A/N: I do not own FMA, though I do semi-own the partially-created charcters named Meg, Amie, Beth and Joceline.
"And there's no time left for losing, When you stand before me, Coming down the world turned over, And angels fall without you there, And I go on as you get colder, All because I, Coming down the years turned over, And angels fall without you there, And I go on I'll lead you home, All because I, All because I, I'll become, What you became to me" – The Goo Goo Dolls, "Black Balloon"
I couldn't believe what I'd agreed to do. The thought sickened me, but what hurt me more was the idea of losing my brother...my brother, the only family I had left. I couldn't live without him. I couldn't! The very idea ached physically, right in my chest. And so I agreed...then and now, I know I had no real choice, no matter how much I regret what I did.
Edward Elric walked toward the Eastern City Military Headquarters. Every ambling step reminded him of the handgun concealed underneath his coat, in the waistband of his pants. But every beat of his heart–and they were many and fast–reminded him of his brother, waiting for him to come back. His brother's life rested on his shoulders...and Edward did not intend to let him down. The closer he got to the military headquarters, the sicker he felt. Breakfast did not sit well on guilt and apprehension, but his brother... So Edward Elric pasted on his crooked smile, said his hello's and greetings, and walked into the building cheerfully–an assassin on his way to his first kill.
He found the First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye at her desk, calmly looking over documents she deemed not necessary for her commanding officer's attention. She smiled up at him; she usually had a smile for him. Edward did his best to smile back naturally, though he wanted desperately to tell her what he was going to do, what he was forced to do.
"You're here early, Edward-kun," she commented, putting her blonde head to one side.
"Ah...yeah. I remembered something I needed to tell the Colonel. It's really important, too. I can't believe I forgot it...stupid idiot drove it out of my head with his uppity ways," Edward grumbled, looking like his usual thundercloud mood as whenever he mentioned the Colonel.
"Did you? I believe the Colonel is in his office. He was speaking to Havoc."
"Thanks, First Lieutenant." Edward tossed her a lazy salute, though she ranked below him, and headed to Colonel Roi Mustang's office. He met Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc in the hall, grumbling and looking highly upset. The Colonel had that effect on many people, it seemed. Edward waved to him, and hesitated at the office door. He took a deep breath, to steady his nerves, clenched his trembling flesh hand into a fist, and walked in. He kicked the door shut behind him, per usual–the arguments tended to get loud in here, and everyone knew it.
"Fullmetal? What are you doing here so early?" Colonel Roi Mustang asked, his dark eyes inquisitive.
"I forgot to tell you something yesterday," Edward growled, hoping he put enough of the usual aggression in his tone. "About what I'm looking for."
"Well, then," Roi muttered, grinning his sly little grin. "Let me get down your files." He turned his back on Edward.
With a hand that hesitated only for a fraction of a second, Edward reached beneath his coat, and drew out the gun. He shifted his stance, took aim...and almost choked there. He couldn't pull the trigger, he couldn't...but he recalled Alphonse, and set his finger to the trigger again. He'd almost waited too long. Roi had half-turned. As though in slow motion, Edward saw the man's eyes widen, his mouth open, and one hand start to slide for his pocket. It was too late, Edward thought, as he pulled the trigger.
The silenced gunshot made only a muffled "pop," but in Edward's ears it rang loud as a clap of thunder. He stood, shaking, for a moment, unsure if his legs were going to give out or if he was going to vomit. He could almost still see Roi standing there, eyes wide in shock and sudden fright...the smell of blood was becoming thick in the air, and little rivulets ran down the shelf of files. It had been a head-shot, clean as you please, through the left eye like one shot squirrels. Edward had been good at squirrel-hunting. He gagged at the thought, almost incongruous with what he'd done.
The office door began to open, and the noise stirred Edward from stupor into panic. He whirled, bringing his gun to bear, and stared down the sights into First Lieutenant Hawkeye's startled face. He hesitated, until he saw her reaching out–for the door or her own gun, he did not know–and shot, three times, not bothering to aim. He whirled again and lunged for the window, diving through in a shower of glass. He had just enough presence of mind left to roll when he landed–the window was rather high one. The landing jarred through him despite his roll. He was sure to be bruised. He didn't stop to think. He dashed for the compound's walls, and vaulted over them. He kept running, down several streets and two back alleyways, before he stopped, leaning up against a wall.
His legs gave out then, and he knelt abruptly, bruising his flesh knee and scraping the automail on the cobblestones. A few seconds later, his stomach rebelled, and he deposited his earlier breakfast onto the street before him. He kept heaving, until there was nothing left in his stomach, and sat there, shivering in the long, convulsive shudders of panic.
"Edward!" Booted feet, a mirror image of his, clomped up to him from the alley's entrance. "You didn't run far enough, sir, but that's all right. The gun, and your coat and watch, sir." Blonde Beth pulled him up by his flesh arm, and wrenched the gun from his right. Numbly, he dug out his pocket watch, and handed it over, as well as his red coat. She shrugged it on, tucked the watch in her own pocket, and shoved him towards the end of the alley. "The truck's waiting for you, Edward, sir! Get on!"
Edward scrambled aboard, in the passenger seat of the delivery truck. Beth grinned wickedly at him–his own scimitar smile thrown at him by a mirror image of himself. The truck driver started his vehicle up, and drove away. That wicked smile, below those light blue eyes, was the last Edward saw of her as the truck rumbled down the street. Edward slumped in his seat, with a gloved hand over his mouth, and stared at the passing city with unseeing eyes. He had just shot his commanding officer. He had killed the Colonel. He had murdered Roi Mustang. The thoughts wrenched a choked noise from him, not quite a sob, not quite a moan.
The truck jolted to a halt in the outskirts of the city. The driver, paid only to ferry two children around the town, ordered his passenger out, and headed on his way. Edward found himself standing on the road leading to the wastelands of the eastern deserts. Then he realized that Alphonse was standing there, the suit of armor whole, and looking at him with grave concern.
"Edward? Are you all right? What happened?" Alphonse took several steps forward, and gently set his hands on Edward's shoulders. "Brother? Are you...why are you crying?"
Edward shook his head, wordless, and reached out to hug the armor that housed his brother's soul. He stood there a long moment, took a deep breath, and stepped back. "Well, Al, I guess we better start walking," he told his brother in a voice that, if not completely steady, was determined. He had his younger brother, and that would have to be enough. "We're finding the Philosopher's Stone on our own, now."
I am a murderer. I shot the Colonel Roi Mustang. And I did it for my brother's life. Perhaps it was wrong to agree to such terms. I cannot say. But...I also cannot say I would do it any differently, even knowing how it would turn out to be. I never knew what happened to the rest of them...Joceline, with her sad and beautiful smile, Amie the severe, and Beth, the bastard child of Roi Mustang. I do know what happened to the white cat, Meg. Joceline gave her to Alphonse. Strangely enough, we've kept the cat...
Finis
Inez: (Cackles) Eez done! The end!
Edward: ...
Roi: You KILLED me! With HIM! What an insult!
Edward: What, you think I couldn't do it? Jerk!
Inez: Well, while they fight, feel free to read, review, or flame! TTFN!