Bwahahaha! I'm back! (After nearly a month…) Sorry it took me so long to update this thing; I've been bogged down with homework. Reviews! I got reviews for this piece of crap! Yay!

To The Yorkshire Merchant: Omigod! You really need to update! You're worse than I am! Please? Anyway, I'm glad you like it. The 'yo mama' joke was spawned from a weird conversation with my friends about what the Los Illuminados do in their free time… It was… Different… Good news for you – I decided to add the Merchant to this chapter! Squee!

To IceBlade09: And you! You need to update, too! But that is a rant for another time… I'm glad you like it, and I'm even gladder that you can understand it. That's always a good thing! P.S. Yeah, those dogs creep me out to this day; I personally don't like dogs that could kill me in my sleep, but to each his own, right?

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Arriving back at your house, you quickly run into your room, lock the door and pull out your new book. Excited to see what the next chapter holds, you immediately flip through the introduction and open to 'Chapter One'. When you saw the page it was on, you nearly drop the book; It was splattered with blood. Even though you wouldn't readily admit it, you were terrified by blood. Taking a slightly closer look at the page you notice a few long silvery strands of hair, streaked red with blood near the root. 'My God! What happened?' Your question gets answered when you see a two-letter word in Salazar's familiar handwriting…

Chapter One: Play Nice with the Other Kids

Ow.

Jesus Christ! What the hell happened to you?

Those God-damned Colmillos happened to me! And please, Bitores don't get all 'mother hen' on me, m'kay?

I know this isn't the best time to say I told you so but…

I see a light… It's a very bright light… I think I'll go towards it…

No Ramon! Don't go towards the light! Go away from the light! AWAY!

Chill the fuck out. I'm joking. Damn it! You are weird… Wait – are you crying?

You take notice to some wrinkles in the page. 'Looks like some bit of water dried here… Was Mendez crying?'

N-no. I'm not crying! There's just… Something in my eye.

God. Of every henchman I could have chosen, I got the gayest pair on the block…

What did you just say! Ow… My head is killing me…

Well, yeah it IS bleeding. Speaking of your head… What ever happened to your hat?

What do you mean, what happened to it? It's right on top of my head, isn't it? Son of a bitch! Those jack-offs must of taken it! I'm going in!

What? No! I refuse to let you risk your life for a dumb hat!

Go to hell!

While we're on the subject of lost articles of clothing… Ramon, what in the hell happened to your shirt?

That I actually noticed I lost! I needed to create a distraction while I gathered the two halves of the Moon Stone, so I tossed my shirt behind me and prayed to God that it would land on one of the Colmillos' heads…

Did it work?

I have no idea.

Good job.

It seemed like a good idea at the time…

It also seems as if you're going to die in three seconds from lack of blood. Can we get him to a hospital, please?

No! NO! I hate hospitals! I won't even go say 'hi' to Louis any more because that lab reminds me WAY too much of a hospital… The shots, the waiting, the doctors… Who needs it?

Well, for one, you do. By the look of that gash, it looks very possible that it could be a little too close to an artery for my tastes…

Don't be such a baby… I'll live! I've been through worse injuries than this!

You have?

Yeah, like that one time Krauser punched me in the ribs.

But nothing was broken…

I still say you and all those X-rays are wrong about that!

X-rays CAN'T be wrong… sigh There's no use in arguing with you.

Because I'm so stubborn?

No. Because your pale, bloodstained chest turns me on. Can we just do something about this?

What?

What 'what'?

'What the fuck?' what!

I was being sarcastic, asshole.

Okay, then… We don't speak of this again, got it?

Oh, I beg to differ… plays tape recorder

SON OF A BITCH!

I'll never find a woman if this gets out. Don't you dare, Saddler!

Don't worry; I'm not just saving this for a rainy day – I'll use it as… insurance. I know for a fact that neither one of you want to be thought of as queers, so if you ever think of betraying me, this'll stop you.

'Ello there strangers! Got somethin' that might interest ya, hehehe!

Who the hell are you and how the hell did you get in my house?

I'm just a simple merchant who's lived 'ere for months. And ya might want ta try and use normal locks stranger. I've got some on sale if ya want.

No it's okay… Damn it! I thought that the moat and drawbridge and all those dumb puzzles were supposed to stop people…

What else have you got? Anything that could help us?

I've got First Aid Spray, if tha's wot you're lookin' for. It'll heal any cuts you might have and from what I hear, it makes a bloody nice bug spray…

How much?

10,000 pesatas.

You're kidding right? There is no way in hell I'm paying that much!

You're dying, you little asshole! And I'll pay for it, if it makes you feel better!

No… I'll pay… Here you go, you British bastard.

Hehehe. Thank ye, stranger.

That's highway robbery, just so you know…

I know. And may I jus' say tha' for someone who is three feet tall, you look quite good.

Thank you; I work out. Wait! You're trying to distract me, aren't you? I swear if this crap doesn't work, I'm kicking you the hell off of my property faster than the Hatfields did to the McCoys!

I'll try and keep tha' in mind…

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Well, here it is, chapter two! Ie, ie! Anyway, chapter three'll be posted soon, with any luck. Till next time!

Snow Puff