Their exchanges became part of their respective routine. Through his letters, Elizabeth discovered a sensible, generous and bright man capable of both wit and humour. Through hers, he discovered her many competences, skills in both female and male activities with a keen business sense and shouldering much more responsibilities than most men of his acquaintance.
Darcy had thought himself in love, but as the weeks, then months went by, he realised that he had not even known her before. Now that he did, he could affirm from the bottom of his heart that he could never give an ounce of interest to another woman as he was totally, irredeemably hers. She was everything he had ever wanted and everything he needed without even knowing it.
She was now one of his best friend, closer than most had ever gotten. She was wise and her advices smart, she made him laugh and think, they could debate anything and everything, both doing their best to convince the other with well thought out arguments, they could jump from politics to farming to society matters to family back to estate matters... He had enjoyed conversing more, and they weren't even conversing as a few days separated their responses. His shyness well hidden under the ink, he was hopeful she had gotten to know him by then.
Christmas had come and gone and he had been invited by Bingley to a private dinner on new year eve. He had made sure to write Elizabeth about the new arrangements so she sent her letters to his London house from then on. The trip to London took a couple of days which he enjoyed spending with Georgianna who loved travelling.
Georgie was looking outside of the carriage with a serene smile on her lovely face. He had taken Elizabeth's advice and started talking to her. At first he had only been able to apologize to her, but then before he knew it, they were in each other arms, tears of grief and relief shed, silly giggles and soft smiles exchanged, and they were now closer than ever. He had told her of his time in Hertfordshire and Kent, but couldn't bring himself to reveal the content of their correspondance, though denying it was her who was writing to him would have been useless and an insult to their newfound trust in each other. His sister reassured him that he had been a good brother to her, and they had enjoyed daily walks around Pemberley talking about anything and everything, laying their history down to be able to start anew. Again Elizabeth had been right. Georgie had needed that and was now on a brand new chapter of her life.
They were both tired and wary upon arriving at Darcy's house in town. It was late and after a light dinner, the siblings retired to their chambers. The warmth spreading through his veins upon sighting the letter resting on his bedside table should have a name of its own. It was a most magnificent feeling. Darcy made himself comfortable before starting to read the letter.
Dear Mr Darcy,
If my calculations are as good as they ought to be after all this time spent learning arithmetics, this letter should arrive around the same time as you, if not even sooner. I hope you travelled safely and are now enjoying putting your feet down and getting comfortable at home. However subjects of your sex tend to brush away those niceties, so I'll only extend them to Georgianna.
You won't have any chance of meeting any member of the Bennet family unfortunately as Mary came back from her visit. Lydia has been badgering us about going since it was now her turn, as only she has yet to stay at the Gardiners, but we are standing our ground, braving the storm at home, so London won't have to. Depending on how long you plan to stay, you may cross path with Kitty, as she had proven an excellent guest last time and my aunt and young cousins are eager to have her over again. My dear little sister is not sure about going yet, because we are almost all enjoying our time together, sisterly affection stronger than ever and we have much activities planned for the beginning of the year.
How did you leave Mrs Reynolds ? I hope she recovered from her bout of sickness. Mrs Hill says the broth recipe I forwarded should have done the trick by now, so your answer better contain news of her miraculous recovery.
I wish you a happy new year in advance as I probably won't be able to send my wishes on the right date despite my great mathematical abilities. I wish you health, wealth and happiness.
Take care of yourself and your family.
Elizabeth Bennet
His heart warmed as he left the bed to write her a response. His valet was discreet when called, despite the quiet amusement on his face, he knew better than to express anything untoward. His letter gone, he climbed back into his bed and he went to sleep with a soft smile on his face.
The day after, as he was catching up with his other correspondances in his study, a caller was walked in. He already knew who it was, because his staff knew only one person could be directly welcomed in.
« It is dreadfully early for you to be up, » Darcy smirked, putting his pen back into the inkwell.
« Well, I knew you would already be, and what a best friend I would be if I wasn't the first to call on you on your arrival. »
« Indeed, you have now acquired the title of the best of the best of friends. »
« I love to see you in such a good mood even in town ! » Bingley smiled brightly. « It has been so long Darce ! Since-»
And just like that, the smile was gone, an awkward grimace left in its place. Since Hertforshire. Since Miss Bennet. Darcy had come to understand the depth of Bingley's feeling for Miss Bennet. He had come to understand that his friend had been deeply in love. But he had hoped for the emotion to wither with time. Arrogantly, he had deemed his friend's love less profound and constant than his own, but what did he know ? Looking at the lost look in Charles' eyes, he realised how wrong he had been. Was it really a surprise ? In truth, he hadn't seen two persons so well suited since his own parents. His heart ached thinking about his part in separating them.
« Charles... I must tell you something. » Darcy started, fidgeting with the silver paper knife in front of him.
« Did you kill someone ? » His friend joked half-heartedly.
« I... I may not always be forward with my feelings, but I really hold you in high estime. You are my best friend, almost a brother, only Richard is closer to me, and you may even stand as close. »
« Darcy you're worrying me. I know that already ! Despite my father's status, you never once looked down upon me. Standing up for me and taking me under your wing so the ton had to accept me. I'll never thank you enough. »
« No. Not at all, I may have eased your way into society, but everyone took a liking in you for your cheerful personnality and charming manners. You're a breath of fresh air for the ton. »
« Darce, it pleases me greatly that you think so highly of me, but you really are worrying me now. Never have you been as straightforward in your compliments. »
« I purposefully separated you from Miss Bennet because I though I knew better than you what you needed, » Darcy let out in a breath, looking his friend in the eye.
« W-What ? »
« I knew you were about to propose and I thought you weren't taking into account her family, her dowry and connections. I thought she had everything to win and you everything to lose. So I meddled. I decided that my superior observational skills allowed me to discerne her true feelings. But I was wrong. Very wrong. »
Bingley was speechless and for a long moment he was left to watch as heartbreak, desperation, frustration and anger fought in his expression.
« Why tell me that now ? »
Darcy had already decided to be honest about everything and tell Bingley of his own romantic failures. The only thing he couldn't disclose was his correspondance with the second Bennet, for though it was not improper per say, as the content of their letters was far from scandalous, it still would be enough wind to blow the sparks of rumors into a raging fire and maybe, depending on the viciousness of gossipers, taint her reputation. He trusted Bingley, but he couldn't risk it.
« You insulted her in your proposal ?! » Bingley shouted, eyes wide. « How stupid are you ? »
« You don't need to rub it in. She made it abundantly clear that I was clueless... » Darcy mumbled, frowning.
« I understand now your weird behavior since you returned from Kent, » Bingley said smiling softly, looking out of the window with wishful eyes. « There is no need for you to apologize, you know. I have thought it through more time than healthy since I left Hertfordshire. I have eyes of my own, ears, hands and feet too. I have walked the same streets, sat at the same tables and danced the same balls. And though I value your advice as you are far wiser than I will ever be, I am a man too, not a child. I am responsible for my sister, house and fortune. Jane Bennet was worth the risk of losing the ton's approval, it was worth leaving for the country, it was even worth Caroline's annoyance and your disapproval. She is perfect and now she will never be mine. She will make another man the happiest, one who will see how her divine smiles and soft manners are worth losing everything, because she is a woman who will help you win even more. God I am being dramatic, I won't even have lost much, only a few stuck ups' invitations ! I am responsible for what I have decided. Yes, I will forever regret being such a coward, such an undependable man. How would I have ever convinced her to marry me ? You know what I'm talking about, you fell for her sister. These Bennet women are special, they ensnare you and you're theirs forever. »
« Charles... »
« No, you shouldn't have told me. If she really loved me. If I have caused her pain... » Bingley said getting up to pace the room. « I will never forgive myself. Have I been so stupid ? I knew what I was doing, raising expectations on purpose ! How humiliating ! And I left her to fend for herself... »
« That's not why I was apologizing... » Darcy braced himself, after what he had done, if Bingley left and never spoke to him again he would understand. It would hurt, and he would lose an amazing friend, but he deserved it. « She came to London, she called on Miss Bingley a few times even. I knew it, but we concealed it from you, afraid your disappointment was still too fresh. »
« You did what ? » Bingley asked, his voice a tone Darcy had never heard.
« I am much more sorry than I could ever express. »
And with that Charles left. Not another word, not even a goodbye. Miss Bingley didn't visit either and Darcy's only relief was sending a letter to Elizabeth to empty his mind. He felt better now that he wasn't hiding anything anymore and he prayed that in time he would be able to work his way back into Charles' life, because he was aware that a friendship as they had only came once in a lifetime.
The day after, said gentleman was announced even earlier.
« You were wrong. »
« I know. »
« You had no right. »
« I am sorry. »
« But I'm still at fault. »
« Char-»
« No, I was. I should have stood my ground. What I felt- What I feel is not infatuation or physical attraction, it is real, it is strong. I have to be worthy of it, » the red haired gentleman said looking his worried friend right in the eyes.
« What do you have planned ? »
« Nothing as of now. I need to attend an uncle's second wedding in Scotland that may keep me away from England for weeks, if not months, I'll think of something there and I plan on taking matters into hands right away afterwards, » he answered with a small smile and a resolute look in his eyes.