15th Day of Fireseek, 565 CY
The Brass Dragon Inn, Furyondy
Caroline cursed loudly as she stumbled in the mud, trying to maintain her balance. She did so, but only barely. She was bent over so far forward from the weight of her backpack and assorted items hanging from her belt that she felt it was a wonder she was able to move at all. Clearly, her previous estimate of what constituted 130 pounds of gear (what she was told she would need to reach the magic number of 250) was woefully low. The fact that she was in the midst of a downpour that she was sure was going to flood the entire Flanaess did little to lighten her mood. Already it seemed the water was already sloshing halfway to her knees with every step she took in the mud. She glanced over at Talass, who was a few steps behind her, similarly encumbered and doing about as well.
"Did I miss something?" Caroline shouted out at the cleric. "Exactly when did we join the Royal Army?"
If Talass replied, Caroline couldn't hear it. The wind had picked up this afternoon, making a terrible situation even worse. Somehow she was still able to hear over the wind the sound of the self-appointed drill sergeant, Aslan the Paladin.
"Keep moving!" he shouted. "We have to see how well you move like this!"
"I'm a nymph, dancing lightly through the forest! Can't you tell!" Caroline shouted back, but she continued to stagger in a vague approximation of a large circle in front of the inn, as Aslan and Elrohir, neither of whom were wearing armor, looked on. Talass continued to plod along behind her.
Oh well, Caroline thought, smiling to herself. He can't take this morning away from me...
And indeed, it had been wonderful. In a darkened courtyard behind the Temple of Zeus, Caroline had finally gotten her meeting with Argo. She would swear it hadn't lasted five minutes, although Dorbin had said later it was closer to twenty. Caroline couldn't get enough of her husband. Caroline swore she could feel her soul healing as they embraced. Afterwards, they had sat down on a nearby bench and talked. Caroline had insisted that Argo fill her in first.
The ranger shrugged. "Not much to tell, my love. My instructor's a heartless monster, but I think that's a requirement for the job, so that's okay. His name is Sir Damoscene. Quite a guy, actually. He's from Chendl, and they say he trains rangers that work directly for the king himself."
"And he's a Zeus worshipper?" asked Caroline, intrigued.
Argo nodded. "A rarity around here, I know. He said there's no Olympic temple at all in Chendl, so he enjoys getting back out here when he can. He was actually due to head back to Chendl to train up a ranger there when I showed up on Melinjaro's doorstep, and he stayed here to train me up as a personal favor to him." He stretched his back straight and grimaced. "I still have no idea what my quest is going to entail, but I'm not worried at all about it now. Considering how brutal Damoscene's training methods are, it couldn't possibly be worse than the preparation. I've got to remember to slap Melinjaro upside his head for this."
Caroline snuggled up closer to her husband. "Now, now. Don't be hard too hard on the High Priest, dearest. He did marry us, after all."
Argo seemed to consider this, then nodded.
"You're right. Two slaps."
He looked at her and grinned, moving in for another kiss. After a moment of feigned insolence, she leaned in to meet him when the suddenly the image of her slapping Aslan came roaring back into her mind. She pulled back, stricken.
Argo's auburn eyes searched his wife's face. "What's wrong?"
And Caroline had told him the whole story, from the beginning. By the end, she was sobbing in his arms. Argo held her close, but it was clear she had managed to amaze even him.
He whistled. "Whew. I don't know what to say, my love. Annoying Aslan is a fine art. I should know; I've devoted my life to it." He looked back into her eyes. "The thing you have to understand about Aslan is- he wants to help people. He really does, but he likes to catalog them in his own mind, so he knows exactly what they need. Any kind of negative emotion, especially a passionate one, unnerves him. He has trouble remembering we're not the same, day-to-day. We have moods."
Caroline laid her head on his chest. "I really went over the line though, didn't I? I'm sorry," she said softly, trying to stop the tears from starting again. "All I could feel was that he was keeping me from seeing you."
Argo stroked her hair, then raised her chin with his hand and planted a soft kiss on her lips. He looked at her in earnest. "My father told me once that the only reason ever to draw a line in the first place was so that you could step over it and get the good swag that was on the other side." He hugged her tightly again. "You're a Bigfellow now, Caroline. Excess is our stock in trade. Life is short. As far as I'm concerned, it's the only way to live."
Caroline sniffled. "I can't see much good 'swag' coming out of this business with Aslan."
Argo raised a cautioning finger. "You never know. I've seen some pretty terrible situations turned around in my day. I'll speak with Aslan when I get back, but in the meantime you're going to have to live with it, love. The trick is to try and compromise with him, without compromising yourself.
Caroline rolled her eyes. "Well, that sounds easy."
Her husband shrugged and gave her his famous pained smile. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm great at theory, but lousy at practice."
She gave him her own smile, one a bit naughtier than his. "Really? That's not how I remember things..."
Their passion had been interrupted by a discreet throat-clearing from Sir Dorbin, who stood patiently back a ways while the two slowly pulled apart, sharing the same guilty smiles of frustration. "Be strong, my love" Argo had whispered to her before he walked back to the temple. "I promise you- I'll be back."
Just as he opened the rear door leading back into the temple, the ranger turned around again. Even at this distance Caroline could hear the amazement in his voice.
"Tojo? A bad boy for love?"
Caroline had laughed, and Argo had shaken his head in astonishment and left, closing the door behind him.
As Caroline approached Sir Dorbin, she could now see that he carried a large balancing scale in one hand, and a sack slung over his shoulder. From the jingling, it sounded like it was full of coins. She raised a questioning eyebrow at the knight.
"Copper commons," he explained, adjusting the sack. "Aiclesis has been busy getting these for me. Weighting measures for the scale. This should help with Elrohir's plan for your safety. Are you ready to return now, Lady Bigfellow?"
She smiled sadly at him. "I suppose so. Thank you for your generosity Sir Dorbin, and please thank all the members of your party for me. I never could have gotten to see Argo without..." She trailed off, her eyes falling downwards.
"You're nervous about seeing Aslan again, aren't you?" the knight asked quietly.
Caroline nodded, looking back up at him. "I can't say I'm looking forward to it."
Dorbin nodded as he moved up to Caroline. "I cannot promise you a happy ending to all this, Lady Bigfellow. My only advice would be to pray to your god," he said, looking around at the courtyard. "I've found that it's often in the small things between us that they make their true miracles manifest."
"A miracle sounds like just the thing right about now," she replied, smiling wanly at him. "I'm ready when you are, Sir Dorbin."
That miracle seemed a long time coming to Caroline as they all gathered together in the common room save Dorbin, who had returned to Willip after a quick drink. Originally, they had tried Aslan's cabin, but it had quickly become too crowded for all of them, plus all the items they had assembled for weighing. When Mirage had bounced up onto the bed and sent the bag of commons spilling out onto the floor, Aslan had snarled and nearly kicked his wardog, drawing shocked looks from everyone. It was not only Caroline that the paladin was being short with, it was everyone. She tried to be compliant and uncomplaining, hoping that nobody would accuse her of turning their friend against all of them.
Even if it is true, she thought.
The patrons currently in the common room were certainly curious as to why weapons and various sundry items were being spread out on tables and then methodically weighed out on a scale, one at a time, but the paladin's scowl kept all questions at bay. Aslan was using his ability to detect evil so often now, Caroline wondered if it was possible for it to burn out. She didn't dare to ask Aslan directly about whether he still considered her a friend. Right now, she was pretty sure what the answer would be.
Cygnus their resident bookkeeper not being here, Tojo (who had remarkably beautiful handwriting, thought Caroline) was scribbling figures into columns and adding them up. He, Aslan and Elrohir talked quietly together while the women glanced at each other, waiting. Tadoa was helping out the staff as usual, occasionally throwing a curious look their way, but he said nothing.
Elrohir came around the table and addressed his wife and Caroline. "All right, we've weighed everything we can and sorted it out as best we could. Aslan and I already know how much extra weight the two of us need. Thanks to our plate mail, it isn't much. Now your armors are too big for this scale, but we have a general idea of what they weigh." Elrohir took a deep breath. He seemed to be prepping himself up to say something unpleasant. "Caroline," he said, looking at her, "We think you need to carry about 130 pounds of gear to reach your target."
Her eyes nearly popped. "A hundred and thirty pounds? That's an awful lot of weight to carry Elrohir, especially for a long time!"
"Depends," came a cold voice. "Do you still consider Nodyath your friend?"
Everyone stared at the paladin. Even Talass looked as though she considered that remark a little extreme. No one said anything, however. They just turned to look expectantly at Caroline, who wondered if a quick prayer to Hades might cause the god to open a crack in the earth and swallow her up. Blinking back tears, she said quietly "No. No, I don't. I'll do my best."
Elrohir slowly turned to his wife. "Talass, you'll need to carry about the same load. Maybe ten pounds less, but that's about it."
The cleric simply nodded her assent without comment. The ranger indicated the table. "All right, you two. Load up and then assemble outside. We need to see if this is going to work."
This isn't going to work.
Caroline grimaced as she continued to wallow in the muck. Her back and her legs were killing her now and the rain was soaking down everything, making it that much heavier. She was sure that she was now carrying close to 200 pounds counting the water, but she still didn't dare say anything to Aslan. She considered that if Aslan wasn't going to be her friend anymore anyway, maybe she should just haul off and slug him right in the jaw. That thought kept her going for a few more steps, and then she heard the paladin's voice call out.
"All right, stop!"
Caroline stopped and raised her head to look as best she could. She saw Tadoa come running over from where he had been inspecting the corn patch.
"The stalks are at least four feet high now," the child reported breathlessly. "I figure that by this time tomorrow, they'll be," and here he gestured weakly with his hands, "you know- ready to harvest."
"All right," said Elrohir. "Thank you, Tad." The elf nodded and stepped back towards the front door of the inn, anxious to observe but also to stay out of the way.
Aslan stepped forward and regarded the two women. "How often you keep this weight on is up to you, ladies. I'm sure it's uncomfortable, but keep in mind it will also keep you safe while you wear it."
"You realize this will drastically cut down on our mobility in combat," Talass remarked.
Aslan nodded. "That may be true Talass, but the whole point here is to avoid combat in the first place. I spoke with Sir Dorbin before he left, and he's going to continue to work with us to find a way to take the fight to Nodyath. Hopefully, this set of affairs won't last for long."
Talass did not seem very mollified, but she made no further comment. Caroline raised her hand. Aslan eyed her with a sour expression.
"Yes, Caroline?"
"Since you don't know exactly how much we weigh, how can you be sure we're carrying enough?"
If Caroline was expecting a sharp retort from Aslan, she didn't get it. For answer, he merely turned to Elrohir. The ranger stepped forward, somewhat hesitantly.
"We've been thinking about that very same question, Caroline. Now it's not very scientific, but Aslan and I feel we have a pretty good handle on what 250 pounds feels like." He turned to Aslan with a nervous smile, but the paladin showed no response. Elrohir cleared his throat and then turned back to the women. "That's why neither of us is armored up right now. We're going to pick each one of you up and use our best judgment as to whether you're over 250 or not."
Talass and Caroline, who had moved to within a few feet of each other, exchanged identical stares of incredulity. "I feel safer now, don't you?" Caroline asked Talass.
The cleric smiled back at her. It was the first real smile Caroline had received since returning from Willip, and she was incredibly grateful for it.
Elrohir walked up to his wife, and then squatted down in front of her. One hand grasped the back of Talass' calf, the other just above her knees. Trying not to grunt, he hoisted her up about three feet in the air. Caroline was impressed. She had forgotten that Elrohir was nearly as strong as Argo.
The ranger took a few halting steps carrying Talass, then grinned at her. "You know honey, if you ate a little more at breakfast, you wouldn't need so much extra gear now."
She smiled a thin smile at him. "I can still reach my war hammer you know, dearest."
Elrohir returned the smile, and then turned to the paladin. "I think she's over, Aslan. Come and see what you think!" He gently set her down, and then backed off as Aslan, looking grim, came up and squatted down.
Aslan put his arms around Talass' legs as Elrohir had, and then lifted, but not without a grunt. Aslan was definitely not as strong as his allies, and everyone knew it. Still, he lifted the cleric, but when he tried to take a few steps with her, his left foot got stuck in the mud, and he stumbled just a bit. He looked up at Talass with a mildly embarrassed expression. "Sorry".
She nodded to show there was no problem, and he put her back down. "I agree Elrohir," Aslan said. "She's good." Now the two approached Caroline.
She held her breath. For some reason, the tears were threatening to start up again, but she fought them back.
Elrohir went down, put his arms around Caroline's legs as he had done with Talass, and lifted her up into the air. He hefted her a bit and took a few steps, trying to concentrate. Then he looked into her eyes. There was an expression of fear there that touched him.
Very softly, Elrohir said to her, "It'll be okay, Caroline."
He put her down as gently as he could and stepped back. "I think she's over, Aslan, but see for yourself."
With the same stony expression, the paladin squatted down in front of Caroline, put his arms around her legs, and lifted. She wanted to close her eyes, but kept them opened, and focused on his face. He looked thoughtful, concentrating. Aslan took a step, but his foot shifted again in the mud, and he stumbled again. He glanced up at Caroline, a little of both exasperation and embarrassment evident on his face now.
"Sorry," he said.
Like so many things in Caroline Bigfellow's life, she would never know what possessed her to do what she did next.
She put on a coy smirk, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Watch those hands, paladin. I know your type."
Aslan stared at her. His eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open. He didn't even think to put her down.
Caroline wagged her eyebrows up and down at him.
Time stood still.
Slowly, an expression began to take shape on Aslan's face, but Caroline couldn't recognize it. She wasn't even sure if it was a good one or a bad one. She just continued to look into those light blue eyes. Then suddenly, she recognized his expression. Argo used it all the time, but she had never, never seen it on the paladin's face.
It was a wicked smile.
Aslan began to move around quickly with Caroline. Her body was thrown forward, then backwards in his grasp. "Oof! What the-"
"I don't know, Elrohir!" Aslan called out. "I can't get an accurate estimate! She's not being very cooperative!"
Caroline could only gasp. "Me? Why, you little- Whoa!"
The two of them went down in the mud. No one else could even think to move.
Covered in mud, Aslan and Caroline, both on their knees, looked at each other. The paladin picked up a handful of mud.
"I think she needs a few more pounds!" he shouted and then flung it at Caroline, who, laughing, retaliated at once.
The others stared dumbly. Talass was the first to break out of the trance. She moved to the pair, a stern expression on her face.
"Sure, very amusing. I'm the one who has to clean you up, you know. Get out of the dirt!" she said to Caroline. She grabbed the younger woman's hand but was nearly pulled off-balance herself.
"Oh, no you don't!" Talass cried. She struggled, but it was a deadlock.
Talass looked over to the paladin. "Aslan, would you please-"
"No problem, my lady," Aslan replied, grabbing Talass' other arm and pulling her down into the mud.
"That's not what I meant!" the cleric yelled, trying to wipe the wet dirt off of her. "This is disgusting! What in the name of Valhalla has gotten into you two!"
Elrohir came over and put his hands on his hips. "I suppose there's no way I'm going to come out of this clean, am I?" he asked, shaking his head and smiling.
Talass paused. "Well, since you seem to think it's so much fun..." A quick yank later, and the ranger had joined his friends in the muck, flinging mud balls at will.
A yell and a blur followed as Tadoa flung himself into the mix, followed by three very exuberant dogs.
"So Aslan," Caroline asked, breathing heavily. "Am I good?"
The paladin considered, then held out his hand sideways. "You'll do."
"Approval from Aslan, the high-and mighty?" Caroline asked in wonder, then looked up at the gray, rainy sky above. There was a flash of lightning, and then a loud rumble that almost shook the ground. It seemed to echo on forever.
"You tell 'em, Zeus!" she cried out to the heavens, and then looked at Aslan again, who now regarded her with a wry look.
"That would be, 'You tell them, Odin', Lady Bigfellow," he said with a grin.
"Either way, it's a miracle," she whispered.
Then she plastered him with another mud ball.
Tojo, watching quietly from the door of the inn, felt it open beside him. All of the staff and current patrons of the Brass Dragon inn slowly peered outside, staring in absolute shock at the chaos in front of them. The barkeep looked over at Tojo. "What's wrong with them?" he asked in wonder, and perhaps a little fear, as though it might be something that was catching.
The samurai raised an eyebrow at him, then turned back to the jubilee.
"Everything rook just fine to me."