Story Notes: Just a little thing. Two men (well, a man and a vampire), some popcorn (well, there was some before Spike ate it all), and a scary movie (well, a movie that tried to be scary anyway).
A/N: Got the idea late this afternoon after watching all the Halloween movies on today so this is kind of rough but it is Halloween and the premise, at least, fits in nicely. Disclaimer: Not mine. Never gonna be mine. Not making a profit here either.
The smell of buttered popcorn filled the room. A television set sent a wash of blue light over the faces of the two men sitting on opposite sides of the couch. A large yellow bowl sat firmly in between them. There was a slight clink of metal on metal and a handful of popcorn bounced off the screen leaving slimy spots of butter behind.
"Hey, watch it, ungrateful dead. You know you will be cleaning that up," said the dark-haired man on the left.
"This is the stupidest thing I have ever seen," came the rejoinder from the blonde-haired man on the right.
"No one is forcing you to watch." A hand scrabbled around in the bowl before coming up empty. "Or eat all the popcorn."
"Oh, I'll just pop out for a pack of fags then. Be a good little lackey and fetch the key, hmmm?"
"Right. I'll just let you loose on the unsuspecting population and then explain to Buffy how you were 'just going out for cigarettes' when she wants to know why all of downtown is on fire," was the sarcastic reply.
The room suddenly echoed with the screams of a man in fear for his life.
"Oh, come on. This isn't even very realistic. Arterial spray comes out in spurts, you tossers. And it arcs up much higher than that."
"And you will never tell me how you know that," came a slightly nauseous voice.
"You sure? It's a really funny story."
"Hush, the good part is coming up." There was a creak of springs and a brush of fabric as the man on the left leaned forward.
"Harris," the other man chuckled, "you little pervert. Why is it, there is always a woman in her underwear being chased through the woods by the killer? In over a hundred years I've never had that happen. Well…there was this one time that me and Dru-"
"God, I don't want to know about your weird vampire sex games. Just shut up and watch the movie."
"Fine. Five'll get you ten she trips and twists her ankle on a rock or some equally stupid thing." An amused huff accompanied the sound of a woman's terrified pleading. "Yeah, there she goes."
"But she looks really good doing it." A brief shocked pause. "At least, she used to."
"Don't know why you even bother to watch these things. Don't you have enough of monsters and creeping wigglies every sodding night? Got your very own creep show right out your front door."
"Yeah, but that stuff's not that scary anymore. Well, it is but not the stay-awake-all-night-with-the-lights-on scary. The really scary things aren't the ones you can see coming. Demons are easy. Something seven feet tall with claws and sharp pointy teeth you can definitely see coming."
"Demons are easy?" Disbelieving snort. "Whelp, I could make you wet yourself with a growl and a look and you say demons are easy?"
"Yeah, but that's a scared in the way that I know you're evil and want to kill me kind of thing. People are the really scary ones. They look just like every other person on the street, they're kind to old ladies and small animals, they always recycle, and all the neighbors say they're such nice, quiet people; and then you find out there are twenty-three bodies buried under the rose garden and their basement has been converted into a torture chamber. You can't just look at people and see the darkness inside. That's why all the classic horror movies have a human killer. It's a whole world of scarier than a bunch of puppets, an alien, or a big hairy demon." The man continued in a much softer voice. "With people, you hardly ever see it coming."
Happy Halloween!