Alright, HomicidalManiac made me promise that I wouldn't force you guys to wait another month for an update. In short, HERE'S CHAPTER FOUR! Back in the good ol' book format!

You open up the leather-bound book again, waiting to see what secrets you would find out about the three leaders of the Los Illuminados. Since the last time you read your newest novel, you did some research about the trio of authors. Some parts of their history is blank, and now you silently wish to find out the rest of their lives from this book…

I couldn't sleep last night; you "lovebirds" were making a little too much noise.

You look at the page, your eyes wide. 'Did I… Miss something?' you think.

Blush We… Um… Bitores, you handle this one.

You're hopeless, you know that right? Sigh... It wasn't us; it was Luis. Okay, Saddler?

I wasn't born yesterday, Mendez. I was born 34 years ago yesterday, thank you.

Riiight… "34" Wink.

Anyway… I know for a fact it was you two; Luis was with me last night.

Saddler! Stop spreading BS stories! - Luis

Get over yourself Luis; you know you want some of this.

I pick the worst times to read over your shoulders… - Krauser

Krauser. Luis. Go… Get me some lunch. Or something…

Fine. - Luis

Go to hell. - Krauser

Well… That's one way to get rid of people… But that actually was Luis last night.

Yeah, right. Do you have any proof?

Yes. We were over at my house rather than the castle. We know you bastards well enough to know that if you heard one little moan you'd be all over us like a fat kid on cake.

Fine. You win. For now…

So um… Lovely weather we're having, eh?

Aww… Little Ramon's embarrassed because he's gay…

I am not gay, thank you very much!

Then what are you?

I'm uh… Mendez-sexual?

I like that.

You would.

We need to make a support group for others like this.

eye-roll

So, Mendez… Did you ever tell Stella?

Yes I did.

How did she take it?

It went like this… I said 'Stella, honey. There's something important I need to tell you… You see me and Ramon –'

Then she said 'Oh, no, baby! I had a feeling you and Lord Salazar were meant for eachother and you'd find that out sooner or later; that's why I married you.'

Then I was like 'Wait, what do you mean?'

Then she dropped the bomb: 'You see… Ella and I aren't really sisters…'

Then Ella came in and started making out with Stella. And in that one single… three hours… I remembered why I loved women in the first place… Threesomes!

Hm… I really know how to pick 'em…

Don't worry, Ramon; I didn't do anything – no matter how much I might have wanted to. And, yes, I do know that I am sleeping on the sofa tonight.

Why did Stella and Ella call themselves the 'Bella Sisters', anyway?

Probably because the 'Bella Lesbian Lovers' wasn't as catchy.

You're one to be making fun of lesbians, you fag.

We went over this, Saddler; I'm Mendez-sexual… Where's my march?

Up your face.

What the hell does that mean? - Krauser

Krauser, look! A giant beer!

Where? - Krauser

You have to go and catch it!

Get back here you bastard! - Krauser

Oh, my God.

Yes?

Oh, ha ha. You're so funny and so original. Anyway, I honestly never thought anyone would be that stupid to start chasing a giant beer.

Well, Krauser's American. And thus, stupid.

(Author's Note: I do not think all American's are stupid. I think a great majority of us are, though. Especially our President. Thank you.)

Hm. That makes sense.

I can't wait for New Year's Eve.

I can't either. It's the one day a year I can get drunk and no one'll judge me!

Ah, yes and after that, it's National Hangover Day.

What are you smoking? And why aren't you sharing it?

That's the name I gave to New Year's Day. I re-named New Year's Eve, too.

What'd you re-name it?

National Booze-Sex-Pot-Fireworks-and-Women Day.

I think it's a little long…

Nonsense! And I am not smoking anything, Salazar.

Then why does your credit card say 5,432,859 pesatas for "snacks"?

… I get hungry, damn it!

Okay then. If we need to have this discussion again, you're going to rehab.

Bite me you little prick. And do something with your hair.

What do you mean? I love my hair. My hair's my bitch… Aside from Bitores, anyway.

Oh, yeah right, you little bitch! You're half his size. And the biggest pussy I know.

What are we talking about?

You gave up chasing the giant beer?

It's foiled me again!

Oh, wait! There it goes!

Get your beery ass back here!

What a retard.

Why don't you two go out and enjoy this lovely snow, I have something I need to do.

Sounds fun.

See you later, Saddler.

Soon those two foolish lovebirds will know my true power. My beloved pawns won't even know what has gotten into them. Except Luis, perhaps. He knows far too much. But Krauser and Mendez and Salazar will soon become my puppets. They won't think their own thoughts, act their own actions, or speak with their own voices. Their minds will become mine soon enough. And I'll take care of Luis in my own sweet time. Who would he be able to run to? Their Plagas will become powerful, it's true… But they won't be much more than those simple ganados…

You read the last passage over and over, trying to find out that Saddler was just joking. That it was some kind of strange inside joke the trio had. Saddler was just trying to scare them. He was just joking… But no matter how many times you tell yourself that, you slowly realize that Saddler meant every single word of it.

Saddler's starting to show his true colors and his true plans… Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuuuun! Alright, I hope you all have a happy New Year!

Snow Puff.