Slayer Hunting
Part 3 Of Visionary
by Chaoseternus

Fumes: is still stripping a lot of punctuation from everything I upload and their support addresses are bouncing. Not exactly happy with them right now.
Hate having to readd punctuation manually in the quickedit...

to the reviewers, thank you.
And Apologies for keeping you waiting so long for new chapters.
Also, thank you to Gouldnotme, new beta for this series

Chapter 12: Its Tuesday, got a problem with that?

"“You're so dead.”"

Anubis resisted, with difficulty, the urge to tear the keys head from its shoulders and use it to play pinball. Whoever decided that the most powerful mystical artefact in existence, something with the power to destroy the inter-dimensional barriers if used incorrectly, should be in the form of a Tau'ri, and even worse, a damned annoying Californian, needed their head examined.

Truthfully, Anubis would settle just for sending them to the lowest circle of hell or even worse, making them live the rest of their lives in the same house with the in-laws, just so long as it was horrific torture of some kind.

Or maybe that was the point, assuming whoever would kidnap that thing would lose control and just tear its head straight off, ending the problem quite nicely. Anubis had to admit, it was a very tempting urge, this ‘Dawn' was so annoying even the Supersoldiers were starting to notice and they were brain-dead, purposely so.

“"When my sister gets a hold of you, she is going to exorcise your arse!”"

Anubis snapped, "“I believe you mean ‘Exercise'.”"

His tone was pure unholy menace, it didn't threaten pain, torture and a lifetime trapped with lawyers and door to door salesmen, his tone promised it. It was a tone that would have made The First contemplate retirement.

“"Oh, scary! Congrats, I'd have to give that tone an... 8. Scary, evil but still room for improvement. Oh, and ‘exorcise' is what you do to ghosts and anything that's you know, not solid.”"

Anubis began mentally chanting to himself, “Don't kill the key, need the key to end the Tau'ri, don't kill the key”

Wait, why couldn't he just send the key to the cells, far away where it couldn't annoy him? Oh, yes the damnable Tau'ri. They had this annoying habit of rescuing or destroying anything he put on one side for safekeeping and he wouldn't want the key rescued would he?

“ "There were ten million bottles of beer hanging on the wall..."

Anubis grunted, there was also the little matter of needing to get his own non-corporeal form attuned to the energies of the nearby key too. Another reason to keep the damn thing close, damn it.

“"And if one little bottle should..."

"“My Lord!"” a Jaffa 's desperate voice broke into his thoughts, a somewhat welcome distraction, “"Please grant me a boon!”"

“"Speak!"” he hissed, if that Jaffa so much as hinted at a desire to get away from ‘Dawn', he would have him assigned as her personal bodyguard and servant for the duration of her, ‘ahem', stay.

“"Please my Lord, tell me again why we can't gag her!”"

Anubis resisted the urge to reply that it was a damn good question and did he have a suitable piece of clothe handy. He glanced at Dawn, a look of such sheer annoyance and hate that any sane person would have literally melted at the look.

Dawn just looked amused, and kept singing.

“"Because" Anubis had to answer, not so much for the Jaffa 's benefit as for his own, to remind himself of the reason before he ripped a piece of his own garment off to shove in her mouth, “"There must be no barrier between her head and the world for the twenty-four hours preceding the ritual.”"

“"Oh, so that's why you shaved me… wankers!”"

Anubis grimaced, and turned away from the Jaffa to glare at Dawn once more. The Jaffa looked almost disappointed at not being killed, the usual response to any that disturbed their master.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily for him, Dawn was being so deliberately annoying that Anubis was actually starting to feel sympathy for the Jaffa and Supersoldiers trapped in the room with them, an unheard of event.

“"There would be nine-million, nine-hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight bottles of beer hanging on the wall..."

Click Anubis eyes turned direct from hate to sheer horror as he realized exactly where the key was going with that song. She couldn't, she wouldn't. But the look in Dawn's eyes told him clearly that she would.

Maybe killing her wasn't such a bad idea after all; it wasn't as if he was that desperate to end the Tau'ri was it? Or better, send her back to the Tau'ri, with her amongst them their resolve would crumble in days. Unless of course they were somehow miraculously immune, yes that would figure. If they could put up with her for so long they must be.

Damn it.

“"...Should accidentally fall, there would be..."

“"WILL. YOU. SHUT. UP!”"

“"...Nine-hundred and ninety-nine million..."

Anubis howled with sheer rage and despair.

xxx

“"Colonel, I do believe the temperature in this room has dropped dramatically.”"

“"Okay, anyone else feel like there's a party going on above their grave?”"

O'Neill shot Xander a sympathetic look, his arms crossed as he tried desperately to warm himself, “"Oh yeah!”"

“"Strange..."” Carter desperately tried to still her hand so she could get an accurate reading off the old style thermometer she had managed to grab off one of the tables, no doubt a remnant of one of Janet's many visits to this part of the base, “"The temperature doesn't seem to have dropped at all"

Willow smirked, her hair bleeding back into red, “"Dawnie is at it again"

“"At it again?"” O'Neill asked a slight lift to his eyebrows.

“"Well, you know she was kidnapped a few months ago…"”

“"Ah, no, you didn't mention that..."” Daniel commented, a little wryly.

“"Not important... anyway, the kidnappers sent her back after three days with a letter of sympathy" . ”

SG-1's mind decamped as they considered the idea of somebody so annoying the kidnappers sent them back with a letter of sympathy. It is perhaps a good thing for team unity that O'Neill didn't know that the thoughts of Carter and Daniel had gone straight to him.

The group shuddered once more, simultaneously.

“"Oh yeah,”" Willow smiled, “"Dawn is in fine form"