10
The feel of Edward's lips pressed against hers was true, yet wrong at the same time. It took Bella a solid ten seconds to get her wits about her, and she brought her hands up between them, placing her palms on Edward's chest and pushing him away from her. He made to take a step toward her, but stopped when she put her hands further up, silently begging him to stop advancing. Her chest heaved with need, and tears betrayed her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself back into his arms, beg him to hold her, to kiss her, to want her, but she didn't because wanting and needing him now wasn't going to make her life better, or his life for that matter. So instead, she took a step backward.
"Bella," he murmured, lust pouring from his eyes.
"No."
"Bella," he said again, this time with more yearning than before.
Her will almost crumbled and she almost allowed him to kiss her again, but somehow, she found the strength to resist. "I'm sorry, but no," she whimpered. "Just . . . no."
And before he could stop her, she turned and rushed into the hospitality tent. What was he thinking about by kissing her like that? They couldn't be together. Not now. Not ever. Her life was already over. It was just a matter of time at this point. What kind of future could they have? Not like they could get married or have babies, not when her life was slipping away. Why'd he have to come to her now when she couldn't be with him?
Bella brought a hand up to her mouth as the flap to the tent opened and someone bumped into her. She squealed and turned, expecting Edward, or even Alice. But instead there were two woman — both gorgeous, tall, curvy, and wearing matching red and white bikinis that left little to the imagination. Their arms were muscular, their abs defined, and their skin toasted to perfection.
"Oh, um, sorry," Bella mumbled and limped out of the way.
"No, no, we're sorry," the first of the two. She had long blond hair that she wore in a braid down her back, and bright blue eyes and a kind smile. "Tanya and I weren't paying attention, right, Tan?"
"Totally," the other said. Her hair, which had been twisted into a messy bun on the top of her head, had a more reddish tint, though her eyes were just as blue. "Are you okay, honey?"
"I'm fine," Bella said, her voice breaking. She hated that she'd let her emotions get the best of her. Normally, she wasn't one to show her weakness, but the stress of the PV, meeting Edward, letting herself get closer to him than she had anyone in a long time, had her feelings on edge.
"No, you're not. You're hurt." Tanya looked from her to her partner and frowned. "Get her a chair, Rose."
"Oh, yeah, duh." Rose hurried over and grabbed a chair, dragging it to Bella. "Where does it hurt? Your knee? Maybe an ankle? I have the worst ankles. Twist them while walking across a flat surface."
"I'm not hurting," Bella said, but sat down anyway. Truth be told, her legs hurt, but that wasn't something new to her. "I, um, I'm fine. Really."
"Hmm, okay," Rose said, offering her a hand. "Name's Rose Hale. This is my partner Tanya Clearwater."
"Bella Swan," she murmured. "I'm sorry I bumped into you."
"Like I said, we weren't paying attention." Rose knelt in front of Bella while Tanya walked over to the ice bucket and pulled out three bottles of water. She rejoined them, offering one to each of them.
"Thank you," Bella said, but didn't bother opening it. "I'm okay, though. You don't have to do this."
"Do what?" Tanya asked, taking a hearty gulp of her water.
"This," Bella exclaimed, waving a wild hand in the air. "Tending to me. I'm fine."
"Okay," Tanya replied, but neither she nor Rose made any effect to leave her alone.
Bella stifled the urge to roll her eyes, but turned her attention to the front of the tent when the flap got pulled back and Esme and Alice entered. They shifted their eyes from Bella to Rose and Tanya and back, their smiles falling immediately.
"I'm fine," Bella insisted before either of them could say anything.
"Is she a friend of yours?" Rose asked, tilting her head toward Bella, but addressing her comments to Esme and Alice.
"She's my sister," Esme replied. "What happened?"
"Tanya and I bumped into her when we were coming into the tent," Rose explained, gesturing to Tanya. "Noticed that she was limping, and, well, I guess we forced her to sit. She keeps insisting that she's fine."
"And I am," Bella quipped, tossing her unopened water bottle onto the closest table and standing. Esme, Alice, Rose, and Tanya all reached out for her, but Bella yanked her arms back. "Everyone just leave me alone! Just stop!"
Feeling humiliated and embarrassed, Bella pushed her way past the four of them and out of the tent. Edward and Jasper were standing a few yards away with Carlisle, who was wearing a pair of dark green board shorts and a white T-shirt. The three men turned in her direction, but Bella simply shook her head and left them standing there. She couldn't handle the pity coming off any of them and the last thing she wanted was for Edward to kiss her again.
That was a lie. She wanted him to kiss her more than anything, but that would only lead to heartache and Bella couldn't hurt him like that. It was selfish, she knew, but Edward was better off chasing after someone else, someone who wasn't going to die.
—BD&BH—
For most of the day, Bella had been able to avoid interacting with Esme, Alice, and especially Edward. Her heart ached for him, a feeling she didn't quite understand. Truth be told, she barely knew the guy. One dinner, an afternoon of binging on Netflix, and a few hostile encounters didn't equal a relationship. And why was he so intent on pursuing her? Was it because he pitied her? That had to be it. He felt sorry that she was going to die alone, never having fallen madly, passionately in love.
"Love is stupid," she muttered to herself.
"Wow, don't hold back."
Bella startled, not expecting anyone to have heard her. She had slipped under the bleachers to change out the battery and memory card on her camera. When she turned, she found Carlisle leaning against the side, his hands gripping the bar above his head.
"She sent you to talk to me, didn't she?"
"Yes," he said with a smile. "Esme's worried. Said you've been in a mood all day."
Bella hummed, but didn't deny the claim. She had been in a mood. She'd opened herself up emotionally, something she hadn't done in a long, long time.
"You know, it's okay to be pissed," he added, releasing the bar and taking a couple steps toward her. "I am."
"You are?" Bella asked.
Carlisle nodded. "I may be in love with your sister, Bella, but you're my family, too. You, Charlie, Esme — you were there for me when my mom and dad couldn't be in the same room without screaming at each other. You became my family when mine was falling apart. Losing Charlie, watching you slowly slip away, it just . . . I don't know, Bella, it pisses me the fuck off."
"Me, too," Bella murmured. "I'm not ready to die, Carlisle. I've barely begun to live. It's not fair."
"No, it's not," he admitted.
"He kissed me." The words slipped out before Bella could stop them. She shifted her eyes toward Carlisle, expecting shock or surprise, but finding neither. "Edward kissed me."
"I heard you."
"What am I supposed to do?" she asked. "I want him, Carlisle. I want him so much, but it's not fair to ask him to want me when . . ."
"When you're dying," he said, and Bella nodded. "Save him the heartache, right?"
"Yeah," she said with a sigh.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," he scoffed, causing Bella to gasp. "You think the fact that you're dying is why you're pushing him away? That's been your M.O. for as long as I've known you. You don't let yourself get close to anyone. I get it. I do. You don't want to be hurt. Not like Charlie was. Letting yourself love someone just to watch them walk out the door and never look back — that's heartbreaking, so you push everyone away before you can get too close. Everyone but Edward, apparently."
"So what am I supposed to do?" Bella asked. "Throw myself at him? Take him to bed and spend the next five years letting him watch as I shit myself? As I become bed ridden, as I die? I can't do that to him, Carlisle, I can't!"
"Nobody is saying you have to marry the guy, kiddo. Just don't let Kuf's keep you from living. You've only got a few decent years left, and instead of wallowing away in misery, you're drowning in grief." Carlisle smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe I'm just a foolish man, but I think he's worth in your life."
And with nothing more to say, Carlisle turned and walked away, leaving Bella with a lot to think about.
—BD&BH—
As the rest of the afternoon slipped by, Carlisle's advice weighed heavily on Bella. Was her reluctance to get involved with Edward because she was sick, or was there more to it? It's true that if she hadn't been sick, she might have already slept with him. Good sex was good sex, but would she have wanted more? Probably not, but that was because of the Kuf's, right?
"You're losing your mind," she mumbled under breath as she zoomed in on the match she was photographing.
She was laying on her stomach just outside of the boundary with her camera angling upward. Inside the ring were Tanya Clearwater and Rose Hale, the two players who had bumped into her inside the hospitality tent. They were leading their opponents — two women from Brazil — by a set and a half. They were strong and fierce. Where Tanya worked the net, Rose covered the back of the line. It seemed like she knew which way the ball was coming before their competitors had even touched it. They were the best women's team she'd ever seen.
Tanya had just leapt to spike the ball down when Bella captured the picture, knowing immediately that it would be a keeper. After a few more serves, the match was over and Rose and Tanya were celebrating a well-earned victory. Bella shifted from her stomach so that she was seated, leaning against the barriers that kept her off the sandy court. As she started flipping through the shots she'd taken, she felt someone watching her.
Her breath caught in her chest as she looked around, finding Edward leaning against the bleachers on the far side of the pit. Even from fifty yards away, she could feel the yearning to be close to him. Could she, though? Could she be with him knowing they didn't have a future?
"We had no idea you were the tournament photographer."
Bella shook her head and looked way from Edward, turning toward the pit where Tanya and Rose were standing with smiles on their faces.
Rose stretched a hand toward her. "Let me help you up."
"Thank you." Bella took her up on the offer, wrapping her fingers around her hand and trying to get her legs under her as Rose pulled. She winced as her knees locked. Her muscles ached even more than they had that morning.
"You sure you're okay from earlier?" Tanya asked.
"I'm fine," she said, putting on a fake smile. "That was a hell-of-a match."
"Eh, we did okay," Rose said, shrugging her shoulders. "Need to work on my sets more. Tanya really had to work to get the ball over the net because I wasn't setting her up good enough."
"Ignore her, Bella," Tanya said, laughing. "She always spends at least an hour after a match complaining about what she thinks she needs to do better, when in reality, she's pretty damn perfect."
"No, I'm not," Rose scoffed. "Anyway, we'd better hit the showers. We stink."
After leaving Tanya and Rose, Bella packed up her camera and headed out toward the parking lot to meet Esme. However, it wasn't Esme in the parking lot. It was Edward. He was leaning against the side of Esme's Thing, his legs crossed at the ankles, his arms folded in front of him. He was still wearing the same shorts and tank top that he'd worn when he and Jasper defeated Newton and Crowley that morning.
"Hey," she said, stopping a few feet away from him. "Where's my sister?"
Edward smiled. "She left an hour ago with Carlisle. Asked me to make sure you got home okay. You and her car, of course."
Bella nodded, inwardly cursing her sister. She should have suspected something like this after her conversation with Carlisle. "I'll take a cab."
"Really? You're going to take a cab instead of riding with me?" he asked. "The kiss wasn't that bad."
"It wasn't?" Bella raised an eyebrow. "Kind of sloppy, if you ask me."
"Good thing I didn't ask you." Edward smiled wider. "And it was anything but sloppy, and you know it."
Bella bit the inside of her lip. "Maybe."
Edward pushed himself off the side of the car and opened the passenger side door. "I gave Esme my word that you'd get home safely. Don't make a liar out of me."
"Fine, but you'd better drive better than you run."
"You stepped in front of me," Edward teased. Once she was inside the car, he closed the door and leaned over the side so that his lips were just inches from her ear. "I'll take care of you, Bella. You have my word on that."
The promise behind his words didn't go unnoticed, but Bella didn't say anything. What was she supposed to say? Okay? Thank you? I'm sorry for making you want to be with me? No, no, there wasn't anything she could say that would be all right.
Edward rushed around to the driver's side and climbed in behind the wheel. He gave her a smile before he started the car and shifted into first gear. "I've never quite mastered the skills needed to drive a stick."
"And Esme let you drive her car?" Bella laughed.
"I, um, I might not have told her that little detail," he admitted.
"Oh, wow, okay, switch spots with me," she snickered.
"What?"
"Look, if you fuck up Esme's car, she will lose her shit. This Thing is her pride and joy, her baby. Let me drive."
"Okay."
As Bella rounded the back of the car, she noticed the black and red duffle back in the backseat and picked it up as she looked at Edward. "This yours?"
He nodded. "Figured I'd clean up and change at your house before we head out again. Save us some time."
"Oh really? And just where are we going?" she asked, letting the bag slip from her fingers.
"To a party."
"I don't go to parties," she scoffed and yanked the car door open with more force than needed.
"Well, you are tonight," he said, climbing into the passenger seat. "It's the traditional VP Luau, Bella. You have to come."
"I don't have to do anything," she quipped, and started the car.
"You keep talking about living your life to the fullest, Bella, but you aren't," he said. "You hide away at home because it's safe. You want to live — I mean really live — then come with me. Take a chance on me."
Bella nodded as tears threatened to fall. "Okay."
A few minutes later, Bella was cruising down the highway toward their house. Edward sat with his hand resting on the headrest on Bella's seat. She kept expecting him to stroke her hair, to reach down and place his hand on her knee, but he didn't, and she wasn't sure if she was disappointed or relieved that he wasn't touching her.
Thank you for the reviews. I apologize for the delay. Real life has been at Bitch and, yeah, shit happens. Do me a solid and leave me a few words.