AN: Rowling's world
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Chapter 8. About the Risk
It was a morning so shiny and bright even the sun's rays could break their way through the lake and they descended glowingly onto the dungeons, making all the silver ornaments glitter in their gold and green lights and livening up the massive stone-walls.
Or was it just the good night's rest finally in safety and the imminent breakfast?
Severus Snape didn't know and hardly contemplated this, he was only glad about the rare peace and shelter. If his thoughts were occupied while looking after his morning routine, they were deliciously engaged with the long-expected full English breakfast with juice, and coffee and tea and all the marvels he felt well-deserved after his days of indigence.
As a usual small strike of annoyance as soon as he lifted his utensils, as someone knocked at the door. He determinedly cut into his sausage before he cried out his enter, dismissing his wards. Whoever waited on the other side should be sure about the poor timing of the visit, in the least!
However, McGonagall didn't seem to mind seeing him preoccupied. She accepted the offered seat and refused the breakfast, only looked around with mild curiosity. She seemed to be in awe of the unusual lightshow under the water, and, judging by her features, enjoyed herself immensely.
After the usual pleasantries in which she showed an unusual degree of polite curiosity and tact, Severus finally understood the goal of her unexpected visit.
"I hear we have our newest DADA teacher, Albus tells she has strong links to the Ministry. Have you happen to heard about her?"
"Fudge's puppet or the other way around. She is the talk of both sides," Severus summarized. "It would be surprising if she proved any use as a teacher, not that she came to us in a way to expect even degree of normalcy."
"Umbridge, is it? Was she a Slytherin? I hoped you might be acquainted…"
"As much as you know all Gryffindors of these past generations, I am glad for the sake of my correspondence, that I have not such a wide range of acquaintance." – Severus answered with a good-natured grimace. "Also, in her case, I gather I lost little by the lack of opportunity."
"Albus compared her to the Dementors" – Minerva's apprehension was plain to see – "I just wonder what we are to put up with!"
"Nothing to look forward to judging by the glee on Lucius' face."
"Lucius Malfoy? Did he stage this?"
"Only a gloating observer this time."
"Oh, dear! Now I'm even less inclined to trust her." – Minerva sighed.
"And you should not." Severus contemplated going further but he felt he should add – "Minerva, you know that I might not be in a position to… express my thoughts on the matter, do you? When I say Lucius is bursting with glee that also compels me to… appreciate those interests and discretions which are often less than congruent to my own."
"Oh, I know that very well, but we are not yet in company. After the school year begins, I'd never tell you how endearing I find the lights under the lake, either." – She waved his warning away.
"Yes, this is exactly the gravity the situation holds; I thank you for the mature comparison of the two matters." – Severus inclined his head to a mocking bow.
Minerva laughed so brazenly he was sure all her pups would have had a heart attack. "Well, I'm glad about your reminder why I am beginning to see you as a friend."
Severus halted, even his breath caught for a short second. He had no idea how to reply. If any soul dared to foretell to his former self about twenty years ago that one day he would hear the Head of Gryffindor refer to him as a friend, moreover, in a manner he was compelled to accept it, also, honestly, he didn't mind it as much as he thought he would… let's just put it he would have cursed that arsehole and never talked to him again. The boys he used to share a dorm with would have probably tried to emasculate him. Heck, Mulciber might still issue his prompt evisceration, and if Lucius once got wind of it, the shameless bastard would probably collapse on his fine hand-made Persian carpet writhing in spasms of laughter and spitting his dear mead!
Still, it was not too far-fetched of the way he felt too, and now he was only bewildered and at a complete loss for words. McGonagall must have understood his incapability of giving an answer, for she reached out to pat his knee and ascended from her seat to take her leave.
Where words failed though, courtesy kicked in, and Severus found himself walking the old witch to his door, where finally she pitied him and navigated them back to more familiar waters than the ocean of awkwardness she just evoked.
"Ah, I forgot, have you heard about the other newbie? The replacement for Binns?" She turned back at the door. "I hope we are not into another surprise from the Malfoys or the Ministry…"
"No, she's different… "- Severus replied gratefully and absently – "It turns out Mad-Eye has a daughter. What is more, she recently left Beauxbatons."
"Well, if she's anything like her father, we are doomed." – McGonagall summarized and shortly left him alone. Unlike the thoughts, she provoked.
For the sake of all that gracious, how the hell did he come to be friends with McGonagall?! Also, what could she mean by insinuating that witch could be anything like her father? Merlin, she was not… Ridiculously not!
Severus stared at the latch of the door for minutes uncounted after he was left alone, and tried to comprehend all that whirlwind of thoughts and feelings he was not ready for. Minerva could have lost her mind completely, or she was just the senseless Gryffindor she should be. However their association slowly developed, Severus knew he would have never been able to phrase it. The solution was easy, he would just list this impossible occurrence with the other unexplainable Gryffindorish madness. But that other witch? She left him also bewildered. And there was not such a handy excuse.
Although if anyone was doomed was yet to be seen, she obviously carried the possibility of great trouble. It was impossible to lie under Legilimency, but he was the first to attest how possible it was to mislead. And misleading seemed encoded in that witch! She had a disturbing semi-openness, her humour was sarcastic, and these two made even her politeness disconcerting. The fact he found no ulterior motives when he entered her mind might mean two things. She was either honest, and by some unfathomable reason, she wanted to help him, or she outsmarted him in mind magic. The first was inconceivable, the second yet unprecedented, praise for it any deity who cares to accept! Another addition to the label he eventually found for her: disturbing. Disturbing witch from head to toe.
Shaking his head, Severus marched back to his rooms and vanished the tray with a quick wave of his wand. He decided to dedicate himself to more fruitful ruminations and walked over to his lab to revisit his research about pain-reducing potions and do some additional brewing to satisfy the numerous orders among his old-new "friends."
His work chased away any other thoughts, and it was nearing nightfall when he first looked up in a daze to find the source of his concentration failing. Was it hunger? Peculiar. He tidied his workplace and penned his last notes before ordering a meal he could carry outside. Basking in the rare peace of the day and enjoying the warm evening, he leaned onto a tree trunk and had his dinner watching the lake, so he missed the green flames igniting in his living room's hearth.
Mad-Eye Moody looked about the empty room, cursed and pulled his head back, deciding not to tempt Snape's wards by Flooing in unexpectedly. A few minutes later, he Apparated to the Hogwarts gates, annoyed by the inconvenience.
By the time the well-worked up Auror found him at the lake, Severus had finished his meal and was contentedly watching the rising stars, but his wand soon found its way into his hand when he heard Mad-Eye traipsing through the grounds and yelling at him.
"Don't you dare think for a second that I'm here because there is the tiniest thing I like about you," – Moody began before he was close enough to be heard if he had talked in a normal tone. His magical eye rolled frantically and his features were set in a violent grimace as he approached the other wizard resting under the tree. "There is not." the old Auror pointed out. "Not a cell, not a hair, nothing on the world. I do not agree with Dumbledore, and I will never trust you. And if you dare to do to my daughter what you did yesterday ever again, I will find a way to make you regret it for the rest of your pathetic life. Have I made myself clear?"
Snape stood up under the tree. "Quite."
Moody nodded with a heavy sigh. "Good." His magical eye finally finished its crazy whirling, and his stance relaxed somewhat. "Against my better judgement, Albus sent me to inform you that the Potter-kid was expelled from this school for using underaged magic in a Muggle's presence. Albus is currently at the Ministry softening hearts or whatever he deems necessary. You should not go on your ominous ways before he settles the issue. That's the message. It was private, and unfortunately, I was the one around, so he made me his owl. Doesn't have any use at the Ministry anyway."
Severus heard about the first third of what he had to say. Expelled? What the actual fuck was that miserable bastard thinking? Expelled? Granted, the brat has never been a brain-fighter, but expelled for underage magic? What could have possibly made the idiot little twat perform magic among his muggle relatives for the third time?!
Severus remembered well enough when it happened first, he got a smaller shock when Dumbledore told him, but the issue was hushed soon, and without much consequences. He let himself be talked into letting it all go and trust Dumbledore and his judgement, but when the boy had the nerve to show up with a muggle car, risking the whole world to see him. He was into teaching the idiot and his red-headed second self a lesson of their lives. To be so braindead to counteract the Statue of Secrecy not less but twice in a summer! But of course, Albus always had to show leniency towards Gryffindor idiocy, here's the result.
The last thing he would have imagined was hearing about the boy's fleeing the sanctuary of the blood wards only a year later. Dumbledore was contented talking to Fudge repeatedly, but he cut his summer short, and instead of getting on with his lagging reading, he went on lurking about Diagon Alley to ensure if the boy happened to run into Black, the right one of them would meet his very much timely and cruel death. Only to learn later that the lout was the boy's goddamned godfather and all was suddenly well. Black walks on to live his miserable life with his werewolf pal and… Oh, Sweet Merlin!
Severus' breath caught painfully in his lungs. It was a pattern! Since the beginning of his second year the brat knew he had no more shots about the underage-law, so as soon as he did something stupid he ran aimlessly to London. Now he even had reason to do that! Black was an idiot but he was indeed the boy's godfather, presently at London. Even if the brat would have no means on the world to find him hidden by the Fidelius. Sure as night and day Potter would attempt to get to London again. He would try to seek out his godfather and then– Severus closed his eyes for a short second before he turned his back on Moody to run up to the castle.
He had a half thought-out plan about Flooing to Grimmauld and go out to town at least to check on the others. He knew Avery's favourite places, Goyle probably hunted more to the south, but he was not sure about Crabbe, and Nott must be running in circles according to his tasks. He would need a story to feed to Malfoy, as the brat's luck usually worked he very well may run into Lucius as soon as he gets off the Knight Bus and…
Moody's warning shout and the instinct which always alarmed him when a wand pointed on his back made him abruptly stop.
"Where do you think you're going?" Moody's stance turned as hostile as his tone when Snape's wand also slid out of his robe sleeve and stood up in his hand.
"The brat will run away. He did before." Snape announced out of breath
"What is that to you? Albus said, you are to wait here, so waiting you will, or Merlin help me-"
"Don't you understand? He will ruin everything! There's no chance that miserable little fool can find the Order, but even if he does, he has no means to-"
"Wait a moment, what are you talking about? If Potter gets under the Fidelius that's only good, no reason to worry about him anymore! Unless you're bothered by your kind-"
"Enough!" Snape's wand was up at heart-level against the Auror in a blink and his voice got dangerously law. "This is not about your ridiculous vendetta against me and whoever you deem to be my so-called kind, I heard much more than enough of your disparaging blabbering! Think!" – He snarled. "If you had brain enough to send out the Order to look about for the boy if he goes to London, even if you happen to grab the brat and whisk him away under the Fidelius before my freaking so-called kind" – he spat the word – "finds him. The moment you do so, you'd break the blood-wards because he would call his godfather's filthy house his home! Are you ready to protect him until the end of his miserable life? Because he would need that without attending Hogwarts even if we weren't straight into this bloody war!"
Alastor Moody's good eye narrowed into a split, and for a short while, Severus hoped against hope that he contemplated his words.
"You have to do what Dumbledore told you. I will do what he asked of me. You stay until he tells otherwise, don't you think for a second you can frighten me. Potter is Albus's task, not yours. You overact your feat, there's no way you care. I know you. Dementors are running about the boy and all you care is to get back to your peers and-"
Mad-Eye failed to notice as Snape's pale face turned almost green in his surprise.
"What Dementors?"
"Well, what old Mrs. Figg reported, two Dementors in the Muggle-district shortly before the incident. Dumbledore has a strong case; they must listen to him. The boy used magic in self-defence. This should count if anything. He wanted you to stay, so you will stay until I hear about him."
Severus lowered his wand in frustration. He had weathered these past fourteen years, despite his honest wish to follow Lily to the other side, with the sole reason that she might want him to watch over the boy. At least Dumbledore said so. He did everything he could only to find if he had no notion of such an attack, it was all for naught, and he failed in every aspect. If the Dark Lord or someone from his circles sent Dementors after Potter and he didn't know about it, the only possible reason was that the Dark Lord did not trust him enough to inform him of the plan. His father was right, he was utterly useless. Damn Iris Dubois!
Severus turned away from the Auror, momentarily losing any interest if he was going to get cursed or not. If he'd never heard that melodic chirping and the swish of wide wings behind him, he would have either accepted Mad-Eye's Stupefy, or marched up to Grimmauld, and if nothing else, at least seek out Tuney and have some homelier words. Still, the sounds unmistakably announced a phoenix, and when Severus turned, Mad-Eye had already taken the short note Dumbledore's bird carried.
"He knows you must be in a state, although why you are, I can't even begin to imagine. He wants me to tell you he succeeded. Harry is safe among the blood-wards. They are intact." – The Auror lifted his eyes from the note. "He's suspended until his formal hearing." When Snape nodded and tried to turn away, he quickly added: "You are still to stay. Albus wants to talk to you."
"Then he surely will." –Severus mumbled and walked back to the castle.
Such retribution of fate for daring to enjoy a single day of peace and calm had to get washed down with something strong. Anything would do that would stop him from thinking. However, in the solitude of his quarters, and after burning a bouquet of rosemary and emptying a full glass of fire-whiskey, he found nothing would stop his thoughts. However, they deviated from the problem at hand in the strangest ways.
Upon reflection, he found Mad-Eye was calmer than he ever would have expected. His old cruel and abhorrent self, still he seemed to listen at least for a while. It was more than what he ever saw from the Auror and he wondered what had gotten into the old man while he waited for Dumbledore to send him out to the next impossible task.
The "calming discussion" only took place around midnight when the headmaster finally got back to Hogwarts. Dumbledore related the whole incident, finally sharing all the details while Snape anxiously paced in the Headmaster's office.
"The wards are intact." Dumbledore finished, telling for the hundredth time. "Petunia needed a strong reminder of her promises, but I believe we are back to normal for now."
"I should have known." Severus burst out what bothered him the most. "Nothing suggested this being the Dark Lord's plan. I should have known about it, but there was not a single word, not a sign, nothing, Albus!"
"And now you're afraid you've lost his trust." The old wizard nodded. "Perhaps, you did. Or perhaps there was nothing to know about."- He offered. "A spur of the moment? A solitary action?"
"No, this was planned."-Snape shook his head. "Only a powerful wizard can move the Dementors or Ministry-authority. Since the second is unlikely. I would like to search for a perpetrator among the new recruits. Although none of those seemed capable. This is not a level anyone without serious influence… Like Lucius or perhaps Avery. Maybe Avery if he found a way to drag somebody into his dealings from the Ministry, but that's also impossible." – He added on second thought.
"Why would it be impossible? I wouldn't exclude the Ministry at this point. You take this issue too close to heart, my boy, and that does not help your strategical thinking."
"Because it would need to be planned for weeks! We are only a month into the summer and the Dark Lord hasn't been much longer back in the world of the living. There is no way to figure and carry out such a scheme if someone planned it since his return. But who and why? And why wouldn't they tell it the Dark Lord? If he knew it, I should have known it and THAT I do take close to heart." He took a long, calming breath. "Not just because it's my skin if I've lost his trust already, but for the job, I promised you I would undertake. I should have known, Albus, and you know that."
"Well, yes, you certainly should, but none of us is omnipotent." Dumbledore sighed and leaned back in his armchair. "We both know you might have a reason for losing his trust for your selfish ways and entertainment, but let's hope it is yet to happen."
Severus turned away from the headmaster and to the office's window with a painful grimace. His 'selfish' way had led him into near-death, then to the Siberian woods, where his entertainment was pondering an old question and… He won't think about the other, even with his back to the old man's chair. All right, his fault, he accepted, although he could not honestly mind feeling his magic pulsing under his skin, enjoying some peace of mind, and feeling as young as he actually was, for a change.
"Maybe it is your trust that I lost." He finally addressed the headmaster, but Dumbledore's smile didn't falter.
"Oh, I know you, my boy. You cannot surprise me. However," – he leaned forward and touched his fingers together above his desk – "I do have something I would be glad if you looked after." – He only continued after Snape nodded. "This unfortunate incident showed how talented Harry is. He stood his place miraculously, not only saving himself but also his cousin. I talked to his godfather and friends tonight, and while they share my pride for him, they also seem to worry. Have you known Harry now feels Voldemort's presence even when they are not physically close?"
How would he know? Certainly, the brat would never count him among his friends… "No, Sir."
"I thought so." Dumbledore thoughtfully watched him for a moment. "Never mind, now I believe I heard everything important. Sirius repeatedly told me about Harry's scar. We knew it reacts to Voldemort's proximity. Lately, it aches even without the stimulation of his presence…unless the presence is within."
Severus could only stare at him for a long second. "Do you mean a presence within the child's mind?"
"I can't be sure, but it's a possible explanation. If only I was wrong! We have always known the rebounding curse made a connection between the two of them, but I cannot be certain about its nature. I need more time to understand this completely if you…"
"Headmaster, even you cannot risk the Dark Lord having a free rein in the boy's mind! If what you imply… proves to be true, none of us stand a chance of hindering his plans. As soon as the boy returns to school, you will have a thousand students in imminent danger of the most powerful dark wizard taking over any time he chooses. If you move the boy to the Headquarters, no one and nothing will be safe there either..."
"Severus!" Dumbledore's imploring tone jolted him out of his horror. "Harry is my concern. I am asking you to ascertain if Voldemort is aware of this possibility. As much as we know at the moment, I may also be entirely wrong."
Snape wished with all his being that he was. "Yes, sir. Is there anything else I could do for you, headmaster?" He asked politely before stepping out the door.
"Well, why you're at it, it was nice to put your theory under test. Maybe you find out who the perpetrator was today. Just for curiosity's sake." Dumbledore smiled. "We are free to discuss your philosophical endeavours after your return."
Severus nodded and closed the door before he let a reply slip out between his teeth. Of course, it was a vain hope Albus Dumbledore would ever let something as personal as someone's own magic give a rest. However, he needed a rest and quiet to gather his thoughts before he returned to the Dark Lord's presence unrequested.
After gaining back some peace of mind with his occlumency meditation, and being again in control of his feelings, Severus turned his attention of the task: To ask the Dark Lord if he happened to possess Harry Potter! This is a joke or just a short route to fulfillment if he had an imminent death wish. So how to do it? He put the question aside.
To find the perpetrator among the rows of the higher-ranked Death Eaters. He understood Dumbledore was not convinced only they could have done it, but Severus could not help his fears. Whoever pulled this stunt, the Dark Lord had to know it! And he wanted to know what the Dark Lord knew! Now he might work his way through each and every member of the first circle slowly, risking getting taken by surprise if someone reported back his curiosity to the Dark Lord, or…
Or he could ask Voldemort himself if he sent Dementors to the boy and by chance did he also possess him?
Oh, Merlin! Like it was not a problem acute enough on its own right if he lost the Dark Lord's trust because of his "escapades". Although his contemplations were closer to what most called dark magic. Something none of Dumbledore's circles would ever approve of! Could he use that?
Running through all that has been said and done since Moody arrived with the bad news, Severus realized how the old Auror must have perceived his running up the hill. Let's make him be right! Carefully covering all his feelings, Severus adjusted the memory.
Now how to cover his experimenting with magic? He felt he needed to tone that down. No birds, no flight, no sense of strength. But actually, he liked its humming presence, he tried to invent a way to evoke it just before Mad-Eye ran him down. That kept him so calm as long as – this was not useful. The memory was to stay, but he had to tone it down…
The last step was to invent a way to grab and hold Voldemort's attention. Severus shook his head over the idiocy of it, but it might also work. Everyone kept saying he was not violent enough, would that impress the Dark Lord?
Snape Apparated to Little Hangleton, ready for a different approach and determined to make a great impression.
He walked up to the old manor house and made the doors open with a move of his wand, rushed through the corridor and entered the long parlour without slowing down. A compulsory bow to the Dark Lord, but his eyes searched the perimeter of the room only to find Avery and Pettigrew present.
"Which idiot did it?" – Snape demanded, deliberately evading the Dark Lord's gaze. "Which prized idiot launched the Dementor-attack?"
He saw Avery looking at the Dark Lord and took his chances, rushed through the room, wand out, and Avery hangs already two feet above the floor, pinned on the wall like invisible hands of a giant grabbed him up by the collar of his robe.
"Let me punish this fool, My Lord, because he failed you immensely!" Snape asked with an air of impatient bloodthirstiness, carefully focusing on Avery to avoid eye-contact.
Voldemort's voice sounded amused. "And how did he do so?"
"My lord, the boy was hardly protected. If it wasn't for the blood-wards, any fool could have gotten him, but by alarming the guards, this idiot raised his protection. I could have made his godfather take him, thus presenting you with them both. Now we have to conquer half the Order only to watch as he's moved." He played his bluff. Now he had to wait and hope.
It was hard to push a contented smirk aside when he felt the Dark Lord's distant touch about his mind. Snape continued keeping his focus on Avery, shook him with a wand-move and prolonged the minute when he finally had Voldemort's full attention, knowing that the lack of connection would frustrate the Dark Lord. At that moment, his plan to anger him enough to make him talk seemed less congenial an idea than it had been about dawn.
"It wasn't me!" – Avery squeaked from the wall – "Snape! Snape, let me go! It must have been Lucius… My Lord! I had nothing to do with it! My lord, you have to believe me!"
"You're pathetic,"- the Dark Lord hissed. "Severus, let him go! Look at me!"
With a nonverbal Stupefy, Snape let Avery slip down by the wall and looked boldly into the gleaming red eyes to show the well-prepared fragments of his memory about the Order-meeting. He showed the discussion of moving Potter and highlighted his conversation with Black, where he was goading the dog. "I could have served you them both, my lord." He repeated reverently and shared the vision of his desperate run toward the castle and the parts of conversation where Moody accused him of trying to warn the Death Eaters. "How am I supposed to work when these amateurs are free to step in my way?" As for the last thought, he let the memory of his meditation under the tree by the lake leak through the connection. If Dumbledore was right, the Dark Lord must have already felt the same change the headmaster kept mentioning. Now he intended it as bait.
"Calm, Severus, you need to be patient with them."- Voldemort chided him, but his mild amusement was also palpable. Snape was not as bold as to try and peek into his mind, but he felt the Dark Lord's amusement and slight apprehension through their connection. "I told you, I need the prophecy before getting to the boy again. Why would you hurry his fate? I won't move a finger before I know precisely what I'm going to face."
"You also mentioned you wished for Black, my lord. However, undeserving your servant whom you would present him may be, your wish is my command." After a bow, Snape looked up at the Dark Lord deliberately with sad eyes. "You ordered your servants to assist your wishes, but my only duty is to wait. You entrusted me with the punishment of an errand bootlicker, and then I learn, the smallest among us let her escape before I arranged for a place where she could serve you the most! Let me punish those who hinder me in your service, let me gift you to deserve…"
Upon the first mention of an undeserving servant gifted with Black, Pettigrew shifted by the wall with discomfort, but by the time Snape mentioned punishment, he was straight away bleating. Snape turned on him with a double purpose. On the one hand, he regretted not silencing the rat before a vital conversation such as this; on the other, he wanted to break eye-contact before his fear of going too far became evident.
"Have I not warned you, she was gifted to me? Yet you let her free ahead of time." – He lifted a wand, but Voldemort's laughter stopped his hand.
"My, my, Peter, isn't Severus livid? I forgot you were trusted to guard his captive! You're so eager to please, but in the end, you don't accomplish the smallest duty. Now how will your failure be forgotten? You'll be punished as a bad servant, and there's nothing I can do about it… Go on, Severus… let me watch!"
On Snape's wand move, Pettigrew lifted in the air, his neck painfully wrung as he hung by his collar.
"But my lord!" Pettigrew squealed – "My lord, I haven't…" – he had sense enough not even try to plead to Snape, who went on giving small cuts on both his hands, then across his face. Severus hated torture, but that didn't mean he had knowledge of it, and he took his task slow hoping to avoid the worst. If there was a single human being he didn't mind using to serve his cause that would be the secret-keeper who sold out his friend. "But my lord, you agreed!" – Pettigrew yelled again in despair, but this, Voldemort did not find as entertaining.
"Silence!" – The Dark Lord hissed, and the next moment Pettigrew hit his head on the ceiling and passed out. Snape let his body slide down to the floor before he turned. Voldemort casually put his wand back in place before dismissing the scene with a wave of his hand. "Don't mind that fool! He's useless most of the time. Now look at me, Severus, because you have something more to tell."- The nonchalant voice suddenly turned deathly cold.
Severus had prepared for this moment since the first light of dawn. Most of his memories concerning his new approach on magic and any traces of his unsupported flight carefully tucked away, he braved those red eyes and deliberately evoked the feeling of trust in magic itself. Keeping eye-contact, he let his magic run untamed within him. He showed the strength of a skilled wizard shooting through an untrained child's openness for first magic, letting the Dark Lord see a good part of its shine. Not all. He had spent most of the hours before daybreak learning to conceal the full force of his magic, not only fearing the Dark Lord's answer but also his own magic's reaction to Legilimency.
Those red eyes still rounded out with sudden recognition, and Snape hid his eyes with a formal bow.
"All to serve you better, my lord." – He knew he had to look in those red orbs again not to awake suspicions, and he tried to swallow his fearful reluctance against his dry throat. "As I have already told you, I was preparing for your return all these years."
"Impressive,"- hissed the snakiest voice. "And what did you achieve with that development?"
"I was hoping you would teach me, my lord,"- Snape replied with coldblooded boldness and tried not to waver when Voldemort laughed up loud.
"Outstanding!" – He cried – "Your insolence is peerless! Such as your ability…" – he added, now calmer and turning severe. "You hid this all from your comrades only to gain time to buy my wisdom; and now, that they failed you, you turn up livid, still demanding your due!"
"Wouldn't it be a lie, my lord, if I tried to mislead you until I proved myself more deserving?"
"Wasn't it a lie when you failed to show what you acquired along the years in the first place?" – The Dark Lord asked back in a dangerously low voice, but Snape's keen attention recognized the small twitch of amusement in the corner of his eye.
"What I offer, I offer for you and no other. This is… personal, my lord. I wouldn't show it to this lot. Would you even want me to?"
The small twitch of amusement grew into a definite wrinkle as the Dark Lord gave in. "Maybe young Crouch was not the only sensible one grabbing onto my tail…" – he rewarded his servant with a rare smile." Now I know what you want, I can understand you. Make sure, this to be the way between us!" – He warned.
"Yes, my lord."
"You cannot prove your worth by running after that child now. I do want the prophecy before I touch him again. However, you may help Lucius at the Ministry if you can. Avery hinders him, but we all have our dead load to carry. Pettigrew and the French woman will be yours. You placed her quite well. I was almost impressed. Now tell me, Severus, how much does your dear old headmaster know about your new abilities?"
"He recognized some change, as he says a shift in my magic, but I managed to convince him I did not play with the Dark Arts."
Voldemort laughed again. "Of course, you didn't! The pathetic old fool! Was that what he believed?"
"He said as much, my lord, but as I told you, I convinced him against it."
"Show me!" – Voldemort asked, still somewhat amused, and Snape obediently moved the parts of his discussion with Dumbledore after the Order's meeting to the forefront of his mind. He began to feel like an old cinematograph under hours of overuse but tried to hide his annoyance. "A fool indeed." Voldemort shook his head with curious contentment. "Here is your duty, my servant. You are free to go after Black, and I want you to use Lennier's wife to our greatest advantage. Keep boundaries though, I warn you. She is a pureblood, which you'll never be, and her husband will return."
"I understand, my lord."
"Good. I won't deny you your fun. But keep a sane mind and gather everything that the old fool might know about this "shift" in your magic, as he likes to call it. When you are ready, you will deserve to have me teach you."
"You are gracious, my lord. I serve you to deserve such tuition."
"Yes, you will. Now, what else is on your mind? I can sense it… I permit you to ask."
"Who sent the Dementors, my lord? I worked so hard, and now…"
"You've never been one to eat the leek, have you?" – It began to feel disturbing how much he seemed to amuse the Dark Lord lately, but Snape persevered in servility and only waited. "You may know that you picked the wrong fight. Avery did not fail me, much less you. Lucius was here not long before you. He's investigating in the Ministry. He was as baffled about the attack as you are and is pouting that something happened in the Ministry without his knowledge. I would never discourage that. Now he must be running in circles to find the perpetrators. Perhaps you should talk to him."
Snape dipped down on one knee, hanging his head low. "Thank you, my lord."
"You just do what I say…"- Voldemort lightly touched the back of his head – "and don't hope I'll take your side in your dealings with Avery. He will be soon awake boiling with just vengeance, and I would never discourage that, Severus. I was already lenient with you more than enough."
"Yes, my lord, I thank you for your graciousness."
"Yes." – Voldemort hissed, losing patience – "Now rise and off with you! And Severus! Take your trash!"
Snape bowed from the door before he lifted the two bodies with a swing of his wand and moved them to the corridor. He left in haste, not believing he indeed could go, even less his success. He didn't let a thought pop into his mind before he Disapparated from the old village.
Turning up in Hogsmeade, he knew his rigid stance and frozen features would show him different from those around him, so he schooled himself into a loosened form, but he felt different. Different from all those people who shopped or talked or just enjoyed this summer day. Thus, he continued acting as if he was still in the Dark Lord's presence. Never let anyone see him the way he felt… But he needed the long walk up to the castle.
What did he achieve? The Headmaster was right, this work did not belong to the Dark Lord. Neither Lucius nor Avery, presumably not anyone of them or He would know about it by now. Although he couldn't ascertain if Voldemort possessed the boy, he knew the Dark Lord had a plan and he needed the boy relatively intact to carry that out. Severus' bones chilled under the summer sun.
Even on Hogwarts grounds, the tension did not leave him. He looked wistfully toward the bench by the lake, but by bright daylight, it was way too much in evidence. He walked down to his quarters, continuing the façade. The façade of being normal… He felt out of breath. Severus strengthened the locks and wards with needless additions behind him, but nothing carried the longed feel of safety.
It was impossible to feel safe and let go of the tension with seeing those red eyes prying into his mind whenever he closed his eyes or lost focus. And he lost focus, as soon as he leaned on his table for support in his lack of air. Gods, he needed something against the stress before it tore him apart!
Something, but what? What should help to breathe again? Or to reduce this insufferable heat?
His father would have had a drink. He knew this without a shadow of a doubt. The main reason he only rarely indulged and never because of this need was to not to make a precedent. His mother would probably cry herself to fainting and let things work themselves out if she had too much of the world. He never could copy that, throwing awareness consciously away. It must have been a kind of mind-magic Eileen developed to support herself in her need. Now he was swimming in his own sweat and his vision began to blur. What to do, there must be something!
Breaking glasses and furniture would not help either. This time he was not angry; he was hopelessly tense. So tense, even grabbing on the table it seemed harder to breathe by the minute. Merlin knows what Dumbledore would do… breathe… McGonagall would surely call over a friend and talk it all through. Hell, he had no friends! Even his acquaintance hardly understood mind magic!
That disturbing witch came to mind. Did she regret opening up her mind? Did she realize the risk of her actions? Her vulnerability? He felt vulnerable. He felt faint, as the walls and ceiling seemed to move towards him... certainly, this was the warmest day of the year…
If he could just breathe again, surely all turned better… it was only too warm. And people say the dungeons are always cold! People are stupid…
What would that witch do? She was no innocent either, with bunches of Death Eaters as friends, what did she do about them? A collector? How could so much experience with black magic not show it in that beautiful mind of hers!?
Thinking of that mind gave back some memory of peace. That fragranced, humming mind… earth, all kinds of herbs and rain… He could breathe in rain! Hell, he should not look for peace in the memory about someone else's mind; that's pathetic!
However pathetic, it worked. His lungs filled again with air. That fragrance… Severus closed his eyes and recalled the complex memory about entering her mind. Warmth, but not too much, just inviting… alluring warmth. Someone must long for that warmth probably even now, he was sure. It was the kind to defrost a soul… and the colour… like deep pools filled with chocolate milk, he basically swam through those orbs.
The sweet scent of home, not one he knew… some home he could envision with endless fields and gardens somewhere under the rainy sky. A well-kept witch-garden and humming. Severus opened his eyes, his hands finally stopped trembling on the edge of the table.
Now just one last time, to really calm down… chocolate pools… an herbal garden…. he eased back in his armchair with a sigh.