SCIENCE
"Alright class, this first quarter we wil be learning about cells!" said the science teacher. "Now, who can tell me what cells are?"
Jaden waved his hand in the air. "That thing you put the bad guys in!" the class rolled their eyes.
"Nope, how about you, Mr. Huffington?" she asked again.
Chumley clearly had no idea what question he was answering so he just sat there a while with drool dripping off his chin.
"Good guess, Chumley, now Mr. Truesdale will you help him out?" asked the teacher.
"Which one?" asked Zane and Syrus at the same time.
"The dumbest one."
"Oooh! Pick me! Pick me!" cried Syrus.
"Yes, Mr. Truesdale?"
"Uhhh it's...it's...uh...well, I know it! Don't tell me! It's the...GPS coordinance...of the...,"
"Of what?"
"The GPS coordinance of the...the...Marriana Trench...cells are the GPS coordinance of the Merriana Trench!" Syrus said. The class exploded with laughter.
"Yeah, what he said." said Chumley.
"Wow, Syrus! That's a very constructive and very abstract solution but...YOU'RE WRONG!" she sighed and turned to Zane."Will the other Mr. Truesdale answer?" she asked.
"A cell is the building blocks of all living organisms...?" asked Zane hestitanly.
"Praise God! You've got it right on target!" said the science teacher. "Now class, today, we are going to explore, cells and just in time for your projects!" She brought down a projector screen and flipped the lights off. "You will now watch a short video on cells!"
"Hoooray?" the class cheered half-heartedly with a bit of curiosity.
"Oh, boy!" Chazz sniggered. "It's a Bill Nye!"
"Oohh! Bastion is gonna want to see this one!" whispered Zane.
The video came on and started with that embarrasing theme song. The students looked digusted as the video began to play. Finally that guy named Billy Nye came on and began this elementary speech about cells. (Which was a total Y-A-W-N) Everytime he mentioned the word "cytoplasm" Chazz and Zane would burst out laughing. But the most stupidest and bizarre part was a little clip called Johnny the One Cell Boy.
"Iiiiiiiit's JOHNNY ! The one cell boy!" was the little song and it showed a few scenes of Johnny which looked like a boy's face enlarged by microscope and little goey texture to make it look like a cell. The clips came on television screen in the middle of someone's house( in the clip), a little boy was watching it while his mother was sewing and his father was reading a newspaper.
"Mom?" the boy asked in his nasily voice "Is there such thing a a one cell booooy?"
"I wish I was a one celled boy!" asked the boy.
"I'm afriad not, son, you can't be a one-celled boy." said his mother.
(She gave all these weird, scientific words that explained why there is no such thing as a one-celled boy ).
"Dad, is it...true?" asked the boy.
"I'm afraid so." said his father.
"No! Tell me it's not true! No, No! No! No! I wanna be a one-celled boy! No! NOOO! NOOO! NOOO!" the boy continued dramatically denying it. (Isn't that the most saddest thing you've seen? Sad as in pathetic)
However this clip is hard to describe, you must see it to really know how STUPID it was! It continued with more boring explanations about the function of cells. And finally, it ended! Zane and Chazz were about to puke with laughter. Junko was sitting at the same group with them (in science you had four desks each grouped together instead of desks in rows).
"Gosh, Chazz it's not that funny!" said Junko rolling her eyes. Chazz and Zane tried to contain the laughter but they couldn't and guffawed loudly. Everything got really quiet.
"Okaaay...now class, hopefully you took notes, which most of you didn't on the organelles of the cell, so I'm going to give a Pop Project!" she said. The class moaned. "Don't worry I'll give you all the supplies, you just have to make a larger scale version of the cell and your book has a diagram to help you. Enjoy!"
The teacher began to place different material. On Zane, Chazz, and Junko's desk she placed raw spagetti, play-dough, beads, and a package on pom-pon balls (all this is very important). Zane and Chazz examined the styrofoam ball (which was to be their cell) and leaned back in their seat.
"Okay," Junko said, "So we need to look in our book and find out how we are going to do all these cells, first of all, the cytoplasm should be...," Chazz sniggered when she said the word.
"Oh, shut up!" she said. "So, we could borrow some paint from Jaden's table and make the cytoplasm."
"How about this be the cytoplasm!" said Zane holding up one of the raw spagetti noodles.
"No...how about...we look for the other organelles first...the lysosome can be on of those pink pom pon balls!" said Junko, "Chazz, open it!"
Chazz struggled to open the bag and then finally when he did, fluffy little balls flew across the table. "Nice...," Zane said.
"Behold! It's the cytoplasm!" said Chazz holding up the tiny yellow pom pon ball (you know in an asortment package there are some very big and some very small). Chazz put the pom pon ball sloppily on the strofoam ball. Meanwhile, Zane was carefully observing the pom pon balls.
"Wow," Zane said. "Pretty cool...,"
"Hey, look, it's Johnny the One-Cell Boy!" cried Chazz holding up a tiny orange one.
"Mom, is there such thing as a one-cell boy?" Zane imitated the boy's accent that was on that rediculous show. "I can't believe, I, a third year, watched Bill Nye!"
"I still watch that show!" said a random voice.
"Ryan, grow up!" said Zane.
"Hey does anyone watch Inu-Yasha?" asked the random person.
"What the CRAP is that?" demanded Chazz.
"Oh, I know that show!" said Zane.
"Yeah, right..." asked Chazz.
"It's about this girl who finds this dog-demon and she hates it and wants to shoot it but the dog-demon saves her from this psyco cow and then she doesn't wanna shoot it anymore and then it gets bit by this wolf and get's rabies and then she ends up shootin' it anyway in the forehead with a twelve gauge shot gun... " said Zane.
"Zane, you're all messed up." said Chazz.
"What?" said Zane.
"Inu-Yasha does not save a girl from a psyco cow and even if there was a girl she doesn't hate him or want to shoot him and he doesn't get bit by a rabid wolf and WHY would a GIRL shoot someone in the head with a shot gun and how does she even get a twelve gauge shot gun!" said Chazz.
"I thought you said you didn't know what it was." said Zane.
"No, I just wanted to see what you would say and can I ask you something else?" Chazz asked.
"What?" Zane demanded.
"Where in the WORLD did you come up with such a twisted story?"
"Oh, from this manga comic! It's totally PIMP!" said Zane showing a novel to Chazz.
"Zane, you're a retard." said Chazz.
"Why?"
"This isn't manga! This is a book and this is not Inu-Yasha!" said Chazz.
"What else could it be?" asked Zane.
"It's A BOOK YOU INSANE PARASITIC FLAGELLUM!" Chazz threw the copy of Old Yeller at Zane's head. Zane cried out in pain and everything got really quiet.
"Okay, everything got really quiet." said Alexis. The class shrugged and continued their activity.
"Hey, I love these pom pon balls, I can just buy a pack of these and never get tired of them!" said Chazz.
"You can buy them at Wal-amrt for $1 a pack!" said a random person.
"Awsome! I'm goin' as soon as I get out of school." said Zane.
"Oh great!" Junko sighed and rolled her eyes. "Help me, Alexis!"
"I'm going to name this one Pinkie, this one Blue, and this one Fredrico, and this one Bartholomew!" said Zane.
"This one's Brownie!" said Chazz. holding up a small brown ball.
"Brownie looks like a goat turd." said Zane. Syrus snorted from across the room.
"Yeah, and Blackie looks like a decaying goat turd!" said Chazz. He threw it at Zane's head.
"Hey stop!" Zane laughed, throwing Johnny at Chazz.
"Tis Johnny!" exclaimed Chazz. He picked up Johnny and Blue in both his hands. "Now I shall fuse them together to form the METAMORPHASIS!"
Zane burst out laughing. "Hey, speaking up fusing? What did you make on your dorm sorter test?" he asked.
"99.9." said Chazz. "And you?"
"Same, I saw Jaden and Syrus' paper, they got like a 26 or something." said Zane.
"How can you fail dueling school? It's not the Rocket Scientist Institute of Southern Alabama!" said Chazz. "All you gotta do is know how and be able to spell your name!"
"I don't think Syrus got even that right, the biggest book he's ever read was Dick and Jane for Infants." said Zane.
"Tch...your brother is way messed up." said Chazz.
"You think everyone is messed up." Zane said.
"Your mama's kinda messed up!" said Junko.
"You never knowm, it may be true." said Chazz.
"Man, this is so boring!" Zane announced. "Why can't we just draw the freakin' thing?" Zane shut the book that Junko was using to look at her cell.
"Hey, open that back up! I'm workin' on a project here!" said Junko.
"Sure, sure...hey, what's in this book anyway?" Zane whistled and flipped through the pages. Suddenly his whistling ceased and he shut the book.
"What?"
"Oh, boy you don't wanna know..," said Zane.
"Come on!" Chazz begged.
"Don't look on page 415!" said Zane. "You'll never feel like real man again." Chazz, of course everytime you tell someone not to look at something they will look at it, opened to that very page.
"HOLY SMOKE!" exclaimed Chazz slamming the book shut.
"Shut up!" Zane hissed.
"The guys are going to love this!" said Chazz sniggered.
"What is it?" asked Junko. Chazz showed Junko the picture. "Ugh! That's nasty dude!"
"Let me see it again!" said Zane. Chazz turned to the exact page. It was explaining the...human reproduction thingy...and showing very detailed diagrams of the different...parts...of a male and female. (this isn't a big deal to you but as you can guess, they were in awe over this wonder, that their parents had only TALKED about). Zane looked at the picture and snorted loudly. "I'm going to see if there are more picture in here!" said Zane.
"Zane, your as perverted at your brother's boyfriend!" joked Chazz.
"Hey look! Intestines!" exclaimed Zane.
"Intestines?" asked Chazz. "Oh, let me see! I love intestines!"
"And the pancreas!" cried Zane. "I totally love thec pancreas!" Zane and Chazz began staring at the book. And then Zane tunred back to the...erm...page 415.
"Oh, I gotta show Syrus this, he'd flip!" said Zane.
"Or Bastion, but he's in Crowler's class for second period." said Chazz.
"You better not let Crowler see that!" said Junko with a laugh. Chazz and zane began sniggering until their faces were as red as a tomatoe.
"I can't wait to see the Bill Nye about this one!" said Chazz.
"Oh, man!" Zane burst out laughing. His laugh is very foreign to most students (on account that Zane doesn't laugh very often) and it made everything get really quiet.
"Okay, everything just got really quiet!" said Alexis.
"Do you keep having to acknowledge that?" demanded Jaden.
"Shut up Jaden! " said Alexis
"Why should I?" asked Jaden.
"Because you're retarded!" Alexis said flicking Jaden in the head. Jaden sighed dreamily and sank into his chair.
I'll never wash this forehead again. he thought. (Now we know that rumors about Jaden being gay are not true! Unless Jaden is a girl but that is a different story. P.S. I'm no Judai fan!)
"Psst...Sy' don't look on page 415." whispered Zane into his brother's ear.
"Okay, I won't. Hey Jaden let's check out page 415!" said Syrus. Zane slapped his own forehead.
"Why does that always happen?"
"Because Slifers are retarded perverts." said Chazz.
"You like intestines!" said Zane.
"Hey, I'm not the one wantin' to stare at a grown man's balls!" yelled Chazz. Luckily nothing got quiet and his comment went unheard.
"Chazz you're a turd!" said Zane shoving Chazz.
"Your mama's a turd!" said Chazz.
"Do you know how stupid that sounds?" asked Zane.
"Yeah, saying I'm a turd is really stupid!" said Chazz.
"HEY LOOK EVERYBODY!" exclaimed Jaden showing the forbidden page to everyone in the class.
"JADEN, JADEN! PUT THE BOOK DOWN!" Jaden's entire table commanded.
"I hate Syrus!" Zane exclaimed.
to be contiued...