Hi,

Happy summer for you All! I'm trying to upload amongst the challenges of making the holiday nice for two small kids, thank you for your patience!

HP still belongs to Rowling, I'm still grateful to play.

If you wrote a review about this chapter I would very much appriciate it, I tried something here which I haven't ever tried before and so it would be nice to have feedback.

But most importantly, Enjoy,

Chapter 46. Future in the past

The series of Side-along Apparitions were a blur. Severus had only a hazy hunch about his surroundings. A valley, where he could hear the noises from a Muggle road nearby – a tree on a cliff and the smell of the sea – the back of an old house, built of stones, and rickety – a marketplace from behind and unfamiliar discussions – a hillside with the view on a row of small houses – and finally an orchard he knew from what seemed like a lifetime ago….

Sage leaned onto his shoulder tired by the effort, and Severus finally looked around. He knew where he was even if the trees were less well-kept than he remembered, even if the bench behind his legs had its paint flaking. He tried to look behind the trees, but this time Sage didn't wait for anyone to come and greet them. Instead, she apologized.

"You've seen it in its full glory, but I was a negligent mistress… There's no way I would hand these gardens over, I just had no time…."

They walked through the orchard and Severus saw the endless rows of herbs, now choked with weeds and unkempt. Héloïse's summer home was distended with the roof coming down above the portico, a chimney leaning sideways, and some windows were broken. It seemed as he imagined Sage's mental landscape must have changed with the war – they belonged together, she and these gardens, and now she was tired and sick, had lost her wand and was almost defeated. Just like the plants, very nearly dried out without someone to care for and protect them.

Severus grumbled 'bloody hell' and followed Sage's faltering steps toward the house. It wasn't hard to reach her side or to see the reflection of the sadness he saw around him in her eyes. He lifted his wand and cast Reparo on the windows to cheer her up. When it worked to a measure, he went on and fired off a row of charms he'd learned working on the house at Spinner's End, reinstalling the beams and girders, and propping the roof back up to its rightful place. She finally smiled.

"Thank you."

"You shouldn't need me to do that," – Severus deemed. He wanted to ask her about those four house elves, but she teetered again, and he hurried to catch her in his arms. "You need to rest."

They walked up to the porch. She wandlessly dismissed the protection charms, but wasn't inclined to walk into the house. So Severus cleaned off some of the armchairs and the benches with a quick Scourgify. The view of the garden was still majestic even while giving the vibe of decay.

"I will not help Lucius if he's responsible for all that," – Severus suddenly blurted. Sage was almost amused.

"He's greedy for sure but not a think tank compared to the Roux. Jamie wanted all of it. It was worth it for him to promise alliance even to your Dark Lord and pay off foreign hands. His executors were Nott and Lefevre. Your friend got shamelessly dished."

Severus' eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Aren't you only telling me that so you can get me to save him? To make me accept Narcissa's offer and force me to make peace with her sister?"

Sage laughed. "You have a very high opinion about my meddlesome nature if you think I would force you into something like that!" She calmed and turned serious again. "No. I believe she was right about the trouble, but I doubt anyone can stop her mad sister from coming after you. Do you have plans to deal with her?"

Severus hated to think about reality. He would rather watch the bugs and birds hunting above the dried-out flowerbeds. It would be tremendous work to restore all this to its previous glory, but he wished he could begin it already. Would she let him?

"Are your plans truly involving me?" - Sage prompted him back from his musings.

"Why would you question that?"

Sage looked embarrassed which Severus had rarely seen before, and that finally grabbed all his attention.

She said, "I've been thinking… You know, you're not the only one with hopes and dreams… and plans revolving around - us?" – It sounded as if she asked permission to use the pronoun although there was nothing that could have made Severus happier.

"Us," – he nodded encouragingly.

"Us," – she repeated with a smile, but it fainted too soon. "Perhaps you should give me rights to map those plans out in detail… especially–," – she hesitated to peek at his astonished face. Then she must have decided to just jump into whatever void she felt between them – "I would never think to go around this like that, but especially with your Ministry's jerks and other enemies waiting for you behind the corner... I want you to know that you don't need to face them alone. I'd like to believe… to have you believe that you're not alone anymore at all! Hell, I don't want to feel any more alone!"

It took some moments but eventually, Severus' jaw dropped spectacularly. To give right to –

"Witch, I will not hide behind your skirt making you a pariah while I fight my way out of this. You give too much credit to Cissy and her plotting, and I never feared her sister. It's–"

"It's what? Am I being ridiculous to want to have a right to stand by your side? To not hide when someone comes over as she did? To plan with a clear conscience and without fear?"

In a moment of clarity, Severus understood that his life depended more on his answer to her than to the Wizengamot or to any of his former peers. His intentions were pure, she should never doubt that. But.

"Sage, I want to marry you but not until I clear the way to make you worth it." It felt peculiar. It felt as if he heard rather than said the words. "You have to understand that–"

"I do!" – She quickly interjected. "I can prove to you I do, I even respect that! I'm just unsure if you know what you condemn me with being so wonderfully just and right, and fucking noble!"

He could only stare in his confusion. He did write her a letter, and it must have betrayed his deepest thoughts, even perhaps his dreams, but he had no idea how they got here aside from that… Damn Narcissa! This should have been easy and joyful! Hell, this was supposed to be his happiest day to date – with snacks and sex, and talking nonsense which no one cared to say or hear any other time… at least nobody else. It shouldn't be taken away by the crimes of the past! He'd thought for a moment he'd already won….

Then his whiny inner voice paused to give place to the adult he had more-or-less grown into being amidst the storm. Lately, he didn't feel Lily's gaze on the top of his head. He hadn't even thought about her since her shadow form dissolved in the battle and her son proved himself almost a sensible man for a second. He wasn't only free of his master, he was free to choose – but perhaps it had happened too late. Neither his name nor his soul would ever be the same after the insanity of his youth, two consecutive wars, betrayal on both sides, and the various stains of filth he'd gathered along the way.

But Sage didn't mean those when she said he would condemn her… Severus raised an inquisitive eyebrow and made her elaborate:

"We both have enemies," – she told him. "Now, we could leave you to yours and me to mine, but I had the impression this wasn't what either of us wanted, do we? Which means… you would go back and fight your way through the hearings, possibly a trial, and had me lurking in the shadows behind you because your honourable reasons and pride would prevent me from stepping up by your side. You wouldn't give me right to do so to protect me, do you? So what remains?

"You wouldn't let me leave to fight for what is mine, alone, and I wouldn't want to leave you. I would stay there, hidden like in the morning, offering support like a dark secret, cheering for you if you won but having no way to get near you in case you lost! I would do that. Even by the price of letting my enemies win time. But how much time, Severus? Months? Years? Would you–"

"Stop it!" – Severus cried out. "I will not have you 'lurking'" – he emphasized the abhorrent word. "And I don't want you to sacrifice anything, I–"

"Fine! So should we just deny what we both want, take a deep breath and go our separate ways? I know I will think about your struggles back on your islands even while I finish here my–"

"Sage!"

The warning just bounced off of her, and it carried little joy to know her frustration could only match his own when she asked back:

"Why? We could agree to meet on the other side…. of course only if you believe we would still find a reason to do so. You–"

"No!" – Severus cut in again, and he couldn't feel bad about it anymore.

"But that's what you su–"

"I said no!" – Severus roared and sprang from his seat to begin his calming walk at the length of the portico before he strangled her. To hell with Cissy Malfoy, she will pay for her meddling! "This is not what I want," – he rasped out after a turn, facing the witch.

"Would you rather have me hide in your shadow?"

"Blast, of course, I don't!" – The baluster bore the brunt of his frustrated ire, receiving a violent punch. "You tend to risk too much and no one has your back here," – Severus tried to reason. "If–"

"I risk nothing more than what you had risked every day since I know you."

"Witch, you risked your life!"

For some reason, it enraged her. "And what does it matter? You've never given shite about yours!"

Severus froze under the verbal punch. It suddenly felt hopeless. He stared out at the decaying garden and wished just for a single soul to turn to. Someone wiser…. But he was done trusting everyone he knew, and he had given up on his parents at a way-too-tender age. Lily came then, but now she was gone in every possible way. Then came Lucius, offering help and support – a fat lot of good that turned out to be!

Shite. Sage was the one he wanted to rely on in these past few months, more as the more he knew her. He'd almost believed there was even a way! Now she only proved that she cared – in the most inconvenient, irritating way she could possibly choose. OF COURSE! Because she wouldn't be her if she wasn't the most bothering, maddening example of a self-assured and overwhelming–

Sweet Merlin!

He'd never had a taste for women he could comfortably curb. Severus came to realize it must have been because he didn't want to control them. He wished for someone he could look up to, someone to learn from… he'd always wanted acceptance through challenges because that was what made him feel worthy. He wanted to fight for her good opinion! He wanted – her.

And just like that, the problem became astonishingly simple.

Hang the Wizengamot. He hadn't fought his way through all the insanity just to let the elusive chance for happiness slip between his fingers! His intentions were pure anyway, even if he tempered his wishes with what he thought to be realistic. Let her decide then what was realistic! At least she would stay.

Severus stepped closer to the witch and took her hands in his, planting a placating kiss on each of them.

"Would you take me back to your grandmother?"

Sage's brows ran together with suspicion he found amusing. "Do you think she would side with you against me?"

"Witch, I'm not against you," – he reminded her.

"You shouldn't talk to her about the future."

"I think I know what she would answer if she heard you now."

Finally, she smiled. "Pish-posh."

Severus held tight to her hands when Sage cast the spell to arrive back into the orchard, this time without mishaps. Héloïse hurried to meet them but her alarm subsided when she looked into their eyes and a welcoming smile reordered her features.

"I did not expect to see you again, but it is a pleasure," – she stepped first to Severus, holding out her hand. He leaned above it politely, then Héloïse turned to Sage.

"Are you ready for dinner?" She kissed her cheeks in greeting. "You couldn't have better timing. Your aunt left an hour ago."

They let her lead them through the fruit trees, enjoying the scented air even from afar before the path turned and the garden stretched out in front of them in all its splendour.

Severus halted and so did Sage. She reached for his hand, and he pulled her closer to admire what was almost already lost, just because they could. It was a peculiar kind of sadness, wistful and nostalgic at the same time, and Severus found he was also hopeful. A strange notion that he rarely let himself entertain.

"I do have plans," – he silently told her then. And when Sage turned into his shoulder, nodding with trust, his heart swollen to the size of the lanes around. He would restore all that. It'd never been a question. And she would let him indeed, now he knew.

On the portico Héloïse offered her usual scented lemonade, and let them watch the sunset in peace, giving one more reason for Severus to admire her tact. However, even the old witch's patience wasn't endless, and when the elves made the dinner table she finally had to ask:

"I believe I have waited long enough. Which one of you would like to fill me in?"

Sage chuckled, and let Severus break their silence. It was harder than he had thought to begin, and it took some deep breaths but finally, he spoke: "First, Madame, you should know that the war is over."

"Severus," – Sage warned but neither could give her mind.

Severus let Héloïse search his eyes for a long time and did his best not to Occlude even if it wasn't in his nature. Héloïse kept to her house's rules and didn't try to pry.

"Let him, dear," – the old witch then waved a hand. "He knows what he's up to. Why should I be aware?" – she turned back to him.

"Because–" – he believed he was to do the right thing, it was only way harder than he expected to step through his usual reserve. "Because I happened to have fallen in love with your granddaughter. And I need your advice."

Héloïse shot Sage a significant glance. "I told you, child."

"Yes, I remember," – she grinned outrageously, and Severus found he couldn't mind. Although he very much disliked her lips turning down when she added: "It's still not that simple, Grand-mère."

"Oh, dear, it never is," – Héloïse sighed. "I expect this is the part you're hoping to solve with advice," – she looked back up at Severus. "Although both of you should know, that I don't see with your eyes."

Severus decided to cut this as short as it could possibly happen. "Madame, I have enemies remaining. I face trials. I have neither money nor station, and I will soon resign from my job. I have no family or connections, not even detailed plans to get by–"

Before he could have proceeded, Héloïse's Legilimency shot through his eyes with unexpected force and swiftness. It took the practice of decades to stop her advancement before she saw much more than holding hands with her granddaughter and some heated snogging, one of those in her own house, but Severus pushed her out of his mind with the force of reflex.

"I beg your pardon," – Héloïse said lightly with a smile as if she just stepped on his foot in a crowd. "I'm not interested in the tidbits, Severus, you know me better. Now do you still want to wear your mother's dress?" – She abruptly turned to Sage.

"Grand-mère, we are not to get married," – she cried out, utterly embarrassed.

Héloïse looked confused and raised a questioning eyebrow at Severus while she answered the younger witch: "Are you sure, dear? Because I sensed nothing he wanted more than that."

Sage began an explanation about their recent argument, but her grandmother had not the patience to listen through the tenth word.

"Surely, having duties are a natural occurrence in life. Will that stop you? Whatever did you expect in a marriage? It's an endless row of duty, I tell you, child. It is not a coincidence that your grandfather lives on the other side of the world, whatever people keep blabbering about. Duties can be shared or divided. It worked for us to separate. However, I doubt your beau could maintain a sane mind if you choose to repeat my mistakes. I never encouraged you to copy my faults, Sage. There's plenty of room in life to make your own."

"But…," – Sage looked first at her, then at Severus with disbelief. "But it is him, who doesn't want it, Grand-mère– He believes–"

Now Héloïse seemed to lose her patience the same way as her grandchild did. Severus watched her standing up to leave.

"Whatever he made you believe, that's exactly what he wants. Now, do me a favour, Severus, and get to that first duty of yours!" – she said before she left them, and the waiting dinner, to retreat to the house.

He tried to be amused, however, he had no idea which way to proceed from here. Sage stared at him with astonishment, and the house elves bowed and also left the porch. In his confusion he observed there seemed to have been five of them. Probably the first time he had ever seen an infant of the species.

"What on earth have you just shown her?!" – Sage finally couldn't wait longer and prompted him to talk.

"Nothing," – he honestly told her. "She came without an invitation."

"Impossible! Grand-mère would never do that, she–"

"Now she did," – Severus stated, leaving no place for doubt. "And she was right about all that she said."

"What?"

He rubbed his face feeling uncomfortable under her sudden confusion but there was no way back and he wouldn't even want one if he got to choose.

"You were right, Sage, I wanted to protect you. I will always want to do that, that's all I learned to do. But you hate it."

"I do," – she silently admitted.

"We should work on that, witch, because it's doubtful this will ever change. What is similarly unlikely to change is my wish to be with you. And what is beyond a chance of changing, is my love for you. But I accept your preference, and I offer you to not protect you now. At least not from my fate…" – The excitement he felt, the thrill and fear of jumping made him swallow before he could finish – "that is if you want me."

Sage stared at him for long breathless moments with her mouth agape. "Have you just proposed to me by offering not to protect me?"

The way she phrased it sounded utterly ridiculous and Severus bit his lips feeling those thirty years flying out the window and standing again in the bushes hiding while wearing his mother's blouse.

"In… essentials…" – he eventually risked admitting.

Sage's smile came on slowly but steadily. First, he could see she tried to hide it, licking her lips, but nothing helped, and soon her face brightened into a full toothy grin, which leaned closer and closer until their lips touched.

"Your twisted dark mind is such a place, my black knight," – she told him between smiles and kisses. Then she ruled in her amusement and looked somberly into his eyes. "You know what I want. I always stood beside you, ever since I've known you. Let's have them see it!"

Her last sentence felt like the low thrum of war drums and Severus drank in the glint in her eyes. She was ready to fight their way through whatever they had to. She didn't choose him for his worth. She didn't choose him in good times. She wasn't preparing for everlasting lazy happiness under her dear Alsace sun. No. She just chose him, and she was ready to fight.

That glint in her eyes and the war drums boiled Severus' blood into a fever which couldn't be cooled with less than having her. The impulse was too strong to deny it, and he found himself on his knees before her armchair, grabbing for her hips and waist and gulping her kisses with open mouth and yet unknown thirst.

Astonishingly, he wasn't the only one feeling that way. Sage's clever fingers already played under his robe, pulling him closer by caressing his back, her legs divided – all he could do was to grab under her skirt, pulling it higher, when an unexpected flicker of sanity passed through his mind.

"Back, witch, we need to get back."

With great effort Sage tore her lips away from his, biting into him with fervour and lust. She halted for a second.

"Tempus," – she panted, but she had to repeat the spell when her focus slipped with Severus' fingers touching her inside.

"Hurry," – he urged her, and as soon as she knew the time, she reversed her spell, taking them both back into their own time, into a pile of writhing mess on the portico.

Severus couldn't care less. With haste, he tore her skirt open in the front and with his robe already unbuttoned he only had to squirm out of his pants. Sage's fingers played along the back of his neck, already scratching the thin skin, and pulling him over her into a violent kiss. Her arms and legs closed behind his head and buttocks.

Sliding into her was ecstasy and rapture, her usual sighs were this time screams and high-pitched groans. He couldn't have enough of her kisses, her rocking hips, her long fingers pulling on his hair. He pounded into her with the rhythm of those war drums. She knew the song for it and held back nothing.

Severus already grunted in his imminent pleasure when with a sudden cry the witch froze, then her muscles all clutched down on him, squeezing out the last drops of pleasure he could have and take.

It took long minutes of lying and panting on the dusty stone floor until they gathered enough sense to even look into each other's eyes, but then he saw the same astonishment in hers that he already felt.

"This was… something else," – Sage summed it up with a tentative smile. When Severus repeated the sentiment her lustful grin returned.

"Why did we need the time, though?" – He asked propping his head on an elbow in mock contemplation.

Sage rolled halfway over on the dusty floor to comfortably look at him, and she laughed at his expression. "I'm glad you failed to notice but we're not especially well-catered here around."

A look at the house they were yet to even enter, and Severus was convinced.

"Cunning little wrench, do you think we can still return for that dinner?"

"This cunning little witch will always satisfy your hunger," – she leaned over and whispered in his ear.

Severus grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her back on her back, rolling up on her.

"Careful, witch," – he acknowledged the reprimand. "One may take you up on your wanton promises!"

"Perhaps I should make more of those then," – she lamented, and using his momentary surprise, she lifted her leg high enough to tickle Severus' side with her toes.

He writhed sideways and heard her triumphant laughter.

"I'm going to give you what for, witch," – he promised, reaching down to the base of her thighs and meticulously tickling his way up to her neck.

She squirmed, screamed, and pleaded, she tried to fight back, but he only relented when she managed to capture his lips within hers. That kiss slowly sobered with their changing feelings, and already promised the next glimpse of heaven to come, until Severus' stomach grumbled a completely different need.

"Do you think this time we can behave well?" – she laughingly asked.

Severus reluctantly stood and offered her a hand to lift her. It was his turn again to repair their clothes. He only answered when they both looked decent: "This was the first time I failed such an endeavour."

She only smiled and hugged him. "Well, I don't do this every day either, if you've been wondering. The point is, we'll be fed. Also celebrated, if I'm not completely wrong."

He buried his nose in her hair. "I wonder what we'll be doing after, my witch," – he mocked her.

Sage's smile ran wider as she looked in his eyes challengingly. "I believe it is solely up to what the hell we bloody well please." Her kiss was freedom indeed. "At least for a few more days before you'll have to return," – she eventually added a measure of realism. Severus didn't particularly like that idea at the moment.

"We could also teach you to ride a bike," – he proposed instead. "There are some sites in the fifties, I would like you to see. And I'm also in the mind of taking you out there. To someplace with music."

"Then you will," – she smiled. "But time is fickle, Severus. If we're not careful, we might spend a lifetime without living a day of our own."

"So it's a last resort."

"The last resort," – she agreed. "And not that awful a choice if everything goes south."

Her plan made sense and gave hope, something Severus was eager to grab after. The worst thing to happen was to have her in either of their safe places then, which wasn't that bad at all.

"Come, you're even gloomier when hungry."

"You must be the first one to notice stages in my moods," – Severus noticed with some surprise. Sage only looked at him with disbelief and uttered the spell.

They walked down the path towards Héloïse's portico just in time to see their younger selves disappear.

Héloïse only showed up about a quarter an hour later, remarking with content about them making their peace. Severus wasn't sure if he blushed, but he was quite certain that Sage did. Within an hour into the dinner, he was convinced he had not smiled this much in his entire life.

During dessert, his thoughts started wandering. The stars were shining, crickets chirped, and he watched the youngest elf toddling after grigs among the flowerbeds. His attention was unneeded since the witches began to discuss wedding dresses and ceremonies, and he was content with that.

When Sage mentioned they had only a little time before returning to Hogwarts, and Héloïse offered to host the ceremony, he gladly accepted everything without a second thought. If he had to choose, he would have wanted the old witch to be there with them but there weren't many others to come to mind. As long as Sage was present, his priorities were fulfilled. Both witches found his sense of humour hilarious when he told them that, although he only spoke his mind.

After that, he was excused to have a solitary walk in the gardens. He had a nagging thought about seeking out that grumpy old house elf and found himself curious about the youngling. The first was easier to fulfill than the second. Guild showed him around after he asked about gardening and the state of the house. He silently wondered if the elf thought about his plans to restore and maintain all he cultivated throughout a lifetime. Whatever he suspected, or not, the house elf provided tremendous help in understanding the workings of the excessive household and the watering facilities supporting the gardens and the orchard.

About the youngling, he only learned that he was born in the house to the great joy of the family, and yet had no name. The house elf rituals seemed too difficult to understand at first, but essentially he learned that the youngling belonged here until he reached maturity, at which point he would have to seek a binding with a family to accept his service. The naming was the ceremony to acknowledge the maturity of the elves. Until that point, all called him as the young one or by various nicknames, most reflecting on him having been a plump infant.

Guild proudly talked about being the one to teach the young one, and the night proceeded unnoticed until the vicar from the nearby village arrived.

The Moon prisms hanging on the fruit trees drew colours around them, the air filled with the scents of herbs and night-blooming flowers, and Sage looked him in the eye and promised eternal love and loyalty at the stroke of midnight. Severus later remembered her eyes tearing up when he promised her the same.

The well wishes and the feast at Héloïse's table were blurred out by the enchanted dress she wore. Charmwork of generations pinned all blessings and voluptuous intent into the silvery white fabric and as time went by, he just stopped noticing anything but her moves.

Returning to their present meant only as much as walking to another room. Severus couldn't care less whatever hour of the day it was, for him it remained for days only midnight in Héloïse's garden under the full moon.

At some point, Sage decided to exercise her new rights and summoned his house elf. Chubby arrived with a loud pop and an assortment of cold meats, cheese, and various fruits. He couldn't pour it into enough words how happy he was about them and the new arrangement and was ready to make the house livable with a whirlwind of magic.

"Not that hastily, you elf, I'm sure you forgot something," – Severus cut in before Sage could have her fun ordering Chubby around, probably for the little fellow's greatest delight.

The house elf's ears quivered and he pulled himself smaller, visibly swallowing and alternately pleading to both of them with his round bulgy eyes.

"Master angry at Chubby, Master punishes. Chubby will suffer just not send Chubby away!"

"Why would you say such a thing?" – Sage cried out with worry, "Severus, calm him down, I'm sure you've been joking!"

"Have I? Tell your Mistress, elf, how many times have you defied my orders?"

Chubby audibly gulped and tried to look as small as he possibly could.

"Chubby didn't work against Maser's words, only his intentions… Master couldn't know Chubby did the right thing. Master not remembers…"

"What words? What should he remember?"

Sage's confusion was an addition to Severus' game he didn't anticipate but now found delightful. He tried his best not to betray his amusement with even a glint of an eye.

"What did I order you to hide, Chubby?"

"Master ordered Chubby not to talk to even him about anything to hide."

"How very circumspect of you to now remember! Now I order you elf, to tell us what you've done."

"Master said Chubby was not to contact Mistress until Chubby heard Master died. Master later said he was as good as dead, and Chubby used his words to show Mistress what she needed to know. Master meant it not. Chubby was a bad elf. Chubby will iron his ears just Master let Chubby continue to serve! Chubby did the right thing in the wrong way."

At this point, Severus couldn't hide his amusement any longer. "Haven't we all?"

"What are you two talking about?" – Sage stared at them in confusion.

"Show her," – Severus ordered, and the elf clapped his hands together and produced a parchment Severus had not seen since last Christmas. All the devastation he was drowning in just a few short months ago, and now Sage sat by his side. The letter awoke too much emotion to even try to speak.

To Professor Salbei Moody, Hogwarts, 28th December 1995.

Beauxbaton,

You are reading this because I had no chance to contact you in the manner I would like to speak, and I have more to say than what I can possibly offer in words. You deserve no less than the complete truth and the greatest and undying gratitude for you being the one you are.

You magnanimously offered friendship to a wreck, despite all possible reasons and warnings to do otherwise. You challenged me, teased me, and annoyed me until I accepted what I should have grabbed for with both hands: the care and sympathy of a powerful, exceptional witch, a wonderful, maddening, sensuous, and wise woman that you are. You did so, even believing from time to time that my intentions towards you were less than pure, and my behaviour and remarks were unjust. You accepted the worst of what I am, and I must have you know that you put up with more than what was true. You saw me with an old picture, and you acknowledged my feelings, but Sage, you accepted what I only used to be!

The truth is, you are the most infuriating, vexing, astonishing witch I have ever encountered in my life. And my heart trembles bewildered with the magnitude of love you evoked. You never wanted to change me, yet you made me want to change. You never wanted to judge me, but I strive for your approval. You turned my nights into the sweetest hell and all my waking hours into endless longing for your presence, your gaze, your touch. You gave me the rare and unexpected moments of feeling alive in a life I had already pledged to death.

You had the power to change my habits, my views, and my moods, and I don't want you to regret if you somehow didn't manage to change my fate. I ask you not to brood about this, you have already done more than enough.

Whatever you consider being your sins, I tell you, you need nothing to remedy, you have nothing to atone for, you do not need to feel ashamed for protecting what is worth preserving, and you and your body, mind, and soul are worth it on their own. Do not feel repentance for doing what you deem the best, and you need not feel guilty. Ever. Guilt is the worst of all.

Go back to your home and protect it the best you can! I know it will be a sight to behold when you stand up to protect what belongs to you. I wish I could see that! I wish I could fight there by your side! If you read these words then I'm not around to pick on you and tease you into a better mood like you often did for me – bless you for that! But I ask you with all the force of wishing for the last time, you never attempt revenge, and don't you grieve! Sage, if there is one thing I have learned in my life, it's this. Don't chain yourself down with your dark emotions, if I had the right to do so I would forbid it.

You gave me the unexpected chance to see your mind, you gave me the impossible gift to feel again. I cannot give you more than what I am, it is yours. So whatever I possessed must belong to you.

The elf who carries this message must decide upon his own fate, please, if he so wishes, let him serve you! Had I been around I wouldn't wish for more for myself.

With gratitude and love, I hardly think could die with me,

Your wizard in your attic,

Severus Snape

Sage held his letter in her hands, while Severus and Chubby watched her reading through it. When she looked up with a watery smile she only said what he heard from her as soon as she awaken to his presence just a few days ago:

"You love me."

Severus tried to swallow the ball of emotions that stuck in his throat. "And you love me too."

Chubby's smile made it clear that the elf would be happily ironing his ears a hundred times over just to see them like that, and resentment for displayed emotions made Severus' worse side resurface.

"As much as you may be content with your choice, elf, this was not your only transgression," – he reminded.

The house elf's smile wavered a little.

"Master's angry for Chubby betrayed Mistress' presence."

"My presence? Where?" – Now Sage only seemed curious.

"At my house, Sage," – Severus readily told her. "Chubby, the exceptional elf you came to like so much, left out your garbs to scare off your concurrence, I reckon. Have you thought it was up to you to arrange my acquaintance, Chubby?"

The elf pulled his ears down on his head, helplessly alternating his gaze between his Master and Mistress.

"Chubby couldn't help it, Master. Chubby was surly."

"Surely not the only one in the household," – Sage felt the need to point out inconveniently. Severus didn't relent.

"Surly or smug, elf?" – He asked. "You might have just feared for the place you arranged for yourself. Tell me honestly, whose idea was that you turned to me, Guild's or your own?"

"Guild? Grand-mère's house elf? What could he possibly have to do about you two?"

"Chubby remembered on his own, Master. Chubby wanted to serve a good house. Young Mistress married to good wizard, Chubby set out to find him. Guild only knew his name, Chubby did the rest. Guild was good elf, Guild never betrayed trust! And Chubby had no binding to betray before Master accepted his service!"

Sage stared at them both with surprise and disbelief, but Severus was finally content.

"Let this be a reminder that you're not to lie to me," – he told the house elf with rigour. Then he added on a more placated tone: "And I forbid you to punish yourself. As much as your actions were questionable at best, you proved yourself to be a true Slytherin. Cunning and ambition should not be a crime. Rewarding your service, I promise you to keep you and to make a place for all descendants you may produce, so you'll have no reason to play again with my trust. Now you're free to go and clean up the house."

Chubby threw himself at his feet with a violent cry of joy, and his grateful words mixed with his loud popping away.

Severus looked at his witch to see her mischievous smile.

"What?"

"I only thought, my knight, that if you receive only half of the justice you offer, we shall not have a thing to worry about."