Nyuurrr.. Insert llama noises here.
It's been waaayy too long, babes.
Well, here is Chap 3.

The Sohma's and Torhu Copyrighted to Natuski Takaya.
Yuuto Urushiyama ((That's a mouthful)) is Copyrighted to Kasane Katsumoto

Enjoy!

"I keep on telling you Aaya," Shire stated, his voice coated with aggravation. "She keeps on telling me that I'm like Sirius Black off of Harry Potter, and Yuuto off of Hands On!"---

"Off!"

"Right, whatever." Shigure waved his hand absentmindedly. "But if she owns me, and her friend owns Sirius and we're the same person, then who truly owns me and or him? And I mean there's Yuuto too! Yuuto is me and I'm Yuuto and Sirius and Sirius is Yuuto and me. It doesn't make sense."

"Totally not making sense to me," muttered Yuki from the backseat. The seating plan had changed a few times over the course of three hours. First, it was Kisa, Tohru, Kyo, Hatori and Yuki, with Haru behind the wheel. Half an hour later, after everyone had gotten tired of his constant whining and screeching about the damn park, Haru had pulled over and tied Kyo to the roof of the car.

It was quite cramped back there, even with Kyo tied out on the car's roof. You could hear him yelling once in a while, his bad-ass demeanor crushed in the first five minutes of what seemed be torture. Conversations would be interrupted half-way to the sound of a hissing noise, followed by loud meowing and Haru purring under his breath. Something about 'his kinky little kitty.' Weird.

"How much longer until we get to our destination, Haru?" Yuki asked, brushing away a piece of Hatori's hair that was stuck to his bottom lip. Being this close to his older cousin was getting tiresome and Yuki's legs were beginning to hurt from being cramped in one position for so long.

"Not long." Replied Haru, scratching the back of his head coolly. "I should re-tie Kyo to the roof; he's been making weird noises for a while now.

Cue for the Cat's hissing.

"MY PANTS ARE FALLING OFF! OH GOD, THE BREEZE! THE UNHEALTHY BREEZE! GET IT AWAY FROM MY CROTCH---NOOO! FRESH AIR IS BAD!"

Silence.

Kyo began whimpering. "I don't wannnnaa looseee my viirgiinniittyy to the trreesss…"

Silence. Shigure and Ayame began snickering. Tohru just looked shocked. She was blushing. Oh, the dirty thoughts. Hatori was being sexy. So sexy. Can you imagine how sexy he was being? Try imagining it. Do it now.

"Annnddd... this is my cue." Haru stepped onto the brakes and the car came to a screeching halt a few inches away from an elderly oak tree.

"EVERYBODEH OUT!" He yelled, kicking open the Driver's door. The rest of the gang was just too shocked to move.

"Driving. So. Bad. Rather be devirginified by the trees…" muttered Kyo... wriggling his fingers, attempting to pull his loose pants back up.

So, okay. Just imagine Haru helping Kyo put his pants… Back... On.

Erm.

During this time, Shigure and Ayame had disappeared, along with Hatori's pants. How they pulled them off of him without him noticing, no one knows. Thus, they are known as the Pant Ninjas amongst their friends. Which is just the two of them.

Tohru and Kisa, who had come back from a bowel-emptying break just as this was happening, got a first-hand glimpse at Hatori's b0x0rz dat r4wk j00r w0rld.

"Oh. Mah. GAWD!" Squealed a red-faced Tohru, covering Kisa's eyes quickly. "AVERT YOUR ATTENTION, KISA! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! HAPPEEEHH THOUGHTS!" And with that, a hyperventilating Tohru Honda dragged a confused and mildly disturbed Kisa Sohma back into the bushes.

Hatori just stared after them.

And stared.

Insert some more staring here.

Shigure and Ayame, who had found some pantyhose and had put them on as masks watched the excitement with interest.

"Oh, Shii-chan, is this not so much fun!"

"Aaya… I have a confession to make." The dog paused and pulled off his panty-hose mask slowly.

Ayame just stared at his partner-in-crime with a confused look on his face before he cracked a smile. "What is it, dawg?"

Shigure stared.

Ayame stared back in confusion. "Waddup, brotha from anotha motha? Whaz inda hizzhouze!" And with that, Ayame began to wave his arms around wildly. "WESSS SIDEEE! REPRESENTIN'!"

Shigure stares some more before he realized what was going on. With a high-pitched 'bark', he jumped down from the tree-branch they had set as their makeshift hide-out and ran towards Hatori, Ayame in hot pursuit.

"HHATTORIII! HHATTOORRIII!" Shigure bumped into the Dragon, who had tied a towel around his waist so that Tohru wouldn't pass out from t3h silky g00dn3ss of t3h b0x0rz. ((Okay, I'm done typing like that now.))

"What!" He exclaimed in an irritated voice, poking the mentally-disturbed Tohru, who just twitched in reply. He had fetched her from the woods, in fear that she and Kisa would be eaten by rabid cockroaches. They are the Devil.

'Haa-san! Ayame got into…," He paused and gave Tohru with a suspicious look before covering her ears. "…he got into the CD closet." Hatori just stared back in awe.

"Say whut?"

"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE INFECTED TOO!" Shigure started whining and threw his fists in the air. "BAHA MEN, WHY MUST YOU DECEIVE ME? WAII?"

Ayame, who had just caught on to what was going on looked at his friend with wide-eyes. "You are a whheerddd motha."

"Word." Hatori nodded in agreement.

"STAND BACK, YEE FOULD SCUM!" Yelled Shigure, waving Hatori's pants above his head. "STAND BACK OR I'LL PEE ON THE DESIGNER PANTS!"

Yuki, who had been taking a nap on the branches of the nearest tree jumped down with elegance. "What the hell are you doing with Hatori's pants, Shigure?" he asked, yawning into his hand. "Give him his pants back."

Shigure's doggy ears drooped as he handed the Dragon's pants back to the owner. "Kai."

"W00t!" Hatori put his pants back on and did a little dance with Ayame while Yuki and Shigure watched them in bafflement. Haru, who had finally re-tied Kyo to the roof of the car climbed down and joined the baffled Rat and Dog.

"Umm… Tohruchan.." murmured Kisa, tugging at the hem of the older girl's shirt. "They're scaring me."

Tohru, who had regained composure just nodded, her eyes still on the dancing duo. "They're men, Kisa. Don't try to understand them." And with that, she pushed the little girl into the car and turned to the boys.

"Ohh, BOOYYSSS!" She giggled happily, waving a handkerchief she had found in her pocket. "I want to get back on the road... but.." she fluttered her eyelashes and pouted. "no one seems to want to get back into the car and sit with me… All alone…" She paused for dramatic effect. "Oh, the things we could do…"

The boys all stared at her. Tohru Honda? Attempting to be sexy? WTFOMGLOLBBQ.

"I'm coming, my darling Tohru!" sang Shigure, opening the back door. "Shall we get going?" He gave her a sly look and she returned it with double the sessyness.

"There is no God…" Haru muttered to Hatori who just nodded and pulled out a smoke from his shirt pocket.

"Might as well get back on the road. Who knows what Shigure can teach her in the backseat while we're out here." He shuddered at the mental images.

So, everyone got into the car, except for Kyo, who was WAAYY too tired from. Erm.

Tanning.

Sorry… I'm really bad at this lying thing.

"Rule Number One:" whispered Tohru into Kisa's ear. "Give men a taste of what they want, and you can be sure that they'll give you what you need to the fullest." She winked at Shigure who had been watching her the whole time.

There is no God, indeed.