. "Well… The person I love… is…"
NEXT TIME: SHIZURU'S LOVE REVEALED AND THE REAL STALKER'S VISIT!
A/N: Wow, I could not resist that one… XP Please review!
Reviewer Responses!
kittyluv: Hey, 99th review is special too! n.n So thank you for it!
evilchik: I've no doubt you'll peg one of your suspicions right on the nose. But, as you know, for now, I cannot tell you if you have or not. Just play these amusing little mind games with you… :sits back in chair and smirks: Anyway, I WILL tell you one thing: I wrote this fic even before the Sensui saga, so back then, I would have been like "Hinageshi who?" I still haven't even seen all the episodes… I'm stuck on DVD #27. The last time I had cash for anime, they were all out of #28's so I bought #29, but I can't watch it because I haven't seen #28:bangs head against desk: But don't spoil anything if you've seen all the eps, please. Thanks for the review!
Red Kistune Flames: ALL these chaps go by quickly… -.- But heh, thanks for not vilifying my short-chapter-ness and calling them "fun". Yay, that makes me feel better. :D Thanks for the review!
fallentears666: Personally, I would love to have someone profess their love for me over the announcements… then again, Kuwabara is not one of those people I would enjoy hearing a love confession from… :sweatdrop: lol Ha ha, smart one you are. Of course I would tell you "just wait". XD I update semi-quickly so you'll find out EVERYTHING… behold ALL SECRETS… meh… eventually. Thanks for the review!
Hieifan123: I can think of something more embarassing than having one tell the whole school they love you: being the person telling the whole school you love them (speaking from experience – March 1, 2004: Ultimate Mortification. Needless to say, I was rejected. o.o) I'm glad you liked the chapter! Thanks for the review!
Kitsune Chic:smirk: Who says it's Keiko, ne? Anyway, thanks for all the reviews:D
Anna Minamino: Thanks! And ya know, I am an angst fan, so who knows about Kurama. I just might leave him wallowing in misery for the next 8 chapters… ;) Just kidding. But the Yukina x Hiei situation, I believe, is "resolved" in Chapter 22, if memory serves me correctly… I know, long wait, sorry! o.o Thanks for the review!
Princess Random: Lol, "What did Botan do to deserve that?" Nothing. She just was beautiful enough to attract Kuwabara's attention… :sigh: Poor Botan… I think she's awesome too! My favorite YYH female character used to be Shizuru, but now it's Botan. I still love Shizuru though. ;) She's cool. As for your last question: "How did you manage to get me so entangled in the web of confusioness?" – I did not make you click the magic button that takes you to this fic. This is all your doing. But you're making the right choice by reading my fanfiction. :arrogant, ostentatious smirk: Heh. Thanks for the review:D
heartluv: Expect twists in this story. I love twists. Twists make me happy… :goes to play Twister… ha ha… no. That pun was not funny… : ( : Horrible conflicts are something of a fetish of mine… :giggles: And if you think I left LAST chapter at a "good part", wow, I almost cringe thinking of the reviews I'm going to receive for this cliffie… o.o Then again, I am a masochist somewhat when it comes to reviews, so I think I will rather enjoy them… :grin: Thanks for the review!
Fruit is NOT a Dessert:giggles: Thanks for the review! "Ew, Spritzy"… ha ha … wow… That one makes me chuckle… for reasons I can't tell you… :more chuckling: Thanks again!
Jillian Jiggs: Aw, thank you. I'm glad you like the story, and I'm glad I can make you laugh. Thankies muchly for the review!
jojogoodgirlgonebad2005: Thank you. Yeah, it is a bit crazy and confusing, but hey, it's dragging in readers and reviewers like a black hole, so I'm happy. Glad you like it too! Thanks for the review:)
Sami Kurama's Stalker: Yep, the stalker IS a show character. "All coming together", hm, you think so:smirk: Well, I hope I alleviated your anxiety some by updating… then again, with this chapter, I don't think I did… : ( Ah well. Hey, I'm glad I got close to your favorite color there! My faves are black, red, and green. Thanks for the review!
--crazykitsune17--