Like any other good story, this story begins with a cow. And some pirates.
Well, they're not pirates in the beginning, but then they TURN into pirates. Sort of like a transformation—no, not like in Sailor Moon.
If you would just avert your eyes to this picture of Tokyo. (Shibbeh pulls out a picture of Tokyo, Japan) This is where the Sohma's live. Isn't it a nice little city? Well, you'd THINK that, wouldn't you?
That's because you're stupid. Very, very stupid.
The Sohma's, being very chic and well… they're… they're.. odd. Anyway—they decide to go somewhere.
I'm not making any sense. So I'll just let them explain their adventures.
Disclaimer: I don't own their asses. I own other people, though.
And just so everyone knows, I'm divorcing San-chan right now, just for the heck of it.
It was a lovely morning in their little house—with it's paper-walls and leaky ceilings. The Sohma residence didn't care much for all these little details—they were going on an ADVENTURE.
Well, actually, they were just going to the park.. but Shigure just got ahead of himself.
"Shigure, you lard! We don't need all this crap!" yelled Kyo Sohma from behind a mini-refrigerator.
"Sure we do, Kyo-kun!" squealed Shigure, from inside of their shiny black car. "We're going to the PARK, remember?"
"The PARK—PARK!" Kyo turned to Hatori. " THE EFFIN PARK! WE'RE GOING TO THE PARK! WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE EXCITING!"
Hatori stared at Kyo. "I know." Was all he could manage before getting attacked by a squealing Ayame.
"HATORI, MY LOVE!" squealed Ayame, throwing his fragile-self onto the doctor. "HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU!"
"Hi, Ayame. Can you get your hands off my buttocks?"
"Oh, silly, silly, Hatori. Don't you remember? This was our favourite past time back in school! 'Touch Hatori's Ass'! "
Everyone had gone silent. Kyo, who had hidden himself behind the refrigerator, was staring at Yuki who looked like he was about to cry.
---Five Minutes Later---
Silence.
Shigure's voice was heard from inside the car. "Is it true, Hatori?"
"Ye-es.. I'M SORRY, SHIGURE!" Hatori had burst into tears.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER LET ME PLAY?"
"Ayame wanted me all to himself!"
"WHY? WHY DIDN'T I EVER BELONG?" Shigure started hiccupping and hid himself behind his latest novel. "Why couldn't I grope Hatori's anus!"
Ayame looked at Shigure. "But—MON CHERI! JE T'AIME!"
"Realllyyyyy?" Shigure gave Ayame the puppy eyes.
"Yesh! Really! We shall play 'Touch Hatori's Ass' when we get to the park, right Hatori?"
Everyone stared at Hatori, who looked like he was in some sort of shock.
"..Yes."
"YAY!"
"LET US TOUCH ASS LIKE WE HAVE NEVER BEFORE!"
Silence.
Haru, who had hidden himself under the car popped up unexpectedly.
"Here, I'll drive, Hatori."
"You don't even know how to drive."
"I'm sure my driving will be better than you driving and being molested on the road."
Hatori sighed and gave Haru the keys. Kyo and Yuki loaded the mini-refrigerator into the trunk and Yuki went inside to alert the girls that they were going to be late if they didn't hurry their petite-asses ((A/N: That's right, you heard me. Petite-asses.))
When everyone had gotten into the car, Haru started up the engine and began the would-be-super-awesome journey.
—An hour later—
Kisa looked out the window quietly. The countryside? 'This isn't how we get to the park!' She leaned over and whispered into Tohru's ear.
"OO GOMEN NASAI, HARU-KUN!" squealed Tohru as Haru drove right through a red light. "It seems as though we are going the wrong way!"
Haru looked at her. "Aren't we going to the airport?"
"THE PARK!" yelled Kyo. THE FREAKING PARK! YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL FREAKING INSANE!"
Silence.
Ayame looked at Shigure. The both began to giggle.
"GODDAMN!" yelled Kyo. "LET ME OUT! I WANT HOME!"
"I WANT CHEESE!"
"I HAVE TO GO THE BATHROOM!"
"Okay, we'll stop for five minutes. Kyo, we'll drop you off at some freaky ghost town, Kisa, you can go take a piss in the bushes. Shigure and Ayame…" Haru paused. "We'll find you a quiet place to fool around in"
"YAY! QUIET PLACE!"
"I LOVE YOU, AYAME!"
"I LOVE YOU TOO, HATORI!"
"That was me—Shigure."
"Oh. Right."
"You two—stop staring like that at me."
"I really have to go—"
Silence.
"I don't have to go anymore."