Chapter 15

Darcy had come by several times to ask how Elizabeth was doing, but she was up by the next day and feeling much better. The house party ended in two days and tonight was the ball. She hoped Mr. Darcy would ask her to dance with him; she hoped even more than that, in fact. But she had waited a week since their journey to Pemberley and he had not proposed, so she was starting to become discouraged again. Maybe everyone else was wrong, and he did not love her?

She tried to put it out of her mind and simply enjoy the evening, but it was hard when her heart was so involved. She and Jane got dressed in their finery in the afternoon; country balls were always held earlier in the evening, and ended earlier so everyone could travel home safely.

Elizabeth's dress was the one that she had ordered in London when she went shopping with Lady Dunmore. The countess had helped her pick out the dress, and it was too fine for her to wear everyday. She had decided to save it for the ball. It was a dress of finely-spun gold thread with a scooped neckline and tiny silver flowers embroidered all over. Her necklace was the simple garnet cross that her father had given her on her sixteenth birthday. Her decolletage was not low enough to be indecent, but was still more daring than what Elizabeth usually wore. She wondered if Mr. Darcy would like it.

Jane was wearing a light blue dress that went well with her eyes. Lady Dunmore had sent her personal lady's maid to help the sisters style their hair. Elizabeth wondered at this show of consideration. Did she want Elizabeth to appear beautiful for her brother?

The maid fixed Elizabeth's hair in a stylish chignon, leaving one strand of curls to dangle down by her neck. She arrayed the chestnut tresses with strands of seed pearls that contrasted perfectly with the golden dress. Elizabeth was nervous, but she did not know why.

Darcy was nervous, and he knew why. He was going to propose to Elizabeth tonight, and he had no idea what the result would be. He had only proposed once before, and it had been a mere formality. He had been certain Anne would accept, and there had been no love involved on either side.

This would be completely different.

He had asked Georgiana if she would arrange a waltz toward the end of the evening. He wanted to waltz with Elizabeth, and perhaps get her alone on a balcony or in the garden to ask his question.

"Are you going to propose tonight?" Georgiana had asked with eyebrows raised.

"I will, as long as my courage does not desert me."

"Fitzwilliam, you cannot tarry. The house party ends in two days. You have waited almost too long as it is. I am sure Miss Elizabeth is wondering what has made you such a slow top."

"I am not sure she has any notion of my proposing at all," said Darcy.

"Of course she does. The young lady is head over ears in love with you," Georgiana said for perhaps the fifth time.

"I do not need your advice in matters of love," Darcy grumbled.

"I think you do," Georgiana said. "I am the one who married for love after all, and have been happy in my marriage for eight years. Who can give you advice on such a matter if not I?"

Darcy could not deny it.

Melody had wanted to stay up to see all the pretty dresses, so Darcy instructed her nurse to let her sit on the top of the staircase to watch the guests enter, and then to take her to bed.

"I will see you tomorrow, Melody, and then we will talk."

"You will tell me all about the ball?" she questioned.

"I will."

Melody had been punished by having Patches relegated to the stables for the rest of the house party. He had also followed through with his threat of never allowing her to take the cat on a trip again. She would stay at Pemberley when they travelled, and that was that. Melody had whined a bit about it, but when Darcy reminded her what danger Miss Elizabeth had been in, the girl capitulated.

As Darcy's valet dressed him, Darcy supposed the servant must have some idea of what was to happen that night; he had been his valet for over twenty years after all. Darcy had asked for his best suit and a stylish cravat for the evening, and he was usually not one to be dandyish. He wanted to look handsome for Miss Elizabeth. He wondered if she found him attractive physically, the way he found her attractive. Of course, he was a man of the world and familiar with desire; as a sheltered young gentlewoman, Elizabeth would not be. Still, Georgiana said he looked younger than his age; perhaps Elizabeth could find something to admire in his form.

He was nervous as he waited for Elizabeth to appear. The guests from the area had begun to arrive for the dance, and Darcy paid little attention as his neighbours greeted him. He kept looking toward the stairs.

Finally Elizabeth and Jane appeared. Most people would say that Jane was prettier; that she had a classic beauty that outmatched her sister's. But to Darcy there was no comparison. Elizabeth was lovelier in every respect. Perhaps there was not a perfect symmetry of her features; but she had a light and pleasing figure, and her dark eyes were very fine. Her chestnut curls seemed to have a mind of their own; they looked as playful as her personality. Tonight her hair was pulled up in a stylish chignon, but he saw one loose curl lying against her neck. He wanted to bury his face in her throat and inhale her lavender scent against her soft skin.

Her dress was a gorgeous confection of gold and silver that contrasted perfectly with her pink cheeks and dark hair. He had never seen her wear it before, and thought she looked incandescent in it. He approached the bottom of the stairs.

Elizabeth was nervous as she walked down into the ballroom with Jane; but then she saw Mr. Darcy at the foot of the stairs, his eyes shining as he gazed on her, and her nervousness melted away. Mr. Cranfield was also waiting there, but Elizabeth hardly noticed as he gave his arm to Jane to escort her to the ballroom.

"You look beautiful, Miss Elizabeth," said Darcy.

"Thank you, sir." She looked him up and down and noticed that he looked very handsome himself. She had never seen him so well-dressed, although he was always meticulous in his grooming and garments.

"May I escort you to the ballroom?" he asked, holding out his arm.

"Thank you," she said again, taking his arm.

"May I request the honour of the first dance, Miss Elizabeth?"

"You may," she said as her heart beat faster. Asking for the first dance was a sign of favour. Would he ask her to dance more than once tonight?

As the music began and they moved into position aside the other couples, Elizabeth thought about the first, and only other time they had danced. He had seemed like such a solemn, serious gentleman when he requested her hand. She had not known quite what to make of him. She could not mistake the light of admiration in his eyes tonight. Had he been attracted to her even then? She was the only one he had asked to dance that evening, and he had left soon after.

She admired his dancing now as she had the first time. He was remarkably graceful and light on his feet for such a tall man. She remembered the feel of the muscles on his chest and suppressed a blush.

"Have you enjoyed the house party, Miss Elizabeth?" Darcy asked.

"I have. You sister is a wonderful hostess. She has become a good friend to me."

"I am glad to hear it," he said. "She and I have always been very close."

"Will the Dunmores be returning to Scotland soon?"

"I believe their plans are not yet fixed."

They spent the rest of the dance in silence, each of them filled with a crackling awareness of the other. When the music faded away, Darcy spoke as he walked her back to Lord and Lady Sedley at the edge of the ballroom.

"Georgiana has ordered that a waltz be played later in the evening. Dare I hope you will dance it with me, Miss Elizabeth? And perhaps, after that, we may walk in the garden together?"

Elizabeth's heart lifted with hope. Perhaps he was going to propose after all! "I would love that, Mr. Darcy," she said with a blush, then added teasingly, "But I have never waltzed with anyone save my dancing master. I may disgrace you!"

"You could never disgrace me, Miss Elizabeth," he said, and she swore she could see tenderness in his eyes.

They reached the Sedleys, and instead of bowing and leaving her, Darcy took up a stance beside her. Elizabeth was thrilled. Was he staking a claim on her?

She was soon distracted by a young man coming to ask her to dance. She gave her agreement, her heart so light that her smile did not falter the rest of the evening. It seemed all the young gentlemen wanted to dance with her that night, but she was not attracted to the callow and immature. Mr. Darcy, with his maturity and experience, was the more desirable in her eyes.

Thinking about the walk in the garden with Mr. Darcy later, she was filled with joy, and laughed with her supper-dance partner over dinner. Darcy was sitting a few seats away with an older woman from the area, and he was watching her carefully, though he seemed to not want to be caught doing it. She just smiled brightly at him.

She managed to have a private word with Jane between dances.

"Jane, Mr. Darcy wants to take a walk with me in the gardens after the waltz. I think he is going to propose!"

"Oh, Lizzy! I am so happy for you!"

"Could you help me?"

"Of course! What can I do?"

"I need to make sure no one notices our sneaking away. I do not want any talk."

"Of course. Nicholas and I will make sure no one sees you."

"Thank you, dear Jane." She gave her sister a quick hug, and then was called to the floor by her next dance partner.

When the strains of the waltz filled the air, Elizabeth beamed as Mr. Darcy came to claim her hand. She had had such a wonderful evening, anticipating what was to come, that she was remarkably light on her feet as he led her through the steps. It was a marvellous feeling, being so close to him, almost held in his arms. She thought it would be delightful to spend the rest of her life that way. Perhaps her dream would come true this evening!

She was enjoying the dance so much that she hardly noticed that Darcy was not speaking. She looked up at him and saw that his face was serious as he gazed on her.

"Is everything all right, Mr. Darcy?" she asked, tilting her head to the side curiously.

He cleared his throat. "Yes, Miss Elizabeth."

"I have enjoyed this evening so much," she said with a happy sigh.

"I am glad," he said solemnly.

"I hope you have too?" she asked.

He inclined his head, but made no verbal answer. Elizabeth wondered what was wrong. Had someone said something to hurt his feelings? She had seen him dance with his sister, Lady Sedley, and a few married ladies from the area. Fortunately Mrs. Parkinson had not been here to ruin his night. She could not think what could have caused his disquietude, but quickly shrugged it off. She was going to enjoy the waltz, and then they would walk in the garden together!

Even after half an hour, she felt she had not spent enough time in his arms. But once the dance ended, he took her arm and began to escort her back to Lady Sedley. She was confused. "Are we not going for a walk in the garden, sir?" she asked.

Darcy hesitated, and that was when Elizabeth realized there might be truly something wrong.

"Yes, of course," he said after a moment.

Elizabeth gave Jane a look, and her sister and Mr. Cranfield at once took up a position to block the view of anyone who might see the couple sneaking outside.

The night air was cool and crisp, and Elizabeth inhaled deeply. Nothing could bother her tonight. She had Mr. Darcy on her arm, she was going to have him in her life for the rest of her days. She just had to wait for him to speak.

She waited. And she waited. But Mr. Darcy said nothing.

She finally looked up at him, but he was gazing into the distance, as if at nothing.

"Was there something particular you wished to say, sir?" she said, to encourage him.

He started, as if he had forgotten she was there. She felt unease stir inside her. "No. That is – I want to thank you for the time you have spent with Melody, and me. It has been a joy to get to know you."

"I enjoyed it very much as well, Mr. Darcy," she said, waiting for more.

He glanced at her, then away again. "It was very nice to have you at the house party, and I am glad you got to see Pemberley too."

Elizabeth smiled and nodded, but inside her heart was sinking. His tone was not that of a lover. He was speaking almost matter-of-factly, almost as if …

Was he saying goodbye?

Elizabeth decided not to come to a quick conclusion. Maybe he was working up to his proposal. Perhaps he was nervous.

But he did not speak again. Finally Elizabeth stopped walking. "Is that all you wished to say to me, sir?" she asked, trying to hide the hurt in her tone.

He glanced at her, then away again. "Yes. Perhaps I should return you to the house. You look as if you are getting chilled."

In shock, Elizabeth followed him in silence back to the house. She was dumbfounded. She had been certain that Mr. Darcy was going to propose. She felt such a fool. She had told herself over and over that such a man would never want a girl like her for a wife. She had deluded herself.

Mr. Darcy brought her back to where Lady Sedley was standing with Jane, bowed, and then left her without a word. Elizabeth felt herself holding back tears. Jane looked at her in bright expectation, but seemed to see something wrong in her sister's eyes, for she said quietly, "What is it, Lizzy?"

"If you will excuse me, I should like to retire to my room for the night," she said to Lady Sedley in a quavering voice.

"Of course," said Lady Sedley, who clearly had her own ideas about how the evening had gone. "Have a good rest, my dear."

Jane insisted on accompanying her sister, and they had barely reached her chamber when Elizabeth threw herself down on her bed and burst into tears.

"Oh, Lizzy! What is the matter?" asked Jane, sitting next to her sister and putting her arms around her.

"He does not love me, Jane. He never did!"

"What do you mean?" asked Jane confusedly. "Did Mr. Darcy not propose tonight?"

"No, he did not. He only brought me out in the garden to thank me for befriending him and his daughter, and to say goodbye."

"I cannot believe it!" exclaimed Jane. "I was so certain, and so was Nicholas!"

"I have been such a fool," said Elizabeth through her tears. "All this time I have been practically throwing myself at him. As if he would ever look at me as any more than a little girl!"

"Stop it, Lizzy! Do not say such things! I am sure Mr. Darcy loves you. Perhaps he was just nervous tonight and could not phrase his proposal correctly."

"No." Elizabeth shook her head. "During our entire waltz he looked very serious and solemn, and hardly spoke a word to me. He did not even want to take me out into the garden until I brought it up. He was going to take me right back to Lady Sedley."

"But…" Jane trailed off, confused.

"I am sure he will leave tomorrow and that will be the end of it," said Elizabeth bitterly. "I never should have let myself hope."

Jane just hugged her sister, unsure what to say.

"You should go back to Mr. Cranfield, Jane. Enjoy the rest of the evening."

"No. I will not leave you," said Jane loyally.

"I need to be alone to… to grieve, Jane. Please."

"Very well," said Jane reluctantly. "I will come check on you before I go to bed."

Elizabeth did not answer, just soaked her pillow with tears.

By the time Jane came back hours later, Elizabeth had cried herself to sleep.